Archive of Our Own

Saki is 6 years old when the idea of going to space is first brought up to her.

She’s lying on the grass with Honami, one of her best friends, in the backyard behind her house and beneath the sea of stars that glimmer and shine above their heads. Every star connects to something bigger, a thread created by little specks of light that are just out of reach despite being millions of miles away from them. The cool night breeze brushes through the surrounding trees and the grass blades beneath their bodies, grazing against their hands and faces as it passes by. The air causes her to shiver a bit, but she disregards it just as quickly as it came and left.

Saki had never considered the idea of going up to space before, not until Honami tells her that someday, she wants to go up to the moon and stars and be able to see them up close. When she tells her that, it prompts the strawberry-blonde girl to sit up and look over at Honami lying down beside her. “Really?” She asks, “Can people really see the stars up close in space??”

“Maybe,” Honami replies with a sheepish smile, as if talking about a dream like this was something more fantasy-esque than reality, “But stars are still super far away when you’re in space.”

“Ehh? But they’re all in space together!” Saki exclaims in disbelief, “How can they still be far away if they’re in space? Isn’t that their home??” The entire idea was confusing in itself- how can something be so far out of reach even if you went to where its home was? She couldn’t make any sense of it, even if she tried. Honami looked confused too- maybe not as much as she was, but still confused nonetheless.

“I don’t know.. Do you think they’re far away for a reason?” The brunette girl muses. The idea prompts the other girl to begin thinking, her finger tapping her chin as she looks back up at the starry sky above. There were a number of different reasons that Saki could come up with to try and answer why that could be.. But none of them really stood out to her except for one.

“Oh, what if they’re shy??” She suggests, which prompts an ‘eh?’ from Honami. “People don’t go into space every day! Maybe that’s why they’re so far away from us!” Saki continues, looking back at Honami as she watches the other sit up as well. It’s a rather silly thought- stars weren’t alive and capable of emotion like they were- but at the time, it made the most amount of sense to Saki. The sparkle that shone in her eyes when she spoke was almost bright enough to rival the star-lit sky itself, Honami notices. Saki continues, “If we go to space someday, maybe we can get them to come closer and stop being so nervous!”

Honami blinks for a moment at the declaration, taking a moment to process everything her friend has just told her before she realizes what she meant by those words. “Huh? Saki, you wanna go to space someday too?” She asks in surprise, not at all expecting her own dream to influence Saki as well. The nod that the other girl gives her only serves to reinforce that feeling.

“Uh-huh!!” The girl nods again, leaning a little closer to Honami beside her as if to emphasize her point. “I wanna go to space with you! And we can meet the stars when we do so they don’t have to worry about being shy or nervous around us!”

It’s outlandish and unbelievable and sounds like something right out of a kids book- but with the sheer certainty in Saki’s voice, it sounded like it was entirely possible for the two girls to accomplish. Maybe that was what gave Honami the strength to agree wholeheartedly.

The following day, whilst sitting around on a tire swing that’s just barely in her reach, Saki is approached by Honami, who carries a new book about space and astronauts with her. A few hours pass, and then they’re measuring their heights on the kitchen doorframe to keep track of when they’ll be tall enough to become proper astronauts in the future.

Saki and Honami are 6 years old when they decide that they’re going to go to space together. 

........................

Saki is 12 years old when she begins to notice that things are starting to move along before she knows it.

A few years have passed since that starry night. The world around her changes in subtle movements, the passing seasons and new leaves being a testament to the march of time. Her dream has stayed the same- as is Honami’s- in the years that have passed. It’s winter again, the snowfall from the cloudy sky traveling wherever the wind guides them to. The streets are covered in fresh snow, bright and untouched and glossed over by the howling breeze.

She sits in her bed, hands atop of the covers and her gaze focused on the window outside. She can vaguely make out her own reflection in the window glass: her hair is longer now, a little past her upper spine with the ends dyed a light pink color. Her face is a bit flushed from a fever, and a cool cloth rests on her forehead.

Oh, right.. She had gotten sick the other day because of the weather.

Bummer. Curse her and her stupidly weak immune system.

Saki sighs dramatically, slumping back against the headboard and pillows behind her. Her gaze drifts away from the window, instead looking around the familiar room she sat in. There wasn’t much she could do, which really brought down her spirits. She’s slept enough, all of her friends were likely still in school at this time, and all she had to accompany her were a couple of familiar animal plushies and the ticking of the clock on the wall.

Forget getting sick. She was just going to die of boredom in her room.

She groans pitifully and slumps further into her bed, head tilted back and eyes now staring up at the boring ceiling above her head. Maybe if she willed for it enough, she could get something to change or for herself to maybe fall asleep again. She wasn’t tired in the slightest, but her options were incredibly limited... And even more so with none of her friends being free to talk right now. Going out into the snow was absolutely out of the question, too.. And that knowledge only served to further dampen her mood.

This whole thing sucked. All she could do was lie in place and stay painfully aware of every single second that passed through her fingers like grains of sand. Or fresh snow, considering the weather outside.

Time passes by agonizingly slowly, and she almost considers bugging Honami by repeatedly messaging her until she responds. Yeah, she’d feel bad about it eventually, but the need to kill her sense of stagnancy prevails over the inevitable remorse that she’d (without a doubt) feel. But just as Saki reaches for her phone to do so, there’s the sound of knocking against her room door.

Was it her parents reminding her to take the medicine again? Maybe they asked her brother to remind her to do so instead? Saki wasn’t too sure. Still, having company was infinitely better than lying around and doing nothing- even if the reason for said company was a medication reminder- so she doesn’t complain and instead calls out to the person on the other side of the door, “It’s unlocked!”

However, instead of seeing a family member walk in like she expected, Saki is instead greeted by a surprise visit from Honami herself, her jacket zipped up and the smallest traces of lingering snow dusting her shoulders and head. She’s gotten taller, she notices, and she’s holding onto a bag as well, its contents unclear to the strawberry-blonde girl. Still though, the fact that Honami made it here to start with was a shock in itself.

“Honami?!” Saki exclaims in disbelief, suddenly getting up from her bed to rush over to her, “How are you here? I thought school wasn’t over yet!”

“They ended the day early due to the weather.” Honami giggled softly, reaching one hand out to steady Saki as she rushed over to her. 

“Wah, seriously?!” The other girl is wide-eyed as Honami nods, and she pouts in response to the confirmation. “Aw man, they only ever do that when I’m not there..”

“It’s almost like they wait for you to be absent to change the day’s schedule...”

“You think so..?! No way!”

The brunette girl laughs softly once again, prompting a huff from Saki. She then guides the both of them to the edge of the bed, sitting down side by side with Honami’s bag in her lap. Saki’s gaze drifts to the bag with a curious glint, wondering what it is that the other girl brought with her this time. Noticing her curiosity, Honami smiles knowingly and reaches into the bag without a word, pulling out a couple of books, some papers, and a couple of pencils as well.

“I was looking through some of the astronomy books I bought a few years ago.. And I ended up finding some about spaceship and rocket designs,” Honami explains, setting the emptied bag aside as she makes some space between the two. She sets the items down in the gap between her and Saki so that she could better see it all. “It might be silly, but seeing as you weren’t here today.. I wanted to stop by and see if you wanted to try and to make our own rocket design again with me? I know we did it before when we were kids, but I don’t really know where that paper is now..”

Admittedly, Saki had no idea where the paper could’ve gone either, but the memory of lying down on the floor of Honami’s bedroom and coloring in a pre-drawn spaceship with her is clear as day in her mind. It almost feels like it was just yesterday when they did so, even when she knows it’s been a couple of years since that little activity. Of course, it wasn’t like they would actually get to decide the interior and exterior design of the rocket when they did go to space, but still, her eyes lit up all over again at the suggestion.

A little dreaming never hurt anybody, after all.

“Honaaa!! You’re a lifesaver!” Saki exclaims in genuine joy, leaning over to the other girl to hug her tightly. Honami yelps a bit in surprise, not having expected the sudden embrace, but she accepts it all the same- even if she is a bit confused at Saki’s sudden thanks.

“What for?” She asks sheepishly.

“I was going to die of boredom in this room...”

“I guess being sick does that to you.”

“More than that! I thought I was going to wither away in my own bed because I had nothing to do..”

“There, there..”

Saki keeps up the act for a moment longer before she bursts into a fit of giggles, pulling back from the embrace and turning her attention back to the books and papers between them. She reaches for a blank one and grabs a random notebook on her desk, using it to hold the paper in her lap as Honami does the same. She watches as the taller girl opens up one of the textbooks she’s brought with her, flipping through the pages and reading through them with her as the two begin drawing and conceptualizing how they’d want their rocket to look.

Again, both of them know that they wouldn’t have this much creative freedom with the rocket they’d take into space, but that wouldn’t stop them from imagining what it could be like. Honami asks about the kinds of food rations they’d bring on board, leading to a bout of teasing from Saki about whether or not apple-pie flavored space food even existed.

It probably didn’t, but it was fun to think about. Maybe they should look that up later.

Their conversations steer from there on, talking about anything and everything relating to the dream of seeing the stars together someday. In a way, it reminds Saki of when they first decided to pursue this dream when they were kids: ambitious, excited, determined.. And even if there were a few roadblocks in their ways, it wouldn’t be anywhere near enough to stop either of them from achieving their dream. The thought of that makes her smile.

Noticing the smile on her face, Honami can’t help but be a bit curious, “Saki?” She asks curiously, “Is something on your mind?”

Saki blinks a few times in turn, pulling her mind from the depths of her memories and looking up from her paper to face Honami. The brunette girl isn’t worried or alarmed- and instead, smiles back at her as she patiently waits.

“No, nothing much!” Saki waves it off, “I’m just really excited for when we get to go into space, Honami. We’re getting closer to our childhood dream, after all!”

It’s funny... All of that time she spent daydreaming and wondering about the future as a kid feels like things that she thought of just yesterday instead of multiple seasons ago. It’s almost jarring to think that the two of them were almost about to graduate from middle school now. However, she doesn’t dwell on it too much, instead turning her attention back to the topic at hand. “Here, I was also thinking we could bring a little memento into space, like one of our phenny plush keychains, or maybe...” She trails off.

Saki and Honami are 12 years old when time begins passing by before either of them know it.

.........................

Saki is 18 years old when she steps into the space station.

Again, time has passed once more. Saki and Honami had graduated from high school, continuing to chase after their dream together during school breaks that were spent chatting and studying and continuing the little tradition of checking each other’s heights on the same kitchen doorframe. Honami was still taller than Saki, something the latter was evidently in disbelief about. She was so certain she’d catch up at some point during their time in high school, but apparently not.. However, it didn’t bother her too much. She still had a lot of time to catch up. She’s had her ups and downs with her health as the two grew older- mostly in the forms of getting sick often or struggling with parts of her body cramping up- but she refused to let that stop her. Not now, not ever.

The world around them has changed as well. The tree with the tire swing by Saki’s house was now far taller, far greater than she would have thought it was when she was a kid. She can’t really reach the tire swing now- curse her impulsivity for asking her parents to put it up on a high branch- but Honami can hold onto it just fine, apparently. The day they both realize this, Saki makes a joke about Honami being tall enough to reach the stars all on her own.

When the memory is brought back up to her, Honami only laughs bashfully and mentions how it wouldn’t be the same if Saki wasn’t there with her.

Their dream of going to space was closer now, practically in their reach- the only things separating the two of them from it being the training and selection process to actually become an astronaut. If their childhood selves were to see how far they had come now, she was certain that they’d be starstruck. 

The thought brings a smile to Saki’s face. They were really going to be able to do it now. The phenny keychain on her bag jingles with a little tune- courtesy of a little bell that had been sewn into its fabric- as she continues moving down the hallways to meet up with Honami. She knows how hard the other girl has been studying and working to become an astronaut- of course she has, she’s the one who introduced the dream to her to start with- and that dedication only spurs her on to work just as hard to achieve the same.

She spots the brunette girl waiting for her at the end of the hallway, a matching keychain visible on her own bag. Saki smiles, waving her arm as she calls out to the other girl, “Heyyy, Hona!” She greets her with a smile, picking up the pace to reach her side.

Honami responds with a quiet “oh!” as she turns to see Saki walking over to her. She smiles and waves back at her, a little more calmly but still just as happy to see her, “Hi there, Saki.”

“Look at you, all ahead of schedule and everything! Are you nervous?” Saki teases with a grin, lightly nudging her elbow against the brunette’s side. Honami shudders and leans back at the touch, but she isn’t made uncomfortable by it.

“A little bit, yes..” She admits with a sheepish voice, “I guess I can’t help it.”

“I get that,” Saki sighs in understanding, leaning against Honami’s side as the two of them stand there together. “You’re gonna kill it out there though, I know it! We gotta give our all to get to the stars, after all.”

The reassurance brings a faint hint of relief to the taller girl, the tension in her body ebbing away as she leans back against the other, “I suppose you’re right.”

Honami watches for a moment as staff members and operators and other people of similar occupations move down the hallways, in and out of rooms- wherever they need to be at the moment. She can already picture herself in a similar position in the future, wandering around the space station and preparing for whatever mission awaited her next... it’s something that makes her jittery and excited all at once.

They were really going to do this. Together. It still feels unreal even after all of this time- and neither of them had even become actual astronauts yet. Honami can only imagine how surreal it’ll be to actually be sent off into space as one. And to do that, they’d have to give the remaining tests their absolute all and more.

The tests have been difficult from the start, after all. Physical tests, medical exams, back-to-back interviews and so much more. It’s taxing on the both of them, but they’ve gotten this far together- in such a selective field, no less- so they had to keep pushing through until the very end, no matter what.

“We should get ready for the next interview,” Honami advises, leaning off of Saki and adjusting her bag, “I want to make sure there’s nothing that we might miss.”

“Aye aye, captain!” Saki retorts with a giggle and a faux salute, causing the other girl to lightly push her in embarrassment. There’s no denying the smile that’s on her face as well as the two begin descending further into the space station.

When they make it to the doors, there’s already a staff member waiting there for other applicants to show up. They notice Honami and Saki arriving ahead of schedule, greeting the two of them and notifying them of the rest of the day’s general events. They would both be interviewed one after the other, being addressed on any physical health, academic, and medical history and what that could mean for them when applying to become astronauts. They both nod in understanding and sit side by side, waiting for the time to pass.

Although Saki doesn’t show it as much as Honami does, she’s just as nervous for this process as she is. Her nerves feel like they’re on fire, even when she tells herself it’s just the reasonable anxiousness of the situation. They had both worked so hard to get here- their entire lives were spent to get up to this moment- and that wasn’t even mentioning the rigorous selection process the two of them were still undergoing. 

Admittedly, she was especially nervous about her performances on the physical and medical exams... she had given them her best possible shot, but still needed to tap out of the physical exams once or twice for the sake of her physical health. It wasn’t a good sign for someone trying to become an astronaut, which only worried Saki even more. She and Honami worked so hard for this.

If anything were to hinder her path now, the path that she had shared with Honami for years.. It would be devastating, no doubt about it.

But amidst all of the anxious thinking, she feels one warm hand slip into her own, intertwining their fingers and squeezing it for some semblance of shared reassurance. Saki blinks in surprise, turning her gaze down to her hand before realizing who was holding onto it: Honami.

She lifts her head up to face the brunette, calling out her name in confusion, “Honami?”

Honami looks back at her at the sound of her name being called, as if she just realized what had happened. “Sorry, I- I didn’t mean to, I saw that you were nervous, and..” She quickly turns away, a hint of embarrassment tainting her voice as she tries to pull her hand away from Saki’s. 

She stops trying when she feels the other girl tighten her hand around her own, effectively keeping it in place. 

Warmth floods from both of their palms. Honami’s eyes widen momentarily as she looks at Saki again, who meets her gaze with a thankful smile.

“Thanks.”

The two of them sit in silence as the first person is called for her interview, their hands staying intertwined as they await their future’s judgement.

----------------

Eventually, it’s Saki’s turn to be called up and discuss her application. Honami was going to be called at some point after her, it seemed.

Just hearing her name being called alone causes her heartrate to hasten in her chest. She can’t deny her nervousness or her excitement, but she does her best to keep it together. Everything that she worked for, everything that she and Honami strived for to make their dream into reality- it all came down to this. This would be the thing that decided everything. To say there wasn’t at least a little bit of pressure would be a massive understatement.

Still, this was something she was going to see through till the end. So with a deep breath and nothing left to lose, she gets up and reluctantly lets her hand fall out of Honami’s grasp as she begins walking towards the doors. She looks over her shoulder before she does, watching Honami mouth a quick ‘good luck’ to her with a smile.

She smiles back, takes in a deep breath, and prepares to face the music.

Walking inside, Saki is greeted by a standard interview office: there’s awards and achievements and other memorabilia on the walls and shelves, showcasing the successes of the space station’s missions and what they were for. In front of Saki is a regular chair, sitting in front of a desk where an old, gruff man sits. 

He looks to be around her dad’s age- maybe a couple of years younger if she had to make a guess- wearing a neat black suit. A computer monitor sits to his right, and in front of him sits an opened binder of applications. And if Saki were to, again, guess whose application was currently visible to him, it was her own.

“You must be Tenma,” the man observes from his seat. Saki nods in confirmation, prompting a deep huff from him as he gestures to the empty chair across from the desk, “Please take a seat.” She does.

“My name is Yoshiki Shindou. I’ll be evaluating your application and test results so far.” He introduces himself, briefly turning his attention to the nearby computer monitor to pull something up.

Saki nods again, “Thank you, Mr. Yoshiki.”

The older man only huffs in turn- a common habit of replying, it seems- and turns his attention down to the application binder before facing the strawberry-blonde girl directly. “Out of all of the tests you’ve taken so far to qualify as an astronaut, your best results show in group efforts and showcasing willpower,” He reads off with a thoughtful tone, continuing to read through the electronic results, “Although, you show to be a bit lacking in proper emotional communication.”

Ouch, Saki thinks. However, she says nothing outright, continuing to listen intently as her results are read back to her.

“You have the needed academic qualifications, and have shown to pass the knowledge exams as well.” Shindou continues reading the results, nodding to himself as his eyes shift between the candidate in front of him and the monitor screen.

Honestly, this felt more like a regular evaluation than an actual interview. Saki was a little surprised, but it’s quickly diminished as she’s asked a question.

“You’re applying to become an astronaut with another one of the candidates, correct?” He asks her with an almost tentative tone, masked by the deep pitch of his voice. However, the question alone is enough for the girl’s head to lift up in surprise.

“Oh- yeah, I am!” She answers rather quickly, her hands interlaced together in her lap. She cringes a bit at the casualness of her tone- she didn’t mean to sound like she was talking to a friend instead of someone in a respectable position- and is just as quick to clear her throat and compose herself before reiterating her answer, “Ahem- yes, I am. I applied to become an astronaut with a childhood friend of mine, Honami Mochizuki.”

For a moment, she almost brings up the detail of it being their childhood dream since they were kids, but she holds her tongue back. Unnecessary details wouldn’t make the space station more inclined to make her an astronaut by proxy- they needed people who gave it their all to be able to pilot the rockets. She could only do her best to prove that to them without getting into the backstory of it all.

The answer she gives to Shindou strangely doesn’t elicit any sort of response from him, instead directing him to look at the application and test results one more time before he sighs deeply. It almost sounds like he was hoping that that wouldn’t be what Saki answered with- something that worries her when she notices it.

“..Between the two of you, you’re the only one with extensive medical history, correct?”

Saki can feel the air grow taut around them. For a moment, she almost wants to lie and say ‘no’, regardless of how futile the action will ultimately be. He quite literally had the records, physical, and medical exam results right in front of him, it would be useless to blatantly say that she didn’t have any medical history. But a part of her fears what the answer will be when she says yes. So she keeps quiet for a few moments longer, a childish and desperate attempt to prolong whatever news awaited her.

However, it’s no use, and she hears Shindou let out a deep, weary sigh as his next few words break the silence of the office room.

“Unfortunately, due to your medical history, as well as your performance in the physical exams and the needed interventions as a result.. you are disqualified from becoming an astronaut for the sake of personal health and safety.”

And in that very moment, it feels like the entire world has fallen away.

Saki is 18 years old when her entire dream shatters right in her own two hands.

.........................

Time passes again. Saki is 19 years old now. The seasons have changed just as they usually do, bringing the space station into autumn. It’s a few months before Honami’s birthday in late October.

Saki hasn’t said a word about her failed dream to Honami. She doesn’t think she’d ever forgive herself if she did. Honami didn’t deserve to lose her childhood dream just because the person she inspired lost it too. After all, she was the one who held that wish of going to space to start with- Saki was merely inspired by her, going on with it on a whim and truly believing that the two of them would make it up there someday.

It’s painful to know that such a thing would never come true in this lifetime.

But regardless of the lonely nights she spent in secluded mourning, wishing that things were different- that she was different- there was nothing to do. And she realized that, even if she couldn’t go to space with Honami as an astronaut, she could at least get her up there.

That bittersweet thought is what kept Saki going. She kept this a secret from Honami- who was going through the last few instructions and meetings before she could go into space as a proper astronaut- and applied to the same space station a second time. Only this time, Saki would be one of the scientists that was in charge of launching the rockets for space missions.

She got the position. 

And here she was now, moving down hallways with papers and notes as she spoke with another worker on the upcoming launch. They were sending Honami to space to deal with something- paired with two more experienced astronauts just to be safe- and Saki was in charge of the launch itself. It was a lot of weight on her shoulders- especially because this was her childhood friend leading it- so she wanted to do everything she could to make sure this succeeded.

All while keeping Honami in the dark of their shattered dream.

The space scientist did feel horrible for doing so- and for an entire year, no less- but she couldn’t get herself to tell Honami about what happened. She knew that she should at some point- Honami would find out eventually, after all- but she didn’t know if she had the courage to. It was difficult as is to keep quiet about this- she was certain she was suspecting something was wrong by now- but actually telling her felt like another impossible feat entirely.

Saki is too caught up in her thoughts to realize that the scientist beside her is calling her name. It’s only when the other raises their voice just a little louder that she snaps back to reality. “Huh?”

“I said, are you alright?” The scientist beside her, a girl named Shiho, asks again, gazing over at the other with a somewhat worried glint in their eyes. “You’ve been zoning out more and more ever since you took charge of this next launch.”

“Oh- yeah, yeah, I’m okay!” Saki quickly reassures, waving her free hand in front of her as the other holds onto folders and papers alike. “I guess I’m just jittery because this is my first actual launch.. You can’t help but get all nervous and focused, y’know?”

Shiho narrows their eyes, not fully believing Saki’s words. It’s a reasonable explanation, but something told them that it wasn’t the full truth. Before they can say anything about it, however, they watch as the other scientist begins picking up the pace.

“You better keep up, Shiho!” Saki calls out, “Or else we’re gonna start the launch without you!”

Shiho scoffs and picks up the pace despite their next words, “We’re not even doing it today..”

“Still! We can’t give it our all if we’re late!”

----------------

Hours and minutes all blend together in the next few days. Long days mix in with late nights spent working and double-checking and making sure everything was in order. Before anybody knows it, the day of the rocket launch is already here.

To say Honami was nervous was an understatement. However, she was also brimming with joy. This has been her dream for the longest time- to be able to fly into space and actually see the stars and planets and everything that floated between them- and here she was, gearing up for the very moment she had waited and worked for years to reach.

She takes a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart as she secures the astronaut suit around her body. The other two astronauts she would be going with- a girl named Ichika and another named Kohane- double-checked her suit to make sure that it was secured and that everything was in order. Honami does the same for them as well.

Despite her nervousness and excitement, a part of her couldn’t help but feel a little down that Saki wasn’t here with her. This wasn’t to say that Kohane and Ichika weren’t great teammates- not at all!- but still, Honami couldn’t help the twinge of sadness in her heart that she wasn’t doing this with Saki.

Saki had been.. Strange, lately. Not just lately, but for the past year or so. She always brushed it off with lighter remarks: saying it was because of the weather, or that she had just been really swamped with work lately as an astronaut trainee. It was even more strange since they barely ever saw each other in the space station’s hallways or sessions, but the strawberry-blonde girl always said it was a matter of conflicting schedules. 

She still lamented the lack of free time the two of them had to hang out. Honami did, too. But the two of them understood why that was.

Caught up in her own thoughts and worries, Honami doesn’t notice that Kohane is trying to tell her something. It’s only when Ichika taps her shoulder that she snaps back into reality. She looks at the shorter girl apologetically, not having meant to tune her out. “Sorry, Kohane..”

Kohane only shakes her head in turn, holding her helmet in her arms. Honami could’ve sworn she saw some sort of sticker on its side- it looks like one of a hamster?- but it’s quickly forgotten as Kohane spoke, “It’s okay! Um, don’t apologize for getting nervous right now.. It’s usually like that before a launch.” The reassurance brings some relief to Honami’s jittery heart, “I just wanted to tell you that they’re calling us over to the rocket now.” She points to a couple of employees by two large doors. “Are you coming?”

“Oh, uh- yes, I will,” Honami quickly confirms, looking around for a moment. “You two can go on ahead without me, I’ll grab my helmet and meet you two out there.”

Ichika and Kohane both nod in understanding, looking at one another before briefly waving to Honami. Honami waves back as she watches the two step outside, securing the helmets over their heads as they prepare to step into the rocket. The light of the outside world is blinding, flooding into the room for a few fleeting moments before the doors close again.

Honami lets out a deep sigh, feeling her body loosen beneath the astronaut suit. She would join them as soon as she could, it was just a matter of locating the helmet and getting herself together. She didn’t see it anywhere in the room, oddly enough. Why was that the case? Ichika’s and Kohane’s were both in here, so surely hers was somewhere here as w-

“Looking for this?”

The inquiry of a familiar voice causes Honami to turn her head around, watching as a familiar, strawberry-blond girl walks in with the previously missing helmet in her arms. 

“Sorry, I wanted to borrow it for a little while.” She smiles at the astronaut as she steps closer, handing the helmet over to her, “I needed to make some last second adjustments before anybody else saw me.” Her explanation is tinged with a hint of playfulness, something that leaves Honami wondering what it is Saki actually did. She doubts she’d do anything to sabotage the suit. Looking over the helmet in her hands, she notices how the sides are decorated with a couple of custom stickers that aren’t from the space station.

“They’re cute, right?” Saki asks with that same smile, nudging Honami’s side with her elbow. The taller girl looks down at the helmet for a few more moments before huffing fondly, a small smile playing at her own lips.

“I wonder how you managed to pull this off to start with..” She muses, now turning her head to face the other girl. It’s only then where she realizes that the uniform Saki had on wasn’t like the trainee astronauts at all. In fact, it looked a lot like the ones the space station’s staff wore, paired with a long white lab coat and some glasses.

It’s.. very confusing. Saki seems to pick up on this detail, too, but she quickly begins moving on before Honami even gets the chance to think of what to say to her, “Anywaaays.. That’s enough waiting around,” She walks towards the two doors from across the room- the ones leading to the rocket itself- and opens them, allowing for the light to flood back in. “Come on. Somebody’s gotta lead the rocket, right?” She looks back at Honami with a smile, but it looks strained against the sunlight outside.

Honami’s mouth opens to say something, but her words fall short. She slowly steps forwards, walking alongside Saki as the two of them begin approaching the rocket together.

The sunlight is harsh above them, filling up the blue, cloudless sky. The brunette astronaut raises her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, following behind Saki as the two slowly approach the open lift together. This was it. This was the very moment Honami had been working her entire life for. This was her childhood dream, her wish for the longest time- her dream and wish that she shared with Saki for years- and here they were.

And still, something felt.. Wrong. Like something wasn’t right.

It’s only when the two of them step onto the lift that Honami knows that this was her only chance to bring it up. The platform slowly whirrs to life as the latter presses a few controls with precision, making sure that nothing was messed up or faulty. When it begins to slowly ascend, that’s when the astronaut asks.

“Saki.. something isn’t right here.”

Saki looks over at her quizzically. “What do you mean?” Truthfully, she already knows what it is. She’s known for a year now. And still, it hurts to have to acknowledge it in their final meeting for the foreseeable future.

Honami looks down at the metal floor beneath her boots, hesitant for a single moment. But she knows she doesn’t have much time. “Your uniform.. It’s the space scientist uniform, isn’t it..? And they wouldn’t have an astronaut trainee activate the lift like this..” She sounds like she’s second-guessing herself, like she’s already realized the truth and is still hoping that it isn’t true.

The bittersweet look in Saki’s pink eyes tells her to continue. She already knows what’s next.

“..did they drop you from the selections?”

“..More than that.” The words are bitter on Saki’s tongue. Her hand tightens on the lift railing as they continue to move up, her gaze turning away from Honami’s own. “I won’t be able to go up to space with you. Ever.”

Honami could have sworn she heard her own heart shattering in her chest at the news. Her eyes widened with disbelief, her gaze focused on Saki even when she didn't look back at her. “..what..?”

“I.. I won’t be able to go with you like I promised.” Saki repeats, her grip on the railing tightening even further as they slowly reach the top. She was running out of time. “I spoke to Mr. Yoshiki that day- when we had another one of our interviews- he said I had to be disqualified from ever becoming an astronaut because of my health and performance.”

The explanation only seems to break her heart further. She couldn’t have imagined how Saki had felt in that moment- she can’t imagine it- all of that time spent working so hard to achieve a shared dream, all shattered in a single moment because of something out of either of their control.

“After that, I.. I figured that if I couldn’t go and see the stars with you, the least I could do is get you up there.” The scientist attempts to smile, but it's strained and bittersweet. She’s just as hurt as Honami is- if not a thousand times more- and Honami hates it.

“This is your dream, after all.” It’s a weak attempt at reassuring both herself and the girl beside her. Going to see the stars had always been Honami’s dream. Saki was merely inspired by it. So this was okay, right?

Then why did they hate this outcome so terribly?

The lift finally reaches to the rocket’s entrance at the top, coming to a halt on its own. The wind howls quietly around them, bushing against their faces as the bridge of their final conversation lies ahead of them. This was the moment the two of them dreamt of since they were kids.

But now, only one of them was going to be able to achieve the dream that was attached with it. The other one wasn’t.

“I.. Saki, I don’t understand..” Honami pleads out, her voice soft enough for only Saki to hear, “This has been our dream for the longest time. It was always meant for the two of us. Why- Why didn’t you say something back then..?” She didn’t understand any of it at all.

“If I did.. I would’ve ruined everything you worked so hard for.” Saki explains, her eyes never meeting Honami’s. The wind brushes past them once more. “I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t take your dream away from you when you wanted it for so long.”

“That’s..!” The astronaut feels like her very chest is twisting in pain. This wasn’t right. None of this was right at all. She never wanted Saki to feel this way, never in her life had she ever wished for an outcome like this. “Saki, that’s not true..! Nothing would’ve changed, I-” Her words fall short. What was she even supposed to say?

Saki seems to notice her faltering resolve, her conflicting thoughts going to war with one another in her own head. Her bittersweet smile stays on her face all the while, and she starts to try and guide Honami over in the direction of the rocket itself. Their shoes move forwards in an uneven rhythm, the metal material echoing quietly as they do.

“..it’s okay,” It’s not, but Saki lies anyway for the sake of her friend, “Helping you achieve your childhood dream is more than enough for me.” It’s not, but Saki forces the words out anyways. It’s selfish, but the last thing she wants to do is rob her friend of this moment.

Honami stops her attempts, one arm still carrying the helmet whilst the other reaches out to grab the scientist’s wrists. The suit’s material meets warm skin. It’s only then where Saki looks up, and sees the taller girl’s eyes shining with unshed tears.

“..all I ever wanted.. All I ever needed was to stay with you. The both of us, together, at each other’s sides..”

And oh, Saki has to do her best not to start crying now, either. She sniffles weakly, trying her best to keep her smile intact as she guides her wrists out of Honami’s grasp. Her expression wavers slightly, but she refuses to let it falter at this moment.

“..silly..” She mumbles out wetly, rubbing her own eyes behind her glasses before reaching up to try and do the same for Honami. The astronaut was still taller than her by a few inches, prompting the scientist to go up onto her toes to reach her face. “..we’re still going to be together, you know..? No matter where we are.”

It’s unclear how much Saki believes in her own words. She doesn’t really know herself. All she knows is that, no matter what happens up there, she hopes that her statement stays true for the both of them.

A buzz from a small walkie-talkie in Saki’s coat pocket catches her attention, and she pulls her hands away from Honami’s face in order to see what it’s about. A firm voice on the other side- likely another space station scientist- signals to Saki that it was time to prepare for the actual launch. Their time together was up for the foreseeable future.

The scientist nods in turn- though she knows that the person on the other line can’t see it- and shuts off the walkie-talkie, placing it back into her pocket before looking at Honami one final time. “...I guess that’s it, then.” She points out with a wavering smile, her own eyes glassy with tears that betray her true feelings. She didn’t want to say goodbye like this. She didn’t. There was still so much she still wanted to say to her, so much that she wished happened instead of what actually did- but there’s no use now.

Saki takes one step away from Honami, watching her conflicted expression for a few more moments before she fully turns around, returning to the lift and preparing to descend. Her back stays turned to the astronaut, even when she hears Honami’s footsteps fade away and into the rocket. A part of her knows that if she turned around, she would’ve never let that rocket launch at all.

When she hears the rocket’s entrance close, that’s when she descends back down.

The rest of the time spent preparing the rocket for the initial launch passes by in a blur. Saki moves around the control room, addressing the other scientists that are a part of the launch and double-checking every last system and function to make sure everything was in order.

Honami sits in the cockpit with Ichika and Kohane. The three of them checked and secured their respective sections to make sure they were ready for the imminent launch. The former two double checked everything to make sure they didn’t skip over anything important.

The minutes slowly ticked away as both teams worked in tandem, checking in on one another over the intercom to ensure that everything was in working order. Soon, there were only the last ten seconds until the launch.

One of the staff members calls out the countdown, and the air grows taut with anticipation. Everybody is in position, and it all comes down to the most crucial of timings. One wrong move or call could be devastating. The last three seconds are counted down, and the timer to liftoff hits 0.

“Ignition.”

The rocket outside roars to life, burning fuel as smoke pours from the boosters. Fire burns from within, pushing the three astronauts higher and higher into the sky. Seconds pass, then a few minutes, and through the screen, the staff all watch as the space rocket successfully shatters the atmosphere and reaches into the first waves of space itself.

The room erupts into cheers and applause. Saki’s gaze stays focused on the sight of the rocket going further and further away, drowned out by the sound of the room around her. 

They did it. They really did it. Honami had accomplished her everlasting dream of reaching the stars. She did it, even without Saki at her side.

Saki is 19 years old when she bids farewell to her childhood best friend.

.........................

A few months have passed since the initial launch. Saki is still 19 years old. It’s been a few days since Honami’s birthday on October 27th. She’d have turned 19, too. Saki wonders if she celebrated her birthday in space. What would that be like? She’s not too sure.

It’s a late night at the space station again. Those had grown increasingly common ever since the launch date, with Saki often staying a little past midnight to finish the last of her work. It usually led to her being woken up at her desk, having fallen asleep at some point during her efforts. Tonight was no different. She at least makes sure to apologize to the poor worker who has to wake her up and let her know that she should probably get going now. She leaves without a second thought, grabbing her bag and something she was working on as she leaves the building.

The train ride back home is quiet, as it usually is. It’s late at night, after all, not many people that took the train at this hour had the energy to chat or do much else. She doesn’t really mind the quiet- it’s quite tranquil, really. The sound of the passing scenery and the train rumbling against the track create a quiet symphony of background noise, and Saki has to wake herself back up more than once just so she avoids missing her stop.

It’s around 1 AM by the time she’s back home. The world around her is bathed in hues of dark blue and purple, interrupted by the specks of white light that glitter over her head. The world is dead quiet, save for the occasional passing car and the chirp of a nighttime insect to accompany her own footsteps against the pavement beneath her feet. Approaching the front door, her eyes briefly drift over to the tire-swing tree beside her house. 

Somehow, the rope and tire are still there, having withstood years of weather and wear without coming apart. It’s strangely impressive, even when the tire remains out of her reach. The space scientist doesn’t dwell on it further as she takes out her keys, unlocking the door and stepping inside. She doesn’t bother to turn the lights on as she slips her shoes off, instead making her way to the kitchen to get some water before she heads to her room.

The soft moonlight illuminates the kitchen doorframe as she enters, shedding light on the tiled floor and years worth of markings on the doorframe. As she fills a glass cup with water, her tired pink eyes briefly drift over to the aforementioned marks, remembering how she and Honami always compared heights to see when they were tall enough to become astronauts. The last time they checked was months ago, when Saki had gotten accepted to become a scientist rather than an astronaut. Out of nothing more than curiosity, she leaves the cup on the counter momentarily to check her own height after all of this time.

Saki stands against the doorframe, using her finger to check her height. When she turns around, she sees that she is just as tall as Honami now.

Her hand drops down to her side as she stares at the doorframe marks for a while. When she moves again, she’s completely forgotten about the glass of water she came for.

The space scientist walks up the staircase and enters her room. She drops her bag by the doorway- she’ll pick it up in the morning- and moves to sit down at her desk. She sets down the mini project she had been working on, reaching over to the nearby lamp to be able to see it better. 

It was a small tramsitter-satelite.. Thing. She didn’t really know what to call it. It was essentially a downscaled intercom that she could (hopefully) use to try and contact those in space. It had taken a long while of working and adjustments, especially for the matters she was less experienced in understanding. Asking some of her co-workers for help was a bit risky, but she figured that it would be worth it in the end. The favors she had to do in turn were exhausting when they were on a grander scale, but she didn’t dwell on them for too long.

She reconnects the wires together, plugging it in and making minor tweaks and adjustments to its functions. She had no idea if this would even work, let alone reach wherever Honami was in space- but she still wanted to try. No matter how much her eyes nearly closed or how much her body ached for rest, her mind was hellbent on completing at least this much. She wanted to complete this much before she dozed off.

Her head hung low as she tried to find the remaining energy to finish the adjustments. Her vision blurred with exhaustion, her hands grew more lax with each minute that passed. But Saki refused to fall asleep again- not before she knew for certain if it worked or not.

She shuts off the lamp to better see the two lights attached to the communicator-slash-transmitter-satelite thing- she really needs a better name for it- and reaches over to a small switch at its base to turn it on. A red light comes to life as she does so, glowing whenever she speaks and going dark when she doesn’t. She turns the object towards the window, reaching over to open it with some extra force. Her limbs were agonizingly sore, but she still forces herself to get it open.

The nighttime breeze greets Saki once again as she sits back down, a quieter howl compared to most autumn nights. She stares out to the night sky beyond the open window, to the millions of little stars that danced across the ballroom drenched in dark hues of blue, purple, and black. Somewhere beyond that nighttime layer was Honami.

“Mochizuki, do you copy?” Saki questions softly, as if she were afraid of waking up an invisible tennant in her own home. The red light glows for a few moments in response to her voice before going dark again. The receiving light beside it, a blue one, stays dark. It’s quiet for a few moments.

She tries again, a little clearer this time, “...Mochizuki, do you copy?” Again, there’s no indication of a response. The scientist deflates a bit at that, crossing her arms on the wooden desk and resting her head on top of them. She stares at the device beside her in the darkness of her room as she waits for any sort of sign that it worked. There was still nothing.

“...Honami..? Are you there?” She tries a third time, her voice having dropped to a quiet whisper. 

Her hope fizzles out with her energy as she sees that the blue light had yet to turn on even once. Maybe she had to go back to the drawing board tomorrow and start again from scratch. This was no good, no matter how much she wished for it to be enough to reach Honami.

Saki’s eyes are glossy, but no tears form or fall from them. The effects of multiple late and sleepless nights are catching up to her, and she figures that she’ll work out all of the hard parts when she has some more energy in herself. She doesn’t bother to try and turn the device off, letting her eyes slip shut instead as she begins drifting off to sleep at her desk.

. . . . . . .

“Hello? Is anybody there?”

..who’s voice was that..?

“This is Mochizuki Honami calling in. Is anybody there?”

Saki groans quietly at the sound of a voice buzzing in from nearby. She doesn’t know how much time has passed- if she had to guess, it wasn’t much, seeing as it was still the dead of night outside- but the faint glow of a blue light from nearby catches her attention almost immediately.

“Hello..?? Is anyone on the other end?”

Saki’s eyes widened in disbelief. Was she dreaming? How long had this been going on for? Had the transmitter actually worked? Was this real?

“..Hona..?”

Saki is 19 years old when she hears her friend’s voice again, regardless of the distance between them. Honami is 19 years old when she learns that her friend had been working all this time to try and stay connected to her.

Saki and Honami are both 19 years old when they realize that, no matter the distance between them, they would still be together.