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He hadn't meant to turn up on Dr. Lecter's doorstep in the middle of the night just like that. He just hadn't known where else to go.
The nightmares had been bad these past couple of weeks. He'd had nightmares before but never this violent. Never with him as the protagonist. And never with him enjoying what he did, enjoying it so, so much.
The murder.
The blood.
The power.
This was what disturbed him most. How much he enjoyed this complete sense of control he had over his victims in his dreams. He could do with them whatever he chose to. And he did.
Tonight he'd awoken laughing. Actually laughing. He didn't remember exactly what had happened in his dream but he knew he shouldn't have been amused by whatever it was. He slowly felt like he didn't know how to cope anymore with all the shame and guilt these recent dreams, or rather: his reaction to them, invoked in him. Dr. Lecter was his psychiatrist. He'd know how to handle this. And he had told him to come here whenever he needed him, day or night. Right now Will felt like he needed him badly if he didn't want to drown in all this shame.
It took him several minutes to actually ring Dr. Lecter's doorbell. He stood there, shivering slightly. It was a chilly night and he'd just scrambled out of bed and pulled on the pair of jeans that had been closest. When Dr. Lecter opened the door he didn't seem surprised in the least bit.
“Will!” His eyes darted over Will's body, taking in the jeans, the sweat-soaked gray t-shirt he had slept in and his bare feet. “Well, come in, come in.” He took a step back.
“Thank you, Dr. Lecter.” With a sigh, Will followed him inside.
Now they were sitting opposite each other in Dr. Lecter's impressive study. After gratefully downing the offered glass of water Will had told Dr. Lecter about this recent development of his nightmares, that he had awoken from a particularly brutal one tonight and had in a somewhat panicked reaction just run out the door, run for as long as he could before he doubled over heaving and gasping. He had realized that he was close to the Doctor's mansion and something had made him turn his feet there.
“And might I assure you that you did the right thing, my dear Will”, Dr. Lecter said. “I hate to imagine you running around there in your state. You will stay here tonight, of course. And tomorrow we can talk about everything. Now let me prepare the guestroom for you.” He pushed himself up from his chair.
“Dr. Lecter …”
“Yes, Will?” That unreadable gaze. Those dark, knowing eyes.
Will wet his lips. “I just …” He took off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. Then he carefully trained them on a spot on the floor by Dr. Lecter's shoes. “I thought maybe you could help me deal with those dreams more … more …”
“In a more timely manner, you mean?” A hint of a smile.
Will nodded vigorously.
“Ah.” Dr. Lecter sat back down again. “I hadn't realized that the matter was quite so … urgent. Why then, I wouldn't want you to suffer any longer than is strictly necessary, of course. Now, obviously I need to know the exact nature of your problem before I can propose a cure.”
He poured another glass of water and handed it to Will.
“Please, tell me exactly what it is that pains you.”
Will took the water and nervously downed the whole glass to gain a little time to think about what to say. Finally, reluctantly, he told the Doctor how in his dreams he enjoyed his power of his victims, how it had made him feel secure, alive, right. And how he always awoke with a mix of guilt and an immense thirst for more.
While Will was talking Dr. Lecter had gotten up and walked around the room with small, measured steps. Nodding and offering a sound of understanding from time to time. After a while Will realized that the Doctor hadn't just been walking up and down, though, as people did who were deep in thought. He had been circling him. Now he was standing behind him and rested his hands on Will's chair.
Will was very aware of the Doctor's presence behind him. Goosebumps spread out over his arms. He had forgotten what he'd been about to say. “ … and that's pretty much it”, he finished lamely. “So can you help me?”
Dr. Lecter lowered his head a little and inhaled deeply.
“Did you just smell me?”, Will said, half-amused, half-indignant.
“I take it you had night sweats again?”
Will just nodded.
“Then we should really make sure you're getting enough to drink. Dehydration can lead to headaches and muscle spasms and I”, an uncharacteristic little chuckle came from somewhere above Will, “would hate for you to be anything else but relaxed by the end of the session.”
Personally, Will thought that he had had as much water as he needed by now. Actually he was already starting to feel a little full and had he been at home he'd gone to the bathroom now. But he was embarrassed to ask Dr. Lecter where his bathroom was, like a little child that couldn't hold it. Besides, how much longer would this go on, anyway? Their sessions never took longer than an hour. If they got started now he'd be out the door in an hour, an hour and fifteen minutes tops. He'd be fine.
Dr. Lecter sat down again in the chair opposite Will. “It seems to me like there is some sort of imbalance with how you experience power and dominance. You're a very sensitive man at heart, Will, and in reality you would never choose to hurt someone else just because you can. In your dreams you do, though, and you derive a lot of pleasure from it.”
Will cleared his throat. He would never admit it to himself but Dr. Lecter's strange accent had had an … interesting effect on him from the beginning on. The way he said the word “pleasure”, that soft, almost whispered “s” resonated within him. He tried to concentrate again on what Dr. Lecter was saying.
Which was getting harder by the minute, if he was being honest, because he felt himself distracted by his full bladder. He crossed his legs to relieve some of the pressure.
“Look at yourself right now, for example. The way you cross your legs immediately when we're talking about you, a clear sign of your wish to close yourself off, to not be read so easily. That is a way of trying to stay in control of the situation, just like you are in your dreams.”
Will quickly uncrossed his legs again. He didn't want to appear as someone trying to close himself off, he wanted Dr. Lecter to help him. He really wanted him to get on with it at this point, though.
“Now, about your condition”, Dr. Lecter resumed his explanations, “I suggest a turning of tables, if you will. Someone who's drunk with power needs to have said power relinquished from him. I'm willing to do just that. Usually it's not very difficult to have power over someone, or dominate someone, as you could simply call it. Most people have simple minds. With the right kind of intellectual equipment you can just take over, make them do your bidding. But you … you're different, Will.
You have the keenest of minds, we both know that. You have the ability empathize with other people on a level that goes way beyond what most people have at their disposal. And you're very self-reflective. I wouldn't insult you by suggesting you gave up power over your … well, frankly, deliciously complicated mind, Will. No, what you need is something else entirely.”
Will was starting to shift in his seat now. The waistband of his jeans was painfully digging into his stomach.
Dr. Lecter paused. “If I may say so, I do feel like maybe you're not in the right state right now to discuss this subject matter. We can always talk about it another time, Will. I don't want to impose myself on you. I just want to help you. But if you feel like maybe I'm not the right person to aid you in this …”
“No, it's not that”, Will blurted out against his will. It was getting harder and harder for him to concentrate.
“What is it, then, my dear Will?”
“N-nothing. I want you to help me. Please. I really do.”
The thinnest of smiles. “Like I said, you need something else. What you need is to hand over control of your body. Because it's your body that controls you right now, Will, not the other way around as it's supposed to be. Your mind gives you the nightmares, yes, but your body won't let you wake up from them. Your body drags you deeper into them. Your body reacts at a very basic, animal level. It makes you toss and turn and sweat and moan.
And – correct me if I'm wrong, Will – it betrays you in a different fashion, too, doesn't it. In a fashion that you've been too embarrassed to mention in our sessions until now. Isn't that right?”
Will knew the other man was watching him, waiting for him to react in some way. But he couldn't. Not when his whole face was already burning with shame and guilt at the deduction. Not when he knew that Dr. Lecter could read all that in his expression as easily as if he'd said it out loud.
“Will?” The Doctor sounded patient but there was also the unmistakable hint of someone expecting an answer in that single word.
Will swallowed thickly. “I …” He cleared his throat.
Dr. Lecter quickly refilled his glass. “I'm sorry, you must be thirsty. I've been a terrible host, it seems, talking on and on. There you go.” He pointed to the full glass.
Will really didn't feel like drinking anymore. If this went on for much longer he'd have to ask to use Dr. Lecter's bathroom after all. Which was something he wanted to avoid by any means.
“Will? What is it? I can tell you're thinking about something. Care to share it?”
Will blushed and shook his head. He took the glass and took a polite sip.
“Is something wrong with the water, Will? Would you like me to get you some ice or a slice of lemon maybe?”
Will shook his head. “No, i-it's fine. Really.” As proof he downed the entire glass.
Dr. Lecter smiled. “You really were thirsty, then, just like I thought.”
Will stared at the floor and didn't say anything.
“The way I see it you need to experience someone to have complete power over you for once. Over your body. Let me be the keeper of your body's urges, Will. Make it stop wanting and start needing. Make you experience complete freedom from the responsibility for it. It sounds tempting, doesn't it?"
The Doctor leaned forward. "Do you want to hand over control to me like that, Will? Do you want me to dominate you?"
Will swallowed.
"I know this isn't an easy decision so I'll let you ponder it for a moment.”
The Doctor stood up, took the empty pitcher and left the room. As soon as the door had closed behind him, Will sighed with relief and squeezed his cock through his jeans. He felt like his whole body was connected to his bladder, like his whole being was reduced to the aching pain there, the need to let go. The mere thought of letting go was almost too much. Will doubled over and increased the pressure on his cock. He couldn't remember ever having to go this bad in his life. He should just wait for Dr. Lecter to come back, make up an excuse and leave. There was no way he was going to sit through whatever it was that Dr. Lecter had in mind for him.
But then again he really did need the Doctor's help. And he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to muster the courage again to ask him for it. Now that he had already laid it all out in front of him he should just get it over with. Besides, what was he afraid of? That he was going to piss himself? That was ridiculous. He was a grown man. He could make it. He opened the first two buttons of his jeans. Immediately he felt better, some of the pressure taken away. See?, he thought to himself. It would be fine. He tugged at his t-shirt a little so it would cover the open buttons on his fly and steeled himself for what was to come.
“I made coffee!”, Dr. Lecter announced brightly upon entering the room again. He was carrying a tray with two cups, a small milk jug and a sugar bowl. “Seeing as we seem to have quite some work to do I thought we could use a little pick-me-up. No milk, three sugars, right?”
Will stared at him incredulously, then just nodded weakly. Dr. Lecter placed the cup in Wills hands, sat back down again and thoughtfully stirred his own coffee.
“Now, have you made up your mind?”
“Y-yes. I want you to help me. I'm fine with whatever you decide.”
The Doctor looked pleased. “I'm gad to hear that, Will. But you're not drinking your coffee. Is it not to your liking? I thought you called it ‘spectacular’ the other day?”, he added with a mock-pout.
“It is, Dr. Lecter. It's great coffee, really.” He forced himself to take a sip.
“Alright, then. Let's get down to business. Oh, I must warn you, though. You may experience some discomfort. You may have started to experience it already.”
Will tried to gather the last shreds of dignity around him. „I don't find this all too uncomfortable.“
„You will.“
A sudden spasm in his bladder sent a shiver down Will's spine. He longed to touch his dick again, not only to relieve some of the pressure but also because he felt like it would soon be necessary to hold off the stream by actually manually squeezing himself shut before he pissed himself in his jeans. But of course he couldn't do that in front of Dr. Lecter. He forced himself to keep his hands around his cup. He couldn't keep from jiggling his left knee, though. He didn't care how ridiculous he looked, he couldn't help it.
The Doctor just looked at him thoughtfully and sipped his coffee. “I'm starting to believe you were just being polite when you complimented me on my coffee, Will.”
Will clenched his jaw. He looked at the Doctor, whose expression remained unreadable. He took the cup, downed the coffee with one big gulp and put the cup back onto its saucer with a loud clank. “Wh-when do we start, Dr. Lecter?”
“Oh, we're already at it, my dear Will. Haven't you noticed?”
Will licked his lips nervously. The Doctor wasn't … he wasn't suggesting … his train of thought was interrupted by another painful spasm in his bladder. Will moaned. He held on to the armrests until his knuckles turned white. He felt the Doctor's expectant gaze on him but couldn't bring himself to meet the other man's eyes. And then it happened.
A small spurt escaped him, only wetting his boxers, not even showing on his jeans just now, but it was the first sign of his body giving up. Will hissed in desperation. If only he could grab himself.
“It seems to me like you're not taking our session very seriously, Will. Like you're … distracted, perhaps?”
Will desperately squeezed his thighs together and slid a little deeper into the chair, pushing his feet against the floor, his toes curling in the carpet. A low moan escaped him. "No!"
„Do I have your attention, Will?“ The Doctor suddenly sounded menacing. Dark eyes searching for his soul and finding only hot desperation there. “Do I?”
"Y-yes”, Will replied shakily. He really didn't know how much longer he would be able to hold it.
"I thought so.“ Just like that the Doctor sounded as calm and friendly again as before. “But I don't want to torture you, Will. This is about giving up control, but I assure you this is a safe environment. There's no need to keep up any pretense about your current situation. Do whatever feels necessary. I mean it, go ahead.”
“But ...”, Will started.
“What is it? Do you feel the need to do something … uncommon for normal human interaction? Like I said - there's no need for pretense around here. It's only you and me and I assure you I will never judge you. You seem very tense, Will. Maybe … I don't know … a change of posture would help?”
Will blinked helplessly. Surely the Doctor didn't mean for him to …?
The other man smiled. “I mean just that.”
Will swallowed. “I-it's just that I … I need to … I need to hold myself”, he finished quickly and looked down again.
The Doctor nodded. “I figured as much. Why is that, may I ask?”
Did he really need for him to say it? Will sighed. “B-because I'm afraid I'll …” To his surprise another spurt escaped him, this time soaking through to his jeans, making his situation fully visible. “I'm afraid I'll wet myself if I don't.”
“I see”, the Doctor said pointedly, looking at the dark spot. “Do whatever you feel is necessary, then.”
Without thinking Will ripped open the remaining buttons of his jeans, shoved his hand into his soaked boxer briefs and clenched his fist around his cock.
“You feel like you will wet yourself any minute, is that right?”
Will nodded sharply.
“That you will urinate right here in front of me? That you will just let go like a little child?”
Will let out a whimper.
“I understand your predicament, I must admit.” The Doctor leaned forward and rested his hands on Will's knees. “But we've already established that that's exactly what this session is about, right? It's about you handing over control. I control you now, Will. And I'm telling you when to release. I can't just have you wet yourself like that in front of me. You need to let me make that decision for you. You understand that, right?”
“Yes, but … Dr. Lecter … please … I really … can I please just …”
The Doctor watched him for a while. Will squirmed, he had started to sweat again and was jiggling both his feet now. He had let his head fall back, his hand shoved into his briefs, his eyes closed, intent on not losing control, not caring anymore that he looked exactly as desperate as he felt.
“You may go to the bathroom now. It's down the hall and to the left.”
Will's eyes snapped open in disbelief. He fumbled for words but then, with his hand still in his pants, just scrambled to his feet. That's when he felt the next spurt, only this time it wouldn't stop on its own. Helplessly, he tried to still the flow for a few seconds but then he finally just let go, listening to the faint hissing sound and watching in humiliation as the stain on the front of his jeans grew larger and larger, the liquid wetting his crotch and his ass in the process, flowing down his legs, soaking the carpet beneath his bare feet.
He was sure he had never felt this embarrassed before but at the same time he couldn't help but revel in the blissful relief. Finally his mind let go, too, and just let it happen. He moaned unashamedly, to his own surprise even enjoying the way his piss went through his fingers and into his jeans. After what seemed like an eternity the flow finally stopped.
“Will”, a soft voice reminded him of the presence of Dr. Lecter.
This time he made himself look up.
The Doctor curiously looked just as satisfied as Will felt. “We've made some excellent progress here tonight, don't you think? But I'm not quite sure a one-time situation like this will have the desired effect on you. I suggest you stay here with me over the next days and we can return to this specific way of dealing with your issues again. I've already prepared the guestroom. But now you must want to take a shower, I'm sure.
The bathroom is, like I said, down the hall and to the left.”