Chapter Text
Fu knew he wasn't all right in the head. That much was clear to pretty much anyone who had two working eyes.
He has working eyes- though he sometimes wish he didn't. Perhaps if he did not have eyes he wouldn't have to stare at himself in the mirror like this.
"Fu." Hii chidded him for probably the fourteenth time. "Stop staring, you pathetic welp. You look the same as yesterday."
Fu's gut twisted at that.
He had always looked like this, though that wasn't necessarily as soothing of an idea as Hii might have thought. He looked as bad as he felt, and other people must be able to see that too.
"Tsk." Hii muttered in their shared headspace, the doll that sat by the bathroom mirror on the corner of the counter was slumped over, though it seemed to stare. "You're hopeless."
A lump formed in Fu's throat. Hii was right (because of course Hii was.) But Hii didn't ever say anything Fu didn't already think himself. That was part of why Fu needed Hii. Fu thought things, but refused to speak them into existence. Hii was the part of him that wasn't scared to voice anything, no matter how cruel or how vile.
"I'm so pathetic." Fu mumbled, lip wobbling. He couldn't even bring himself to brush the stray hairs out of his eyes without being ordered to. "This is why no one likes me. I can't blame Zodyl for doing what he did, just look at me-" Tears began to blurr his vision at the thought of being left for dead. It was what he deserved, but it didn't feel nice.
"God." Hii's little raccoon head slumped a little farther, "What am I supposed to do with you? You're spiraling. How many times do I have to tell you, that's not good for us. Stop ruining our health."
Fu bit his lip, "You're not exactly helping." He thought ever so weakly- though the thought fizzled out somewhere between his brain and his mouth.
Hii- being part of him- knew what he was thinking regardless. "I just say what you want to hear." Hii scoffed. "Don't make me the villian."
"You're right." Fu swallowed, trying to blink the building tears from his eyes, "Sorry. I owe everything to you, Master Hii." Hii was by far the most positive influence on his life, Fu would be dead meat about fourty thousand times over without him.
He didn't know why his eyes had started to water- frankly, he didn't know why they did that most the time. It was as if Fu's eyes had a mind of their own and produced tears whenever they felt it most inconvenient for his sanity. Fu didn't want to cry, but for some reason the tears kept welling.
A sigh echoed within Fu's own mind. The sound was still strange even after all this time with Hii. Most vital instruments didn't interact the way they did- then again, most vital instruments were not people, and their givers were not usually cursed racoon dolls.
"I can feel your heart beating far too fast. You're going to waste all of our energy with a panic attack." Hii sounded annoyed.
The worst part about being a cursed doll, was you couldn't take care of your vital instrument unless it was something that could lend you a body and therefore, the autonomy required to take care of something. Fu was downright horrible about taking care of himself without orders, and the worst part was- the nature of it all meant they had to share the body.
"How am I supposed to protect you if we we're up all night staring at yourself and crying?" Hii huffed in annoyance, rightfully so. Fu always let his body teeter on the edge of destruction until Hii stepped in. "You have got to grow up and take a breath."
"Sorry." Fu hiccuped a reply, hurriedly trying to wipe the tears welling in his eyes. Despite not wanting to, crying did feel good sometimes. The heart racing and the horrible thoughts however, did not. "I don't know what's wrong with me right now."
"Right now?" Hii laughed, though no real amusement was behind the sound. "You're broken." Hii explained, sounding exhausted. The doll was giving him, what felt like a look.
In that moment, all Fu could do was let the tears out. The words "broken" echoing in his ears. He wished- more than anything- someone would fix him. The last thing he wanted was to take responsibility for the disaster of a person he turned out to be.
"Broken"
Fu felt the tears finally break free from his eyes and streaming down his face. He truly looked disgusting in the mirror, but he couldn't stop looking. He couldn't stop thinking about how horrible he was, how useless.
"Enough." Hii said at last. Fu hiccuped between sobs- Hii had given him an order.
Life was so much easier when he was told what to do, instantly his tears started to slow at the comforting feeling of being taken care of- of not having to think for himself. Hii was so good to him.
"You need to relax." Hii spoke sternly. Another order. Thank god. "Take a shower. Warm water."
The world seemed to quiet inside Fu's head. He had direction- something to be for a moment. Right now, he was a person relaxing. This was for Hii, afterall he was a tool to be used by Hii, he was the vital instrument. It was part of their contract.
Hii was quiet in headspace as Fu undressed and turned on the water, eyes crusting from unwiped tears, and his mask of eyeshadow streaking down his cheeks.
Fu stares at the water running. The steam stared to rise in the bathroom, fog clouded the mirrors. "Thank God." Fu thought, dazzed. "I don't have to look at myself." Briefly he wondered if Hii had done that on purpose or-
"Stop thinking." Hii commanded. "Get in."
Fu automatically moved to get into the shower, body listening before he even fully processed what was said. It was just second nature to listen to Hii at this point.
"Wait!" Hii stopped him. Fu stopped. "Take me with you asshole."
"Right!" Fu flushed with embarrassment. He should have known that, him and Hii went everywhere together. It's how they grew their bond stronger as giver and instrument. (Demon and host). "Sorry!"
Fu grabbed the racoon doll, fingers rubbing over its fluffy hair absently as he got into the shower.
Instantly the water warmed his skin. The repetitive motion of water tapping onto his back was soothing, and the sound was almost therapeutic in nature.
"Don't forget to breathe, dummy." Hii chidded.
Fu let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding, the tension releasing from his shoulders.
It wasn't often he took showers, water was a hard resource to come by down on the ground and on top of that, orders were an even harder resource. Hii only really cared to order Fu to shower when it became a health risk. This is the first time Hii had ordered him to relax in a shower. Never before had Fu even realized the potential a shower had to be so comforting.
"Your hair. It's in your face." Hii grumbled. "You need to wash it."
"Er- right." Fu grabbed the one shampoo The Cleaners had provided him. Whether intentional on their part or not, Fu appreciated that they didn't give him an opportunity to choose. That choice would've given him a heartattack.
Slowly and carefully, Fu scrubbed the shampoo into his hair, lathering all the way too the roots and the tips of his hair just as Hii commanded him to.
The water ran a sort of light brown when he rinsed it, probably speaking as to how long it had been since he showered. "Disgusting." Fu couldn't help but think, feeling more miserable than usual. It was as if a months worth of building anxiety was crashing onto him. He'd be lucky if he could sleep tonight without nightmares or something. "I can't even shower myself. I'm so useless."
"Oh my God-" Hii groaned, "What will it take for you to stop spiraling!"
"Sorry, Master Hii." Fu squeaked with an embarrassed wince.
Hii was silent for what felt like a long time. The water hit Fu's heavy, and the temperature near put him to sleep. It was like a warm weighted blanket.
"You can sit down." Hii told him in his head. "Let the water run on you for a while."
"Okay." Fu whispered in response. He sat down on the bathtub floor and let the water hit his head, sighing in relief of even more tension he didn't know he had. "Sorry." He muttered again, tracing a thumb over Hii's wooden doll torso. "I... sorry. I don't know."
Fu bit his lip, closing his eyes as he breathed in the steamy air. "You're so good to me." He said to Hii, turning the doll over this way and that with his hands. "Thank you Hii."
"Whatever." Hii scoffed, "I'm just trying to maximize your health so I can be better on the field."
Fu felt a smile creeping onto his face. "Thank you Master Hii. You're so sweet."
Leaning back, Fu rested his head on the back of the tub, letting the water cascade into his stomach and legs. He propped Hii up on his stomach so he could get a bit of the nice warm water. Fu knew he probably couldn't feel it, but it felt nice to share with Hii when he could. Fu liked nothing more than being useful.
"You can make yourself useful by taking care of yourself, dammit." Hii fused. "God you need to find an outlet-"
Hii went quiet.
"Huh?" Fu frowned, "Hii?"
Hii did not speak, but the longer the silence went on the more Fu began to feel strange. His cheeks started to rose up and he could distinctly feel a knot forming in his stomach. "Hii...?" Fu asked, more confused this time than concerned. Though, he was feeling both of those things. "What-"
"You should try touching yourself."
The command was firm and seemingly out of the blue. Fu's face flushed a deep deep red, all of the blood from his body must of rushed there. His head felt dizzy when he asked, "W-what!?"
"Proven stress-reliever. I need you to stop thinking. I need you to relax and to take care of my instrument. That includes everything it needs to feel at it's best." Hii said, though if Fu wasn't mistaken, he sounded almost... embarrassed? Which was nice, because Fu had never been more embarrassed in his life. "Sexual activities improve dopamine and will make you tired. Maybe you'll even go to sleep on time today for once. I need that to happen."
Fu stammered, he had never been more embarrassed in his life. Touch himself? Ever since he had started sharing a headspace, those types of things had left his thoughts forever. It was almost unthinkable. How embarrassing could you get!
"I- uh-" It was an order, Fu processed. Not a stern one, to be fair. Hii was being unusually gentle, leaving room for the denial of orders. Something he knew that Fu would take advantage of if he felt necessary. But... Hii was not demanding something of him that wasn't unreasonable. In retrospect, it made perfect sense. Fu didn't necissarily have a reason not to, beyond his growing embarrassment at the way his body was reacting to this shameful request. And beyond that- it had... been a while.
"Okay." He flushed hard. "If you think it will help..."
"I do."
He didn't exactly know where this was going, all Fu knew was he had neglected himself in this way for a very very long time, along with many other things. It had maybe been... a year? Not that he had tried it much before, even then. He felt too embarrassed and ashamed most of the time. The guilt made it hard to please himself in any way that mattered.
But- for whatever reason- as Fu peered past Hii's spot on his stomach to his own hardening length, he realized he was getting excited just by the idea of having Hii here with him. The mear thought of touching himself in front of Hii- when Hii could feel everything he was feeling, and hear everything he was thinking- was humiliating, but the shame was desirable somehow.
When he realized how it affected his body, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to his own rising penis. "So humiliating." He thought. "Rubbing one out while someone's watching. Especially Master Hii..."
"Pathetic, I agree." Hii mused, quietly. The tone of his voice held a mischievous sound. "You're already hard. So easy."
Fu huffed, reaching his hand out and grabbing the tip of his own head and slowly starting to rub the slit there. "Hii..." He whined, ever so slightly, "Please don't embarrass me more than I already am." He could swear Hii was trying to sound as suggestive as possible with his teasing. He groaned at the thought of that, pressing down on the head and squirming with pleasure.
He started to move his hand down to his shaft, slowly pumping up and down, as Hii rumbled on, "I can hear your thoughts idiot, you like when I call you names. I'm taking care of you, moron. Since you refuse to do it yourself."
Fu didn't like being called out like that, the embarrassment heated his insides and made him feel small. "Hii-" He tried to hold back an embarrassing sound, biting his lip as he pumped into his own fist like a bitch in heat.
"I didn't say you could hold back." Hii complained. "Moan."
The command itself sent a wave of pleasure down Fu's spine, his body reacted instantly not even giving him time not to obey. "Hng, shit~" Fu huffed, "Someone's gonna hear me-" He bit out in between grunts. He moaned more than the average person, probably and on top of that, he was loud. If anyone was passing by... "Ahmm~ huh! I don't- Fuck!" His mouth was obeying orders despite what he was trying to say. Being caught was a risky game, but then again, who would do anything? It was just embarrassing, nothing more.
"They don't matter." Hii spoke in his mind, once more supplying him with the thoughts he never spoke aloud. "I want to know you're enjoying this. Let me hear it."
Tears welled up in Fu's eyes. Hii took such good care of him. He always knew what was best, even before Fu did. Fu liked being loud- Hii knew that. It was a way of relieving stress in every situation, this was no exception to that.
"Fuck your fist, dumbass." Hii commanded him, "We don't have all night. I want you to sleep remember? Go hard."
Fu groaned, his heart fluttering at the command. His wrist started to move, slow and steady. It felt good, admittedly. "Hng~" He moaned loudly. "You're so good to me. Oh Hii~ yes! You're so good to me-"
Soon, his hips were starting to buck into it. His back arched in a needy way, trying to maximize this feeling even without orders from Hii to do so. By now he knew the goal. "That's right." Hii whispered softly in his head. Fu imagined him right against his ear and shamefully moaned at the thought. "Show me how needy you are. You want to be useful? Take care of my instrument."
"Friction- ah!" Fu groaned, helplessly. He must be a sorry sight indeed. "I don't have friction in here-"
"Stand up and face away from the water." Hii suggested. "One leg up on the outside of the tub."
Fu went to work instantly, his hand started to glide over his shaft, with less water in the way it started to gain friction. In one hand he held his own dick, and the other he squeezed Hii. He looked down at the sorry sight and a moan escaped his lips, "Fuck-" He breathed. "Hng~"
The fleeting idea that Hii could feel all of this too was so arousing he almost burst at the seems. The doll was the true host of Hii, but their mental connection was very strong due to the pact. Hii could take over when he wanted, he could feel this if he wanted.
The sight of the doll next to his own penis was shamefully arousing. The sight made him unconsciously start to fuck his own fist harder.
"You sick fuck." Hii sounded like he was grinning. It made Fu feel so good. "You like seeing my doll next to your sorry sight of a dick?"
Fu humped against his hand, breathless. "Yes~ Yes Master Hii." He couldn't keep the whine out of his voice. The lustfully gross sound that was starting to corrupt the room made him all the more needy with each slap and pop. "Fuck. I need-"
"Do it freak." Hii told him. "Show me what a needy bitch you are. I want you to prove how useful you can be to me today."
Fu didn't need to ask what he meant, he didn't frankly care as he brought the doll to his shaft and rubbed against it with a moan, the friction was so inviting and the shapes of the doll gave him different feelings all over. He hoped Hii could feel this. It was amazing. Hii deserved this feeling too.
"Good boy. Take care of yourself for me." Hii praised, and Fu could swear his voice sounded breathy. Did he like seeing Fu do this? Like- like like?
The praise felt odd, but not unwelcome. Fu used one hand to hold Hii's doll against his dick and the other to fuck against it.
He didn't have the patience to start slow now, Fu put his dick against the doll, breathing in heavy puffs now. "Shit, Hii! Anghh~" The textures of the wood felt so strange against him, he needed more. He pumped faster, bucking his hips with each thrust, trying to maximize the feeling. A wet slapping sound filled the room, loud enough to still be heard over the running water. He was wet as hell, pre-cum starting to drip out onto Hii's fur collar.
"Yeah. Rub one off on me, why don't ya?" Hii teased with a playfully disapproving tongue click, as if he hadn't brought this whole idea up. "So needy. You're so sad, Fu."
"Oh my god, Hii~!" Fu moaned, embarrassingly loud. He hoped no one could hear him, but the pleasure was too much to stop even if he didn't have orders to not hold back on his loudness. How could he explain to anyone that he fucked against his own doll if they asked what the noise was? How embarrassing. "You're so- so good to me! Thank you. Tha- thank you Master Hii~!"
"Go harder, idiot." Hii demanded, and Fu complied.
The knot built in his chest until he couldn't contain it anymore, it almost hurt how good it felt. Tears were streaming down his face, but not the bad kind. He was euphoric. The lust clouded his vision, he only had one thing in mind- a command: cum for me.
He came. White, thick, long, and heavy, all over the tile of the shower wall in front of him. Fu bit his tongue, moaning, "Hii, oh my god! Thank you!"
He rode out his own orgasm, sobbing with joy at the feeling as he grinded against Hii. The poor doll host was coated in cum.
The shower was loud after that. The only sound being the running water and his scattered huffs and moans as he tried to catch his breath.
"Do you feel better, moron?" Hii asked. His words were mean, but his tone was edged with concern.
"A little." Fu admitted, face hot with shame as he began to fully process what he had just done. He had really fucked against his own doll, and- he liked it. A lot.
Hii groaned in response. "Not good enough." He complained, "Get out of the shower and search the drawers under the sink."
Fu was confused, his legs still shaking from the aftershock of ejaculation as he moved to comply.
Hii hadn't specified to shut off the water, so he ignored it as he crossed the bathroom, dripping wet on his backside and still covered in cum on his front. He opened the drawer under the sink to search for whatever Hii wanted, only to yelp in surprise. "Wha- what is that?!"
"I grabbed it a while back when I was fronting." Hii admitted, a bit of shame creeping into his voice that Fu pretended not to notice. "You've... been needing to relieve some building tension and stress for a while. It has taken a toll on your health. I just didn't know how to bring this... method up."
Fu gulped, the dildo was bigger than anything Fu had tried to stick up his own ass before- that being his own fingers for a total of, one time a while back. It was big and curved, Fu wasn't certain he could get it in.
"Back in the shower." Hii supplied him with commands. "The water is fine enough lube. It has a suction cup. Stick it to the floor. Ride it for me."
The wording, "For me" made the space in-between Fu's legs start to throb again, even so soon after cumming. "Yessir." Fu complied.
Sticking the toy to the shower floor was the easy part, lowering himself down on it was the hard part. "You need to stretch yourself." Hii advised him. "Use your fingers. Hold me in the other hand."
Fu did just that, spreading his legs and sticking one finger in his entrance, moving until he could add another finger. By the time he got to three he was hard again, his penis was practically throbbing to the beat of his heart again. He needed-
"Ride it." Hii commanded.
And so Fu did.
Slowly, he lowered himself onto the toy, feeling the stretch open him up more than his fingers ever could. He choked on a pleasurable sob, tears already forming in the corners of his eyes again. He held Hii in one hand, the doll still covered in cum from before, though it was slowly being washed away by the shower now.
"Slowly let yourself down." Hii told him. "Don't hurt yourself. That defeats the purpose of this whole thing. Be careful."
Fu nodded, unable to speak without moaning. It hurt a bit, but the longer he spent on it the more he widened and the faster pain became pleasure. Gravity was helping him slide down, his body adjusting to the width as the dildo forced it's way into him.
Fu felt full when he managed to slide the six inches inside of him, "Ohh~" He shuddered, looking down at his own stomach, he could see a small bulge. Evidence that he was fucking himself silly on a silicone dick.
"Move. Now." Hii commanded, he almost sounded whiny?
Fu didn’t need to be told twice. He lifted himself up, feeling the pleasure press against his insides slowly as the width left him, only for him to drop back down again and feel himself fill out once more. "Hmm~" He groaned. "This feel-! Feels st-strangenghh~"
"Do you like it?"
Fu shuddered once more at Hii's question. He moved himself up and down on the toy, "Y-yes." He answered, honest.
"Then keep going."
Fu felt the tears streaming down his cheeks as he slid up and down the toy, one of his hands had found it's way to his own penis again, stroking it in rhythm with his hips. "Ahng~!" He almost shouted a moan, a burst of pleasure shooting up his spine and making his dick twitch. "Whahhng! What was that?"
"Your prostate. Aim for that."
Fu did so, angling his hips the same way he had done before, eventually finding the same bunch of sensitive nodes that made him moan/shout. "Hng~!!!" He moaned loudly, not caring at all anymore how this might sound to anyone walking the halls. "Yes! That feels so good!"
"Faster." Hii commanded, "Do the same thing as before with your hands. Fuck yourself silly for me."
"For me." There it was again. Fu felt a devilish smile creeping onto his face as he rode himself into ecstasy, humping against the doll at the same rate he slid up and down the toy, like Hii had told him to.
"Yes. So good-" Hii sounded winded, just like Fu. "Good boy~"
Right as Hii said that, he hit his prostate again with a shout, "Oh fuck!~" He moaned/yelled, practically screaming with pleasure. "Yes, Hii! Yes!"
He hadn't even realized he had started imagining it was Hii inside of him. It was funny too, Hii did not have a body of his own. He was an idea. He either looked like a doll or he looked just like Fu. But, Fu wasn't imagining himself or the doll. It was more like- the concept of Hii was fucking him and that alone was sending him off the rails.
"Shit~ so good." Fu moaned out, "You feel so good." The dildo or the doll, Fu wasn't sure what he was talking about. If it was one or both? He wasn't making sense even to himself.
"Such a good boy-" Hii practically purred, his voice ended in what could have only been a whimper and that sent Fu over the edge.
He came- harder than before and without Hii having to tell him. For whatever reason, Hii's praise felt like command enough. "OH YES~! HII!" Fu sobbed, riding out his orgasm once more. "So nice! Hng~ you're so nice!"
Once more he was left to breathe in what he had just done after he came. The dildo was still inside him, he didn't frankly feel the energy to pull it out. He could be a good cockwarmer, he distantly thought. He was dazed enough to still be imagining it as Hii's real dick.
"Take it out." Hii told him though, voice unusually gentle for Hii. Hii himself sounded tired. "Turn off the water and get dry. You're going to bed."
Fu held back a moan as he lifted himself off the dildo and unstuck it from the shower floor. He turned off the shower and threw it back in the drawer, noting it's placement in the back of his mind. "I need to wash you off." Fu said, embarrassed.
"Quickly." Hii told him. "You're exhausted."
Fu absently washed Hii off in the sink before drying both himself and the doll off in a towel the Cleaners had provided.
He stepped out of the bathroom and picked out the clothes Hii told him to wear- something comfortable.
"It worked." Fu said absently, accompanied by a yawn. "I feel better, honest."
"Good." Hii said and Fu blushed a little. "Now go to sleep. We have stuff to do tomorrow."
"Yes, Master Hii." Fu said. "Thank you, Hii."
"You're welcome."