Chapter Text
Where are you?
You said you'll be here by 7
It's 7:45 already
I am waiting Jungkook
Taehyung keeps looking at the text hoping the answer won't be what he dreads. Because if it happens again, he doesn't know what he’ll do. He hopes Jungkook won't do that to him again.
Hours passed, the candles melted off, the food turned cold. And with each passing hour the darkness grew not only in the house but also in Taehyung's heart The outfit which he wore with so much anticipation started to feel like it's suffocating him. He loosened his tie and shrugged off his coat, so he could breathe. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath which came out shaky to keep the tears from falling but it's of no use.
He was such a fool to think that maybe this time he would be Jungkook's first priority. After all, it's their day.
**6 years ago**
“I love you,Taehyung. I am sorry it took me so much time to realise and come to terms with my feelings, but I love you alot. And if you will allow me, I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just that. Kim Taehyung, will you be my boyfriend?” Jungkook was kneeling on the ground, looking at Taehyung with eyes full of love, hope and a little nervousness, rain pouring heavily on both of them.
“Yes, I'll be your boyfriend. I thought you'd never ask, you idiot.” Taehyung laughed, launching himself onto Jungkook and hugging him tightly.
Jungkook caught his waist as they both fell to the ground, rain still pouring down on both of them. Their breaths mingled ,eyes locked on each other, slowly the distance between them started to decrease without any of them realising , Jungkook looked at Taehyung waiting for him to close the distance fully if he wants to ,so with a smile Taehyung leaned down to kiss him, Jungkook didn't realize the breath he was holding in anticipation until their lips met and he sighed in relief. The kiss was messy but perfect, their teeth clinking because of the wide smiles they couldn't contain, and their hearts locked together, as the rain witnessed their confession.
“I'll never forget this day, ever.” Jungkook whispered, tucking Taehyung's hair behind his ear.
“I hope you won't,” Taehyung replied bashfully.
***
Taehyung wiped his tears, laughing as he thought of that night.
It was the night of their graduation. They had just got out of the celebratory dinner with their friends, since their parents couldn't make it because of the distance between their town and Seoul. It was raining heavily and they were both high on wine and happiness. When Jungkook suddenly kneeled down in front of Taehyung to confess; he told him that he will remember this day forever and now…
‘When did we become like this, Jungkook?’
He didn't realise when fatigue took over and he fell asleep with tears clinging to his lashes. He only woke up when he heard the noise of something falling down. He looked toward the sound, only to find Jungkook standing there, looking at him with eyes wide in panic, clearly trying to pass the room without waking Taehyung up.
“Hey baby,” Jungkook smiled nervously.
Taehyung looked at him without saying anything. There was an awkward silence in between them, something that never existed before, but now resides permanently in between them . Without a word, Taehyung got up and started to gather the food from the table to put it back in the fridge.
“Tae–”
“Don't.”
After keeping the food and dishes in the fridge, Taehyung walked away to his room without sparing Jungkook a glance.
“Tae I swear I tried to come back by 7, but the company made me—”
“I said don't, Jungkook. I don't want to hear another 'the company held me back’ from you. I am tired, and I want to sleep.” Taehyung uttered with a tired sigh, his shoulders slumped and his eyes full of defeat.
Jungkook could see the efforts Taehyung put into this date. He’s dressed in a suit. The dishes which are definitely home made are all Jungkook's favourite. The candles, roses–everything. And he still managed to ruin it all. Again.
“I am so sorry, Tae,” Jungkook said, his voice full of remorse.
Taehyung just shrugged like it wasn't something new while unbuttoning his shirt. “Not like you did something you haven't done before. I would really like to sleep, so please leave, Jungkook. I don't think your company would like to know that you are in my apartment, so please leave. I need to sleep.”
Jungkook took a step toward Taehyung, but Taehyung stepped back, shaking his head in denial.
“Happy Anniversary, Jungkook. Please leave.”
Jungkook froze in realization. He forgot their anniversary again.
“You forgot , didn't you?”Jungkook drowned more in shame when he heard the resignation in Taehyung's voice,like he already expected this.
“I didn't mean to forget, I swear. You know, right? I swear I remembered it. I even had it marked on my calendar, but I don't know—” Jungkook frantically opened his calendar to show Taehyung when he saw the notification of 'reminder’ by the calendar sitting on his notifications.”Baby I swear I didn't mean to, it's just–”
“Your priority shifted again?” Taehyung cuts in, his voice tired. “I am not upset with you Jungkook. Just don't expect me to be understanding right now because I’m so damn tired right now. You will have your understanding Tae back tomorrow. Please leave this Taehyung alone for now.”
“I am sorry, Taehyung. I didn't mean to, I promise. I swear I'll make it up to you nex—”
“Next time?” Taehyung asks with a sardonic smile.
“You have been saying that a lot these days, and we both know how it ends. So spare us both from this cycle this time.”
Taehyung got inside his blanket turning his back towards Jungkook after saying that, leaving him standing in regret.
He heard Jungkook's footsteps coming towards him… and then his phone started ringing, halting those footsteps. Taehyung held his breath as the ringtone filled the eerily silent room. He waits for Jungkook to leave like he always does but somewhere in his heart he wants to be chosen just once.
'Give me something. Anything to believe. Choose something that makes me want to fight for us longer. I beg you Kook… please choose something. Please choose me and stay.’
When he heard the sound of the door clicking shut, he let those tears roll down his eyes.
He doesn't know how long he can hold onto this drowning ship without drowning himself. He doesn't know how long until he loses Jungkook, or worse, loses himself. He doesn't know when Jungkook will realise that he is losing Taehyung.
****
Taehyung woke up with a headache and puffy eyes from crying himself to sleep. The house is silent. It has been dead silent for months now. A silence that is slowly consuming Taehyung to death.
He never thought things would turn out like this. He never imagined that in the race to climb the golden stairs of success in this city, he would start to lose the only person he ever considered ‘home’. He lives in this four-walled apartment everyone calls home, but he is losing his home. And he doesn't know what he should do to get it back, to get him back.
He always thought he would be able to keep up with Jungkook, with his ambitions, his dreams.
His dreams…
When did their dreams separate?Wasn't their dream was to simply live a happy life together?
‘Is it still the same?’ Taehyung thought, letting out a bitter chuckle.
Today they have everything– or so it looks. And still Taehyung feels like he is standing at an altar, waiting for Jungkook to finally realise that they don't need anything more. He has been standing there for a long time now, but these days, it feels like he is dying at that altar while Jungkook keeps climbing the stairs of success.
And Taehyung is tired of waiting. He can't climb anymore. The ladder to reach Jungkook is too far from him now, completely out of reach.
So maybe he really will die on this altar, waiting for Jungkook to realise that their love is enough.