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Abby wishes, more than anything, that she could Just. Not. Feel.
She holds it together for the battle. Goes back to normal because she has to, because there isn’t time to think or panic or apologize for the lingering fear in both Patty and Holtzmann’s eyes, much as they would deny it. Focuses her own fear and anger and helplessness into the thought of getting their incompetent helpless secretary back, and hopefully beat Rowan to a bloody pulp in the process. Doesn’t think about who they’re fighting or what he’s already said and done.
And it works, for a time. Erin comes back and Abby feels whole, even as the terror continues coursing through her, surrounded by the three of them. Does her best to prove that she’s fully herself again, can do just as much in the fight as everyone else. Stays close to Erin’s side as the battle rages on because Erin doesn’t have to cover up unintentional nervous twitches when she gets too close.
She makes it up until Rowan is falling into the portal and reaches out for Patty. Something protective and fierce rears up in her even as she’s filled with ice cold fear, and she shove Patty as far away from the grasping hand as possible. Like hell that bastard is going to touch anyone else.
But there isn’t enough time to get them both out of the way and Abby is caught in his vice-like grip even as he’s falling, and she’s pulled into the portal too. Time stops making sense as it stretches out before her, and Abby can’t tell if years or moments are passing, still stuck in Rowan’s hold. Even as she’s falling, she still tries to fight her way out of his grasp, losing precious energy but she doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter, because she cannot, cannot think about the fact that she is stuck with him forever and if she could just reach her weapons—
Abby can feel him laughing at her as he squeezes tighter and she wants to vomit. “Predictable as always, Abby. You just have to play the hero, don’t you? Save the useless woman from the metro, even when it’s clear that you’re far more important than she is.”
“Shows what you know,” Abby bites back, refusing to allow Rowan a single piece of her friend to grasp on to and use against her, but also unable to resist defending her.
But Rowan just laughs. “Oh, I know far more than you think I do. It’s really amazing that you let yourself be stuck with such a pathetic band of misfits. You could be so much greater, do so much more, if you weren’t such a coward.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Abby grits out, refusing to stop struggling despite how tight her chest is getting.
He brings her closer to his leering face. “Oh Abby. I know everything about you,” he taunts. “Don’t you remember? I’ve been inside you.”
Abby’s nausea increases, and she’s trying to think of something, anything to retort, to show him that he hasn’t won, when his attention shifts upward. She can’t see from this angle, but even as she’s thinking that he turns her and it’s—
Erin.
Abby could kill her, even as dangerous hope fills her chest. She renews her struggling to get free as Rowan tightens his grip hard enough that Abby feels something break. He’s not laughing now, not as Erin brings her gun forward and aims true. Abby can feel him flex as he tries to hold on, but finally, finally his grip loosens. He pulls at Abby even as he lets go, and as Abby freefalls after him she fears Erin was too late after all; they’re still too far apart with time expanding endlessly between them. But Erin’s eyes darken, and she surges forward and finally, finally, Abby grabs hold. “Erin,” Abby breathes, staring at Erin in wonder.
“I wasn’t gonna leave you twice,” Erin tells her, as if it’s obvious. As if that was a perfectly acceptable reason to throw her whole existence away to follow Abby into the portal. But Abby is too relieved to find words to reply, so she just smiles softly at her, endlessly grateful to finally be free from Rowan’s crushing grasp. There is a sudden, sharp tug at Erin’s midsection, and before Abby even has a chance to wonder what fresh hell is happening now, they’re both being pulled back, speeding through the eternity that Abby had fallen through with Rowan only moments before. There’s a sharp pop and suddenly color and sound and light are all so much sharper and every inch of Abby hurts as there is hard, cold pavement under her again.
They’ve made it out. She is free. Abby could kiss the ground she’s slowly pushing herself up from she’s so thankful. She knows in the back of her mind that she will have to deal with a lot of things that just happened later—much later, hopefully—but for now all she can do is laugh at the white hair framing her oldest friend’s face and hug Holtzmann and Patty as close to her as possible.
~*~
They’re all so busy celebrating their incredible success that it takes some time before anyone notices that Abby is in a great deal of pain and trying hard not to move. Patty’s the one who sees her wince and immediately calls the paramedics over. Patty also insists on being the one to ride in the back of the ambulance with Abby when she sees her eyes widening in poorly concealed panic. She cajoles Holtzmann and Erin into a second ambulance. “I don’t care if you feel fine, Gilbert, you just rocketed out of the land of the undead and I want a second opinion on that, thank you very much. Actually, come to think of it, you and Holtzy should go together anyway and make sure the other one gets checked out.”
Patty is fixing the two women with a stern glare that brooks no argument as Abby’s gurney is lifted into the ambulance, and just before the doors shut Abby hears Erin ask Holtzmann, “Wait, what happened to you?” and winces.
Patty stays out of the paramedics’ way as the ambulance zips down slowly clearing streets with lights on but no sirens and squeezes Abby’s hand when she can. “You’re okay hun. You’re gonna be just fine.” Abby nods back, trying to look as confident as Patty sounds. A small frown creases Patty’s forehead and she leans down closer. “And hey, Abs? If you want a few moments to freak out, no one else needs to know, okay?”
Abby gives her a wry grin back but doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t bother trying to explain that she can’t lose it now, can’t actually think about any part of what just happened. Knows that if she does, she won’t be able to stop freaking out, and she just…doesn’t have the time or space for that right now. Patty seems to understand though, and she gives Abby’s hand another pat before sitting back to let the paramedic move around her to grab something. The rest of the ambulance ride is quiet, but in a comfortable way.
It turns out, unsurprisingly, that Abby has a few broken ribs, but she’s otherwise fine. When asked how she sustained her injuries, Abby can’t help retorting, “Oh, you know, a giant vindictive ghost tried to drag me into the spirit world and nearly squeezed me to death in the process.” The doctor looks intrigued, and starts to ask for more a more detailed description of the event, but Abby is growing more tired by the moment and doesn’t have the energy to even pretend to care. Patty steps in like the beautiful human shield she is and fields the rest of the care and treatment instructions. Abby tunes them out, instead focusing all of her energy on ignoring her pain—duller now, but still present—and on staying awake.
Patty helps Abby outside where Erin and Holtzmann are both waiting for them near a black car, courtesy of the mayor, waiting to escort them home. Patty glares at Erin as she helps Abby into the front seat, but before she can say anything Erin holds up a hand. “I solemnly swear that I talked to a doctor and was told, as suspected, that everything besides my natural hair color is in working order. Holtzmann can verify.”
“I threatened to staple her to one of the beds if she didn’t sit quietly,” Holtzmann confirms with a grin, her voice hoarse.
Patty shakes her head and holds the door open as the three of them climb into the back seat. “And what about your neck, Holtz?” She asks the question softly, her head deliberately turned away from Abby, who is too focused on breathing normally to notice.
Holtzmann just scoffs and waves her hand as if trying to swat the question away, so Erin answers instead. “I made the doctor look at that after he was done with my exam. He said there would be a pretty nasty bruise and that she shouldn’t do too much shouting in the next couple of days, but they didn’t find any permanent damage.” She frowns at Patty as Holtzmann blows a raspberry at them both before clambering into the backseat. “When did that happen, anyway? I don’t remember and Holtzmann won’t tell me.”
Patty shook her head. “Not right now. I’ll tell you later, promise.” Erin huffs but, perhaps reading something in Patty’s face, climbs in after Holtzmann without further complaint.
Abby wants to go back to the lab to make sure all of their equipment is safe but is overruled by the rest of her teammates. They direct their driver to Abby’s apartment instead, and Erin, Holtzmann and Patty all hover around her to help her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Abby is losing energy fast and is too tired to protest Erin shooing the other women into the living room before matter-of-factly helping Abby into soft pajamas and helping her into bed. Abby falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow, completely missing Erin’s fond smile.
~*~
Abby sleeps without dreaming and wakes to the smell of food. She blinks awake and lets out a sleepy “wha?” but before she can move Erin is at her side.
“Hey there. Here, let me help you sit up.”
Erin’s voice is soft and gentle, and the first full cognizant thought Abby has is ‘Wow, I must really look like shit.’ She lets Erin help her out of bed to the bathroom doorway and finds that her assumption isn’t too far off the mark. She takes a few moments to splash water on her face and considers heading right back to bed as she brushes her teeth. Her chest still hurts like hell and even though she knows that Erin will want to talk…she just can’t. Not yet. Not now. Maybe not ever.
Abby’s stomach lets out a growl loud enough that Erin could probably hear hovering on the other side of the door. Abby sighs, tries her best to square her shoulders, and opens the door. Erin is exactly where Abby left her and immediately swoops in to support her as they make their way towards the kitchen. Abby wants to tell her that she’s fine, but walking is harder than she was expecting it to be. She’s so focused on breathing normally that she doesn’t register the other people in the apartment until Holtzmann bolts off the couch. “Patty! Grandma’s up!”
Patty, standing in the kitchen, shakes her head and laughs. “I can see that, baby.” She smiles warmly at Abby before turning back to the counter. “Cookies are still going to be another twenty minutes or so, but there’s plenty of pizza in the meantime.” Patty smacks at Holtzmann’s reaching hand with her spoon. “I just said twenty minutes, leave me be!”
“Yes, but I find raw cookie dough much preferable to actual cookies. Plus, zero wait time!” Holtzmann retorts, completely unfazed.
Patty shakes her head. “Nobody’s getting salmonella on my watch, thank you. Now go help Abby.”
“I’m fine!” Abby insists, finally managing to lower herself into a chair. “How long was I asleep for, anyway?”
Erin takes the seat next to her as Holtzmann brings Abby a slice of pizza and a glass of water. “Not too long. Couple of hours. We weren’t sure how long you’d sleep for and we all figured it was best to just let you rest.”
Now that Abby is seated, she realizes that, while she is still in desperate need of a shower, her friends have all cleaned up and dressed in their usual mish-mash of comfortable clothes. Several extra bags are strewn around her living room, some of which looked suspiciously like sleeping bags. Before she can even comment, Holtzmann sees what’s caught her attention and grins. “Oh yeah, and we’re having a slumber party! Surprise!”
“What? No, you guys, really, I’m fine. That’s not necessary,” Abby stammers.
Holtzmann just shrugs before shoving a wad of melted cheese in her mouth. “Too late. We already voted while you were asleep. Majority rules.”
“Patty said the doctor advised bed rest for the next couple of days and you’re going to need help,’ Erin adds, overly-reasonable. “Plus I picked up your prescriptions from the pharmacy and they are intense, you should have someone around anyway in case anything happens.”
Abby looks at Patty, ready for her to argue their case as well, but Patty just grins back at her. “If you make me leave, you’re not going to get any cookies.”
Abby huffs, knowing she’s defeated and trying to still pretend that she minds. “Fine. But only for tonight. I don’t have a pull-out couch and it’s not fair for any of you to have to sleep on the floor when you all have perfectly acceptable beds of your own.”
Holtzmann punches the air with both arms. “Yes! Sleepover, sleepover!” she shouts, then immediately doubles over coughing. Erin rushes to get her a glass of water as Abby stares in horror, only now noticing the silk scarf tied around Holtzmann’s neck. Holtzmann never wears scarves. Abby’s world narrows in on the scarf, the other noises in the apartment fuzzing out of existence.
“Hey,” Holtzmann’s soft voice breaks through the noise barrier, but Abby still can’t take her eyes off the scarf. Holtzmann shouldn’t be here. None of them should be here, it wasn’t safe, she wasn’t safe. She could hurt them. She could—
“Abby, hey. Earth to Abby.” Holtzmann ducks her head down, removing the scarf from Abby’s view and forcing eye contact. Abby blinks, then shudders, and the world comes back into focus. She stares at Holtzmann, horrified, who gives her a shaky grin in response. “There you are. Welcome back.”
“Your—” but Abby can’t say it, and starts to freeze again.
Holtzmann leans forward, never breaking eye contact. “Hey, stay with me Abs. I’m okay, Abby, it’s okay. Look, I’m fine. See?” She holds up the half-full glass of water Erin had grabbed for her moments before to demonstrate. “Just need to drink slowly and not shout so much, that’s all. We’re all good.”
Abby feels some emotion, too intense to name, lodge in her throat. They’re not all good. None of them are. None of this okay and they need to leave, now, need to go home, get away from her. But before she can open her mouth again, Patty’s voice rings out from the kitchen. “So what movie are we gonna watch? Erin, how ‘bout you pick?”
Erin looks from Patty to Abby uncertainly, waiting to see what’s going to happen. Abby realizes then that they’re all still waiting on her, despite how commanding Patty had sounded. They’re still all looking to her for what to do.
The lump in Abby’s throat changes, and she’s struggles to form a response. It’s too much, too soon, I can’t deal with this, I can’t, I’m so tired, she thinks, before remembering that they’re all probably just as tired as she is. More so, since she seems to be the only one to have gotten any sleep since the battle. They’d all gone home, but they’d all come back here, despite…despite what might have happened in the past twenty-four hours. And honestly, what good would sending them home do at this point? They had already made their choice to be here and she…she really didn’t want to be alone right now. She doubted that Patty, Holtz, or Erin wanted to either.
Abby finally sighs and attempts to smile at Erin. “My dvds are in the side cabinet. I just vote no horror.”
Abby only notices the tension that’s filled the room when it leaves. Erin leaps up to find the dvds as instructed as Holtzmann scrambles after her, searching for the remotes. Abby looks up to find Patty’s watching her. Patty gives her a small smile as their eyes meet and voices a soft, “Thanks, baby,” before turning back to the counter to start placing bits of dough on cookie sheets.
She hears Erin and Holtzmann bickering until they finally decide to watch Up. Erin helps Abby with her medication and her slow walk from the dining room table over to the recliner while Holtzmann fiddles compulsively with the speakers and the electronics. Patty carries in a tray brimming with warm cookies just as the previews finish rolling. As the movie starts, Patty settles on the couch next to Erin as Holtzmann sprawls out on the floor. Abby only half listens as Erin and Holtzmann debate over how feasible it would actually be to transport a house with helium balloons, cut off every so often by Patty telling them to both be quiet and let her just enjoy the damn movie.
Abby knows that it won’t last. Eventually they are going to have to talk about everything that’s happened, about where they go from here. But for tonight, she lets herself be lulled by the reassuring voices of her friends. They won. She’s still alive, they’re all still alive, and they’re together. That’s all that needs to matter; the rest will come as it will.