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An auburn haired woman is sitting in her bed, tapping away at her omni-tool as the soft orange glow bathes her face and body in the light, holding a pillow tightly against herself. For the past two hours she's been like this, ever since her own mind forced her out of her slumber. Her expression shows peace, but her eyes show millions of thoughts of the past running through her mind, keeping her aware and awake. She looks intently at the hologram, reading something to help distract herself in this late night.
A drell is leaning against the doorway, his face holding an expression of concern for something. He walked over to her and sat on the bed. He placed his hands on the blankets, and leaned over, looking at her.
She looked up to him and smiled. The soft sounds of her omni-tool being the only thing breaking the deafening silence. She then looked back at her omni-tool and continued working away at it.
“Siha?” he placed his hand gently on her left knee.
“Yeah, Thane?” she said, not looking as she went back to her reading.
“When do you think you'll go to sleep?” Thane asked her.
“At some point, maybe. Maybe I'll get some sleep, maybe it'll be another one of those nights again.” She shrugged her shoulders, her expression showing focus, as if she's ignoring something in the back of her mind.
One of those nights again. He hated that expression, it always meant either her spending every moment of the night awake, pacing around the room whispering to herself, shouting at phantoms of old companions in the halls to get out of the line of fire, panicking about long forgotten failures and losses, or she'd be able to sleep, until she awoke, screaming about the Reapers and ripping her blanket off herself and grabbing her pistol, standing at guard, staring down the hall as her hands shook.
He always thought that humans never had a perfect memory, that time dulls all wounds for them. Then the first night she had a flashback proved him wrong.
He ended up kicking her across the room, when he felt what seemed to be her punching him in the stomach as she was on top of him, screaming out combat orders, and she was screaming for Garrus to take out a husk as she shot her pistol when she hit the wall, barely missing him. Only thanks to his skill and luck did it happen the way it did without injury to him. Her eyes were darting around the room as if she was looking around, her face showing fear and worry, and her breath rapid and panicky. The only thing that brought her out of that was him telling her that the war is over and she's not on the battlefield anymore, that she's safe and had survived that hell. Her hands had never shook as aggressively as they did on that night.
After that night, they went to a psychiatrist.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, that's what they called it, and she was diagnosed with it. He's heard of it before but he never really understood how it worked, not until he started hearing her screaming in her sleep, as if she was back on the battlefield. Or when she stops in the middle of the street, to where she needed to be moved out of danger, and when she had a glazed look over her eyes, not knowing where she was.
She actively rejected treatment, saying many things as to why she can't take any treatment. They ranged from her saying she's stronger than this and she can handle her trauma, to that she caused many other people, many who were completely innocent, to have it, so why should she get treatment for her punishment? He watched as she willingly destroyed herself, believing she couldn't accept that she's done no wrong. He thought it insane she'd do that to herself, everything she tried, everything she's done, was all for others, and all for nothing but making the galaxy a better place.
He looked down at the bed, and seemed lost in thought. He then looked up at her again.
“Are you sure, siha? You don't know if you'll be able to sleep tonight?” he asked again, his expression soft and concerned.
“Maybe, I don't know honestly this time, Thane.” She finally looked up at him, her amber eyes giving a serene faint glow from the cybernetics as she stared at him, “I don't know anymore, maybe this is my punishment from the galaxy for all the suffering I made many endure. Never truly having a night that's restful. Either sleepless nights or restless ones. But it's fine, it's not like I don't deserve it.”
It's not like I don't deserve it, he hated those words. Every fiber of his being found it disgusting that she'd insinuate that she deserves to suffer from ailments and pain and traumatic experiences being re-experienced by her again and again. She did nothing wrong, why would she deserve to suffer?
“I'll make you something to drink, okay?” he got up and walked over to the doorway, “Would tea work for you?”
“That sounds nice, thanks.” She smiled, “I don't know what I did to deserve someone such as you, Thane.”
“Siha, every little wonderful thing you did is what you did. You're nothing but perfection in my eyes,” he said, walking to the kitchen.
He then pulled out a silver tea kettle from the cupboard and looked for the tea strainer. She always was particular about her tea, and he was willing to comply as he was similar in his own tastes. He gave a soft smile as he held the honey he found on the counter nearby, one of the needed items for her tea.
After he filled the kettle pot with water, he looked for the needed ingredients for her tea. He got her box down from the cupboard, opening it and looking for dried white and pale yellow chamomile for the tea. He carefully pulled the package out of the box when he found it, setting it down afterwards. He then opened the refrigerator and looked inside, he then moved some items around and pulled a small vial out hidden in the shelf and saw that it was empty.
“I need to get more,” he said, grimacing.
He tossed the empty vial into the trash. He put the milk back into the refrigerator so as to not let it get a chance to spoil. He walked out of the kitchen. He picked up his jacket and put it on. He gave a soft growl to know that he has to deal with certain unsavory people at this moment.
Thane walked over to the hallway and looked down towards her, saying in a soft yet loud tone, “I'm going to go out, Cassiopeia.”
“What for?” she said, leaning towards the doorway and looking out of it.
“We're out of something for the tea,” he said, his tone pensive, “It's important for the recipe I have.”
She exhaled quietly, and said, “Can't you get it tomorrow, Thane?”
“Not unless you don't wish for the tea, Shepard,” he said sardonically.
She let out a sharp breath and said, “Fine, but be quick, okay?”
“Of course, siha,” he said, before he walked to the doorway and pressed a few keys on the holographic interface to unlock the door.
He waited a few moments and set it to auto-lock when the door closed and watched it open. He quietly stepped outside and walked away, hearing the door close and lock behind him.
Thane exhaled sharply and looked around, making sure no one else's eyes were on him. He's terrified of leaving her alone but he knows Kolyat is out late on shift tonight, trying to give aid when needed, and he cannot let anyone else know of what he does to help her, not even those she'd have as her closest companions, so he must go it alone. He walked down the pathway in front of him, his quiet determination visible on his face.
Thane walked past the various small crowds in the section of the ward he lives in, keeping to himself and avoiding the most common paths. He looked down one of the alleys and saw it was empty. He needed to find where they located the local market this time for what he needed to get.
He continued down along the pathway, staying close to the various buildings and looking down the various side streets to find it. When he saw two C-Sec officers further ahead at a distance walking towards him, he walked towards a nearby shop and started to look at the wares from the window, waiting until he heard the footsteps of the turian and the salarian walk past him. Thane overheard the conversation as they walked by.
“We have to do three more rounds in this ward tonight, then we can hopefully go home,” the turian said.
“Quiet night tonight, huh?” the salarian said.
“Shut it, Jaerix,” the turian said, her subvocals showing her clear and aggressive irritation, “Thanks to that crap you just said, now we're going to be stuck with doing spirits know what for the rest of the shift, asshole.”
“What?” Jaerix said, confused, “I was just observing. It's not going to hurt us, Selia.”
“And that stupid human superstition about not saying the q word when on the clock is somehow accurate, so you just fucked us over,” Selia snapped back at him.
There was the sound of an omni-tool being pinged and the turian growled in exasperation.
“I just told you, now we have to go deal with a homicide and suspect on the run, Jaerix,” she said, picking up her pace as she starts to run off.
“Hold on!” Jaerix yelled as he ran off.
Thane watched as the two officers ran off and quietly exhaled and then looked down the alley next to the shop and saw the signs of the illicit and unlicensed market he needed to find. He gives a quiet, relieved exhale as he walks down the alleyway, looking over his shoulders to make sure no one was following.
He walked over and looked at the first stall he found, looking at the asari merchant. He looked over her wares, which ranged from small weapons to data discs for illegal software, to endangered flora that he knows is not legal to take outside of their environment. He then looked up at her.
“Do you have any medical supplies?” he said.
“I mean, I have some but it depends on what you want,” she said.
“Any sedatives?” he said.
She shook her head no, and said, “Not this time, maybe one of the other stalls has it.”
Thane nodded quietly and walked over to a salarian, and looked over the wares he had, then walked by, seeing the majority were mainly electronics and data drives. He walked past the mercenary who was leaning against a table, holding a datapad with a contract template on it. A turian watched as he approached his stall.
“Do you have anything that is medi—” He was saying before he was cut off.
“No, Sere, I just sold my last batch of fenced medicine, besides I don't think it had what you needed, mainly only had basic medicine in it, antibiotics, painkillers, medi-gel, bandages,” the turian said apologetically, “Next time I may have what you need.”
He exhaled quietly and said, “I see. Thank you for your honesty.”
Thane backed away from the stall and started to walk around looking for the next person who could have what he needed. He started to feel nervous about the possibility of no one having. He did not wish to return empty handed without the necessary drug for her.
Thane walked past a quarian that leaned against a wall, looking at the temporary stalls in the small open area of the alley. The quarian then looked at him and grinned under his mask. The quarian grabbed his arm and pulled him slightly, stopping the assassin from going to the next stall.
Thane glared at the man, and said, “What?”
“I noticed you're looking for something and not finding it, I could help you get what you need,” the quarian said.
Thane looked the quarian over and said, “Do you have medical supplies?”
“Sure do, I have medicines, drugs, poisons, antidotes, injectors, cleaning materials, a bunch of things,” he said, “Of course, some, well, most of them fell off of cargo transports to ships, so you'll see some things that may be a little hard to find.”
“Alright then,” Thane said coldly, as he pulled his arm out of the quarian's hold and crossed them together, looking at him with a cool expression.
“Sooo, what are you looking for here?” he said with a patronizing tone.
“I need a sedative,” Thane said, pausing slightly, “Specifically Exanaen-37.”
The quarian's body language suddenly shifted, as he stood up straight and started to pace around, laughing slightly. He leaned over towards Thane and his luminescent eyes slightly narrowed.
“Oooooh, so it looks like this little drell needs a little help, doesn't he?” the quarian said in a salacious tone, as he looked him up and down, “I'm surprised you'd need it, with how that body of yours looks like. But I guess looks aren't everything, are they?”
Thane looked at him confused and said, “I just need to help her. What do my looks have to do with it?”
“Oh, you'll definitely help her alright with this,” he said, “And obviously the way you look has a lot to do with it, many ladies, and men like me, go a little crazy, but I guess for her... she's a little incompatible with you?”
Thane looked at her confused, and said, "Incompatible how? We're dating.”
“I mean, she could be uninterested and constantly talking about, this helps speed things along for you two. She'll just have a slightly harder time remembering the whole situation, but that's the thing with any species that isn't yours or salarians.” The quarian shrugged, his voice without mirth, then said, his jovial tone returning, “But you don't need to worry about that because well, it's just how things go.”
“It's the only sedative I can currently actively source that overrides her cybernetics,” Thane said, confused.
Thane was slightly concerned about the way this trafficker was speaking, but he was the only one he saw in these shops this night that had what he needed. He hoped he didn't have to deal with this man again the next time he had to return here. He looked around and saw the other merchants selling their illicit items to people, then looked back to the man he was dealing with.
“Oh, yeah, it definitely does help with overriding cybernetic implants,” he laughed, and said, “How much do you need?”
“Enough,” Thane said, “For more than one night. If possible, the entire case.”
The quarian laughed again and said, “Oh, you're dirty, drell. More than one vial? Most guys are just happy with one for a single session.”
“I care for her,” Thane said, confused, “I don't want to worry about her health. This isn't tainted with anything to make it noticeable is it?”
“Don't you worry, she'll be quite pleased with this,” he said, “And trust me, it's pure and she won't taste anything. Even made sure it's not adulterated, though the chemist got pissed when I wanted it completely clean.”
“I hope so, I want her comfortable,” he said, “And I don't really care about your interpersonal issues.”
“So rude, I thought you liked me. But I guess you trying to make her comfortable for some fun?” he said, as he pulled out the small case.
“I do not care about you. And well, I mean, if you consider sleeping fun, that would fit the definition, I believe.” Thane said.
The quarian looked at him confused, “Well, sleeping afterwards will be fun. Anyways you got to pay. 800 credits.”
Thane pulled out a credit chit, and looked at the quarian, handing him the chit saying confused, “What do you mean by afterwards?”
“I mean it's obvious,” the quarian said, “Put and stir some in her drink, hand it to her, take her to the bedroom, have some fun, you know?”
“I mean, if she finds sleeping fun, I'll take that over everything currently happening with her,” he said, handing over the chit, before becoming slightly irritated, “Now, can I please get the case and go? I did not wish to stay out this long.”
“Come on, you're not going to use it for its intended use?” the quarian goaded, laughing, “Are you stupid? Cause you just keep mentioning sleeping being fun, and I don't know if that's supposed to be code for something.”
Thane gripped the fabric on the man's environmental suit and lifted his body upwards and made him hit the wall behind him, leading to trafficker panicking. Thane's dark emerald eyes glared at the quarian as he pressed his hands harder against his chest.
“Do you want to try and challenge me, quarian?” Thane growled at him.
“Alright! Alright, what the hell is wrong with you?” he said, shocked, “Seriously, I just thought you were gonna use it for the standard use of this sedative.”
“Nothing is wrong with me, I just want her safe, that is all,” Thane replied, “So give me the sedative. Now.”
The quarian shoved the package into his open hand, and ran off when Thane released him from his grip. He then opened the container and gave a small grin as he saw more than just a single vial. He then quickly sealed the container closed and walked out of the hidden alley, going back onto the main paths, moving quickly through the crowds and retracing his steps back towards his apartment.
Thane then had the realization hit him after the tension left his body and had to resist running back at that trafficker to snap his neck. To even insinuate he'd do such a thing to her, where she'd be assaulted and harmed by him is a line he'd never cross unless he knew that harm was needed from keeping her from suffering from even worse harm, and even then, he'd limit it to the absolute bare necessary amount, no farther. To violate her like that is something he'd see as sacrilegious to what she is, he is her protector, because very few ever try to protect those who protect innocents like her, his siha.
Thane took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm himself before he went back towards the apartment. He didn't want to scare her with his rage, he wanted her to see him as her perfect lover that would do anything for her, truly anything. He'd do what's right for her, even if she doesn't believe it.
Thane stopped in front of the apartment, stopping at the door and unlocking the security system for the moment, setting it lock when it closes again. He walked quietly through the doorway. He then waited for the door to shut behind him and locked before he started to walk again, holding the contraband package tight to his chest. He walked into the living room and stood there for a moment, taking a deep breath.
“I'm back siha,” he shouted softly again down the hall.
“That's good,” she said, “I got worried about you.”
“You never need to worry, siha, I'm always there for you,” he said gently, “I'll go make your tea now.”
“Okay, that's good, you got the almond cookies, right?” she asked.
Thane walked into the kitchen, saying as he does so, “Of course, they're what you want. I made sure to get some earlier this week. While I was gone, you were okay, right? Not another flashback?”
“No, just still sleepless,” she said from the bedroom, “Thank you for your worry though. It's really kind, Thane, even if you don't need to do it.”
Thane walked over slightly, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, and said, his tone heartsick, “Shepard, if I don't... worry about you, I wouldn't deserve to be with you, because I'm supposed to worry and care for you as someone who loves another, especially someone like you, should. Don't even think otherwise, siha.”
He then set the full kettle on the stove and turned on the water to let it boil. He set the Exanaen-37 down and quickly looked into the dining and living room, checking for her presence. Thane gave a soft sigh of relief when he saw she wasn't there and was still in the bedroom. He did adore her presence whenever she wished to surprise him with a hug or similar, but he can't let her know this secret.
He put the chamomile flowers in a tea infuser and pulled a small measuring cup from the cupboard. He pulled out a bottle of honey and a bottle of lemon extract out from where they were stored, near their teas, and set them down. He then waited for the water to finish boiling, picking it up when it was finished and pouring it into the cup with the infuser in it. He waited for minutes to pass and then pulled the infuser out and took the spent flowers out, setting them aside for the garden she took care of. He poured in a splash of milk, a few drops of lemon extract and a spoonful of honey, stirring it together to make Cassiopeia her nighttime tea.
He took a small sip to taste it, he wanted to make sure it was perfect as she wanted it. He gave a soft smile and finally broke the seal on the vial. He then poured the sedative into the small measuring cup, stopping when there was a thin but noticeable line of blue in it.
He looked at the clear small cup he held. He looked at the small amount of blue liquid inside, he made sure to pour the correct amount to override the cybernetic implants but not enough to make her comatose. He needs it to be perfectly accurate so as to not hurt her.
Her drinking her tea spiked with the sedative would be the only way he'd successfully get her to take it so she'd be able to sleep soundly. He couldn't just hand it to her and tell her to drink it, she's rejected taking medicine many times if it wasn't for a physical illness or injury, seeing as she rejects therapy every time it's mentioned. He could use a needle to inject the sedative into her, but she has a notable fear of needles and it could shatter her image of him as someone who loves him, even though he does this for her. So, the only way he can succeed is if he gives her the tea with the sedative to drink.
He looked down at her chamomile tea and poured the sedative into the drink, stirring it thoroughly after he poured it in. He picked it up and walked out of the kitchen.
Walking into the bedroom, he held the cup in his hand carefully. He sat next to her, giving it to her as she looked up and reached for it.
“It took you a while, what happened?” she asked as she held the tea cup.
“We ran out of milk, so I had to get more,” He lied gently, acting a little embarrassed.
“You should have told me, I could have picked up more, Thane.” She laughed then took a drink of her tea.
“No, you have enough stress on yourself, siha. Let me at least do the small things for you,” he said, visibly relaxing as he saw her drink the tea.
“That's really sweet of you to do for me. Well, all this is,” she said as she continued to drink.
“It's nothing, besides I adore you, Cassiopeia. Let me take care of some things for you so you don't need to keep the whole world above water,” he said, sitting down and placing his hands on her knee.
She gave a soft smile as she drank her tea. He was happy that she didn't notice anything off about the tea. She starts to feel the effects of the sedative as she continues to drink her tea.
“Let me take that for you,” he said, getting up and reaching to take her cup.
“Hold on, you... know me,” she said, her sentence broken by a slight yawn, “I like to finish my drinks before I get to sleep.”
He quietly nodded with a smile. He was glad she always liked to do that, where because of it there was no evidence left behind for her to question in the morning.
She took the last sip of the tea, dropping the cup as she started to nod off. He picked up the cup as she started to feel the effects of the sedative fully kick in, trying to hold herself up until she fell backwards on the bed. He cleaned the cup of all residue and put it away afterwards.
He walked over to her, and covered her with a blanket. He then went into bed and laid next to her, pulling her close to him, holding her tight placing his head gently in the crook of her neck and going to sleep soon after with a gentle smile, comfortable in the knowledge of knowing she'll sleep through the night without any disturbance, having been lulled to sleep by the sound of her gentle breathing and steady heartbeat.
“Good night, my darling siha,” he whispered, “I'll see you when we wake in the morning. I love you.”
Thane then closed his eyes, nestled his head in the crook of her neck, and quietly went to sleep, his fear of her suffering even more than he believes she ever deserves allayed for just a while longer.