Chapter Text
Rex! Rex! Rex!
Lights. Cameras.
The crowd cheered when the host announced…
Rex Racer comes to the field!
The stadium rumbled in excitement.
Rex made his way to his Mach 5, waving at the public and spreading his pearly smile from ear to ear. The other racers glared at him, annoyed by the the way Rex stole their spotlight as soon as he appeared.
That race would be a tough one, that was for sure.
Speed turns at one of the big screens to find his brother, confidently showing off to the cameras.
He seemed to be looking for someone in the crowd. Speed stood on the bleachers and shouted his name with big stars in his eyes trying to get his attention. They were so –ridiculously– far away, yet, Rex found him in the same spot he always sat on. When their eyes met, Speed felt his heart bursting with happiness as his brother smiled at him, both of them visibly excited.
That's what they did every single time; find themselves amongst all the people and, without saying a word, they would tell everything to each other.
Speed recalls the night before that race, when Rex took him to drive at Thunderhead after an eternity of begging him to do so. He had agreed reluctantly, knowing Popps would kill them both if he knew.
“Nobody will know, please!” Was Speed's smart response. Rex couldn't say no to him, specially not when Speed insisted and promised, for his dear life, he wouldn't tell their parents.
They took the rest of the day off of their duties at home to drive there. Speed sat on his brother's lap, holding the steering wheel fiercely, Rex controlling their velocity changes. Right at the upper part of the track, they stopped to catch a break.
It was their favorite place to rest. As Speed loomed over the city, now sitting on Rex's side, his mind wondered what would happen in the future.
“You'll kick their asses tomorrow, right?” he had asked. Even though he was certain his brother was the greatest racer in the world, there was still a small part of himself that had a feeling that something could go wrong. “You have to.”
“You know me. This time will be really special, kiddo.” He ruffled his hair affectionately, trying to ease his mind.
“Why?” Speed had asked.
Speed wondered if deep down beneath that smile, Rex wasn't as confident as he seemed. The way he bit his lip and stared at the vast city… he might have fooled everybody else around them; but Speed knew better. He was as nervous as him.
“I have a good feeling. You really wanna know? If I tell you, I'd ruin the surprise.” He smirked, vanishing any anxiety from his face, turning to look at Speed.
“The record?! We've planned it for weeks now! Why would it be a surprise?”
“Because Pops doesn't know. You'll get to see his face! I'll win and then, we'll make history.”
“Yeah but, really? You're really going to try?”
“I promise.”
There were so many times, after what happened, where everyone around him told him his brother was a liar.
Speed had always believed in him.
No matter what.
Speed's mind drifts back to the race.
When Pops looked at the timer on his hand back and forth, Speed knew instantly what it meant. That's why Rex said it would be special; he really, really was about to beat the course record of Thunderhead. Rex wasn't bragging, that was why everyone seemed so nervous.
But that led Speed to a conclusion. If Rex had trouble believing in himself, then he had to have faith enough for the two of them.
That was the reason why Rex used to rely on him.
They were complete, just by being together.
«He'll make it. They don't even stand a chance.» Speed repeated the phrase like a mantra.
They held their breaths at the same time.
When Rex revved the engine, the floor rumbled with its intensity. His Mach came alive, so did the adrenaline in his veins.
The canyon blasted, announcing the beginning of the race. Rex faded into the track.
Speed's blood burned like the fire igniting from the blast pipe, making the Mach 5 become a red blur that fled so fast the cameras above barely perceived him. Speed couldn't hear anything else aside from his heart blasting against his chest and his own shouting.
The crowd screamed distantly, the narrators probably wondered who would claim the victory that night.
None of them were wise, though, that Speed knew the name of the winner even before they said it.
When Speed makes a closed turn on his Mach, the memory of that time Rex performed in Thunderhead comes to his mind. As he revs the engine further, he recalls the victory of that night; the day Rex made history by beating that record and keeping his promise.
When Rex got out of his car to receive his trophy, Speed jumped from his seat and made a beeline to his brother. Speed ran to Rex and crashed against his chest, right before Rex carried him on his arms with a huge smile on his face, the cameras surrounding them.
But the crowd went blurry, their foreign celebration became white noise.
Speed held his brother closer than ever, both of them feeling their chests gasping for air, full of adrenaline. He wondered if Rex was aware of how they shared the same rhythm, a small reminder of how their bond was the closest thing they had to a religion.
They had won like a team. It meant he had believed in Rex just enough to cheer him up, so his faith became something tangible; a hug that celebrated more than this victory. An intimate closeness he would never forget.
The smile in Rex's face when he looked at Speed is engraved in his memory. Rex held him in his arms as if he was the most important person in his life, like everything he just did was for him. It did something in his chest he couldn't place in words. Speed hoped he had made it clear to his brother that he would always be by his side, no matter the circumstances.
Since then, every time Rex got out of his car after a race, Speed always felt as if they had made it together to the end. Even if he was on the stands, he hoped Rex had him in mind each time. Every race was theirs, every celebration, every shared smile, forever.
The last time Speed drove on Thunderhead, he had felt as if their hearts were still racing together, matching the ferocity of the track. The ghost of Rex racing alongside his T-180, the line of time dissolving, not knowing the difference between past and present and becoming one.
That time, Speed had broken the barrier between his dreams and reality. Rex was there, with him, hugging him, ruffling his hair proudly one last time.
It's been just a couple of days since that race. It feels so distant now.
He'd believed he would never forget how their bond used to be, but lately, their connection is so far away from him. Like ripping the battery from his Mach, looking totally normal and functional from the outside but becoming just a powerless, empty shell on the inside.
No matter how hard he tries to fill the void with trophies or to connect with Trixie to feel something akin. No one will complete him like that again, in the slightest.
So those days are gone, now.
The track echoes the whirring of his T-180, where Speed's ragged breaths hide under the sound of the motor.
As Speed turns sharply on a lap, more memories come to his mind.
The first time Speed raced in this stadium, he was nothing but a nervous mess.
His mind felt kilometers away when he stared at the multitudes cheering for the most skilled and, clearly, experienced racers.
Back then, they berated him for his brother's past. Not only did he have to make up his mind to not mess up the only opportunity he was given; he had to demonstrate his worth and honour the name of his family at the same time.
What did Rex do to make the public love him that much when he began? And why was it impossible for Speed?
With time, it never got to be as easy as he thought it would be. In the present, every time he shows up they cheer for him and call his name to celebrate his victories just as they used to do for Rex. Now they know his skills and love him for the passion he clearly writes every time he grabs the steering wheel.
But they compare him to Rex just as much as they cheer, too.
‘Speed racer: the BEST out of the two brothers wins yet another race!’
Those headlines are the ones that make him realize, that he can't bring himself to do the same.
He's not a better racer.
They just hate Rex.
That day at Thunderhead, he could have broken his brother's record but slowed down at the last second to prevent it. The narrators told people how he, anyway, won the race. He might have disappointed the public, but it just– didn't felt right. It meant he would erase his legacy. It would destroy the intimate promise Rex did to him and betray their bond.
And how could he?
At the lowest part of the track, Speed accelerates and his memories do nothing but follow him.
This place used to be enormous for Speed. As a kid, it just looked like it impossibly had no end.
Every time Rex brought him here and let Speed drive his car, it felt like they didn't have to worry about anyone else. There was a time when none of them wanted to head back to their home yet.
Speed had remarked how they could drive to the end of the world just so they remained together. No matter what.
They could've had the world for themselves.
That line of thought feels so naive, now.
Those thoughts became nothing but wishful thinking, so he had to bury them deep in his chest.
Speed lost count of the laps he's made on the track. He must have broken a record already.
But there is no one to witness it.
When Speed fled from Royalton’s clutches only to encounter people equally as treacherous… It was fear, of everyone believing what most of the media said about his brother and his memory being soiled the thing that made Speed act. He always did it for Rex.
It's as if those feelings were hidden under his car's hood and now they came out to hunt him. That fear never died– it remained at his side, especially after Rex left.
Togokhan betrayed him just when he needed a savior and now, everyone is clever to the kind of loser Speed Racer is. His mom sometimes would say; «Win the battle but lose the war». Pyrrhic victory. He had won at Casa Cristo, in fact, he could win every race for the rest of his life and yet, he would never bring down an industry that's funded by unscrupulous people in unaffordable suits.
Their corruption wouldn't stop just because Speed keeps running. There's a line between resilience and obedience and Speed stepped over the limit line the richest ones had drawn for him, so now he's doomed, along with his family he loves with all that’s left of his heart.
It doesn't help much, the fact that now he's aware that since his debut, his head has had a price and the industry only saw him as the money he could make. It was Royalton's modus operandi; choosing profit over talent. His, and his brother's career, had always been a lie.
Rex had tried to stand up for his values, to fight back for his own.
And that only got him so far.
Speed now knows how stupid it was, to try to change the world with so much to lose. He used to think Rex was capable enough to give the world to him; now he sees the fool he's been. Even though Rex cared and tried his best to protect him, his shoulders were never meant to stop the weight of the people stepping over his family.
And Royalton knew that pretty fucking well.
The rage speed forces out in a breath makes him rev the Mach 5's engine more. And more. It's not passion that's making him accelerate; it's the anger that starts to boil inside of him.
The motor tries his best to match Speed's ferocity. The tires of his Mach get ruined by the roughness of it.
For some people it could be hard to understand, but the only way Speed can release his anger is getting lost in the adrenaline, letting the engine do the rest.
Thunderhead is the only place where he can find himself; who he was and who he's trying to be. But Speed doesn't recognize the person he sees in the mirror now.
As his throat burns from screaming, his mind drifts back to the time Rex held him for the last time.
It wasn't for a race, they weren't excited for any victory. They didn't know at the time what would happen next. Rex was packing his belongings and was about to leave when Speed interrupted.
“Where are you going?” He'd asked.
“I can't be here anymore.” He rushed some of his clothes to his backpack. He hadn't even looked at him.
Something, deep inside of him broke the moment he saw his face. Full of stress, aching, with such rooted anger that he could barely hold himself together.
“Will you come back?” Speed had dared to ask.
There was silence. They exchanged stares, not needing any more words for what was about to happen.
Speed reached out to hold him.
His eyes had looked so tired, Rex was devastated. Speed hadn't known what to say to make him stay.
He never got to tell Rex how much he meant to him.
If only Speed had known that had been the last opportunity to talk to him… He would have told him he wasn't alone. They could have faced it together.
He would have never let him go.
A single tear rolls on his cheek and numbs his vision.
It doesn't matter, he knows this track from memory.
He allows more tears to come out.
It's disruptive to try to place when the emptiness inside Speed had started.
Was it since Rex left? Or when he died?
Losing him was losing himself. His mom held him tightly as he cried himself out, he couldn't stop– he's never been able to stop.
But was his absence more defeating, every single day of his life after that? When Rex didn't come from his room, hair disheveled, to eat breakfast? When they didn't drive to this track, preparing for the next race?
Or was it when Speed couldn't say a thing, when he left, just when he needed him the most?
Those fights with his classmates trying to protect the legacy of a brother that loved him and made him promise that he would keep trying made him feel powerless.
Rex was the person who made him who he was. The same brother that left that night and never came back.
Now, the only thing he has left isn't his brother, but his pain.
This time, Speed sobs. He forces himself to be composed. He knows he's left his mind wander too much.
Togokhan’s betrayal is, now, the end of Speed's career. They'll have all the profit they want and speed will be left out of the game. His family will be as damned as him.
Now all of those cheers shouting for Speed's name are nowhere to be found. He's alone, he always has been.
The track stays in a deadly silence as if it were a sleeping giant entity, dreaming of better days.
Speed goes from one extreme to another, the engine burning as much as his heart.
There's nothing in the world capable of stopping that anger or the hurt his eyes reflect.
Rex sacrificed himself for nothing. Now he's done it too. It seems that the public were always right; they've always been the same, just baggage worth forgetting.
The day Rex died becomes clearer. Brighter.
Bright as the fire that killed him, the day the sun was covered by smoke at Casa Cristo. Speed held his mom, knowing he would never feel Rex's arms holding him like that again, he would never lighten his world with his shiny smile.
Right now the only difference between both of them is that Speed keeps playing the rich's game. But he's tired of it.
Maybe his next step is clear.
It always has been.
The night is calm, bright… It's a beautiful sight for a tired, young man with an abolished career and no hope left, to see.
Beautiful enough to be the last one.
The thought of missing a turn and finally letting go makes him slightly release the steering wheel. At least that kind of departure wouldn't differentiate him from Rex.
Bright fire on a bright day.
His, a bright fire on a bright night.
Maybe that would clear his family's name. «Dead dogs don't bite», right? If Speed died just like Rex, maybe they would recover from it again.
It's a curse in his family, now he sees it.
He hopes his little brother will take another path.
Speed also hopes that when he jumps from the cliff, everything will be as fast as it was for his older brother.
As Speed gets closer to the lap that faces the cliff… he wonders if he ever did something with his life worth living for.
If every win had been planned just like Royalton said, then what else does he have left?
Just himself.
It makes him feel even worse since he's never actually been alone. He loves his mom and dad, his little brother, his girlfriend. Every single one of them were always there.
They should be enough to complete him.
But, they are enough. It's him, who is the problem, not feeling complete even when he has a house full of people that love him.
It doesn't make it less painful. They shouldn't have to pay for his decisions.
This must have been how Rex had felt his last days.
So surrounded by precious people…
…And yet, so, so lonely.
But just like they did after Rex, they'll learn to live without him, Speed repeats to himself.
He presses the accelerator gradually.
Maybe this is how he was meant to end, ever since the beginning.
A light shines across his face.
It's hope.
This is his final race.
A faint humming gets closer, each time harder to ignore.
Right at the start of the turn that he's about to miss, a yellow shadow follows the path of the white blur Speed leaves, hunting him.
Speed regains control over the steering wheel and turns the lap to glance at the rearview; someone's following him.
Another player joins the track.
Speed runs from the canary shadow as they guide a furious dance fueled by rage, worry and tiredness.
So he's finally, totally crazy. Because the one who's driving, following him tight is none other than his brother Rex. The way he drives and how he keeps control of the handwheel at this velocity it's unmistakable. Their car isn't even compatible with this type of track, no one else is as trained enough to drive here, except for him and Rex.
His ghost forces his way up to him, until they're face to face and speed turns to look at him.
But it's not Rex.
The masked racer glances back at him and Speed is reminded of Rex's chin, his jaw, the curve of his nose… how could he not be Rex?
If he just got to look under that mask.
He still, desperately wants to believe he's still alive, and might be this stranger that suddenly had wanted to help him at Casa Cristo.
But what if he is? What can be said to make this better? He abandoned him for nothing. He left Speed alone just to make a fool of himself in front of the people who once believed in him; then Rex deserves nothing else than to be hated, just the same way Speed deserves the pain he's going through.
As both of their cars kiss up against each other, Speed swings fiercely to the side leaving Racer X’s half defense out of the road. He keeps pushing and pushing until Racer X pushes back in one motion.
They keep swinging back and forth fighting for dominance, pushing each other against the walls of the track. Speed feels the hatred swell in his chest, rising as his hot breath puffs in the cold air in hard gasps.
His mind is confused, because Racer X just keeps driving like Rex. His body is tired. But who cares anymore? If he really was his brother, he should have said the truth before.
Why does his silence hurt so much?
Fuck him. Fuck everyone who keeps trying to make him stay. He's done.
Speed doesn't hold back this time. He swings ferociously against Racer X and brings him to a tailspin– but he feels the dread coming from his guts the moment Racer X crashes hard against one of the stands.
He's not moving.
The silence from before returns when Speed climbs out of the car. It's not a safe quietness anymore. All he can hear is the pulse of his blood against his ears and the drop of his heart as he realizes he's gone too far.
He approaches the yellow car hurriedly, looking for any sign that he's still breathing.
“X? Racer X?” Speed calls out in fear.
Racer X moves slightly as if twitching from pain.
“Racer X?!” Speed panics.
He's– what has he done?
He reaches closer to him, trying to find any pulse but X just twitches again, and again.
Speed wonders if calling an ambulance will be fast enough to get him help.
The rise of his panic stops abruptly when Racer X keeps twitching… but it's not from any pain.
He laughs as he falls out of the car.