Chapter Text
Dean rolls over to feel sunlight on his face, and has the distinct sensation that someone is watching him. He opens his eyes to discover he’s right, and that his boyfriend Cas is lying in bed gazing over at him.
“Dude, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s just creepy.” He props himself up, shaking the sleep from his eyes and taking in the room. Cas always stays at Dean’s place, so when he suggested they go back to his own apartment last night Dean was excited for the chance to see his place. He had been telling the truth, it isn’t much, but something about it is so very Cas that Dean instantly loved it. He leans over to give Cas a quick peck. “Thank god tomorrow’s the weekend, I can’t wait to spend all day in bed with you.”
That’s when Dean notices how quiet Cas has been, and how nervous he looks. Was it nervous? Suspicious maybe? Something is definitely up, and Dean’s going to find out what. Dean glares at him with his ‘out with it’ face until Cas squirms and gets out of bed.
As Cas starts pulling on clothes he begins stammering awkwardly. “Sorry, early morning class, I need to get going. Plus, much as Ellen says she likes me, I’m pretty sure she’ll tan my hide if you’re late again.”
“Oh my god do not talk like them when I’m still naked in your bed. Hard no.” Dean shakes his head as he accidentally pictures the closest thing he has to a mom chastising him. Cas chuckles and Dean grins, and for a seconds it’s normal. Then Cas blushes again and Dean remembers his mission. “Cas what is going on? You’ve gone all cuckoo’s nest this morning."
Cas shakes his head and then smiles, and Dean knows he’s done for, no matter what follows. “It’s nothing. Happy Anniversary Dean.”
Anniversary?!? Is that a thing? Shit. But then a thought occurs to Dean. “Wait, it’s October, we didn’t get together until the spring, after your conference!” His words slap Cas in the face as well as any backhand and he turns to look out the window, dejected.
Dean instantly regrets his reaction and tries to compensate. He gets out of bed and heads toward Cas. “I’m sorry, wait. I just, it hasn’t been a year yet, as far as I can tell, and even then I’m not sure when we should be counting from, so what anniversary, Cas?”
He turns back to Dean less morose but still not his usual self. Dean tries to salvage the moment by holding him with a hand on each shoulder, eyes locked. “Hey, I’m excited to do something for our anniversary, you just caught me off guard. I’ve never had one of these before, so I don’t really know what I’m doing here, ok?”
Cas seems to come out his trance and nods. “Of course Dean, that was thoughtless of me, I’m sorry. We don’t have to do anyth–” Dean cuts him off.
“If you have something planned, I’m in. Green, Cas. Whatever you want, let’s celebrate.” He means it and he hopes Cas can see that. He holds the man’s gaze a little bit longer than strictly necessary to try to convey that. Hell, he’d happily skywrite “D + C” in a big heart across the sky for everyone to see if that were still a thing. Is that still a thing? Can you even hire skywriters anymore?
“Well, if you’re sure. It’s, well it’s the anniversary of the first time we ate dinner together. Your brother never showed, I was awkward as hell, and you were too kind.” At this Dean lets out a full-bodied laugh, throwing his head back and bracing himself with the hands still resting on Cas’ shoulders.
“I think you have that backwards, but I’m not going to argue with you on our anniversary.” Dean teases with the last words, knows he’s being obnoxiously domestic, but finds he doesn’t care. Hell, he’ll do anything today to make Cas happy, and he doesn’t mind for once if that’s written plain as day on his face.
“Ok.” Cas begins sheepishly, and Dean can’t figure for the life of him what’s going to happen next. “Well, if you’re up for it, I thought we could do dinner on campus, bit of a commemoration, you know? I, um, I got you a gift; I thought you could wear it to dinner, after work, once you’ve changed. If you want to.”
Dean’s not sure why Cas is rambling so but he can worry about that later once he actually knows what he’s dealing with. “Of course I’ll wear it Cas! If you picked it out I’m sure it’ll be awesome. Is it like a watch or something?”
At that Cas finally calms down, and Dean sees the smile he loves so much creep through. “Or something.” That smile spells trouble but Dean can’t help himself. He knows he’s putty in Cas’ hands.
“Ok cool, see you there, say, 6?” Dean knows he has to get going too, but he wants to finish this conversation before getting ready, wants Cas to know he has his full attention.
“Sounds great. Now let’s get ready or we’ll be subjected to a tongue-lashing by Ellen!” He breaks away from Dean to finish getting ready, and Dean grabs his clothes to put them on as quickly as possible. Cas may be weird about anniversaries, but he’s not wrong about Ellen Harvelle.
Thirty minutes later Dean’s dropping Cas off on campus and they’ve just pulled into the loading zone. Cas is flustered but Dean figures it’s cause they’re running late, despite their best intentions. Just before opening the door he leans in and kisses Dean deep and slow, the passion of promise just below a chaste veneer. “Happy anniversary,” he breathes, their lips just barely apart. “And don’t forget, after work.” He passes him a wrapped box slightly larger than a paperback before getting out of the car, waving goodbye, and heading off to his building.
* * *
Dean has never been a patient man. He’s also never been very good with surprises. He tries to ignore both these facts as he works around the shop Friday morning. He hadn’t thought much about it when Cas gave him the gift, but now that he’s here and had his earful from Ellen (Cas called that for sure) he’s having trouble keeping his mind off of it. Cas had said it was something for him to wear, but that it wasn’t a watch, so what is it? What if it’s a tie and it doesn’t match the one stupid shirt he owns and is going to wear tonight because damnit if he doesn’t actually want to look his best for his boyfriend.
Boyfriend. The word still seemed strange falling from his lips. No longer in a surprised or hesitant way, as it did at first, but in a nervous, incredulous way, as if he still isn’t sure how he has one and is always afraid he’ll lose him. Cas constantly reassures him that this is not the case, that he loves him and isn’t going anywhere, but Dean is so unaccustomed to this feeling he isn’t sure how to trust it. Only now, months in, is he starting to let his guard down all the way, and only some of the time, trusting Cas not to hurt him. It’s the scariest fucking thing he has ever done, exposing himself to Cas like this, being this vulnerable, but it’s been worth it so far.
Whether they’re hanging out or he just receives a text, Cas makes Dean smile every single day. And everyone’s fine. Sam’s safe. Bobby and Ellen are safe. Jo’s even started texting him from school and being a general pain in the ass, so he knows she’s ok. Between Cas’ constant affections and Bobby’s subtle reassurances Dean’s starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, this is it. He can be happy, and that’d be ok.
To be honest the past year has been amazing. He loved spending time with Cas before he realised how he felt, and except for their rough patch he’s loved every chance he’s had since to be with him. They text all the time but honestly they rarely go a day without seeing each other, and Cas stays over more nights than he doesn’t. They watch movies together or old sci-fi shows, order take out or make each other something (although it’s usually Dean who cooks), or stay in his room only leaving for water or washcloths.
Dean shudders slightly at the memory and the looks about, hoping no one saw him. It appears he’s safe this time. The garage is empty; the guys must be out searching for parts. Given that, Dean lets himself remember some of the highlights of their adventures so far. He should have known Cas was a liar when he played innocent all those months ago, pretending he didn’t know how to use safewords. God, he knows exactly how to use them. Dean tries to reign in his thoughts but it’s not working very well while their greatest hits roll through his mind’s eye: that first night Cas tied him up with his suspenders and caught him as he fell apart; the time Sam and Jess left town for a weekend and Cas took him on almost every surface in the house; the first time Cas fucked him with a dildo while blowing him and he’d thought he was going to die; the way Cas’ eyes trembled when Dean parked the car and went down on him on the side of the highway one night, unable to wait until they got home.
Dean rubs his hand across his forehead to wipe away the sheen that’s broken out. Why exactly had this seemed like a good idea? He looks around again to ensure he is still alone, and then allows himself just one pass against his jeans over his swelling cock. It makes him moan and feel even worse but he needs it. Checking the clock he realises that it’s almost lunch, and while he’s not proud, he knows what he needs to do.
He sneaks into the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He never wants to get caught, but he sure as hell doesn’t want to get caught here by any of the guys. Ugh, or Bobby. That alone has his dick a bit more under control, but right then his phone buzzes and he nearly jumps out of his skin.
<<Have you peeked yet?
Peeked at what? Oh right, the present. Dean angrily typed out a hurried reply.
>>Haven’t had time for games. Am in the bathroom seriously considering defiling myself because just remembering some of the things we’ve done gave me an embarrassingly pronounced situation here.
<<Don’t stop on my account.
Dean stares at the message a full ten seconds. Did he just…This man is going to be the death of me, I swear. He mutters to himself as he put the phone back in his pocket, trying to control himself. A second later it buzzes and he has to retrieve it again.
<<Would it make you feel better to know I already had to defile myself on campus this morning, which I might add is a higher risk level than the locked employees bathroom at the shop?
>>You’re kidding me
<<Never about this Dean. I was remembering the way you dropped to your knees for me last weekend, then how pretty you screamed when I drove you into the mattress
God. Fucking. Damnit. Dean double-checks the lock and then hurriedly opens and drops his pants, not daring to put the phone down for a moment. What the hell, right? In for a penny….
>>What else?
<<What else did I need Dean? Just thinking of you reading a book or making breakfast gets me hard, thinking about the way you swirled your tongue around my cock in the back seat of your car was all I needed to push me over the edge.
Fuck he’s in trouble. Dean tries to type back with his right hand while stroking himself with his left, but it’s too hard. He manages to type “geeeb” and get that off before giving up. As his phone buzzes again he guesses Cas has figured it out and decided to keep going.
<<I thought about how you taste, the way you grab my hair, my arms, my shoulder. Thought about the sounds you make as I open you up. Thought about that first time at the bar when I said “safeword” to you and your eyes nearly bugged out of your skull
Fuuuuuuck. Dean is so close, he can feel it just out of reach. He bites his lip and lets his right hand take over, flying up and down with no finesse, just urgent, desperate need.
<<I thought about how completely you fall apart for me and let me put you back together, how you trust me with you, how you’ve opened up for me in every sense and how I can never properly show you how much I want you, need you, every second of every day
Ungh. That’s it. Dean holds himself carefully so he doesn’t make a mess of his clothes, but he’s spurting all over his hand and gasping for air, leaning against the wall for support. Part of him is judging the way he came from a mushy message, but that voice isn’t as loud as it used to be, and he is able to quiet it now because he knows the truth. Cas loves him, and that love means more to him than any dirty text.
>>Fuck Cas. Just, holy shit. I can’t wait to see you tonight.
<<Oh good. Cause I’ve got plans for you, Dean Winchester. Enjoy the rest of your lunch ;)
He should’ve known better, he really should have, but this second he just doesn’t care. He waits a minute to catch his breath and then cleans up, making sure there’s no incriminating evidence left behind. Washing his hands, he sprays cold water in his face and then tries to go back to work. It’s going to be a long ass afternoon.