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They were in the middle of filming a sex scene on the set of heated rivalry.
Both, Hudson and Connor, were oiled up and mostly naked but for their boxer briefs.
They both wore nice robes, so they won't get cold and were chilling on the couch in the studio, Hudson scrolling on his phone while Connor smoked a cigarette.
They were comfortable, no one could deny that.
In the last few months of filming they became best friends, maybe a little more considering that they had on screen sex almost once a week.
But Hudson was worried about his co-star.
Connor was always a little more distant, but the last weeks...
"Hudson? Connor? Let's speak with the intimacy coordinator one last time before we start filming, ok?", a crew member told them and Hudson gave Connor a hand to stand up.
Connor flinched when he got pressure on his one leg and Hudson raised a brow.
"Everything ok?"
"Yeah, why?", Connor asked with a forced smile.
Hudson didn't know what to say to this so he dropped it.
They went to the intimacy coordinator to talk through the scene one last time and then eventually stripped down to put on their intimacy garments. It was always a little weird but they both didn't really mind anymore.
Jacob, the director, spoke with them a little more abt the camera angles and then they both went through their texts again. Normally they would always joke during this time or crack up at funny memes.
But today Connor didn't say a word.
Not one single laugh.
Now Hudson was rlly worried because Connor was normally the first one to laugh at everything, but not today.
Within minutes they lay spread out on the hotel bed with 2 cameras, 4 lights and a microphone with the whole crew and Jacob next to them and the director called "action".
Connor began to mumble down his lines. His voice was unfamiliarly shaky, but his lines were mostly correct.
But Hudson saw the tremble in his lower lip and almost wanted to break the scene to talk to Connor. He delivered his own lines perfectly and then they started to "make out". It was mostly just a lot of wet kissing and wavy body movements.
After that they lay down next to each other as Hudson pretended he was coming down from his "first blowjob".
He was laying on Connor's left side with the camera to Connor's right. He pretended to look at his opponent's dick but his eyes stopped at the blonde's waist.
What the- there were 4 straight lines running across his left hipbone, all looking rather fresh, one of them still covered in dried blood.
Fuck. Hudson just stared. That couldn't be.
That- these were- oh god. Holy shit. They looked like they were done some hours ago, maybe less.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Hudson must have stared a little too long because the director called "cut" and then went to Connor & Hudson to the bed and sat down.
"Hey boys what's going on? Hudson did you fall into a trance or something?", he asked more as a joke than a real question, but Hudson immediately apologized. When Jacob looked at Connor his face went blank.
"Hey- Connor? Connor breathe-", he said and now Hudson could see why. Connor was completely hyperventilating and grabbing the sheets beneath him.
He must have seen Hudson's eyes and was now panicking.
"Ok boys, let's take 15. Let's get you both some robes and Hudson, maybe take Connor with you to get some water."
The camera crew left and someone brought them nice robes. Hudson helped Connor up and they went to Hudson's trailer.
As soon as the door closed the blonde began to breathe heavily, likely an attempt to calm himself down, but it didn't really work.
"Hey, Connie, breathe-ok? Please-", Hudson said as he made his best friend sit down on the couch and sat down beside him to massage his back slowly. After some minutes Connor's breathing calmed down and Hudson knew he couldn't brush it off, so he needed to ask.
,,Connie I- I saw sth… and… I'm worried.” Connor looked away. He knew exactly. One single tear ran down his pink cheek and he turned away. Hudson immediately cupped his cheek and then hugged him tight.
,,Oh- oh baby… god it's… it's ok. It's all ok”, he whispered as Connor hid his face in the younger one's shoulder.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Connor started to calm down a little, as Hudson cupped his chin and wiped away some tears.
,,s- sorry”, the blonde whispered.
He looked so small, so scared of Hudson's rejection.
Hudson immediately hugged him again and whispered soft nothings into his best friend's ear.
,,No- don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. Let's…. let's just talk ok?”, he asked and finally, Connor nodded.
They probably needed to talk anyway.
Hudson stood up and picked a Mars bar from the table and went back to the couch.
,,Here. Eat. You need the sugar”, he said and Connor smiled thankfully.
,,Ok- I… I have some questions and I know you probably don't want to talk about it but…. please try. You don't need to answer if you don't want but… try, ok?”, the younger one explained and Connor nodded.
,,Ok” Hudson didn't really know how to start, so he just asked the first question that came to his mind.
,,Since when?”
"For some weeks now. I did it once when I was a teenager but stopped... well”
"Oh. ok and when was the last time? I mean- these look pretty fresh"
Connor turned away, he felt ashamed.
"A- a few hours ago. I had a breakdown and- I needed something to quiet my head a little... sorry"
Hudson felt bad, he could see Connor trying to form words but it didn’t work.
"Hey Connie- you don't need to say anything- ok?" He let his best friend a little time to eat another bite of the Mars bar and then carried on.
"Do you - I mean- did you ever... think about...suicide?"
Connor flinched but nodded truthfully after some seconds.
"Yeah - yeah sometimes", he whispered.
"Do... do you... think you maybe wanna... act on it?", Hudson asked. To be honest he was unbelievably scared to hear the answer.
"I- I shouldn't - I really shouldn't", Connor babbled but Hudson interrupted
"That's not what I asked, Connie. I asked do you wanna act on it?", he asked again.
Tears formed in his co-star's eyes as he nodded stiffly "Y- yeah... maybe"
"Oh baby", Hudson hugged Connor tight as the older one cried into his shoulder once more. “It's ok. It's all ok. I have one last question, yeah?", he asked and he could feel the blonde nod against his chest.
"Sweetie... have you told François?" Hudson knew about Connor's and François' relationship and was of course supportive. But he knew Connor a little too well and he had the light feeling that François didn't know anything about this.
"No- I- I'm scared to tell him.", Connor admitted.
"That's ok, Connie. Just.. I really don't wanna leave you alone today. You're staying at his house tonight, right?" a little nod of Connor.
"Ok- how about I tell Jacob that you got sick and we're getting you home. And we could call François and he would pick you up. Maybe... if you don't wanna talk I can do it for you. But... I really want him to know. Just to keep you safe. Would that be ok?", Hudson explained the whole plan his brain had completed seconds ago.
Connor seemed to think about it for a second before he nodded "o- ok"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah- please tell him", Connor begged as he took his phone out so Hudson could call François.
The phone rang twice and then Hudson could hear his co-star's worried voice "Mon Cheri?"
"Ehh hey - François"
"Hudson? What's going on? Is Connor ok?!", he asked immediately alarmed.
,,Don't worry. He's ok. Well… I… I kinda need you to pick him up.“
„What? I thought you were filming till 8 today-“, he asked confused.
Hudson saw Connor trying to practically disappear into the couch and Hudson immediately came closer again and rubbed his best friend's back in slow circles. ,,Hey.. shhhhh.. it's ok Connie… just breathe ok?”
He could hear François, now practically begging Hudson to tell him what's going on.
,,Hudson- pleaseee! Tell me what's going on!?"
"I- I can't explain- how fast can you be here?"
"20 minutes, why?"
"Ok listen. I- I need you to be here as fast as possible ok? Connor needs you."
,,I'll be there.. please- keep him safe Hudson.”, François hung up and not three seconds later there was a knock on Hudson's trailer. He opened and saw a very worried looking Jacob.
"Hey Hudson. Do you know where Connor is? We can't find him and... idk I'm kinda worried about him."
Hudson looked behind him to the couch where Connor still sat, his fists clenched tightly and his breathing still a little too fast.
He stepped out, closed the door softly and then looked at the floor. "I- I don't know how to explain but... could he please go home today?”
,,I mean sure.. but.. is there a reason?”, Jacob answered, still confused.
"he - he's not- he's just sick, you know and -", Hudson tried to explain without it sounding like the complete lie it is. He was obviously not doing a good job then because Jacob looked him deep in the eyes and said:
"Hudson. The truth. I can handle it."
Hudson's shoulders slumped. "Ok- but you need to promise not to tell anyone"
"I won't. Please tell me what's going on.", Jacob said and Hudson knew he was serious.
"While filming.... I saw - I saw some scars on his hipbone. And I asked him and found out it's... self harm."
Jacob sucked in a breath but stayed still. Hudson continued.
"He hasn't done it in a while but today he relapsed and... he said he thought about... suicide. And- that- that he might even act on it..."
"Oh god- Hudson that's- oh god", Jacob looked devastated.
"I know - I already called François to pick him up. He will take care of him then. I'll tell him too."
"Ok that's - that's good. Tell him I support him fully and that if he needs something I’ll always be here, ok? I want him to feel safe.”
"I will. Thanks Jacob.”
"Ok. I will talk to the crew to wrap up and we will get him support when he's ready. And Hudson...?"
"Yeah?", Hudson looked at him seriously. He looked older, worry written all over his face.
"Thank you. For... looking out."
Hudson just nodded. He wanted to say something else but in that moment a black van came and he could see François behind the wheel.
He sprinted out and got to Hudson, already looking unbelievably worried.
"Hey Hudson. Where is he?", the French man immediately asked and Hudson needed to smile. François was rlly caring over Connor.
"Inside-", before Hudson could continue François sprinted in but Hudson caught him before he opened the trailer door.
"Hold on. I need to talk to you first." He could practically see the worry deepening behind François' eyes.
Jacob said his goodbye to the two actors to talk alone and went back on set.
,,I.. I got Connor's ok to tell you abt this because.. he's been scared to tell you… but you need to promise not to freak out or break up with him ok?”, Hudson tried to make sure even though he knew François would never do that.
François shook his head and told Hudson how he would never ever break up with Connor bc he loved him.
Hudson felt safe to continue so he told François what happened.
,,I- we filmed a sex scene today and.. I saw some… scars and newer cuts on his hipbone… I talked to him and found out it's self harm…. he- he also said that-“, Hudson tried hard to keep his voice steady and his tears in but it became more difficult right now. How should he tell his best friend’s boyfriend this?
,,he- he told me- he thinks about…. k- killing himself-“, he admitted, voice almost a whisper.
François just looked at him devastated. How could that be? Holy shit- ,,w- what? …. he… he said that?”, François asked, his voice beginning to shake. Hudson just nodded.
,,fuck-“, François cursed ,,I- I saw some scars once but- I- I didn't ask him- I didn't wanna scare him off by too many questions- I- fuck”, he buried his face in his hands and tried to breathe deep.
,,hey it's ok. he didn't want you to know. just…. take care of him today, ok? don't leave him alone.”, Hudson reassured him and then hugged him for a second before François asked to see Connor.
,,of course. he's inside.”, Hudson opened the trailer door and they saw Connor.
He was curled up into a little ball on the couch and fell asleep. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks tear-streaked but his breathing had evened out thankfully. François immediately crouched down and cupped his chin softly.
,,hey mon cheri-“, he whispered and Connor blinked slowly.
He panicked for a second but then relaxed into his boyfriend's touch immediately and whispered sorry over and over.
,,it's ok- it's all ok. just breathe mon amour.”, François told him and after some minutes he picked Connor up bridal style and kissed him soft.
Connor smiled into the kiss and then François carried him to the car like this. He helped Connor into the seat and then thanked Hudson again.
Hudson went to Connor's side of the car and kissed his best friend's forehead once. ,,I love you Connie. take care of yourself, ok?”
The older one smiled softly. ,,I will try.”
Hudson looked over to François again, who fumbled with the car keys, his hands a little unsteady. ,,François.. if anything- ANYTHING happens you call me ok? please.”
,,I will Hudson. promise. thank you again… really.”, he said and then looked over to Connor.
,,mon cheri, tu as besoin de quelque chose ? N'importe quoi ?” (my darling, do you need something? anything?), he asked with a soft voice.
Hudson didn't understand a word but he could see how the blonde's shoulders relaxed just a fraction.
,,Non, je vais bien. Merci mon amour.” (no I'm ok. thank you my love.), he answered and François kissed his cheek.
,,take care of him.”, Hudson said again and François smiled at him with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
,,I will. I promise. Bye Hudson”
,,Bye Huddy. Love you”, Connor whispered and Hudson's heart clenched at how small his voice was.
But he knew Connor was in good hands now.