Chapter Text
A wolf pack is built off of immense loyalty and safety, that’s how they’re bonded together. Packs stick with each other through stressful times and never falter. They're close-knit and there's a stable hierarchy established. There’s something special weaved in their DNA, being born with the mindset to survive and protect who they love. Every wolf belongs to a pack, one they belong in and can find home and refuge in. Packs are family.
Felix’s pack was anything but. He grew up in a toxic, unloving pack that hated him the first chance they got. When he was born, his mother, Chaewon, had died from the lack of care post-birth, and no one had heard of his father since he had gotten Chaewon pregnant. Since being only a month old, he was shunned and neglected. During his young years, he had a wolf who wasn’t much older than him to protect him against the mean wolves in his pack. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. When Felix was 11, the older wolf had ran away one night after a big fight he had with the higher-up Alpha's in their pack. After that, the wolves family had taken Felix in and did their best at trying to raise him despite everything that had happened to him in his short life.
No one has ever spoken of that wolf since, no one ever cared to check in on him when his only friend had up and left without a second thought. Once that wolf had ran away, the way they treated Felix worsened, the older, stronger wolf wasn't there to protect him anymore. The pack hardly recognized him as a being, not a poor orphan pup. He fought for scraps of food, knowledge, and care, the neglect being ingrained into his soul.
Felix spent the next fourteen years of his life in a pack that treated him as an object, an afterthought. The Alphas didn’t teach him how to hunt, Felix had to learn by sneaking out and following the wolves as they went out to hunt. He wasn’t taught how to treat an animal carcass, or how to cook from the Omegas. He’d peek through the cabin's window and watch as the others made mini blankets out of rabbit skin or hide behind the bushes and watch as the others grilled up some fish they caught by hand themselves. And the Beta’s never sat him down and talked about how his body would change and he’d have primal needs once he hits a certain age. That was a very uncomfortable hour crouching behind a tree and listening to a whole sex ed lesson while one of the kids—who is now an Alpha—cried, hearing the things she’d go through during her future heat or rut.
Let’s just say her first rut was a journey.
But while all the other pups younger, older, and his age succeed as wolves and learn how to properly take care of their own mate and pack, Felix was left to waste away and daydream about all the great things he could do if his pack treated him right. Felix would want to be involved in medicine, or maybe he could cook for the Alpha's after a long day of hunting. He just wished to feel useful, not a puff of forgotten breath. When it's late at night, Felix finds himself wondering if things would be different for him if that wolf never ran away. Would he be treated like any other pack member if that older wolf was still here to stick up for him? Would he have spent the time to guide him through life?
However, Felix has made do with the cards he's been dealt. The pack's healer has taken him under her wing and taught him some basic things without the others knowing. He doesn't know nearly half of what he needs to know, but he's at least had some help. Felix has learned to feed himself off of the wild fruit across the woods in their territory, and has snuck leftovers laying about. He's also found a good place further away from camp to relax and talk with the Goddesses and plead them for something, anything better.
Felix likes to sit near the little water fountain that's just an hours walk away from their boarder. The loud rush of water that crashed down onto the rocks and flowed out into a river drowned everything else out and let him sit with his thoughts, let him recollect and push the negative ones as far back as he could push him. He often washed up in the river, too. He wasn't allowed to use the more modern showers because he was "too dirty," and "not worthy." Felix tries his best to find the little light that was left in his life, it kept him motivated to push through the hell he was put in.
While Felix sat out on the side of the waterfall, he liked to think about what the older wolf was up to now. He still has the note the he had left the younger wolf the morning after he left the pack, and read it very often. The ink messily scrawled along the crumpled up paper, words gnawing on Felix’s heart whenever he read it.
"I’m sorry. I’m leaving. I know it’s all sudden but it’s best for me. Look after yourself for me, yeah? You’ll be fine without me, you’re going to grow into a strong, confident wolf, I know you will. Don't let them hurt you, don't let them stop you from becoming the greatest wolf you can be. Maybe if fate wants it, she’ll let us meet again once we’re older. But for now, I have to go my separate ways.
Goodbye Felix.
~Christopher"
God, he misses that wolf, he’d be about 28 now. Felix prays to the highest goddess that after he presents and hopefully gets away from his pack, he can find Christopher, maybe join his pack if he was fortunate enough to find one. Maybe Felix will finally belong somewhere. Maybe Christopher’s pack will teach him how to be a proper wolf and live up to every standard a wolf is held up to from a young age.
Felix gazed out at the sky, admiring the swirl of yellows and purples, the sun setting for the night, the moon crawling up to it's place in the night sky. Night time. Lights out. He needs to go back to camp before they notice he isn't there. If they even do. If it weren't so chilly down near the water, Felix would consider staying here for the night. But his wolf still obeyed his packs rules, and still went to his tent for lights out.
A heavy sigh drowned in the water’s crash, he opened his eyes and bid his goodbyes to the goddesses and shakily stood up on his weak legs. He hasn’t eaten all day, but he did find some leftover fish from last night and secretly ate it as he snuck down to the rock he prays on every night.
Felix took his sweet time walking back up to his tent, thinking about his presentation next week, a time most wolves look forward to, but Felix wants to cry whenever it’s mentioned. Sure, he’s ready to be old enough to leave his pack, if given the opportunity, but he doesn’t want to know what he’s gonna be. He knows he’s gonna be the worst Alpha, Omega, or Beta ever. His pack hasn’t prepared him for anything to live up to any of those titles.
He neared his tent, seeing his Beta neighbor, Taeil, sluggishly moving towards his tent. “G’night Tae…” Felix whispered before ducking into his tent, ready to sleep off the day’s misery, knowing it’ll be replaced with a new one tomorrow. Taeil wasn’t the nicest to him but he never treated Felix like a dirty wolf like the other kids. He let Felix sleep in his tent the night after getting hit by a scary female Alpha. But despite that night, Taeil was still a dick to Felix and never truly cared when he was treated like shit.
“Yeah, sleep well.” Tae responded, tired from his busy day of chores and duties before crawling into his own tent to sleep off the agonizing ache in his back. Felix wishes he could feel drained from being useful to the pack. He might be the only wolf ever to long for chores.
Felix fell asleep to the gross, deep snores from the older Beta, and the echoed sounds of the waterfall drowning his ears. The smell in the air hinted to Felix that it might rain tomorrow, he liked the rain, but he didn’t like storms. Sometimes they got too scary. Christopher always let Felix hide in his arms when it stormed. It was safe there.
He’s definitely an Alpha now... Felix thought as he drifted off to dream land. He’s probably the best Alpha any wolf can ask for.
/- - -/
Another day, another lengthy list of chores they needed to complete: Laundry, because Seungmin slacked and didn't do it this weekend; hunt, they only had a few rabbits, and a small bit of deer left; restock firewood, the end of the summer brought more late nights around the fire as a pack; and Hyunjin had to pick some more herbs for his medicines. They had shit to get done. And, of course, it was a typical hot June day while they had all this to do.
Sweating his ass of, Chan hauled another long log he just chopped down towards their fire pit area. With a thud, he dropped the log and grabbed his ax which was wedged into the scarred stump he uses to cut wood on. Chan exhaled and he swung the ax, chopping off a smaller portion of the log to chop into firewood. He knows he should be taking a break soon, to drink some water and grab one of the sandwiches Minho made this morning before leaving to hunt with Jeongin. Another swing, and the small log was split into two pieces. However, Chan knows the quicker he can get this done, the better. He has an Omega recovering from a heat and other mates who could possibly need a hand with their own chores.
The pile of freshly chopped firewood grew, almost enough to fill up the firewood shed, which he'll stack full once he's done this last log. His biceps ached, sweat clinging to his sun kissed skin as he swung the ax with an ugly, pent up feeling. Something that has been nagging at him for years, but is rearing it's invasive head this week.
A couple nights ago, Chan was awoken in the middle of the night from a nightmare. A face from his childhood haunted him, regret tearing an angry howl from his wolf. He shouldn't let it bother him, it isn't his fault, it isn't anyone's but the gross excuse of pack mates from when he was young. Every memory Chan has with that one wolf won't leave him alone, flashing into his brain as he brings the ax down on the wood. It isn't his fault, it isn't his fault.
"Alpha?"
The soft call brought Chan back to reality. He was in the territory, his, not the old one. And it was Hyunjin talking to him, not the young pup. Chan looked down at the last chunk of log he had, all mangled from his blind swings. He took a couple deep breaths and stepped away from the log.
"Are we okay?" Hyunjn's voice was calm as he stepped towards his Alpha, slipping the dangerous tool out of his trembling hands.
Chan sniffed and looked over at the Beta. "Fine. Yeah, fine." He nodded, trying to convince himself more than Hyunjin. "Is, uh, everything okay?" He asked, wondering why Hyunjin was out here when he was supposed to be inside with a cramping and heat hung over Jisung while making up some new healing concoctions.
Hyunjin nodded, eyes still weary as he gives Chan a once over. "Yeah, Sungie's napping. I just needed to talk to you." He rested the ax against one of the benches that surrounds their fire pit. He took a seat on the bench and patted the space next to him for Chan to sit as well.
"Sure, what's up?" Chan sat next to him, still tense from his outburst. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, and brushed the beads of sweat off his bare chest.
For the slightest moment, Hyunjin was distracted by his mates gorgeousness. But, the thought that has been weighing heavy on his mind quickly fought off any horny distraction.. "Well, I just… has something felt off to you? Like something bad is going to happen, or just, something really big?" He asked, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.
Chan frowned and looked out at the thick mass of trees that populate their territory. Other than his own internal battle, he feels that everyone has been doing exceptionally well this summer. They had visited the Seventeen, and Ateez packs for a week just a little bit ago, a carefree get away. They just got through a smooth heat with Jisung, and Changbin's rut was starting to hit in the next couple of days. Everything seems to be just fine, he thinks. "I don't believe so. Everything feels right. Why do you ask?" He looks over at his younger mate, who's gaze is zoned in on the ash in the fire pit, hands fidgeting.
Hyunjin shook his head slightly. "I don't know. Just… I feel off, I was kind of hoping someone else would feel it." He shrugged with a frown. "It could be nothing."
"Hey." Chan reached over at grabbed Hyunjin's intertwined hands. "You're allowed to feel off. Maybe it's the heat, all the pheromones. The Goddesses could be preparing for because something will happen. Tonight, if you want, you can burn some more essence in the cabin. Would that help?" He asked, trying to get the Beta to look at him.
"It could." Hyunjin nodded and finally looked up at his mate. "Thank you." He whispered.
Chan shrugged with a small smile, and leaned in to give Hyunjin a kiss on the cheek. "No problem, sweetheart."
Hyunjin's already heat-flushed cheeks get redder. He turns his head to hide the blush. "Are you sure you're okay, though? Is your rut coming too that you got so… lost?" He reached up the rub the back of the Alphas neck soothingly.
A ball threatened to form in Chan's throat, and he coughed to get rid of it. "No, it's not that. It's nothing." He dismissed the ache that squeezed at his heart.
The Beta cocked an eyebrow at him. "Hyung, that wasn't nothing. You know you can talk to us, right? We're your mates, and we care about you." His eyes were wide and pleading and he gripped onto Chan's hands.
Chan nodded and gave his worried mate a nod. "I know you do, I do too. It just sucks to think and talk about. I promise to go to one of you whenever I'm ready to talk about it." He told Hyunjin firmly, not wanting to stress the younger wolf out over it for no reason.
Hyunjin sighed. "Okay, I get it. Just, no more cutting wood until it's resolved, yeah?" He joked lightly, kissing the corner of Chan's mouth. "How about you go cool down in the pond with Bin and Minnie while they finish up the laundry? I'll stack the wood." He squeezed Chan's hand before getting up and walking over to the small mountain of wood.
Knowing that Hyunjin won't let him work anymore, he got up and strolled across the territory, past the cabin, to their pond where Changbin and Seungmin were still scrubbing at some bedding from Jisung's heat. He quickly stripped at sat on the pebbles that littered the ponds floor halfway in the water to unwind with his mates and assist with the many baskets of dirtied clothes.