Chapter Text
[3:26 PM]
Ilya Rozanov added Shane Hollander to 'Cens 🏒'
Rozanov: i added hollander
Dykstra: AYY
Boodram: Welcome Hollzy!!!
Boyle: 🥳🥳
Young: HOCKEY JESUS IS HERE
Rozanov: no that is me
Holmberg: Lol no that's Shane mf Hollander!!!
Rozanov: you are off team do not come to practice
Barrett: If I talk shit about you do I get to skip practice too
Rozanov: you get to skip all practices forever because you are not on team
Hollander: Thank you all for welcoming me. I'm looking forward to playing with you this season.
Dykstra: Were yall sending uni entrance exams in the M*tros GC??
LaPointe: yea lol you don't have to be so formal
Rozanov: no he is like this all the time
Dillon: D, did you seriously just censor Metros with their former captain in the group chat
Dykstra: I think he knows how shitty they are 🤨 Pretty sure he knows MORE actually
Hollander: It's alright. For what it's worth, I agree.
Hayes: Can I change the group name back then 😗
Chouinard: HAZY
Haas: omg
Hayes: WHAT
Hayes: It's a genuine question 😢😢
Hollander: What was it before you changed it?
Dillon: ...
Boodram: 😂😂
Haas: montreal hate club
Hollander: Oh wow
Rozanov: you were included
Rozanov: we hate you to
LaPointe: too*
Rozanov: i speak two languages you speak one
Barrett: You speak one and a half
Young: LMFAOO
Chouinard: Bro 😂
Hollander: Was I actually?
Barrett: No. Boiziau was though
Rozanov: and puke
[Edited] Rozanov: and pike
Hollander: Really? Hayden?
Rozanov: obviously hayden
Boyle: He's lying Pike wasn't included 🤨
Barrett: Roz pretends he doesn't like Hayden Pike
Rozanov: is not pretend
Hollander: It is pretend.
Rozanov: you are off the team too hollander
Dykstra: He knows who we all are right
Rozanov: yes i gave him your numbers
Evan Dykstra liked Ilya Rozanov's message
[4:03 PM]
Barrett: Harris wants you number Hollander
Hollander: You can give it to him
Rozanov: he asked who is harris
Rozanov: am disgusted
Hollander: I knew who he was! I just didn't know that was his name
Holmberg: Harris is our goat
Barrett: Yeah
LaPointe: troy is a nepo baby on the instagram
LaPointe: harris playing favorites smh
Barrett: Sex gives you privileges
Barrett: I don't make the rules
Dillon: Is that like a recommendation for the rest of us oorrrr
Hayes: I mean I DO want extra Hazy's Heroes skits.... 🤔
Barrett: Ugh both of you fuck off
Young:
LaPointe: STOP USING ME AS A REACTION PICTURE
Young: Can't stop won't stop
Haas:
Rozanov: why are we using my nephew as a reaction
Barrett: Your nephew?? You mean MY son??
Boyle: How old was Chiron in that? He's so much bigger now 🥺
Haas: the picture is from december of last year
Boodram: I miss Chiron
Boodram: Troy as A I demand you make Harris bring Chiron to workouts when they start
Rozanov: as captain i also demand that
Rozanov: wait
Rozanov: shane has not met chiron.
Barrett: Harris is bringing him to the rink in thirty for a meet and greet
Barrett: Whoever is actually in Ottawa is welcome
Holmberg: HARRIS THE GOAT
Chouinard: Montreal Hate Club and Harris Fan Club
Boodram: Yesss
Boodram: Who isn't in Ottawa RN?
Dykstra: Cait and I aren't
Boyle: Yeah we're not either
Boyle: We're back in Blue Ridge for a week
Nick Chouinard disliked Jesse Boyle's message
Nick Chouinard disliked Evan Dykstra's message
[4:17 PM]
Young: Where you guys at
Holmberg: Shut up I'm already speeding
Dykstra: And texting and driving apparently
Hollander: Don't do that
Holmberg: Yes sir 😔
Chouinard: Hey can I bring my oldest
Chouinard: She's been obsessed with Chiron ever since Harris brought him to Bood's BBQ
Boodram: Yea
Boodram: We'll watch our mouths 😎
Chouinard: Nah she's fine
Dykstra: Wait, Lucia? How old is she now?
Chouinard: She turns ten in a few weeks
Dykstra: Holy shit tell her to stop growing
LaPointe: how old were you were she was born because 10 is insane
Choinard: Selena and I were both 18
Boodram: Did Lucia ever decide if she liked figure skating or hockey more
Chouinard: She did, and it was figure skating 😢 She likes it which is what matters but damn I wanna show respect to the PWHL
Hayes: My sister loves the PWHL
Holmberg: Yea they're fucking badass
Holmberg: And hoooooot
Dillon: That your type?
Holmberg: Women who look like they could beat the shit out of me?? Fuck yeah
Young: You're like 6'2 good luck
LaPointe: he's barely 6 foot dude you're just short
Young: Fuck you I'm taller than Barrett
Haas:
Barrett: None of you are going to see Chiron actually
Young: Bro I'm already here
Barrett: Dgaf
Boodram: Everyone behave I am going to see Chiron
Boodram: That means you better not hog him Roz
Rozanov: i would never
Boyle: Oh ok sure
Haas: ☠️
Rozanov: is not my fault chiron loves me most
Rozanov: i am just lucky person
Rozanov: i fuck second best player in the league and i have beautiful nephew and daughter and i am captain of future stanley cup winning team
Hayes: There was a compliment somewhere in there so thanks Rozy 😄
Hollander: Second best?
Rozanov: yes
Hollander: I do tell you to go fuck yourself pretty often I guess
Dillon: Damn
Dykstra: Aaand I love him
Haas: wow
Boodram: Young why did you get there so early
Young: I was in town already
Young: I was on a date 🔥🔥
Dillon: Hell yeah man
Holmberg: With the French girl?
Young: YUP
Chouinard: You're going to tell us about her later right?
Young: I'll talk about her NOW
Young: She makes me giggly
Young: Got me kicking my feet and shi
Hayes: Aww that's how I was with Lisa
LaPointe: dr lisa makes everyone giggly
LaPointe: i'm single if she's ever interested btw
Haas: happily married or just married
Young:
Boodram: You guys make me feel old
Hayes: You are old 😃
Boodram: You're barely two years younger than me you dick
Hayes: Younger is younger 🤓
Hayes: Speaking of, Young can you come let me in
Young: Yea igu hold on
[9:13 PM]
Dillon: TROY
Dillon: WHY DID HARRIS POST THE PICTURE OF ME GETTING ATTACKED BY CHIRON
Barrett: Because it was funny
LaPointe: you did not get attacked you pussy
Hollander: I had a lot of fun. Thank you for inviting me
Holmberg: Ok I'm actually convinced the M*tros used to beat you
Chouinard: I mean on the topic... Lucia had fun too
Shane Hollander loved Nick Chouinard's message
Barrett: Tbf I thought it was weird as fuck that WAGs were welcome at team parties when I first got traded
Hayes: Oh yeah Lisa came to NOTHING in Toronto
Hayes: I didn't even utter my sister's name
Boyle: Kent probably fetishized the fuck out of lesbians
Barrett: Probably. Who fucking knows
Holmberg: I hope he's rotting in hell
Luca Haas, Connor Young, and two others emphasized Tyler Holmberg's message
Boodram: Rapists aren't very liked in prison so he's probably missing some teeth by now at the very least
Young: CHOP IT OFF 🔥🔥🔥
Young: Can't keep ur dick to yourself you're not gonna keep it at all 😛
Hollander: Is it a bad time to say that some of my former teammates defended him?
Dykstra: Name names
Dykstra: Now
Hollander: Oh god
Hollander: Who are the fighters again?
Hayes: Troy Barrett!!!!, Dykstra, LaPointe, Chouinard, Dillon, occasionally Roz, and Holmberg
Hayes: Mostly Barrett and Dykstra because Evan is a brick wall and Barrett is a demon
Hollander: Jesus
Hollander: I'm definitely not saying who then
Chouinard: I'm waiting on the day that Haasy drops gloves
Chouinard: I know you've got it in you kid I just need it to happen before I retire
Haas: well i didn't have it on my to-do list
Rozanov: yes i agree i want to see the baby fight
Rozanov: like watching a toddler
Dykstra: Watching any of the youngins fight is hilarious
Dykstra: LaPointe kicks ass and Holmberg flails
Dykstra: Fun to watch tho
Holmberg: At least I'll actually fight unlike someone
Young: Can't mess up this pretty face man
Young: People pay money for this
Rozanov: and get discounts for botched surgery
Boyle: Lmao
Rozanov: boyle how are the twins
Rozanov: they are sick yes
Boyle: Going on day four now ☹️ No fever anymore though!!
Rozanov: good
Hollander: Do you or your wife need anything?
Boyle: We're good, but thanks Hollzy
Boyle: You're already my favorite
Rozanov: oh look at that
Rozanov: a fourth person who is off of team today
Hollander: 🙄