Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Things aren’t going well for Louis and Harry.

They cease to communicate anymore. They never have anything to say to each other, no more than a few words to exchange in the morning and just before they go to sleep. It’s painfully obvious their relationship is hanging by a thread but they both choose to ignore it and pretend everything is fine.

Louis throws himself at his work. He takes his job as a lawyer seriously, he knows how hard he worked to get to this point in his career. It’s important to him. He works with clients, helps them with their court cases alongside his partner, Liam. Whenever it gets too hard at home, whenever it feels like they won’t make it through a particular argument, he tends to just bury himself in work.

Harry continues to do what he does, too. He stays at home with their three children, the twins and the eldest daughter. He does the housework, the cleaning up and the cooking and he tends to every need of their children.

Yet, their problems feel never-ending.

The fights first begins with Louis not having enough time for their children… like ever. Let alone having time for his husband. Louis starts work early in the morning, only enough time to drop a kiss to his husband and their three children before leaving the house in a hurry and not returning way past bedtime. Louis’ always busy, is the thing, with his clients, paperwork, working towards deadline of court cases. Being a lawyer is demanding and Louis’ not naturally academically bright, he has to struggle and work hard to get by and prove his abilities.

Louis retorts with the fact Harry doesn’t try hard enough. He doesn’t attempt to understand Louis’ schedule. Despite the absence, Louis’ still working for the family, working until he can barely breathe to supply for the family. Harry doesn’t give him enough credit for the hard work. Harry pulls away, distances himself every time he’s late for dinner or when he accidentally misses a date night. He purposely puts a barrier between them, straining their marriage further.
But this particular day, he’s finishing up a case and writing up his final statement when his phone rings.

Harry.

He immediately stumbles, reaching over and picking up before wasting a single second. Louis misses Harry, craves for any communication, any conversation the two of them can muster. Plus, it’s a pleasant surprise to receive a call from Harry during the day. It rarely happens anymore.

“Harry?” Louis breathes through the phone, hoping the desperation in his tone isn’t painfully obvious.

“Daddy…” It’s Lola, the eldest daughter. There’s a tiny shake in her voice, her voice barely audible as she whimpers into the phone.

Louis’ heart skips a beat, straightening himself on his chair. He feels the first wave of panic settling in his chest from the tone of voice Lola lets off.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” He asks, trying hard to keep his voice leveled because he’s sure he’ll just scare Lola off further.

Lola lets out a little whimper again and then breathes heavily down the phone. Louis waits, he doesn’t want to push his daughter to talk and in turn, make her cry or stress her out. He waits even though his skin is crawling with the urgency to know. He wants to wipe away anything she’s feeling.

“Are you busy, daddy?” She asks after a few moments.

“No, I’m not,” Louis lies right through his teeth.

“Can you come home. Please.”

It’s not a question, it’s an order. Lola wants Louis home and wants him home now. His eyes fall to the paperwork awaiting for him on his desk and he feels another wave of panic washing over him. He can take it home, he can try to complete it where he knows what the hell is going on.

“Is everything okay?” Louis asks, getting up from where he sits and stuffing all the papers into his bag, preparing to leave.

“Papa’s not well. He seems.. Weird.”

The third wave of panic, this time heavy and not blooming well in his chest. “What’s wrong with Papa, Lola?”

“He’s sad, daddy. He says you make him sad. Why do you make him sad, Daddy?”

Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

They have a rule to never let the kids know if anything’s wrong, not wanting to stress them out. Lola takes it hard upon herself whenever they argue, always locking herself in her room and crying out loud. Louis can’t take it, knowing there’s a wall between him and his daughter whenever she breaks down and he can’t comfort her, can’t reach over and feel her. The twins, Shane and Noah, are only three-year-old, they don’t understand but they still have wide eyes and shocked expressions whenever they witness an argument. Still, Louis and Harry plaster on smiles and promise it’s all right for the kids.

Why the fuck was Harry telling Lola. It was their only rule.

“I’m sorry, Lola. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m coming home right now, yeah?”

“Quick.” Is her only last request before she hangs up, leaving Louis still clutching the phone hard to his ear and his heart still beating right out of his chest. He packs up the last of his things, puts his mug in the sink and then knocks on Liam’s door.

Liam, his partner, is just as a hard worker as he is. He’s married to Sophia and they want to try for their first baby but Liam’s always tied down at the office. They work together on their cases, two brilliant minds is better than one. They’ve managed to form a close, good relationship together. Louis appreciates Liam more than he’ll ever let on, has managed to find a gem of a friend.

“Louis?” He asks as soon as Louis walks through, pulling at his hair.

“Can you take over any calls I get, I’ll get Sylvia to transfer them to you?”

“Um. I mean, of course?” Liam says. “Is everything okay, Lou?”

“Lola called and she was close to crying, going on about Harry being upset so I gotta get home and see what’s going on.”

Liam frowns, nodding solemnly. “I’ll handle everything here, you go home and sort things out with your family. Let me know if everything’s good?”

Louis nods. He’s so grateful for Liam, words will never express his love for this boy. He comes closer, leaning down to kiss him on the cheeks.

“Thank you, mate,” and then he leaves the office. He takes the elevator down, pressing the car park button twice as if it’ll make the lift go any faster.

Louis leaves the building, starts up his car and drives home as fast as he can. It’s barely 5pm and this is the first time in months he’s coming home so early. He feels urgency swimming through his organs as he breaks speed limits and finally arrives at the road of his neighbourhood but relief doesn’t take over the more pessimistic emotions. Instead, his negative feelings multiply as he takes a deep breath and cuts off the engine. He unlocks the front door, walking in hesitantly.

“Daddy,” Lola’s the first to run to the door, her voice sounding as solemn as on the phone as she hugs his legs.

Louis can begin to wipe away the bad feelings, one by one because for starters, Lola isn’t mad at him. Judging by the hug. He attempts to smile, bending down to pick her up and pull her into his chest. Lola’s the eldest daughter, she’s 5 and soon going to turn 6 but still growing so fast.

“You okay, my love?” His small voice reserved just for her, kissing her hair and easily carrying her down the hallway.

Lola doesn’t answer, trying to snuggle further into his chest. She’s warm and she smells pleasant, like fresh laundry. Louis breathes her in, inhaling deeply.

“I’m good but.”

He understands. “Where’s Papa?”

“Papa gardening. Noah and Shane are in their room.”

Louis nods, giving her a back a little rub before letting her down. He guides her through the kitchen to the garden door that’s open, keeping a hand on her back. Sure enough, Harry’s in the garden with a hose in his hand to water the flowers and plants. Though his back is turned to Louis, Louis can tell he’s wearing a see-through grey top, sweats and his hair is pulled up in a bun. Louis loves his hair like that. His body language is slouched over the plants and Louis feels an urge to walk over and hug him from behind. He resists though, feeling hundred miles away from his husband though he stands right before him.

“Lola, you go upstairs to the twins, okay?” Louis instructs Lola, crouching down to her level and giving her forehead a kiss. She listens and obeys, walking away. Louis wishes he had more words to give to her, to comfort her but he’s so out of his element with this situation. He’s never been called home from work except the time their surrogate was giving birth.

Louis walks out to the garden. “Honey…” he calls for Harry, his voice soft and delicate, trying to assess the situation. “I’m home..” he announces his arrival.

He notices how Harry tenses up almost immediately, hands clutching around the hose but he doesn’t turn around to greet Louis. He gulps, nodding a little to himself and trying to ignore the burning sensation in his chest as he faces Harry’s turned back.

“I came home early because Lola called me. I’m worried about you.”

Harry still doesn’t turn around to face him.

“She said you were sad and that you were acting weird. Is everything okay? Talk to me, Harry. Please.”

There’s still no answer. Right. Well then.

Louis decides not to push him. He’ll come to Louis himself, when he’s ready. He knows his husband inside and out, knows Harry needs his space when he’s in a mood like this but likes the comfort of knowing someone is there for him. Louis is, he’ll always be here for him.

“I’m going to go and say hello to the boys, okay?” Louis tells him, just in case. “I’ll be here, I’ll make dinner today.” He tries to shrug off the hurt settling in his chest from the rejection. He can’t shake it off, no matter how much he understands this situation.

So, Louis walks away though he wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around Harry and hold him close. He knows he’ll be pushing it considering all they’ve done is argue, throw words at each other in this past week. He’s not sure if Harry even wants to touch him. Louis walks away to the stairs, taking two at a time before he regrets his decision of leaving Harry alone. He knocks lightly at the twins’ room.

“Papa?” Shane calls out, his voice wavering.

Louis sighs a little. They don’t expect Louis to be home this soon so they automatically assume it’s Harry. He opens the door a crack, sticking his head in and pulling his tongue at the two boys. His boys.

Shane squeals in excitement, abandoning his car toys and jumping up to embrace Louis. He immediately opens his arms, letting the boy fall into them. Noah’s not far behind, also falling into Louis’ arm. The previous sting from Harry’s rejection fades away as he melts into the handful of his twins. He leans down, peppering kisses all over their faces despite their groans.

“You’re home early!” Noah mutters against his biceps.

“I am,” Louis affirms, nodding. “Are you surprised?”

“Yes!”

“Have you been good today, my boys?”

They both nod despite Noah’s displeased expression. “Papa angry today,” he huffs, looking annoyed as he snuggles into his chest. “I’m happy you’re here.”

Harry must’ve had a go at the twins for them to look so annoyed by the mention of his name. Louis sighs heavier this time, he knows when Harry’s in a mood, the way he acts and the way he holds himself like he’s sure he can handle this all on his own. Harry’s normally a ball of sunshine, of optimism and positivity squeezed all into one. He’s always full of great ideas, always smiling. But he’s only human and every human is allowed to have a fall.

“Did you upset papa?” Louis asks with narrowed eyes

“No.” Noah mumbles.

“Okay, boys. That’s good. My good boys, yeah? Let me get changed, I’ll prepare dinner.”

Louis lets go of the boys and walks into his bedroom. It’s messy and the bed has not been made. He stares at the bed for a few seconds before withdrawing from his thoughts and changing into more comfortable sweats, putting his dress shoes in the wardrobe. He sticks a headband into his hair, pulling it out of his face and walks back into the kitchen.

Harry’s in the kitchen now, still not looking up and making eye contact with Louis. But he’s sniffling a little and it’s clear he’s started crying since Louis last talked to him.

Louis’ heart drops and he no longer cares about holding a grudge or giving space. All the arguments from yesterday and the day before fade away, no longer even existing as he quickly walks over to Harry’s side at the kitchen island and instantly embracing him. He holds Harry close and tight, not wanting to waste another second not touching him. There’s a second or two of silence before Harry starts sobbing, his body shaking with the force of his tears and he clutches onto Louis.

Louis feels bewildered, not expecting this but he doesn’t mind. He holds him, stroking Harry’s hair despite how his chest aches and how he wants to take all the pain away from him. They don’t speak.

Until.

“Harry..”

“Don’t.”

“Babe.”

“Please,” Harry pleads, his voice barely audible, shaky. “Please.”

Louis’ not sure what he’s requesting but he nods anyway. He’d give anything to Harry, anything the boy asks for. They stay in each other’s arms for a little while longer, Harry sitting on the stool and Louis standing, holding Harry close to his chest.

After a few minutes pass, Harry begins to pull away. Louis retracts his arms, letting them fall limp at his sides. He craves Harry’s warmth and touch almost immediately straight after, hating how weak he can be for him.

“I’m going to make dinner, okay?” Louis’ voice is low, matching Harry’s. “I’ll make us something else since I’m making the kids mac and cheese and I’m sure you won’t appreciate the calories and what not.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

Harry nods so Louis leans down and kisses his hair. They don’t kiss on the lips, they haven’t for a while and Louis wonders when he’ll be allowed to taste him again. He doesn’t force it, though. He doesn’t push his luck after their torturous few months, always at war with each other. So, he takes what he gets and makes the most out of it even if his hands shake from how he needs to feel Harry more, touch him more.

Harry walks into the living room, leaving Louis alone with his thoughts. As much as he wants to follow after his husband, cuddle up to him and put on a movie they both know would cheer Harry up. He doesn’t. He stands in the kitchen, collecting the broken pieces of heart and putting it back together to gather the courage to begin dinner. He pulls out the bowls, the ingredients and starts making the mac and cheese like he knows at the back of his hand.

Lola wanders into the kitchen sometime later, tears brimming her wide green eyes as she stares at Louis. His chest swallows him whole, the pain of it all taking over as he drops his spatula, immediately walking over to Lola and hold her.

“Are you and papa mad at each other?” She asks.

Louis freezes, all the emotions hitting him all again for the hundredth time today. He doesn’t want his daughter to doubt his and Harry’s marriage, relationship. He doesn’t want her to feel afraid about their relationship.

“No, Lola, nothing’s wrong. We’re not mad at each other.” He tries to reassure her though he knows he’s lying. He keeps lying, day in and day out and he’s so sick and tired of it.

Lola doesn’t seem convinced. “But you always shout at each other.”

“I… yes. We do, sometimes. It happens when you’ve been married for a long time.”

Lola hums like she understands, sighing as she pushes away from the embrace and attempts to muster a smile. She’s trying to be brave for her father's and Louis’ chest pings. “I think I’m going back to my room,” she lets him know, pushing past him and returning to go upstairs.

Louis lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, wanting to go after Lola. He doesn’t, like he doesn’t do anything nowadays and feels genuinely awful. Is this all his fault? Is this the result of his long hours, working and slaving away? Did he cause this, Harry crying and Lola doubting them? He’s spent so much time blaming Harry, accusing Harry when has it really stemmed right from himself? Louis can’t bite away the bitterness building up inside him, letting it bubble inside of him as he cooks the pasta and the cheese.

When he’s done cooking, preparing the meal in less than thirty minutes, he calls the twins and Lola down. The twins run down first, taking their assigned seats on the dining table and thanking Louis. Lola saunters down next, a book clutched to her chest as she places it down on the table and sits down.

“Where’s papa?” She questions.

“In the living room, I’m going to go and get him now.”

Once he’s assured that the children are enjoying their meal and conversing in conversation with each other, he leaves the dining room and walks into the front door. He’s about to say something, inform Harry to come into the living room.

But, Harry’s passed out on the sofa, his eyes shut but his eyelids fluttering as he breathes evenly. He looks majestic. He looks peaceful, curls falling down his face and all frown lines smoothed out. Louis feels a surge of affection as he leans down, kissing Harry’s forehead softly.

“Babe,” he whispers, “dinner’s ready.”

Harry opens his eyes slowly, bloodshot, clear he’s been crying for a while. He looks exhausted, rubbing his eyes and Louis takes a step back, giving him space.

“Already?”

“Mmhmm. Come on.”

Louis reaches out of his hand and surprisingly, Harry takes it as he gets up from the sofa. Louis smiles wide, leading him to the dining room with their fingers twined. He doesn’t miss Lola’s bright smile that follows, too. He pulls the chair out for Harry who mutters a thanks, sitting down and Louis returns to his own chair.

Finally, all five of them start eating.

The twins particularly love mac and cheese, it’s their favourite and they always ask for it to be prepared for dinner. It’s no surprise now how Shane compliments the food and how Noah asks for another plate full. Louis grants his wishes, putting more mac and cheese in for Noah.

They eat in silence but it’s not far as suffering as it should feel, in fact, it’s relatively comfortable. Louis loves this. He loves spending time with his family, when it’s just the five of them, eating together at dinner like a routine. Louis wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world.

Eventually, they all finish and Harry helps to collect the plates with Lola’s aid. They wash the dishes together, Harry handing her the wet, washed dishes as Lola wipes them dry and puts them away in their allocated cupboards.

Louis settles with Shane and Noah in the living room, flicking the TV to disney channel and they all snuggle up together. It’s only an hour until bedtime and he wants to spend this few moments of absolute peace with his twins. After a few minutes, Lola and Harry stroll into the living room and settle on the opposite couch.

They watch TV together in silence. Every now and then, Shane will exclaim in surprise at the events occurring in the show, causing him and Noah to erupt into a full conversation. Lola will whisper a few words to Harry who begins to look increasingly uncomfortable but attempts to smile through it.

“It’s time for Shane and Noah’s bedtime.” Harry mutters, directed towards Louis like he actually has to remind him.

“I know, Harry.” He snaps, not able to resist his tone of voice and the bitter tone as he gets up. He may not be around the house often enough nowadays but he hasn’t forgotten how things run around here. He gets up from the sofa without a second glance backwards, not wanting to look at Harry’s expression.

Louis takes the twins upstairs, waits outside the bathroom door as the twins brush their teeth and wash their faces. Louis tucks them into bed, telling them the events of his day and soon enough, Shane and Noah pass out on their separate single beds. Louis stands there for a few moments, observing his boys and feeling blessed to have such perfect children. He leans down, kissing them both on the forehead before exiting their room.

Lola’s come up to sleep as well, waiting for Louis. He smiles, repeating the routine with her and taking her into her bedroom. Once she’s cuddled up in bed, she looks up to him apprehensively.

“Will you and papa be okay?”

Louis reaches out and holds her hands, giving it a squeeze and nodding. “What’s with the questions, hmm?” He tilts his head to the side, trying to observe her emotions through her expressions. “We’ll be just fine.”

“You two never talk anymore.”

“It doesn’t mean me and your papa aren’t okay, yeah, babe?”

“Promise?”

Louis squeezes his eyes shut for a brief second before ushering out a hushed. “Promise,” though he’s lying. Because he doesn’t know. Because they’re probably not okay judging the past months.

God. It’s been a month or so since he’s properly touched Harry, felt him, pushed into him and fucked him fast and hard just like he likes. His hands ache Harry’s, they tremble and he needs Harry’s touch. It’s been a month since he’s really kissed Harry, not just a quick peck, a proper snog with tongue. It’s been way too long and yet, they seem to be carrying on like everything is completely fine.

Lola attempts to smile, nodding as she snuggles into her blanket and lets her eyes flutter shut.

When Louis makes his way back downstairs, he’s ready to talk to Harry. He’s given the boy the entire day to collect his thoughts but now, Louis wants to talk. He wants to know what’s been eating away at Harry, is it him? He wants to know why Harry was crying, he wants to comfort him and soothe any questions Harry has. He wants to kiss him, kiss him over and over until Harry is healed.

But when he walks into the living room, Harry’s already fallen back to sleep. His hands still curled around his phone, his other arm cuddling a cushion.

Louis feels his heart soar with affection but also pain. He softly prys the phone out of his hand, placing it down on the table gently. He doesn’t wake him up, can’t when Harry looks peaceful and instead, walks back upstairs and falls asleep early.

~

The next morning, Louis’ brought back to life when Liam calls him into work.

He wants to ignore the call, wants to take the day off but he knows it must be a new case if he’s being called in. Louis groans, throwing his phone back on the bed and getting up. He almost wishes Harry had somehow gotten up during the night, came up and joined Louis in bed but it’s obviously not the case. His side of the bed is still empty. He takes a shower, standing for extra long under the spray of the warm water as he drags a hand through his hair. He gets dressed and then goes into the twins room, waking them up.

Noah isn’t a morning person, groans, grumbles and complains but eventually walks into the bathroom. Shane waits. Louis walks into Lola’s room who’s already awake. He smiles, greeting her good morning before walking down the stairs.

Harry’s awake too, sitting on the sofa and texting someone. His eyes don’t follow up to Louis when he walks into the living room. So, back to this awkward silence and never communicating with each other. Not even looking at each other.

“Morning.” Louis greets him anyway because he wants to hope tomorrow had a change on their current relationship. That somehow, being home for a little while longer might’ve helped Harry feel less resentment towards him.

Harry hums. “Morning.” Nope. The tone is bitter.

“You feeling better?” He pushes on though.

“Never been better.”

And that’s that. The conversation comes to an end. Louis grits his teeth, not wanting to feel so annoyed but he can’t help it. After everything, Harry can’t even talk to him properly, he’s always building walls around himself, pushing Louis away. After fifteen years of combining their lives together, Louis feels afraid for their future, for the first time.

Louis makes himself a protein shake, drinking it as he leaves the house without another word and begins to drive to work. He should’ve stay, he knows, but he also can’t bare to spend another minute in a house where he’s constantly at war with his own husband. Louis doesn’t know where it all went wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it either. He pulls into his usual driving space in the car park, not giving himself a second to catch up as he enters the building.

Louis’ been a qualified lawyer for almost eight years now. Mostly, he worked in low-budget firms, barely getting any cases and finding himself doing the receptionist work more than anything in the beginning. But his hard work and continuous efforts paid off now that he represents one of the biggest criminal law firms in the UK. He works with a range of people, some criminals that are guilty of crimes and some innocent victims, wrongly accused. Louis doesn’t care. He just fights the case presented to him, normally always walking out with a victorious win. His reputation has grown as one of the best, the hardest working, the most dedicated to his job. It’s no wonder he’s become so increasingly busy in the past year. With reputation comes responsibility.

Liam’s waiting by his office, as usual, the devoted partner. Louis’ worked with Liam since the first day of starting at this firm. Liam was the less experienced but just as eager, always wanting to please Louis with his talents and Louis can’t help but feel a surreal amount of love for his best friend.

“Good morning!” Louis chirps, despite feeling quite the opposite, grabbing the cup of coffee in Liam’s hands. It’s black, brilliant.

Liam frowns. “That was actually mine.”

“Now it’s mine!” Louis takes a sip, walking into his office and putting his bag down. “How was yesterday, were you able to handle it all?”

Liam scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Mate, I can definitely hold the place down for one night.”

“Never doubted you either.”

Liam just laughs, handing over a new folder. As expected, a new case.

Louis takes it of him. “Pro bono?”

“Yep.”

“Great,” Louis smiles. He never really minds a pro bono case here and there. He’s a lawyer because he believes in the system and wants to defend people. He doesn’t do it for money, though it’s a nice incentive. He opens the folder, flicking through the papers and reading the case. “Oh.. god,” he mutters.

Liam nods. “Yup. Female, 23, accused of murdering her husband. She was found in the apartment next to the dead husband’s body, knife in her hand and blood all over her hands.”

“Did she do it?”

“We’ll find out, won’t we?”

“You wanna work on this with me, if you have no other cases?” Louis asks, taking another sip of his bitter coffee to soothe the discomfort growing in his chest as he reads her statement. God, this feels like a challenging one. A case that’ll Louis inevitably become attached to.

“Of course. What else would I do?”

So, the two of them decide to pay the woman a visit in jail where she’s being currently held. Louis introduces himself, sitting opposite the girl. The girl, Daisy - he learns, is distant and not very open at first. She’s difficult to co-operate with, barely answering their invasive questions and refusing to give out deals and Louis feels frustrated. He wants to help his clients but he can’t if he can’t get through to them.

Liam notices the growing tension, swiftly taking over. “Daisy, is it? We are your lawyers and we want to help you, trust us.”

“You can’t help me.” She mumbles stubbornly, crossing her arms.

“Yes, we can. We can fight your case and give you a chance but we need to know if you did this. We need to know every part of the story, you have to trust us and let us in so we can give the best kind of help you require.”

It takes a while longer before Daisy to finally relax, admitting she didn’t mean to commit the crime, she’d never want to intentionally hurt her husband. She starts listing the injustice the husband caused her, how he’d hit her, how he’d hold her down and rape her and when she just had enough - she snapped. In self defence. However, it went too far and too quickly and then she was standing before her husband’s dead body.

Louis thinks he can really work with this. It’s definitely not something he’s attempted to tackle before but he loves a challenge. It won’t be difficult to argue the self defence angle. He takes notes, writing down every detail of her verbal statement.

When their session is over, he stands up and shakes her hand. “Thank you, Daisy. I promise I won’t let you down.”

It’s a heavy promise, one he doesn’t like to reassure his clients with but just watching the hopeful smile she gives him is enough. He leaves the place feeling like he may just have a mini panic attack. Liam is observant, immediately hugs Louis and whispers soothing words to him and rubbing his back before leading him back to the car. Liam drives, not trusting Louis’ current state of mind to be able to do so.

“That was… difficult,” Liam comments first, breaking the growing silence between them.

“She’s so fucking young,” Louis spits, feeling angered at the helpless situation Daisy’s been put in. “She’s only 23 and yet. She’s been hurt, beaten down, wiped of any self-esteem, confidence. Now, she’s in jail and awaiting trial. Fuck. None of it is fucking fair.”

“She’s going to be just fine. We’ll work this case hard, yeah? We always do, we always win.”

Louis hums though it doesn’t settle the distaste in his voice and the way his heart is threatening to bounce right out of his chest. Liam drives Louis home instead of back to the office, promising he’ll stop later tonight to drop his things off but insisting Louis needs a rest after the demanding day.

Louis’ thankful, could never ask for a better partner than Liam. He knocks on the door considering he’s left his keys at the office. Harry opens the door, looking surprised to see him but smiles. It’s a faint smile but it’s still present. He’s dressed in sweats and a tank top, his hair pulled back in his bun. He looks effortlessly beautiful.

“You going to keep surprising me with these early visits?” Harry asks with his brows arched.

Louis doesn’t want to fucking speak. He doesn’t want to speak ever again. He cuts the distance between them, pulling Harry into his chest and going lax in his husband's strong arms. He wants to forget all about Daisy for today. He wants to forget about his work, the paperwork, the demand and the stress. He just wants to be with his husband.

Harry tenses for a moment but only to relax completely too, holding him and anchoring him down. “What’s wrong, Lou?”

“Don’t wanna speak,” he mutters.

Harry doesn’t push it, he leads Louis into the house and to the living room. “Can I get you anything, babe? Water?”

Louis nods. Harry walks off, quickly opening the cupboard and pouring a glass of cold water with two ice cubes and handing it over. He takes it off him, muttering his thanks before gulping the cold water down in one go. God.

Harry looks more concerned now. “Lou, you look..”

“Shit? Tired?” Louis supplies, biting his lip as he rips off the tie.

Harry offers him a sympathetic smile despite still looking worried sick. “You look beautiful.” He pauses. “Did anything happen, what’s going on?”

“Hard day.”

Harry sighs, not wasting another second to stand by the door uselessly. He pulls Louis into his side, sitting down besides him and snaking an arm around his waist to hold him close. They refuse to look at each other but Louis has missed this. It’s familiar, it’s warmth spreading through his entire body. It’s what he knows. It’s home. He pushes every event of today out of his mind, the look of desperation in Daisy’s eyes when he walked away. Louis feels everything hitting him hard all at once whilst being twined in Harry’s arms and he pushes back tears threatening to spill. Nope. Not now.

“What case was it?” Harry whispers, his head resting on top of Louis’. He’s so gentle with his words, tracing patterns on the back of Louis’ back to soothe him. He knows the effect it has on him.

Louis snuggles further into Harry’s side, burying his head into his chest and trying to take slow breaths.

“Murder, some girl murdered her abusive husband.”

“Oh, fuck.” Harry curses under his breath. “Darling,” he whispers. He knows how hard Louis takes the cases upon him, how he takes it as his own responsibility. “I know you can do this.”

Louis hums. He doesn’t want to return to work, he doesn’t want to write notes down and build the case. He doesn’t want anything but this and Harry.

“Can we go to bed and take a nap, please?” Louis requests.

Harry doesn’t protest, he simply nods and leads Louis upstairs. They get into bed together, barely touching. Louis wants to reach over, he wants to feel every bump and curve on Harry’s body. He wants to kiss Harry all over, his face, his stomach, his thighs. Louis wants to fuck Harry, too. He wants to push into Harry’s heat, embrace the tightness, thrust into him starting slow and deep but then hard and fast. He wants to Harry begging for it, watch him fall apart. He wants it all. Instead, Louis stays close to his side of his bed and keeps his hands to himself.

Louis falls steadily into a nap wondering where the hell everything went to shit.

~

The next week passes like a blur.

Louis gets invested in Daisy’s case completely. He puts his head right down into his papers, burying himself and never coming up for a breath for fresh air. He’s fighting for her, for young life that’s been wrongly accused. He’s collecting any evidence, medical reports, voice recordings, text messages - anything that’ll justify her actions. At this point, he’s not sure whether it’s guaranteed prison time but he can work towards it being reduced as much as possible.

Liam is right by his side through it all, guiding him, completing paperwork and helping Louis through it all. He fills in for the early mornings where Louis’ exhausted himself from the long hours and catches up on anything Louis misses.

Harry doesn’t talk to Louis.

He simply greets him at the door, muttering some awkward sentence about dinner being prepared and in the fridge for him to warm up before he walks away and goes to bed.

Louis wants to pull him to one side. He wants to explain to Harry about what’s eating him up, taking up all his time, he wants to express his concern and his devotion to this case. He wants to talk until he physically can’t anymore. He wants to press apologises into Harry’s skin, mark him and bruise him. But he doesn’t. He’s already busy with his own woes and spends any free time with his children instead of Harry.

The truth is, Louis hadn’t anticipated the stress he would be taking on willingly when he accepted this pro bono case. He hadn’t imagined it being this hard. But now with Daisy’s first trial date coming up, he can’t afford an argument with Harry. He’d rather live with the silence and work hard. There’s a life at stake.

Louis and Liam are just finishing up the day at the office, they had met Daisy earlier and talked through the procedure at the court and how it all pans out. Daisy seemed a little more optimistic than before now that there’s new details, new evidence and her case seems much more stronger. Louis shakes her hand, promising her the best.

“Sophia and I would like to invite you to a dinner party tomorrow night. Niall will be there too, of course.”

Louis raises his brow, eyes falling on the clock that indicates it’s past 6pm. “A bit of a late notice, don’t ya think?”

“I realise but Sophia has been wanting to for ages and tomorrow we finish early - seems like the perfect timing.”

Louis hums, nodding. He’s sure Harry wouldn’t mind but it’s just… they haven’t even talked to each other in over a week. He’s not sure how he’s going to convince his friends that they’re absolutely fine. Either way, it has to be done.

“Does the missus mind about the long hours you work here?”

Liam looks a little surprised with the question, licking his lips. “Yeah, of course but I also know she wants me to succeed. Our lives don’t revolve around each other, we can accuse a slip-up here and there.”

He hums again. Maybe there’s a feeling of envy spreading through his veins because Liam gets to have this perfect relationship with Sophia. Sophia is just brilliant, understanding, wise and stunningly beautiful. She’s there for Liam through it all, encouraging, thinking of dinner parties through Liam’s toughest case so far. Whereas himself and Harry, they’re hanging by a thread. Barely.

So yeah, maybe he is jealous.

“What about Harry, does he mind?” He’s snapped out of his self loathing thoughts by the question.

Louis sighs at the mention of his husband’s name, feeling more fatigue now than he has all day. He runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the roots. “It’s different for us, Li. We have children.”

“I know but he must understand how demanding your job is?”

“He does.” Louis lies, anyway. He doesn’t want to talk about their problems, doesn’t want to discuss the wrongs and the rights.

Liam smiles, seeming to believe him. “Oh, that’s good. Well, I’ll see you at the dinner party, right? Bring the kids of course, haven’t seen them in ages.”

*

Louis was meant to talk to Harry. He really was. He was meant to call during the day, assuring his husband he’ll be home soon, that they’ll talk through their problems and make them right. But after the long day at work, he just felt too exhausted to do pretty much anything. To his surprise, though, Harry’s waiting in the kitchen for him with two plates of food. Louis feels his body ignite, not expecting his husband to be awake let alone dinner ready for the two of them.

“Harry..” he lets out softly, dropping his bag and instantly moving forward to hug Harry. He embraces him with everything he has, wanting to hold him and wanting this moment to last forever.

Harry snuggles into him and when he pulls away, he actually kisses Louis. He presses his chapped lips against Louis’ and he feels more alive than he has in weeks. He doesn’t remember the last time they kissed properly, last time they touched with want and lust. Louis takes this opportunity to let one of his hands fall on Harry’s waist, the other holding Harry’s jaw as he takes control over the kiss and licks into Harry’s mouth. He’s done being afraid and he’s done pretending he doesn’t want to touch Harry.

“Where’s all this coming from?” He mutters against Harry’s lips, pulling away for a few seconds just to ask.

Harry shrugs, defeat in his features but a content smile playing at his lips like he’s been waiting for this. “Miss you, miss us. I just want everything back to how it was.”

“Me too, darling.”

So they kiss some more before Harry finally pulls away, smirking. “Also prepared some dinner, waited for you.”

“The twins and Lola asleep?”

“Mmm-mhm. They couldn’t wait up, were so worn out from the park trip today.”

“Oh? You guys went to the park?” He asks, smiling a little at the thought of his children running around and Harry chasing after them. He misses that. He also resents that he can’t be there.

Harry nods happily, going to sit at the dining table and patting the spare chair next to him for Louis to follow. He sits down, smile growing wider when he realises Harry’s made his favourite dish. Beef stew with sweet potato topping.

“Oh fuck, yes, Harry. Thank you,” he waits for his husband to pour them both a glass of red wine before starting to eat together.

Louis adores this. He hasn’t had a dinner alone with Harry since Lola was born. Not that Louis minded. He loved his daughter and loved his sons too, always wanted them around for dinner times and wouldn’t change it for the world. Just, this, isn’t too bad either.

“So, tell me about the case.”

Louis smiles because it seems like he’s finally taking interest in his work again instead of just assuming and accusing of Louis for purposely staying away from home. He’s asking, wanting to know more about Louis’ day.

“Well, we’ve been working with Daisy closely for the past week and I’d like to think we’ve made a great case together. Her court trial date is in a few days, one of the first.”

“So, did she do it? Did she actually murder her husband?”

Louis shakes his head. “Well, technically.. Yes, she was the one who killed her husband. But, it was self defence.”

“Self defence?”

“Yeah. Her husband was a drunken, abusive excuse of a human being and she just sorta retaliated and hit him back.”

“Until he died.”

Louis winces. He hates the harsh reality of the cases he works, how utterly fucked they are and how he has to fight them. “Yeah.”

“Shit, Lou,” Harry breathes out. “That sounds so intense.”

It is. It’s really intense and it’s taking up more of Louis’ energy and time and life than he had expected. But he welcomes it. Because at the end of it, he’ll be helping a life that’s been wrongly accused. In the end, he’ll feel accomplished and his reputation will bump up just the slightest bit more.

“I didn’t expect you to..” Louis’ not sure how to finish his sentence. For the first time, he feels out of element with his own husband. He shouldn’t feel surprised that his husband is taking interest in his life, his work. “To care.”

Harry’s face contorts to a grimace. “I do care.”

“You just.. Do you blame me for thinking otherwise?” It’s a genuine question, one that’s quite heavy so he stuffs his mouth with the beef stew. He chews for a moment before continuing. “You’ve hardly asked in ages so, it’s just. Weird.”

Harry seems to slump his shoulders at that, frowning. He looks like a deer that’s been caught in bright headlights. “No. I can’t.”

“Exactly.”

And Louis really doesn’t want to put a damp cloth over their current, brilliant conversation that seems to be going well so far. But he also refuses to ignore the past month and two, how he’s been walking around eggshells with his husband. How he feels like a shit human being for wanting to do his job. How he can’t help the resentment pouring out of his body sometimes.

They continue to eat in silence, until Harry speaks.

“But, you can’t blame me for not wanting to take an interest either.”

“Oh, really?” Louis questions, not sure if his tone is sarcastic or curious. Maybe both. He raises a brow at him.

“Yes, really,” he grits his teeth, standing his ground and not shying away from the conversation like he normally does. “You’re never home, Louis and it causes me to feel fucking annoyed sometimes.”

“Sometimes? Yeah. Okay, right.”

“A lot of the times.”

“All the time,” Louis amends, shaking his head. “Like I understand if you’re mad at me for that, I get it. But to act like I don’t exist and ignoring me when I am at home just causes us to distance more.”

“Because I’m fucking angry!”

“Stop swearing!” Louis bites back. “And yeah, so tell me that! Has communication really become so hard for you?”

So, yeah. They’re definitely arguing now despite the gesture Harry had prepared for him. They can’t sit still for a minute, they can’t spend over ten minutes with each other alone without trying to rip each other’s throats out. And Louis hates this. It’s exhausting and it’s draining to have to come home and argue with Harry but it’s happening and he can’t take it back now. Not when he’s feeling the anger of the past months actually boiling in his blood and all of a sudden, he wants answers.

“I get distant when I get angry.”

“Don’t I know it?” Louis scoffs. “Remember Zayn, you introduced me to him and then you got angry at me for becoming friends with him.”

The mention of Zayn’s name causes Harry to snap up, eyes suddenly dark as he drops the spoon in his hands. “Fucking don’t. Don’t fucking say it.”

“Do you remember Zayn, Harry, do you? You accused me of cheating with him because we got close and you couldn’t fucking stand it.”

“Are we going to argue about things that don’t even matter anymore?!”

Louis drops his cutlery this time, jumping up from his seat. It does matter. He hasn’t forgiven Harry for it, he realises. He had forgotten about it, pushed it to the back of his mind but he hasn’t exactly forgiven Harry because he realises it still bothers him. It bothers him that they argued over Zayn so much so that the boy actually moved away. He moved away from London, right to Newcastle faraway from them. They both lost their best friend because of their inability to stop arguing.

“It does matter, don’t you get it?”

“What matters is that you’re always at work and I can’t stand it and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Louis bites his bottom lip. “Well, deal with it because I love my job and I’m not going to stop it for you.”

“You love your job more than you love me.” Harry just accuses him, says it right out as he crosses his arms and looks at Louis with a slight eyebrow raise and nod.

“How- how can you even-” Louis can’t even finish the sentence. Suddenly, this argument is no longer one he wishes to finish because the disappointment is too raw. He pushes his chair away, moving to walk away.

“Yeah, go on!” Harry calls after him. “Leave, why don’t you?!”

“Fuck you, Harry!” Louis calls back, raising his middle finger up at him without turning around. He slips his feet into his shoes leaving the house and making sure to slam it behind him.

~

Louis doesn’t bother spending his energy on regretting his decision to argue with Harry. He doesn’t even try to. He only feels anger surging through his veins as he skips down the neighbourhood road, resisting the urge to take his car. He walks through the midnight streets, taking each turn necessary to end up at Niall’s apartment. Niall lives on his own, independent and never attaching to anyone long enough to create a commitment. He prefers his life with one-night stands and never exchanging numbers. Louis had always thought he’d never be able to do what Niall does, found it ridiculous.

But right now as he rings for Niall’s apartment, he’s envious of Niall’s lifestyle. It just seems so easy and carefree and nothing Louis’ feeling right now.

Niall lets him in after a few minutes of insistent ringing, muttering something incoherent through the speakers that sounds a lot like cursing. Louis takes the stairs, two at a time before he lands up at the third floor and knocks at Niall’s door.

“What the fuck are you doing-” Niall starts as he opens the door, ready to explode at him but pausing when his eyes fall on Louis. “Jesus, Lou. What are you doing here?”

“Need somewhere to stay,” is all he says, shrugging as he tries to appear nonchalant and walks into Niall’s apartment.

Niall splutters behind him, shutting the door and accepting his presence. “What the hell? Where’s Harry, the kids?”

Louis may be a bit of a dick for walking out of the house, walking out on the kids at this time of the night. He should’ve stayed, calmed down and he should’ve apologised but. He doesn’t want to. He should be more responsible as a father but as a partner in a relationship, he’s pissed and removed himself from the situation before it really blew out of proportion.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” he admits. “Got a beer?”

Niall looks unimpressed but doesn’t protest, nodding as he walks into the kitchen and comes back with two beer bottles with the top screwed off. He hands one to Louis and sits down on the sofa next to him.

“Cheers,” he kisses the bottle top before gulping it down.

“I got the spare room all done, you can sleep there tonight,” Niall doesn’t seem to push it any further though his eyes are still curious.

Louis loves Niall. He’s known Niall since they were kids together in primary school, instantly fitting together as a good pair. They were the opposite yet so similar. Louis was the loud, spontaneous one and was the centre of attention whereas Niall was the shy, quiet kid but once you break his shell, he shares quite a few of the same qualities as Louis which is what allows them to get along so well.

“Thanks, mate. Do you mind if I just stay out here and sit wallowing in self pity for a while? You can return to your sleep. Don’t mind me.”

Niall scoffs. “Not a chance, mate. We’ll sit here together wallowing in self pity.”

They don’t talk. Niall doesn’t press the matter and Louis refuses to open up either. He puts on the TV, watching reruns of Hollyoaks and Louis immerses himself in other people’s fictional problems rather than his own. It’s a distraction, after all and it’s better than none.

They go to sleep after an hour of watching soaps and discussing thoroughly each couple on the show, going to their rooms. As Louis lays down on the single bed, his heart gives out and his bottom lip wobbles with the ache in his chest. He ignores how empty a single feels bed after sleeping in a double with Harry for more than a decade. He ignores how strange it feels to sleep somewhere besides his own place. He ignores how strange it feels to sleep alone, not his husband’s body to cuddle up to. Needless to say, it’s the worst sleep Louis’ had in years.

*

‘Dinner party at Liam’s today, at 7pm. I’ll pick u and the kids up. Be ready.’

‘Ok.’

Louis rolls his eyes at Harry’s short reply, snorting as he puts his phone back in the pocket. He’s not even surprised that Harry didn’t even ask where he slept last night, where he was. He’s perfectly okay with the distance between them. Louis wants to be, as well. He won’t try to force the two of them to talk when it’s painfully clear Harry doesn’t care about him. Won’t take back his accusation.

Liam’s not as respectful to Louis’ silence when he asks Liam for a spare change of clothes for the dinner party.

“What?” Liam asks, his brows knitted together as he crosses his arms like he’s disappointed at Louis before even hearing the entire story. “What did you say?”

“I need a change of clothes, something dinner party appropriate,” he repeats himself.

“Why can’t you go home and get something?”

“Because I can’t.”

“Are you and Harry okay?” He presses, clear he won’t be taking no reply as an answer. There’s a stern expression on his face like it’s Louis’ fault something has gone wrong.

Louis can’t even bite back the distaste he feels as he stares at Liam. “Oh, fuck off.”

That heavy blow of the words softens Liam’s expression, though. Quite the opposite effect Louis wants. He closes the gap between them, trying to smile sympathetically and Louis can’t stand his pity.

“Are you and Harry okay?” Liam says again but this time, the concern is clear in his voice as he searches Louis’ face. There’s no hint of judgement in his voice anymore.

He decides to be honest because he’s so goddamn tired of lying and reassuring everyone else. For once, he wants someone to comfort him.

“No.”

Liam seems to be expecting the answer, dropping the files in his hands and sitting besides him on the sofa in the break room. “What’s going on, eh?”

“It’s just all shit, Liam,” Louis complains. “It’s just.. Fucked.”

“Anything happen in particular?”

“I mean, we’ve been arguing almost every single day for a month or two now and it’s been a struggle at home. I feel like I’m constantly battling with my own husband, begging and searching for something to say. But yesterday he accused me of loving my job more than I love him and that-” he pauses, shaking his head as he runs his thumb over his eyes and rubs vigorously. He’s so fucking tired. “That fucking hurt because I love Harry, I sacrificed everything for him and our children and he goes and says that.”

“His judgement is clearly clouded, Lou. He probably didn’t even mean to say that. He’s not thinking straight, especially during an argument.”

“He did mean it, though. I left the house, went and slept at Niall’s but he didn’t even ask if I’m okay, where I am.”

“Are you both coming to the dinner party still?”

Louis grits his teeth. “Yes, darling, we’re still coming to your precious dinner party.”

Liam doesn’t seem to mind his harsh words, just nodding and smiling like that’s more than enough for him. “I’ll ask Sophia to drop something by for you to wear. Listen, it’ll be alright, man. All couples go through fall-outs. It won’t break the relationship.”

He sighs, tired of feeling like an awful human being. He has no reason to be short with Liam when he’s only trying to be there for him. “Thanks, Li. I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.”

The day passes slowly and Louis gets back to work after a while of wallowing in his pitiful thoughts. He texts Niall a few times, assuring the lad he’s fine and he takes the clothes off Sophia when she arrives, kissing her cheek and thanking her over and over. Just before he leaves before the end of his shift, he changes into the clothes in the bathroom and takes the elevator down to the car park. Liam had already left an hour ago, wanting to go and help his wife prepare for the dinner party.

As he drives to his house, he lets the radio play softly in the background. He hopes himself and Harry can pull themselves together for one night, not show how it’s obvious they’re not on talking terms with each other at this moment in time. There was a time the two of them were stars of every dinner party, had everyone’s attentions at how great hosts and guests they are. Now, they can’t even bring themselves to ask how they’re doing to each other.

He parks outside the house and watches his husband and his children waiting by the door. Despite still feeling resentment at Harry, he’s still welcomed with the usual warm feeling that spreads inside of him whenever his eyes land on his husband.

Harry’s dressed fancy but not over the top. He’s wearing a button down sheer white top, the buttons open right down to his chest where his butterfly tattoo is on show. His jeans are skin tight, his thighs looking heavenly and toned, paired with his brown suede boots. He looks ravishing and Louis wants nothing more to reach over, take him apart piece by piece. Instead, he forces to pry his eyes away.

He does, however, get out of the car and greet each of his children individually. He hugs both Noah and Shane, kissing their cheeks and helping them into their car seats. He greets Lola, she giggles as he bops her nose and helps her into the car too. Then, he turns to Harry. Harry looks away.

Well, the grudge is still clearly there.

“Get in,” is all Louis says, rough and not very loving at all. He winces at his own words.

Harry seems to resist a scoff, only rolling his eyes and taking the passenger seat whilst Louis gets back in the driver seat. The drive is tense between the two of them, not exchanging a single word. Louis waits for an apology, for a question -- anything. It doesn’t come.

Lola does, however, talk until he’s sure she’s going to lose her voice. She talks about her day at school, about a new friend she’s made and whether she’s allowed to invite her over to play. Harry doesn’t speak up.

“Of course babe, invite her,” Louis says to her, smiling at her through the rear view mirror.

When they reach Liam’s house, he notices how Niall’s outside waiting for him. He’s immensely grateful for the extra company, not sure if he’s going to survive another moment with how thick the tension is between him and Harry. Louis cuts off the engine, Harry goes to the back door to help the children out of the car. He walks over to Niall, embracing him.

“Thank you for last night, mate,” he says, again with a softer voice.

“Shut up,” Niall scoffs, pushing his shoulders a little. “Stop thanking me again and again. You’re always welcome, okay? Does Harry know where you were?”

“Nope,” Louis resists the urge to roll his eyes. Like Harry fucking cares. “He didn’t ask, I didn’t say.”

“Shit. Do you think it’ll affect today’s dinner party?”

“Hope not.” Louis shrugs, pocketing his keys and ringing the doorbell when Harry and the children are behind him.

Liam comes to the door a few seconds later, wearing a white apron and a lazy smile on his lips as he welcomes all the guests in. They all settle in the living room as he excuses himself to continue to finish cooking really quickly. Thankfully with Niall, there’s never a dull moment and the lad takes it upon himself to light up the dinner party. He doesn’t dwell on the clear awkward silence between Harry and Louis, talking to both of them and hugging the handful of twins. He doesn’t let a single minute pass without some sort of conversation filtering the room. Louis needs to properly thank him later for being Godsent.

Finally, Liam and Sophia return to the room and greet everyone properly. Louis watches from afar how Harry talks to both of them, thanking them for the invite and for the food they’ve prepared. He watches how Harry talks with his hands, gesturing as he discusses about how busy his days are with looking after the children and how he wishes he could drop by more often. He watches and watches until his eyes burn because he hasn’t heard Harry talk so much in so long that he was beginning to feel like Harry was incapable of speaking.

Then Louis feels jealousy settling in his chest because Harry can talk with other people but not with him.

As the good guest he is, Harry follows Sophia into the kitchen to help her set out the table. Liam, Niall and Louis sit together as they talk about everything and anything and catching up, putting the TV on for the children. Niall asks endless questions about their cases and Liam’s more than happy to supply the answers.

“Food’s ready, c’mon!” Sophia calls from the dining room after a few minutes, breaking the conversation and they all get up and follow.

Harry’s grabbing three smaller plates for the children but Louis bumps him out of the way, taking the plates off him gingerly.

“I can handle them,” he whispers out, his voice still strong though.

Harry’s eyes darken but he nods curtly, walking away to take his seat. Louis runs a hand through his hair as he puts in a serving of chicken pasta for both Noah and Shane, a slice of meatloaf and apple juice. He knows it may be too much for them but he hands it over to them, warning them to finish as much as they can. He lets Lola pick out what she likes, she opts for the pasta and coleslaw.

Finally, when his children are eating, he takes a seat and starts putting serving into his own plate. Despite sitting right next to Harry, he feels like there’s miles and miles between them and he has never felt so far from him. He hopes it’s not too obvious to the guests.

Louis watches how Sophia and Liam talk, touchy and handsy and his throat grows thick at the fact that he can’t even look at his husband properly. How they’ve come this far only to end up despising each other.

“So, Niall, what have you been doing recently?” Sophia asks as she puts a forkful of pasta in her mouth, her red lipstick not smudging even a bit. “Settle down, yet?”

Niall guffaws. “Darling, I’ll never settle down. But, I’ve been doing marketing work even though I’m planning to focus on my music full time.”

Liam hums, joining the conversation. “Niall’s music is sick! He needs to start working on it more.”

“I’ve never heard anything from you, Niall,” Harry talks too, his voice croaky as he clears his throat. “Didn’t know you were great at music.”

Niall flushes, batting his hand. “Liam just likes to exaggerate.”

“Ever the humble Niall,” Louis mutters.

He shakes his head at Louis with a easy laugh. “I love me music, really want to make it far and get it out there but I have a lot to work on.”

“You should let me hear some of your stuff,” Harry requests, his eyes friendly as he takes a sip of his white wine.

“Sure, mate!”

Before they can continue with their conversation, Noah starts whining and making noises, throwing his fork down on the floor. Louis frowns and when Harry gets up immediately, not even wasting a second to spare Louis a glance, he frowns further.

“I can handle the kids, Harry.”

Harry looks back to him, bitterness clear in his features as he arches one brow. “Really? Didn’t think so considering you’re never around to know so.”

Everyone at the dining table falls silence, all conversation ceasing to exist and the tension grows ten times thicker in the room. Louis grits his teeth, trying to welcome the surge of anger that overcomes him. Fuck Harry and fuck him for talking about their problems openly in front of everyone else. He just has to be a drama queen, has to broadcast it to every other person.

Louis resists though. He doesn’t want to say anything and cause a scene. He just sits back in his seat, avoiding everyone’s gaze as he sips his wine back. He’s not going to argue with his husband over something so pathetic in front of all his friends. It’s going to be an embarrassment he’ll never live down.

Like the saint Niall is, he dips back to conversation and changing the conversation effectively. He mentions about some new festival he saw online and how they should all go together, how fun it’d be be. Liam agrees though looks upset that he may be too busy with work to get a whole 5 days off without any commitments.

Liam, then, turns to Louis and smiles as he says. “You should invite Zayn too, yeah? Since you’ve been talking to him again.”

Oh. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Louis’ eyes widen instantly, sending Liam an unspoken message with his facial expression to tell him to shut the fuck up. This is a dangerous territory. It’s a conversation him and Harry have never had, never plan to either. Sure, him and Zayn have been conversing here and there, nothing serious but Louis loves Zayn. He considers Zayn his own brother and it was difficult to let him go entirely when he moves to Newcastle. So, he reached out and he solved any problems they had.

Of course, it’s a touchy subject for Harry as it should be. Harry and Zayn were friends first, ever since they were little kids and lived on the same road in the neighbourhood. They grew up together, experienced every part of waking life together much like Niall and Louis. Harry had introduced Louis to Zayn and unexpectedly, he got close to Zayn rather quickly. It caused a strain on their relationship, especially when they were threatened with a break-up over Zayn.

Zayn couldn’t handle the stress, alongside with other problems and he simply cut the two of them out of his life and moved to Newcastle for a new job opportunity. Harry hasn’t heard of Zayn since.

Harry looks over to him slowly, betrayal painted all over his features as he puts his fork down. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion and Louis wants to reverse this night right back to the beginning so he can warn Liam to keep his big gob fucking shut.

“You’ve been talking to Zayn?” Harry spits out, voice more venomous than Louis’ ever heard before.

“I-” Louis’ mind is working thousand miles per second to come up with a reasonable explanation but he ends up just stuttering over his words.

Harry’s impatient, though as he pushes the plate of food away from him and glaring at Louis with more hatred than his eyes could possibly hold.

“Really, Louis? Really?!”

With his voice growing an octave higher, the children look over, noticing the scene unfold right before his eyes. Louis notices the fear in Lola’s eyes and he snaps to action.

“Stop making a scene,” he hisses, reaching out to Harry. “You’re scaring the kids.”

Harry backs out of the touch like it burns. “Really, Louis?” He repeats. “You’ve been talking to Zayn and you didn’t even fucking tell me and now you’re telling me to not make a scene?”

“Lola is getting scared, Harry! Shut the fuck up!” Louis retorts back, raising his voice too as he drops the cutlery in his hands.

“Tell me - is it actually true?”

Is Harry seeking for a confirmation? He wants to know if Louis betrayed him, went behind his back and contacted Zayn. He can’t even deny it. He knows this will hurt Harry, it was his friend and he sort of stole him and then caused him to runaway. He knows it’ll hurt Harry that he talked to Zayn first, before him. He also knows he should’ve told Harry before tonight.

So, he sucks in a breath and nods quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s true.”

Harry’s eyes darken, giving away no emotion as he gets up from the table and walks towards the hallway.

Fuck. Fucking shit fuck.

Louis follows right after, ignoring the questioning and afraid gazes his friends are giving him. He tries to reach over to Harry again but once again, his hands are batted away. Harry looks crazed when he looks up.

“He broke us apart, he caused us to argue, to break up. And you went and talked to him, without even telling me? Zayn broke us and you went to him?!”

“Zayn never hurt me!” Louis shoots back, regretting his words as soon as they left his mouth.

Harry’s mouth contorts to something pained. “He never hurt you? So, when he nearly broke us apart, that wasn’t hurting us?”

“No,” Louis pursues his lips, shaking his head and putting his hands on hip. “No, because we did that to ourselves - not him. He never hurt us. When he left I called him, I apologised and I sorted things out.”

“He hurt me,” Harry stabs his finger at his own chest, his breathing rapidly increasing and his eyes growing more hurt. “Does that not hurt you too?”

“You’ve been holding a grudge for no reason. There’s nothing to be hurt about here.”

“No reason? Fuck you because you have no idea!”

“You’re scaring our kids for no reason.” Louis sighs exasperated. “Can we just go inside, we’ll talk about this later?”

Harry narrows his eyes, shaking his hand and laughing in disbelief. He puts his shoes on, causing Louis’ heart to start racing.

“Fuck you. Fuck you and good fucking bye.”

“Harry, where are you going to go? You can’t take the car, the kids-”

Before Louis can reply, Harry has slipped out of the house and slammed the door right in Louis’ face. For a few seconds, he’s planted on the spot in disbelief, unsure how to feel or what to say. He’s too embarrassed to go back to the dining room and face all his friends after the scene they’ve caused. He knows they’ve been going through a rough patch… but has it really been this bad? They’ve never argued in front of other people before.

Louis rubs the back of his neck, still not sure what to do and not realising he’s crying before he feels a sob wrack through his body. Within an instant, Niall’s by his side, kissing his temples and guiding him up the stairs. Louis’ grateful, not wanting his children to see him this broken down. For the first time, he cries like never before, shaking with the force of his tears and lets Niall hold him. He cries for Harry, for their relationship, for scaring his children, for how distant he feels, for how afraid he is about their future.

After he calms himself down, he faces his children. He apologises to each one of them, placing lingering kisses on them before guiding them to the car. He knows he’s ruined the mood of the dinner party, shattered the good positive vibes because of their argument. He notices how tense Liam and Sophia are both, worried sick but he promises he’s fine before ushering the kids into the car and buckling them in.

Liam hugs him, holding him close. “I’m so so fucking sorry, Lou.”

“No, don’t be,” he reassures him, squeezing him. “You didn’t know.”

“Skip work tomorrow, I’ll handle it all. Please. Take all the time to fix shit.”

Louis nods, accepting the offer but he knows he’ll be up and out in the morning anyway. He apologises to everyone, kissing Sophia’s cheeks and embracing Niall tightly. That boy is a fucking blessing. Then he leaves, putting the car into gear and driving down to the house.

He’s not surprised to find an empty house.

~

Louis calls Harry once, twice - so many times he loses count the following morning. He had expected Harry to return, always dutiful and never messing up the kids routine. He goes straight to voicemail by the tenth time and Louis feels the frustration growing.

“Pick the fuck up, Harry!” He screams down the voicemail he leaves, groaning as he throws the phone to the corner of the room, not caring to see if he just broke it.

Of course, Lola walks right into the kitchen right that moment and her expression is full of fear and concern. She’s been awfully quiet since yesterday after experiencing her father's fighting, how Harry had left and she seems to be assuming the worst.

“Daddy?” She whimpers, her lip wobbling.

Louis curses under his breath, dropping the banana he’s holding and coming to his daughter's side. He crouches down to level with her, mustering a smile.

“Hey, you. Why do you look so sad?” He questions, putting on a brave face despite knowing why, knowing the answer.

“Are you and papa ever going to talk again?”

He knits his brow together. “No, we will. We always do.”

“But it’s never like last night.”

“Yes, I know but we’re married, Lola. So, no matter what, we pull through, okay? Please don’t worry, my darling,” he sighs, holding open his arms to let his daughter fall into them as he holds her close, stroking her hair. “Me and papa will never be apart.”

“Where is he right now, then?”

“I… I don’t know.” He answers truthfully, not sure where Harry could possibly go. It’s why he feels worried sick, why he keeps calling Harry but only getting his voicemail, it’s causing his nerves to go into overdrive.

Lola whimpers again. “Daddy-”

“Shush, sssh darling. He’ll be home soon.”

“He never misses breakfast.”

“You have me instead, isn’t that a lovely surprise?”

Lola giggles though she sniffles, cuddling into his chest. Louis holds her for a few minutes, just wanting to comfort her before settling her down on the stool and handing over her waffles with banana and drizzled honey. He calls down the twins next, handing over the same breakfast as they thank Louis and get eating messily straight away. The twins are too young to fully comprehend the situation though they’re aware something’s wrong.

“Where Papa?” Shane asks, mouthful.

“Don’t speak when you’re eating,” Louis scolds him and then sighing, shrugging. “Papa will be here soon.”

When breakfast is over and Louis begins washing the dishes, he hears the key turn in the lock at the front door and his heart starts racing. The kids were just getting ready for school and he was about to drop them off but everything else is pushed right to the back of his mind as he drops the dish, running towards the door. Louis’ ready to apologise, own up to his mistakes, kiss Harry breathless because he never wants to argue like last night ever again.

Yet, when Harry walks in, he has his arms around nonetheless Nick Grimshaw.

Fucking Nick.

Louis blinks in disbelief, watching Harry giggly, flushed and holding Nick closer than he’s ever held Louis in the past few months. He’s not sure how to feel except the fact that he’s sure there’s red in his eyes right now. He’s seeing red and feeling the fury and envy grow as he watches his husband being handsy with someone he absolutely despises.

“Are you fucking-” Louis’ muttering under his breath, eyes narrowing dangerously at the pair, cutting himself off before he utters something he’ll only later regret.

If anyone was to walk in, they’d assume Harry and Nick were the couple with the way Nick holds Harry securely. The way Harry leans into the touch.

Harry finally catches Louis’ eyes but he looks nowhere close to ashamed.

Louis’ been beating himself up for yesterday, running through the events again and again in his mind until he’s sure he’s beginning to lose his mind. He couldn’t sleep all night, tossing and turning and reaching out for a body that isn’t there. Yet, Harry looks unbothered, relaxed. Like last night never even happened.

“Louis,” Harry giggles, saying his name so formally. “Didn’t expect you to be home.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, breathing through this whole surreal situation. “Wouldn’t leave the kids, would I? Since you fucking walked out yesterday.”

Harry blinks and then looks up to Nick, laughing. “Oops.”

Is he fucking drunk at this hour in the morning? Louis feels disgusted. He feels genuinely disgusted. Every time he was late to a date, he couldn’t come home to tuck the kids into bed - it was because he was held down with work. A genuine, real reason. He never missed days just because, just for fun. He never ever fucking did that. Harry’s fucking shameless, standing before him with his arms around Nick.

Suddenly, he can’t spend another minute in this house. He can’t spend another second looking at Harry’s hands around Nick’s waist, can’t smell his vanilla perfume mixing with Nick’s for any longer. He picks up his keys, shrugging on his jacket hanging by the bannister.

“I’m going to work.” Is all Louis says, slipping out of the door.

Before he slams it shut, he faintly hears Harry yell. “Don’t we fucking know it!”

*

Louis doesn’t go to work.

He drives until he reaches a road he’s not familiar with, had been taking right and left turns at any chance he had gotten and now, he’s in the middle of nowhere. Which is difficult with London. He parks up his car on the side, struggling to breathe as he pulls out his phone and dials Zayn’s number without a second thought.

Zayn answers on the second ring. “‘Ello.”

Zayn is everything Louis could possibly ask for in a best friend. He resembles calmness, always so laid back and never taking anything too hard upon himself. There’s something about Zayn, mysterious and always radiating good vibes whenever Louis spends time with him. Zayn has a hard time trusting others, letting people in and yet, he lets Louis see the most private, hidden parts of him, he lets it all open just for him. Their friendship is special. Louis needs him right now.

Louis chokes when he hears his voice, unable to hold it back anymore as he balls his fists and pushes to his eyes to prevent any tears spilling.

Zayn seems to notice, growing silent before. “Lou..?”

“Zayn,” he mutters brokenly.

“Shit, what’s wrong, Lou? Babe?”

But Louis can’t bring his current feelings to words, only crying. He sobs out loud, unashamed and not hiding on the phone to Zayn. He feels a little better knowing someone’s on the line, waiting to comfort him and he thanks the Gods for the day he met Zayn.

“Everything is so shit,” Louis whines.

“Why so, babe?”

“It’s all just fucking ruined!” He slams his hand down on the steering wheel before putting his forehead against it and breathing heavily.

“Did anything happen?”

“Just… me and Harry had an argument at dinner at Liam’s and then he disappeared and today morning, he came home with Nick. I’m just so fucking tired, Z.”

“Nick?”

“Yeah, one of his old work mates. It’s not that. It’s just, I haven’t touched my husband properly in so fucking long and some random guy gets to put his hands on Harry. I fucking miss him, Zee.”

Zayn listens, it’s what he’s good at the most and hums at all the right times as Louis talks and talks. He tells Zayn about where it went all wrong, how he’d lay awake and think about how they became so distant, how Harry spews hurtful words at him and he returns them without a second thought. He tells Zayn about how Harry thinks Louis’ not responsible of the children, accuses him of loving his job more than his family, how they argue every time they talk and can’t spend a minute alone together without erupting into another fight. How everything feels impossible and his house no longer feels like a home.

“If things are so bad, why don’t you come and stay up at Newcastle with me for a while?”

Louis snorts because yeah, right. Like that’d work out really well. It’d definitely go down well with Harry.

“I can’t just drop my job and come up to see you, let alone what Harry would think.” He pauses. “Why don’t you talk to him, Zee? He misses you.”

Zayn sighs heavily and pauses before speaking. “I know I let him down, I hurt him by moving away and I don’t want to continue hurting him.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“No, it’s true, Lou. I know I hurt him and I hurt his relationship, yours and that’s what Harry treasures. I couldn’t keep being the reason for the strain between you two. Reaching out to him now will only cause more problems.”

“You broke his heart.”

Zayn sounds really small and faraway when he agrees. “Yeah, I know.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Louis whispers, rubbing his fingers into his temples as he tries to sort through his thoughts. He needs to mend his relationship with Harry before things really do turn to shit and there’s no way to fix it.

“Go to him, talk to him. Fix it. Just crowd him in a corner alone and speak. That’s all you’ve been lacking.”

They talk for a bit more until Louis’ back down to earth, his anger no longer consuming him before he bids his farewell and hangs up. He doesn’t return home straight away, knowing Nick will still be there. Instead, he takes the opportunity to go the grocery shop, pick up a few things he knows Harry loves. He’s going to apologise, ask for a second chance and he’s going to mean it. He’s going to cut back hours, he’s going to spend more time with Harry, make friday date nights a reality again and he’s going to prove to Harry he’s a good father.

He spends the entire day out, hours and hours shopping and buying each of his children something special. He gets a new toyhouse for Lola, he gets the twins miniature toy cars, a water gun and puts it all in the backseat of his car. When it’s nearly 7pm and he knows Nick will be gone and the kids will be settling for dinner, he finally drives back.

Louis gets all the presents out of the back, feeling somewhat better and lighter than he has in months and lets himself into the house.

Instantly, Shane and Noah run up to him, chanting ‘daddy’ before hugging him. He holds them close, asking how their day has been and conversing before handing over their gifts. Lola’s nowhere to be seen so he’ll call her down later. He just needs to find Harry right now and talk to him, figure things out.

He walks into the living room, about to call Harry’s name but immediately letting his mouth clamp shut.

Right before his eyes is Harry, all cuddled up and snuggled next to Nick. Nick’s holding him close by the waist, their eyes on the TV as they sip beer together. It’s just.. So homely and so intimate and Louis swears he’s going to lose his mind. He walks over, knocking the bottle of beer right out of Nick’s hand. He feels enraged.

“What the hell?” Nick complains loudly.

“Louis, enough.” Harry says.

Louis holds up a finger to Harry, shutting him up before his eyes fall back to Nick. “You have five seconds exactly to get the fuck out of my house. I fucking mean it.” He threatens.

Nick look at him challengingly, not moving from his space but Harry notices when a threat is real. He looks over to Nick, ushering him to leave. Louis watches from where he stands, the way Harry hands him his coat and promises to call before slamming the door behind Nick. He finally exhales, feeling more relieved than he has in a while.

Then, he’s faced with Harry who looks equally as fury. All the relief washes right off him.

“What the fuck was that?”

“What do you mean? You all handsy with Nick when you can’t even bear to look at me, really? Harry, do you think I’m stupid?”

“There’s nothing wrong with cuddling a friend!”

“It looks a fair bit more than friends!” Louis yells, throwing his hand in the air out of pure frustration and lack of other words. “You hold him like you never want to be held by anyone else!”

“So fucking what?”

“So fucking-- I am your husband, Harry! Or have you forgotten that?”

Harry laughs humorlessly, rubbing the side of his jeans and shaking his head. “That’s fucking rich, even for you.”

“Have you ever kissed Nick?” Louis questions, tilting his head to the side as he lets his insecurities pour right out of him. He should probably take his moment to stop, to not let himself go and say something he’s going to regret. “Wanted him like you once wanted me?”

Of course, Louis doesn’t believe Harry would ever check on him. He doesn’t believe their relationship has been reduced to absolutely nothing, doesn’t believe either of them would resort to another man. But Louis can’t help the thoughts passing through him, swivelling around, making him look pathetically small and weak.

Harry looks like he’s been stabbed.

“I can’t believe you’d say that,” his voice sounds low, turning on his heel and walking back to the kitchen.

But there is no way Louis’ going to let this argument slide. This time, he wants it to hurt Harry and he wants to say everything he feels until it’s embedded in Harry’s mind. He wants to argue until they’re both bleeding and hurting from the words. He wants to argue until it’s all out of their system and then sleep it off, start all over again the next morning. He doesn’t want grudges anymore.

“So, tell me then?” Louis presses on, pushing the nonexistent matter. “Have you ever looked at him and wanted him in ways that I give it to you?”

“Where the fuck is this coming from?!”

“From the fact that you’re so happy around him, he’s probably giving you more happiness than I ever will at this point!”

“Fuck you, Louis. Just fuck you.”

“You know, I was just on the phone to Zayn today and I was telling him how everything has gone to shit between us,” he starts, purposely using Zayn’s name in his arguments because that’s when it really gets started. That’s when the argument becomes heated and the yelling is deafening. “He asked me to come up and stay at Newcastle with him.”

Harry’s eyes flash. “Go then.”

“You just gonna let me go, just like that?”

“I literally don’t give a shit. Go, go and meet Zayn and do whatever the hell you want.” His voice cracks at the last word.

“Fine, I will!” Louis yells back, about to swivel around and leave the room. He doesn’t want to be here anymore, anyway. He can’t stand Harry right now, doesn’t even want to look him in the face anymore. He’s ashamed to call him his husband when it’s like this -- when their relationship isn’t strong enough to survive the toughest tides.

But, Harry grabs his hands and turns him right back around before planting a hard, firm kiss on his lips.

Louis wants to push him away, wants to hit his chest again and again until he’s aware of how much Harry hurts him. How Harry breaks him down, makes him feel exhausted and entirely too tired to carry on with life.

Instead, he responds instantly and pulls Harry closer to his chest as he lets his hands work all over Harry’s body. He focuses on what else he loves about Harry, how happy Harry makes him, how he can surprise Louis with the littlest things, how he’s the best father and can be the best husband. He knows, he’s seen it before. Even if he doesn’t see it anymore.

“Fuck you,” Louis spits when he pulls away only to crash their lips back together.

They stumble up the stairs, barely taking their lips off each other and fumbling with their jean zips. Louis pushes Harry into their bedroom, slamming the door shut and locking it before crowding Harry against it and kissing him senseless. He kisses Harry like he can’t breathe without his lips, like it’s his oxygen. He kisses him because he hasn’t felt those plump lips against him in the longest time, not like this, not desperate and clashing teeth together as their tongues meet. Louis wedges his thigh in between Harry’s thighs, rutting down and moaning shamelessly as he parts their lips to pace themselves. Instead, he focuses on giving Harry all his attention, working down his throat and sucking bruises on every available flesh to him. Harry gives it to him, could never deny it either -- keen, eager, moving to meet Louis’ grinding and moaning.

“Get on the fucking bed,” Louis growls, pulling away and grabbing a fist of Harry’s hair, tilting it upwards. “Gonna fuck you so hard you remember it for weeks,” he whispers roughly into his mouth, watching in amazement how Harry nods eagerly, how his adam's apple moves when he gulps.

Harry does as instructed, following to the bed and throwing his clothes off to one side of the room. Louis follows, slowly taking his jeans off, not taking his eyes off Harry and starts stroking himself as he pulls his top off too. Harry looks beautiful like this, wide-eyed in surprise yet taking everything Louis gives. Not complaining once. Looking already wrecked without Louis even touching him yet.

“You’re so hot,” Louis says, unable to keep the affection out of his voice, finally joining him in bed and grabbing a hold of Harry’s cock.

Harry moans out loud from the contact, leaning up to the touch as his mouth falls open. Louis doesn’t remember the last time he had the pleasure of holding him, of jerking him off and getting him to a high. He revels in the memory now, familiarity spreading through his tired bones as he starts moving his fist up and down his cock quick and fast.

Harry shakes his head, whimpering. “I’m gonna come if you keep-”

Louis leans down, taking him into his mouth again as he bites Harry’s bottom lip. “You aren’t going to come until I say so, got it?”

Maybe this is a way for Louis to feel in control again, to gain back the status he’s lost in their relationship. He takes the lead. He fucking loves it. Loves watching Harry’s doey eyes and his reactions, always so eager, always taking what he’s given, never complaining. So fucking perfect.

And God, Louis loves him. He loves him so much it hurts in every physical place. He loves Harry so much that he’d lay down his life for this boy, give him everything and anything, would give up anything for him. He loves Harry so much that he cries about it, the overwhelming feeling of wanting someone so entirely and so completely -- the rare and beautiful feeling of being in love at all. The beautiful feeling of being in love with someone as amazing as Harry.

“Fuck, yes, yes,” Harry chants, squeezing his eyes shut.

Louis smirks, taking Harry into his mouth and taking him all the way down his throat like practiced, like he knows. On cue, Harry’s eyes fly open, his mouth dropping open as his hands come to lay in Louis’ hair, pulling. Louis works around his cock like he knows, suctioning his lips and taking him down until it hits the back of his throat, using as much as tongue possible to lick the underside. Harry feels like ecstasy and moans like it too. So loud, unabashed and Louis wants to drink up all his sounds.

“Stop, stop. I’m going to come,” Harry pants, shaking his head as he pushes at Louis’ head to pull him away.

Louis rolls his eyes but he feels like he’s going to die too if he doesn’t get some contact with his cock. It’s been so so long, too fucking long, since he’s had Harry in their bed and since they’ve touched each other so passionately.

Louis leans down, kissing him firmly once again because he can.

“Gonna fuck you now,” Louis announces, opening the bedside table drawer and pulling out lube. “Gonna fuck you good, hard and fast. Just the way I know you like it.”

“Yes, please, please, Lou.”

“Ssh.” Louis smiles down at him, taking a second to observe how beautiful he is. “You’re phenomenal, you know?”

“I’m sure your dick will feel phenomenal too, if you hurry the fuck up.”

Louis smacks him lightly on his inner thighs before spreading his thighs apart, coming to settle between them. He wants to face Harry when he fucks him, wants to observe his face and memorise the way his mouth falls open when Louis pushes in and how he squeezes his eyes shut.

He uses his dry finger to circle around Harry’s rim, watching the way it clenches and teases him until he’s sure Harry’s riled up, horny and ready. Only then does he spread lube on one of his fingers, circling his rim and then warning Harry before pushing in. He starts slow, inching in slowly and keeping his eyes trained on Harry, judging his reactions. Once his finger is all the way in up to the knuckle he starts thrusting, in and out. He keeps going until Harry’s begging for another and he doesn’t deny him of anything, would never as he adds a second finger alongside. Louis leans forward, cutting the gap between them to connect their lips together as he moves his fingers inside of him. He moves his lips down, biting down at Harry’s collarbones, listening to him hiss out loud.

Harry takes it, nodding and chanting his name again and again. He falls quiet, just leaves his mouth hanging open when Louis adds a third finger and really fucks him. He pumps his fingers in fast, extracting just as fast before pushing in deep and hard. He angles his fingers upwards, trying to stroke his prostate and seems to hit it dead-on when Harry moans all of a sudden.

“Fuck. Fuck,” Harry cries on, gripping Louis’ biceps and arching his back, eyes squeezed shut. “Again, babe. Again.”

Louis gives him what he wants, nodding and keeps pressure on his prostate, watching how Harry’s cock twitches against his stomach and squirts out pre-cum. He keeps enough pressure until Harry’s sure he’s about to come before extracting his fingers entirely.

Harry whines at the loss inside of him, whimpering. “Louuuuuu.”

“Gonna give you my cock now, darling,” he says, slicking up his length with lube to ensure he won’t hurt Harry. After all, it has been a while and he wants to be as gentle as possible whilst fucking Harry until he can’t breathe. “God, I’ve fucking missed this.”

Harry seems to want it, nodding. “Please.”

“Please what?”

He groans. “Please, Lou, please give me your cock. Fuck me until I can’t see. Fuck me till I can only scream your name, please.”

Louis lets out an involuntary whimper at the words too, leaning down to kiss him hard once again, biting on his bottom lip before pulling away. He doesn’t waste anymore time. He starts inching his cock in slowly, holding Harry’s forearm and watching his expression carefully.

When he’s bottomed out, he waits as he strokes Harry’s arm and waits for the signal to continue. Eventually, Harry nods, giving the go to start fucking him properly.

So, he does.

Louis fucks him whilst remembering his anger, his frustration towards Harry and all their arguments. It causes him to thrust harder, deeper, releasing all his pent-up anger towards their broken relationship into Harry. He wants the boy to feel, feel how utterly broken he’s been, how he’s afraid of losing him and how no one will ever fuck him like this. How he’s all Louis’ and only his. Mine. Mine. Mine. He pulls out nearly all the way before slamming in again, causing Harry to choke on his breath, one hand in the sheets turning white and one hand on Louis.

Louis changes his angle, fucking up to his prostate and holds Harry’s dick as he starts stroking it.

“Want you to come while I fuck you,” he simply states, fucking dead on his prostate and jerking Harry off so fast that it takes the boy barely a few minutes before he’s crying out loud and releasing white liquid into Louis’ fists.

Louis moans at the sight of Harry, how fucking obscene he looks before he takes his come covered fingers up to Harry.

Harry looks up to him through his lashes, taking his fingers down his throat and sucking off his own come. It shouldn’t be nearly as hot as it is. Louis starts fucking his throat with his fingers too, wanting Harry to taste it all as he continues to fuck him.

Eventually, Louis reaches his high and he garbles out a warning before releasing right into Harry. He keeps thrusting until every bit of come is released, waiting for a few moments before extracting his fingers and his cock from Harry’s hole. He watches in a trance as the come oozes out of Harry’s hole, he picks up some with his fingers, licking it and then guiding it to Harry’s mouth again.

Harry licks it all up, not even complaining. Louis curses out loud, watching his fingers work around Louis’ fingers and he’s incapable of speaking.

They stay like that for a few minutes, just staring at each other with Louis still between Harry’s thighs like that’s the place he truly belongs. Until, finally, the spell is broken and Louis moves away. He grabs a flannel, wiping away at the remaining come and they fall asleep, Louis cuddling Harry close to his chest like it’s the last time.

*

Louis doesn’t sleep easy all night. He keeps tossing and turning, tormented with his own thoughts and the feeling of something bad about to occur in the near future. He can feel it, can sense the inevitable around the corner but he can’t figure it out why. Despite cuddling Harry close to his chest, he still feels out of place and he wonders since when the feeling of holding his soulmate close to him has burned out.

Regardless, in the morning his bad feeling is proven right. He’s dashing around the room, trying to get ready for work since the court trial date is only a few days away. He needs to be prepared, on top of his schedule and ready to take on the jury and sway them his way. Harry’s watching him from bed with heavy lidded eyes, regret behind them.

Louis panics a little when they meet in eye contact, scowling. “Out with it, Harry. Stop looking at me like this.”

He doesn’t stop in one place to listen to his answer, picking out his favourite black and red tie and pulling up his collar to put it on. He doesn’t have the time for any conversation right now but he’s not going to leave without hearing what the boy has to say after last night.

Harry’s mouth twists in discomfort, fidgeting with his fingers. “Lou..”

He sighs heavily, throwing his shoes on the floor and slipping into them easily before crouching to do the laces. “You gonna handle the kids morning or you going to invite Nick?” Oops, clearly the resentment from last night has not faded.

Harry frowns. “Louis.” He says sternly. Like he has any right.

Louis bites his lips, looking away and refusing to start an argument right now. Surely, the two of them should be able to talk without getting caught up in hurtful words and anger.

“Are you going to handle them or shall I?” He repeats his question, wording it better.

Harry shrugs. “I will.”

“Cool,” and he begins to walk away, out of the door to the kitchen.

“Louis, wait.”

“Yes, Harry?” He turns around, narrowing his eyes. His patience is wearing thin with the way Harry’s looking at him, like a cat cornered in the corner. Like there’s something truly, really bothering him and it’s causing Louis’ skin to crawl.

“Can we talk?”

He tries to relax and nods. “Yeah? What is it?”

“I think… I really think,” Harry pauses like it’s impossible for him to say, wringing his fingers and twisting the rings around his fingers. Louis pauses too, raising one brow at him and not liking how his stomach is fluttering now. “I think we should take a break.”

Out of all things, Louis certainly wasn’t expecting that.

He stands there, staring in disbelief, mostly frozen in shock. The words replay in his mind a few times, unsure if he heard right. Judging by Harry’s expression, his sorrowful sad pout and his eyes shut - he had heard right. Harry wants a break. He wants a break from their relationship, from their lives.

He’s not sure how to react, not sure if he’s still dreaming and this is all a lie. Maybe, he’ll wake up again and the morning will restart and this never happened. They’ll wake up in each other’s arms, kissing each other and getting into the shower together. But surely enough, no matter how many times Louis blinks, he’s still standing by the bed and Harry’s still enveloped by the covers. And Harry still said they should take a break.

Louis stares until his eyes are burning with unshed tears. “What?” He finally lets out, not trusting himself to say anything else.

Harry looks like he wants to take back the words now, eyes brimming with tears too as he begins to fiddle with the duvet. Fucking hell. He just wants Harry to sit still, he wants to take it back and he wants to pretend this isn’t fucking happening right now because he can’t fucking deal with it. Not when he already has so much going on in his mind, not when he wants to fix things between them. Not when he wants to take a step forward instead of five steps back.

“Tell me you didn’t say what you just said,” Louis’ voice is low and a hint of warning behind it as he steps closer to the bed. “You did not just say that. Please.”

As hesitant Harry seems, he nods his head like he refuses to take it back. “I strongly believe we should take a break. A divorce.”

“A break or a divorce?”

“Both.”

Louis scoffs, not being able to believe what Harry’s actually asking of him right now. His heart is twisting and turning in a million different ways, he had never envisioned this day right before his eyes. He had always imagined the two of them can push through anything, everything and when it gets tough, they can work on it until they solve it. They’ve had a few big disputes, times when they thought they wouldn’t make it through but they always did. They always pulled through and came back to each other. But, clearly not now. Because Harry’s weak enough to ask for a divorce, for a break. To be separate.

Louis can’t imagine his life without Harry -- even if all they do is argue. He’s spent 15 entire years with this boy, more than a decade. He’s created a routine, a lifestyle with him and to break that all up and start fresh all over makes him feel like he may just die instead.

“I can’t believe this,” Louis mutters, running a hand through his hair. “Surely, you’re not serious, Harry?”

“I am.”

“We’ve been together for fifteen years. Couples that last that long don’t just call it quits!”

“We’re not healthy for each other!” Harry stands his case, shaking his head and arguing right back. “You know we’re not. All we do is argue, we cause misery to each other and I can’t take it anymore.”

“So you’re not even going to fight for us?” Louis questions, though his voice is shaky and his legs are shaking like he may collapse any second. “You’re just going to let us go? Just like that? We have a family, we have children.”

“I know you don’t agree-”

“Damn right, I don’t!”

“Why not, though?”

“Why not?! Because I’ve been taught to not just give up when it’s difficult. I’ve been taught to get what I want, to keep what I want and I want you, I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

Harry shakes his head slowly, his eyes full of sorrow like this is equally killing him. But he’s the one who suggested it, he doesn’t get to look pained and hurt when he wants this willingly.

“Love isn’t enough.”

Louis bites his lips, he’s sure he’s crying now. He’s sure there’s tears rolling down his cheeks because… is this reality? Is this actually happening? Is he really not dreaming? He’s sure he’s ugly crying with snot running down his nose, once again looking pathetic but not caring either.

“Fuck you, Harry. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” His voice breaks on the last word, bringing a hand up to muffle his sobs.

Harry looks absolutely devastated, torn between reaching out and comforting him and keeping his hands to himself. He does the latter. He keeps his hands under the duvet to resist temptation.

“What about our children, Harry? Will we just put them through a divorce, a broken family? Is that what we really want for them?”

“We’ll have joint custody, of course. I have no problem with that.”

Louis chokes again, shaking his head in blind rage and more tears spill down his face and why the fuck isn’t Harry crying too?

“So, what? I just get to see my children on the fucking weekend, that’s it?”

Harry nods. “Since I’m the one who's around more, it seems perfectly reasonable that they get to live with me.”

“You’ve never been supportive of me,” Louis spits, loosening his tie because he feels like he’s suffocating in this bedroom of theirs that they’ve shared for six years. It’s no longer a safe place. “You were always fucking spiteful of my job.”

Harry looks uncomfortable. “I never hated your job or you, I know how much it means to you but with our timetable and lives, it’s not convenient.”

“There’s no way I’m going to see the twins on the weekends only, they’re biologically mine.”

And Harry and Louis had vowed they’d never ever bring up whose kid is whose biologically. It was a rule they never argued about, they considered all three of them theirs equally. But Louis has to. Because, Shane and Noah share his blood and he doesn’t have to follow Harry’s fucking rules. He’s a lawyer, he’ll take it to court if he has to and fight his own damn case. He’s not going to be reduced to only seeing them on the weekends, it’s not fucking fair. It’s not fair that this was a discussion at all, even.

Harry frowns. “Louis…”

“I can’t do this,” he decides, turning on his heel and opening the wardrobe to pull out an overnight bag. He’s not sure where he’s going to go, doesn’t even really care either. He just can’t stand here for a minute longer, looking at Harry’s sympathetic pitiful looks and how Harry’s not even crying. Whilst Louis’ sure he’s about to crumble and break apart. “Just can’t.” He throws his clothes into the bag, not even looking.

Harry gets up from the bed, finally, and walks over to Louis. He attempts to reach out but Louis bats his hands away, giving him a dangerous, warning glare.

“Don’t touch me.”

Harry frowns, his bottom lip wobbling. “Where are you going?”

“That’s never bothered you before,” he scoffs, throwing clean boxers in and walking into his ensuite to pull out his wash bag. “Don’t fucking pretend to care now.”

“Of course I care, Lou.”

“Fuck off. Go fuck yourself.” Louis says simply, too upset to say anything else as he zips up his bag and begins to exit the room.

Harry follows right after. “Are you just going to leave during this conversation?”

“Watch me,” Louis simply challenges, walking right out of the front door without a simple glance backwards, slamming the door shut and finally exhaling.

~

Turns out, Niall is great at comforting others. He certainly knows exactly how to comfort Louis. He picks up on the second ring when Louis calls at soon as he leaves, listening to his blubbering and his tears then tells him to shut the fuck and he’s coming to pick him up. Niall takes him home, gives him a warm cup of tea and warns him he’s not allowed to go work. Louis miserably texts Liam who seems to understand. He orders takeaway, puts on a movie and later, let's Louis cry on his shoulders.

Louis’ not in the mood to talk. He doesn’t want to talk about Harry or the past fifteen years. He just wants to forget everything, he just wants to focus on himself and he wants to stop fucking crying. Liam stops by, giving him a pep talk and promising he can handle the first trial date for Daisy all on his own.

It’s been three nights since he’s been sleeping at Niall’s and he fucking misses Harry. He misses his children. He misses Shane’s lazy smile in the mornings, Noah’s crying because he isn’t a morning person at all, Lola’s excited chatter for school and her requests for breakfast. He misses coming home to his children, how they run up to him and hug him, how Lola recalls her entire day, how Harry comes in with an apron and his hair up in a bun, kissing him and asking him about his day. He just fucking misses it all.

Yet, he can’t bring himself to call because he doesn’t want to hear Harry’s voice. He’s not even sure if it’s over. He’s not even sure if they’ve officially called it quits, broken it off. Is Louis single now? After 15 entire years? Is his marriage officially over or will it require more agonizing conversations like the one three mornings ago?

He’s snapped out of his self pitiful thoughts when his phone buzzes with a notification alert. He glances down, noticing it’s Harry’s name and his heart starts speeding up. He debates whether or not he wants to answer, if it’s something that’ll further push the knife in his wound. Reluctantly, he picks his phone up and unlocks to the message.

‘Papa is sad. Where r u??? Daddy???’

It must be Lola.

Taking a few deep breaths, he dials Harry’s number and waits for a few rings before someone picks up.

“Daddy,” Lola breathes out.

He feels warmth spreading through his veins when he hears his daughter’s voice, nearly choking up and bursting into tears because he misses her so fucking much.

“My baby.. Is everything okay?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Niall’s. Are you okay, are the boys okay?”

She huffs, sounding worked up and upset. “Papa doesn’t move from his room all day, what did you do?” The accusation is her voice is clear and Louis wonders how many days Harry’s been upset whilst Louis’ at work.

He bites back the bile in his throat. “What’s wrong with papa?”

“He cries, all the time and he never does anything and Nick drops us off to school.”

Well, that’s just not on. Louis doesn’t want anyone dropping his children off to school, let alone Nick. Why is Harry so broken apart when he’s the one who suggested the break, he’s the one who wanted to take a step away from their relationship. He’s hardly allowed to be the one to cry now.

Louis resists all his spiteful words, biting his tongue because it’s Lola. He hasn’t talked to her in three whole days and he’s not going to bad mouth Harry or Nick to her. Instead, he pulls at his collar helplessly. He wants to be with her, wants to speak to her in person - the distance is killing him.

“I’ll drop you guys off tomorrow, yeah?” He suggests.

“It’s the weekend tomorrow.”

“Then Monday, baby.”

There’s a pause and Louis’ sure he can hear her sniffling. His heart shatters further, he wants to comfort her, hold her hair and stroke it. He wants to say something, anything, to make her better. But there’s no words to make this situation better.

“Are you never coming back, daddy?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The question brings Louis to tears, breaks him apart further because he knows this is hurting his baby. He knows he’s breaking her heart. He never wanted this, he never wanted any of this.

He shakes his head before realising Lola can see him, can’t see how broken about this whole ordeal he is. She thinks her father is purposely staying away, probably blaming herself and so confused.

“I am.. I am.”

“When?”

“I don’t know, Lola,” he answers truthfully, his chest twisting.

There’s no answer from her and the line goes dead. Lola hung up on him.

*

“Hello?”

Louis feels warmth and relief surging through his veins at the sound of his mother on the other line, nearly choking on his unshed tears and clearing the lump in his throat. He sounds croaky and horrid from crying nonstop for the past few days, from neglecting food and only chugging back endless alcohol and turning up to work drunk from the night before.

“Mum..”

Jay must notice the hesitation and the pain in his voice because there’s a painful pause from the other line before.

“Are you alright, boo?”

Louis bites his bottom lip. He’s sitting in the spare bedroom in Niall’s apartment, he’s been here for four days now. He comes home straight from work, doesn’t do anything except sit on the bed and stare at the walls until everything feels numb. He doesn’t know how to cope without Harry.

“No.” He whispers, the word causing him to crack as he starts crying.

“Baby, Lou,” Jay’s muttering, sounding panic-stricken. “What’s going on, love?”

Louis can’t muster a reply, shaking his head repeatedly as he tucks his knees to his chest and rests his head between his legs. He doesn’t want to cry anymore, he’s so sick and tired of feeling this pain. Of feeling like there’s a permanent hole in his chest that can’t be filled, doesn’t want to be filled either. Yet the tiniest affection directed towards him causes him to break out crying, once again.

“It’s not good, mum,” he admits with a shake in his voice, shivering as he cuddles within himself.

“Mmm. Tell me, Lou. You’re really worrying me.”

“I… me- I- Harry-” then he stops, it’s too difficult to bring to words and lets himself sob silently on the line. He feels comforted with his mother on the other line, feeling at home with her heavy breathing down the line. He knows if Jay was here now, she’d draw him close to his chest, stroke his hair and let him cry on her shoulder before baking him lemon tarts with tea and asking for details. He needs to be close to his mother so bad, right now.

“Harry, what? Darling?”

“Give me a second, mum,” he requests, voice thick.

“Okay, sweetheart. Of course.”

Louis takes a second to compose himself, let his breathing regulate back to normal before he comes back down to earth. He needs to hold himself together as he talks to his mother, needs to make it through this conversation without breaking down into tears several times. The topic is difficult to ponder about for too long, let alone discuss, yet it’s all he does. It’s all he can think about and he can’t get Harry out of his mind.

After a few minutes of his crying settling down and Jay waiting, he finally exhales heavily.

“So.”

“So?” Jay prompts, responding immediately on edge and waiting for him to speak and explain.

“Don’t be mad at me, please. Mum, please.”

“Don’t be silly, Louis!” She scolds, though her voice isn’t unkind. “Whatever this is, is killing you and I’d be a stupid person to be mad about it. Did you do something wrong? We can work it out, if you did. Me, you and Harry-”

“Me and Harry might be separating.”

Might be. It’s not even for definite, he’s not even sure where he stands with his own husband in this moment of time because he’s too afraid to pick up the phone and give him a call. He’s too fucking scared to hear what he fears the most. So, his relationship status is in ruins at the moment.

Jay pauses on the other line like she’s not quite sure what she’s just heard. “Excuse me?” She asks.

Louis lets out a wet chuckle. “Yup. Me and Harry might be.. Separating. Or already separate. I… I don’t really know.”

“How on earth has this managed to happen, Lou?”

“It’s such a long story, mum and I’m so sorry I haven’t told you before.”

“It’s okay, boo. What’s happening between you and Harry is personal and I don’t expect you to pick up the phone and tell me straight away.” She sighs. “Just, it’s so unexpected to hear this. I never imagined you’d be having problems.”

“Well, we are.”

“How so? What’s going on?”

So Louis lets it all out. He starts from the beginning, when he started getting more busy and more involved at the firm. He talks through the whole situation with Jay, not leaving out any single detail so she knows they’re both in the wrong. That they both need to work on the relationship problems they have. He talks about the dinner party argument, how the children had looked at Louis like he had just murdered someone. He skips out the angry, passionate sex and jumps right to the separation conversation they had.

Jay listens quietly, humming and making appropriate sounds at all the right times but leaving all her comments right until the end. When Louis’ spent of all his energy, has poured his heart out and possibly cried one more time whilst explaining, he flops back on the bed and exhales.

“What a mess, eh?” Is the first thing Jay says with a wry laugh.

Louis lets out a strangled laugh too, nodding into his pillow. “I know mum. I have no idea how to get out of this.”

“You have to let some time pass, baby. Going back too early might just make things worse, you and Harry clearly need some time apart. You haven’t been healthy for each other and having some space is never a bad thing.”

“I know, mum but it’s killing me. It’s quite literally killing me.”

She sighs sympathetically. “Give it time and then fight for him, show him you won’t back down so easily. That you’ve married him for a reason and you won’t walk away.”

“Only if he wants me to do that.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Jay demands to know, her voice firm. “Harry has married you and been with you for fifteen years, Lou. He’s not asking for a separation for the fun of it, it must be killing him too. He was mustered enough courage to ask for what he thought he needs, even if it’s not what he wants.”

Louis groans, frustrated as he pushes his face into the pillow. “Why can’t he just tell me how he feels instead of hiding it all, pretending we don’t matter.”

“Maybe he feels like he has no other choice.”

“He does, he always will!”

“But he does he know that, baby?”

Louis pauses, shrugging. “I don’t know. God, I miss your mum. So much.”

Jay’s voice sounds thick with emotions when she replies. “Me too, Lou. Please do come visit us soon, yeah? The girls miss you terribly.”

“I will.. Mum. I just need to fix this mess first.”

“You will, Louis. You will fix it.”

*

Despite Liam’s promises that he can handle the first court date, he doesn’t let his best mate go through it alone. Louis’ handled most of the case, spent the most time working on it and with Daisy - it’s hardly fair to pass the job onto Liam. He sucks up his damaged ego, pulling himself together and starting to get ready to look presentable for court.

“You don’t mind me borrowing, do you?” He asks, pulling the tie off the hanger and putting it on.

“Not at all, Lou. My shit is yours.”

He rolls his eyes fondly, kindly ignoring the sentiment because he can’t handle it right now. He needs tough love, not gentle and caring words. He wants to get over it, he wants to get on with his life. It’s difficult, though.

Louis doesn’t know how to live his life without Harry, he’s so accustomed to his husband and how their lives work together. They’ve been married for ten years and not even one day had he imagined it would result to this. He’s reduced to absolutely nothing. He lost his man and his children in a matter of a few days. Louis feels heartbroken and he wants nothing more than go back to his house, pull Harry into his chest and apologise and promise they’ll make it work. But he’s not going to. Harry said it - he wants a divorce. Louis can’t push the words out of his mind, he can’t stop repeating the argument in his mind.

It’s over. It has to be over. He can’t go back in that house and face him. It’s over.

Liam has a stern expression on his face when Louis arrives at the office in the early hours of the morning. He explains that there’s no way Liam’s going to do this alone, that Louis’ coming along no matter what he says. Liam gives in, not wanting to be late as they drive down to the court and are lead to a room where Daisy sits.

Louis runs through the details of their case, the angle they’re going to fight through today. Today isn’t too heavy. Mostly, the prosecutors are going to present their evidence and Daisy will either declare whether she’s guilty or not. Louis instructs she takes not guilty, that there’s a good chance they can get off with a short sentence when he presents all his evidence in later coming dates.

Louis wants to call Harry, wants to explain how important today is and how he needs some sort of comfort. He wants his husband's soothing words, promising he’ll be good no matter what. That he’s sorry that he keeps working so hard, so long that he’s managed to neglect his family because of it. No call is made. No call comes through, either.

The court is stressful and the evidence is pressing against Daisy but Louis takes it all in, gearing up to fight the next time. Daisy declares not guilty and bail is set at some ridiculously high price that she certainly can’t afford. Then, that’s that. Court is adjourned and Daisy’s been lead away.

When the day is over, Louis’ drained and really, he just wants to go home and sleep. Until he realises, he can’t go home and pulls up outside Niall’s house again. He tries not to let the sinking feeling in the pits of his stomach overwhelm him as he cuts off his engine and follows into Niall’s place. The night follows pretty normal to what he’s been getting used for the past week, Niall prepares dinner and they watch it over shitty TV not speaking a word to each other about the obvious mess right before them.

*

“You ever going to try fix things with Harry?” Liam asks as they sit in the park for their extended break, wanting to catch a bit of sunshine and some food after their well deserved work yesterday.

Louis licks his icecream, rolling his eyes at the mention of his name. “Fix what?”

“Well… your relationship?”

“Don’t think he wants it to be patched up, if I’m being honest,” Louis shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like it hasn’t been eating away at him for this entire week. Like it’s not a problem that he hasn’t seen his children in more than a week now.

“But you staying away isn’t going to help either.”

“He wants a divorce, Li. He doesn’t want me to stay nearby, he doesn’t want to fix things - he made it clear about what he wants.”

“So, why don’t you fight for him, Lou? Why don’t you tell him otherwise, why don’t you put your foot down and say no.”

“You don’t think I’ve tried?” Louis sneers, losing his appetite as he scrunches his nose at the sight of ice cream. “You don’t think I told him?”

“Once, yeah.”

“Right. How many more times do you expect? Do you expect me to beg for him?”

Liam frowns, pulling at his hair with his spare hand and shaking his head. “No, ‘course not but I do think you should try more than once. Your children, if anything, deserve better than that.”

“Don’t.” He exhales sharply, his eyes fluttering shut at the mention of his children.

“It’s true, though. You love Harry and you love the twins and Lola. So, go and get your boy, Lou. I know it’s not that simple but you don’t have to complicate it either.”

“How?” Louis groans miserably because he’s just fucking tired and done with life in general. “How?”

“I don’t know like, get him alone somehow for a long time and just talk.” Liam sighs as he licks his ice cream. “Like, corner him into a space so he can’t escape and then just pour all your feelings out. Get him alone for days and days until he understands, you know? Fuck work, stay at home and fix this.”

And it’s like one of those moments where a light bulb flashes in Louis’ mind. Liam’s a genius. Louis knows exactly what he needs to do, now. He’s been a fool, got hurt and decided it’s better to stay away. Even though his mother calls everyday, insisting he tries harder, he hadn’t had the courage to make it happen yet. But now, it’s snapped inside of Louis and he has a plan. He’s going to keep his husband, he’s never going to let him go.

He leans over, giving Liam a wet, ice cream kiss before jumping up and collecting his bag. He can hear Liam’s confused calls after him but he ignores him, jogging right out of the park with the adrenaline rushing through him.

*

So, maybe Louis hasn’t thought out his idea as carefully as he had imagined.

When Liam said to get Harry alone for a long time and talk, Louis instantly thought of a road trip. Him and Harry on a road trip, driving for miles and miles and talking until things were okay. Until they work it out. They could stop at cheap motels on the way, discover some cities in the UK as well as having unlimited free time to give them opportunities to talk it all through. But now, as he drives home for the first time in over a week, he realises the plan isn’t as bulletproof as he imagines.

Firstly, where the hell will the children go? Lola has school, Noah and Shane have a strict schedules. The two of them can hardly up and leave in the middle of a term, leaving their children to fend for themselves.

Secondly, what about his work? He’s bang in the middle of a court case, fighting for Daisy and representing her. Heaven knows Louis has poured time, sweat and blood into his one pro bono case. He can’t leave, he can’t just disappoint Daisy like that.

Thirdly, does Harry even want to go? Does he even want to pack his bags on a spontaneous whim on a quest to fix their relationship? Does he even want to talk to Louis, look at him - let alone try to figure it out and prevent a divorce? Harry hasn’t called once, not a single time to take back what he said and to request that they try instead.

Louis doesn’t know and he still hasn’t figured out all the questions as he parks up outside the house, pulling his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the front door. He hasn’t been home in what feels like forever, the smell of baking overwhelming him as he feels tears springing to his eyes just from the scent. He drops his bag, standing in the hallway and debating whether this is a bad idea. Whether it’ll be right to just walk back right out and if he’ll go unnoticed.

When Lola peeks around the door, eyes widening at the sight of her daddy, she drops the book she’s reading and runs up to him. She doesn’t screech his name like she normally would, she’s at a loss of words as she cuddles him and breaks down into tears. Louis’ heart wrenches, bending down and picking her up to cuddle her properly. She wraps her arms around his neck, her legs hoisting on his waist as she sobs into him.

Louis joins her because dammit, he’s an emotional mess. He’s missed his daughter so much and holding her again makes him feel put together again. He clutches her close, afraid he’ll break her bones if he holds her any tighter, peppering kisses all over her hair and the top of her head.

“I’m so, so sorry baby girl,” he whispers to her, hoping his voice holds the utmost sincerity so Lola will believe her.

She doesn’t reply, shaking her head fervently and snuggles closer. Louis stands right there in the hallway, not wanting to move anyway and continues to hold her, tucking his head into her shoulder.

When he finally pulls away, putting her on his hips, he notices Harry standing by the door watching with teary eyes.

Harry, the beautiful ever-so stunning Harry, who looks dashing even today. Even though he looks like a mess, truly. With his lavender eye-bags and his stuffy red nose and his swollen cheeks like he’s been crying for days on end. With his casual clothes, not bothering to have changed and stains all down his top. With his hair greasy, unmade.

“Lou?” His voice is faint like he can hardly believe it.

Louis tears his eyes away because he needs to see his baby boys and tries to pretend he didn’t just watch Harry’s expression shatter. He goes up the stairs, still holding Lola and knocks on the twins room, entering anyway.

Shane and Noah’s jaws drop in surprise as they run over to him and hug him with Lola still embracing him. Louis chuckles through his tears, choked up and it’s ridiculous how much he’s missed his children. He holds them all close, making sure to touch his boys hair, Lola’s back, stroking and comforting them all.

He spends the better of the next hour just holding them, ensuring he’s okay and he’s only been at Uncle Niall’s house because he needs a break. When Shane and Noah go down for a nap and Lola returns to her room to continue reading, only then, does Louis make him way downstairs back to where Harry’s waiting patiently in the dining room.

He’s crying, too.

“Louis..” he stands up when he sees him come into the room, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Louis, Lou. Please, please forget I ever said anything about anything. Please, I never want anything but you. I don’t want to break up, I don’t want a divorce.”

Louis stares for a few seconds, his mind slow and not catching up with the words as fast as Harry keeps blubbering. Harry wants him. He wants to try. He doesn’t want to split up. He wants Louis as much as Louis wants him. Louis feels like his mind is spinning out of control but he composes himself.

“I need you to go upstairs and pack a bag.” He instructs Harry simply.

Harry’s mouth clamps shut, his eyes widening in surprise at Louis finally speaking. Then confusion taking over his features. “Pack? What do you mean? Are.. are you throwing me out?” His voice sounds so delicate like he’s close to breaking down completely.

Louis breathes harshly through his nose and shakes his head instantly. “No, not at all. We’re leaving.”

“Leaving?”

“Yup,” he affirms, popping the ‘p’. “We’re going on a road trip, we’re going to drive and drive until we talk everything out and we’re okay. Only then will we come back.”

“What-”

“Because there is no way in hell I’m going to lose you, Mr Harry Tomlinson.”

Harry’s lip wobbles as he bursts into a fresh set of tears. He runs forward, embracing Louis with full force and wrapping his arms around him. Louis freezes for a second, the feeling almost foreign to him before he relaxes, hugging him back. They need this. They need to be alone to sort things out and going far away is the best thing for them. He feels like he’s finally alive again, the sparks in his body radiating once again now that he has his husband back in his arms, safe and secure. He can’t help the tears slipping down his face.

Harry whispers into his neck. “What about the kids?”

“Liam and Sophia will look after them.”

“And work?”

“Fuck work,” is Louis says because that’s the reason they’re even in this situation. “Honestly, fuck it.”

Harry sniffles. “Lou.. you need-”

“No, I don’t need to do anything. What I need, right now, is to be with my husband and to work on us than some fucking job. I don’t give a shit about anything but you. Not some fucking career.”

Harry sobs again like he’s been waiting to hear those words, his whole body shaking as Louis tries to quieten him down.

“No more tears, yeah?” Louis’ voice is barely audible, croaky.

Harry nods against his chest. “No more.”