Chapter Text
𓆩♡𓆪
(Yn) always thought she was weird.
Or, at least, she believed it because that's what she's always been told.
The first time she could recall being called "weird" was on the first day of preschool. A young girl came up to her, all gummy smiles and sticky fingers, blabbering about wanting to play house with her. It would have been a sweet memory for (Yn); a rather sweet one.
If it wasn't for the fact that the gummy-smiled kid didn't even know how to play house right.
All (Yn) was trying to do was help show the young girl that just because she was the wife that didn't mean they had to cook and clean the plastic cutting boards with the velcro fruits. Because, well, (Yn) quite hated cooking. Helping her mother cook, even by doing small things like stirring the pan or flipping something, always managed to backfire on her by some stupid chance of bad luck. Besides, (Yn) also hated cleaning—too much work for something that was going to get messy, anyway. A sentiment her mother didn't quite like for the young girl.
So, with refusal after another did the gummy-smiled girl storm off in a fit of tears pointing and screaming about how, "(Yn) didn't want to play with me!", which was false. (Yn) did want to play with her; it's just she didn't want to do something that they didn't like. After a few back-and-forth conversations with the crying girl and her did she say the one word that would plague (Yn)'s mind until the end of time.
"You're weird!"
It's been a few years since then with (Yn) finally making it to middle school—sixth grade—and she has grown quite a lot. In a few bad ways as well with all that persistent acne and constant body pains. A state that was only worsened by the fact that it didn't help her seem more attractive in the eyes of her peers.
You would ask yourself, "why does it matter if (Yn) sees herself pretty in other people's eyes?", and that is where you're correct for asking. Why would she? Well, because maybe then her classmates would want to play with her and be their friend. Ever since preschool did (Yn) know what she was and how other people viewed her: a weirdo. Not only for her inability to play without adding their two cents in but also because for their varying interests.
For one, when (Yn) was a kid did other people consider someone a weirdo for liking anime. Oh, and did she adore anime. Ever since getting introduced to it by her brother did she dig and dig herself deeper into the depths of such a wonderful genre. Honestly, (Yn) grew to not mind others treatments because, at the end of the day, all she had to do was go back home and binge-watch a new series she read about in some random forum.
Why bother with human interaction when you had anime? When you had fictional characters that weren't perceived weird for simply being a bit more different than others? (Yn) liked to think that anime was the catalyst for their later interests of fictional novels, art, and learning random blueprints of inventions young or old.
Every single time their school had a science fair did (Yn) make sure that she went all out. Never nothing new, no, but always something that she managed to not only replicate but build off of the blueprint of another inventor. Let it be her to be the one able to make a lightbulb by herself by the 3rd year or by managing to create a lock of her own.
(Yn) couldn't recall how she ended up making stuff. Maybe it was from an anime or book? Whatever the reason was, it was there, and oh did (Yn) love every single second spent alone in her garage fiddling with stuff that was probably much too dangerous for someone their age. A concern shared by her parents, but never something they acted on. The reasoning for it?
As long as (Yn) was happy, then it didn't matter.
You see, (Yn)s parents were well aware that the young child didn't have many friends. Scratch that, any friends. It was clear by the way they would wait around the pick-up line and see (Yn) and their classmates come back from recess with their daughter being in the back of the big blob—alone. If that wasn't enough for evidence, then what her teachers reported to them was.
"(Yn) is a lovely girl with a great imagination! She always pays attention in class and always turns in her assignments with perfect marks! However... not to bring any alarm, but (Yn) seems to be a tad introverted... at times. They prefer to read by themselves during Book Time and barely participate during group projects. Maybe, have you considered bring her to a—"
Ever since receiving that first talk during a parent-teacher conference did (Yn) parents begin to receive them more and more as the years went by. (Yn) never brought in any friends, never asked to hang out with anyone, nor has even spoken of someone's else's name if it wasn't because her parents asked them to.
The isolation bred silence. That is what (Yn) liked to think. She didn't grow up to speak if it wasn't necessary, and a lot of times that was best. Whatever she had to say, most would prefer to not hear. It was like she was a stain. Never bullied, nor harassed, but simply avoided as if (Yn) came with a big red mark on her forehead that says, "I'm weird; don't come close".
The term "weird' was a word that (Yn) grew to consider a negative one. It never meant anything good, in her opinion, with it being the main reason why she was alienated all their life. Or, that's what she believed, at least. It was bad to be weird, because then you don't fit in and won't be invited to birthday parties and picked as a partner during recess.
(Yn) knew she was weird.
And she hated it.
Winter had come, and snow laid lazily over the withered grass and sidewalks with its every blowing breath. It was cold, no matter where you went, and the sky had long been claimed by the short days and long nights. It was the perfect weather to simply stay inside and huddle up to read a good book. A sentiment that more than one person shared, and one of those people being (Yn); in a way.
Stuck inside of her garage during this cold winter evening was a perfect way to end the day, in her mind. The "clink-clanking" of metal beating metal and the warm embrace of the furnish was a welcomed embrace from the icy night. Sparks jumped off of the molding metal like little stars—a sight that (Yn) never seemed to get bored of.
"Pretty..." Mumbling this under her breath, (Yn) hit the reddened mold with a hammer—relentless and unyielding. Muscles flexed as sweat glistened off like the sparks that flew off of the impact somehow managed to land on their flesh. Letting out a deep sigh, (Yn) tossed off her helmet before admiring the heated blade with a satisfied grin. Holding her hand over it, the heat melted across her hardened skin like a whisper of the sun—intense but familiar.
Carefully did (Yn) place the reddened mold into a bucket of cool water before allowing themselves some rest. Plopping back down onto their worn-down Lazy Boy did she finally allow herself to let out a deep sigh and melt against its loved frame. Allowing their head to lull back, (Yn) lazily reached out for a dusty bottle of water before pinching the cap off—chugging the liquid with greed.
(Yn) has been in her "workshop" since dawn, if memory serves right, and all she's been working on was fixing a few orders from their clients for the upcoming shipping date. Some swords, a few replicas of medieval weapons here and there, all custom made. Music played in the background like a distant hum as the sounds of metal hammering against metal continued to echo around (Yn)s mind without release.
This place was hot, almost unbearably so, but it was a welcomed reprieve compared to the coldness that lingered outside. Zoning off on a stray beer bottle she had left alone just a few hours prior, (Yn) simply relished their break in silence. It's been a few years since she had self-taught herself how to make weapons; maybe around senior year of high school?
Now, (Yn) was twenty years old, and she's been in her home for the past four days doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and hammering. It was a simple cycle, but not one she quite minded in all honesty. It felt... nice to have a constant. Thanks to the shitton of money they had made making middle-aged men their swords and weeaboos their katanas (Yn) managed to leave her childhood home and instead move into their very own house.
Which is why, here she is, in the middle of nowhere living in a home where the only place properly decorated was their workshop. Or, garage if you want to be more specific. Really, the only reason (Yn) even bought this place was because of how spacious the garage was. It was meant to fit a few cars, but now it fit her equipment and more. What else does she have in here, anyway?
A bed.
Yes, (Yn) slept in her workshop. Don't judge.
It started as a slight curiosity. As almost everything does, if she's honest. Then she started to research it more, started to look things up on YouTube, and it didn't help that they watched anime's with the most insane types of swords being flashed to her on the daily. Then, one day, (Yn) caught sight of a flyer advertising a weekly class on, "How to Become a Swordsmith".
(Yn) went to one class and quickly quit soon after.
It wasn't that she hated it or thought of it as challenging. No, there was simply too many rules to it. You had to do this and that in order to hopefully not get your finger cut off, and all of the extra equipment needed for safety and such felt so unnecessary. Really, the only safety equipment (Yn) allowed herself was a helmet but that was simply because she preferred to keep her eyes.
Gloves? No. Anything else at all? Nah.
So, she soon bought everything she needed with the help of their part-time job at McDonalds along with a loan, and after all of that did (Yn) finally manage to get everything they needed in order to start their hobby. You might be wondering why someone would give such an effort and money in order to fund a newfound "hobby"?
Well, because it looked cool, and now it had somehow become her career and there was no going back now.
Chugging down the last droplets of water, (Yn) let out a satisfied sigh before getting up with a groan. Stretching their limps, (Yn) calmly pushed away a stray strand of (hc) hair before making their way towards their coat hanger that was mounted haphazardly right next to the garage door. Pushing the door open, (Yn) walked into the somewhat empty living room before leaving through the front door, keys in hand.
(Yn) had a nasty habit of allowing things to run out until almost everything was gone, and that always led her to running late-night errands that costed her almost one band every time. It was a hassle, but not anything too annoying where (Yn) would have to change it. That was simply something that she both preached and went by: that if it didn't need fixing, don't fix it.
As long as it wasn't too much of a bother, it was okay. Too much work on something annoying was, well, annoying.
Turning the engine to life when (Yn) stepped foot into their car did she spot the various check lights that sprung to life like a warning sign. Something she often ignored, since it wasn't causing her any immediate harm. Giving their car a moment to warm itself up since it was rather cold and, well, (Yn) car had this weird thing with it that even after it was revved and ready to go it wouldn't go even if you pressed the gas.
A nasty thing when in a rush, but all (Yn) needed to worry about was making orders and shipping them out, and so she was very rarely ever in a rush for anything. Tonight was not one of them, either. So, instead did (Yn) lean back against her worn car seat and stare up at the round moon with their (ec) eyes half-lidded and calm.
A funny thing (Yn) liked to believe in was that the moon was her friend. It started off rather young when she began to believe in this. Most of her darkest moments happened during the night, and if (Yn) were to look out the window she was sure to spot the moon looking back at her. A comforting constant was the moon.
Sometimes, she would speak to the moon, ask them questions about something or simply yap about her new favorite interest. Last time she spoke to the moon, which was yesterday, did (Yn) talk to the moon about her most recent watch: Jujutsu Kaisen. They managed to get half-way through the anime before deciding to lay off the rest in order to work on some of her orders. Something she didn't mind since (Yn) loved making stuff rather than watching.
But, other times did (Yn) simply stare at the moon and think. She thought about a lot of things when staring at the moon; most almost never the same as the last topic. The woman's life had been in a constant cycle of the same everyday routine for the past two years now. (Yn) never went out anywhere without a good reason, like right now where she was going to the grocery store.
The last time, if her memory served nicely, was when she went out to eat with her parents in celebration of (Yn) moving out. A good memory if it wasn't for the amount of people in the restaurant that day. Now, (Yn) doesn't think she has anything against strangers automatically. If anything it's more of the fact that they're just... there.
(Yn) preferred to be alone.
It's not like she ever had much of a choice.
The glaring fluorescent lights of the grocery store were also rather annoying in (Yn)s opinion. It made her feel as if she had entered a new plane of existence and was being subjected to crammed, stuffy aisles with crying babies and uncoordinated adults who didn't know what personal space was. Everything was too loud, but not to where it was uncomfortable, but just where it was just... there.
Everything hurt her eyes; everything was way too bright and dull at the same time, and it didn't help that their cart was crappy as hell with a busted-up wheel that kept making (Yn) pause from its squeaky noises.
"Just gotta get to my car..." That was the same mantra that (Yn) thought to herself throughout this whole ordeal. Finally, after getting to their last item did she make it to the check-out lane... only to find that the self-checkouts were closed. Wonderful, lovely, absolute perfect. Pushing back a scowl from forming on their face did (Yn) silently, but begrudgingly, make their way to the only empty lane with a bored employee standing behind its counter.
Stopping their cart just behind them did (Yn) begin to silently put their items onto the conveyer belt with only a small nod in polite acknowledgement to the worker. Which should have been enough for anyone, or barely enough, but no. It just had to be inadequate enough to the worker because the lady's eyes widened as a surprised gasp managed to leave their lips.
(Yn) managed to sense the change along with the gasp and believed it could only mean one thing. A conversation was headed her way, and fast.
"Wait, I know you! Do you remember me? We used to go to high school together!"
Oh, no. This wasn't just a normal unwanted conversation; it was a goddamn reunion.
Steeling herself, (Yn) slowly turned towards the cashier before offering a small, polite smile. Almost immediately did they recognize the person that they were talking to, and yes it was true that they went to high school together. Not only did they both go to the same public place, but also—
"I remember you were so quiet back then! All mysterious and stuff!" A soft giggle left the cashiers mouth—(Yn) refused to try and remember her name nor look at their nametag—before the lady continued to babble on and on about something (Yn) would rather forget then be told to against their will at 9 pm. "What was that thing called? That Japanese stuff? I remember you liked that anime stuff back then. Oh, please don't tell me you like that shit now—it's so weird!"
Another laugh left the cashiers lips, and (Yn) simply stood there, unresponsive. It wasn't until another customer behind her cleared their throat in a subtle sign of impatience before the cashier finally realized that her ex-classmate was still waiting to be rung up. "Oh, sorry! Got caught up there; lemme ring you out real quick..."
All the while (Yn) merely remained silent; just staring at the Totals Screen as she waited for the cashier to get done ringing them up. They were seriously starting to consider ordering their grocery list online if it meant avoiding moments like this—fees be damned.
After about five minutes had everything finally been rung up and paid for before (Yn) high-tailed out of that grocery store as if her life depended on it. Because, well, it did if she wished to try and conserve what little will they had left for today. Letting out a heavy sigh once their back met the worn fabric of the driver's seat, (Yn) glanced over at all the grocery bags she had stuffed in the back before locking their doors with a "click".
Yeah, she's going to start online shopping from now on.
Night had caught up to (Yn) a lot sooner than she originally thought. It felt like just an hour ago she had just awoken from a bad dream. Lately, the days have been getting a lot shorter; maybe it was a result from the repetitiveness of her life, or maybe it was just her, (Yn) thought. As she sat underneath the moonlit sky, a beer in hand whilst the other subconsciously gripped at the armrest from the lawn chair, did (Yn) begin to ponder a little bit more on her days.
When was the last time they had a proper conversation with someone?
The last time they even tried to be normal?
"Normal, my ass." Snickering behind a weak grin, (Yn) reared their head back—hair tousled along like silk falling over smooth marble—as the cold liquid trickled down her throat bringing along with it that familiar burning pain. It took a while for (Yn) to grow used to it, that subtle burn. It made her wonder how something that has been chilling in the fridge for so long could be so hot, but it was the only thing nowadays that really grounded her.
That, and bladesmithing. "Two things are better than none, right?"
Resting her cheek against their knuckles, (Yn)s bored (ec) eyes stared up at the endless dark sky—winking stars staring right back at her. The moon hung low tonight, towering yet so comforting. This was also another reason she bought this home; being able to see the night sky so clearly compared to back home in the city. It was imperative that the place she spent all her days would be able to offer a perfect view of her favorite moon.
Taking another swing of her beer, (Yn) cleared their throat before settling the bottle in between her thighs, hands going to rest over her abdomen as their eyes settled up towards the lulling sky. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, (Yn) let out a sigh before melting bonelessely against her lawn chair; almost sliding off of it.
"Moonie... this is okay, right? Everything here, everything I'm doing and how I'm doing it... it's okay, right?" Mumbling this through their lips, the sound of crickets followed suite in reply with the moon continuing to stare back at her in silence. Pouting, (Yn) melted deeper into the lawn chair—eyes setting downcast as she began to gaze into the beer bottle absentmindedly. "I don't know... it feels right. Nothing feels... wrong, you know? Everything is calm, everything is okay; everything is just... stable."
Staring silently as she watched a few ants crawl across their porch deck, the crickets and the night silence continued to hum along. Even when the moon had no words to spare her, it still somehow managed to give (Yn) an answer. Or maybe, it was just an answer that she already knew.
"I mean, you know I don't mind being alone. Talking to you—I'm not really alone. This life... it's calm; there really isn't any way it could get better than this. I have everything I ever wanted right... here."
Yet, as the night silence stretched on with the sight of her lone figure slouched over a lawn chair and their home standing idly by behind them without a single light on did (Yn) receive a silent answer. Though, as always, she ignored it. Sometimes it was best to ignore—avoid—change. Right now, (Yn) knows what she'll get every day and knew what to expect. So why acknowledge her state if she was sure it was going to bring nothing but trouble?
Sure, other people say that living in isolation was nothing short of stupid, but it was what (Yn) always knew she wanted. What she always knew was going to happen. They knew what was wrong, and knew how to fix it, but (Yn)... if it's not broken, why bother? That same old excuse, time and time again.
Letting their eyes rest shut, (Yn) took a moment of silence in order to compose their thoughts. "One of these days, Moonie is going to grow tired of me and my nagging. Maybe they'll send down a meteor to decimate my ass? At least then I'll learn that they were always listening..." A soft chuckle escaped her before (Yn) gulped down another swing of her cheap beer. They could remember, back when she was a child, how often her uncles would come around the table and drink themselves blind.
What amazed her most was how they always managed to drive home without trouble.
"Maybe I'll be like that one day..." Whispering this to herself (Yn) merely shrugged before setting the beer bottle aside. Perhaps it was best to not encourage herself to drink and drive. Maybe when she's older, they supposed. Readjusting her position on the creaking lawn chair, (Yn) cleared her throat before focusing back to the moon.
"Everything in this world is dull, you know? So colorless, even when I'm surrounded by nothing but color. It's like this world is lacking something... or maybe it's me that's lacking something. Maybe I just don't have the eyes other people have. Nothing interesting ever happens; not that I'm complaining. Predictability has never done me wrong." (Yn)s voice was hushed, as if she was whispering even while talking, like their larynx rarely ever got exercised.
Tilting her head to the side, soft locks flowed easily alone as a hand went up to their cheek once more—holding her face. "It's just me, isn't it?" A beat of silence followed through with not even the crickets singing by to offer a background of music before (Yn) merely grumbled out a curse and leaned over to take another swing of her beer. "Could have at least tried to comfort me, ya know?"
The crickets began their humming song once more, and the moon continued to stare down at her as its always done.
"Whatever... I don't know why I'm complaining. I chose this life, and it's a good one. It's just the anime talking—binge-watching Jujutsu Kaisen is doing a lot more harm than good." Laughing weakly, (Yn) cradled the cold beer in her hand before swirling it around languidly, eyes drifting back up to the moon as she began to feel something press on her throat. "Watching 2-D guys do magic tricks and shit makes life seem a lot more fun that it is, is all. Makes me wonder if I could do stuff like that—shoot fireballs out of my ass, right, Moonie?"
Silence.
Clutching the bottle tighter in her grasp, (Yn) forced her eyes away from the overshadowing moon—brows furrowing as their lips twitched downwards. "Whatever; don't say anything. It was stupid to say stuff like that, anyway. I'm a grown ass woman crying about... ugh." Resting their elbows on her knees, (Yn) cradled their head within her palms; eyes shutting tightly as her brain began to mull over how absolutely sad she sounded right then. "I need to start worrying about tax season coming up instead of... whatever this is."
Standing back up, (Yn) carried the beer by its tip before tossing the moon a lingering glance; lips tightening together as her shoulders tensed. "I really need to stop talking to you. I really do." But, just like everything else (Yn) does, she's all bark and no bite. They knew that no matter how much she complained about her silly habit of speaking to the moon, they would never stop.
Walking back inside the chilly home, (Yn) tossed aside their slippers before wandering back into their workshop. Stepping into the familiar space did she finally arrive before her bed in all its glorious mess. Flopping down with a groan, (Yn) lazily moved to lay on her back before swinging her beer up as she went to drink only to let out a startled gasp when she felt some of it splashing on her face. Before they could react most of the beer went into her opened mouth, far too much to handle at once, causing (Yn) to desperately try to stand up only to fall onto the cold concrete floor.
With one hand clutching at her side while the other pat at her throat, (Yn) began to feel her throat constrict as air began to quickly dwindle to nothing. "I breathed it in—shit, I breathed it in!" Grasping at what felt like the bed mattress, (Yn) began to desperately hit at her chest; eyes watering as vision began to go blurry. It felt like everything in her body was starting to pop and bulge out with her heart basically going wild against their chest.
With her mind panicking and her strength leaving them (Yn) tripped to the ground; head thudding harshly against the ground causing them to choke more onto the water that continued to make their throat constrict and blood pressure to rise. If it wasn't for the fact that her body was struggling heavily because of the lack of oxygen—with (Yn) panicked state not helping, either—she would have noticed the blood trickling down her head.
"Oh my god, oh my god; I'm going to die. Fuck, it burns—I can't... I can't..." With her oxygen being reduced to nothing, and their mind hazing as a result, thinking was becoming more of a hassle than second nature with (Yn) still desperately clawing at her throat—her subconscious minds last ditch effort to relieve them of the stress. Which didn't help, with all the clawing becoming more severe before (Yn) began to choke on her own blood.
Everything burned, everything hurt. It felt like some heavy pressure was being applied inwards and was trying to push itself out, but it couldn't. With her vision going blurry, and their mind flowing slower than usual, (Yn) began to feel the faint thumping of her heart lull itself in the background as she could hear their blood pulse less and less.
Yet, even so, (Yn) continued to claw at her throat—hopelessly trying to save herself. Even when all it was doing was making their death a whole lot quicker. Like most things, however, she ignored the truth. It seems it finally managed to catch up to her with all the running she's been doing for all of these years.
After what felt like an eternity—it was really just six minutes—(Yn) could barely form a thought before she felt her body go limp as if all of their efforts had wasted away what energy she had left. Going limp on the floor, (Yn)s blurry vision could just barely make out all the unfinished swords she had to ship out this coming month. The deadline was soon... it was so soon...
"They're gonna be... so pissed..."
Everything then went dark.
The moon continued to stare down at the lone home as if they could still see (Yn) complaining and telling them of her day.
What a pity for it to all end so soon...
Sure, the process of birthing a baby was said to be painful; life-threatening. Yet, what about the baby? Did they feel any pain? The answer might be found through a series of scientific research and—
"What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck—!"
Or one could simply ask (Yn) who was currently in the process of being pushed through a gaping hole and being thrusted into the coldest place she had ever been in. "Now I know why babies don't remember anything! Hell nah, take me back! Put me back! I can feel everythinggg!" Letting out a loud cry through their aching mouth, (Yn) let out an even louder cry once she felt something harsh slap against their bottom. "What the hell?! This too?! Fuck you! Fuck—!"
"It's a beautiful baby girl!"
"Huh?"
Before having been pushed out of something and being huddled up by possibly the thinnest blanket imaginable, (Yn) couldn't remember much. All she could remember that she was choking in her garage because of that stupid cheap beer and had woken up from possibly what felt like the longest nap of their life before being forced in this situation.
Which was...?
Trying to open their eyes the best they could, (Yn) let out a muffled whine once she barely managed to crack them open just an inch before being met with the familiar sight of the moon peering through an open window. Though, it was hard to see anything else, (Yn) was sure she could make out the shape of the moon even if they were blind.
Despite feeling all achy and sticky, (Yn) stilled for a moment and hushed herself as she felt a wave of peace wash over her small body from just the mere sight of the moon. A constant... always a constant—
Letting out another cry once she felt herself being gently offered to another pair of hands, (Yn) continued to cry out of annoyance—because for some reason it felt like the only thing she could do—she could barely hear the soft "shush" of another woman's voice being directed to her. Cuddled closely to a warm, beating chest, (Yn) almost forgot about her qualms... if it wasn't for how weird everything is right now.
"Where am I? Who is this? Why do I feel all small and shit? Someone get this woman off of me! I somehow managed surviving death by asphyxiation, and someone dares to cuddle me right now? I swear, when I get my hands on them..." Though, as (Yn) tried their hardest to flex her weirdly chubby hands, they managed to grip something much larger than them.
"Oh, she's beautiful, Aiko... so beautiful..."
"What shall we name her?"
"Name her? Do I look like a pet? I'm sure I had my I.D. somewhere so go check that—"
"(Yn), Akamine (Yn)."
"What? No; my name is (Yn)—"
Not that it mattered anymore what her last name was, anyway.
Throughout it all, the moon remained ever watchful.
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• this is a reupload from my Quotev account for precaution
• thank you so much for reading this far, and I hope you’ll stay tuned for the coming journey !
• as always, have a lovely day/night 💕
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