Chapter Text
Yoongi liked music. He just really did. Composing it, arranging it, writing lyrics, he loved it all. When he went to university to further his education in it, he found a kid younger than him who loved music just as much. They clicked, he and Namjoon did. And Yoongi supposed if he didn’t love music so damn much that he left his family to pursue a career in it and never met Namjoon, he would’ve never been introduced to Jung Hoseok.
The three of them were a close group. Yoongi often actually felt like an outsider who just joined in because Namjoon caught him in the campus studio and brought up a conversation. Yoongi should’ve supposed that when Namjoon claimed that he had a friend who would get along really well with Yoongi, he should’ve been prepared. But really, nothing could’ve prepared him for Jung Hoseok.
Hoseok loved music too. He loved to dance to it. He loved to sway and become enraptured in every beat and pause and silence and the flow and collapse with the drop and rise with the build up. Yoongi really could never have been prepared for the way his eyes would catch with awe as Hoseok could personify almost any music that was played, the way his eyes seemed to get lost in notes and verses, the way his face expressed the music. Yoongi’s heart would stall and slow in just the complete awe he had for Hoseok.
Namjoon, the asshole, probably was prepared with how Hoseok and Yoongi hit it off. Initially it was kind of rough, considering Hoseok had really shitty jokes and Yoongi seriously wanted to hit him. Hoseok’s way of warming up to people was a lot of disgusting aegyo until they were comfortable before relaxing and becoming just Hoseok. He liked to call himself “hope” or “Hobi” and Yoongi hated it. But when Hoseok finally laughed and relaxed into just Hoseok, Yoongi could finally understand why Namjoon thought they’d be great friends. (Yoongi would never admit it, but the first time they met, Yoongi thought they’d be great friends, too. He knew he was a grouchy asshole and Hoseok would be a great balance.)
They’d gotten really comfortable, the three of them, despite Yoongi suffering with emotional constipation over the fact that he’d really like to kiss Jung Hoseok, but soon it’d been two years and Yoongi watched Hoseok get into a relationship with a girl. He kind of cursed himself. Of course he should’ve found out first if Hoseok was gay or not before pining like a teenager. He decided to crush his dumb affections, but that really didn’t work because every time Hoseok greeted Yoongi with that damn sunshine smile, Yoongi’s gay heart would beat erratically. So when one day Hoseok greeted Yoongi without his usual brilliance, Yoongi had to know what dampened his mood.
“Hoseok, what’s up?” Yoongi asked for probably the third time over his bitter coffee. It really was bitter. He cringed every time he drank it, but he had to stay awake. After this talk, he’d probably lock himself into a studio.
Hoseok only sighed again and shook his head, but this time he finally said words. “Hye Jung left me,” he leaned back in his chair and let his head rest on the back of it.
Yoongi felt a surge of anger run through him. “Did she say why?” Hoseok’s head lolled off the side and faced Yoongi again, the kicked puppy look written all over him. “I mean, after a year, man, right?”
“She said I wasn’t the one for her,” he muttered. Hoseok’s own coffee was resting on the table, forgotten by its owner. Hoseok didn’t have the heart for it. “She said that I was great and she enjoyed our relationship, but there was something missing. God, what could’ve been missing?” He looked into Yoongi’s eyes and Yoongi wanted to commit homicide. How could anyone bear to hurt Hoseok? Sure, Yoongi was a bit biased, but still. Hoseok radiated warmth and love and seeing him so dejected was killing him. Hye Jung didn’t deserve a second of Hoseok.
“I don’t know, Hoseok.” Yoongi decided to scrap his plans for locking himself in the studio just for today, just for his friend. “But hey, how about we go to the amusement park?”
Hoseok looked at him with some kind of suspicion. “Hyung, you hate going outside.” Yoongi shrugged. “Are you giving up studio time for me?” Yoongi could see the smallest hint of a smile on Hoseok’s face.
Yoongi tried to look as shocked and innocent as possible. “What? Studio time? No, I didn’t plan to do that today.” Hoseok’s faint smile widened.
“Hyung, is this because I keep bothering you about going to that new park with me? You really don’t have to,” Hoseok said, but Yoongi rolled his eyes. The excitement underlying his words was a dead giveaway. Hoseok would love to go to the amusement park with Yoongi. “Uh, are we inviting Namjoonie?”
Yoongi didn’t really want to. He loved Namjoon as a buddy, yeah, sure, but he wanted to spend some time alone with Hoseok (and the asshole probably didn’t want to intrude on what he’d call date time. Namjoon fucking knew about Yoongi’s damn crush). “If you want to, sure,” he ended up saying. Hoseok fiddled with his phone, sending out a text, but Yoongi also slammed some buttons under the table daring Namjoon to come along and die by Yoongi’s hands.
The familiar ding of a text caught Hoseok’s attention as he and Yoongi were sitting in an amicable silence. “Namjoon says he can’t go. That’s fine. I don’t mind it being just you and me, hyung,” Hoseok smiled so sunnily that Yoongi dropped his coffee.
Literally. All over the floor. His face was flushed and red as he grabbed for the napkins and Hoseok stared at him in confusion. “Oh my god, hyung, I didn’t know you were this clumsy. This is like, a Namjoon level mess.” Yoongi’s heart just wouldn’t stop beating. Why was it so damn loud? Goddammit he felt like he was dying. Not really from embarrassment - okay, he’ll admit it, he’s kind of embarrassed right now because he dropped his damn coffee all over the floor and his pants because Jung Hoseok said something slightly flirty and his damn shaky hands couldn’t handle it.
“Can we pick a date for this thing some other time?” Yoongi grumbled, his heart pounding. “I gotta go change my pants and all.” Hoseok laughs at him and Yoongi feels his lips return the smile against his will.
“Sure, hyung,” Hoseok checks his phone again before blinking. “Ah fuck, I forgot it’s Tuesday. I gotta run. I’ll let you know when I’m free. You better text me back!” Yoongi waves half heartedly before glaring back down to the mess of coffee on the floor.
“Fuck you,” he hissed.
Yoongi managed to get home and change into sweatpants rather quickly, ditching his ripped skinny jeans for comfort. He then went off to crawl into his studio, listening to the beats of his own work echo in his ears.
He was so focused he had no idea someone had entered the room until his headphones were gently slid off his ears. “The fuck?” He looked up to see Namjoon waving as he leaned against the door.
“Hey, hyung. Just had a quick question for you,” Namjoon began, the smirk already on his face.
“What is it, brat?” Yoongi knew what he was going to say.
“Why do you hate the thought of the three of us spending time together? You, me, and Hoseok. What’s so bad about that you have to kick me out all the time, huh? Do you hate me or something?” Namjoon asked, but he already knew the answer.
“Suck my dick, Namjoon. You know exactly why,” Yoongi grumbled, putting the headphones down on his desk.
“Still, a two year crush? Intense. On a guy? Even more intense. But you seriously invited the dude out to an amusement park? That’s a legit date.” Namjoon rolled his eyes.
“Hoseok has been begging me to go with him ever since it opened. I figured since he’s all depressed that he and Hye Jung are done, I could take him to get over it,” Yoongi sighed.
“What?” Namjoon blinked. “They’re done? Damn, Hoseok usually comes to me first about problems, now it’s you? Good job on the level up. Can’t wait to hear all the details when it’s my turn for Hoseok because apparently we can’t all meet up at the same time,” Namjoon seemed to relax more into the door.
“Are you bitter, Namjoonie?” Yoongi asked, a hint of teasing in his voice.
“You’re probably the more bitter one, to be honest. You watched and supported Hoseok date a girl for a year. A year, hyung. I don’t think this is really a crush. And what were you planning to do at the park, seduce him? Maybe a chance at a rebound? Hyung, that’s really-”
“Namjoon, shut your damn mouth. No, I wasn’t thinking of seducing him. That wasn’t in my mind at all. Hoseok was really down about it and I wanted to see him fucking smile again. That’s all I really want. For him to keep smiling because when he’s not it feels like clouds are covering up the damn sun and I can’t handle that I need him to smile with his shitty ass jokes and his dumb ass aegyo and for him to be happy and yeah it fucking hurts that it’s not me and it may never be me but that’s okay because all I want is his happiness,” Yoongi took a deep breath after he was done, and Namjoon was silent, his expression unreadable.
“Hyung, I’m sorry. I was out of line,” he said quietly. Yoongi nodded slowly. “I’ll leave now. Make sure not to die in here, okay? I think Hoseok is really looking forward to going to the amusement park with you.”
When the door clicked shut behind him, Yoongi couldn’t help but let the tears slowly fall. His heart ached so bad. It fucking sucked . He didn’t know if Hoseok even leaned towards guys, and here he is pining for him so damn much that he’s crying. Not like it was the first time, anyway. His phone vibrated, alerting him to a text. He managed to wipe away enough tears so his vision wasn’t blurry, and saw a happy text from Hoseok.
‘hey hyung! i just got out of class! did u manage to change ur pants alright?’
Yoongi, for once, didn’t know how to respond.
‘how r u doing?’
There was a pause. A disgusting amount of smiling emojis was the response and Yoongi managed to chuckle through his tears. He grabbed the tissues by his computer (what? He was always prepared for whatever) and blew his nose. He cringed. Disgusting. He turned back to the track he was currently producing when his phone buzzed again. It’d been half an hour since Yoongi received the text, according the numbers on the screen. Yoongi didn’t know how to respond to the reply. He didn’t really have the heart to pretend he was okay at the moment, either.
‘can i come in im outside the studio’
Yoongi was confused. Why the fuck was he here? He shrugged but rolled his chair to the door and opened it, blinking up at Hoseok. “‘Sup?
“I just really wanted to talk to you again,” Hoseok sighed and plopped on the couch behind Yoongi. The door shut behind him with a soft click. Yoongi did not have the self control to prevent himself from violently dropping his hand on his desk. He cursed, cradling it to his chest. “Jesus, hyung. What’s up with you today?” Hoseok looked kind of worried.
“Fine, I’m fine,” he snapped. “Just feeling a bit off today, that’s all.” Hoseok hummed.
“No need to be all rude, though,” he murmured, leaning back into the couch. Yoongi bit his cheek, feeling his heart sink. Ah, there he goes again. Being all dark and depressing and pushing people away and hurting people with his words. “Anyway, hyung, I didn’t think you were this nice. I always thought you were a big ol’ grump who just works all day.” Yoongi swiveled his chair, facing Hoseok with an eyebrow raised.
“Me? Nice?” He scoffed. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m just pitying you, and you won’t shut up about the damn park. So I’ll go to shut you up. Also moping doesn’t suit you. You’re not allowed to mope.” Hoseok shook his head.
“Hyung, you know that’s impossible, right?” Yoongi didn’t respond. Of course it was. “Everyone mopes around, not everyone can be happy all the time. I can’t even manage it. So I pretend to be happy so everyone around me is.”
Yoongi’s throat was dry but still he managed to speak. “You shouldn’t have to do that. You shouldn’t give yourself up for other people. You should focus on yourself more than anything.”
Hoseok grinned at Yoongi. “Hyung, you should really speak for yourself on that.” Hoseok looked like he was going to stop there, but he continued after a pause. “All the volunteer work? Study groups? Helping Namjoon out no matter what the hour? Always willing to give me a song if I desperately need one, and if you don’t have one you force yourself to write? God, hyung, don’t lecture me on this if you’re going to be a hypocrite.”
Yoongi felt his hands shake a little. “What, do you watch me or something? Damn, that’s a lot of info on my life you got there.” Hoseok’s grin faded a little.
“It’s hard not to notice when you take such good care of people. You’re so dazzlingly bright, so hardworking. You jokingly call yourself a genius, but god, you really must be one because you seem so out of reach,” Hoseok murmured.
Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows. “What does that mean?” Hoseok shook his head and stood up. “Hey, Hoseok! What does that mean?”
Hoseok ruffled Yoongi’s hair and the elder nearly seethed with anger. “It means you’re amazing, hyung.”
“I’m still your damn hyung! Don’t fuckin’ ruffle my hair like I’m some damn kid! Hey! Come back here!” Hoseok slipped out the door and ran out laughing in an obnoxious tone. “When I next see you I’m going to kill you !”
“Okay, hyung!” Hoseok called back, the laughter coating his words. Yoongi settled back in his chair as the door closed again, a soft smile on his face.
Hoseok had called him amazing. A genius. Ah, shit, who cares he was kind of disrespected right now? That was completely, one hundred percent, okay with him. Because Hoseok ruffled his hair and he has low-key wanted that ever since they met. His smile grew and he jumped around in his seat for a moment, ecstatic, before settling down.
“God, what am I, crazy? Focus, focus, it’s time to work,” he muttered to himself. His attention tried to go back to the song glaring at him from his screen, but instead he let his forehead fall and rest on the desk. He couldn’t focus. Hoseok had disrupted his concentration and he had no idea where he left off at or why. There was just a beat that cut out. What was he doing? He couldn’t remember. It was like a half finished sentence.
Yoongi was in for a long night of just this: trying to finish this damn song.