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Funny really, Osgood thought as she stared at the dark swirl of tea leaves at the bottom of her mug, the way the mind replays the worst moments in such merciless detail—you spend your entire career writing the risk matrices, colour coding the threat levels, chairing the endless subcommittee meetings where everyone nods solemnly at phrases like "acceptable residual hazard" and "contingency tier three". You insist on the Faraday shielding upgrades, the remote telemetry feeds, the mandatory two person rule for live handling. And yet there you were, Petronella, sprawled in the damp grass of the old Black Archive test range, heart hammering so hard you could taste the copper tang of blood from where you'd bitten the inside of your cheek, because that conversion unit's harmonic bleed had thrown up a waveform so anomalous, so elegant, that you simply had to stay for one more thirty second capture.
She could still feel the way the air had punched out of her lungs when the first energy discharge scorched the concrete inches from her face. The crate she'd ducked behind had vibrated with the impact; her glasses had slid down her nose, fogging instantly from panicked breath. Four Cybermen, five, by the end, advancing in that dreadful lockstep, silver catching the floodlights like knives. She'd seen the aftermath of conversion before, grainy footage mostly, but today it had been live and close: Jenkins, poor quiet Jenkins from materials analysis, caught mid sprint. She'd watched the pod's filaments punch through his tactical vest, watched the scream die in his throat and turn to static. His eyes had emptied in less than four seconds. She'd counted. Because science observes. Even when it's murder.
You colossal, arrogant fool, she'd thought then, the words looping now like a stuck tape. Kate's going to look at you the way she looks at people who've crossed a line they can't uncross, and this time it's going to be personal.
The memory shifted: Kate bursting from the tree line like vengeance given heels and a sidearm. Hair loose, blazer flapping, voice cutting through the gunfire like a blade.
"Petronella! Down!".
She hadn't needed telling twice that time. Flat to the mud, arms over her head, listening to her commander bark the orders... "Suppressors, left flank! EMP on my mark!"...and the disciplined crack of UNIT weapons answering. Then the wet thump of metal hitting ground, the high whine of failing servos. Kate's boots splashing closer, her hand closing around Osgood's upper arm, hauling her up with more strength than gentleness.
"What the hell were you thinking?". Low and furious, right there in front of the squad as smoke drifted. Faces turning. Eyes on her. Osgood had felt about three inches tall.
"I... the resonance pattern...it was...". Her voice had cracked. "Ma'am, it was unprecedented. I thought if I could just...".
"Unprecedented". Kate had repeated, the word dripping acid. "You bypassed every protocol we have. You watched a man get converted ten metres from you, and your first instinct was to stay for the data?". Her eyes—God, those eyes—had been bright with something far worse than anger. "You're going home. Sergeant Patel will drive you. We'll talk when I've finished here".
She hadn't argued. Couldn't. The public dressing down had stung worse than any Cyber beam, and she'd let herself be steered to the SUV like a scolded sixth-former, cheeks burning as the door shut on the murmurs behind her.
Now the house was quiet except for the faint tick of the grandfather clock in the hall and the low hum of the fridge. Kate's big, old, echoey house—too big for one person, really, but tonight it felt exactly the right size to hold the ache in Osgood's chest. She was still in her mud-streaked lab coat, scarf tangled around her neck, inhaler clutched in one hand like a talisman. The tea had gone cold twenty minutes ago. She hadn't moved to make a fresh one. Hadn't moved at all, really, just sat replaying it all, waiting for the sound of the front door.
When it finally came, key in the lock, quiet footsteps down the corridor, Osgood's shoulders tensed. She didn't look up until Kate was right there.
For a second neither of them spoke.
Then Kate’s jaw locked so hard Osgood could see the muscle jump.
“You’re still in that coat”. She steps forward. “You haven’t showered. You haven’t changed. You haven’t even taken off your bloody boots. After everything that happened, after I explicitly ordered you home to get safe, you’re sitting here like you’re waiting for the next shift to start”.
Osgood opened her mouth. Closed it. “I—”.
“No”. Kate held up one hand, palm out. “Don’t. Don’t you dare try to explain the waveform again. I’ve spent the last three hours writing the preliminary report, signing off on Jenkins’s next of kin notification, and convincing the PM’s office that we didn’t just lose another man because my chief scientific advisor decided protocol was optional today. So if the next words out of your mouth include the phrase ‘subharmonic signature,’ I swear to God, Petronella, I will lose what little composure I have left”.
Osgood flinched. The full name again. It landed heavier here, in their kitchen, than it had on the field.
Kate took another step closer. Her hands were fists at her sides now, knuckles white. “Do you have any idea what it was like? Watching the live feed… seeing you flat on your stomach, not moving, not running, just lying there while that thing converted Jenkins right in front of you? I thought you were already gone. I thought I was going to walk out there and find your body half metal. And I still had to keep giving orders. I still had to sound calm. Because if I’d let myself feel it right then, the whole operation would have fallen apart”.
Her voice had started rising, cracking at the edges. “You stayed. You stayed. After you saw what it did to him. You stayed for thirty seconds of data. Thirty seconds that could have cost me—”. She broke off, breath hitching. “Cost me everything”.
Osgood’s eyes burned. “Kate, I…”.
“Don’t”. The blondes voice snapped like a whip. “Don’t apologise yet. I’m not finished being furious. I’m not finished being terrified. Because the second I saw you move—saw you lift your head, saw you were still breathing—I went from terrified to incandescent. I wanted to drag you off that field by the scruff and shake you until you understood how close it was. How close we were to ending today with me identifying your dental records”.
She took the last step, hands coming up to grip the edge of the island on either side of Osgood, caging her in. Her breathing was ragged, eyes glassy.
The anger held for one more heartbeat.
Then it shattered.
Kate’s shoulders dropped. A sob ripped out of her, nothing like the power house who ran UNIT. Tears spilled, carving tracks through the grime and makeup on her face. She reached out, hands shaking violently now, and cupped the younger woman’s face as though she might break.
“You stupid—”. The word dissolved into another broken sound. “You brilliant, reckless, impossible, stupid girl. I thought I’d lost you. I thought I was going to lose you right there in the mud, and I wouldn’t even have time to tell you…”.
Osgood surged forward, arms wrapping tight around Kate’s waist, pulling her in until their bodies collided. Kate’s knees buckled; she sank against Osgood, forehead dropping to her shoulder, tears soaking through the ruined lab coat.
“I’m here”. She whispered, voice cracking. “I’m right here. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry”.
Kate made a choked noise against her neck. “Don’t you dare die on me, Petronella. Don’t you dare leave me writing one of those letters. I can’t…I won’t…”.
“I won’t”. Her fingers dug into Kate’s back, anchoring. “I promise. I promise”.
Kate’s arms came around her then, crushing and desperate. “I can lose soldiers”. She whispered, her voice wrecked. “I can lose colleagues. I’ve done it too many times. But you? I cannot lose you. It would finish me. Do you understand? It would finish me”.
Osgood nodded against her hair, throat too tight to speak.
They stayed locked together until Kate’s sobs eased into uneven breaths. Slowly, she pulled back just enough to look at her—eyes red, mascara ruined, but steady again.
“Promise me”. she said, fierce through the tears. “Next time that pull hits…the one that says just thirty more seconds…you stop. You call me. You wait. You do anything except stay there alone. Because I will come for you. Every single time. But I need you to give me the chance to reach you before it’s too late”.
Osgood swallowed hard. “I promise”.
Kate searched her face for a long moment, then leaned in and kissed her slow and trembling.
“My good girl”. She murmured against Osgood’s lips. “My impossible, wonderful girl”.
She didn’t let go. Instead she tugged Osgood gently off the stool, guiding her toward the living room. Blanket. Sofa. Lights low. Kate sank down first and pulled the brunette with her until they were tangled together under the throw, Osgood’s head tucked under Kate’s chin, Kate’s arms locked around her like she might vanish.
“No work tonight”. She murmured against her hair. “No waveforms. No reports. Just us. And if you even think about reaching for your tablet, I will tie your hands with your own scarf and enjoy every second of it”.
Osgood huffed a small, watery laugh. “Noted”.
“And later… when I’ve stopped shaking… you can tell me exactly what that subharmonic looked like. In excruciating detail. While I hold you so tight you couldn’t run if you tried”.
“Deal”. Osgood whispered.
Funny really, she thought, listening to the steady thump of Kate’s heart under her ear. The scariest thing in the universe isn’t a Cyberman, or a conversion unit, or even the void between stars. It’s the people you can’t bear to lose. And the people who can’t bear to lose you.