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Lord Eddard Stark,
Our final prayer in the Godswood was perfect. The Gods blessed us with one final gift. I thought you needed to know.
Yours always,
Lady Heather Vadaris
She read and then reread the note. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she didn't dare. Ravens were a dangerous way to send word to anyone, let alone a matter like this. If the wrong hands intercepted it, there could be reprocussions to Ned, to her, or their families.. or their unborn child. She had decided this was not the time, nor place to discuss any further detail or the news that Benjen had sprung on her. She didn't know if she would ever tell Ned that.
Was her mind made up then already? Benjen Stark was a good man. He would be a smart match for a husband. But, would she ever love him the way a wife should love her husband? Could she ever love another man the way she loved Ned? In her head, her father's voice scolded her. She should move on. It didn't do for a Lady to dwell on things beyond her control. He didn't understand that she laid awake at night, because her mind, body and soul ached for Ned. Benjen deserved more than that from a wife. She felt the child growing inside her, and instead of shame for the unlawful union, she was so proud that the baby's father was the bravest, most honourable man she had ever known.
Lost in thought, she was brought back to the present by a firm hand on her shoulder. Benjen's kind eyes looked back at her when she turned to look up in suprise. He hadn't read her words, but she wondered if he could guess his name wasn't written.
"Are you ready to send the raven?" Benjen asked. She mulled the question over again, folding the paper in her hands and unfolding it only to refold it again. Finally, she pressed her lips together and gave him a nod. He took the paper and rolled it tightly, sealing it with her wax and stamp, the stern Gryphon of the Vadaris house sigil embedded in the hardening wax. The briefest letter she had ever written to Ned sailed away on the wings of a raven. She watched it go until the dark bird melded with the darkening sky of evening. Benjen turned to her after a long silence. "I'm sure the raven will find him. Heather, I hope you get the answer you want." he said softly, his arm moving around her again and pulling her to him.
She hugged Benjen close and sank into his arms. The youngest Stark smelled of furs and the forest. It was comforting to her and she stood within his embrace for longer than she should have. As they pulled apart, Benjen looked into her dark eyes with his own grey ones. He looked much more like the eldest Stark brother, Brandon, than Ned ever did.
~*~
Days went by and still there was no word from Ned. One morning, Benjen came riding on horseback to the Vadaris land. He found Heather sitting in the garden, reading. Bowing graciously, he said "Any news, M'Lady?" Shaking her head, she looked at her friend with a questioning look.
"But you have some. What is it, dear Benjen?" she asked him. He sighed and nudged his head in the direction of Castle Stark. "The Lady Catelyn arrives today from the south. There is to be a grand feast welcoming her to Winterfell." he said. "I thought you would want to hear it from me, Heather." he said softly, moving toward her to hug her against him. She suprised him by moving back and shaking her head.
"It would not do to see the Lady of Winderfell to her new home without looking like a proper Lady myself, would it? Let me change, Benjen and if I may, ride with you?"
"Are you sure, Heather? You dont have to do this.." Benjen told her, a serious note creeping into his voice.
"If she is to make her home amongst us, she will know my face soon enough. And any rumours that will come with knowing me" she said softly. Benjen looked as though he wanted to change the subject, or tell her not to think of herself so poorly. But instead, he just gave her a nod.
"Get ready M'Lady and we will ride out and recieve her at the Castle." he said. Once she was dressed in a beautiful Northern gown of deep blue and silver, the colours of House Vadaris, Benjen lifted her to his horse and then mounted behind her. Heather wasn't used to riding like this. She and Lyanna had so often rode along with their brothers, but full saddle. Very unlady-like, more like little Lords than Ladies. Heather's mother often referred to the girls as wildlings. She sat and Benjen put his arms around her, gathering the reigns and they were off. For the most part, they rode in silence, Benjen keeping a somewhat slow steady pace to avoid jostling her. Heather found herself lost in thought. She had hoped desperately to hear from Ned by now. Perhaps the letter never even made it to him.
They got to the grounds of the Stark Castle, joining the gathering crowd of the citizens of Winterfell. Taking Heather's hand, Benjen moved to the front of the crowds as they waited the reception. It was small, a few servants of the Tully household rode in a carriage with Catelyn. Some of Ned's own men flanked the carriage, leading them was Heather's cousin, Jory Cassel. He was one of Ned's most trusted men, even at such a young age. She smiled to the friendly, familliar face and he nodded her way. As the carriage came to a stop, Catelyn emerged and with her handmaids and smiled to the people, all waiting curious to see the Lady of Winterfell. Heather found herself wondering if the woman felt smothered by the attention already or if she was used to it, being a Lady of the South. She remained rather quiet as the woman made her way to the Stark's in the front line. Curtseying graciously to Ned and Benjen's mother, and then to Benjen. He reached out and hugged the woman.
"Welcome, Lady to the North." he said kindly. She thanked him and Heather suddenly felt very shy, wondering what she was doing here, as Benjen touched her elbow gently "This is Lady Heather of the House Vadaris" Benjen said, leaving any further information to linger as Heather gave a small curtsey. Heather felt a rush of gratefulness to her friend as he let his hand slide comfortably down from her elbow and take her hand wih a reassuring squeeze. She wasnt frightened of this woman, but this was by far, the bravest thing she had done in her life so far. Cat's blue gaze fell upon her and she bristled slightly, seeing the woman before her, but, always a Lady, she smiled graciously and gave her a curtsey in turn.
"I have heard of you" Cat said, her voice soft, but her words seemed forced, as though carefully chosen. Heather raised a brow in suprise, her mouth slightly open. Had Ned told this woman about her? What exactly had he said. Maybe they had just talked of old friends and her name came up that way? She didnt dare ask.
"Have you?" she asked softly, unable to hide the suprise in her voice. Cat nodded almost stiffly.
"I have. Its nice to put a face to the woman" she said, and turned slightly, moving down the line. Heather felt numb and exchanged a look with Benjen, seeing he was as suprised as she was. Benjen was expected to be at the small feast welcoming her to her new home, so he asked Heather to stay with him. Agreeing, she found herself seated between Benjen and her cousin Jory. Jory was full of information, some of which he readily shared over supper, telling them of the march to Kings Landing, and the terrible things that the mad king had been doing. Heather could tell he was holding something back and as soon as she could politely excuse herself, she went out to take in some air and found her cousin following her.
"Heather, what a suprise to see you here" he said, kindly but to the point. She nodded, telling him the same thing she had told Benjen, that the two women would meet sooner or later. It wouldnt be right not to welcome home the wife of the Lord of Winterfell. Jory's eyes were dark pools like his cousin's. "I know that the Lord misses you. It wasnt polite to say so in the Stark's company, but I thought you might want to know." he said softly. His eyes fell to her stomach, the small change was noted by him immediately. Nodding down, he asked "Is it.."
"Ned's? Yes. Of course it is. I've sent a raven, but I do not know if it will even find it's way to him." she told her cousin. He smiled, despite the news and his hands moved to her arms, grabbing her gently between the shoulder and elbow.
"I leave to rejoin Lord Stark tomorrow. Should I pass along this information?" he asked politely. Heather bit her lower lip in thought, her dark eyes pooling with tears. She silently nodded.
"Please do. I don't know if he will want to know, but he should be told. Thank you dearest cousin" she said softly and she hugged him tightly. Benjen soon joined them outside and nodded to Jory.
"Shall I take you home, soon, my dear?" he asked her kindly. She nodded, wiping away a tear that had dared to fall. Jory hugged his cousin tightly and they said their fairwells, with her whispering to him in their last hug 'Bring our Lord home safely, brave cousin.' He nodded, clapped Benjen on the back, and returned to the Great Hall as the music played and the feast continued. Benjen once again lifted her to the horse, and sat behind her. His arms came around her and grabbed the reigns tightly, resting against her. After another quiet ride, he brought the horse to a halt a ways from her house. "I'm so sorry Heather" he whispered to her. "This can't be easy for you. I'm with you." he said.
"You're really too kind" she said, her own voice soft, touched by how good the youngest Stark had been to her. She didn't know what she did to deserve this, but she was grateful for him, and for everything he was doing for her. Benjen leaned forward, his hand coming up to the side of her cheek, his lips against hers. She stiffened in suprise, and he quickly pulled back.
"I.. I'm sorry Heather" he murmered. "I didnt mean to.." She put a hand up and held a finger to his lips.
"Benjen you have nothing to be sorry for. I don't deserve someone as kind as you. Your brother is the Lord of Winterfell. If you went to my father right now and told him you'd take my hand, he would give me to you and be glad to do it." she said. Ignoring a doubtful look from him, she continued. "I need to hear from Ned. Jory is going to make sure he gets the news the raven may not have brought him. But if I get no word, if he doesn't want to hear the news, or if he tells me he has no bastard child.. Benjen, I will still love Ned. To no matter what end.. You deserve a wife who will honour you, and love you and want to give you many Northern children." she said, the words making her heart break but she knew they had to be said.
"We'll wait for the Raven's news" he said softly. He helped her down and she hugged him tightly again before walking in. Her father met her in the cooridors.
"Seeing in the Lady of Winterfell? Did she know whose bastard you carried along with you? Did the Stark's know as they had you dining at their table?" he asked her. She hung her head not in shame, but in defeat. Looking at his daughter, Arthur Vadaris shook his head. His thick brow creasd as his temper flared. Heather just turned and went to her chambers. Laying her head to her pillow, she thought of Ned. She thought of Catelyn and of Benjen. What had the blue eyed woman been told about her? What had Ned said? Her heart ached as she thought of the young Lord in enemy territory. Was he well? Was he wounded? Was he awake right now? Did he know she was thinking of him? Were his thoughts with her or with his new bride, resting in the Stark castle? Her heart sank as she realized Ned must surely be giving her no second thought. Robert had brought on a war that they had barely any hope of winning as it was. Still, Jory had gone out of his way to assure her that Ned carried her with him... She heard her father and mother's voices telling her the young Lord had a fine Southern bride. He had no need for a ghost of his past now. Putting her hands on her stomach, she felt her tears coming. Running hot down her cheeks, she cried until, finally, sleep took her.