Chapter Text
I had a mission. It went horribly wrong. Two of my companions were killed, one was mortally wounded and I, I couldn’t do anything about it. It was a two day mission, but it took us over a week since we were captured. The enemies didn’t spare any of us. They tortured us for information, they beat us until most of us broke. It took the DSO a week to rescue the remaining agents including me.
Fast forward to today, I’m on my way home to Leon. My mind wanders off to the day we first met. It was my first day at work and as always Leon was busy with paperwork on his desk. He didn’t even notice when I approached. Once we had a mission together and I saved his ass.
But this time I couldn’t save anyone. My comrades screams haunt me, my own cries for help haunt me.
I’m alone at the doorstep of our apartment as I hesitate to put the keys in. Five minutes go by, maybe even ten, but I still remain on the doorstep. I can’t even knock or ring the bell. Its like I’m frozen. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. Maybe the thought of Leon seeing me like this is so daunting that it makes me want to hide from him. I can hear him stepping towards the door from inside the apartment. He must’ve been alerted by my pacing. My first instinct is to run of hide, but I don’t do any of it.
I wait for him to open the door and he does. Quickly the door creaks open and he points a gun at me. I don’t even realise until he calls out my name and lowers the gun. Finally, I get to see his familiar face again.
"Hey, when did you come back from the mission? I’ve been worried sick." He huffs.
Once again I’m frozen. I can’t hear what his next words were. My vision darkens and I fall unconscious into his arms.
***
When I finally wake up and look around, I realise I’m in my bed and Leon sleeping on the floor leaning against the bed frame. I still feel exhausted even though I finally got some sleep. Soon Leon wakes too. As soon as he realises I’m awake his eyes widen.
"Are you alright? Did you sleep well? Do you want to eat something?" He bombardes me with questions.
The thought of eating made my stomach churn. "Yes, a little and no." I answer calmly, not to cause more concern than I already did with passing out in his arms. My head hurts. My whole body hurts.
"You’ve lost weight. I suppose you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday." I haven’t eaten anything since we were captured, but I didn’t say anything.
"I’m worried about you. Please say something." His eyebrows knitted together, his jaw clenched. I fall frozen again. I can’t even blink. My eyes focus on the blanket covering me. I am no longer in my room, I’m back in that hellhole chained to the wall.
Leon claps his hands in front of my eyes and I snap out of it.
"I’m fine." I whisper, my voice raspy as if I haven’t talked in ages. I haven’t. My eyes meet his and I see the pain he’s in. The worry and the horror.
"I don’t believe you. Tell me what happened on the mission. It was supposed to be two days long, you were gone for a week if not more. Tell me."
I want to tell him, but I know if I do I’ll have to relive everything that happened and I am not ready to do that. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that. And I realise I’ve been silent for too long so I answer.
"I can’t." Simple enough.
"If it’s too difficult right now I understand but you’ll have to tell me some day. You can’t keep that burden weighing you down forever." He sees the pain in my eyes too. I know it. "Let’s get you something to eat. I know you’re starving."
Starving, I think, I’ve lost the ability to feel hunger and I’m not hungry. If I eat something now I’ll just throw it up. I’ll never eat again, I think.
"I’ll be right back." He says before leaving the room.