Work Text:
[Activation Code: “Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel.” System automatically triggered.]
[Welcome to the System! This System operates in line with— ERROR]
[ERROR]
[ERROR]
What in the world is going on?! Why is there some sort of Google Translate voice talking nonsense inside his brain?
[Could not find intended Host-Body.]
[User will be relocated to the next available Body.]
What do you mean BODY? Is this a dream? Is this TRANSMIGRATION? Where is he?!
[Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Important things must be said three times! Free-Mode has been enabled due to a System Error. System wishes User a great experience! System will be shutting down in 3, 2, 1…]
Shen Yuan opened his eyes. Or at least he tried to. He didn’t exactly.. have eyes to open? At least it didn’t feel like it. He was aware of his surroundings, and could sort of ‘see’ them, but his body felt all wrong.
“System? Hello??”, he tried to say out loud. No one replied.
“Is this a scam? You transmigrate me somewhere with not a single clue as to where or who I am?!”
Surely he’s some kind of main character, that’s usually what happens in transmigration stories!
He tried to turn down and look at himself, but aside from hearing some rustling nothing happened. Instead he decided to take a look at the world around him. His surroundings were very different to his apartment, where he had just.. choked to death on a stale bun. Not his greatest moment, and definitely not something he would recommend. 0/10 points for ways to go!!
Right in front of him he could see that he was on top of a mountainous landscape, with a path leading up through rugged slopes. A little further down the mountain were a few houses, and a little further still was a small town. It all looked distinctly.. ancient, at least for this old big city Millenial.
Next and behind him he could see small trees with bigger leaves than he has ever seen in his whole 20-something years.
Why was he looking down on the trees?? Where is he, that he can almost see the top of the trees? He has never climbed a tree before in his entire (previous) life, so how come he seemingly got transported on top of a tree, unable to move?
The sky was blue, not a cloud in sight. It felt kind of nice, to be honest. Maybe it’s fine to just.. exist here for a while? It felt like he was taking in the sun’s energy, and the general area he was in also felt pleasant. Yes. This is fine! He may have just died, but this seems pretty relaxing after what he just went through at home. Hopefully it’s not permanent though. He might get bored.
Shen Yuan slowly came to after what feels like meditating in the sunlight. There was nothing else to do, ok?!
More importantly, the thing that roused him was soft sobbing coming from very close by. It was getting louder by the minute, disturbing Shen Yuan’s peace.
When he looked down he saw a disheveled woman with long, loose hair, wearing a green robe. She was leaning against a tree trunk, aggressively clutching her shoulders, her sobs getting steadily louder. It felt like she was leaning against Shen Yuan, which was a very strange experience, as he could clearly see her leaning on a tree, not.. him…
Is he a TREE? What in the hells, System?! He had ignored the Systems earlier because the surroundings felt so nice and peaceful. It sort of felt like he was absorbing the energies around him, but now he can finally tell why he cannot move. He’s a damn tree!! What did he do in his past life to deserve this? Trees can’t even move, was he doomed to just exist here for the rest of his new life?! Trees live for a long time! Unless someone fells him? Would that kill him??
Existential Crisis aside, he noticed a red string going around his(his!) trunk, along with some needles sticking out of it. How had he not realised it sooner? Now that he’s seen them he can’t ignore them. Just like he can’t ignore the now loudly wailing woman. Where did she even come from? He didn’t notice anyone coming up the path, but he might’ve just not realised. Why would someone come all the way up a mountain to cry under a tree, though?
The crying. Won’t. STOP!
She’s been at it the whole night! Shen Yuan can see the sun slowly coming up and all he could do was listen to the woman cry. Is this his new life?
The moment the sun rose up enough to hit the trees, the wailing stopped. Shen Yuan watched as the woman simply.. disappeared inside of him. Like a ghost. A ghost? He was sure he heard something like this before, surely in one of the many web novels he has read in his previous life.
Actually, thinking about it, it does seem like something he might’ve read somewhat recently.. in Proud Immortal Demon Way! Surely he didn’t get transmigrated into PIDW as a TREE? Great Master Airplane-bro, what is this, ah?! If he could, Shen Yuan would write the most scathing review yet!
If he remembers correctly this was actually part of a rare failed wife plot in PIDW. A female spirit appeared in a banana tree (is that what he is?!), only to wail every night, sometimes with a baby, sometimes by herself. She was found by Luo Binghe when he was freshly out of the Abyss and on night hunts for Huan Hua Palace. They got called after the whole household of a known gambler of a nearby city had been ripped apart at night in their home.
It turns out the gambler had tied a string around the tallest banana tree in the area and stuck sharp needles into its trunk to summon a Ba Jiao Gui1, hoping she would grant him the next winning numbers in exchange for being set free. Only he never set her free, using her to win more and more bets and get rich!
It worked for a couple decades(much longer than it was supposed to, but the hack author wasn’t known for his accuracy in his writing), until he and his family were found dead after the neighbors heard loud wailing coming from his estate, making the townspeople call on the Cultivators.
Of course, being the protagonist, Luo Binghe quickly found the female spirit stuck in the banana tree. He could’ve just untied her from the tree, but of course in classic PIDW fashion, they papapa-ed against the tree and set her free like that, ready to take some no-name ghost into his slowly building Harem!
Only it didn’t work out as intended. The tree the spirit was stuck in turned out to be a powerful tree demon2 who had been suffering from the spirit’s wailing for decades. Once they were both set free the tree shapeshifted into the shape of a man and dispersed the spirit.
Luo Binghe, mad about losing his newest to-be-wife, killed the ancient tree and reported back to Huan Hua with a mission success.
Is this his fate? When in the timeline did he transmigrate to? Is he doomed to listen to this spirit’s wailing for the next few decades, only to die by his favorite character's hands? Or is his death closer than he thinks?
With the knowledge that he’s probably an ancient tree demon, the fact that he felt like he was absorbing the energies around him made some sense. Is this his demonic energy he’s feeling? Surely he can learn how to use it and try to get someone’s attention, hopefully before the gambler gets killed, since that would give him time before he’s scheduled to die! Now he just needed to figure out how to use his powers..
Shen Yuan doesn’t know how long it’s been, but he was going crazy from this wailing! It has to have at least been four months, which is four months too many!! Just yesterday, the spirit was wailing with a BABY in her arms, which was to no one’s surprise ALSO wailing! Whose baby was that? Surely someone would’ve noticed their child going missing, so it must’ve been an illusion? And why had no one come to check on the trees in all this time? He had been practicing his own illusion powers by summoning mist or little animals, but there was no one around to see. This meant he had to somehow get people’s attention, preferably at night, to make them come to him.
When the Ghost came out to wail yet again, Shen Yuan closed his “eyes”, taking in more qi from around him, before slowly forming his illusion. It started with a small spark of light, which quickly expanded to a bigger flame. The plan was to make it look like the forest caught on fire, to make it light up in the dark. He also tried to make some smoke rise up into the air for extra dramatics. It looked pretty convincing if you ignore the lack of heat and sound! He hadn’t quite figured out how to make the illusions more real, but this must be enough!
As expected, he could hear a commotion from further down the mountain. Multiple people were rushing up the mountain, carrying as much water as they could! Poor villagers had to waste their water on an illusion, but it was his life (and sanity) on the line here, so sacrifices must be made!
A few men ran up to his mountain, before stopping short and almost dropping their water right then and there.
“G-G-GHOST!!”, one of them shouted, pointing towards the transmigrators tree. The banana ghost was once again wailing with a baby in her arms, making the scene even more dramatic.
“Oh my god, is that Na-er’s baby?! Did the evil spirit take her from us??”
“I-ignore the fire, we need to call the cultivators! Hurry!!”, a third man shouted, dropping his water after all and pushing everyone in motion, afraid to be attacked by an evil spirit.
Perfect! Just what Shen Yuan wanted. Now he just had to hope the cultivators won’t have the name “Luo Binghe” and he could somehow convince them that he’s not a malevolent tree demon, if they realise he is one at all.
Liu Nanyou3 was not thrilled to go on this mission. Not only was there not a great monster to fell, no, he just had to travel with that snake Shen Jiu. His Shizun and Shibo were still trying to get them to get along as the respective head disciples of Bai Zhan and Qing Jing Peak. Not only had Shen Jiu already tried to kill him on a previous mission, he also constantly looked down on Liu Nanyou, calling him a brainless brute among other insults he did not fully understand.
They were currently landing in the small town at the base of a mountain near the border to the Huan Hua Palace Sect. Receiving them was a middle aged man who looked oddly wealthy for the area, along with what seemed to be his daughter.
“Welcome, immortal masters! Thank you for coming to aid our humble town..”, the man says, rubbing his hands together nervously, “I am Zhang Wei, and this is my daughter Na-er.”
Liu Nanyou just stared at him, making Zhang Wei nervous, while Shen Jiu nodded at Na-er. “We would prefer to fix this issue as quickly as possible”, Shen Jiu said, snapping open his fan and covering his mouth with it, “I would appreciate you telling us everything you know.”
Zhang Wei leads the two cultivators towards his house, telling his daughter to prepare tea. Shen Jiu covertly eyed the high quality curtains, seating cushions and the incoming tea set with a critical eye, “you seem to be doing very well for yourself in this small town.”
The older man smiled crookedly, wiping sweat off his forehead with a finely embroidered handkerchief, “Ah yes, you see, our town trades in fiber, which we get from the banana trees up the mountain! This is actually why this one called for the immortal masters. You see, we were hoping for a good harvest again this year, since the season is coming up, but recently we’ve had to fight with what we have found to be illusionary fires breaking out in our farm, as well as a female ghost wailing at the trees. This malevolent being spirited away my grandchild as well!”.
Na-er, who sat down next to her father after pouring tea for everyone, started softly crying for her lost child.
After getting all the information they could get, the two went back to a private room offered to them by Zhang Wei.
“This one doesn't expect Liu-Shidi to put all the pieces together, but this seems like a case of Ba Jiao Gui. We simply have to find the tree in question and remove the nails and red string around the trunk. Nothing for a brute like you to fight.”, Shen Jiu said haughtily, “we may as well wait until nightfall before doing so, to make sure the ghost disappears.”
Liu Nanyou sneered at his martial brother, “Shen-Shixiong may stay here and act like the noble master of this house. This one will go patrol and scout out the tree in question.”
With that, Liu Nanyou got up and left, not waiting for a reply. Once outside, he hopped up on Cheng Luan, flying up to where he could see the banana trees.
Shen Yuan has been waiting for weeks, but at last, he saw some cultivators fly to the town on their swords. Real cultivators!! He did realise he could use qi, but it was still novel to see actual cultivators with his own eyes!
It took a few hours, but he saw one of them fly towards the top of the mountain, where Shen Yuan and his fellow banana trees were. The cultivator had his hair in a ponytail, but that's all Shen Yuan could see from where he was.
He was feeling a little restless.. surely it would be fine to prank the cultivator a little bit? He can’t make it too easy to find him, right? It’s been months of boredom, who knows when he next gets the chance to interact with someone interesting!
This in mind, Shen Yuan did his best to hide his presence from the cultivator who was just landing a few meters away.
Liu Nanyou landed on the mountain, looking at the banana tree farm. He frowned. If there was an evil spirit around, shouldn’t he feel its presence? With a hand on Cheng Luan, he started walking around the trees, looking for one with red thread.
Suddenly he sidestepped, sensing something appear in front of him. When looking down, he saw a yellow, elongated banana peel with no fruit in sight. Glaring up at the trees, he saw a very different type of banana. On the trees were the classic fiber bananas4 expected from this region, almost looking like a flower bud. Was someone playing a prank on him? Did Shen Jiu follow him to make him embarrass himself? Set traps to kill Liu Nanyou?
Frowning more severely, he kept walking, looking at each of the trees. A few minutes pass when he realises it’s starting to get foggy. Along with that came a low sense of demonic qi, spread around with the fog, making everything seem eerie despite still being light out.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw something move and immediately stabbed at it with his sword. There was nothing there, but he sensed something else behind him. He rushed to turn around again, but before he could stab at the new shadow he saw, he had to hop over another banana peel popping up in front of him.
“Show yourself, demon! I won’t fall for this silly prank!”, he shouts, swinging his sword around and promptly slipping on a third banana peel which showed up just where he was stepping. His eyes widen as he falls into the moist soil of the banana trees, his behind immediately getting soaked in muddy soil.
“You- ! How dare-”, he scrambled to get up, only to be hit on the head with an actual banana from the tree above him. Looking up, he realised the tree had a red thread around it. Before he could think about how Shen Jiu said to wait until night to confirm the information, he slashed at the thread, severing it.
With a loud wail he saw the green clothed spirit of a woman getting ripped away from the tree, disappearing into thin air.
Before he could actually get up and confirm the spirit is actually gone, the tree it was trapped in shuddered, a massive amount of demonic qi getting released. A light glow emanated from the tree, before it disappeared completely and he got crushed by a body.
Shen Yuan felt a little silly, playing these childish pranks on this cultivator. He was just getting really close to his tree and he wanted to successfully prank this unfairly beautiful man before finding him. What he didn’t expect was for the swordsman to slash at him upon seeing him! That scared him shitless, what if this spiritual sword somehow killed him?!
He actually thought he could wave his second life goodbye. After the man slashed at him with his sword Shen Yuan’s body started tingling with a sudden feeling of lightness and falling.
“Oof!”, came from his mouth, along with the noise of someone wheezing and getting crushed into the muddy ground.
“What..?”, Shen Yuan looked up and saw real hands for the first time in over four months. They were slight, pale and spotless. Like they’ve never seen a day of sun in their life.
He jumped when he felt hands at his ankles, only to look down and see that he was straddling the pretty cultivator he was just pranking. He had a beauty mark under his eye.
Pretty, Shen Yuan thought.
“Get OFF me, demon!!”, the man snarled, scrunching up his face in anger. He turned them around, switching their positions and holding up his sword to Shen Yuan's neck.
Only now that he’s getting covered in mud does he realise his state of.. undress.
“Don’t kill me!!”, he gasped, trying to cover himself up without getting cut up by the sword at his neck. “I’m human!! I just woke up as a tree and have been stuck like this for MONTHS, I don’t mean any harm!!”
“Lies! You were just tricking me, trying to get me to lower my guard! This Liu Nanyou is not falling for your foul tricks!”, the cultivator shouted, moving to press Shen Yuan’s wrists above his head with one hand while still threatening him with Cheng Luan with the other.
The sound of footsteps distracted Shen Yuan from thinking about how the man’s name had sounded very familiar, making him look to the side in fear. The second cultivator appeared, just as beautiful as the first one!
“Liu-Shidi, this one did not realise you enjoy rolling around the mud with filthy demons. Should this one give you privacy?”, he said, one raised eyebrow visible behind his fan. His hand was at his sword, not stupid enough to have his guard down despite the questionable situation he found upon arriving.
Only now does Liu Nanyou realise the state of undress the demon was in.
Using this slight distraction to his benefit, Shen Yuan managed to summon a banana tree leaf.. any cover is better than none!
He scrambled backwards, back hitting one of the other trees on the farm. He winced at the feeling of muddy soil underneath him. Useless Airplane-bro, useless System! Why would he be put in this situation? How is he supposed to get away from this situation with his life?!
Not knowing what to do, he instinctively summoned big banana leaves to trap the cultivators and jumped off the nearest side of the mountain, transforming into smaller lightweight leaves to get carried away by the wind. Hearing the cultivators running after him, he summoned a few more banana peels behind him. It almost feels like he's playing Mario Kart in real life, heh!
As he leaves the two behind on the extra slippery ground, he thinks of how to spend the rest of his demonic life when he manages to get away from them. He will have to keep low for a while and try not to run into any cultivators, preferably forever…
