Chapter Text
Dr. Gracie Dufort is many things; a woman full of raging paranoia, a kind-soul with a caring heart, a hyperactive-dopamine-imbalanced human, but bad doctor? That is not one of them.
She has been working at Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Centre since her third year of medical school, a cost so grand she is still struggling to pay the bills some months. The certain months she would impulsively splurge on some useless item that now littered the floors of her cramped apartment and the list of purchases she owed the bank.
That being said, she is not necessarily broke, and she won't be for much longer, if you consider ten years not long to be paying off your student loans. She is a first-year resident now, finally making some money for doing the same job as her peers. Medical school made you negative income, and she had to pick up many jobs on the side to even be able to live alone.
She had dabbled in the world of tutoring once, before she quit as the repetition had drove her insane, and had spent a good term trying to manage a casual position at a supermarket before they let her go. Something about being too erratic with her availability. Right now she was making money numerous ways. First by sucking it up and forcing herself to tutor at least a few times a week, she hated it, but it paid well, and she was in no position to be picky. Second by taking up any opportunity to babysit her nephew and niece in any free time she had.
While he technically was not her brother, rather her mother’s brother's son, or cousin, they had been raised in the same house, with her mum and his parents. Her dad wasn’t in the picture, dying will result in that outcome. Her mum couldn’t deal with the loneliness, so at the age of three she moved in with her extended family, and that was the life she grew up with. So yes, to them they were siblings, he was her over-protective older brother, she was his annoyingly smart younger sister.
So now she babysits his kids whenever they are free, which she realised, is quite often. She also suspects this may be because he is trying to sneakily give her money without actually just giving her money. It’s not like he has a lot to go around; he is in his last year of his residency and in no position to be throwing it away on a parasitical, broke, just-graduated med-student, even if he was her brother.
Anyways, she didn’t complain, she needed the funds and she loves Tanner and Penny dearly. Her sister-in-law Abby was also managing the kids while simultaneously working part-time at a bank with a husband in medicine, so Gracie was always happy to make her life easier.
Even though she cherished her family, she didn’t want to move back in with them in the slightest, she loved her independence and did everything she could to keep it. Though she wouldn’t be too opposed to a roommate, if she could even find someone.
Today was her first day back at the hospital in a month. The Chief-Attending had basically forced her to take it off, actually he ordered her too.
You are not welcome back here until you have gone home and relaxed for a month, Dr Robby had said.
Of course, the eager student doctor had protested, only to be met with more ordering from the Night Shift Senior-Attending.
Most students get twelve weeks off between, go home for three at least, Dr Abbot had sternly instructed.
He did this when he clocked in for his shift the same day Dr Robby had ordered her. She suspected the pair had discussed this between them, always scheming with them, always acting like her fill in dads.
As established, Gracie is not a bad doctor, in fact, she became a little too good at managing her two side-jobs and working both night and day shifts at the Pitt. This had allowed her to really get to know all of the doctors, the nurses, the attendings, the surgeons, the group dynamics, how to know when someone was going to snap.
She was a very attentive person, despite her medical condition saying otherwise. Yes, she was very good at masking certain parts of her ADHD, the parts that she had grown up hiding so much she hadn’t gotten diagnosed until she was 17.
That year was a hectic one for her, she had just started at UPenn getting her science degree, she was very young too. She skipped a year back in middle school on account of her high intelligence and had managed to breeze past with her terrible studying habits. The cramming, walking out with the easy A+ after studying for minimal hours. Though this shattered in her first year of college. The lack of defined structure had aided in this breakdown, and her brother, who had been diagnosed first at the ripe age of five, realised that perhaps his obvious symptoms had overshadowed hers, and that maybe she had been masking so well her whole life. Sure enough, she quickly walked out with an affirming diagnosis, adding to her growing list of mental health conditions.
You know the type of person. The person with so many issues they all kind of cloud together as one. When one triggers another, one mask the other, one worsens one, until you end up a graduated medical student with a plethora of medicines for everything wrong with you.
Pills for so many conditions; obsessive ones, deficient ones, anxious ones, panic ones, all harmful in many ways.
Yes, Gracie Dufort is a person stuck in her head a lot. Introspective and ruminative to a fault, a kid who grew up with thoughts laced in so much paranoia and guilt.
Yes, Gracie Dufort did perhaps struggle with very bad hypochondria, so medical school did worsen it profoundly.
Yes, Gracie Dufort did disguise her intense self-doubt and insecurity as confidence and quick proficient learning.
Yes, Gracie Dufort is a people pleaser, not in the way she wanted the validation of someone liking her, but in the way she didn’t want her existence to be the cause of someone else’s irritation or pain.
Yes, Gracie Dufort is on the verge of burning out, even if she didn’t realise it, because despite what she believed, she did have a breaking point.
Yes, Gracie Dufort is all of these things, maimed in ways she didn’t even know. She is admired and cared for, some people would, without her realising, purposely go out of their way to steer her past the fire that blazed in preparation for her crash and burn.
But Gracie is a whole person. She did not let these things become her; she is not her flaws.
So, Dr. Gracie Dufort, despite all of the things that could make her otherwise, is not a bad doctor in the slightest.
She is determined to prove this point today at her first shift as a resident. This hospital was her home, having spent years roaming its halls and getting to know people before she even was halfway through her college degree, on account of her brother working here since his third year of medical school.
She was scared, scared to screw up. She knew she shouldn’t be, and she knew she was the only person left from her small group of medical students at the hospital. The other three had left to find jobs elsewhere, whether it was cause they couldn’t handle emergency medicine or just wanted a change in scenery, she didn’t know. All she knew was that today, there would be new people, new faces, new minds to get to know, to learn from.
So she launched herself out of her apartment an hour before she needed to get to leave, clambered into her car and hastily drove over, eager to be fully prepared, and maybe see her friends on nightshift for the first time in a month. Dr Abbot would be pleased; she stayed home a week longer that he had asked her too.
⚕️
When she got to the hospital, it was quiet. There were a few nurses chatting, some she didn’t recognise to her dismay. Had the place changed in a month already? She began to worry, what if she no longer fit in? What if her extra week off had ruined whatever she had going here? On the verge of a spiral, she began to pick at her nails, but before she could jump into its seductive claws, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Quickly, she turned, her face hastily hiding whatever worry she was feeling.
“Dr. Dufort, a bit early today. Eager to get back?” A soft voice smiled. She relaxed, she hadn’t been pushed out, yet.
“Jack, er, Dr. Abbot,” she winced, great start. Calling her Senior Attending his first name on day one.
She couldn’t help it; she hated to admit it, but he was like the father she never got to have. Sure her Uncle had been great, but it was different, he never took that role from her dad. He was always cautious not overstep, but she had craved that he would. That he would just be her dad; she wanted one so profoundly it scared her.
Because well, she did have one. She had a dad, a dad with a name, a dad who people told her had loved her, a dad who had used his dying breath to tell toddler me that he would always be proud of me. But it wasn’t the same, he was a dad in memory, she wanted a dad in reality.
So, quickly, in her mind, Dr. Abbot had filled that position, Dr. Robby sometimes too.
Okay, she was greedy. She had three, or even four dads if you counted her timid uncle. She felt guilty, felt embarrassed, but still, she wouldn’t give them up.
Jack just warmed his smile at her mistake. He didn’t want her to know, but he loved it when she called him Jack. It, to his joy, sounded slightly like the word Dad. Yeah, he wasn’t a father. He had been married to a woman so incredible he struggled to form a thought in her presence. But he couldn’t have kids, it was him, not her. Yet she stayed, and by some cruel punishment for being the most utterly perfect wife, the world had taken her from him.
Covid took a lot of people from everyone, it had taken Dr. Adamson from the Pitt, from his family, from the ever-darkening Robby. It had taken Perlah’s aunt from her, had left Mohan’s mother with intense separation issues, and alas, had left Jack Abbot without his other half. The wound was still fresh, but he hid it well.
Everyone knew, that’s why no one questioned when he never took is ring off, why no one questioned when he noticeably changed. The bags under his eyes darkening, his cheery laugh becoming a scarcity in the ER, his permanence in the night shift.
It’s also why no one questioned when he took Gracie under his wing after her first shift, when she had a panic attack over screwing up such a minor thing, a thing even the patient laughed off. He had seen her, and saw himself in her, and felt some kind of paternal instinct to protect, to teach, to be a shoulder of support.
He tried to not make this obvious, had tried not to come off too strong with his constant looking out for her. He especially tried because he didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea and file a HR complaint. Didn’t want her feeling uncomfortable. So he tried to be discrete with his ‘parenting’.
When she was on the verge of a spiral, when she clearly needed to take five, needed someone to vent to, needed someone else who would be better for whatever the situation, he was always there to guide it, to make sure she was okay, like any good parent would do.
He did this for a lot of people, yes. He was instinctively paternal; he painfully realised the irony of this a long time ago. His calmness was a good foil to a lot of people in the ER, but what had made his heart more inclined to help Gracie was because he had known her for a long while.
She used to follow him and other doctors around the ER like a puppy, like a sponge absorbing everything they had to teach a college student. He also felt like, perhaps, she was looking for someone to fill her vacant father position, and she had alluded to it one night when they had been on the roof with others.
A terrible night it had been, death after death, and one case had rocked them all. Kids, it’s always the kids that hurt worse. Especially when it was a dad and a kid, leaving behind a wife and another kid. It had hit Gracie especially, even though she never lost a sibling, the situation was too similar. They were all taking a breather, Shen with his ritualistic Dunkin coffee, Mohan and her tenth protein bar for the night, Ellis splitting it with her, and Abbot hovering around Gracie, who was just staring into space, slightly separated from the others.
“I feel numb,” she whispered mainly inwards. Holding her arms around herself, breathing slowly.
It had pained him, when he looked around, and saw a similar look in all of his residents and attendings faces.
“That is a very normal thing to be feeling,” he responded, stepping closer to sit down. His leg had been aching all night, the prosthetic digging into his skin. He detached it, shifting the compression bands and buffer fabrics around. Clearly his vulnerability had calmed something in her, as she plopped down next to him.
“It’s not, it’s not just that though,” she whispered again, more to him this time. He stopped his work and turned to look at her. She was still staring into the abyss.
“It hurts more, cause, cause I know the rest of their story,” she finally turned to look at him.
The weight of it crushed him, she had such a mournful expression. He didn’t know what to say.
“My dad died when I was three. I don’t remember him. I don’t know him.”
“Grief finds a way to infect us here,” he gruffly said, feeling his own trauma welling to the surface. He didn’t want to deal with it now, so he hastily boxed it off and shoved it away.
“I know,” she quietly mumbled, at least not a whisper now.
“I just wish I had a dad.”
He winced, he felt a similar pain, he wished he had a son, had a daughter, had any kid. He wished he got the luxury of being a father, of being able to raise another human in the world, with the person he loved so dearly.
“You do have a dad,” he tried hesitantly.
“Not really,” she sighed, “Yeah, I have a dad, in name only. I wanted a father, a living one. I am selfish, I know.”
Tears began welling at her eyes.
“Gracie you are not selfish,” he gently posed, “I get the feeling. I wanted to be a father, and I couldn’t.” He had never really told anyone that.
She turned to face him again, understanding written in her face.
“Seems like our puzzle pieces are complimentary,” she shakily whispered again.
“Would seem so,” he smiled.
At that, she leant into his side, selfishly deciding that he would now fill that position, he was a father in her eyes. His heart swam with happiness, at the way it felt natural for her to be his daughter, even if just in his head.
But an understanding was shared, a bridge built between them, a bond greater than friendship formed. In their own little bubble, she finally found her dad, and he finally found his kid.
⚕️
Before Gracie could start rambling, Abbot quickly jumped in.
“It’s okay, Jack is fine. Lots of people call me that, in fact, you do all of the time.”
She shrugged, “I know, but I want to be like every other resident or student here today.”
“How was your break? I noticed you took the full month,” he shifted, moving his weight off his leg.
“You and Robby were right,” she rolled her eyes.
“We often are,” he laughed, “It’s good to have you back, I hope to see you in the night shift occasionally.”
She had split her time between the two, usually more night shifts filled her roster though. Robby didn’t like this, had wanted all students and interns on the day shift, him being the Chief Attending. This year, she was expected to be working the day a lot, lot more.
“I’ll try, but I think I am going to be stuck on day for a long while,” she sighed.
At that, he chuckled again, “You are one of few people to complain about being on day.”
She shyly smiled.
“I better get ready for handoffs, nice seeing you Gracie,” he smiled back. She waved and pivoted to the locker room, t-minus 30 minutes until her first shift as an intern started.
What he didn’t say was he was putting on a brave face for her. What he didn’t say was that he had spent the last two hours coding a veteran. What he didn’t say was that he was going up to the roof to contemplate life itself, to dangle his feet over the edge and see if it was tempting enough to go over.
Dr. Gracie Dufort was oblivious to this fact. She instead began to think about how she was an intern now, first year resident. She knew what to expect. There were going to be two medical students joining her at the teaching hospital, a year three and four. There was going to be another R1 with her, as well as an R2 who transferred from somewhere she didn’t know.
She was nervous, yes. But she was also prepared, she was excited, she was ready to get back into the swing of things.
People began walking into the lockers, faces she recognised, faces she didn’t. She quickly ran to the bathrooms and got changed, tying her hair up in a ponytail, before stress plaiting its heft, the end of it reaching a bit low on her back. She cringed, she needed a haircut, bad.
That wasn’t relevant now though. So she tossed it behind her head, threw her stuff back into her locker. Pinned her ID on, pocketed her phone, and ran right into her brother. He looked down to see who had just made him almost spill his red bull, alas, it was his annoying little sister who he had not seen since yesterday afternoon.
“Welcome back,” he grinned, then frowned, “You almost made me spill my drink.”
She threw a hand up to wave it in his face, dismissing him.
“Frankie, maybe it’s a sign to stop drinking those then,” she laughed, pointing to his habitual red bull. He just frowned again, before pulling her into a side hug.
“See you out there!” She said over her shoulder before walking out to join find Robby and let him know she was ready for the day.