Chapter Text
Michael: You're pathetic!
David: You're pathetic-er!
Simon: You're both losers.
Michael: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my f---ing problem.
Anna: I'm cold.
Georgia: Here, take my hoodie.
*meanwhile*
David: I'm cold.
Michael: I can't control the weather, David.
David: I don’t remember that.
Michael: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door?
David: ...No.
Michael: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles?
David: Not especially, no.
Michael: It was in between those two things.
David: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby.
Anna: What baby?
David, crying a bit: Me.
David: I love you.
Michael: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.
*David and Michael kiss passionately*
Georgia, to Anna: You owe me 20 dollars.
Georgia, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.
Georgia: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean.
Simon: No, go ahead. I want to hear it.
Georgia: It sucks.
Simon: That's not constructive criticism.
David, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.
David: I have a bad feeling about this...
Simon: What do you mean?
David: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Simon: No?
Michael: That actually explains so much.
David, about Georgia and Anna: My god, would you two just get a room already?
Anna: Excuse me, David?
David: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?
Georgia: ...
Michael: I ship it!
Simon: CAN YOU NOT?
Michael: What did you order this morning?
Anna: What do you mean?
Michael: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.
Georgia: Anything else?
Anna: Yeah. Stay away from me!
Georgia: Alright. See you in the room we share.
Michael: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?
David: Did you just make that up?
Michael: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.
David:
Michael: A really long fortune cookie.
Michael: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?
Anna: No. No, Michael, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Michael calls Simon. Number five: Georgia gets eaten by a shark.
Georgia: I’m Georgia, and I approve the order of that list.
Anna: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!
Michael: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Simon, go find out if that thing can catch fire!
Anna: You're a bad influence.
Michael: And you don't know your sayings.
David: Are you good?
Georgia: In what sense?
David: Generally.
Georgia: Oh, definitely not.
Georgia: Would you like something to drink? *She opens the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-
Anna: Spiders?
Georgia: Spiders it is then.
Anna: No, that wasn’t-
*But she was already pouring her a brimming glass of spiders…*
Georgia: Fine! I admit it. I still can’t swim! I never took those lessons at the community pool.
Simon: Georgia… You promised!
Georgia: You wanted to put me in the beginners’ class with the little kids! I can’t be swimming around with a bunch of five-year-olds! They can be so cruel when they sense weakness…
Michael: That’s why, on the first day, you have to beat up the biggest one in the yard.
Simon: …Michael, that’s prison.
Michael: Only if you let it be.
Georgia: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together*
Simon: What are you making?
Georgia: A mistake.
Simon: Something tells me David's going to be a bit more unhinged today...
David, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Michael isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.
David, singing: ~Hush, little laptop, don’t you cry.~
David: ~Papa’s gonna find you some more Wi-Fi.~
David: ~And if that Wi-Fi doesn’t work…~
David: ~Papa will destroy the fucking Earth.~
Georgia: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.
Anna: Georgia, I have a great idea.
Georgia: Let’s hear it.
Anna: We trick David and Michael to go out on a date together.
Georgia: YES!
Georgia: And hey, if that doesn’t work out, maybe you and me could go out, get some drinks—
Anna, hitting them with a book: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Michael: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??
Anna: What the hell do you do?
Michael: I die? What kinda question...
Michael: It’s Pride Month, you know what that means!
Georgia: I get to eat as many Skittles as I want?
Michael: What? No! What has David been telling you?
David, walking in, pouring Skittles into their mouth: Taste the rainbow, bitch.
Anna: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Michael: I think you mean cards.
Georgia: She did not.
Anna, pulling out knives: I did not.
Simon: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head?
David: It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.
Michael: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air*
Simon: *shoots it*
*Georgia is fighting a monster*
Anna: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!
Georgia: The power to believe in myself!?
Anna: No, a knife! Stab it!
David: That was a joke. Say ha.
Michael: Ha.
David: Now do it again.
Michael: Ha.
David: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.
Simon: *is throwing stones at Michael's window*
Michael: You have a phone for a reason, Simon!
*THUD*
Michael: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!
Georgia: Watcha got there..?
Anna: *petting a ostrich* A smoothie.
David on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.
David on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!
Michael: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.
David: Where were they?
Michael: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.
David, impressed: Damn, they really went for it.
*Georgia falls over*
David: Georgia! Are you alright?
Georgia: Is that you, God?
David: What?
Georgia: It's just, you sound a lot more like David than I expected.
Anna: *running towards Georgia with open arms*
Georgia: *moves out of the way*
Anna: Hey, why'd you move?!
Georgia: I thought you were going to attack me.
Anna: I was going to hug you!
Georgia: Why would you hug me?
Anna: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?
Georgia: Just took a personality test and got an A+.
David: BE A BETTER PERSON!
Michael: WHY?!
David: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!
David: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?
Simon: Exercise more!
Michael: Set yourself on fire.
Georgia: There are two kinds of people.
Michael: Would you slap Simon-
David: Yes.
Michael: I didn't even finish!
David: Sorry, continue.
Michael: Would you slap Simon for 10 dollars?
David: I would do it for free.
Simon: Rude...
Simon: Hey, what have you two been doing?
Anna: we were helping David with his wedding vows and we were kicked out of his house for making it inappropriate.
Michael: How is “Nice ass, Georgia” inappropriate?
David: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Georgia and I are dating.
Georgia, Michael, Simon, and Anna: *gasp*
David: Georgia, why are you surprised?!
Georgia: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers.
Michael: That sounds like a challenge.
Georgia: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.
Michael: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!
Georgia: There is no challenge!
David: Y’know, maybe things aren’t so bad. I’m here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts.
Michael: Hey, David.
David: GODDAMNIT!
David: Georgia and I are no longer dating.
Georgia: David, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
Simon: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.
Simon: *waves their finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*
David: Is this about me?
Michael: No.
David: Then I've lost interest.
Michael: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?
David: What?
Michael: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that?
David: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Georgia: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Michael.
David, pointing their hot glue gun towards Georgia: You’re on thin fucking ice.
Georgia: Ladies, gentlemen and Michael, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!
David: A llama?
Georgia: No.
David: A baby llama?
Georgia: No!
David: A baby llama with a little hat on?
Georgia: NO!
Simon: I once tried to play a pirated copy of Garfield Kart, when Garfield jumped out of my PC! We are currently married with three beautiful children and a summer house in Lisbon.
Michael: The joy of hanging out with David. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and he bites the tip of a marker off.
Michael: Anna is not allowed to violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
Michael: No matter how many times you say please, Anna. We won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
Georgia: I have a 1:30 appointment.
Anna: Which doctor?
Georgia: No, I want the regular doctor.
David: Eugh, Simon.
Georgia: Remember when they tried to kill us because I wouldn’t marry them?
Michael: They’re always trying to trick me into giving them my house!
Anna: One time I caught them stealing my moisturizer…