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She put him out like the burnin’ end of a midnight cigarette / She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin’ to forget
“You expected me to stay after everything that has happened, Jesse? You are more immature and dense than I originally thought.” Every word that Hanzo spit in fury drove the knife in Jesse’s heart further and further until he thought he was going to break entirely.
“Hanzo, sweetheart, I don’t…I never…” He couldn’t find the words. He had messed up badly enough this time that there were no fixing things. He had pushed Hanzo too far and now there was no coming back. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, gritting his teeth a little as the tears threatened to spill.
“If you had just listened to me the first time and stopped seeing him , we would not be having this conversation right now…I am sorry.” The gentle kiss that Hanzo gives Jesse as he walks out leaves him shattered beyond repair, sobbing into the ground. That was the last time the cowboy would see the assassin. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and Jesse leaves his room a little less each day until he stops coming out altogether. Angela leaves food for him, and Jesse leaves his dishes in exchange.
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time / But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Nobody mentions the steadily increasing quantity of whiskey that Jesse requests each week. Angela expresses her concerns for his liver, but he ignores her. He drinks until he’s numb, and it works for a while. When he stops going numb, he drinks until he passes out. Hanzo prowls through his alcohol-soaked dreams, leaving him with his raw emotions when he wakes up. When he is no longer able to pass out, Jesse starts to thumb the trigger on Peacekeeper wistfully.
Until the night / He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger / And finally drank away her memory / Life is short but this time it was bigger / Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
Jesse had to rewrite the note seven times before he was satisfied with it. Finishing off the last of his bottle, Jesse settles himself on his bed. Peacekeeper was in one hand, the note in the other.
“I loved you so much Han. I messed up. You were always right, I shouldn’t have let my pride get in the way. I thought I knew better. I know how much I fucked up. I just...I just wished I had realized it sooner.” Jesse pressed the barrel against his temple, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. A memory spread itself across his mind’s eye:
“Come on, Jesse. One more drink. It’s not like it’s gonna kill you. I should know.” Gabriel passed Jesse another open bottle, and the cowboy grinned. He had already had a few to many, but he just couldn’t resist the pleading tone in his former mentor’s voice. He snatched the bottle up from Gabe, nudging him with his shoulder.
“This’ll be the last one for me, Gabi. Hanzo’ll be missin’ me.” He snickered, teetering on his feet a little as he took another drink. It wasn’t long before he started to get dizzy. He tried to blame it on the alcohol, but this was different. His vision was fading fast and before he knew it, he was incapacitated. He had tried to fight against Gabriel. To get away. He couldn't, though. He wasn't sure if it was because the bigger man was now straddling his waist and undressing him, or if it was because his limbs felt like they were made of concrete. He couldn't concentrate. He should have known it was over when the camera flashed and dazed him.
He couldn’t handle this anymore. This pain. It was too much to bear. He felt like there was a weight that was slowly getting heavier with each passing day and he just wanted it to end . “I’m so sorry. I will always love you, darlin’.” Before the first tear could fall, he pulls the trigger.
We found him with his face down in the pillow / With a note that said I’ll lover her till I die
Angela finds him the next morning when she realizes that last night’s dishes are not out and opens his door to check on him. She screams, stumbling back into the hallway with her hand pressed over her mouth, tears pouring freely down her face as she calls everyone for an immediate meeting. Hanzo is the first person to show up. No one points out the surprise followed by the pain that flashes in his gaze, or the tears that start to gather. He keeps the note folded into his obi .
And when we buried him beneath the willow / The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
Jesse’s funeral is a somber event. Angela delivers the eulogy, and everyone pays their respects as they lower his coffin into the ground just outside the perimeter of the base. He was placed on the cliff overlooking the sea, and Hanzo sits beside his grave marker for a few hours after everyone leaves. It is the only place he can openly cry and apologize for his stupidity. That night, Hanzo orders a bottle of whiskey.
The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself / For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
If there was one thing that Hanzo prided himself on, it was his ability to maintain a façade. There was no covering up the bottles of whiskey he ordered, but no one asked any questions. There was no hiding the way he tensed up whenever someone remotely mentioned Jesse, and the rest of the team pretended not to notice for his sake. Days grew into weeks, weeks grew into months, and months grew into years. Hanzo was losing his bravery.
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time / But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Hanzo couldn’t stand this pain any more. It was his fault that Jesse was gone. He hadn’t worked up the courage to apologize soon enough. He hadn’t even been able to give him a proper goodbye. He stared at the empty bottle in his hand, his anger suddenly spiking as he chucked the glass against his wall, watching it shatter. He needed to get out of here. Changing into something more comfortable, Hanzo left. He found himself at a bar, in the arms of a complete and total stranger as he fought to clear his mind of those thoughts that plagued him. It worked for a little while. He found himself in the arms of a different stranger every night, drinking away his pain and sharing another’s bed until he started to notice the pattern. This one had his hair, that one had his drawl. He stopped going out.
Until the night / She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger / And finally drank away his memory / Life is short but this time it was bigger / Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
Hanzo paced restlessly in his room, liquor and emotion clouding his thoughts as he tried to remember the little things. He found he couldn’t remember Jesse’s laugh, or the way his eyes crinkled around the edges when he smiled, or the way he held him at night when they were together. This was all his doing, he knew. If he hadn’t overreacted, if he had just… talked with Jesse instead of downright leaving, maybe his cowboy would still be here with him. The thought brought him to his knees. It took him a few tries, but he managed to open the storage box under his bed and he withdrew the one memory he had left of Jesse. Peacekeeper. He had nabbed it from his former lover’s room before they could take it from him. He brushed his fingertips lightly over the details, something tightening in his chest as a sob wracked him.
“Jesse, I am so sorry. It is my fault that you are not here with us…with me . I made a mistake. Jesse I…I love you so much…” Hanzo set the gun carefully on his bed, withdrawing a dusty picture frame from the box. It was an old photo from several years ago, when the pair had just begun to date. Jesse was throwing him the peace sign, other hand resting lightly on his gun. Another thought flashed through his mind, a memory:
Hanzo had felt the familiar pang of worry when he woke up to an empty bed. It wasn’t like Jesse to not come back after a night out. He was dressed in an instant and halfway down the hallway when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He turned around to face Gabriel Reyes, Jesse’s old commander. Something cold unfurled in his gut.
“Hanzo, I have something you might like. A souvenir, if you will, for letting Jesse stay out so late.” The way the man chuckled sent a shudder down his spine. He took the photo that was offered to him and he swore, feeling like someone had just yanked the carpet out from under him. He had told Jesse to stop hanging out with this...this thing that tried to pass himself off as a man. He stared at the photo again. Jesse was laying on the bed, looking too far gone as Gabriel hovered over him. It wasn’t hard to tell what they had been doing. Hanzo just wished he knew why they had been doing it. It hadn’t occurred to him to ask before he jumped to conclusions.
The tightening in his chest cracked something and he got up, curling up on his bed as he stared at the picture for a moment. As if in a daze, the assassin reached for Peacekeeper and pressed the barrel against the soft part of his jaw. He expected to tremble, or to have second thoughts, but he only felt that voice urging him on. He soon realized that it was Jesse’s voice. He caved.
“I will see you soon, Jesse.” He whispered, swallowing thickly before he squeezed the trigger.
We found her with her face down in the pillow / Clinging to his picture for dear life
Genji found his brother the following evening. He had been sent to retrieve him for a debriefing. When his brother didn’t answer, he opened the door. Shock hit him before he could cry. With shaking hands, he sent a message out to the rest of the members of Overwatch. He was soon joined by Zenyatta and Angie, who stood on either side of him.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow / While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
Hanzo was buried next to Jesse, both of their resting places overlooking the sea. Their friends and loved ones gathered around their gravestones that night, telling stories about the pair and doing their best to keep their memory alive .
“At least they are together again.” Angela’s voice was soft but, somehow, it brought comfort to the rest of them. She was right. They were together again, and that was all that mattered.