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Emma knew that is was irrational and illogical to think that her little baby brother was going to steal all attention and love to her from her parents away, but it didn’t stop the thoughts echoing around her head. She knew that her parents loved her; everything that they did for her was proof. Screw her foster care life and memories; she knows that she is loved. It doesn’t always help though. Irrational thoughts are just that, irrational.
Emma was standing in the doorway of the nursery in her new home. Her home was big enough, all the extra rooms and space that she had set up a nursery for her little brother and nights that he might spend here. A night like tonight. Snow and Charming were off having a date night and getting a night alone, that is if Charming could keep Snow away for the night. Emma was expecting Snow early to pick Neal up, like usual when she babysat her little brother.
She listened to the quiet of the house at 2 AM. Henry was at Regina’s and Killian was upstairs sleeping in their bedroom. So here she was, all alone in her own home with this little baby, one that she tried so hard to not hate.
Slowly she backed up and shut the door to the room, letting the door click shut quietly, before turning and making her way to the kitchen to make a cup of chamomile tea to help her relax to go to sleep.
Once her tea was steeping, she made her way to the living room to sit in the big ocean blue cushioned chair that Hook had brought home one day. It was placed by a window facing the woods, as was the perfect spot to relax. She curled up in the seat, her knees up to her chest and slowly sipped her tea, looking out into the night.
She let her mind wander as her eyes stared out at the horizon, ships blinking in and out of the dark. She had had a view like this once, a foster home on a lake in Minnesota. The lake of course wasn’t this big, but she had found herself many nights when she was with the older woman watching the dock lights and the pontoons lights blinking in the night. She had actually liked the woman that ran that foster house, she was a nice lady, a little overly religious at means, but she didn’t push it down on her so Emma was okay with the long prayers at meals.
She remembered one night when she was sitting out on a deck chair one night with a cup of hot chocolate, when Mrs. Evans had joined her. Emma knew that she was going to be leaving soon; she was the last child at the house. Mrs. Evans was older and wasn’t able to keep her much longer, but Emma was okay, she had a plan for after she was taken back to St. Paul in a few weeks, and Mrs. Evans wouldn’t have to know.
“I’ve always felt at home near or on the water. It’s too bad I sold the boat years ago after my husband died.” Mrs Evans said, sitting next to her on a wooden chair. “You would have loved the smell out on the lake.”
“That’s okay Mrs Evans. This is nice, something new.”
They sat in silence for a while until Mrs. Evans spoke again. “I know that you aren’t a religious person Emma, that you don’t believe in much, and while I wish I could change that, forcing a change and belief on someone never works.”
Emma looked up at Mrs. Evans face as she was looking out over the lake, “But I would like you to remember something as you grow up, okay?”
Emma nodded, “Sure,” though she was sure she wouldn’t.
“Life is not an easy thing, as you know. While things can get better and easier, or go the opposite way, you need to keep your faith bigger than your fear. You need to remember that someone loves you, even if that is just me. And I do Emma. You radiate a special glow, a special love.”
Mrs. Evans reached out and placed a gentle hand on Emma’s upper arm, “I wish I could keep you here longer dear and give you a proper home and family. So you just remember that I love you as you, no matter who that turns out to be and that I have faith in you. Understand?”
Emma nodded and turned to watch the lights flickering on the dark water. “Yes Mrs. Evans.”
The two stayed out for a while longer before Mrs. Evans tugged her along to go up to bed.
Emma had left a few days later, heading back to St. Paul to then be routed out to another home again, a new small bible with a handmade bookmark in her bag.
Emma opened her eyes to find the room brighter than she last remembered and slowly stood up, stretching her cramped muscles. She made her way up to her room, passing her brother’s and checking in on him quietly, finding him still asleep. She made her way into her room and sat on the edge of her side of the bed.
Killian moved and placed a hand on her hip, “You’ve been gone for a while, you okay?”
“I’m good, I fell asleep in the chair by the window in the living room. Move over,” Emma yawned, crawling up into bed and curling up into his arms. Both drifted off to sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later by Neal waking and crying.
A few weeks later, Emma showed up last to the apartment of Snow and David, shucking her red leather jacket onto a coat hook and waving in greeting to her family that was sitting around the island in the kitchen.
“Emma, you made it. I was beginning to worry.” Snow said with a smile. “You okay. You’re favoring your left a little.”
Emma chucked, “of course you would notice. I’m fine mom. Just got a new tattoo today.” She lifted her sweater and showed off the black squiggles under the plastic wrap. “I can’t take it off just yet, but I will show you before I go.”
“A tattoo love?” Killian asked from besides Henry, dragging the other stool next to him back with his foot. “And what might it be of?”
As Emma sat she smiled at her family, “Just a quote from an old foster home. The woman that ran it was quite the scripture loving woman, but she was kind to me. It was something she said to me before I left her home. I got to thinking about it the other day.”
Emma looked over at Snow and softly smiled, “She would have given Granny a running for grandmother type. Mrs. Evans was sweet old lady that just wanted to do what was right for me. You remember that old bible from my box, she gave that to me.”
“She sounds like a lovely woman, Emma. I’m glad you both had each other for a while and that she was able to give you something to hold onto for all these years.” Snow said, smiling at her daughter and placing a mug of hot chocolate with cinnamon in front of her.
“She loved that blanket of mine, the one you made for me. She thought it felt of warm love and smelled like spring…”
Emma was going to continue, her and Snow and David had finally gotten to a place that they could talk about things from Emma’s past and it didn’t cause out right heart ache, but Neal started screaming from the nursery, and the timer was going off on the oven.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got him,” Emma said, allowing David and Snow to work insync to get the food out of the oven and ready to be eaten.
Emma stood and walked to her baby brother, who was sitting up in his crib, screaming until he saw her. He stopped and sniffled a little before allowing her to finish crossing the room and pick him up.
“Hey little man, did you wake up all alone.” She pressed a kiss to his temple, and allowed him to snuggle into her shoulder. She reached into the crib and picked up a blanket to lay over him. “Don’t you worry little man, no one is leaving you alone. I’ve got you.”
She turned and stopped, her mother smiling at her in the doorway, “He is just in love with you Emma. Which is more that I could ever hope for for the two of you.” She reached up and kissed Neal on the back of his head before kissing Emma on her forehead.
“Mom,” Emma fake whined, giggling with her mother as they walked to the island to sit with the others.
“Don’t mom her,” David said with a smile, serving food onto her plate, before leaning across the island and kissing her on the forehead too. “She and I are allowed some affection towards our oldest.”
Dinner moved along, all eating and laughing. Killian and Henry interrupting each other while sharing their sailing tale from the day, and David and Snow talking about a few of the different ideas for the town they were working on with Regina. Emma sat through most of it silent, enjoying the flood of warmth and love from her family.
It was getting later, Neal off in his crib sleeping away, Henry curled up on the couch trying not to sleep as he played Mario Kart with David and Killian, and Snow and Emma up on the bed in the loft are.
“We haven’t done this since I was just Mary Margaret. I’ve missed this.”
Emma agreed, rolling onto her right side and facing her mother. “This is nice.” She stretched and yawned, a small smile on her face as she let her eyes slide shut as she said, “I’ve also missed this bed.”
“So what is it?”
Emma opened her eyes to find her mother staring down at the hem of her sweater, the plastic poking out.
“Well, do you want to be the first to see it? It’s about time to take the plastic off.” Emma and Snow sat up and Emma pulled off her sweater and pulled up her tank top underneath and started picking at the top of the tape on the plastic. Slowly she peeled off the plastic, and her mom reached out and ran a finger underneath the tattoo, down her skin.
“‘ Let your faith be bigger than your fear .’ It’s beautiful, Emma. That’s not your handwriting though.”
“No. It’s Mrs. Evan’s, the woman that ran a foster home. It’s something that she told me a few nights before I was sent back to St. Paul and sent to a new home. She put it onto a bookmark that she made for me. She was very nice, and tried to make an impression on me. I guess I just didn’t realize it until recently.” Emma was glad she could share this with her mom now, and that her mom wouldn’t just start crying over this kind of sharing anymore.
“Is that your tattoo?” Henry’s voice came from the doorway, where he, Killian, and David stood. Henry came running and jumped onto the bed to look at it, “It’s really cool. Do you think I could get a tattoo?”
Emma smiled at him while he looked at the tattoo and said, “When you’re 18. Now go get ready to go. We will head out in a few minutes.”
“Cool,” Henry said jumping up, “Meet you in the hallway. See you later grandma.” He let her pull him over and kiss his forehead before turning and heading out of the room and into the living room to pack up.
“Emma, a tattoo?”
“He would be 18 and it would be legal. It wouldn’t be fair for me to say no when I have two. Regina and I wouldn’t have a choice over what he does with his body. I’ll break it to her and we can talk with Henry about how a tattoo is forever. But don’t worry, we’ll veto face tattoos. He’ll be fine mom, he’s a smart kid.”
Emma stood and stretched, and leaned her shoulder against her mom’s after she stood and made her way around the bed. They followed David and Hook out of the room and down into the living room. Hook handed Emma her jacket, and the two said goodbye to her parents, Emma hugging both and promise to see them over the weekend before leaving and walking out with Henry to the bug and heading home.
Later that night, as Emma and Hook lay in bed, the big window across the room facing the ocean open, Hook rolled onto his side and traced a oval around the new tattoo.
“She passed away a few years ago,” Emma said a few minutes later. Hooked looked up at her face, but she had her head down on her pillow and her eyes were closed, and noticed a few small tears.
“I checked up on her a few weeks ago, the day after I accidentally slept in the living room. I dreamed about her, about one of the last nights I was with her in her home.” Emma opened her eyes and look at Hook. “She passed away...”
“I’m sorry love,” Hook said, pulling Emma closer to him as she started crying harder.
“I don’t… I …”
Hook held Emma closer as cried, and when she calmed, he scooted to lay face to face with her, “Okay now, love?”
“Thank you, Killian.” Emma kissed him lightly on the lips. “I don’t know why it’s affecting me like this. She was only in my life for a short time few months before I had to leave. She was getting older and couldn’t care for children anymore, and for some reason I was the one to stay with her until a few days before her children came and and helped her pack to move to the cities. I didn’t even really think about her until recently and I have no idea why it is affecting me like this.”
“She was safe memory for you, a kind one. I think that with you not having so many of when you were growing up and before you came here, and now that you are collecting happy memories here, maybe the happy ones, the good ones from before, are starting to come forward. Tell me about her?”
Emma smiled at him and nodded, shifting a little in the bed and in his arms before stilling, “Well, she owned this great two story home on the edge of a lake in the North Western area of Minnesota, in the middle of the a wooded area. At night the lake was lit up by the lights of all the other houses along the edge of the lake and the pontoons around the lake. Now, Mrs Evans, she was a great woman…”