Chapter Text
She fumbled in her purse and pulled out her phone: Hare and Hounds. Lea Bridge Rd. Now.
M sat alone in the corner of the Hare and Hounds, not wanting to go home. She had just gotten off the phone with her daughter who had finalised the funeral arrangements for the coming Friday.
She didn’t think she cared. She didn’t think his passing would affect her at all. When she got the phone call all she said was “oh”. There was no breakdown into inconsolable tears, just numbness where she assumed her grief would be.
She had a husband and a family because in those days that was what you did. An unmarried woman was defective by nature so it was only natural that she married herself off and pushed out a couple of kids. What wasn’t natural was the maternal instinct for mothering children and being a good wife. Her priority was always to her country and her family always came second to that. For some reason her family accepted that fact and they all continued to progress through life with minimal affection.
Now that her domestic life was completely over she felt a void in her heart that she hadn’t been aware of. Her greyed out husband made her feel human because if he loved her then there was something about her to love. There must be a heart beating inside of her worthy of attention. Without him as a status symbol she was the ice queen robot that led MI6 into battle. She was someone to fear and respect but it was all for the love of country, not for the love of her.
Her gin and tonic was untouched on the table in front of her. She had made it half way home from work before it got too difficult and she had told her driver that this was her destination. She had been inside just a handful of times, usually when Michael had some sort of work do there, but it all seemed so unfamiliar.
Her phone buzzed: Be there in five.
She circled a finger around the rim of her glass. Why didn’t she miss him? Maybe she didn’t have a heart after all. He was a good man. He made breakfast for her any morning he could even if she had to get up in the early hours. Most women would never experience that kind of affection so that was his way of vying for her attention whilst he had the chance. Usually, she only heard from her daughters in a printed letter at Christmas that told her little Lucy had just started high school and Tom had just passed his driving test. It provided little comfort.
She felt completely numb and unable to feel. If she could feel remorse, guilt, pain, anything, then she might still be human. She picked up her drink and drank it all in one. The rush of alcohol wasn’t enough to sting her throat and absolve her shame. She balled her fist and dug her fingernails into her palm until four lines were shallowly carved into her skin. She couldn’t feel anything any more.
She wanted to escape into a world where none of this had happened and where she could forget who she was for an hour or two. She knew exactly who she could count on for that: a man who was as numb as she was only he made a living out of it.
“Good evening, Ma’am,” James sat down opposite her with his back straight and eyes alert. His overpriced suit looked so out of place in a hole like this but it gave him a look of power. He had no idea why he was there but she didn’t see any confusion on his face. He had simply obeyed. M looked into his eyes and took a breath.
“007. I need someone to aid every sexual whim of mine, lavish affection upon me and make me forget everything from the past few days,” he didn’t move a muscle. “Having directed many of your missions I know you are extremely well versed in such activities and you are to see to me without question.”
“Are you-“
“Without question,” she reiterated. “Take me back to yours or to a hotel, I don’t care where, but you will show me the same experience that is apparently worth dying for.”
She thought of all the people who had died as a consequence of their entanglements with him. They were all either very unlucky or perhaps the sex was so good that they died of exhaustion. She knew that they were just marks he had been ordered to manipulate but she wanted to believe that he had a liberating effect on people. At this moment in time she didn’t care what happened to her but she wanted to find out.
James surveyed her for a moment and saw the rigid determination in her eyes. She always got what she wanted. She wondered if his hesitation was due to her age. She couldn’t remember ever asking him to seduce an older woman or maybe it was just because she was his boss. Had all those years of flirting really only been to irritate her or was he willing to make true on his promises?
He knew about her husband and he knew she needed this. If he wouldn’t help her then she would have to face her grief alone. If he didn’t say yes then she wouldn’t know what to do.
“Okay. Let’s go.”