Archive of Our Own

Suspended

Many thanks Myrna and Katrina for their beta reading. It is a much better story because of their input. Any remaining mistakes belong to me.

DISCLAIMER: No infringement of copyright is intended by the writing, posting or reading of this bit of fanfiction. Rated NC-17 for m/m sex.

Comments would be appreciated.

Suspended

by Sasha

Blair sat at Jim's desk, trying to look busy while he waited for the meeting in the Captain's office to end. He looked up as Jim opened the door. Jim's face was unreadable. He was hesitant to ask what was on his mind but he had to say something.

"Hey man, how'd it go?"

Jim ignored him and started out the door. Blair just stared at his back wondering what was wrong. After waiting several moments with no sign of the detective's return, he went to the Captain's office. Sandburg knocked lightly for attention. Simon looked up and motioned him in.

"Uh, do you know where Jim was headed."

"I'm sorry. I'm not surprised he didn't tell you. This isn't going to be announced but you need to know. Jim has been suspended until the hearing on the shooting."

Blair sank into a chair with an astounded look on his face. "That's not even close to fair! You know the shooting was justified. There is no way anyone can think differently."

Blair thought back to last night's incident. He and Jim had been walking back to the truck after eating downtown. They heard a shot as a man ran out of the alley, nearly bowling over Blair. Jim grabbed Blair around the waist to keep him on his feet. Jim demanded information from the man he had snagged by the collar. He gasped out that there was a guy in the alley who tried to mug him. Jim ran into the alley while drawing his gun. Blair followed when he realized where Jim was headed. Blair heard the detective yell "Police! Stop! Put down the gun." The next sound was a shot being fired. Blair felt his heart go into double-time and yelled, "Jim, are you OK, answer me, Jim!" He ran into alley with fear churning his stomach. His relief at seeing Jim kneeling by a fallen form left him weak-kneed.

"Jim, are you all right?" The detective didn't reply. He could only stare at the body. Blair began to speak slowly to him, using his guide tone of voice. He was certain Jim had zoned out. Still not getting a response, the guide tugged on Jim's arm, forcing the detective to face him. The look of horror on Jim's face caused Blair to realize that rather than being zoned out, the detective was in shock.

"He's dead! I shot him. Oh god I didn't realized until it was too late that it wasn't a real gun!"

The memory of the agony in Jim's voice made Sandburg wince as he returned to the present. "OK, Captain. I guess I'll head home and see if I can find him."

Blair knew his friend was inside as he entered the loft. He wondered what he could say to the detective to make him talk. Jim would just keep it to himself, like usual. Blair made a pot of coffee as an excuse to approach his roommate in his lair. As Blair climbed the steps he called out, "Hey, I thought you might like a cup."

Jim turned at the sound of his voice and grimaced slightly. "Yeah, thanks," Jim replied, reaching for the mug. Blair hesitated then said softly, "The Captain told me about the suspension. I was floored. I don't understand why they'd do that."

Jim raised his eyes, glaring. "Did he tell you I was the one that requested it?"

Blair sank down to the floor stunned by this statement. He missed this part of Simon's explanation while reliving last night's events. "Why? You know you had every reason to shoot. The suspect aimed a gun at you after you identified yourself!"

"Gun! Suspect!" Jim spit out. "The gun wasn't REAL and the suspect was a 14 year old boy."

Blair realized that Jim hadn't been able to get over his horror of last night. He was truly convinced that the death of the teenager was his fault. Blair understood why he felt that way, Jim always expected perfection from himself. He knew this was going to be a struggle. When most of the gaps from last night had been filled in, it was determined that there were two teenagers working the mugging. The older one fired the shot then fled over a fence, leaving his buddy to face the consequences. Jim entered the alley, expecting to see the man who fired the shot. The boy had pointed his "gun" and froze. The split second conclusion Jim reached was that he was about to be shot, so fired in response. The gun turned out to be a very detailed imitation of the real thing.

Blair needed to comfort his friend somehow. It just seemed natural to lean forward and lay his hand on Jim's arm. "How can I help? I know you aren't ready to listen to me but I'm so worried about you."

Jim looked at him in surprise. He had been sure his guide would badger him to talk about it, to rehash all the details and reasons why it was an accident. He knew Blair fully believed that Jim had no other course of action but he just couldn't see it that way. What good are were his vaunted senses if he couldn't use them to avoid shooting a kid?

Blair read the older man's surprise and was glad. Maybe he could keep the detective off balance enough to prevent defensive reactions. Blair spoke gently, "Let me know when you want talk about it, OK?. I'll be here no matter when you're ready." Blair rose to his feet, only now removing his hand from Jim's arm. "I'm going to make some lunch. Come on down in about ten minutes."

Jim just shook his head no. Blair faced him with a determined look. "I won't take no on this, Jim. You'll feel better if you eat a bit." Besides he thought, it will make things seem a little more normal.

Blair had to call Jim down to lunch but was pleased to see him actually eat a little. All he really wanted was to help ease his friend's feelings of guilt. The younger man kept up a steady stream of chatter about things at the university. Jim wasn't exactly ignoring him, but he wasn't paying a whole lot of attention either. Jim replied with a mumble now and then. Blair decided to slip in a more serious comment to see what kind of response he would receive.

"Let's work on some of those tests we were doing a few days ago. Maybe concentrating on some of your senses will help?"

Jim shot him an exasperated glance. "No way. I don't want to. It wouldn't work anyway."

Blair dropped the subject. He was torn between his need to ease Jim's distress or to let the detective have some time. Blair tried to make sense of his overwhelming desire to comfort Jim. The most puzzling aspect was that all his ideas centered on offering physical solace. All the other times Jim had needed his help, Blair automatically went into his guide mode. He would focus on how to help Jim get a handle on his problem. Ideas would arise almost faster than he could assimilate them. His difficulty was deciding which one offered the greatest chance for success. Now "nothing" would come to mind. Blair speculated that this was because Jim's problem wasn't directly related to sensory overload. He hadn't really ever helped with Jim's emotions. Usually his main concern was staying out of Jim's way while his anger at Blair cooled.

Shaking his head at his unproductive thoughts, Blair began to consolidate some of his Sentinel notes. He had many examples of Jim's use of his Sentinel abilities. Things had been so hectic at the station lately, his scribblings were in utter chaos. Sighing under his breath, Blair explored the best way to organize them. Should they be grouped by the sense used? -- nah that wouldn't work. Jim's ability to piggyback with one sense on top of another would create shambles of that system. Maybe he would just enter each as separate stand alone incident and try some sort of flow chart. He wasn't convinced that would work either but at least he would have it all in his computer. He certainly hoped he could avoid any sort of statistical analysis. Blair hated forcing a social science into cut and dried facts and figures. Blair chuckled lightly to himself. Without even trying, Jim was making his life difficult.

The student looked over at Jim as he realized he had laughed out loud. He expected a question or at least a glare at the sound He was worried by the sight that greeted him. Jim looked as if his entire focus was centered somewhere deep inside himself. It didn't appear to be any type of zone out the guide had seen before. It was eerie enough to a cause a shiver of fear to run through him. He quickly moved to kneel by Jim's side.

"Jim, what are you thinking about," Blair asked softly. When there was no response he reached for Jim's clasped hands, lowering his voice to speak as if the detective was zoning. "Jim, Jim, concentrate on my voice. Follow the sound, bring yourself back to the sound of my voice. Follow the trail of sound." Blair was encouraged as Jim's countenance lost its glazed look. Jim began to take in his surroundings. He shook himself and met his guide's concerned eyes.

"What do you want? Just leave me alone," Jim growled as he abruptly pulled his hands away.

Blair flinched at the words and tone but did let it drop. "You sorta looked like you're zoning, I had you focus on my voice to get your attention. What happened? Did one of your senses go haywire?" Even as he asked this, Blair knew it wasn't true.

Jim replied tiredly, "No. I guess I was just lost in thought. And no, I don't want to talk about it," forestalling his guide's next question.

Blair changed tactics in light of Jim's words. "OK. Why don't we have a light supper and an early night? God knows neither of us got enough sleep last night." The detective acquiesced, knowing he was getting off lightly.

Blair woke to the sounds of moaning in the early morning. Since he had half expected this, he was instantly alert. Now the question was what to do. He knew Jim would "not" appreciate his friend coming upstairs and rousing him from a nightmare. He knew that was his own personal choice but in deference to Jim, decided on another approach. Blair entered to the kitchen to make coffee. He made no attempt to be quiet. That was the whole point. After several minutes, he heard Jim come down the steps. Blair shot him an apologetic look. "I guess I had enough sleep. How about you?"

Jim appreciated Blair's white lie that allowed him to hide the real reason for rising so early. He gave a slight smile and reached for a cup for coffee. Both men sat at the table, letting the silence reign as the early morning light began to filter through the windows. Blair was chasing his thoughts for a way to help. Jim looked a little better but still had a haunted cast to his face. His entire focus during his relationship with the Sentinel was to help when Jim was in trouble. This was first time he had seen Jim at a loss when it was not related to his senses. Since he couldn't help as a guide, maybe he could help as a friend. A glimmer of an idea was beginning to surface.

Blair abruptly shoved back his chair, startling Jim in the process. "You want another cup? I'll fix breakfast then head over to the University. What are you going to do today?" Blair's face showed his dismay as he realized exactly what his last question had been. He began to apologize but trailed off as Jim raised his hand.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to watch every word you say, I'm fine." Jim's voice was even but his jaw was slightly clenched. "I have some errands to run and then I want to go work out. Don't bother with breakfast on my account."

Blair was anxious enough to be on his way that he let it ride. "OK, I should be home early afternoon. See you then."

After Blair left, Jim continued to drink coffee. He let his thoughts flow. Trying to avoid thoughts of the other night had gotten him nowhere. Surprisingly, he found himself puzzling over his guide's behavior. He would have bet he knew exactly how Sandburg would react. He would have been entirely wrong. Well maybe not totally. Jim could tell Blair wanted to help and really cared. He was just surprised at Blair's subdued reaction and lack of prying. He remembered all the time Blair's persistence had helped him with both his senses and his job.

Once Blair reached his office, he mulled over the tactic to take with Jim. He knew trying to convince Jim with words that the shooting was accidental wouldn't work. His own aversion to facts and figures made him realize how different his outlook was to Jim's. The detective dealt with facts all the time. That was how he preferred handling input. Blair planned to pursue some facts that would convince his friend.

Blair called the Cascade Police Department, asking to be transferred to the firing range. He was connected to Carl Middler, just the person he wanted. Carl had been on duty several times when Jim had taken him for target practice. Blair had initiated a conversation with Carl, hoping to put off picking up a gun as long as possible. They had talked about the impact of controlled and uncontrolled weapons in several societies. On each successive visit, they had continued this discussion.

Blair asked Carl if he could stop by mid-morning. He was assured that would be fine. When asked, Carl said he had heard about the shooting and been asked to look at the "gun" involved. Blair's normal optimistic out look was bouncing back. He was finally doing something.

Carl was free when Blair arrived at the firing range. As they moved into Carl's office, Blair began his questions. "How realistic was the gun? Why are they around?" These were the his first two requests.

Carl replied, "It is one of the best copies I've seen. They're usually custom ordered by guys who play weekend warrior. Most of them are just acting out a desire for more excitement in their lives. But some are so intense, they want every last detail to be accurate. Luckily, most of the camps draw the line at weapons that fire live ammo." Carl continued, "This one was probably stolen from the original owner and never reported. The police wouldn't have been very sympathetic."

Blair's face grew brighter as he listened. His next question was key. "In your experience, how many police officers would be able to tell the difference? Let's say in a dark alley at fifteen feet."

Carl nodded in understanding. He realized all officers would feel some guilt from the shooting, but it would hit Ellison harder than most. "Blair, I really don't think anybody could. Even if it had been as bright as day, it would have been unlikely. The only significant difference between it and the real thing is the weight. It doesn't have an ammunition magazine and the manufacturer didn't compensate quite enough."

Blair asked a few more questions. He learned that Carl might be asked to appear at the hearing as an expert witness. Blair thanked him profusely and left.

On his way to the station, the guide replayed the conversation in his mind. He knew Jim would just counter the fact by pointing out that his senses made it irrelevant. In spite of this, Blair considered it a good start. He was amazed at how much it meant to him.

Blair went to the personnel records department when he arrived at the station. He saw Tracey sitting at her desk and sauntered over. After shooting the breeze, Blair came to the point. "I was hoping you could help me out. I want something from Detective Ellison's file."

Tracy gave him a dirty look, "You know I can't do that, why do you even ask?"

Blair held up his hands to stop her tirade. "Whoa, I don't think it's confidential. I just thought I could get it faster from here." Tracey's look told him she still wasn't buying it. Blair started in persuasively, "I only want to know where Jim ranked and what his scores were the last several times he qualified at the range crime-on-the-street simulation. I know those are usually posted as sort of a competition thing. I figured it would all be in his file rather than having to find out when he was there over the past several years. It sure would save me looking through all the logs at the range."

Tracey said hesitantly, "You're right, it's available here and at the range so it isn't confidential. Still, nothing is suppose to be released from personnel folders without proper authorization." Blair just gave her a pleading look until she caved. "Oh, OK but don't breathe a word of this to anyone."

Blair headed back to campus with copies of the scores. He needed a strategy for the best way to present the data to his friend. Blair had realized for that over the last several months Jim was listening and accepting his ideas more and more. At first the detective had been skeptical of all his ideas. Then gradually he began to accept his guide's suggestions on controlling his senses by asking how instead of scoffing. Now, he realized that Jim almost always accepted his lead as guide. He was a little awed at the trust involved. Lately Jim had even begun seeking his input and suggestions on their cases. Blair shook his head, coming to grips with how much things had changed. Just when had he started considering Jim such a good friend? Enough of this meandering, he had a guilt ridden detective to convince otherwise.

Blair's analysis of Jim's personal scores and standings within the group confirmed his hopes. As he expected, Jim was always at the very top of his group and had never shot a civilian target in any of the simulations. What Blair found most intriguing was the slight increase in the time taken to complete the simulation in the last two qualifications. Both occurred after the onset of his Sentinel abilities. He felt this was a result of Jim taking the extra split second to analyze the scene with his heightened senses. All of this was essential to make his case. The big question was how. Blair gathered all the information and headed back to the loft. He was several hours later than he expected.

Jim had finally run out of reasons not to return to the loft. He wasn't looking forward to facing Blair again. Not that his friend was being intrusive. To the contrary, Blair was being too sympathetic and understanding. It was making Jim feel guilty for being so churlish. Jim was relieved when he realized that Sandburg had not yet returned. Taking advantage of the quiet, he hit the couch for a nap. It was not to be. His thoughts and the pervasive silence defeated sleep. He drifted out to the balcony to lose himself in the view. He simply couldn't accept the teenager's death as an accident. Jim tried to remember in detail, everything that led to the instant of his shooting. Nothing would come clear except the moment he realized that the gun was not real. He put his hands to his head and groaned.

Blair entered the loft, setting his backpack on the table. He saw Jim out on the balcony. When Jim gave no sign of hearing him, Blair knew Jim hadn't heard him. He watched his friend for several minutes then heard him groan. Without even thinking about it, he hurried out onto the balcony. Turning Jim to face him, Blair placed his hands on top of his Sentinel's. "Jim, what is it? Tell me how I can help. I can't stand seeing you like this," Blair pleaded softly never removing his hands. Jim's initial reaction was to draw back, but he could hear the intensity in his guide's voice and see the caring in his face. He slowly let their hands fall from his face. He made no movement to remove his hands from Blair's. Jim met his friend's eyes and replied in a low tone, "I don't know how you can help. I don't see how anybody can. Right now I can't imagine what it would take to make this something I can live with."

Blair was very encouraged that Jim was finally "talking" to him. He paused to absorb the contents of the words. He was dismayed at the heartfelt despair of both the words and Jim's body language. He almost started in on his day's findings but felt Jim wasn't ready to listen. Instead, he tugged gently at Jim's hands leading him inside. They sat side by side on the couch. Blair couldn't bear losing contact so continued to clasp Jim's hands.

Blair wanted to keep the conversation going. "Tell me your thoughts. I really think it will help. I don't care if they make sense. Just share what keeps running through your mind. Or better yet what is it you can't bear to think of."

Jim looked at him in astonishment. His guide must have taken up mind reading. He was still reluctant to talk but, Blair had proved himself many times in the past. He was past the initial shock and at least had some semi-coherent thoughts. He eased his position to face Blair, removing one hand from his grip. He closed his eyes to consider his next words. Blair was mesmerized at his friend's countenance. He could see the trust Jim felt for him. The hand that remained clasped between his, the closed eyes and his totally relaxed posture. He would treasure this moment of their friendship.

Jim began to speak slowly. "Right before you came in, I was trying to review what led up to the shooting. My thoughts would glide over everything until the moment I realized the truth about the gun. Then it just washed over me that I can't see any way to resolve this... this anguish. I shot an unarmed kid. His life is over because I made a mistake. It shouldn't have happened." It took Jim several minutes to utter even this much.

Blair realized this was his final pause. It was all his friend was able to bring himself to say. Blair asked gently, "Can you remember exactly when or what made you realize the gun wasn't real?"

Jim turned his gaze inward to reflect on his response. Blair clearly saw the pain etched on Jim's face. He reached out to stroke the wrinkles from Jim's forehead, trying to ease the pain. Jim leaned into the comforting touch. Neither man seemed aware of it. Jim said with surprise, "I didn't know it for a fact until I reached down and picked it up."

Blair inhaled sharply at these words. This was the lead in he needed. He felt he could broach what he had found out today. Jim saw his excitement and wondered, "What is it? How can that make any difference?"

The guide leaned forward to give him a quick hug. It startled both men, but Blair was so excited he continued without pause.

"Jim, I talked to several people today. I had to help you somehow. Since you weren't ready to talk, I was curious about a couple of things. First, I went to see Carl Middler. Man, he was a great help." Blair stopped his rush of words to take a deep breath. As he bounced excitedly up and down on the couch he became aware that Jim was grinning at him.

"What?" Blair asked.

Jim just shook his head. It was so good to see his friend acting normal again. It even made him feel like some of the weight on his shoulders was lifted. Jim prodded, "OK, tell me what was so fascinating."

Blair recounted his meeting with Carl. As he came to the weight issue, he reached out to touch Jim's face. Looking directly into his eyes, Blair stated with conviction "Carl said the only way someone could identify it as phony was by the weight. It's lighter." He held Jim's gaze willing the detective to accept this as a fact. Something he could deal with and would allow him to ease some of his guilt. Blair saw something akin to hope flicker in the depths of the clear blue eyes. It faded as Jim began to speak.

"Carl was right about the weight but still I should have been able to pick out some sort of visual clues. You know some of the things I have been able pick up on. The smallest detail at great distances. There must have been something. Why can't I control my abilities when I need them most?" At these words, he casually leaned away from Blair's touch. His shoulders slumped as his guilt ate at him. Blair still had great hopes for the rest of his day's work. He ached to see Jim hurting so badly. All he wanted was to hold and comfort him. The thought startled him, but didn't stop the path his body was already committed to. He bent forward, gently placing his arms around his friend.

Jim tensed, poised to pull back. His hesitation allowed him to absorb the comfort and care Blair was offering. He admitted that a small part of him wanted to be comforted like a child. How he wished it was that simple -- that a hug could make things better. As he relaxed into the warmth of Blair's body, he felt some of the tenseness ease from his muscles. Maybe a hug could help even if it didn't solve anything.

Blair was amazed. Jim once again was putting his trust completely in his guide. Blair felt this was the time to continue their talk. "Jim, let me tell you what else I found out. Please don't interrupt. Concentrate on my voice and my words. Keep your mind open to what I say and how I think it all fits together." Jim just nodded, still sheltered in Blair's arms. He could feel the rumble of his guide's voice through his chest.

"I pulled some of your weapons qualification results out of your personnel file. I wasn't surprised at what I found. You know that you've never shot a civilian target in a simulation, right?. The interesting thing is that your times were slightly higher after we started working together. I don't believe that your reflexes slowed. I'm convinced that you're utilizing your heightened senses for that extra moment to analyze the situation. It meant giving yourself an edge but you still reacted fast enough to remain among the top scorers."

Blair tipped Jim's face toward him and asked earnestly, "You said you can't clearly remember all the details. Let's talk you through it. I really think it would help. You need to do this to come to any sort of a resolution. Trust me on this, OK?"

Jim agreed immediately. He placed himself totally under the control of his guide. He could see no solution himself. He was hoping....no, he believed that Blair could help him.

Blair eased Jim into a more upright position but maintained contact by gently stroking his hands and forearms. He spoke in the low controlled familiar tone he used as Jim's guide. "Think back. You started into the alley after the shot. Concentrate on sight. What could you see? What were your reactions. Tell me what happened next."

Jim began to respond slowly, "It is so dark at first. I'm focusing on making the best use of the light that is available. A figure becomes visible about ten yards in front of me. He raises his arm and I see a gun aimed at me. As I run forward, I yell out 'Police! Stop! Put down the gun.' The man doesn't listen. I can see his finger tightening on the trigger. I fire as I drop to the ground. I see him fall. I keep my gun trained on him as I approach. He isn't moving. His gun is on the ground nearby. As I check for a pulse, I realize he is just a kid." At this point, Jim's recitation becomes ragged and uneven.

Blair cupped his face murmuring, "It's OK, Jim. We're almost through. Just a few more minutes. Tell me what you did next."

Jim calmed at the touch and the soothing words. He continued, "I reach down for the gun. As I pick it up, something seems wrong. It isn't balanced right. No, that's not it. It doesn't weigh enough. It's not a real gun. I just shot an unarmed kid." Jim became very agitated again.

Blair gathered his friend in his arms, rocking him slowly. As the older man composed himself, Blair began to speak. "It's all over now. I'm going tell you what I heard. You used your Sentinel abilities to distinguish the perpetrator. You saw him take aim. You identified yourself. You did not shoot until he left you no choice! You did not and could not know about the gun until you picked it up. Jim, you didn't fail. You made judgments and reacted to the best of your Sentinel abilities. These are the facts. Think of it as a series of decisions made using rational thought processes and your years of experience."

Jim listened closely to Blair's words. Everything his guide said was true but was it skewed in perspective to make Jim feel less guilty? He decided he needed to think things over. Once again he was heeding his guide's words and advice. He let himself slump completely against Blair. He wasn't ready to cut loose from the comfort he was absorbing from his friend. Blair offered no protest. He was willing to hold Jim for as long as he was allowed.

The next morning Blair entered the kitchen to start coffee. He was startled to hear Jim's greeting.

"Morning, Chief"

Blair returned the sentiments with a wide grin. Jim looked rested and seemed much less haggard. He really hoped yesterday's session had helped.

Jim was feeling better but he needed to do more thinking. He had decided that getting away from Cascade for a couple of days would help. The hearing wasn't until next week. He had nothing keeping him in town. That was the easy part. He desperately Blair to come with him but didn't know how to ask. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Blair, I want to head up to the mountains for a few days for some peace and quiet." Jim stopped speaking when he saw his friend's face fall.

Blair was crushed. He had hope that Jim would continue to open up to him. It had felt so right yesterday. He believed it had strengthened their friendship and now Jim wanted to get away. He stared down at the table struggling to find words that would hide his feelings. He looked up as Jim enveloped his hand with his own strong hands.

The older man's face filled with concern. "What is it? Do you think we'd be better off in town? I just thought being away from the city would help."

Blair grinned as he heard the word "we". Jim wanted him to go along. Jim was now even more confused. Blair took pity on his partner.

"I thought you were talking about going by yourself."

Jim shook his head. "I wasn't sure how to ask you to come along. Guess I messed that up. Can you leave for the next two days?"

Blair was thrilled at being included, but he still took a few moments to consider the question. Luckily, there was nothing he couldn't postpone. He would take his laptop in case there were times Jim really did want to be alone. "I can't think of anything keeping me here. Guess you're stuck with me now. Where are we headed?" Jim squeezed his hand and smiled. "I thought we could rent a cabin at Granada. I stayed there a couple of years ago. The views are breathtaking. There are plenty of trails I always intended to go back to hike."

Blair rose, giving Jim's shoulder a squeeze as he headed for the kitchen. "It sounds great. Let's see how fast we can get packed."

They arrived at the cabin by mid-afternoon. Both men had enjoyed the packing, loading the truck and even stopping for supplies. Blair was amazed at how well they had worked together. He seemed to be able to anticipate Jim's every move. Even better, Jim looked calm for the first time in several days. Some of the tension in his shoulders had eased. Most of the journey passed in companionable silence, broken only as one pointed something of interest out to the other.

Jim was surprised at how much he had enjoyed the day so far. He hadn't thought about the shooting except in passing. On those few occasions, he was able to shove the painful thoughts away. He was looking forward to the next two days.

After getting their gear stowed, Blair asked, "Well, which trail do you want to hit this afternoon?" The map shows one leading to a waterfall, or we could take the one down to the lake." Blair was lacing his hiking boots. He found Jim grinning at him when he met his gaze.

"I guess rest and relaxation is out of the question. Where do you get all that energy?" Jim wondered. "Let's go to the waterfall."

"You sure? I can go by myself if you'd rather stay here." Blair didn't want to force his company on his friend. Just being here was good enough.

Jim grabbed his hands to help him to his feet. He gave him a quick hug, turned him towards the door. With a gentle shove he said, "Give me a few minutes to get my boots on and I'll join you."

Blair went without a protest. He was trying to figure out the reason for the hug. Jim had always seemed comfortable with casually touching him. It took Blair some time to adjust to it. He didn't mind at all, as a matter of fact, he treasured the gestures. He just had to become used to it. Jim was his first close friend and the whole thing was kind of new to him. The hug was past the boundaries of what he expected. Not that Blair had any complaints but he felt compelled to analyze it. It must have been a result of yesterday. We must have passed some invisible boundary that makes this feel right. Blair was determined to go with whatever Jim wanted. Jim needed to be reassured of Blair's acceptance. Maybe it would help convince Jim of Blair's point of view on the shooting.

The two men both enjoyed the hike. The trail was wide enough for them to walk abreast. Jim suddenly blocked Blair's advance with his arm. "Quiet Chief," he whispered. "Look over at the base of that hill. See the doe and two fawns?"

Blair strained to locate the animals. Jim stepped behind him and gently grasped his head with both hands. He eased Blair's head into the correct angle and suddenly the animals came in focus. Blair was entranced by their beauty and the obvious enjoyment of the frolicking fawns. As they disappeared from sight, he turned to face Jim. His eyes were shining.

"Thanks, I never would've spotted them. That was so cool." He smiled his gratitude then turned to continue their hike.

Jim walked on beside him lost in thought. He had been stunned by the emotions that lit his guide's face. He had been so open and willing to share his joy of the moment. It made Jim realize how much he appreciated this trait in his guide. Jim often grumbled about Blair's ebullience. The truth was it made him feel more alive. He enjoyed life more when Blair was by his side.

The waterfall proved well worth the hike. The late afternoon sun shot a myriad of rainbows across the face of the falling stream. Every inch of ground was covered with lush green foliage. It was a beautiful setting. The two men rested, drinking in the surrounding beauty. Blair finally broke their silence. "I always forget how really awesome nature can be when I've been away for awhile. It's like making peace with myself when I see it again."

Jim nodded in agreement. "Even though most of my time in Peru was hell, there were times when the jungle's magnificence was overwhelming. I much prefer this. I'm glad you came along, Chief. Makes it even better."

Jim kept surprising Blair. His comment seemed so out of character for the detective. He replied simply with, "Me too."

After reaching the cabin, they took turns in the shower. They shared in the preparation of a simple meal. Jim had lit a fire in the corner fireplace. They settled on the couch in front of the fire. They spoke rarely, enjoying the setting and the company. After an extended silence, Blair glanced over to find Jim had fallen asleep.

"Jim, come on Jim, time for bed. You go ahead while I tend the fire and get the lights." Blair smiled to himself as he watched his friend shamble off to the bedroom. By the time Blair reached the king size bed, Jim was well settled and sound asleep. He had been a bit surprised that there was only the one bed but since it didn't seem to be a problem for Jim, he kept quiet. He quickly stripped down to his tee shirt and boxers. The bedroom was noticeably cooler than the main room. He was shivering by the time he got under the covers.

It was several hours later when Blair woke to the sounds of moans. Jim was fighting the covers, groaning as if in pain. Blair knew the nightmare of last night had returned. Without thinking, he grabbed Jim's shoulder to gently shake him awake. Before he could say a word, Blair found himself pinned to the bed. Jim's forearm was across his throat, making breathing difficult.

"Jim! Jim! It's me, Blair," the smaller man managed to gasp. He drew in deep breaths as the Jim removed his arm. He reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. As he focused on Jim's face, he saw a look of horror. "I'm OK, don't worry. I just need to catch my breath."

"God, I'm so sorry Blair! I'm sorry! You startled me, and I just reacted!" Jim reached over to brush Blair's shoulder and neck. "Shit, you're already starting to bruise. God, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Blair was more concerned about his friend's state of mind the any bruises. "It's OK, really. It's my fault anyways for grabbing you like that. Do you always react like that or only when having a nightmare?"

Jim rolled onto his side to face Blair. "It usually happens when someone startles me from a bad dream. It hasn't happened in a while. It started after Peru." Blair was fascinated, not only with the subject but also the fact that his friend was willing to talk.

"Must make for some interesting times with the women in your life." Blair couldn't believe he said that.

"I never sleep with them afterwards. It's not worth explaining."

Blair felt bold since Jim had answered "that" question. "How did you and Carolyn manage?" Blair was positive he was going to be told it was none of his business.

"I discovered as long as we were touching, I seemed to know subconsciously that she was someone I could trust. When things started getting bad between us, we didn't touch anymore. After one time, I started sleeping in your room. I didn't want to risk hurting her."

Blair continued, "What were you dreaming?" Blair looked at Jim when there was no reply. His eyes were closed and he was trembling slightly. The younger man stroked his shoulder, pushing him back on the bed. "It was the shooting, wasn't it?"

Jim nodded in agreement. "I was back in the alley but there were other people there, yelling at me not to shoot. By the time I understood what they were saying, it was too late. I had already pulled the trigger. They were all blaming me--everyone but you. You kept saying it was an accident. You probably picked the worst time possible to grab me."

Neither man spoke for several moments. Blair got up and grabbed one of the extra blankets. Jim asked quickly, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to sleep on the couch. You won't have to worry about hurting me."

Jim sat up, clutching Blair's arm. "You don't have to do that. I'd rather have you here. Besides the couch won't be very comfortable."

"Are you sure? I don't want you losing sleep because of me." Blair was surprised to see his friend was blushing. "What's wrong?"

Jim began hesitantly, "Would you be willing to let me touch you while we sleep? I already know I trust you."

Blair was speechless. He never would have expected a request like this from the stoic man. He quickly fumbled for words as Jim began to pull away in embarrassment. "That would be great. I'd love to. No problem." Blair shook his head when heard these words. "Ah, that's not exactly what I meant."

He crawled back in bed mumbling, "I'm going to shut up before I get both feet in my mouth." He turned out the light hoping his red face wasn't visible to Jim in the darkness.

Jim chuckled at his flustered guide, feeling some the tension go out of his body. He settled in by his friend, reaching over for his hand. "Will this be OK, Chief?" Blair squeezed the large hand firmly in agreement.

Blair woke gradually to the sounds of birds welcoming the first light of day. He was trying to figure out why he felt trapped. As he became more alert, his eyes widened in amazement. Jim was asleep with his head resting on Blair's shoulder. His arm was flung across his waist and one leg was wedged between Blair's. His eyes got even wider when he realized his arm was wrapped around Jim's back. He glanced at his sleeping friend. He looked totally relaxed but what would his reaction be when he woke? Blair was concentrating so intently on Jim's reaction that he gave no thought to his own. He didn't even realize that Jim had started to stir.

Jim had no trouble identifying where he was. He had opened his senses before falling asleep to imprint Blair's entire aura on his senses. He wanted to insure that there was no chance of his hurting Blair again. He inhaled deeply, letting the scent of his friend fill his lungs. He concentrated on the smaller hand in his grip. The delicate bone structure was embedded in his memory. He absorbed all the different skin textures on the palms, fingers and back of the hand. He would forever recognize any touch of this hand. He next directed his hearing to the sound of Blair's heartbeat and breathing. Both were already very familiar. It took little effort to brand them permanently on his soul. Jim slipped easily into sleep knowing he would always recognize this friend he trusted so much.

When he woke to find himself wrapped around Blair, he cherished the feeling of such close contact. It had been so long since he had enjoyed the physical comfort of being close to someone he cared for. Jim turned to look at Blair's face. He was enchanted to see the various expressions crossing his guide's face as he tried to comprehend the situation. Blair's fear of Jim's reaction settled on his countenance.

"Morning, Chief. Bet you didn't expect "this" when I grabbed your hand last night. Sorry if I spooked you. I'm going to start breakfast." Jim was untangling himself as he spoke.

Blair was still dazed. Jim didn't sound upset. He acted as though it was no big deal. Blair's thoughts wandered as Jim left the room. Now that he wasn't worried about Jim's reaction, he was remembering the warmth of that body against him. It had felt good and answered his need to comfort his friend. Blair suddenly remembered what Jim had said about breakfast. Food sounded like a great idea.

The two men made quick work of the meal. They had chosen the trail to the lake for the day's hike. They were on the trail within an hour. The early morning light was translucent, showing the beauty around them with a special clarity. Both men appeared to be lost in thought as they walked. Blair was reexamining his beliefs about their friendship. He wondered where this was leading. Would sex become a part of it? He hadn't considered this aspect before. Blair wasn't sure how he felt about that. Did Jim want it or did he just need the comfort of a friend. They had to talk, but first Blair wanted to see if Jim could resolve his guilt over the shooting. Maybe this was just his way to avoid the issue.

Jim had been seriously considering Blair's words and actions of two days ago. He deeply appreciated Blair's efforts to bring facts and physical evidence into the equation. His guidance during the reliving of the shooting had unquestionably helped him fill in the gaps. He no longer felt overwhelmed by horror. He still wasn't convinced that there wasn't some way he could have avoided the shooting. Blair had made him see that he had used his Sentinel senses. His shooting had been more than a reflexive reaction.

They rested when they reached the lake. Again the surroundings were breathtaking in the clear morning light. Jim broke the silence. "You really helped the other day, Chief. Thanks. I still need some time but what you said made lots of sense. Your being with me here has helped too."

Blair was flooded with emotions. Jim sounded as if he was coming to grips with the shooting and he was giving his guide most of the credit. He was amazed that Jim had even brought up the subject much less the contents of his words. His heart lightened to know that Jim dealing with the situation. He gave Jim a hesitant smile. "Glad to help. It hurt to see you like that."

After a few moments of silence, Jim suggested that they start back. Blair found his thoughts even more tangled. When they approached an overlook to the lake that lay several miles below he abruptly stopped. As Jim looked at him in askance, Blair answered, "Just thought I'd sit here awhile. Soak up the view."

Jim sensing his desire to be alone, just nodded in agreement. "I'll head on back. See you when you get back."

As Jim approached to the cabin, he became more and more uneasy. He tried to pinpoint the cause as he sat on the steps of the cabin. He extended his senses to locate the danger. Finding nothing amiss, he tried again. He determined that the farther apart he was from Blair the worse he felt. He reached out again. He strained his hearing to catch the sound of that one heartbeat he would recognize. Nothing. Next he concentrated on locating the unique blend of scents that was his guide. There, just a tantalizing trace of his friend. He focused entirely on not losing it.

Blair spent only a short while at the overlook. He needed to talk to Jim. He couldn't reach any conclusions until he knew what Jim wanted. As he approached the cabin, he called out to his friend. Hearing no response he quickened his steps. He was appalled to see Jim huddled on the step, trembling. Blair rushed to his side. As he touched the Sentinel, he recognized the signs of a zone out. The guide hadn't had a chance to speak a word before Jim began to regain his sense of awareness. This had never happened before. Blair always had to use his voice and words to guide his friend back.

Jim's consciousness returned at his guide's touch. It was the one touch he would always recognize. His friend had returned. His senses were flooded with the presence of Blair. He reached out to gather Blair in his arms. He suddenly stopped the motion and groaned.

Blair was very puzzled by Jim's behavior. He had recovered for the zone out but seemed to be in pain. Blair grasped his hands. "Jim, what happened? Are you OK?"

Jim turned to him, the strain showing on his face. "God, I think I really screwed up. Chief, I really need your help to fix this."

"Fix what? Tell me what you need. You're scaring me here man." Blair stared intently into his friend's eyes, willing him to tell him more.

Jim had difficulty forming the words. He hesitantly told Blair what he did before falling asleep last night. How his fear of hurting Blair had led him to impressing the essence of his friend on all his senses. He revealed his uneasiness as the distance increased between them and his overwhelming need to find some sense of his friend. Jim spoke quietly, "What if I made myself totally dependent on your presence. I had no right to take the risk, to do this to you. I should have never put you in this position. I only thought this would be the best way to keep from hurting you, like last night. All I did was make it much worse."

Blair recognized that the older man was nearly panicking. It was very similar to the first times Blair had seen him rebel at the lack of control over his senses. He spoke calmly, "Jim, I'll help you. We can deal with this. I won't leave you. Let's take one thing at a time. First, let's go inside." Blair helped his friend up, leading him to the couch. He sat close to Jim, knowing he needed to be in contact with his guide. "Tell me how you feel now that I am here."

Jim paused, taking a deep breath, "It feels right. I don't have that uneasy feeling any more. That doesn't solve anything. What if..."

"Whoa. We don't need to start with 'What ifs' yet. You're doing better now. I know you can control this. We'll do some experiments after lunch to see how far away I can get before you have problems." Blair gave him a quick hug, trying to erase the lost look in Jim's eyes.

Both men thought the distance tests went pretty well. Now that Jim understood the source of his problem, he had more control over his reaction. He could restrain his senses enough not to zone while searching for Blair. At this time anything over a half mile was a problem. Jim was a bit discouraged. Blair shrugged with a grin, "At least we aren't joined at the hip. Don't worry, we haven't even begun to work on solving it. We just defined the parameters."

Jim was awed at his guide's acceptance of the circumstances. He knew Blair wouldn't leave him as long as he needed his help. The younger man acted as if Jim hadn't trapped him. He must be certain it was a temporary problem.

They spent another relaxing evening in front of the fireplace. Every time Jim brought up the subject, Blair turned the conversation elsewhere. The guide didn't want Jim to fret himself into a state. Bedtime crept up on Blair before he had time to decide how he wanted to handle it. He had planned to offer to sleep on the couch. Now Jim would be on edge if he was in another room. He didn't mind sleeping with his friend, even snuggling if that happened again. Blair had just hoped to have all a little clearer in his mind by this point.

Blair climbed in beside Jim. Jim clasped his hand tightly. "Thanks for doing this. I know you were a little freaked this morning."

"That was mostly because I thought you might kill me when you woke."

"Considering that I was the one doing the cuddling, that would hardly been fair."

"Jim, I'm sorry if this offends you but I have to know. Is this leading to us going to bed together?" Jim laughed.

Blair joined him, "I guess that was pretty stupid considering where we are. You know what I mean. I tried to resolve this by the lake but I need to know where you stand."

Jim was quiet for several moments before replying, "I hadn't really thought of it as leading to us being lovers. I know being free to touch you has filled a void in my life. I don't think it's because there hasn't been any one I care for in a long time. I would hate to think I was using you. It felt so right waking up next to you this morning. I know I trust you and depend on you more than any one else I've ever known. I've been doing a lot of thinking these last few days. You're always in my thoughts. I'm just beginning to realize how much you mean to me and, how much a part of my life you have become. I love you and if I'm not in love with you, I'm definitely on the verge." There was a tone of wonder in his voice. "I think that would be fantastic."

"Oh," was all Blair could manage. This was much more than he ever expected. He had no idea Jim felt this way. He had been talking about sex and Jim had stepped into another dimension. The thought of having Jim's love made him feel cherished. It scared him to death. He had no idea how to handle it.

"Is that all you can say?" Jim cradled Blair's face in his hand. "You did ask. Talk to me, Chief."

Blair felt lost in the gaze of friend. The love and concern Jim felt blazed in his eyes. He couldn't face the intensity and turned his face. Jim's hand stayed as a warm reminder of his concern. Blair spoke slowly, "I didn't expect love. I thought I was willing to take our relationship to a physical level. I've never had a friend as close as you and it didn't seem like a stretch to end up in bed together. These last few days have proved that. I don't think I know what love is. Attraction, infatuation, lust and even friendship are the reasons I usually end up in bed with someone."

Jim gathered Blair into his arms murmuring, "We could start because of friendship and caring. I think the love is already there and just needs right setting to flourish. We just need to give it a chance." Jim was massaging Blair's back as he spoke. "We can take it slow. Anytime you want to pull back, it's your call. What do you think?"

Blair was torn. He was afraid to say yes but knew he would always regret saying no. He recalled his thought to agree with what ever Jim wanted. This was certainly a different context but it still felt like the right decision. He slid his arms around Jim's neck, nodding his head. "This has got work."

Jim used his finger tips to tilt his Guide's face up to his. He brushed his lips gently across Blair's. Jim pulled back slightly to judge his reaction. Blair responded by returning the kiss, easing the entire length of his body against the larger man. He sighed contentedly. There was no reason to be afraid. This was Jim, his Blessed Protector.

Jim tightened his hold on this special person. He began to nuzzle Blair's neck, working his way back to the mouth. He nibbled Blair's lower lip, teasing for entrance with his tongue. Blair willing admitted the intruder. It explored all areas of the warm cavern, twining with his own tongue. It was not possession, more like seeking to know this part of him. Jim gently broke off the kiss. He rolled onto his back, pulling Blair on top of him.

Jim wanted Blair to control this first time. His guide was the one with doubts. He didn't want to overwhelm him or to feel pressured into anything Blair wasn't ready for. He especially didn't want his size and strength to intimidate the smaller man. Blair looked down at his friend. His body was responding not only to the kisses but to the feel of that hard sculpted body beneath him. He had admired Jim's body in passing but never with lust. He suddenly remembered Jim naked after his shower on the oil rig. His recalled that the embarrassment was a result of the tingle of desire he had felt. Blair longed to stroke that smooth chest. As he slid off to one side, Jim protested. Blair replied, "I just want to get that tee shirt off you."

"Good idea. Do you mind if I get rid of everything?" Blair's eyes widened in anticipation as he nodded his agreement. Jim continued speaking as he stripped off his shirt and boxes. "How about you?"

Blair quickly complied and recaptured his position on top of Jim. Jim wrapped his arms around Blair as he began to nuzzle and lick Jim's neck. Blair continued to trail kisses up the neck, detouring to the ears. He couldn't believe the contented little sigh's coming from his friend. He covered Jim's face with butterfly kisses. Blair noted that Jim's hands were gliding up and down the length of his back. Their touch and warmth sent shivers through him. Blair finally targeted Jim's mouth. It was his turn to explore and learn every nook. Jim welcomed the invasion. His hands moved lower, softly cupping and squeezing Blair's ass. Blair finally had to break off the kiss so both of them could breathe. He became aware that his cock had hardened. He could feel Jim's matching firmness against his stomach.

He slid off Jim's chest, leaving their legs entwined. He admired the smooth planes of his friend's chest. Blair drew small circles on it with his palm. It was even firmer than it looked. The skin was a soft layer of satin over the muscles. His palm brushed one tan nipple. Jim gasped as it hardened into a small pebble. Blair was entranced. He hastened to repeat the action on the other nub. Jim arched up to meet the touch. Blair leaned over to lave the sensitive flesh. He teased it with his tongue, then gently gripped it in his teeth.

Jim was moaning with the onslaught. His hips were thrusting upward, seeking the touch he needed. He moaned as Blair removed his leg. Jim desperately sought to regain contact. Blair trailed his hand down to the wiry pubic curls. He wrapped the curls around his finger as he continued to nibble and suck the hard nipple. His hand slipped lower, gently squeezing the heavy balls. Jim moaned at the exquisite torture. His cock was at full attention, leaking moisture.

Blair found himself equally aroused. It was so exhilarating that it was his touch driving his friend insane. He eased his hand up the thick shaft. He stroked the organ then used his thumb to rub the fluid around the head. Jim's hips were arching upward with every stroke. Before he could think about what he going to do, Blair bent down over Jim's hips. He teased the tip with his tongue then opened his mouth to take in the sensitive head.

Jim threaded his hand through Blair's long curls, kneading his scalp. He restrained himself from forcing his cock deeper into that wonderful mouth. Blair was driving him mad. "Blair, please! More! Don't stop!" Jim barely managed to gasp out these words. Blair sucked the head, swirling his tongue around it while his hand pumped harder on the shaft. He felt the cock pulse as it began to release its seed. Jim arched his hips completely off the bed as he came explosively. Blair managed to swallow most of the thick stream, continuing to milk the softening organ. After several moments, he crawled up along side the boneless man. Blair wrapped Jim in his arms, loving the laxness he had caused. He gently kissed the older man, caressing his face with his hand.

"Jim, are you OK?"

"That was incredible. I have no words to describe it." Jim spoke a little breathlessly. "I never expected you to do that."

Blair gave slight shrug and shy smile. "I wanted to satisfy you, to make it special. It made me feel good to give you so much pleasure." He tightened his embrace.

Jim could feel Blair's arousal pressing against him "I want to do the same for you. I'd like to feel you inside of me, but I'll do whatever you want." Blair was astonished once again. He could have never foreseen this.

"Me too, but not yet. Let's wait until we are back in Cascade. It'll make it less like a dream if we're at home." Jim's heart leaped at the assumption Blair had just made. They would continue this sharing when they returned. Jim understood how Blair felt and agreed. He untangled himself from Blair's arms and pushed the smaller man back on the bed. He ran his fingers through the long silken hair as he worshipped his face with kisses. He moved lower to lick the tender skin of Blair's neck. His hand playfully tugged at the soft hair that adorned the heaving chest. The nipples were next on the agenda. Each was teased to hard peaks by Jim's hot, wet tongue. Jim moved his hand down quickly to the weeping cock. He knew Blair must be aching for release. He traced the shaft with gentle fingers, spreading the moisture over the shaft. He positioned himself to face his lover's erection. Jim cupped Blair's balls in his hand, moving them gently in the soft sac. He drew in a deep breath and sucked Blair's cock deep into his throat. His tongue twisted around the shaft as the muscles of his throat massaged the tip. Blair cried out at the sensations. He had never felt anything like it. He glanced down, taking in the sight of his cock buried deep in his friend's mouth. The sight and feeling were too much. His semen shot against the back of Jim's throat as he wailed with pleasure. Jim swallowed it all, nursing it for every last drop.

Jim forced himself to turn off the light before taking Blair into his arms. Blair had just enough strength to snuggle into his arms as Jim pulled the blankets over them.

Blair found himself in much the same position as yesterday morning when he woke. Jim was draped across his body. Blair gently rubbed the arm lying across his stomach. He brought his other hand around Jim's neck, lightly tracing the inner furls of his ear. Jim stirred slightly then turned his head to capture the fingers tickling his ear. He sucked Blair's index finger into his mouth. As he released the digit, he pressed a light kiss on the palm. Blair felt his body react to this tender ministration. He tugged at Jim urging him further on top of his body. The larger man willing complied. He nudged his legs between Blair's and rested much of his weight on his arms that straddled Blair's chest.

"Good morning, Chief." He smiled widely as he looked down at his friend. Blair matched his smile with a big grin.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up. I had to resort to tickling 'cause my arm was all pins and needles. I like this. Much better than being pinned in a choke hold."

Jim silenced the teasing mouth by capturing it in a deep kiss. Both men moaned slightly as the kiss and feel of skin against skin fed their arousal. Jim began a slow rocking of his hips. Blair wrapped his arms around the strong, muscular back, pulling his lover closer. Jim reached a hand between their bodies, adjusting both cocks with his warm hand. As his hand withdrew, the rhythm of their bodies rubbed the hardened shafts together. Blair's hands slipped lower to grip the firm ass cheeks. The rocking gradually built up speed as their need for completion rose. Jim felt his partner's body freeze, as his pleasure over came him. The feel of his cock sliding through Blair's essence tipped Jim over the edge. His cock pumped his seed between them. Jim let his weight settle on the younger man for a brief respite. As he eased to the side, he rested his hand on silky chest hair of the younger man.

Blair shook his head, "Man, can we make this a habit? What a way to start the day!"

"Sounds fine to me. Glad to see you're so receptive. I was afraid you might have second thoughts." Jim let his concern show as he spoke. "I can't believe how right this feels to me."

Blair spoke with wonder in his voice. "I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to remember why I was so hesitant last night. Did you really mean it -- about falling in love with me?"

"I did and still do. Hope it's OK with you because I think it's too late. I fell in love with you when you trusted me enough to make love." Jim caressed his face while waiting for his response.

"How can you know that? I believe you, but I don't understand how you sorted out your feelings so quickly. I can barely put words to my thoughts. Knowing you love me makes me warm inside. I feel like I have place in your life now, that I belong at your side."

Jim replied quickly, "You do and you always will. Don't push yourself. Take all the time you need to figure it out."

The two men rose to face the day. They spent it hiking two more of the trails, enjoying each other's company as much as the beauty of their surroundings. Jim made it a point to voice his thoughts. He had spent considerable time the last few days thinking of the many ways Blair had invaded his life, making it better. He shared many of these with his friend. Blair needed to know that he was appreciated. Jim didn't want him imagining that his declaration of love was based on just the heat of passion.

For his part, Blair listened closely to his friend. He had never realized until now just how deeply their lives had become entwined. Blair never stopped to consider what would happen when he finished his doctorate. He hadn't wanted to think that far ahead. Now he couldn't imagine walking out of Jim's life. He had left many friends as the course of his life changed. Jim was so very different. He would always have a place in Blair's heart.

In the afternoon Blair insisted they try some more tests. He was very curious to see if their new relationship made Jim more dependent on his proximity or less. Blair decided he should drive about a mile down the road, wait ten minutes and return. He didn't want to be separated from Jim for very long in case he had problems. Walking would take too long. It was too risky. The big hurdle would be persuading Jim to let him drive his truck. Blair hesitantly outlined his plan to his friend.

Jim dug the keys out his pocket, handing them to his guide. "I think that'll work. I was concerned about you being gone for any length of time." As Blair looked at him in amazement, Jim asked, "What?"

"I thought I'd have to beg you for the truck, you never let me drive it. I had all these logical reasons ready to use to convince you."

Jim shrugged as if it was no big deal. "Why don't you get going. I'm anxious to see what happens."

Blair complied. When he returned, he could see the big grin on Jim's face. Obviously there hadn't been a problem. Blair wanted to know why.

"I could sense you getting farther and farther away but it was like there was a piece of you deep in the center of my being. I didn't panic or lose myself searching for you. For some reason, I was completely convinced that you'll always want to return to me."

Blair was bowled over by these words. Jim had more trust and faith in him than he could credit himself for. He didn't know if he could live up to that degree of trust, but he was willing to try. He would never forgive himself if he failed. Strangely enough he didn't feel trapped, only grateful. He embraced the larger man, pulling him close. "Thanks," was all he could manage.

They tried the test again at five then ten miles. The results were the same. Blair felt they should attempt it with a longer period of separation but neither man wanted to be away from the other. It was late enough by the time they finished to pack and head back to Cascade. Blair had to be at the university in the morning. Jim wanted to call Simon. He needed to find out about the hearing. Still, he was glad he didn't have to face work tomorrow.

The next two days passed quietly. Blair spent several hours on campus each day. Jim tolerated the separations. He much preferred to have his guide by his side. That was due to their new relationship rather than problems with his senses. Jim had spoken to the Captain. The hearing was set for tomorrow. Simon assured the detective that is only a formality. He pressed Jim to return to work. The Sentinel elected to continue his self imposed leave. The shooting still haunted him. Blair's unwavering belief that Jim had reacted in the only way possible had done much to ease his guilt. Jim would always remember his horror at shooting the teenager. Hopefully over time, the sharpness of the emotion would fade. He was committed to using Blair's skill as his guide. He wanted his senses at maximum capability to make sure last week's situation was never repeated.

The other reason for staying on leave was to get used to the idea of being lovers. They had continued their physical sharing after their time at the cabin. Each time was pure joy. Jim was sure now that he was in love with the grad student who had invaded his life. He wanted Blair beside him for the rest of his life. He was positive that Blair's love matched his. The younger man had whispered many words of love. He had not yet spoken of committing himself to his lover. Jim was willing to wait. All of Blair's actions and touches spoke of his love. Eventually the words would come.

Blair sat at Jim's desk. He was waiting for the detective and Captain to return from the hearing. It was so hard to believe the shooting had been less than a week ago. So many things had happened. His life had changed in ways he never could have imagined. Jim had been so right, the love was there. His admiration, respect and caring for the older man had deepened into love when he wasn't looking. The physical sharing of their love was an added blessing. Blair had never before felt so loved and cherished. Blair started when Jim spoke to him.

"Hey Chief, are you ready to go?"

Blair stared intently into his face. He relaxed at what he saw. Jim's entire demeanor reflected that things had gone well. Blair nodded, rising to follow the detective. He wouldn't ask about the hearing until they arrived home.

As Blair entered the loft one step behind Jim, he circled his arms around the powerful chest. He pulled his friend tightly against him. "Tell me about it, man! It went all right, right? I mean, you seem like it went all right. It did, right."

Jim turned in his arms, returning the embrace. He led Blair to the couch. They settled with Blair nestled in Jim's arms. "Simon was right, it was just a formality. Carl Middler was there. He made the same points as you did about the difficulty of telling the reproduction from a functional gun. It was determined that I shot in self defense, since I had no way of knowing that wasn't real. We report to work tomorrow."

Blair pulled his face down for a lingering kiss. "You sound as if you are actually beginning to believe it." Jim returned the kiss with two of his own, taking gentle possession of Blair's mouth.

"My head believes it most of the time. With your help, my heart will be soon convinced." Several more kisses were shared before Jim spoke again. "Let's take this upstairs. I want to make love with you."

Blair was more than willing. The two men slowly undressed each other. Each piece of clothing was removed amid kisses and caresses. Jim settled on the bed, drawing Blair down with him. Jim claimed Blair's mouth with a tender kiss, his hand threading through the strands of his hair. Jim whispered into Blair's ear. "Will you take me now? I want you inside me to mark me as yours."

In spite of Blair's words at the cabin, he had been reluctant to take this step. His heart knew this would be a deep affirmation of their love. Until now he had been hesitant to make that level of commitment. Blair attempted to envision his life without Jim in it. He just couldn't. Every extrapolation ended with Jim sharing whatever future Blair evoked. In the face of this, his reluctance seemed be wholly misplaced. Blair's mind finally reached the same conclusion as his heart. He loved Jim and always would.

Blair's entire face glowed with his feelings as he spoke. "You "are" mine just as I will "always" be yours. I love you."

These words caused Jim's eyes to fill with tears. He had been sure Blair would eventually say them, but was unprepared for the joy that overwhelmed him. He welcomed the kiss that Blair tenderly bestowed on his lips. Suddenly Blair's hands were everywhere. He caressed Jim's face, trailing up to his ears and down his neck. His mouth never left Jim's. His tongue thrust eagerly into the warm cavern, savoring every touch and taste of Jim. Blair's hands continued downward. The smooth planes of his chest were stroked lovingly. Jim moaned softly as the talented fingers tweaked his already hardened nipples. Blair relished the pleasure he was bringing his friend. It was exhilarating to know that his touch could do this. He drew his hand down even further.

The muscles of Jim's stomach rippled at the tantalizing touch. Every fiber of his being ached for that hand to grasp his straining erection. His hips were arching upward towards the relief he needed. Blair broke off the kiss to appreciate the sight of his highly aroused lover. Jim was magnificent. Blair's gazed focused on the very erect cock. He couldn't ignore its need. Blair lowered his head, taking just the sensitive crown into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the tip. Jim was rapidly losing himself in the exquisite sensation. He managed to gasp a few words. "Stop. Want your cock in me."

Blair pulled back at the words. He nodded his agreement. "We need some..."

"Night stand."

Blair grabbed the tube of lubricant. He realized that Jim had prepared for this moment, hoping that Blair would be ready someday. Blair squeezed some on his fingers. He eased Jim's thighs apart to kneel between them. Blair gently teased the swollen balls, gradually stroking lower. His finger played at the puckered opening, sliding in with ease. Jim welcomed the invader by lifting his knees to make it easier. Blair slipped in two more fingers. He stretched the tight muscle as he thrust his fingers deeper. One stroked the small gland. Jim gasped at the pleasure, trying desperately to recapture the touch. Blair raked the special spot one more time, loving the effect on his lover. He withdrew his fingers urging Jim over to his stomach. He applied some lubricant carefully to himself. He fondled each ass cheek, smiling as the muscles clenched at his touch. Blair gently parted the cheeks to expose his goal. "Are you ready, Jim?"

His question was answered with a long drawn out yes from his partner. Blair guided his cock to the glistening anus. He slowly pressed inward, gasping sharply has the muscle clenched tightly around the head of his cock. Jim felt the pain of the entry. It was easy to ignore as he reveled in knowledge that he and Blair were joined. The feeling of fullness as Blair smoothly slid the entire length of his cock into his body was grand. He felt possessed, owned and loved the feeling. He lifted his hips to meet the thrusting of his lover.

Blair had buried himself in the hot tunnel. His thrusts were being met by his lover. Jim seemed to be determined to take Blair's cock as deeply into himself as possible. Blair trembled at the sensations created by Jim's internal muscles. His shaft was being rhythmically squeezed by the shuddering of his partner. He reached around to share the pleasure. His hand gripped his friend's hard penis. Jim thrust forward into the hand. All his muscles were straining to completion. Blair pumped the shaft with short powerful strokes, murmuring encouragement. He thrust deeply into Jim's body again. That did it. Jim went over the edge. Blair's hand and the bed were bathed with hot streams of fluid. He was shocked at the pulsing of the sheath he was buried in. Jim's orgasm sent spasm after spasm through his body. Blair's penis was reaping the benefit. Every spasm was exquisite torture. Blair grabbed Jim's hips to finish his claim. He thrust deeply into that glorious body, shouting his triumph as he exploded. He shot his seed into Jim's depths, forever marking the man as his.

Blair collapsed on the lax body below him. He slowly regained his breath and awareness of his surroundings. Jim protested as Blair gently withdrew his softening cock. The older man turned on his side, more than willing to be sheltered in Blair's arms.

"Thank you. Just what I wanted and needed. Thanks, Chief." Jim spoke the words with a tinge of awe in his voice.

Blair clasped the man closer. His voice was shaking as he replied, "I love you, now and forever." BR>

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