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You can see to the end of the world on a clear day, up there on the clock tower. The distant sun, the train tracks that follow it. The hills and the trees, in the place they call home. Little houses closer in, full of people who love.
And right there on the tower, your friend. You love him. It’s been years since you’ve loved.
You were afraid you forgot how.
Roxas was watching as Lea finished the popsicle. Like he was waiting for something.
“Hey, what is it?” said Lea.
“Oh,” the kid smiled shyly. “It just looks like neither of us are winners today.”
Lea took a look at the popsicle stick.
“I guess not,” he said. “Hope it’s not breaking your heart.”
Roxas laughed. He really laughed.
“Maybe we’re winners anyway,” said the kid.
Lea ruffled his hair. He was laughing, too.
“So,” he said to the kid. “You like having a heart so far?”
Roxas didn’t have to answer. You could see it in his eyes. He was sparkling like a baby deer.
“The ice cream is SO GOOD,” he said.
“Told ya,” Lea chuckled.
“Yeah,” said the kid. “Just like everything else.”
His hand touched down on Lea’s. He’d never looked so happy.
“Axel,” said Roxas. “You said you’d teach me about love. If we ever had hearts.”
He did say that, didn’t he?
“Well,” said Lea. “What do you want to know?”
He felt Roxas’s hand squeeze him tighter.
“Will you kiss me now? Axel?”
He’d promised, hadn’t he?
The kid was looking up at him. The same way he used to. Open and sweet.
Lea moved his hand. His name was Lea.
He wasn’t looking at the kid. But he felt him there, burning like the sun.
“I’m sorry,” said Lea. “I can’t do that anymore.”
“What?” said the kid. “Why not?”
“I just… I never should have done it in the first place.”
The kid rustled. Lea couldn’t look at him.
“But I thought you LIKED me,” said Roxas.
“Yeah, I did. I do. We’re friends.”
“So why won’t you kiss me?” said Roxas.
Lea closed his eyes and took a breath.
“You’re not gonna like my answer.”
“But I want to know!”
“Okay,” said Lea. He looked. Roxas was waiting. Open and sweet. “It’s because you’re a kid, and I’m a grown-up.”
Roxas blinked, like someone who took a nasty hit but didn’t feel it yet.
“But we kissed BEFORE,” he said.
“Yeah, well,” said Lea. “I shouldn’t have made you do it.”
“You didn’t make me!”
“Then I shouldn’t have even offered.”
“But…” Roxas looked down. “But it was nice.”
Lea sighed.
“Yeah. I’m sorry it was.”
“Why are you sorry!” Roxas glared at him.
“You didn’t KNOW anything,” said Lea. “And I was fucking stupid. Guess I didn’t know anything, either.”
“How am I gonna learn if no one teaches me anything?” said Roxas.
“Look, I don’t have all the answers,” said Lea. “Can we just not have this conversation right now?”
“You said YOU were the grown-up!”
“Grown-ups suck, okay? I’m sorry, I mean it.”
“I don’t know WHAT you mean anymore!”
There were tears coming down the kid’s face. Real tears. Real hurt.
That’s the thing about hearts.
“How ‘bout you hit me,” Lea said to him. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
Roxas hit him across the face. He’d always been strong for his size.
Lea put a hand over the sting. Shit hurts more when you got a heart.
“There,” he said to Roxas. “Did that help?”
Roxas gave him another one.