Chapter Text
Anya knew she was dead, to begin with.
She could recognize the pain of blood and vomit that emerged from her mouth.
It wasn’t her first time overdosing like this, but unlike then, she knew there was no saving her.
No last-minute rescue from friends. No other nurses to help pump her stomach.
Just her, her bandaged up captain, and the cold vacuum of space.
She was…what was it that Swansea said?
Ah, right.
Pulling the plug on this party early.
Something like that.
There was no way she could have survived this.
Not her.
Not…whatever it would have been.
Captain, I told you.
It should have been the end of the road for her.
So why…?
“Miss, are you okay?”
Why could she feel someone’s hand on her back?
Anya slowly lifted her head and looked up at the stranger.
He smiled patiently as he patted her back.
“Gosh, you had quite a ride up here, didn’t you?” the man asked.
Anya kept staring at the man with wide eyes. Nothing about him made sense.
For one thing, his skin was glowing white. Not Caucasian, but pale white. A halo hovered over his blonde quaff and…
Were those wings behind him?
“I’m dead,” Anya muttered.
“Yes, you are,” the man said kindly.
“I’m dying and dreaming.”
“It’s better than a dream, miss…I’m sorry, I don’t believe I got your name.”
“A-Anya. Anya Musume.”
Why not? She was already dreaming. She had to be.
“Musume,” the man said to himself as he looked through a book. Where did that come from? “Mulligan, Murray, Mustafar…”
There’s no way she could be-
“Ah! There you are!” the man said. “Welcome to Heaven, Anya Musume!”
Dreaming.
Definitely dreaming.
“Who…what…”
“Oh! I’m so sorry! Where are my manners? I’m Saint Peter! Pronouns He/Him.”
Peter held out his hand to her with a wide smile. “We’re so happy to see you here!”
Anya trembled as she took his hand. His grip felt soft yet firm as she was pulled up to her feet.
“I…but I…I shouldn’t be here,” she said.
“How do you mean?” Peter asked.
“I…this is a dream. Why am I hallucinating this? Is my mind trying to torture me? I know what I did! I know what I am! I don’t even believe in God!”
Peter chuckled. “Trust me, you’re not the first atheist to come up here. We really had to calm Albert Einstein down after he made his way up here.”
“No shit.”
“No shit indeed,” Peter chirped.
Anya barely noticed the actual pearly gates she walked by. The view before her was blindingly bright, causing her to shield her eyes with her free hand.
“Everyone who enters the Kingdom of God earns their way in. No matter what you may think, you belong up here, Miss Musume.”
She turned to face Peter, who smiled warmly at her.
“I’ve had my own fears over whether I deserved to come up here or not, as crazy as it sounds.” He gave an airy chuckle. “And you know what I realized?”
“What?”
“That no matter what I’ve done, I’m still loved enough to be up here. I’m sure whoever you left behind truly cares for you.”
Anya almost scoffed at that.
“Either way, allow me to be the first one to say…”
Some organ music began to play in the background as Peter took a deep breath.
“Welcome to Heaven! Ohh~” he sang.
Anya was definitely dreaming. She had to be.
Though compared to before, she wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to wake up.
Curly knew he was a dead man as soon as Jimmy put him in the cryogenic chamber.
“I’m just glad I got to be your friend and co-pilot, Captain,” the latter said, putting a hand up against the glass.
“No one can hurt you now. We fixed it.”
His friend turned away from the door. “I…fixed it…” Jimmy said.
If Curly had his arms, he would be banging furiously against the window, trying to force Jimmy to stop as he walked away.
Unfortunately…
Bang!
Not everyone can get what they want.
Curly shivered, whining at the effort to do so as the cool air sprayed onto his body.
Curly lay back and watched the glass in front of him frost over, waiting for the inevitable.
He wasn’t a doctor, but there were a few things he knew that Jimmy didn’t seem to realize.
One, the instructions for the pods clearly stated that all wounds had to be covered before freezing the occupant.
Otherwise, the coolant would get into their system and poison their bloodstream.
Two, the human body normally won’t last without skin against the elements.
Three, he was a gaping wound of a human being whose skin was stripped away by a freak accident.
The only thing separating his bare muscular system and the freezing air inside were Anya’s bandages held together by bobby pins and prayers.
Oops.
He coughed as he slumped against his seat, his battered lungs desperately trying to grasp for air.
Ice rushed through his veins, burning him up from the inside.
He wished he could close his eye and just let it happen already, but again, not everyone could get what they wanted.
Instead, his bloodshot, eyelid-less eye lolled about as it watched his blood congeal and crystallize.
Curly barely had the energy for anything else.
The world around him grew brighter as his energy sapped out.
He wondered.
Is this what it’s like to fall asleep with eyes open?
The light grew blindingly bright.
Curly let out one final breath.
His vision clouded over until there was nothing but darkness.
Darkness all around him.
Darkness within.
Darkness without.
…
He’s dead, right?
Shouldn’t he have disappeared by now?
There shouldn’t be anything else, right?
Or, at least, there shouldn’t be anything coherent happening.
Did he actually freeze successfully?
“Hey! Wake up, asshole!”
He grunted as something jabbed him in the side.
Curly blinked open his eye as a red blur dashed over him.
Wait.
Blinked?
Curly blinked again and looked around him.
Was he in…a city?
Why was the sky so red?
“Wh-what-”
Curly paused.
He spoke.
He spoke actual words.
He reached up to touch his mouth.
Only to find most of his arm still missing.
He moved his other limbs and couldn’t feel any of his extremities.
Well, guess he wasn’t lucky in that regard.
He couldn’t be in Heaven, could he?
It was scientifically impossi-
He cried out as another passerby walked on his stomach.
Okay. Clearly not Heaven.
Then where-?
He squinted as he looked up into the sky.
A giant pentagram came into focus.
…fuck.