Archive of Our Own

Most people didn’t know the sensation of brinks of ice brushing off their face. The touch of a cold icy surface on bare fingertips. The itch of a glittery costume on sweaty skin. The obsession of repeating a song over and over until it penetrates their brains. 

Wonbin knew how all that felt; not only did he know but he lived off it. Glittery costumes were his 9 to 5 suit and the crisp ice rink was the second home he learned to call his before he could settle fully into his own back in Ulsan. He glided on the ice with the ease of breathing, executing his routine with the same sharpness that was expected from the watching and calculative eyes of his coach. His program was reaching its peak. He could feel it in his lungs and the ache of his leg muscles, fatigue was his enemy in the last minutes of his choreography. 

As Henry Macini’s “Lujon” resounded around the arena he could only hear the echo of the music alongside the cheering of the crowd. 

He lands his quadruple flip. The crowd vibrates in a union of Ohh’s. 

The main story line of his program was sensuality. He moved smoothly on the ice as he raised his arms above his head and lowered them down with the rhythm of the music, throwing his head back and feeling his sweaty hair cool in the moving air. The rink is mine, Wonbin thought. He was the one to seduce the crowd and trap them in his charm. That was his appeal. That was his goal. 

He prepared himself for the last part, his face serious and concentrated. 

A Biellmann spin; twisting himself in a 360 at maximum speed, then his final pose; hands pointing to the sky and his back curved, throwing his torso forwards in a pose resembling one of a swan. The public paused speechless in the last seconds, then, the explosion of cheers and screams followed. Once he came out of his trance he could feel the reality strike completely. His heaving chest and rosy cheeks glimmered against the reflection of the bright lights. He looked around in awe and saluted his audience as they throwed black cat shaped plushies to the rink where he stood. Wonbin knew he had done it; he had captivated his public and in response they showed their love back. As he waved his hands bidding goodbye to his moment of spotlight, he spotted amongst all the fluffy gifts a special intruder. He picked it up and smelled it, a smile popping on his face. He knew who that rose belonged to and he knew the silent message it sent. “I’m here for you” It let his heart grow with magnitude inside of him. 

Stepping out of the rink his manager went to wrap him in an immediate and proud hug. 

“That was your best so far!” he screamed and Wonbin bowed his head whipping off his sweat with the provided tissue. He had hoped those words could really be true. This was the decisive moment of his competition and it would determine if he could step up to the final part or if the title of “failure” would hang over his neck and permit the media to burn him alive. Before he could punish himself over small mistakes, two wide arms enveloped behind him in a warm and secure hold. Wonbin melted into it in a millisecond. 

He rubbed over the person's hair with his free hand and let their full lips kiss his warmish and tender cheeks. Wonbin sighed with relief. 

“You really are amazing hyung,” Chanyoung whispered softly in his ear. 

Wonbin chuckled and turned around to meet his eyes. 

“Like alot?” he asked, his hands finding themselves behind the taller’s neck playing with the ends of his brown strands. Chanyoung nodded and laid a soft peck on his lips. Wonbin raised the rose to brush on his lover’s nose in glee, this one scrunched his neb going along with his play. They exploded into soft laughter, forgetting momentarily of the world around them. Wonbin’s coach called to him and Chanyoung followed behind offering his hand on his shoulder in encouragement. Scoring was the moment that got him the most nervous and he knew it. 

Wonbin was the figure skater representing South Korea in the Winter Olympic’s short program. If he manages to get a high score he will have the opportunity to move on to the men's single finale free skate. He will be able to win. Sitting beside his managing coach and his choreographer, waiting for the score board, made his heart beat faster than it did at the end of his set some minutes ago. His legs shook from anxious wait and he played with his rose’s soft petals and one of the ears of a plushie he had picked up from the ground to keep himself distracted as he knew he had a camera fixed on him. His manager kept calculating which points he could’ve lost and it wasn’t helping him calm down. The board appeared and he held his breath. 

Park Wonbin (South Korea): 103.08 points.

He qualified. 

“Ahhhhh!!” his manager stood from his chair and screamed in joy, fist clenched up in the air. He held him from his shoulders and shook his body, repeating how he “did it”. Wonbin could only feel his taut muscles relax after all the tension they had carried, his brain couldn’t process yet how he had managed to reach that far. Based on how the board ranking went he was positioned second place at the moment, right below Osaki Shotaro from Japan. In the distance he could hear the screams of the people that had been waiting with the same rigidness for his scoring. Before he could even cry out of relief he hugged his manager and choreographer and ran to the side, Chanyoung waiting for him with a wide smile and open arms. His face buried deep on his neck as he jumped up and down lightly on his lover’s embrace. 

“Congratulations. I knew you would make it” Chanyoung swayed them from one side to the other as he kept his tight hold on Wonbin; as if the glory of achievement could make his beloved slip from his arms like butter. He let a few tears slip of his eyes, swiping them off once the camera's lenses focused over to him. Korean and international reporters approached him with their microphones, a series of questions ready for him. 

“Park Wonbin, how does it feel that you’re leading Korea to their gold medal?” 

“Do you think you will be able to stay on the podium for the free skate program?” 

“Why did you decide to add a triple axel? How did it feel to manage to land it safely?”

He sighed looking over at the articles with pictures of him in his black and silver costume. Setting his phone down he squished his face between his hands and pouted. He always avoided looking at the commentaries and online reviews after his performances. Even if the majority were from his fans showing support.

“I’m not hungry,” he said to his boyfriend. Chanyoung looked at him with concern. They sat in a restaurant near the Olympic stadium, it was supposed to be his well earned meal after executing such a hard program. His boyfriend’s treat, of course, but he was getting tired of the foreign food and was starting to get homesick and craved Korean food really badly, which made him think more of his parents back home and their text messages on the family group chat. 

“Hyung, you should at least eat a little. Your body is tired and needs energy” Chanyoung claimed. Wonbin pouted even more and shook his head looking down at his plate. His boyfriend sighed and picked up his fork to feed him his food, his mouth opened in automatic motion, letting the other guide the contents in him. Chanyoung and Wonbin had been together for six years at that point, their relationship had grown so serious to the state that Chanyoung accompanied him all the way to Milan just to be by his side; not because he didn’t trust Wonbin, but because he knew his boyfriend needed him to take care of him and keep his mind out of stress and troubles. He was the only person Wonbin trusted enough outside of his manager; trusting him enough to even let him shove a chunk of salad in his mouth and wipe the dressing off his lips. He chewed over the food out of costume, just swallowing but not enjoying it. His mind was somewhere else. 

“Now that you’ve eaten something. Would you like to tell me what's on your mind?” his boyfriend asked, gently brushing the hair of his face and pushing it behind his ear. 

Obviously he wouldn’t be able to hide his uneasiness from him. Wonbin inhaled and pressed his lips, thinking of the exact emotion he was feeling so he could convey it with words. “I feel a lot of pressure now.”

“You think that will affect you on your set?” 

He shrugged. 

“I don’t know, but I think my manager will start to push me even harder” 

His golden star necklace shined with the reflection of the evening light peeking through the restaurant’s windows. He fidgets with it as he speaks and thinks as his other hand gets taken and rubbed with Chanyoung’s larger one. The fit was perfect, and it let him ease for a while. Sometimes he wonders what he would do without his boyfriend by his side and honestly, he would rather continue living in the universe where he exists in because he knows that in the other ones, where the younger is not beside him, would feel colder and more painful than a bad landing on hard ice.

“You will do well hyung, just don’t pressure yourself. I will be with you and talk to your coach if he gets too intense” Chanyoung calmed him down with simple statements, a firm and secure assurance that he will handle anything rough for him to continue with the same flow until his last competition. 

Outside of the restaurant they held each other with interlinked fingers, swinging their arms backwards and forwards, Wonbin’s own aching from the intense workout he had done beforehand. He rested his head on Chanyoung’s shoulder as they looked over at a group of tourists on the other side of the road and chortled over a series of stories from their traveling escapades or times when they had to flight for international competitions; Wonbin for figure skating and Chanyoung for swimming. They were known in the sports media for being the “S&S couple”, a name respectively given to them for their physical practices. Though completely different, they complemented each other in other ways that made more sense to them than could for anyone else. 

Back at Chanyoung’s hotel room he watched over the video recording of his performance that had been uploaded on social media. He analyzed where he lost points and what mistakes he had made. His coach texted him with a list of corrections he had to practice over until the day of his final competition. Wonbin felt the coercion of being the only one in his team to have ranked so high; carrying an entire country's reputation and recognition on his back. The doom and preoccupation of pressure came back over him. He clenched his jaw as he thought about his preparation for his second program, only letting go of his tight closed teeth when he saw Chanyoung step out of the bathroom freshly washed and sporting his pajamas. He smiled at him and closed his eyes when he reached over to kiss his forehead. 

“Come sleep with me Hyung” he murmured, trailing kisses over his face. Wonbin giggled and raised his hands to push him away–no strength being put behind the action as he enjoyed the love attack of his lover on him. 

“You know I have only slept three nights in my room at the villa,” Wonbin stated and Anton laughed loudly. His roommate and team partner Sion had said how good it felt to have the room all for himself since Wonbin was too preoccupied on being a “Lover boy” to even sleep in his assigned room. Sion had turned the double bed dorm into a one-big-size personal paradise. God only knows how many people had ended up in that bed with him since the start of the event. His manager surely had complained about Wonbin sleeping out of the Olympic villa and even warned him that if he was going to stay with his boyfriend he wasn’t allowed any sex, directing that message to Chanyoung too with a warning finger. 

Had they had sex? Actually, Wonbin respected his competition rules so, no, they hadn’t. They both suffered over it though. 

Chanyoung rubbed over his waist behind him on the white sheeted bed, breathing in Wonbin’s scent; the same body wash he had used. The intimacy of the shared smell comforted him because even if he didn’t have Chanyoung around at all times, he could still have his smell to accompany him with his silver ring–a gift they shared as a couple’s set. Wonbin talked about childhood memories and small things he had seen that day, his topics neverending and keeping his boyfriend awake with him. Even if he wasn’t as restless as Wonbin, he made sure to not let exhaustion take over him until Wonbin closed his eyes and breathed with calm, then he would close his own and let slumber captive them both. 

….

Problems started to arise after the short program. Problems and rumors. 

Wonbin had overheard them from passerby reporters and whispers from conductors and managers. His friend Juan Ignacio from Mexico had been training with him when he explained to him what he thought could be going on. 

“Doping?!” Wonbin exclaimed, covering his mouth. 

Juan Ignacio shook his head, he looked around before explaining further. 

“Aparently someone is paying for their medal. I don't know who but there’s rumors that the USA team is involved”

Although he had heard about rigging in a way involving the consumption of medical drugs or hormone intake, a case of corrupt rigging was his first to be around to hear ensue. Maybe it wasn’t real, but rumors spread fast, especially around the Olympic season with so many eyes watching all around the world. It raises the doubts of the legitimacy of the competition and the true value of owning a medal. He side eyed over to his manager who had been in the middle of a phone call. 

If someone could just take home a medal because their country or team had paid for it…what does that say about his chances of making it to the podium? 

He practices his quads and landings with too many things in his mind. The routine, the music replaying on his earphones, the cool rink air and his heavy breathing; the watching teams and their calculative coaches watching over everyone. There were only a few days left till the last part, a tension like this in the air was normal but with so many statements getting tossed around from mouth to mouth it’s difficult to ignore the thickness it created in the competitive nature of everyone. He tries to calm his breathing, focusing only on himself for a while. 

After practice Wonbin walks by to the changing rooms and stumbles across Jane Fill from team USA. He doesn’t greet him outside of a quick polite smile, but he can’t help but notice the serious expression on his rival competitor’s face. When he asks his coach moments later if he has heard anything weird going around he only gets told to “not worry about it”. His coach has a thick countryside accent just like his, his words come short but precise for him to hear. His sole mission at the moment was one. 

Don’t get distracted. 

He clenches his black training sweater closer to his body and texts his boyfriend who had gone to watch the men’s hockey game. They exchange some stickers and questions of where they will go to look around that day. Chanyoung asks him how his training is going and he answers the question with no mentions of the hostility in the atmosphere. It is best if he isn’t aware of unproven facts. 

They hug tightly when they find each other outside the Pinacoteca di Brera museum, exchanging a few quick kisses. Inside they observe the art pieces with linked arms. Chanyoung would stop in front of every painting and read their description meticulously, taking his time in appreciating every piece in the same way he appreciated everything else in life. Wonbin wasn’t the biggest enthusiast of museums before he started dating Chanyoung, and it wasn’t that he found them boring but he simply enjoyed his alone time at home more, especially during weekends. Soon after meeting each other he found comfort in the calm activity, finding out there were more things to do around that didn’t involve loud noises and disruptive loud crowds. He broke routine with their peaceful museum visits and found affection in watching his boyfriend look around with a gentle heart at the beauty displayed on walls. Wonbin’s eyes would spend a few seconds observing and analysing and a few others focusing mostly on Chanyoung. 

“Have you eaten yet?” Chanyoung asks outside the museum, they had spent three hours there. Wonbin nods his head and helps his boyfriend choose a restaurant. Together they decide to go to one nearby so they can take a walk, the climate in Milano that day was nice with a cold breeze brushing over them. Wonbin adjusted Chanyoung’s scarf and this one adjusted his tossed hair locks. Over at the restaurant he chose what he wanted to eat, opting for a simple beef stew so as to not break his diet before the competition. His boyfriend went along with him and ordered the same plate. During the meal they chatted about the day’s events, Chanyoung commenting about the intensity of the hockey game and how he hadn’t expected certain teams to have done so well. Wonbin laughed at his commentary and relaxed on his chair, his body feeling cozy and warm. 

He was having a good time, until he saw it. Out of the corner of his vision on a few tables far away he saw who he knew was Jane Fill sitting across from his possible mother and training coach. His serious semblance from before now turned concerned and anxious, both his hands were placed on his temple as his mother talked to him. The orangeish restaurant lights wouldn’t let him see clearly beyond that but he was sure that the scene wrote itself clearly for him. Chanyoung talked about his sibling calling him that morning and Wonbin tried to pose as if he was paying attention, nodding his head lightly as he glanced back and forth between the distant table and his boyfriend. He turned his eyes away from Jane once he thought to see his coach look over his way. Wonbin gulped and slumped himself on his chair as he drank from his glass of water. 

This was getting weird. 

Back at the hotel he starts analyzing the scoring, his worries growing quickly. If he lands a certain amount of quads properly and executes his free skate routine perfectly he could easily make it to gold. Though his heart can’t stop beating thinking about the what ifs, because if rumors become true, then his chances of winning slim down and he will inevitably have to fight for silver or bronze. He examines his contenders videos, biting his fingernails out of bad habit. Chanyoung wasn’t there to stop him from giving into his anxious mannerism, he had gone down to a nearby grocery store to buy some of Wonbin’s favorite apple juice. Thankfully he wasn’t there because he would soon start to question his odd demeanor and sudden jitters. 

Wonbin couldn’t hold it in any longer. He made his way to the ice rink that night before his boyfriend could come back, sending a quick text message of where he was going, using the excuse that his manager had asked him to fix some of the additions on his program. He held his sports bag with his skating shoes. There was only one way to calm himself down. 

He repeated the same jump over and over again, going over his footwork and letting himself slip on the ice to take his internal conflicts away and concentrate them solely in his practice. Even when he was a little boy he would escape out of his house during family fights and lock himself in the rink. Ice skating wasn’t just his passion but it was his condolence; the one to ground him during hard moments. 

A loop, then a step sequence and a sit spin. 

Passion can turn into pain, they say. He has found out it can be right but it doesn’t take away the freedom and love he feels for the sport. There was no him without the sharp skating shoes and the intense body workouts. Wonbin found his identity as a person strictly confined to the beauty of the dance and the label of him as its performer and representative. 

A double axel. 

He didn’t need the music for him to know when to move, at that point of his career he had memorized every single second of his performance and the exact sound of it. He was a perfectionist through and through. 

He executes triple axel and then slides to the center and spins, his body falling with control to the ground till he hugs it with arms spread out. He finishes there, holding his ending pose. 

Wonbin stays in his position for a while, inhaling and exhaling rapidly, regaining his senses now with a clear mind. As he slowly gets up he hears a few claps which make him turn quickly to their direction. 

Osaki Shotaro. He stood in his training outfit clapping calmly at Wonbin, a collected smile on his face. 

“Hyung?!” Wonbin calls out in shock. A few years ago when he met Shotaro he had found out the man could speak fluent Korean, apparently his partner was a guy from Seoul that Wonbin remembers seeing him accompany Shotaro to a few competitions and international events, always sporting a grey cardigan and a concentrated expression. 

He skated over to the man. Wonbin had seen him during practice that morning but he hadn’t expected him to be at the place watching him. He held a lot of respect for Shotaro, not only as his elder but as the skater he wished to match in terms of skills. If there was someone he took seriously in the competition it had to be the Japanese. 

Shotaro patted his back in a small salutation. 

“I’m getting scared, you’re going to definitely give me a hard time in scoring high” Shotaro teased, his words carrying no malice or envy. That was just the way he was. Wonbin snickered, he knew the one that was going to have a hard time was himself. 

“What are you doing right now hyung?” he asked, Shotaro stretched his arms and legs warming up to get in the ice. 

“I felt like practicing, I wasn’t satisfied with how my sequence turned out this morning” 

Wonbin hummed. He found tranquility knowing he wasn’t the only one worried about his execution. Even the man ranking above him seeked to perfect his moves in the middle of the night. No managers, choreographers or teammates were around them. It was just Wonbin, Shotaro and their endless perseverance. He accompanied Shotaro on the ice, each one doing their respective movements; Shotaro’s strong and controlled meanwhile Wonbin’s were sharp and fluid. When they stopped for a quick water break Wonbin glanced over at the man, seeing a flash of uncertain emotion in him. 

“I think you’ll get the gold,” Wonbin said out of impulse. It wasn’t appropriate to say things like that, especially towards a rival, but he thought maybe he could cheer up Shotaro even with words that wouldn’t be received with the sincerity he wished they could convey. The Japanese looked up to him silently. 

Shotaro tilted his head from one side to another, unsure of how true that would be. 

“I find that hard to happen” he said in a tone of undebatable knowledge. 

Wonbin pressed his lips trying to find out what that meant. Then, it clicked. Shotaro knew. 

“I know you’ve heard what’s going on” Shotaro said and Wonbin nodded his head. 

“You think that can happen?” he asked, hoping to hear the man say a “no” that could calm down his distress. 

What he was met with was silence from the other’s part. They both looked down to their skates and the marks the blades left underneath them.

“What should we do?”

Shotaro focused his eyes directly at him. No glimmer or shine of tease behind them.

“We do our best until the truth becomes inevitable” 

Rivals or not, they weren’t just fighting for a medal, they were fighting for recognition and justice. It relied on them if they wanted to make it or not despite the odds being against them. 

A few hours passed when Chanyoung came to pick him up. He had a quick greeting with Shotaro and then helped carry Wonbin’s bag on their way back. They walked in quietude by each other’s sides, both thinking on what to say. 

The younger was the first to break the atmosphere. 

“Do you feel better?” he asked. Wonbin’s eyes widened. 

“I-” he tries to explain but Chanyoung cuts him off. 

“Hyung, I know you’re nervous. I’ve been seeing your mood change throughout the day” he pauses, both of them standing in the middle of the street, blueish reflections of the moon shining on them. “I just want you to tell me when you’re not feeling okay, you know I’ll always try to help you with anything I can.” 

Wonbin stands on his tip toes and takes his boyfriend’s lips on his own. He knew Chanyoung tries his best to be there for him, physically or emotionally. If he was in his place–which he has been multiple times when he accompanies him to his swimming tournaments–he would want to know every trouble and concern he has and try to fix them even if it wasn’t realistic and possible. His boyfriend puts his hand around his waist and tilts his head, melting on the magical allure of Wonbin’s mouth. His silver ring twinkled with the promise of forever companionship. 

“I love you” Wonbin whispered and Chanyoung beamed with happiness. 

……

The day before the competition he starts training like crazy. His coach tells him to not push his body because he needs to let it rest before the big event. Chanyoung followed him to his practice and brushed his tangled hair with the brush he had bought him a few years ago. Wonbin sighs as his boyfriend's fingers massage his shoulders and back, helping him stretch and unrelease the knots forming on him from stress. That day he kept receiving messages from his parents reminding him to take care and concentrate. He had been sad because they had left Milan after the first competition but he understood that they would still support him from afar, even going as far as texting his boyfriend and manager to check on him after hours of no response from their son. 

He had his media press talk that afternoon, it was in a small white room that only allowed access to certain news platforms from each country. Wonbin and his team sat on the press table getting bombarded with questions left and right, his manager choosing wisely who in the room could get a voice and response. A lady from a British news platform raises her microphone, the tone of her voice loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“What do you think about the rising rumors about American skater Jane Jill?” 

His manager’s eyebrows furrow, he opens his mouth to negate the question and change the subject but Wonbin started speaking before he had the chance. 

“I think he’s a great skater and I hope he does well” 

He smiles politely and ends it there. Nothing more; nothing less. 

After the press is done his manager complains about the unnecessary questions and the annoying media that only look for articles that can produce them clicks and momentum. Wonbin knew his manager wouldn't tell him directly but the question from before had shook him, the rumors were starting to get wide spread, even after he had tried diverting Wonbin away from them. It was inevitable, above all with him being so close to the gold medal. He hadn’t seen Jane at all during that day and he was sure he would be hearing more of him and then he would be seeing him. At the medical check up he remained calm, his manager watched from the corner of the room with a solemn expression. What worried him the most wasn’t just the possibility of there being a paid medal, but the potential of the rigging being done in more ways than just a mere transaction. A day before the event many things could happen, and if in any case they found an athlete that had signs of doping, not only could it serve as a distraction but also as a way to eliminate competition. Wonbin could be an easy target. 

Chanyoung sat on a bench with crossed arms, his eyes following every spin and movement of Wonbin during his practice. His head moving in automatic motion following his boyfriend’s routine. He had memorized some parts of it and followed him silently. Wonbin knew Chanyoung had noticed the growing seriousness and tension on his manager, even more so after Wonbin had escaped suddenly a night ago to practice. He knew the younger watched the news and read the articles online and would start growing concern of his own; concern he never showed or commented on. 

Wonbin went over to the sidelines, Chanyoung waiting for him with his towel and water bottle in hand. 

“You should probably stop here hyung.” he commented in a low voice, not wanting the people around to listen. Wonbin complied with a small nod, even if he wanted to continue, both of the men watching over him already advised him to stop and he didn’t want to fight against their wishes. His boyfriend helped him change out of his skates, massaging his socked feet and calves; Wonbin exhaled in pleasure and satisfaction. He murmured for Chanyoung to continue, resting his back on the plastic chair he sat on. The younger smiled and kept on with his actions. Had Sion been there he would’ve bothered Wonbin with no end, calling his boyfriend “stupid in love” for going along with his antics. He giggled slightly at the thought. 

The two of them headed to watch the curling Olympic event, coffees on both their hands. Wonbin observed with admiration the intensity of the sport, though not so tough looking from far away, when you get into the actual technical part of it, then it becomes a really intriguing sport. At least it was for him.  He explained to Chanyoung about the scoring system of the game and how the ice where the players slid the stone was of a different texture than the one hockey players and figure skaters worked on. They held their coffee cups in a firm hold as the screams of the players rumbled all the way to the bleachers. 

“It must be tough,” the Chanyoung said and Wonbin could only nod in response. 

It struck him that he wasn’t the only one worried about his exercises and executions. There were so many other Olympicist competing around that probably had their entire nation's pressure on their backs. It just so happens some sports get more light than others, but at the end of the day they all worked hard to do their best. If he wanted to take Korea to the podium he would have to concentrate, it wasn’t just his duty as a sportsman but as an individual whose passion grew for excellence. 

He called his parents and older brother that night, all of them saying how proud they were of him. Chanyoung listened from afar and saluted them when they mentioned him. 

“You take care of our Wonbinnie, okay Chanyoung-ah?” his mother said and the younger vowed to do so and for them not to worry. When the phone call ended he felt his boyfriend's lips on his neck, his hands travelling around his back rubbing and massaging. He loved to do that before Wonbin had any type of tournament, it was his way of showing him in a non sexual way that he was there to give him pleasure and support. He turned his head to the right, capturing his lips and kissing slowly, both arms moving behind him to grab the taller’s hair. 

“Chanyounnie” he mumbled and this one perked his head, paying attention to him.

“If I win a medal will you give me anything I want?” His eyes, half open and seductive, traveled around Chanyoung’s face. This one laughed and laid his head on his shoulder. 

“It depends on what you want” 

“What if I want you to fuck me with no protection” 

Chanyoung raised his head abruptly. “Hyung, i-is that okay?” He tried to show concern but his excitement seeped through his words. Wonbin gave him a cheeky smile and shrugged his shoulders. 

“I mean, it’s okay for me but if you don’t want to…” he pouted, his tone holding taunt that only got his boyfriend even more willing. Chanyoung shook his head quickly. 

“I will do whatever you want,” he said desperately. Wonbin erupted into laughter; he couldn't hold it. 

They watched over his favorite reality show on the younger’s computer until they both went to sleep. Wonbin tossed that whole night, unable to get proper rest. 

Tomorrow was the day. 

…..

 Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. 

He repeats that pattern as he bends his leg forwards keeping the other one stretched behind him. “Swan lake: Act III Danse Russe” score played on his earphones. His back twisted left and right; his torso pulled until he felt the muscles burn. Several countries' teams and skaters passed by him or stood at a different corner of the room effectuating their warm ups, everyone seemed to be trapped in a bubble of their own. Robert Tremblay from Canada was currently executing his program. He heard how the crowd cheered and groaned during his performance. Wonbin continued with his stretching, reminding himself that was soon to be his fate. 

The only person that stood beside him at the moment was his boyfriend; his manager was too busy checking over the other skaters and their scoring. Wonbin only glanced slightly at the TV screen on the room whenever someone fell on their quad landing or when they executed it properly, diverting his eyes quickly so he wouldn’t overthink on the ranking. Chanyoung pushed his back further, helping him reach his toes with his hands. 

Inhale. Exhale. 

The younger whispered to him when to change position, even if he knew himself, he liked having him to rely on. 

Wonbin’s face remained stuck in the same resting position, his eye brows stood low; almost furrowed. His mouth tight shut unless he had to exhale. Despite appearing calm on the outside, his heart beat faster the more claps and cheers he heard, not even with his boyfriend by his side could he stop the rapid drumming. 

When he made his exit from the waiting room, he sat beside Juan Ignacio, who was set to perform right after Shotaro. Chanyoung and Juan chatted for a while, one encouraging the other. Wonbin tried to relax and get into the groove of the conversation but he couldn’t help but keep his eyes focused on Shotaro's routine. He had practiced alongside him so he knew some of the steps of his sequence. Holding his breath he watched as he was about to do his first quad; a triple axel. 

His eyes widened as he witnessed Shotaro fall on his landing, raising the hands on his lap to his mouth in shock. Juan hissed, “I remember he landed that one perfectly during rehearsals”, and Wonbin knew he was right. As his program continued he watched him execute his next jumps properly, his steps were on mark. Mentally he cheered for him, even as his rival, he wanted him to do his best. Shotaro wasn’t a weak skater, he knew his potential and what he had to prove. 

“We do our best until the truth becomes inevitable” 

Those words resounded in him until they were engraved like a tattoo. Both of them had something to prove and show that day. 

Shotaro took off on his double lutz. Another fall. The crowd broke into a series of “Ooooh” and he could hear his teammates scream at him encouraging comments. This was not going as expected. He had fallen after that three times and his panic grew. Hyung what are you doing, he thought. The Japanese spinned on the center, almost fumbling his sideways camel spin. 

Music stops and the public cheers. Wonbin stands up once Shotaro makes it out of the ice, running quickly to him regardless of Chanyoung calling out for him. 

“Hyung!” he screams to get his attention. 

Shotaro looks at him, forehead dripping in sweat and his mouth downturned. He wasn’t satisfied with how he performed and Wonbin knew it. The older’s manager looked at him with a quizzing look. “What happened over there?” he exclaimed, searching for an answer in him. Shotaro smiled with little power behind the action. 

“I think I give up” 

Wonbin’s eyes widened. 

“What?” 

“Its not the sport and it’s not my love for it. It’s my willingness to keep fighting against the people that choose for it” 

They stand to the fore of one another. His words hit Wonbin like bricks on his back. 

When the older moved to sit at the table for his scoring he saw his manager pat his back with pity and whisper something in his ear. 

Osaki Shotaro(Japan): 125.66. 5th place.

On a bench a few meters away he saw team USA’s coach nod and clench his fist.

A lump formed on his throat at the sight. Wonbin moved quickly inside, walking down a hallway to a corner where no one could see him. He felt bad for not being there for Juan Ignacio but his body shook uncontrollably. 

Inhale. Exhale. 

His lips trembled and his breath shook with a shiver of anxiety. How could Shotaro give up so easily? How could he abandon his spot so quickly? Wonbin had thought he would persist beside him, battling for his placement in the podium, and yet, he had just let himself go out of his own will. It wasn’t normal for him. Images of Shotaro getting threatened or bribed so he could fail flashed across his mind. There was simply no way; there was no way someone like the man, as positive and skilled could just give up. 

If Shotaro could fall short, what does that say for him? If his win wasn’t secured with a payment what does that say for the work he has to put on?

“Wonbin” 

His trail of thought gets interrupted by a gentle voice, one he had engraved in him like the music of his programs. Yet this one was sweeter and held all the love in the world in it. Wonbin gulped and turned to look over at Chanyoung, attempting to hide the sad glow of his eyes. As he got closer to him, the younger’s expression grew into worry. He raised his hands to hold Wonbin’s face, thumb brushing over his powdery blushed cheek. 

“What is going on?” he asked softly, words barely audible for anyone outside their personal vignette. Wonbin bites his lip and looks down, like the switch of a flip, tears start cascading down his eyes. He sobs and chokes over himself as Chanyoung cradles his head close to him. 

“Baby I need you to breathe, okay?” he whispers, kissing the crown of his head. He does all he can to calm down Wonbin’s unexplainable sobbing, rubbing behind his back and pecking his forehead. Wonbin nods and with quavering lips tries to calm himself down, following his boyfriend as he guides him just as he did moments ago with his warm up. 

“I-I don’t think I’ll make it” he tremors with his words, droopy eyes looking up to his lover. 

Chanyoung furrows his brows, processing what he just heard “What do you mea-”

“It's unfair! It's just unfair!” Wonbin cries. “They can get away with things like that and it’s just not fair!” 

He breathes in, his boyfriend gone quiet. 

“Hyung, your manager told me what was going on” Chanyoung states, a complex emotion written over him. “And no matter what happens. If they win or if they try to belittle you and not give you what you deserve, I want you to know that you’re worth more than a pair of dirty cash. You are the only person that can make it and has made it this far” 

The younger gulps, holding back tears of his own. Wonbin cries silently, permitting his lover’s words to enter him and bring serenity to his overbeating chest and aching pulse. Chanyoung doesn’t let him go at any moment, inhaling Wonbin’s perfume; a scent mixed between musk and the soap they shared at their hotel room. He whispers more affirming words to his ear and Wonbin nods at all of them. Once they lean back to look at each other, his puffy red eyes scan over the taller. 

“You think there’s a possibility for me?” 

Chanyoung thinks for a second.

“There is, and even if there isn’t, you will do your best. I know you hyung” 

Wonbin thinks about it; about Chanyoung, about his manager, his family waiting at home right by a TV screen. He thinks about Shotaro and his choice, about Jane and his concerned look at that time at the restaurant. No one knows what exactly will happen in the future and everyone just lets the situations around them flow until the events happen; whether it is giving into the temptation of failure or the persuasion of an unjustifiable win. Wonbin understood where he was situated in the middle of the storm and if he wanted to resist it he had to do his best. That had been what Shotaro said; that had been what Chanyoung said. 

He wipes over his wet cheek, a fire burning inside him. 

“I think I will have to redo my make up” he jokes and both he and Chanyoung laugh softly. 

He kisses his boyfriend deeply, being glad he stood by him and didn’t let go. 

Once outside he sees the screen with Juan Ignacio’s scoring. 

Juan Ignacio(Mexico): 144.09. 3rd place. 

He had made it that far. If Wonbin wanted to end up on the podium he would have to either score the same or do better. Either he beat Jane and got first place or beat team Canada’s skater and placed second. One way or another he would do it. 

His coaching manager calls him over as his turn comes up. 

“You hear me out, Wonbin-ah. That ice rink is yours, okay? Show them your hard work and don’t forget to not rush it” His manager repeats, patting his back and helping him get out of his jacket. Wonbin repeats a firm “yes” and slides into the ice. 

For one last time he looks over to his boyfriend. Chanyoung thumbs him up and claps for him on the sidelines. 

The big screen lit up with his name “PARK WONBIN- SOUTH KOREA” and the public screamed. People that had traveled all the way from Korea raised the country’s flag as they chanted his name. He closes his eyes and touches his golden star necklace–he thought of it as his lucky charm. 

You do your best, he says to himself. 

The music starts. His body moves on its own, following the nature of the program. 

He skates with the music, losing himself to the storyline of his dancing sequence. A majestic swan; an innocent and beautiful boy that swayed on the decadent land it lived in, trapping passerbys with his beauty and turning away from them at the sign of evil. The story was a direct sequel of his short program. Unlike that one, free skate had a characterization of being longer. Most skaters had to maintain their stamina all the way till the end, even after all the quads and spins they undertook. If he wanted to reach the end with perfection he had to make good use of his time and strength. 

He sets off on his left foot for a schalow. The landing is perfect. His sequence continues with his spinning and then a triple axel. Screams of  joy resound around him. 

Wonbin raises his arms and flows on the edge of his skates, grabbing momentum for his last jump. This was his final verdict. 

A triple lutz followed by a triple loop. 

He executes his camel spin then his signature Biellmann spin until he flows down to the ground in controlled movements. Arms spread out like how he practiced and then the music stops. People in the audience stand up from their seats and cheer loudly, flowers and plushies getting thrown at him in appreciation of his performance. 

It was perfect. 

As he stands up and opens his eyes once again, the light blinds him, making him feel as if he had landed in heaven. He raises his arms and bows to his audience, then to the judges. His smile spread from one corner of his face to another. The fire he felt burn him with passion rumbled with the happiness of excellence. He picked up a plushy from the ground and made his way to his coach who jumped up and down chanting his name just like the audience. 

“Park Wonbin! Park Wonbin!” he danced in glee, grabbing him immediately in a clutch. 

“You fricking bastard! I knew you had that shit in you!!” he screamed and Wonbin laughed loudly. 

Chanyoung stood beside them, waiting for his coach to let go of him with an amused smile. He grabbed Wonbin by the arm and freed him from the man’s hold just to wrap him in a tight hug of his own. Wonbin burrowed his nose deep in his neck like a pattern of their affection. Chanyoung repeated how amazing he was as he pushed his hair back and swept the sweat away from his face. The camera focused on them and his coach had to remind him to concentrate as he had to go see his scoring. 

He separated from Chanyoung with an exhale. His boyfriend held his hands firmly one last time and said. 

“Even if you don’t get gold. You will always be number one for me” 

It satisfied him more than any judge’s appraisal could ever. 

His manager sat beside him, the same picture of their short program playing out; Wonbin holding his breath in wait for his points. His face appeared on the big screen as the numbers loaded. 

Park Wonbin(Korea): 178.03. 

The smile on his face drops. He was second.

His manager stands up and guides him into a hug as a series of claps and dissatisfied sounds from the audience break out due to the results. Even if he feels wrongly qualified his manager reminds him to not feel bad. 

“Remember that this means you’re second in the world, not everyone can say that” 

It was a bitter fact but one he accepted. No tears ran down his eyes, because he knew that he had done whatever he could to reach that far. 

Jane Jill skates past him and side eyes him with an unreadable expression as they make their way to the podium. Cameras flash on them rapidly as their medals get handed to them. The weight of his silver feels heavier than his chest; he stands up straight on his #2 stand with the thought of his accomplishment. From afar, past the cameras and the reporters he sees him, the one that stayed with him till the end and beyond. He smiles and waves at him; only him.

“Park Wonbin, how does it feel to lose gold by a few points after such a perfect routine?”

“How does it feel to give South Korea their first medal in this year's figure ice skating?”

“What are your comments on Jane Jill, do you think he deserves his medal?”

He walks past the media and their frantic questions, Chanyoung and his manager protecting him from both sides as they make their way to the private area of the inside of the arena. Wonbin holds his bouquet of flowers closer to his heart and right below the area that his medal rests on, letting all the troubles of his competition past him now that he’s done with it all. They pop a bottle of champagne in the room to let the celebrations start but he doesn’t take a sip of it as he pouts to his boyfriend how he wanted to change and go eat Korean food badly. The younger pecks his puckering lips and tells him to wait a few minutes out of courtesy. 

From the corner of his vision he sees Jane Jill approach him and he freezes on his spot. Chanyoung puts a hand on his waist protectively and waits for the American to speak. 

Jane looks at them both and then only at Wonbin. 

“I’m sorry” he says, simple but understood. He was letting Wonbin know how he acknowledged his loss. Wonbin thinks whether he should take the apology or not.

“I think I’m not the one you should apologize to.” 

Jane stares at him confused. 

“My friend Shotaro. He got hurt the most” he explains and Jane nods slowly. 

The air between them was awkward, there really was nothing else for them to say to each other. The results were the results and he knew better than to hold grudges for someone else. He wasn’t sure of how the full story went but if it was anything like how he thought then Jane shouldn’t face his hatred if he wasn’t at fault for what happened. He at least acknowledged Wonbin. 

He escapes with Chanyoung from the after party to go eat at a remote Korean restaurant they found on a whim. The lady that attended him said how she had watched his performances and offered him a free meal for his win. Wonbin negated but still found extra portions of food on the plates they had ordered. Chanyoung bought him a bottle of wine and a cake from a grocery store on their way back to the hotel room and celebrated comfortably in the vicinity of each other’s companionship, with slow kisses being shared between them, sharing their wine mouth to mouth. 

A hand rubbed on his clothed nipples and traveled down to his cock. Wonbin sighed and whimpered at the contact he had craved for weeks. 

“Chanyoung” he moaned as the younger’s hand moved faster over his jeans. He wanted to free himself of his clothes and feel his naked skin against his boyfriends. This one shushed him and lifted his shirt to kiss his sensitive chest. 

“Let me take care of you hyung, you deserve it” 

Wonbin looks at him and nods, putting his whole trust on the man. 

His pants and boxers end up tossed on the floor they had been sitting on previously. Now they laid on the bed, Chanyoung focusing on his dick with utmost care, stroking it with his hand in slow up and down motions as he massaged his open thighs. Wonbin moaned quietly with closed eyes as he attempted to lift his hips to get more friction. Chanyoung stroked faster until he let go of him, causing Wonbin to almost complain until he felt a wet and slippery sensation engulf around him. He traveled his eyes down to where his boyfriend sucked around him. 

“A-ah, t-that feels good” his words come out in stutters of pleasure. His hands move instinctively down to hold on his boyfriend's hair as he bobs his head up and down, sucking on his length and shifting to his tip, overstimulating his sensations. Wonbin wails as the feeling gets stronger and he finds himself losing control, trying to close his strong legs around the man’s head and getting them pushed back open. “C-Chanyoung-ah! wait!” he screams before he can let himself orgasm. His boyfriend stops in a halt and lets go of his dick, his mouth wet and red. 

“What do you want me to do, hyung?” he wipes his mouth, hungry eyes penetrating him. 

Wonbin collects his breath, his member still hard and aching. Hands reach out for Chanyoung’s face and he kisses him, turning them to change position as he sits on his lap. The younger’s hands hold his waist and lower back, inserting a tingling contact that turns him on. The scene was intimate yet sensual. They attack each other’s tongue's, travelling inside each other like starved men. He rubs himself on Chanyoung’s lap, trusting his hips against his cock, which still confined itself in his boxers. 

If he didn’t control himself he would cum soon. Thankfully for them, he was an athlete, so they could test the limits of what was left of his stamina.

“You’re so hot” his boyfriend whimpers, gripping his ass as he continues moving on his lap. “You’re the most gorgeous man to ever exist, I can’t believe you chose me to be with you” appraisal spits out of him, making Wonbin see stars with his stimulation. He exhales breathy moans as Chanyoung goes back to stroking his cock, his larger hand taking over Wonbin’s. 

“Shit!” Wonbin whines and sees stripes of white cover his vision as his boyfriend’s hand pulls on him fast until his waiting orgasm finally comes. He rides down the ecstasy of his first release after so long; fingers on his nipples playing with himself. 

He traps Chanyoung’s face with his palms. As if a button had been pressed, his eyes changed; red and wanting for more. 

“Will you give me what you agreed to?” he pouts, begging with a tone of command. They both knew what that “agreement” had been about. Chanyoung gulps, his vision surrounded with nothing but Wonbin. His hands on the older’s back rub up and down as he nods obediently. Wonbin smirks and gets down from his lap, letting the other do what he knew to do. 

He watches as Chanyoung steps out of the bed to get rid of his boxers and search for the lube he had brought on his luggage. The thought of him being ready to fuck Wonbin during the event got him feeling hot and wanted. Wonbin was stricter than Chanyoung when it came to his competition’s restrictions, which meant that compared to when his boyfriend had tournaments they would have less sex, but he believed there was a thrill to the waiting. One he feels clearly between his cheeks as his hole gets opened up by two large fingers. He grabs his flexing arm for leverage, moaning continuously when his sweet spot gets its glorious worship. 

They held eye contact, Chanyoung’s was concentrated and red and he didn’t take his eyes away from him, looking and searching for signs of pleasure in him. Only taking them out after the third finger soaked wet and he was sure Wonbin was open and ready to take him. He honors every muscle in his body by trailing smooth lines over them with his cold fingers and Wonbin shivers at the touch; he was edging to feel him closer to him and craved his hot body pressed against his like crazy. 

“Would you like to turn around or continue like this?” Chanyoung whispers close to his mouth, pecking his lips and forehead. 

Wonbin stares at his sculpted and naked torso and thinks how he wants to get bent over and fucked so badly but also wants to keep looking at his boyfriend’s body for longer. He opts for the latter but tells himself to remember the former for later or tomorrow. 

He bites his lip as the sensation of Chanyoung’s raw and pulsing dick enters him. He throws his head back and his chest heaves from how he fills his insides completely. Chanyoung moans and pushes himself forwards till he reaches the hilt of his cock; entering the older until he couldn’t think properly. 

“Oh baby. You feel so good” he mewls and Wonbin nods as if he had been deprived of this his entire life. 

The first thrust sends him into orbit, his body shoves backwards towards the headboard and the meeting of Chanyoung’s thighs against his ass make an echo of loud claps. Hopefully they wouldn’t get complaints from the neighboring rooms because it would be impossible for Wonbin to keep himself quiet. His lips tremble from delight; eyes rolling back as he strings a set of moans at each hit on his spot. Chanyoung grunts and whimpers loudly, keeping his hands pressed on his hips and his lower stomach. 

Wonbin pulls him closer, his fingernails scratching his back. “Chanyounnie, I’m-oh yes” he mewls. His breath hilted and cut off from how much his body shook inwards and outwards. As his boyfriend grabs his hips and adjusts one of his legs higher he screams, the feeling of his cock reaching deeper electrified his body and he lost all senses of himself. He was just a simple weak mass against the power of his boyfriend's cock taking him in good. His arms left Chanyoung’s back as he raised above his head and moaned with no control, looking up at the man with crossed and teary eyes. This was sure to be the best fucks of his life; one of the many with him. 

“Baby are you close?” Chanyoung asks, his voice pitched up in pleasure. Wonbin can’t get himself to talk or think and simply nods. They hug each other and wrap up in a messy but loving kiss. His toes curl and his chest moves up and down faster and that’s how he knows he was about to come. 

He sobs and wails as he gets fucked through his second orgasm, Chanyoung still thrusting deep inside, his movements breaking from their previous patter and were now disordered and searching for an ending. The younger moans and Wonbin presses a foot behind his back. 

“Inside” he whines, needy and begging. He pleads to boyfriend with his eyes and that's enough to get him riled up. Chanyoung bites his lips and whispers “I can’t take it” before he cums all over his insides. Wonbin throws his head back and enjoys the feeling of fluid and his boyfriend’s cock filling him up now. 

It takes them a while to come down from their highs. After some hushed affectionate words and tender kisses, Chanyoung pulls out and Wonbin tries not to get hard as he gets the sensation of cum dripping down his ass. When his boyfriend picks him up to the bathtub, they stay there soaked under warm water, Wonbin’s back laying against the taller’s chest. He plays with the water in front of him and relaxes the more minutes go by. 

“How do you feel?” Chanyoung asks. 

“Better than before” he murmurs, closing his drowsy eyes. His boyfriend massages his temple and neck, surely if he could he would start purring like a happy cat. 

“What about the competition?” the younger whispers, afraid of addressing the topic. 

Wonbin hums. He thinks about his manager, who was probably drunk from all his partying, and thinks about the heavy metal resting on the table underneath the hotel room’s television. Though he had been upset at one point he realises that there’s more to his career than just winning number one titles and gold medals. At the end of the day he managed to demonstrate his skills and everyone around him was happy for him–all the way from his parents that called him as soon as he was available, to his boyfriend that held him and encouraged him like no one else could’ve. He has become a pride for those who cared for him and that was enough for now. 

Olympic drama and news could wait for later, he just wanted to savour the taste of success on his tongue for as long as he could; bitter tastes be damned. 

“It’s all good,” he responds. Slowly he turns around and strokes Chanyoung’s cheek, they giggle and kiss each other. “Thank you for always being there for me” 

“I will always be there.” he whispers back. 

They exchange I love you’s and cozy embraces underneath foreign sheets. Soon they would be going back home, still together and now accompanied by a little shiny friend of their own.