Chapter Text
“Where are you fucking off to, Nathan? Thought we were getting drinks tonight!”
Nathan closed his eyes at the sound of Kelly’s voice at his back. He set a grin on his face and whipped around with open arms. “I’m off to shag your mum; I’ll drink you under the table another night!”
Kelly scowled and turned back to her locker, slipping out of her jumpsuit. Nathan only paused for a moment before quickly walking out of the locker room and dodging through the halls of the community centre to reach his destination.
Typically Nathan wouldn’t have been caught dead visiting a counselling office for any reason but to pick up some free condoms. Today, though, he had a real appointment. And the lady wasn’t even hot.
He found a nice place in the room to lean against where he wasn’t visible from the hall. They should have some damn blinds on these windows, Nathan thought bitterly, no one wants to be seen in a place like this. A community centre therapist, for Christ’s sake.
“Nathan? I’m ready for you in here,” the old bat poked her head out from her posh office; her floral print chair looking prepared to swallow Nathan as soon as he decided to sit in it.
“Oh thank the heavens, we can finally be alone together, my lovely,” Nathan reached down and rubbed his crotch for no reason but to offend her. To be honest, it was the reason behind most of what he did in life.
She didn’t seem very offended. She merely turned back into the office, presumably waiting for Nathan to follow. Reluctantly, he did. There wasn’t much that she could do to make his situation worse, was there?
Sitting in a fancy black computer chair, the woman turned toward Nathan and gestured toward the floral print chair. He fell back into it with a gruff sigh.
“So, you ever get it on on this thing? Must have been quite the experience. Quite bouncy I’d expect, though.” To prove his point, Nathan bounced up and down a couple times before reacting to her stern stare over the wire rim of her glasses. He slowly stopped bouncing and settled in for his hour long appointment.
She shuffled the papers in her hands and cleared her throat. Nathan hummed to himself and picked at an annoying button on the arm of the chair.
“My name is Kim.”
“I think I shagged a girl named Kim once. Couldn’t have been you, could it have?”
Kim didn’t look amused. She also didn’t get flustered like women usually did at Nathan’s crude comments. She merely stared at him again, over those glasses. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. She must have put up with enough shits like him to know what to expect.
“What would you like to talk about today, Nathan?”
He scoffed at the casualness of the question. Where could they begin?
“Well, we could start with my deep down daddy issues, my obvious dependence on alcohol, my criminal record, my sarcasm, my personality in general. Really the only thing I have going for me are my charming good looks.”
Kim chuckled humorlessly, “Perhaps we should start with the questionnaire I had you fill out before we started this week.” She lifted it off her lap and waved it at him, as though it was a reminder as to how fucked over he really was.
“You indicated here that you’ve attempted to kill yourself several times?”
“Well not attempted, I actually did.”
Kim raised her eyebrow, obviously not amused.
“I’m immortal.”
She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. Nathan grinned, knowing that he had finally struck a chord of annoyance with her, though he didn’t quite understand why he was so proud of that.
“It also says here that you drink every day of the week?”
Nathan nodded with a smile, “If that’s too much you should really talk to the cafeteria about stocking up on milk instead of booze. It’s hard to live off of constant intoxication.”
Kim narrowed her eyes, “Are you telling me that you only drink what we have in stock here in the community centre?”
“Well I live here, you know.”
“So you’re the one who broke the vending machine and steals from the kitchen?” Kim was jotting furiously in her papers. Nathan stared at her moving pen for a moment before giving his reply. He was trying to catch what she was scribbling down.
“That would be me.” He tilted his head, trying to look closer. “Would you like my number to write down? If you’re ever here early or late we could hook up for a bit. Don’t worry; I’ve been with older than you.” He shuddered at the memory.
Kim didn’t look up. “Should we talk about your obvious sexual frustration and deviance, or should we build up to that?”
Nathan clamped his mouth shut and sunk lower in the chair. Kim glanced at him for a moment, paused in her writing, scribbled something more down and sat up straighter.
“Nathan, I’m going to ask you a personal question that you are allowed to ignore, answer, or tell me to fuck off with,” Nathan’s eyebrows flew up at her cursing, but nodded.
Kim tapped her pen on her chair’s arm as she looked at him for a moment before continuing on. “Nathan, were you ever sexually abused?”
Nathan set his jaw and stared back at her. He was determined not to show any emotion on this subject. It was the last thing that he had come in to discuss with a stranger.
So he laughed, “Oh Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim. I think you and I know that I’m not the kind of man to get abused. What kind of pussy would that make me?” Images of the pedophile in IKEA flashed through his mind. His mother’s old boyfriends.
Kim made a tut sound with her tongue and set her papers down on the floor beside her. Nathan chewed the inside of his cheek as he watched her assess his reaction. They stared at each other for a good moment, Nathan’s heart still racing at the sudden flashbacks he had just suffered, Kim’s pen still tapping against the chair’s arm.
“Could you knock that off?” Nathan snapped, standing up.
Kim held the pen still. “We still have another forty minutes.”
Nathan reached for the doorknob. He looked back at her with a grin, “I need to go wank off, it’s been hours since I last did.” On his way out of the main office, he grabbed a good handful of condoms from the candy bowl on the secretary’s desk.