Chapter Text
The first time he knew that he would not make it to his thirties was when his grandfather sat him down to talk after he asked why he was sick so often.
“You have a weak constitution, Yuder,” the grey-haired man said.
“Then I’ll become stronger!” Yuder exclaimed, earning a soft chuckle from the other.
“There’s nothing that can be done about it.”
“Why not, grandfather?”
“You see, everyone has something like a soul-”
He was six years old when he learned that the connection between his soul and body was very weak. But he was not sad, not really. He only wanted the sad look on his grandfather’s face to disappear.
He was thirteen years old when he lost his grandfather. Right after he had spread his grandfather’s ashes, he got sick again. He didn’t cry, his grandfather wouldn’t want him to. But although he had said to the man that he would be fine, he wasn’t. It was lonely. The house was completely silent, except for some ragged breathing and grunts from time to time.
He was eighteen when the red stone fell. His powers helped him a lot; working became easier and when he was sick, he didn’t have to get out of bed for most things. His illness had been getting worse through the years, but after his awakening, he thought it had become better—a bit, at least. Of course, he was still sick from time to time, but it didn’t feel that bad anymore.
And then came the announcement of the Cavalry. He packed his stuff, cleaned his house only slightly—if he were to fail, he would come back anyway—and left for the capital. It was a lot to take in for someone who had lived in complete isolation, so it was no wonder he got sick again.
After a few days, he decided he felt slightly better and went outside, only to be face to face with a handsome, smiling man with bright red hair and green eyes.
He’s like a living rose.
“You’re also an awakener, right?” the man asked him, still smiling brightly.
As much as Yuder wanted to rush back into his room, he felt that if he ran right now, he’d stumble on his way back, which would only be embarrassing. So instead, he decided to answer for now.
“…Yes.”
“My name is Gakane! Gakane Bolunwald. It’s nice to meet you- uhm…”
“Yuder.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Yuder!” Gakane said enthusiastically, “have you eaten something yet? If not, would you like to eat together? I know all the best combinations of the food here!”
He doesn’t want to, but it would be awkward to turn him down now.
I should’ve just stayed in my room…
“…Su-” his answer was interrupted due to a sudden coughing fit. It didn’t last long, but Gakane seemed startled by it nonetheless and asked, worriedly: “Are you alright? You do look a bit pale…”
“I’m fine, it just happens sometimes,” Yuder cut him off before he would ask too many questions. He wasn’t planning to share too much about his illness anyway, for should he be declined, they would never see each other anyway.
Gakane took him to the registration area, where they met Kanna. He gave some advice that would hopefully get her through. Gakane would pass for sure, even though Yuder didn’t know what powers he possessed.
When Yuder walked into the examination room, he ended up standing in front of multiple people, where one of them seemed to be the least appealed by him, right in front of him. Looking at his attire, perhaps he was a mage?
“You wrote that you could control all elements?” the mage began, “How shameful, to lie here!”
What an annoying man.
Before Yuder could angrily answer the mage, another man, seated at the far right, intervened.
“Now, now, let’s see first before we judge, shall we?” The man said, smiling brightly, “please show what you can do, Yuder.”
So, Yuder did. He made fire appear in the air, just to be washed away by water. He then froze the water and flew the papers from the officials in the air with wind and brought them back again. Of all the people in the room, only the man who intervened earlier seemed happy, as the others were looking at him in terror.
Still, he passed.
It was after three months of hellish training, during which the cavalry commander also joined, that they had to choose their division.
“I think I’m going for Shin, you?” Gakane asked him as they were walking.
“Sul.”
“I thought so! Your skills with your powers are amazing. Also, Yuder,” Gakane stopped walking and Yuder looked at him, confused what he had to say, “please ignore those who bully you for your lack with the sword. They’re just jealous and besides, you practice more then everyone of us, so I’m sure you get it in no time.”
Yuder stared at him for a moment before he resumed walking. Yes, he was frustrated with it, but he tried not to dwell too long on it. Besides, he was going to die in the next ten years anyway. The dead won’t talk, hear, or care anyway.
“So, Yuder, wasn’t it?” the commander asked him after Yuder came to his office to tell his chosen division.
“…Yes, Your Highness,” Yuder answered.
“Tsk, I have said already that those titles aren’t important here.”
“Commander.”
At that the commander seemed to smile as bright at the sun.
“So, which division did you choose? Sul? With how excellent your control with your powers is, it wouldn’t surprise me. I would’ve chosen it if I were in your place.”
Yuder stood silent for a moment before nodding slowly and answering: “…Yes.”
The commander smiled even more brightly if it were possible.
“Excellent decision!”
“…Yes.”
When can I leave?
Seemingly reading his thoughts, the commander let him leave soon after, just before talking some nonsense and giving him a wink.
It was shortly after the red stone mission that Yuder was appointed to deputy commander of the Sul division, Ever for Shin and Kanna for Jung. It was also when he got severely sick again. He managed to convince the others, including the commander, that he only had the flu and would be better in a few days.
He was indeed better after four days but felt worse than before. He instinctively knew that he had less time than he had thought.
It was at night, when the commander asked him to be the new cavalry commander, for a reason he didn’t explain, that Yuder finally was forced to explain his condition.
“I apologize, commander, but I have to decline. I’m not sure I’ll last that long.”
The commander looked a bit confused at him.
“You’re underestimating yourself, Yuder, I’m sure-”
“I’m dying,” Yuder cut him off, before the commander misunderstood further.
“What?”
“I’m dying. I have an illness and it seemed to worsen since I was last sick?” Yuder answered, a bit uncertain as he saw the commander's face, stripped of its smile for the first time.
He looks pale like this. And sick too.
“Since when?” The commander’s voice eventually came, though a bit hoarse.
“My entire life.”
Yuder was dismissed soon after. He could understand, the commander had no use for him like this, not that he didn’t mind having had to decline the position.
Shortly later he fell sick again, but this time he wasn’t better after a few days and when more than a week had passed, the commander was forced to inform the others.
Kanna and Gakane were furious, but also worried about him for not telling him sooner. But when telling him all this, they remained relatively calm as he was still very sick.
He explained to them as far as he knew the extent of his illness and later learned that they spoke with the commander about it too when a doctor—presumably brought on orders of the commander—was talking to another person about this, without knowing he was awake.
It took him two and a half weeks to feel slightly better and being able to help Steiber, who had taken over his duties, from bed.
The commander also visited from time to time and Yuder started to notice that he didn’t look much better than himself.
“Are you sick too, commander?” he asked one day, right before the commander left.
The commander paused for a moment, smile faltering, before he composed himself again.
“No, I’m fine. You should rest some more. Goodnight, Yuder.”
Yuder Aile unexpectedly died that night.