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"Remind me why you requested my assistance, Captain?" Johnny spoke, fiddling with the cuff of his burgundy jacket as he eyed down Amuro, a few paces ahead of him.
The leader of their small squad of Zetas would occasionally be called away for conferences with members of the AEUG (a base of officials Johnny was acutely aware was dwindling in number). Up until now, he'd made all of these trips alone. What compelled him to ask Johnny to tag along this time had been eating at him the entire trip over.
As had the context in which he'd posed the question. They had been in bed together, Amuro had been making the face he often did while devising something perverted, yet- instead of asking Johnny to participate in some new depravity- his request was his accompaniment.
Amuro had instructed him to pick out formal civilian wear for the event and Johnny hated to admit he was a little excited to break out one of his suits. He looked good in them; he felt good looking good.
Conversely, he'd had to restrain a pout that morning at seeing his comrade in the same yellow turtleneck he always wore outside of work. Johnny could imagine him cleaning up nicely if he'd put the effort in. At least he had a blazer on. And- for a reason Johnny couldn't even begin to imagine- sunglasses.
The way they were both dressed up, it made him feel like they had something approaching a regular relationship- which was simply untrue. The dissonance made his head hurt. He had no illusions that Amuro felt romantically towards him at all and was utterly fine with that; it was normal for soldiers to find solace in the physical touch of another, there was nothing deeper to it. They all did it.
He would hardly be surprised if he was only here as a tool for the other pilot to de-stress. He couldn't imagine Amuro taking well to the political side of the job; perhaps their dynamic was more analogous to that of a celebrity and his illicit lover. Johnny scoffed at the thought as soon as he had it.
"You're a smoother talker than me," Amuro smiled as he turned his head slightly to address him. Johnny hummed in acknowledgement of the compliment- it was an obvious truth that he was. "Besides, there's some people I want you to meet."
"Introducing me to the family?"
Amuro laughed at that, but it was dry.
"In a way." He turned away from Johnny as he spoke, suddenly very distant.
Johnny was aware he got like this- randomly. The warmth he tried to present would drop on a dime, leaving him noticeably colder.
At first, Johnny didn't think much of it. Now aware of his comrade's past, it would make sense for him to be suffering some sort of adverse mental affects. Although he'd never experienced shell shock himself, he'd known men who had. It was unfortunate but in no way shameful and didn't render a man more dangerous than he would've been otherwise.
Sometimes, against his best judgement, it frightened him. The idea that Amuro could spin around suddenly on a sortie and run through his cockpit with a beam sabre should've been a ridiculous notion- yet it was a thought Johnny kept returning to.
What had spawned it was this was one time, after they'd spent the night together, Amuro had fell asleep cuddled up next to him. This was an unusual occurrence. Typically, after they'd cleaned up, he'd politely ask Johnny to leave (they often met in Amuro's room. Johnny was bunking with Matsunaga and, frankly, didn't want to subject him to any of this).
Often, Amuro's comfort-seeking was an ill omen; the last time this had happened they'd been woken up in the middle of the night by an assault on their base and had to scramble to get in a presentable enough state to sortie.
This time, it wasn't the monotonous screeching of an alarm the stirred Johnny from his tenuous rest, but the soft sound of shuffling fabric and short gasps.
In the dark, his eyes rapidly adjusting, he could see Amuro writhe like he'd been stabbed- grabbing fistfuls of the thin bedsheets and panting. A nightmare? He supposed that wasn't unexpected. He sat up and leaned over the other pilot cautiously.
Grabbing his shoulder in hand, Johnny gently shook him. When that didn't wake him, he applied more force incrementally, until he was practically lifting him off the mattress.
"Amuro?" He tried, something swirling in the pit of his stomach at the sight of the ace with his eyes screwed shut in fear and his mouth agape. He couldn't tell if he loved or despised the sensation. "Amuro!"
"Ch-Char." The other pilot wheezed, spit pooled at the corner of his mouth, overflowing down the side of his jaw and falling onto the bed in wet patters.
Johnny knit his eyebrows together. His lip curled in what was decidedly an unflattering glower. Even now-
That unnameable emotion in the depth of him flared, clouding his judgement. He squeezed Amuro's shoulder far past the point it'd bruise- dug into skin with his fingernails so hard he was worried it'd bleed.
Jolting, Amuro's eyes snapped open, teeth ground together and bared like a snarling animal. His right hand shot under his pillow- instinctively- as the other one reached up to claw back at Johnny's arm. Dread seeped into his bones. The White Devil was under him and he still felt pinned by his gaze- like if he didn't act quickly his life would be snuffed with nary a twitch of his finger.
Amuro's mouth flapped a few times before his lips formed around the name he needed.
"Johnny-" Amuro croaked, then went slack. His eyes unfocused and Johnny felt less like a cat in a dog's jaws. The hand he had under his pillow retracted slowly and then slammed over his mouth. He rolled over- shoving Johnny away- and staggered quickly to the bathroom. Johnny couldn't help but eye the red mark he'd left on his shoulder. His hand print.
He immediatly recognised the sound of someone vomiting and cringed sympathetically. Must've been a bad one, then.
Left sat waiting on the small, stiff mattress, he eyed the pillow Amuro had reached under- desperate and clawing, like it was a lifeline. Why would that be his fear-born reaction? Was there something there?
Curious, Johnny slowly slid a hand under the fabric, not really sure what he was groping for.
The cold steel of a combat pistol was familiar to him, he knew what his fingers were ghosting over as soon as they made contact.
Johnny jerked his hand back like the metal had burned him. How long had that been there? His stomach did flips, sweat beaded at his forehead.
How easy would it have been for Amuro to use that to shoot him?
The sound of running water made him jump. He swivelled his head just in time to see Amuro lean weakly against the bathroom's doorframe- hands folded over his stomach like he was cradling a wound and cheeks bloodless. Water dripped down his face- caught in his long eyelashes and beaded at the edge of his fringe.
"Johnny," He started again, voice firmer but still hoarse. "Can you go?"
Truthfully, Johnny was happy for the out. He was quick to leave the room- nodding and shuffling off the bed ungracefully. Amuro's eyes burned his back even after he'd closed the door behind him. He still felt watched when he settled into his cot.
He lay awake in his bunk well into the morning, staring blankly up at the ceiling as Matsunaga's even breaths filled the silence. His jaw ached. He never used to grind his teeth but, now, the tips of his incisors were chipped and blunted when he ran his tongue over them. A new habit he'd formed. His hand clenched around nothing.
That had be around a week ago; that Johnny had discovered Amuro's practice of keeping firearms close to him while he fucked. He hadn't been back in his quarters since.
Eyeing his back, Johnny noticed that he was even strapped now. He found his eyes repeatedly lingering over the little crease the firearm left in Amuro's jacket.
They walked in silence the rest of the way to the venue (a hotel in Dakar- it was the first time Johnny had ever been to the federation's capital and he found it, honestly, underwhelming). It was pleasant enough, he supposed- even with the wallpaper a little yellowed and the carpet obviously cheap. At least they were greeted at the door. Amuro had the tact to take his shades off and put them in his breast pocket- thank god.
It was busy enough inside- he counted around 45 people at a glance, all smartly dressed. Amuro immediatly grabbed a concessionary drink, tugged lightly on Johnny's sleeve in a request to stick together, and then waved over at a tall man Johnny definitely recognised but couldn't place where from.
He was dressed in, oddly, a federal captain's uniform. His hair had clearly once been neat, but now had a few strands loose; as if he'd been running his hand through it and sloppily tucking it back into place. Spinning to face them, his eyes widened when he saw Amuro- then the whole of him melted into relief. Back and shoulders freshly relaxed, he smiled warmly.
"Amuro! Glad to see you alive." He bantered as soon as they were close enough. His tone was light, but the sentiment underneath was genuine. Patting Amuro on the shoulder, he tugged the shorter man into a friendly half-hug. Amuro laughed- a little breathy. Johnny willed his face neutral.
"And, hello. I don't think we've met?" Mercifully peeling himself off Amuro, the man turned to Johnny and held out his hand. Plastering on a smile and taking it, Johnny noticed how firm and level it was; definitely a career soldier. Were all the people Amuro wanted him to meet bloodthirsty dogs?
Only now did Johnny recognise him as Captain Bright Noa- his face stern yet amiable, the expression he wore in press coverage. This development shouldn't have surprised him, but nonetheless he felt uneasy under the gaze of the Trojan Horse's ex-commander. Another man who'd taken many lives from many good people.
It'd be hypocritical of him to judge him solely for that, though. There was far more despicable and dangerous men in this room (Johnny would know. He'd been in bed with one of them). He could be civil.
"Johnny, sir. It's an honour to meet you," Maybe he was laying it on a little thick. "I've been working with Captain Ray."
"Well, thank you for keeping him safe." Bright praised- Johnny heard Amuro scoff quietly at the platitude. If Bright heard it he didn't react.
The rest of the conversation was perfectly regular. Johnny didn't have much reason to talk, so he watched as Amuro and Bright caught up, joked about things they'd experienced. Tittering along with them, he barely looked away from Amuro's face- soft and content in a way he hadn't see it before- as he chatted and took intermittent sips of his drink.
Could warfare really form bonds like that? Warm ones? Johnny doubted Amuro relished in the memories he had of '79. Was Bright good enough of a friend to get over the circumstances they'd met under?
Eventually, Amuro realised he was being stared at. Locking eyes with Johnny, that intensity he carried returned to him like he'd been snapped out of a pleasant haze.
Promising to talk more later, he grabbed and jostled Bright's arm before spinning and walking towards the room's exit, putting his empty glass on a table on his way out. Johnny nodded at Bright politely and then followed after him.
He made it through a door and a couple steps down a hallway before he was pulled into an adjoining room by his collar, barely having the time to recognise it as a bathroom before he was corralled into one of the stalls. He was incredibly taken aback. Was this as attack? He couldn't hear anything over his own heartbeat and the squeaking of dress shoes on tile.
Roughly, his back hit the thin stall door hard enough to rattle the frame. His hands gripped at the ones grasping him. Amuro Ray was pressed up against him, smiling at him- cold and sharp. Johnny felt light headed from the relief that hit him, and then the new dread that bubbled up in his stomach. That look meant nothing good.
"I can't believe you're jealous," He goaded in a half-whisper, snorting as he pressed a kiss to Johnny's neck. 'Jealous' he repeated, more of a disbelieving mutter to himself, before laughing shortly again. The feeling of his breath puffing against Johnny's damp skin made him shiver.
"Where did you get that idea?" Johnny replied tersely, his jaw locked. His face was heating up and he told himself it was purely because Amuro was mouthing at him.
"Oh, come on, don't get your back up," He murmured against his neck, nipping at the part of it he'd been worrying with his lips. Johnny jolted back a little and grunted. "It's cute."
"You have a strange idea of cuteness." Amuro always found news way to surprise him. It was amazing that Johnny could still be preoccupied with the minutia of his oddities with the man's leg between his thighs.
Amuro's hands released his collar, smoothing down the front of his shirt (pausing momentarily to grope at his chest) and coming to rest at his hips. Sinking to his knees slowly, he looked up at Johnny with that same sly smile.
"Here?" Johnny asked, a little incredulous. He was expecting some fooling around but not during the event. In the bathroom. Did the notion of Johnny being possessive appeal to him that much?
"These things are always so dull. This is far more stimulating." Amuro stated plainly as he unbuckled the belt holding up Johnny's dress pants. It was a hard sentiment to argue with, especially when Amuro disrobed him and and took his half-hard cock in his welcoming hand.
As Johnny's trousers pooled around his ankles like a snake's shed skin, something clattered out of his pocket and onto the tile floor. Amuro reached out and grabbed it before it rolled under the stall door. Fuck.
"Oh? You have these with you?" Amuro studied the bottle of pills with an unreadable expression. Other hand still on Johnny's dick.
"Yeah, y'know-" Johnny cleared his throat, suddenly very uncomfortable. "I don't wanna… go into withdrawal or anything."
Eyeing him suspiciously for a moment, Amuro eventually shrugged and tucked the stimulants back into Johnny's pants pocket.
"Not like I can judge," Sitting back on his haunches and staring Johnny dead in the eyes, he squeezed his cock a little too hard. Johnny winced. "I really don't understand why you'd want any of that, though."
Was it insensitive for him to want to tap into the abilities that had clearly caused Amuro so much strife? Even if the drugs only gave him a fraction of the other pilot's faculties, he couldn't help but long for what he had that Johnny didn't; precognition, heightened reflexes, faster reactions- they were all too valuable both in and out of the field. The One Year War and Gryps had both been defined by Newtypes. The next war surely would be, too. It was natural to strive to be like them; ergo, to be like Amuro.
Amuro seemed convinced there was nothing special about him at all. That was false. Johnny knew a Newtype when he saw one fight. And nobody- alive or dead- fought like Amuro Ray.
(Also he wasn't lying about the withdrawal. He was warned by their medical officer that the pills were addictive. He decided the benefits were worth the drawbacks.)
"That's easy for you to say, you don't know what it's like to pilot without them." They'd had this argument before, it always soured Amuro's mood severely. His smile dropped and he pouted. Stroking him a couple times, dry and uncomfortable, he let go of his dick before flicking it and watching it bob up and down- presumably to get back at him for bringing it up while he was on his knees.
Nodding to himself, he reached into his jacket and pulled something out of an interior pocket. Looks like Johnny wasn't the only one to bring along something unexpected.
"You-" Johnny grit through his teeth, reminding himself to keep his voice down. That was a little bottle of lube. "I can't believe you."
"I didn't want to carry a bag." Amuro explained, tipping some of it out onto his fingers before reaching around and prodding them against Johnny's asshole. He jumped at the sudden cold and realised he was grinding his teeth again.
Amuro dragged him closer by the hip, bringing his head down to tongue at the base of his cock as he slowly pushed a finger inside him, wiggling it around. Johnny swore under his breath, biting the inside of his cheek. His dick jumped against Amuro's face.
Johnny had had things up his ass before he started sleeping with Amuro, but they had always been fast and dirty- quick releases of tension. The way Amuro opened him up was nothing like that. It was simultaneously blissful and infuriating. He liked to take his sweet time, peeling him open slowly far past the point of readiness- till Johnny was left a shaky, leaking mess- and then further past that too.
Occasionally it was all he'd do. Just finger him for hours, staring at his face the whole time. Johnny had never felt more vulnerable than he did in those moments.
He really really hoped this encounter wouldn't devolve into hours of endless teasing. Not in a public bathroom stall. Please.
As Amuro slipped in a second digit and started pressing repeatedly into his prostate, Johnny heard the door to the bathroom open, then steps stride into the space.
Tensing, he held his breath. He looked down at Amuro with panic in his eyes and was met with a nefarious little smirk. Oh god.
Johnny brought his left hand up to his mouth to bite the side of it as Amuro redoubled his efforts. His fingers moved quickly inside of him, he started to lick at and nibble his balls. Johnny's legs shook and his shoes scraped against the floor as his knees tried to buckle. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished to be anywhere other than here.
Johnny was aware he tended to be pretty loud in the throes of pleasure. Amuro had mentioned before how much he enjoyed that. He seemed intent on getting them both caught and removed from the venue and discharged from service forever and-
Blood begun dripping down his hand as he heard water running, his teeth punching his skin. The tap stopped soon after and he heard a man clear his throat, the shuffling of fabric, then the sound of dress shoes clacking towards the the door.
Relief hit Johnny like a tidal wave as he heard the man leave. Unclenching his jaw and removing his hand, he gasped as Amuro retreated his fingers and leaned back away from him all at once. He glared down at him, prepared to ask where the hell he got off, before he noticed that there was a few specks of blood in his face and hair. His stomach sunk and his cock throbbed- the sight lodged his complaint in his throat.
Amuro tilted his head like a puzzled animal.
"You okay? I knew it was gonna be fine," Right, he could do that. Johnny felt a little silly for worrying as much as he had. "You'll need to run that under the tap."
"Yeah, yeah," Johnny took a deep breath, getting himself under control. "You have, uh… On your face-"
Humming, Amuro dabbed his dry hand against the splotch of wet blood on his cheek, collecting it onto his fingers and studying it for a moment before dragging his tongue across it.
His dark eyes flicked up to meet Johnny's- framed under his eyelashes- as he licked his fingers clean. His tongue darted in between his digits, tracing the length of them and curling into the divots of his fingernails. Spit dribbled down his hand and chin. Not once did he break eye contact after he'd made it, Johnny swore he didn't even blink.
Choking on air as his face flushed, Johnny thought about how nice it was to have that tongue in other places. He thought about how intent Amuro was at not wasting any piece of him that'd spilled out. He thought about how an old Zeonic commander he'd served under had called the White Devil 'bloodthirsty'.
Just before Johnny was about to find out if he could cum just from watching someone tongue bath themselves, Amuro grew bored and wiped his hand on Johnny's leg, sticking his hairs together with his spittle and causing Johnny to recoil. Ew.
Seemingly satisfied with that reaction, Amuro pressed his lips to Johnny's cock again- just under the head- and kept pressing till it hit Johnny's abdomen, it was hot and hard against his own skin. After that, he pulled Johnny's underwear and pants up over his waist, even taking a second to pull the ends of his belt together in a mock-dressing, before standing and dusting off his knees.
"That's it?" Johnny blinked at him in disbelief. He was hardly the type to cut and encounter short.
"We've been in here too long. We should get back before anyone starts gossiping." Amuro spoke as he manoeuvred Johnny out of the way of the stall door by his shoulders, unlocking it.
"But- You can't just leave me like this." His trousers were uncomfortably tight around his crotch; the outline of his dick would absolutely be visible. It was deeply cruel of the other pilot to rile him up and then leave him hanging.
"Come off it. You're not the first person I've seen with a boner tonight," Johnny really didn't know what to say to that. He suddenly felt very angry over the idea that Amuro had been spending his time ogling at a bunch of stuffy military men and politicians. He was right here, dammit. He felt incredibly childish for that impulse in the same breath. "I'll treat you properly later, we're sharing a room here."
"I-" It's not like Johnny was a teenager anymore. He could take a little delayed gratification, he supposed. As uncomfortable as it was. "Alright."
Before they left the washroom but after he'd fixed his appearance, Johnny did the best job he could cleaning the fresh wound on his hand (it was, luckily, very shallow and clotted easily). He had to hold Amuro in place and pick the dried blood out of his hair, though- much to his chagrin.
Although he was now painfully horny, Johnny spent the next couple of hours buttering up a bunch of people he would rather never have to see or talk to. It was nice to know he hadn't lost his touch (though this wasn't nearly as high-stakes as Lady Kycillia's parties had been. Nobody here was going to lure him out back and try to off him).
To his credit, Amuro did chime in to answer any inquires about mechanics or logistics. It was clear to Johnny that he did genuinely care about Karaba and wanted to slow down the downward spiral it'd been taken after Gryps ended- even if he couldn't stop it completely. They weren't doing a terrible job of swaying a few sponsors to their side.
It wasn't all smooth sailing, however.
Amuro kept disappearing to go and pilfer more drinks throughout the night. This in of itself wasn't a massive deal (Johnny could stand by himself for a while, he wasn't 12), but people seemed to consider this an invitation to come and talk to him.
Most of them were old men, which Johnny could handle- just keep yourself professional, end the interaction as quickly and painlessly as possible. One time though, a young woman (one he'd noticed had been eyeing him and Amuro for a little while now) made a beeline for him with a determined look in her eyes.
She was small, in a very pretty blue dress and with very soft looking blonde hair. Johnny straightened his back as she approached, a little perplexed. He smiled, though- attempting to charm her a little.
"Hello, and who might you b-" He had to cut himself off as she leaned in far too close. Their noses would've bumped together if he didn't flinch back. She was up on the balls of her feet to line her green eyes up with his.
"Are you sleeping with him?" She spoke in a near whisper. Her tone was accusatory but, strangely, playful. There was a wry smirk on her lips. Johnny baulked.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Johnny hissed under his breath. No way they were being that sloppy. He'd never even seen this woman before."You can't just accuse someone of-"
"You are, aren't you. Oh my god, that's hilarious," Thankfully, she fell back on her feet and moved a pace away from Johnny so she could continue to stare at his face. She held a hand up to her mouth to hide a giggle. "I guess you are his type. Come to think of it, you really look like-"
Not this again.
"I know," Johnny said flatly, shaking his head. "What does that have to do with it?"
That broke her out into laughing properly, she almost doubled over. Johnny felt like he was missing something important.
(The fact Amuro muttered the Red Comet's name in his sleep meant absolutely nothing. It was common to have nightmares about something that'd scarred you).
Before she could open her mouth to mock him more, Amuro walked back towards them, he waved at the snickering woman, the look on his face was a little strained.
"Bel!" He greeted, a little too enthusiastic. Johnny sensed tension. "You look well."
There was a pause where the woman- 'Bel'- calmed herself. Amuro glanced between the two of them.
"Were you bullying him?" He asked tentatively, more as a formality.
"Only a little bit," Bel beamed at him, that biting mockery didn't leave her eyes when she turned to regard Amuro, though. "You look well too."
Muttering a thanks, Amuro started repeatedly shifting his weight from one foot to the other- utterly crumbling under the woman's scrutiny.
"Piloting not giving you too many issues, is it?" She said pointedly, glancing at Johnny as she did as if to study his reaction.
"No," Amuro huffed like he was embarrassed by the question. "Wong's not giving you too much trouble, I hope."
"Not any more than usual." Bel smirked, tilting her head and considering Amuro with the terse affection one would a misbehaving pet.
"Um. Well. That's good," Rubbing the back of his neck, Amuro looked at the walls, the floor, anywhere but Bel's direction. "We should really-"
"Yeah, I'll leave you to it," Jabbing Amuro in the arm and winking at Johnny, Bel spun to walk back into the middle of the room. "Don't do anything too stupid."
After waving- small and awkward- at her back, Amuro dropped his arm and sighed. After a moment, he took a healthy gulp of the drink he was holding.
Johnny watched the woman's blue dress disappear behind a small cluster of people, voicing the thought he'd been nursing since he'd first seen her.
"Who the hell was that?" He needed answers, now. Johnny was growing sick and tired of being so out of the loop.
"Beltorchika Irma. She's a journalist who works for Karaba," Amuro looked at Johnny and the incredulous look he was giving him. Grimacing, he elaborated. "We broke up a couple months ago."
"You what?! You didn't think-" Realising he was nearly shouting, Johnny grit his teeth and leaned in closer to Amuro- forcing his voice into a whisper. "You didn't think to tell me she'd be here?"
"Why would I? It's not like we're-" Amuro gestured vaguely between the both of them. "Y'know."
Taken aback, Johnny fumbled for something to say through his disbelief. Eventually giving up and grumbling inadequately. He was a little rattled by how much that'd stung his pride. Folding his arms over his chest, he looked away from Amuro in a huff.
Amuro, who didn't stop staring at him with his ridiculously big eyes, slowly inched his face into the corner of Johnny's vision. He leaned close enough that Johnny could smell the cologne he was wearing and felt the need to lean away before his face started heating up.
"Are you upset?" He had the gall to question, voice soft. A warm hand rest warily on the juncture of Johnny's elbow. He didn't shake it off.
"What is wrong with you." That wasn't a question. Johnny had become intimately aware of a lot of Amuro's maladies over the course of their time together, The man was simultaneously blunt and reserved. Getting him to explain how he was feeling was like pulling teeth, but he'd tell Johnny he didn't love him like the words meant nothing to him.
Contradictions building on contradictions. It was hard for Johnny to form the shape of him in his mind. Maybe that's why he was so fascinated by him- as frustrating as spending time with him could be. Trust the Newtype to be so difficult to understand.
Amuro started to gently stroke up and down his bicep and Johnny was more annoyed at himself for enjoying the touch than he was for Amuro initiating it. He really was like putty in his hands.
Reaching up to tug Johnny's head down (a pull Johnny really didn't resist at all) Amuro puffed hot air against his ear.
"You're the only one I'm fucking right now." His voice was low. Johnny tried his hardest to hold together his detached facade. The goosebumps on his skin betrayed him- he was sure Amuro would be able to feel them with his fingers on his neck.
"Enlighten me. What do you mean by 'right now.'"
Jumping when Amuro bit the shell of his ear, he moved away, back hitting the wall as he half-detached himself. Amuro's hands were still on him, but he could turn to see the entirety of his face.
"Are you insane? We can't do this here." This was so much worse than the bathroom stall. If he really wanted to do something they could just go back there.
"Nobody's looking," Amuro took the opportunity to start mouthing at his jaw, his leg pressed between his legs again and Johnny couldn't stop himself from chasing the pressure with his hips. "I think you like it."
"I-" Johnny couldn't find the words to argue with that. His heart was pumping too loud in his ears. Adrenaline was assaulting his senses and it felt good. Fuck, maybe he did like it.
"If you're so bothered-" Plucking the sunglasses from his pocket with a wry smile, Amuro held them up to Johnny's face. "Here."
Truth be told, Johnny really didn't understand the need for the sunglasses, but he didn't stop Amuro from slipping them onto his face. The room dimmed.
He was prepared to ask him what the point of them was, exactly, when he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from moaning loud enough to get them caught.
Honestly, if Johnny was to choose a place in this large room to do something illicit, it'd probably be here. They were against the wall in a place where the building jutted out, providing them some cover. Johnny could only see a few people from here which, gracefully, meant they wouldn't be visible to the whole party. It was nice to know Amuro did have some self-preservation.
Allowing himself to relax a little, Johnny pressed his body against Amuro's hand as it smoothed down his front and came to loosely grope his cock through his trousers. Johnny hissed through his teeth and lolled his head back.
It was hard to focus on anything else with Amuro licking and nipping at his neck while stroking him, applying more pressure incrementally. His pace was slow, almost teasing, and Johnny would've yelled at him to get on with it if it wasn't for the risk of them getting found out.
Honestly, Johnny was a little ashamed to admit he could probably get off on this alone. He was already painfully hard. Amuro had a certain way of riling him up like this and the extra risk of their current situation wasn't at all helping. It was a little pathetic how quickly he had him biting his lip to hold back some incredibly uncouth groans.
Refocusing his vision to see in front of him, Johnny realised with horror that they were being watched.
He flinched when he saw Beltorchika from across the room, now making direct eye contact with him. Her eyes were blown wide and a hand was up to her face in shock, but the expression soon melted into a smile. Johnny held his breath as she started walking towards them.
"Amuro-" He choked out. "Amuro, there's-"
Amuro hushed him, squeezing harder and digging his teeth into his skin. Johnny hissed, his face aflame with embarrassment as the woman came up close enough to get Amuro's attention with a small giggle.
He didn't peel himself of Johnny, if anything he retreated further into him, like he could meld with his body to hide. Turning his head, he looked at Beltorchika- his curly hair brushing against Johnny's nose and lips as he did.
"Bel." Amuro whispered. Johnny had never heard him sound so small.
"I knew it," Beltorchika grinned, leaning down to look Amuro in the eyes. She was incredibly close and Johnny could smell her sickly-sweet perfume. "Well, don't stop on my account. Go on."
Amuro didn't move for a moment and Johnny was similarly locked in place. He let out a breath, the air cooling Johnny's skin where it was damp with spit. Johnny swallowed heavily.
When Amuro started moving his hand again, Johnny screwed his eyes shut tight, not wanting to look a man's ex-girlfriend in the eyes while getting jacked off by him. How was he meant to live after this? This whole situation was horrendous.
He heard Beltorchika click her tongue, then felt her begin to cling onto his right arm. He supposed this was the best outcome. It was advantageous for her to be into this rather than angry. At least she wasn't alerting anyone else.
He was lucky the people Amuro fell into bed with seemed to be just as perverted as him (Johnny included. He couldn't pretend otherwise anymore. Not with how the woman's prying gaze made his stomach flip).
"I thought he looked better without the sunglasses, Amuro?" She spoke like she was telling a mean spirited joke, one Johnny didn't understand. Amuro shivered against him- whether it was from arousal or abject terror he couldn't tell.
"Don't." He mumbled, resigned and begging. Beltorchika chuckled again.
She snaked a hand around Johnny's neck and turned his head to face her. Johnny would be lying if he said she wasn't beautiful. There was that icy, enticing bite in her eyes- the same one Amuro had. Was that why they'd been together? Why their relationship crumbled?
"I didn't catch your name, loverboy." Johnny gulped as her voice hit his ears, mouth dry.
"Johnny, ma'am." His voice wavered from both pleasure and humiliation- feelings he was finding increasingly similar. He should've felt ashamed of himself but he couldn't bring himself to be.
"Oh, so polite too," The honorific seemed to delight her. "Come here."
Standing up on the tips of her toes and craning Johnny's neck, she pressed her soft lips to his. Her mouth was soon open, running over his dry lips. Amuro squeezed him and Johnny gasped, opening his mouth and letting the young woman lock their lips together properly.
The kiss was soft, tenderness occasionally broken by Beltorchika biting the flesh she had access to. Johnny kissed her back, short of breath. He was incredibly close to unravelling.
What ultimately set him off was the feeling of Amuro's long eyelashes brushing against the base of his neck as the man closed his eyes and sighed. He was so near to him. So warm.
Johnny arched his back and canted his hips as he spilled inside his tight dress pants. His moans were swallowed up by Beltorchika's mouth. Amuro kept rubbing up and down his length as he rode the orgasm out. He felt Beltorchika grin as much as she could into the kiss.
She soon uncoupled from him, a sting of spit connecting their mouths before she wiped her lips with the back of her hand. Her lipstick was smudged and Johnny could feel some of it on his own face. A smile still played on her features. She really was very pretty.
He felt like he'd been deboned. His legs were shaking. Amuro started to move away from him, too, and Johnny had to stop himself from grabbing him and keeping him close. Desperately, he wanted to grasp fistfuls of his jacket and hold him tight to his body- for just a moment longer.
He didn't, though, and Johnny was struck by how frigid the room really was without Amuro's body heat. The mess in his pants was quickly cooling and becoming uncomfortable. A quick pat of the affected area left his hand dry, though, so it hadn't soaked through. Little mercies.
Face a little flushed, Amuro cleared his throat, not meeting Johnny's nor Beltorchika's eyes.
"Well, then. Um," He fiddled with the cuff of his jacket meekly, like he hadn't just made Johnny cum in public. "Thanks, Bel."
Snorting, Beltorchika jabbed him on the shoulder.
"You're insane, you know that right." Huffing, she smoothed her dress down. "I'll go clean up, have fun boys."
Winking at Johnny as she walked off in the direction of the bathroom, he was left completely lost for words. Looking to Amuro for guidance, he was met by the pilot sighing heavily.
"I need a smoke."
Stepping out into the cool night air was refreshing. Johnny huffed as the breeze tickled the skin on his face, wrapping his arms around himself loosely in a half-hearted attempt to warm himself.
After hurriedly cleaning himself up, he had followed Amuro out the front of the hotel. The sun had set over the course of the event- the temperature steadily dropping with it.
Amuro had already slipped a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out from one of his pockets. He handed Johnny a smoke as he held another between his teeth. It was a small thing, but he lit Johnny's first.
"I'd say we did good work today," He smiled at Johnny after taking his first drag. "You're not too shaken are you?"
"No, no. It's uh-" He paused to clear his throat. "It's been a lot but I've had… fun."
Amuro laughed, almost dropping the smoke.
"Glad to hear it."
They stood next to each other in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Johnny found a nice enough place to lean against the wall and looked up at the sky. It was strange how few stars he could see from the Earth's surface. Through a colony's windows it felt like there wasn't a place you could glance and miss them.
Suddenly, Amuro's back straightened- fast enough to make Johnny jump at how quickly he jolted. He swivelled around, eyes blown wide and unblinking like a gun dog.
Just as quickly and with just as much warning, he tossed his half-burned cigarette onto the ground and broke out into a sprint into the dark of the street, hand reaching behind him, under his jacket, to unholster his pistol.
Before Johnny could ask him what the hell he was doing, he spotted a figure- also running- in the low lamplight of the street. He turned a corner and Amuro trailed him. Cursing, Johnny stamped out his cig and took off after them.
The man Amuro was chasing didn't make it very far- tripping and eating shit on the pavement after only a minute or so. The pilot was soon stood over him with his pistol levelled at his head.
Catching his breath (god, running in formal wear was terrible) Johnny jogged up to Amuro's side, staring down at the person his space-esper powers had decided they needed to drop everything and run down.
The first thing Johnny noticed was the gash in his forehead. He must've hit it on the corner of the pavement when he fell. It was ugly and painful-looking and ran red down half of his face, forcing his left eye shut. He was rolled half onto his back, both of his hands up shakily in front of his face, curled in on himself as much as he could.
The second thing he noticed was that he knew this guy. Or did. They'd been in the same class at the Zum military academy. He didn't know he'd survived the war. Johnny tried to keep his face stoic as the revelation made his stomach drop so fast he dreaded he'd gag.
Amuro, headless to this, kneeled down and roughly rummaged through his (Dayton, Johnny vaguely recalled) pockets. Tossing his firearm far enough away he wouldn't be able to reach for it. It was a standard Zeonic pistol. Johnny recognised the shape of it as it skidded across the asphalt and the steel caught in the light.
Then, gun still aimed steady at the man's head, he reached into his other pocket and pulled out a crumpled stack of papers.
Standing back up, he shoved the papers into Johnny's chest, he had to scramble to catch them all. He didn't take his eyes of Dayton for a second.
"What do they say?" he asked flatly, not even glancing at Johnny.
"Um. Uh-" God this had all happened so fast. He was a soldier, dammit, why was he so caught off guard. Taking a breath, he righted the papers enough to squint at the text in the dark. "Something about- shit, resources being sent out to the Nahel."
"Did you read those?" Amuro gestured at the papers with his gun, now regarding Dayton.
"I-I-" The man gulped wetly. "No?"
Amuro scoffed, derisive.
"Are you one of Haman's?" Johnny knew the answer to that one before Amuro could ask it. Dayton had always been gullible- from a staunch royalist family, too. He'd be more surprised if he hadn't stuck around in the shell of Zeon, even after it'd been hollowed out.
"I-I'm-" Dayton had been avoiding Amuro's eyes through the course of this sham-interrogation, but he met them now. "I'm not s-scared of you."
"That's not what I asked-"
"And you?! You traitor!" Dayton's head snapped to Johnny. Anger clear in his tone and expression- bone deep. "You abandoned us for the enemy?! Don't you have a shred of shame?!"
"Dayton-"
"You're nothing but animals! Scavengers bleeding the colonies dry! Your own people-" Blood was in his teeth as he clenched them together, tears in his eyes. He shook his head in disbelief. "You all deserve what's coming to you. Especially you- you damn butcher. You'll rot in hell. And you'll rot too, Ridden- for standing shoulder to shoulder with him."
There was a moment where nobody spoke. The air was thick with a volatile tension. Johnny felt both hyper aware and clouded all at once, electric at his edges. He saw Amuro's hand twitch out of the corner of his eye.
Dayton began to lurch forward, the first few milliseconds of an attack. His back and arm made it a few inches from the pavement before Amuro pulled the trigger and ended his movement- his everything- with a flex of his finger.
Johnny stepped back, the sound of the gunshot shocking him out of the haze he'd been caught in. He instinctively shielded his face with his forearm but he wasn't fast enough to stop blood splattering on his cheek. He felt gore hit his middle, his trousers, his shoes. He froze- brain lagging a pace behind.
The night was quiet. He could only hear his own pants, the sound of something wet dripping onto the pavement, and Amuro's breathing- there was a hitch in the level pace of it- maybe two- but not more.
"Are you okay?" Amuro asked softly. Johnny slowly dropped his arm away from his face, realising he was shaking.
His gaze was pulled towards Dayton's corpse, a limp human body with a bloody mess where the head used to be. Turning away, he gagged.
"Hey," Amuro stepped between him and the hunk of meat, blocking Johnny's view of it again. A warm had rest on his back. "It's okay. We need to go and report this."
Johnny couldn't form any words. This was far from the first time he'd seen death, but typically he'd had the disconnect mobile suits provided to separate himself from it. He'd never seen someone dispatched like that so up close- let alone someone he knew. The scent of blood in the air made him sick.
Amuro began guiding him back the way they'd came. Johnny stole sidelong glances of him as they walked. There was blood on his face and hair again- more on his jumper and suit jacket. Some of it was still wet, a red rivulet dripped into his cupids bow and down over his lips. Johnny's chest felt incredibly tight.
When they got back, most of the party had already dispersed. Johnny hung back as Amuro found someone to give the papers to and inform of the body outside, progressively getting his breathing under control.
By the time Amuro rejoined him, he was very prepared to go to bed. Thankfully, Amuro seemed to have the same idea. He led him to the room they'd been given by his hand. Johnny's heart felt full at the gesture, even if it was just and attempt to sooth him over and overtly romantic sign.
Stepping into their shared room, Johnny became aware that there was not two, but three beds. And another man was already in there- reclined on the bed closest to them with a book, small reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose. He was in a thin white vest and blue pyjama pants.
"Are you fucking kidding me." Amuro remarked dryly. The man (was that Bright Noa?) turned to them and flinched back a little, probably at the sight of the blood.
"Amuro? Johnny. What happened?" He put the book down and leaned forwards- at attention. he looked concerned for the both of them.
"Doesn't matter," Amuro shook his head. "Johnny, you can use the shower first."
Amuro pat him on the shoulder and skulked off to the balcony- probably for another cigarette.
Sighing, Johnny gave Bright a little wave, who smiled awkwardly back and nodded.
"I didn't know you'd be in here." he remarked, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt as he shook his jacket off his shoulders. He'd need to wash it.
"Neither did I." Bright shrugged, sympathetic. "Maybe they overbooked?"
Humming noncommittally, Johnny moved into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He scrubbed himself until the water ran clear instead of sickly pink. He kept scrubbing for a few minutes after that, irritating his skin.
He felt infinity better for being clean, the shock of the earlier moment had left, now, and all he felt was a bone-deep exhaustion.
If it were just him and Amuro, he would've stepped out in a towel, but the idea of exposing himself to Bright Noa left him so mortified he opted to put his boxers and undershirt back on.
When he moved back out into the bedroom, Bright and Amuro were sat talking on the same cot- Bright hadn't moved and Amuro was perched on the end of the mattress. They both turned to look at him when he came in.
Amuro nodded at Bright and stood, he put a hand on Johnny's shoulder as he walked past him and into the bathroom himself.
Bright cleared his throat and shifted, he was under the covers now- the book and his reading glasses were on the side-table next to him.
"I'm sorry that happened, Johnny." Bright comforted like he'd said words like this a billion times. It was a kind sentiment though- Johnny focused on that.
"It's fine. Just part of the job, right?" He shrugged, sitting on the bed in the middle of the room. He couldn't allow himself to dwell on it- it'd do no one any good. It happened and he had to move on.
"Still, that doesn't make it easier," Johnny really wished he'd stop talking. "You should try and get some rest."
"Uh-huh." Mumbling a response, Johnny lay down and faced away from the other man, hoping he'd get the memo.
He did, thank god. Johnny heard bedsheets rustling and the flick of the bedside lamp as he turned it off.
Sighing and closing his eyes, Johnny listened to the water running in the other room, time washing over him like it meant nothing. The noise pattered on for what felt like hours, then stopped. Amuro still didn't emerge. Johnny wondered what he could possibly be doing in there.
It was long enough that Bright seemed to fall asleep. His breaths even and soft- at least he didn't snore.
Eventually, Amuro did stagger out of the small washroom- hair wet and clumped together, only clad in his boxers. Immediately, he flopped onto the remaining bed like a dead body. He didn't even drag the covers over him.
Johnny looked at his back for a little while, all of it bare and open to him. For a pilot of Amuro's experience, it was shockingly light on scaring. There were a few shallow cuts- faint lines that could be mistaken for tricks of the light- yet only one that struck Johnny as being of any significance.
A faint, dark wound on the back of his shoulder. Johnny remembered he had a similar one of the other side of the muscle- something had pierced him all the way though. It was too small to be a gunshot wound, too uneven to be from a human beam weapon. Shrapnel, maybe?
Stupidly, incomprehensibly, Johnny was seized by the urge to reach out and drag the pads of his fingers across it. If he was in a sounder state of mind, maybe he wouldn't have.
Amuro's flesh was warm and, momentarily, very pliant. He quickly tensed and spun around though. His face was hard.
"What are you doing?" He grit through his teeth. Johnny was less taken aback by his anger and moreso by how tired he sounded. He wanted to be closer to him.
"I thought, maybe-" Johnny whispered back, considering his words carefully. "Do you want me to touch you?"
Amuro's face was mostly obscured by darkness, but Johnny could see how that stunned him. Abashedly, he motioned at Bright's sleeping form with his eyes.
"Here? Are you sure?" To answer his question, Johnny climbed out of bed and onto Amuro's, turning him on his back with a gentle shove. Amuro huffed and his face flushed a little. He really was very cute like this. The fact that the same man could be as terrifying as he'd been earlier was throwing Johnny for a bit of a loop. "I mean, go for it. If you want to."
He leaned over and kissed the side of Amuro's mouth, the phantom taste of blood lingering on his lips. An idea came to him.
"I want to understand you." Johnny declared, peering Amuro in the eyes. He slowly backed away from him, just enough to reach into the side-table for the draw he'd stuffed his pants into, procuring the little bottle of stimulants.
"Woah, hey. Is that a good idea?" Amuro lay a hand on his hip, not stopping him but causing him pause. "Those are for combat, right?"
Johnny smiled down at him, unscrewing the lid and shaking one of the pills out onto his hand before returning the rest of them to the draw.
"I want to take it from you," Amuro looked at him like he was incomprehensible, that wouldn't be an issue soon. "Open your mouth, don't swallow it."
As confused as he was, Amuro did as he was told- opening up. Johnny shivered a little at the way his wet insides gleamed in the low light. He placed the pill into Amuro's tongue, aware of how his face scrunched up a little. Then he pressed their lips together again, licking around the inside of his mouth and knocking the little capsule around in the process. He sucked it- along with Amuro's saliva- down his throat.
Amuro was looking up at him in disbelief- dazed and horny. Johnny relished in how good it felt to be the one catching him off guard for once.
Not wanting to waste the time he had before the meds kicked in, he reached for Amuro's jacket this time- it had been discarded on the floor near the bed- fumbling for the lube.
Placing it on the bedside, he yanked Amuro's boxers down his legs; he raised his hips to make it easier. Now exposed, Amuro squirmed a little, squeezing his thighs together and shifting his hardening cock across his stomach. Johnny wrenched them open, slinging the shorter man's legs over his shoulders and pressing down on him.
The position was a little obscene- Amuro's legs were nearly straight up in the air- but he was clearly enjoying it. His face and neck were boiling when Johnny nuzzled against them, his hips twitched, he breathed open mouthed and needy.
Almost folding Amuro in half, Johnny grabbed the lube and spilled a little bit of it onto his hand, returning to his place against his chest as he got on with fingering him. Amuro grunted softly as he pushed a finger inside, then again when Johnny grabbed his dick with his dry hand and stroked him.
"Amuro," Johnny mumbled, lips against skin. He could feel his mind beginning to crack open and spill out. Amuro was like a yawning, boundless ocean- dark water lapped at his feet, so close. He needed to be closer. "Amuro, I lo-"
"Don't say it," Amuro croaked, nails digging into the muscles on Johnny's back. "Please don't."
Acquiescing, head too full and fuzzy to argue, Johnny went quiet. He sped up his movements, though. Amuro gargled, choking on his spit. His insides were soft now, Johnny's strokes were wet on his cock.
"Johnny," He trembled urgently, pushing at his chest in an attempt to get him to back up a little. "Get on your back."
A little mournful at having to separate from him, Johnny peeled their sweaty skin apart. Collapsing on the mattress, he cringed a little at the way it squeaked. Turning his head to Bright, he was relieved to see the mound of blankets was still unmoved.
All that left his head with Amuro on top of him. Warm hands quickly scrambled to get his cock out of his boxers- like a soldier fumbling for his sidearm. Soon, he was hard and pressed against Amuro's ass. The man panted over him, sweat dripping from his face onto Johnny's chest. Cupping his hips in his hands felt right.
He was aware he keened when he slipped inside Amuro, but he was powerless to stop his reactions. Everything felt incredibly tactile and yet a complete fantasy. He could probably die like this. He might die happy.
Amuro fell forwards and knocked their heads together as he wiggled his tongue inside him again and lapped at the inside of his mouth. Everything lost all sense.
Johnny was in the middle of that ocean, now. Lying flat on his back amidst the waves. The water stretched on infinity in every direction, gently rocking him back and forth. It would be so, so easy for him to slip under- for the magnificent depths to swallow him whole and fill his lungs. Squeeze him till he lost himself in it- became an indistinguishable part of it forever.
Yet, he felt no fear. The environment around him depicted a cold night but he only felt warm, comforted. He began to long for that final embrace. The water would treat him kindly, surely. He wouldn't be the first to be devoured by it and he certainly wouldn't be the last.
His mouth and nose fell under and he closed his eyes. Behind them, he saw himself; aroused and short of breath. He felt his own cock deep inside him, scratching at his insides and sending him reeling. He felt affection; but a shallow sort of it.
It wasn't just him he saw- there was the woman from earlier here too, Dayton's lifeless corpse, a blond man Johnny didn't recognise. Every emotion he could name warred in his chest.
The most significant seemed to be that stranger. He was handsome- undeniably so. He looked a lot like Johnny though his nose was a little smaller, he had a longer face, there was something melancholic in his eyes. Little details you'd only notice if you knew either of them well.
Above all else, there was a small, pink scar in between his eyebrows. He couldn't take his eyes off it. He wanted to bite and claw it open anew. He wanted to kiss it better.
The body he was inhabiting did neither of those things- it leaned forwards and licked along the length of it, sensual but ineffective. Johnny felt both the skin on his tongue and the tongue on his skin.
The act didn't carry the satisfaction he'd hoped for. As always, he was left deeply wanting. Incomplete. A fragment of something with three parts.
It brought him to, regardless. He tensed and shook as he came- as both of them did, Johnny realised, as Amuro spilled onto his stomach, chest, a little on his face.
Johnny writhed like a fish out of water, coughing and spluttering as quietly as one possibly could. His lungs burned like there was liquid in them. What was that?
He looked up to Amuro for help- for anything, really. The other man was staring down at him with wide eyes. His expression was unreadable but utterly intense. His chest heaved with a few short gasps like the beginnings of someone breaking into tears.
Eyes dry, he rolled off of Johnny, quickly grabbing his underwear and pulling them back on clumsily. He rushed outside onto the balcony without looking at him.
Johnny gazed at the door he'd left through for a couple moments, hoping it'd open again and he'd come back. That maybe he'd be able to explain what just happened.
The door remained stalwart, however, and Johnny had to push down the emptiness in his chest and slowly shuffled off the bed and pad outside.
Amuro was sat on a cheap plastic chair. His pistol was on the table in front of him and Johnny saw both of their reflections distorted in the metal as he came to stand behind him.
"I can't-" He began, voice strained like he was forcing the words out. "I can't give you what you want."
Did that thing he'd experienced go both ways? Did Amuro see through his eyes as Johnny had his? Johnny tried not to focus on his heart fluttering at the idea, honing in on Amuro's words instead.
"That's okay. I don't think I can give you it, either." He'd seen how hollow Amuro felt with him. Although he doubted Char Aznable of all people would be able to fill that void. Maybe that was an unfair assumption.
Amuro doubled over, resting his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry," He spoke so quietly Johnny might've missed it if he hadn't been so intently focused on Amuro. "For wasting your time- for everything."
Johnny really didn't understand what he was so distraught about. If Amuro didn't love him back then fine. He enjoyed his company, regardless. If he viewed him as an inadequate replacement for a piece of his puzzle, whatever. As long as Johnny got to see the immaculate, terrifying ocean that lay at the depths of him again, it'd be worth swallowing his pride.
"Don't worry," He soothed as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, laying his head in his hair. The shapes of both of them in the gun's mirroring angles shifted against each other, melding. "It's not like I have anything better to do."