Chapter Text
When Ava Winchester turned eighteen, she was looking forward to walking through life as an official adult.
It was the year when she could finally snap back to Dean and Sam's teasing about her young appearance. She had high hopes that her position in the family business would finally shift upward and her Dad would let her go on missions without her having to sneak into the car behind his back.
But in a life like hers which was full of unexpected turbulences, dreams and hopes were meant to shatter in the blink of an eye.
As Ava was peacefully sleeping in her bed, she was jolted awake by sudden screams that filled the whole apartment. For a moment, she even forgot where they were as she got disoriented by the noise.
The screams didn't stop. Instead, they intensified.
The bedside lamps were turned on but the beds where her family was supposed to be sleeping were empty with covers chaotically pulled over.
Cautiously, Ava reached for her silver dagger underneath her pillow. Listening closer, she now recognized Sam's voice which was soon followed by Dad's. She even caught Dean's unmuted yelling.
Her grip on her weapon lessened but she was still on her guard. What if something had happened that she didn't know about?
Ava opened the door and she was met with her three closest family members. Sam was standing tall in front of their father who was not falling behind either. Their screams went on, sparks of fury and rage flying between them like fireworks. Dean was right beside them, trying to pull them apart but the father-son duo were so lost in their own fight that Dean's attempts were basically useless.
“Hey!” Ava called out, trying to gain their attention. When it seemed like there was no use, she rushed over to them. After putting her dagger on the closest cupboard she attempted to stand between her twin and Dad. “Stop it!”
“Your brother's gone mad!” John shouted, spit leaving his mouth.
“Me? Mad? You're the mad one! If it's what I want, I'll leave and have to ask for no permission!” Sam snapped back.
Ava's body went cold. She had registered that the atmosphere between her twin and Dad hadn't been as warm as previously in the last few weeks and their shared misunderstandings were no secret but she would have never thought that Sam would want to leave.
“Sammy, what are you talking about?”
“Dean, take her away,” John ordered firmly.
“I'm not leaving!” Ava insisted, panic rising inside her.
“Dean, do as I say.”
“But, Dad…”
“This is not your business, Ava!” John's head snapped towards his daughter, making her flinch. “For once, shut your mouth and obey!”
His words hit Ava in her weak spot. John was known to be tough with his children – after all, in order to survive, they had to be as strong as possible. But with Ava his temper knew its lines and he let many things slide with her – as long as she was protected, she could even sneak on their hunts. However, this time all of his borders had disappeared and he made no difference between the siblings.
“Dean,” Sam whispered and he nodded at his brother. This was a conversation meant only for him and John.
And, most importantly, he didn't want Ava to see him like this.
With John, he showed sides of him he despised.
Dean finally listened to John with the encouragement from Sam as he moved toward Ava. Grabbing her shoulders, he started leading her toward the exit door. Ava was in too big of a shock to fight yet.
Fights between John and Sam were nothing new to Ava – she had witnessed a great amount of them. But this conflict felt different. Something screamed final about it – like once done, there would be no switch to turn back time. It was like a bullet in the heart. Nothing could be done nor changed. That thought numbed her.
Once the night breeze hit Ava's bare arms, she shivered. Dean noticed it and took off his jacket, handing it to her. “Here. Before you catch a cold.”
For a second, Ava was just looking at the piece of clothing, taking in everything that had happened. Then, she pushed his hand away. The shock was disappearing and rage was rushing to replace it.
“No! We need to go back inside,” she blurted. “Sammy and Dad…”
Ava tried to walk past her older brother but he stood in her path.
“Dean.”
“Vava.”
It was a nickname used to lighten tense situations but an atmosphere like this could not be changed with a simple word.
“This isn't funny!” she shouted. “We need to get back!”
“And what? Anger Dad even more? This is between Sammy and him,” Dean rationalized.
Ava shook her head in disbelief. Dean's trust in their Dad was too big. When she stood beside her twin just a minute ago, she felt that that was a different side of him. A side she had never seen before.
When she tried to get back again, Dean grabbed her.
“Let me go through,” she said but Dean's grip was strong. “Dean…”
“Stop it, Aves.”
“No! No, no, no!”
Ava's fists kept hitting Dean's chest but it made no difference in his grip. The echoes of Sam and John's raging words reached her ears, creating more adrenaline inside her.
Did Dean want to do nothing? Did Dean really have such a blind trust in John that he'd make things right?
It felt like eternity had passed when the door finally opened. Before this moment, Ava heard nothing but silence which terrified her. Even Dean looked at the closed door with worry. There were tears glistening in Ava's eyes which only proved the intensity of the situation.
Ava Winchester didn't cry.
Crying meant weakness. Weakness meant one more reason to differentiate her from her brothers.
Tonight, she felt weakness as great as never before.
“Sammy!” she let out once she spotted her twin's face.
This time, Dean didn't stop her and let her run past him. However, she halted at the side of a duffel bag in his hand.
“Sammy?” she uttered, hesitating.
“I'm leaving.”
Two words. Just two words that had the impact of a bomb that shattered Ava's heart into a thousand pieces.
“Don't say this, Sammy,” she begged him. “Just– we'll talk about this, okay?”
“There's nothing to talk about, Aves,” Sam protested with an equally broken heart. “Dad told me if I leave, I should never come back.”
“Then don't leave!” Ava screamed out of frustration and sadness. Now, there were tears leaving wet traces as they rolled down her cheeks.
Didn't he see it was so easy?
And Sam truly almost gave in. He almost told her that he'd stay, apologize and life would go on as it did previously. His little sister, twin, with whom he shared such a bond you could never have with anyone else, was standing before him with such innocence and sadness in her eyes and he feared that this was the last time he'd see those eyes that were identical to his. She was his blood. His partner in crime for eternity.
He had teased her for her young appearance, but now her looks tore him up from inside.
But he had made up his mind.
For the first time in his life, Sam Winchester chose himself.
“I can't! I know this is the life you've chosen for yourself but I want to have no part of it. None,” he tried to explain.
Ava was shaking her head in hopelessness. “Don't, Sammy. Please.”
Her voice broke and with that something tore inside Sam too.
“I'm sorry. I love–”
He tried to ease this moment for both of them. As if it was even possible. It didn't need to be spoken out loud but they both knew that after this, nothing would remain the same. This was their goodbye whether they admitted it or not. Even if their paths were to cross in the future again, they'd more resemble strangers than twins.
Sam tried to reach for her, one last touch, one last hug but Ava stepped back.
“No,” she blurted. “No! Don't say that. Don't say goodbye. Just– walk back inside, apologize to Dad and–”
“I'm sorry, Ava, but like you, I've made my own decision too.”
And Sam started walking – away from his siblings. From his family. The people that meant the most to him.
“But we've made a promise!” Ava exclaimed in her one last attempt to stop their family from collapsing. She fought so hard so that her words could still be understood with the growing crying. “You promised me that we were in this together!”
Sam didn't turn back. “You've got Dean.”
“I don't want Dean. I want my twin!”
This time, Sam gave them one last look before showing them his back for one last time. “Goodbye, Aves, Dean.”
“No!” Ava looked at Dean who was standing there frozen, unable to do something. “Dean, do something!”
But he couldn't. And he knew that. He had raised both his siblings. They were like his own children. He was there to hold them when they had a nightmare, when John was too strict to them or when their bruises needed to be treated after a rough day of training. He knew them better than anyone. Which is why he knew that no matter what he said to Sam, his choice would remain the same.
Ava's tear-streaked face though… it pushed him to try despite the minimal chances of being successful.
“Sammy… Sam!” Dean called after his brother.
As expected, Sam made no move to turn back. Slowly, his figure was disappearing in the darkness of the night.
Ava's sobs became louder and unstoppable. She had just lost her twin. And the worst thing was that it wasn't in the way they all knew was coming for them someday – death. No, this was Sam's choice. His willing choice to exit from their lives. And that decision created a wound so deep in their relationship that it would bleed for years.
Ava Winchester stumbled. This was too much for her. She felt too much.
Dean was by her side immediately to stop her from falling to the floor. He pulled her into his chest where her tears left a mark on his T-shirt. He kept his emotions inside as well because if he broke down, there would be no one to hold his little sister. He wanted to be the one stability that was missing from her life.
But like her time with Sam, Ava's tears ran out too. Dean insisted on her coming inside with him but she shook her head firmly. She didn't mind the cold. If she were to walk inside, that would be the final blow – the final dot to this chapter of her life in which her twin still appeared. So while Dean returned to talk to John, he had no other choice than to leave Ava outside. He threw his jacket around her shoulders to give her some source of warmth.
After Ava was left on her own, she just sat there, waiting. Waiting for Sam to come back. Waiting for her old life. For everything to return back to normal.
However, all of it was now in the past.
And the past could never be changed.