Archive of Our Own

Here I am writing slash again and neglecting my genfic oh well ;-) Another Erasure song/story, sorry about this guys but the album is new and I just have to get it out of my system... I really think one day I'll just give in and do that Sentinel musical ;-)

disclaimer:Jim and Blair belong to Pet Fly...I'm just borrowing them for a bit 'cause I wanted them to listen to the song "Rain" which belongs to Erasure :-)

Rain

by Summer Rain

"See ya later Jim" Blair said his hand lingering on Jim's shoulder longer than was strictly necessary.

Jim said goodbye absently and looked up to see a uniformed police officer passing by looking at him strangely. He sighed to himself. Here we go again. More fodder for the rumor mill.

Everyday he felt he had to justify Blair's presence. There were a few who were convinced that he and Blair were more than just partners, especially when they found out that he and Blair were roommates. He heard the comments several times that Blair had a thing for Jim, these seemed to be in the majority. He had overheard one conversation where the person wondered how long it would take Jim to figure out Sandburg was in love with him, and then how long it would take for Jim to kick Blair out of the loft.

He shook his head a little sadly thinking to himself how wrong they all were. Blair wasn't in love with him. Sure the kid touched him a lot, but no more so than Jim touched Blair. He almost wished that Blair were in love with him. He would like nothing more than to tell Blair how much he loved him, and had loved him ever since that first day where Blair had saved his life.

Of course he hadn't realized at the time that it was love, that realization took time. Things had finally become all too clear when Blair was trapped in the elevator with that bomb. Only the realization that Blair wouldn't want him to, stopped him from exacting revenge when he heard the bomb go off.

He had needed to fight the overwhelming urge to hug Blair to him when he saw him step safe and sound off of the elevator. Only the realization that they were in public stopped him. He had started joking around with Blair to hide his discomfort when all he really wanted to say was 'I love you'.

But he couldn't very well say those three words could he? He would be content with Blair's friendship if that was all he could have. In any case that was all he could ask for. He knew from years of being a police officer that they might not exactly be tolerant if he did try to pursue Blair. He and Blair had enough problems without adding the censure of his fellow officers to the mix.

Blair rode down in the elevator dejected. Jim had barely acknowledged him as he said goodbye. He just could not figure the big guy out. Jim had been growing more and more introspective lately and would not share his thoughts with Blair.

Blair thought he understood the issues. He had caught Jim looking at him with such longing sometimes it made him shiver. He knew what Jim must be feeling because it was the same longing he felt for Jim. Of course he would never admit it to Jim. He had given some hints other than that anything that happened would be entirely up to Jim. He could sympathize with Jim. He knew that Jim declaring love for his partner would not go over well in the department. If all Jim could offer was friendship then that is what he would have to accept.

Blair walked out looking at the floor dejectedly he didn't notice the man with the gun until he heard people screaming and running. He looked up to see a man a few feet in front of him with handcuffs still dangling off of one wrist, gun drawn pointing directly at him.

Blair watched as things began moving in slow motion. He saw the man fire before being tackled by three officers. He moved to the side but he felt so slow. He felt the searing pain in his side before he fell to the ground.

Jim's head jerked up as he heard the gunshot. Officers began to scatter checking their holsters as they prepared to assist. He was already getting downstairs when he heard Blair's voice faintly.

"Oh Jim.."

Jim's heart clenched at the confusion in Blair's voice. He rushed out afraid of what he would find.

He looked to see someone being subdued on the ground. Other people were talking into their cell phones he heard someone say that the ambulance was on it's way. He looked down and saw Blair with an officer kneeling next to him.

Blair was lying on the ground, blood pooling underneath him. Jim's heart almost jumped out of his chest at the sight as he ran forward to kneel besides Blair.

Jim skidded to a stop next to Blair and knelt next to him. Blair was shaking like a leaf from the pain and the shock. His hand moved restlessly as he tried not to clutch at his side as his instincts told him to do. Jim grabbed his hand to hold it between his.

"Chief? Chief can you hear me?" Jim asked. Blair could only mumble incoherently as he gritted his teeth against the pain. Jim looked up at the other officer who had a concerned look on her face. He turned his attention back to Blair, lifting his shirt up so that he could get a better look at the wound. He focused his sight and was relieved to see that as far as he could tell the bullet had not hit any organs.

That did not mean that Blair was not in pain or that he was still not in danger. He was losing blood despite the towel that someone had pressed to the wound to try to stop it. The precinct paramedic ran to Blair's side and Jim stepped back to let her work.

Blair was confused. Where was Jim? Hadn't he been here a moment ago? He had to find Jim. Blair began to look around frantically for Jim, still a little disoriented at what was going on.

Jim looked questioningly at the paramedic as he knelt back down beside Blair, she nodded to him so he reached forward to grasp Blair's hands again.

"Chief, relax. Everything is going to be okay" he said trying to use the same soothing tone that Blair had so often used on him.

Blair relaxed when he heard Jim's voice. Jim had said everything would be okay. And he knew he could trust Jim. He just had to tell him one more thing before he let go completely.

"I love you Jim.." Blair said as they loaded him onto the stretcher and into the waiting ambulance. "..I just wanted you to know that, just in case..." Blair's voice trailed off and he closed his eyes.

Jim alarmed listened to his heartbeat, a little weak but steady. He watched as they latched the doors of the ambulance and then ran to his truck so that he could be there for Blair in the hospital. In his mind as he drove Blair's words played over and over.

Jim stood and stretched. His body protesting him having been sitting in the chair the whole night. He just could not bring himself to leave Blair's side. The doctor had said that Blair would be okay, but still he wanted to be near Blair.

He walked over to the window to look out. The sun was up and he could see people walking outside. The streets of Cascade were teeming with life. Life. Blair could have lost his. Jim rubbed his face as if to wipe away the terror he had felt when he had seen Blair lying in a pool of blood. He shuddered at the images that invaded his mind once again. He turned to look at Blair, to reassure himself that Blair was okay.

Blair was looking straight at Jim. He appeared to be tired of course but seemed to be awake and aware. Jim walked forward and sat back down leaning forward to place his hand on Blair's arm.

"Hey Chief, how are you feeling?" Jim asked softly.

"I've been better" Blair said wryly to Jim. He looked at Jim closely struck again by how much he loved this man. He remembered telling Jim he loved him when he was being loaded in to the ambulance. He remembered that Jim had not answered him back.

"Jim about what I said earlier..." he stopped when Jim jumped up from the chair to walk to the window again where he stood muscles tensed and rubbing his hands over his head in an agitated manner.

Blair sighed, "I do love you Jim, but if you can't..if you don't...I understand..." Blair chocked back the sobbing that was threatening to rise and burst forth.

Jim's head whipped around at the anguish he heard in Blair's voice. It was an anguish he could empathize with. He rushed over to stand by Blair. He caressed Blair's cheek, wiping away the tears on his face.

"Shh. It's okay. I do love you Blair...I've always loved you" Jim choked out. He bent forward and pressed a soft kiss to Blair's lips. He moved back slightly to look into Blair's eyes. The love that shone there for him made a smile come forth on his face. He heard a movement by the door and looked over to see an officer by the door looking at them in shock before turning to leave hurriedly.

"Oh no Jim what are they going to say at the station you know he will te..."

"It doesn't matter Chief. We will deal with it then, in the meantime we worry about getting you back on your feet. You rest now, I will be here by your side" Jim said softly bringing his hand up to stroke Blair's hair.

Blair relaxed under his touch, and let Jim lull him into resting. He did not take his eyes off of Jim until sleep came to claim him.

Jim sighed to himself as he sat as his desk. Tomorrow would be Blair's first day back at work with him, he would just be coming in a couple of hours. In a way he was glad, the past couple of weeks working without Blair had not felt right at all. On the other hand Blair coming to work with him would mean the start to the speculations that had been rampant before Blair got shot. No one had said anything directly to him but he couldn't be sure they would not say anything to Blair.

A few officers had been by to visit Blair but the officer who had caught them kissing had not come back. Jim supposed that the man had not mentioned what he saw or else he would have heard some conversation about it, but he couldn't be sure that the man wasn't just waiting to cause some fiasco when Blair actually showed up at the precinct.

Blair was aware of this because he could see him become more and more agitated as the days went by. He tried to reassure him as best he could telling him that no one would bother him but Blair was not reassured. All he could do was love him and hope that would be enough. At that he smiled, once he had made the decision to express his love for Blair he had felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulder. It was true that he was concerned about what his fellow officers would think of he and Blair together, but when that concerned was weighed against him almost having lost Blair without letting him know how he felt. There was no contest, his love for Blair won out.

He shook his head at what he had been denying himself all of this time. Nights of coming home and snuggling up to Blair as he slept. Most times he awoke before Blair did and would spend the time just watching his face. Blair was such a beautiful person and he would feel all over again that love that was an almost an ache. So strong.

They had not done anything more than cuddle because of Blair's injury but it would do for Jim. He was willing to wait. Hadn't he waited this long after all?

Blair. He was going home to Blair he thought as he got up to leave for the day. He looked around at his fellow officers and wondered for a moment what the next day held in store for he and Blair.

Blair jumped up when he saw the time gasping as his body protested the motion. He couldn't bother with that though, he had to get himself cleaned up. Jim would be home soon and he didn't want Jim to know he had been crying. Jim would ask what was wrong and he didn't think he could stall him this time. He wanted to be strong for Jim but instead he was afraid for him. Afraid that by loving him he had caused any number of problems for Jim at the precinct he didn't want Jim being hurt because of him.

He came out of the bathroom and lay back down on the couch glad that he didn't have to cook dinner today. The emotional exhaustion had only added to his physical exhaustion and he didn't think he could have cooked anything palatable even if he wanted to.

Jim opened the door and smiled when he saw Blair laying on the couch. He moved forward after locking the door and knelt to kiss Blair's cheek. He stepped back frowning when he tasted the salt from the tears. He came around the couch and saw Blair eyes were red rimmed. Blair had tried to wipe away the evidence, it might have worked for any one else but not for a Sentinel. He reached forward to touch Blair's face.

"Blair what's wrong"

"Nothing, are we going out to eat?" Blair asked trying to distract Jim as he scrambled up from the couch and turned away from Jim.

"Blair, please talk to me...look at me Blair" Jim said grabbing Blair's arm to stop him from walking away. He pulled Blair to him but Blair would not look at him. He placed his hand on Blair's chin to tilt his head up.

Blair brought his hand up to grab Jim's hand to stop the motion. "Don't" he whispered

"Why not?" Jim asked in the same hushed tones Blair had used.

"Because if you do I won't be able.." Blair stopped speaking but Jim knew what he meant to say. If he revealed his face to him, Jim would read the emotions there and he would have to reveal everything to him. Neither of them moved for a moment until Blair moved his hand away from Jim's, he did not flinch when Jim tilted his face upwards but neither did he try to control the tears that wound their way down his face.

Jim clutched Blair to him and led him back over to the couch. Dinner was forgotten as for the first time they talked freely about their own fears of what the coming days would bring.

Blair woke the next day before Jim. He looked around, he didn't even remember when they had gone upstairs but he did remember all they had spoken of yesterday and Jim holding him in his arms afterwards. Jim was so special to him and he wanted Jim to feel just how special he was.

He smiled looking down to where Jim's erection poked into his leg wondering what Jim was dreaming of. He heard Jim whisper his name and he smiled to himself. He reached down to cover Jim's erection with his hand and Jim jerked awake gasping. He saw Blair smiling up at him before coming up to kiss him.

"Blair you don't have to" he whispered against Blair's lips.

"Oh but I wan to. Definitely" Blair whispered back before squeezing Jim slightly. Jim lost all coherent thought after that gentle squeeze all he could do was look at Blair and hope that his eyes spoke for him.

Their eyes remained locked on each other even as Jim began to buck helplessly against the hand that engulfed him. Jim only closed his eyes when he felt himself fragment and then come together as he came all over Blair's hand.

He opened his eyes again to see Blair smiling at him before placing a soft kiss on his brow.

They drove to work in the poring rain but it could have been a sunny day to the two of them they were both smiling at the memory of what they had shared this morning. Blair turned on the radio automatically as they drove. A song came on as they stood at a red light that caused him to turn to smile at Jim, Jim was already smiling back at him.

What is there to do?
Only rain
falling down from the sky
Only me and you, fair and plain
nothing lost and nothing gained

Only the love, nothing more,
nothing less, comes between us
Temperature's rising my passion is burning inside

My world in light saving all as one
a love that no one can deny
My one true light same for everyone
a love we dare you to defy

Only Rain
I won't settle for less, but no regrets
See myself in your own reflection

Something in your eyes that tells me why
I'm a fool for your warm affection

Only the love nothing more
nothing less comes between us
temperatures rising my passion is burning inside

My world in light saving all as one
a love that no one can deny
My one true light same for everyone
A love we dare you to defy

Only Rain

They had reached the station when the song ended. Jim leaned over to give Blair's hand a squeeze as they exited the truck.

"That song is us Chief. No matter what happens from now on I love you and I won't let anyone deny me that"

Blair nodded and smiled up at him squeezing his hand back before letting go. They entered the elevator. Together. Determined that nothing would ever change that.

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