Chapter Text
Ryo wasn't, per se, clingy.
He just always wanted to be around Sakuya, hugging him, leaning against him, staying close whenever he could. It wasn't neediness, it was comfort, second nature to him. Being near Sakuya made everything feel calmer, quieter, like he could finally relax without thinking too much.
They had just finished performing at the SBS award show, and all Sakuya wanted to do was take off the hot uncomfortable outfit he was stuck in and collapse onto the nearest couch until it was time to head home.
At home he could actually relax and sleep, and not stress about some performance he needed to do. Just simple practice tomorrow and that was it.
But it wasn't that easy.
He couldn't just rest, at least not yet.
He still had a bunch of photos to take for their social media, and that thought alone made his head throb.
He'd already been exhausted before the performance, spending hours filming a dozen promotional videos for TikTok that they wouldn't even post till months later.
Normally he wouldn't have really minded. He could push through it with a smile and have fun while doing work.
But tonight was different.
He didn't feel like interacting with other idols, let alone his own bandmates. All he wanted was a moment of quietness before heading home in a cramped car with the rest of his members.
So he stood there waiting as the staff set up the ring light, just drifting off and imagining what peace would feel like laying down an—
Then suddenly a wave of warmth.
More than he had already felt.
Something—or should he say someone—latched onto his back, arms wrapped around him in a familiar hug.
"Ryo... please not right now," Sakuya pleaded, trying to keep his voice soft despite the way his shoulders tensed.
"But Sakuchan is just so cozy and comfortable," Ryo replied in a playful baby tone, leaning onto him even more.
Ryo reached around, attempting to pinch Sakuya's cheeks with a grin.
Sakuya felt suffocated.
He was already hot as his clothes clung to him. Having someone pressed against him like this only made it worse.
Normally he maybe would have laughed and let Ryo do whatever he wants like usual.
But not tonight.
He tried to push Ryo off as gently as he could.
"Ryo," he said again, this time more harshly.
Ryo, still thinking they were just playing around, didn't stop.
If anything he clung to him even more, poking at him and trying to tickle him, completely missing the shift in Sakuya's mood.
Before Sakuya could say something he would regret, a staff member called out for them to gather together for a group photo.
Yushi, who had been watching the whole thing unfold, quickly picked up on the difference in their energy.
Sakuya wasn't playing along like usual. He didn't have the soft smile that he would try and hide from Ryo.
Without making a big deal, he stepped in between them as they lined up, subtly and quickly blocking Ryo from latching onto Sakuya again.
For a brief moment, Yushi glanced over at him, making sure he was okay.
Sakuya met his eyes and gave him a small tired look, one that silently thanked him.
Finally the photos were done, and they were allowed to head back to the waiting rooms to change into something more comfortable.
As they walked, Sakuya felt Ryo's hand brush against his, trying to lace their fingers together.
He pulled away.
A split second later, Ryo reached again.
Sakuya pulled back again, a little quicker this time, trying to signal Ryo that he wanted him to stop and that he wasn't messing around.
But still, Ryo didn't stop.
Sakuya stayed quiet, biting back his frustration.
He didn't want to snap.
Not here.
Not now.
And especially not at Ryo.
By the time they made it back to the waiting room, everyone had already started changing, the tense energy from earlier fading into tired chatter.
Soon they were all dressed in different outfits, just waiting for the van to arrive and take them back to the dorm.
Sakuya didn't bother joining any conversations.
The second he spotted the couch, he plopped onto it, letting out a hushed sigh as he finally relaxed into it.
For the first time all night, he could breathe.
And just take the few minutes that he needed.
His eyes started to drift shut.
"Oof—"
Sakuya's eyes jolted open, a noise of discomfort escaping his mouth as a weight pressed into his side.
His eyes opened to find Ryo already curled up against him, nuzzling into him closer than before.
Ryo shifted, trying to tuck his head into the crook of Sakuya's neck like how he always did when they were cuddled together sleeping.
His arms started wrapping around him again.
And there, something in Sakuya snapped.
"Ryo, stop."
His voice was sharper and louder than he intended.
But Ryo still didn't pull back.
"I said stop. Ryo."
He repeated it as he sat up and harshly pushed him off himself.
"You're so damn clingy."
The room went quiet.
The words hung heavier than he expected.
Ryo froze where he was, the softness in his expression faltering as confusion flickered across his face.
Then his voice, quieter than ever, and even more hurt.
"I..."
Ryo hesitated, hands pulling back into his lap.
"I was just—"
Ryo's gaze dropped, unable to look into Sakuya's eyes, his shoulders curling in just slightly.
"...Ryo's sorry," he muttered.
And that made Sakuya's chest tighten.
The frustration was still there, but the overwhelming feeling of guilt was eating at him now.
Sakuya looked away, running a hand through his hair, exhaling shakily.
He had wanted space.
But not like this.
He didn't know what to do or what to say.
He couldn't explain how much it hurt to see Ryo not being able to look at him, and the way he had retreated into himself.
"Look, Ryo, I'm s—"
The door opened.
The staff walked in, cutting him off, saying that the vans were here and it was time to leave.
Awkwardly everyone shuffled into the car.
Sakuya desperately wanted to talk to Ryo and try to make it up to him, apologize, and take back every harsh word he told him.
But Ryo had already plugged his ears with his headphones and stared out of the window.
The ride back was painfully quiet.
Sakuya kept glancing over, wanting to say something.
Anything.
Every word Sakuya had wanted to say stayed stuck in his throat.
When they got back to the dorm, everyone shuffled inside, exhaustion taking over.
Sakuya stayed for a moment before heading to the bathroom.
He stood in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection, disappointed at himself.
Something about Ryo is that he always slept in Saku’s bed.
Always.
Curled up beside him, clinging to him like nothing else in the world mattered.
But when Sakuya finally walked back into their room, Ryo was already in his own bed, turned away.
Either asleep or pretending to be.
Sakuya didn’t know what would be worse.
"...Ryo," he said quietly.
No response.
So instead Sakuya just climbed into bed, hoping tomorrow would be different.
The next morning, Sakuya woke up slowly, the events from the night before still weighing on him.
Still out of habit, he turned over half asleep, expecting to find Ryo right beside him.
But he just felt emptiness.
His eyes opened a little wider.
Ryo's bed was already made.
That felt wrong.
Ryo was never up before him.
If anything, he was usually the one clinging to Sakuya, refusing to wake up, burying his face into the blankets or into Sakuya's shoulder.
Always mumbling something incoherent about "five more minutes."
Sakuya sat up, the uneasiness settling in the pit of his stomach.
He headed to the bathroom, going through the motions—washing his face, brushing his teeth—but his mind wasn't there.
All he could think about was last night.
And the way Ryo had looked at him.
The way his voice was so small.
Sakuya squeezed his eyes shut for a second, gripping the edge of the sink.
By the time he got dressed and made his way to the kitchen, the dorm was already filled with quiet morning noise—dishes clinking, low chatter, and someone laughing softly.
And Ryo was there.
I mean, of course he was.
This was his home too.
But him just sitting at the table.
Not just anywhere, but away from the spot he usually sat.
Not next to Sakuya's usual spot.
He wasn't even looking in his direction.
He was across the table, focused on his food and quietly eating like nothing was wrong.
Like Sakuya wasn't even there.
Saku had no right to be upset.
But it still hurt him so bad.
"...Morning," Sakuya said, his voice coming out more hesitant than he had intended.
A few of the members responded casually.
But Ryo didn't.
Not even a glance.
Sakuya paused for a second before forcing himself to move.
Grabbing something to eat, he deliberately sat across from him.
Close enough, for the time being.
"Ryo," he tried.
Nothing.
Ryo reached for his drink, eyes fixed on the table.
It was a subtle ignorance anyone else might not have noticed.
But Sakuya did.
Because he was purposely avoiding him.
The rest of breakfast felt suffocating.
Every time Sakuya tried to catch Ryo's attention, Ryo would shift just slightly enough to dodge eye contact.
And when he finished eating, he stood up quickly.
"I'm done," he said quietly.
Still not looking at him.
Then he left.
Just like that.
Sakuya sat there for a moment, his appetite gone.
"...You okay?" one of the members asked, noticing how absentminded he looked.
Sakuya forced a small smile and nodded.
"Yeah," he lied.
But his chest felt tight.
He was hoping that the rest of the day would get better.
But it didn't.
At practice, Ryo was *normal*.
Like someone acting so normal that it came out as *too* normal.
He laughed at the others' jokes, followed instructions, and did everything he was supposed to do.
But every time Sakuya got even remotely close, Ryo would move over, turn away, or switch spots with whoever he could, always finding an excuse to be somewhere else.
It wasn't obvious.
But it was intentional.
And Sakuya felt every bit of it.
At one point during a break, Sakuya finally managed to corner him near the mirrors.
"Ryo."
He stepped in front of him before he could walk away again.
Ryo stopped.
He had nowhere to go.
But still, he didn't look up.
"...What?" he asked quietly.
That made Sakuya's stomach twist.
No nickname.
No softness.
Just that.
Just *what.*
"Can we talk?" Sakuya asked.
Ryo hesitated for a second. It looked like he was going to say yes.
"I have to go over the choreography again."
Ryo said as he tried to sidestep him.
Sakuya's hand instinctively reached out, catching his wrist.
Ryo froze.
For a brief moment, neither of them moved.
Sakuya's grip wasn't tight.
But it was enough to keep him there.
"...You've been avoiding me," Sakuya said, his voice lower now.
Ryo's shoulders tensed.
"I'm not."
It was quiet.
Flat.
And a lie.
Sakuya exhaled shakily.
"Ryo—"
"I said I'm not."
Ryo pulled his wrist free this time.
Still not looking Sakuya in the eye.
Then he walked away.
---
By the time they got back to the dorm later that evening, the distance hadn't changed.
If anything...
It had gotten worse.
Ryo stayed close to the others.
He laughed a little louder.
Talked a little more than usual.
Like he was filling the space Sakuya used to be in.
And Sakuya...
Well.
He didn't know where to stand anymore.
That night, it happened again.
Ryo went to bed early.
In his own bed.
Alone.
Facing away.
Not even hesitating.
No "goodnight."
Nothing.
Sakuya stood in the doorway for a long moment, just watching him.
His chest tightened again into that same hollow feeling from the night before.
"...Ryo," he said quietly.
No response.
But this time, Sakuya didn't let it end there.
He stepped closer.
He stood there for a moment, staring at Ryo's back.
He hesitated for a split second, fingers curling at his sides, before finally stepping farther into the room.
The door clicked softly shut behind him.
The faint hum of the dorm filled the silence, but it did nothing to ease the tension sitting heavy in his chest.
"Ryo..." he called softly again.
Still no response.
Ryo didn't even move.
Didn't even shift beneath the blankets.
If he was pretending again...
He was doing a good job of it.
Sakuya swallowed.
He took a few careful steps forward, stopping beside Ryo's bed.
Now that he was closer, he could see the unsteady rise and fall of his shoulders.
"You're not asleep," Sakuya said quietly.
Still nothing.
For a second, Sakuya considered leaving.
Giving him space. I mean that’s what Ryo seem to want.
But he couldn't handle another day of pretending everything was normal.
With a quiet sigh, Sakuya slowly sat down on the edge of Ryo's bed.
Careful not to disturb him.
The mattress dipped slightly beneath his weight.
"I didn't mean that," he started, his voice low.
"What I said yesterday..."
"I didn't mean it like that."
Ryo shifted.
Just barely.
But enough to tell Sakuya he was listening.
"I wasn't... mad at you," Sakuya continued, choosing each word carefully.
"I was just tired."
"And hot."
"And overwhelmed."
"And I took it out on you."
His hands clenched slightly in the fabric of his pants.
"That's not fair to you."
The silence stretched again, but this time it felt less empty.
More fragile.
"...You pushed me," Ryo mumbled, his voice small and muffled by the pillow.
Sakuya's chest tightened.
"I know," he said softly.
"I'm sorry."
Another pause.
"I just wanted to hug you... and you pushed me," Ryo said a little louder this time.
"You always let me..."
There was no accusation in his voice.
Sakuya exhaled shakily, his gaze dropping.
"I know. And I usually don't mind," he admitted.
"I like it, even."
That got a small reaction out of Ryo. His shoulders shifted slightly.
"But yesterday..." Sakuya said gently.
"I just needed a little space."
"I should've told you properly instead of snapping."
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then, slowly, Ryo turned over.
His eyes were open now, a little glassy in the dim light, his expression softer...
But still uncertain.
"...So you don't hate it?" he asked quietly.
Sakuya's expression softened immediately.
"No."
He said it more firmly this time.
"I don't hate it. Not even close."
Ryo searched his face, like he was trying to decide whether to believe him.
"...Then can I still..."
He hesitated.
"...hug you?"
The question was so small.
So careful.
It made something in Sakuya change.
Sakuya let out a quiet breath before nodding.
"Yeah," he said softly.
"Just... maybe not when I'm melting alive in stage outfits, okay?"
That earned the faintest hint of a smile from Ryo.
"Okay."
---
There was a brief pause before Ryo pushed himself up.
He moved hesitantly, like he wasn't sure if the invitation still stood.
Sakuya didn't make him question it.
He shifted closer on the bed, opening his arms just slightly.
And that was all it took.
Ryo immediately leaned into him.
Slower than usual.
As if testing boundaries that had never existed before.
His arms wrapped around Sakuya, not as tightly as before.
His head rested lightly against his shoulder instead of burying into him.
Sakuya relaxed into it this time.
One of his hands came up, resting gently against Ryo's back.
He gave a few small, reassuring pats before simply letting it stay there.
"I'll tell you next time," Sakuya murmured quietly.
"If I need space."
Ryo nodded faintly against him.
"Okay."
"And you don't have to stop being you," Sakuya added after a moment.
There was another pause.
"Even if I'm clingy?" Ryo asked, just barely teasing now.
Sakuya huffed softly, something closer to a tired laugh.
"Yes."
"Even if you're clingy."
That seemed to settle something.
Ryo relaxed more fully against him, the tension finally leaving his body as he curled closer.
And for the first time that night...
Everything between them actually felt comfortable again.
---
For a while, neither of them spoke.
The room was quiet.
The kind of quiet that didn't feel empty.
Ryo's breathing had evened out slightly, but Sakuya could still feel the faint tension lingering in him, as if he was holding something back.
Sakuya's hand rested against Ryo's back.
Unmoving at first.
Before slowly...
Very slowly...
He began tracing small patterns into the fabric of his shirt.
"Ryo," he said softly.
A small hum answered him.
"Mm?"
Sakuya hesitated.
His fingers stilled.
He needed to get this off his chest.
"I think I made it sound like I don't want you around," he admitted, his voice quieter than before.
"Like you're too much."
Ryo didn't answer right away.
But Sakuya felt it.
The way his grip tightened just a little.
"Was I?"
Ryo asked after a moment.
The question itself was fragile.
Like he wasn't sure if he actually wanted the answer.
Sakuya's chest tightened immediately.
"No."
He answered far too quickly.
Then, softer.
More certain.
"No.”
“You weren't."
He exhaled, his hand pressing a little more firmly against Ryo's back, like he was trying to ground both of them.
"You're... a lot sometimes," he admitted with a faint, tired huff.
"But not in a bad way."
Ryo shifted just enough to look up at him, his brows faintly drawn together.
"That doesn't sound much better," he muttered.
Sakuya let out a quiet breath, shaking his head.
"I mean it like..."
He paused, searching for words.
Trying to find something that wouldn't come out wrong again.
"You're warm."
"You're loud."
"You're always there."
"You don't hesitate."
His voice softened.
"You don't overthink things the way I do."
Ryo's expression changed.
Uncertainty mixing with something quieter.
"And I think..."
Sakuya continued slowly.
"I rely on you more than I ever realized."
That made Ryo completely still.
---
Sakuya swallowed.
His gaze dropped for a second before he forced himself to keep going.
He needed to say this.
"When you're not there..."
"Or when you pull away like you did earlier..."
"It feels..."
His jaw tightened.
"...Empty."
The word hung between them.
Ryo blinked, clearly caught off guard.
"Really?"
Sakuya nodded faintly.
"I didn't like it," Ryo admitted quietly.
"I didn't like seeing you look at me like that either."
His eyes dropped again.
His fingers curled into the fabric of Sakuya's shirt.
"I thought I messed up."
"Like if I kept bothering you..."
"You would hate me."
"And I couldn't have you hate me."
Sakuya shook his head immediately.
More urgently this time.
"No."
"That's on me."
"I should've told you before it got to that point."
His voice softened again.
"I don't want you to guess how I feel."
"I don't want you to pull away because you think you're annoying me."
Ryo stayed quiet.
Listening.
"I never want you to think that I could ever hate you."
"But..."
Sakuya hesitated.
His hand tightened slightly against Ryo's back.
"I also don't want you to stop."
Ryo looked up, confusion written plainly across his face.
"Stop what?"
Sakuya met his gaze.
"Choosing me."
Ryo's breath caught.
His expression softened into something almost painfully vulnerable.
"I don't just cling to you for no reason," Ryo said after a moment.
His voice had lost its usual playfulness.
"I do it because it's you."
---
Sakuya's heart stuttered.
Ryo hesitated, like he was debating whether to keep going.
Whether this should stay a secret.
But then he said it anyway.
"You make everything feel safe."
"Even when I'm tired."
"Even when everything's loud and messy."
"If I'm with you..."
"Everything is okay."
His fingers tightened slightly in Sakuya's shirt.
"So when you pushed me away like that..."
He swallowed.
"It kinda felt like I lost that for a second."
"As if I lost you."
Sakuya's expression softened completely.
Guilt and something warmer mixed together.
"You didn't lose it," he said quietly.
"And you could never lose me."
Ryo searched his face again.
Then he spoke.
"Then what am I to you?"
The question came out more honest than he probably intended.
Sakuya froze.
For a second...
The words wouldn't come.
There were too many.
*Friend* didn't feel like enough.
*Teammate* felt too distant.
*Comfort* was too simple a word for what he felt.
He exhaled slowly.
"You're important to me."
"More than I say out loud."
"If anything..."
"You're the most important thing to me."
Ryo held his gaze.
Waiting.
Sakuya hesitated one last time.
But this time...
He didn't back down.
"When I'm overwhelmed..."
"You're the first person I look for."
"When something good happens..."
"You're the first person I want to tell."
His voice dropped just slightly.
"And when you're not there..."
"It's the first thing I notice."
Ryo's expression softened.
Something unreadable flickered behind his eyes.
"That sounds like more than just comfort," he said quietly.
Sakuya let out a breathy laugh.
Almost nervous.
"...Yeah."
He finally admitted it out loud.
Silence settled between them again.
But this time...
It felt different.
Heavier.
Warmer.
Ryo shifted closer without thinking.
His forehead rested lightly against Sakuya's shoulder.
"I don't think I want to stop either," he murmured.
Sakuya's hand came up to cradle the back of Ryo's head.
His fingers threaded gently through his hair.
"Then don't," he said softly.
And this time...
When Ryo held onto him—
Sakuya held on just as tightly.