Chapter Text
Namjoon dreams of stars. Of lying flat on his back, on the cold, hard surface of a road in the middle of nowhere. He remembers the warmth of Taehyung’s body, pressed to his side with his arm as Namjoon’s pillow. He sees Taehyung’s pretty fingers pointing to one star, then another, what’s that one, hyung? and Namjoon tells him he doesn’t know. Taehyung only looks the tiniest bit disappointed before he moves on to pointing at another constellation.
Namjoon opens his eyes and the stars disappear. So does Taehyung.
*
It’s been three days since their latest dumb fight, and Namjoon decides that it’s long enough to swallow his pride and patch things up. He comes to the bookstore where Taehyung works with a box of heart-shaped chocolate because he’s cheesy and unoriginal, and because Taehyung once claimed he liked him that way.
“Can I help you, Sir?” is the greeting he gets. Taehyung has a warm, cordial smile on his face; the default expression when he’s dealing with customers. The smile he gives strangers.
Namjoon doesn’t know what to make of it. It wouldn’t be the first time Taehyung pulls a prank on him, funny or not, but the unfamiliarity is a little too convincing. “Hi,” Namjoon tries smiling. He hands Taehyung the gift on his hand. “This is for you. I’m sorry.”
Taehyung looks genuinely confused, and Namjoon can’t help but feel a little uneasy. This somehow feels different from Taehyung’s usual games. “Uh,” Taehyung’s hand hovers above the box before finally accepting it. “I don’t know what you’re sorry for, but thanks!”
Taehyung’s wide grin is the one Namjoon hasn’t seen since the first day he met Taehyung; the only day when they’re actual strangers, and it gets scarier the more he thinks about it. Maybe Taehyung would drop the act once they’re home alone together. “Do you wanna talk at home, Taehyung? Or if you don't wanna talk I'm up for anything. I'll even watch your volleyball cartoon.”
To Namjoon’s surprise, Taehyung takes a step back, looking alarmed. His question is as distant as the look in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Sir, but how do you know my name?”
Namjoon frowns – this isn’t funny anymore. Namjoon knows how much Taehyung loves acting, knows how it had been his dream before life gets too hard and acting pays for nothing. He knows because Taehyung has randomly reenacted different drama scenes many times before in their relationship, only this time Namjoon doesn’t feel like laughing. He feels like exploding, because it’s been three days since they last had a good conversation, and this one can’t even pass as decent. “Come on, Taehyung,” he whines, “I’m tired. Let’s get out of here and I’ll buy you food, okay?”
Taehyung throws the box of chocolate back at Namjoon, looking extremely annoyed. “I’m sorry, Sir,” he comments coldly, scowling at Namjoon. “I don’t know who you are. And if you think I’d come with just because you gave me chocolate, you’re extremely wrong.”
This isn’t Namjoon’s intention at all. This isn’t what Namjoon had in mind when he visited to make nice with Taehyung. Maybe this isn’t worth it. “Fuck, Taehyung,” he hisses. “Enough with this stupid game, let’s go!” he tries catching Taehyung by his sleeve, but misses as Taehyung takes another step away from him.
“Jiminnie!” Taehyung yells towards the manager’s office. Some people who were browsing the racks of books and old vinyl records start staring at the two of them. “Help me out, this man is bugging me!” Namjoon’s eyes grow wide at the accusation, his head boiling with anger.
Jimin steps out of the manager’s office, whining under his breath. He stomps towards Taehyung like he’s about to yell back at him for scaring customers, but his expression falters at the sight of Namjoon. “Ah,” he sighs, “Namjoon hyung.”
Taehyung stares at Jimin. “You know this guy?”
Of course Jimin knows him. He’s been with Taehyung for over a year, picking him up from work and bringing him lunch when he has the time. Jimin’s scolded the two of them more than Namjoon would care to admit; sometimes for kissing behind the shelves, sometimes for making a scene when arguing over petty things. Of course Jimin knows him. But why doesn’t Taehyung? “Jimin, I – ”
Jimin puts a hand on Namjoon’s shoulder, cutting him mid-sentence. “Ah, hyung,” he gives a squeeze as if trying to comfort Namjoon. Jimin glances at Taehyung, who is hiding behind him, staring coldly at Namjoon. “Just go home, hyung. Uh, Tahyung isn’t feeling well,” Jimin reasons, pushing Namjoon towards the door.
Namjoon opens his mouth to protest; he has more than enough reasons to. But Jimin just says one more time, “Hyung, go home.”
As the door closes behind him, Namjoon can see Taehyung looking at him like he’s not the person who has shared his bed for the good part of last year. He looks at him as if Namjoon is a weird person he just met, and Namjoon hates his insecurities more than he hates the lack of warmth in Taehyung's eyes. He doesn’t want to be forgotten – especially not by Taehyung. Namjoon drives home, angry and hurt . He and Taehyung are going to have a long talk about this when Taehyung gets home later.
Taehyung never comes home.
*
Their first meeting was on a train one cold, snowy morning. Namjoon sat by the window, fiddling with his beanie to hide his hair. He had been a straight-A, no-nonsense kid all his life, and for a change he thought that bleaching his hair would be a good start to being bad. It looked god-awful and Namjoon regretted everything.
Taehyung was the guy with soft lavender hair, easily spotted in a rather empty carriage. He was the guy who caught Namjoon staring at him, grinning widely when the latter panicked upon eye contact. He was the overly friendly guy who approached Namjoon, telling him his hair looks awesome, why are you covering it. Taehyung was the one chattering nonsense throughout the train ride, and making Namjoon laugh when he least expected to.
“It’s my birthday,” Taehyung had told him that day, two stations before his stop, while staring at Namjoon, fishing for response.
Namjoon didn’t know the answer Taehyung wanted. “Happy birthday,” he had said after a pause.
Taehyung kept staring and Namjoon shifted on his seat, until, “Come have brunch with me? I don’t want to be alone on my birthday.”
*
Namjoon is more angry than anything when he enters Jimin’s office after Taehyung fails to come home for another three days. Jimin sounds like a lot of bullshit and reasons after reasons, and Namjoon’s had enough. “Just tell me what the fuck is wrong with him!”
He knocks down a pile of letters in his rage, leaving stacks of papers flying off Jimin’s desk. Namjoon grunts, feeling bad enough already that he’s unleashing his anger on Jimin instead of Taehyung. He crouches to pick the letters up. “Leave it, hyung,” Jimin yelps, nearly jumping off his chair trying to stop him.
Namjoon understands why as soon as he sees one particular letter. The piece of paper catches his attention because it has his name in bold, and because Jimin is reaching for it like it’s the most important secret he needs to hide.
Dear Park Jimin,
Kim Taehyung has erased Kim Namjoon from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him ever again.
Thank you.
Namjoon rereads everything over and over again, thinking that maybe after reading it so many times it would finally make sense. He notices the makeshift company logo attached at the bottom right corner and recognizes the address as a place a couple blocks away from his apartment. “What is this?” he demands, waving the piece of paper at Jimin.
Jimin stares at him, opening and closing his mouth as if making up stories inside his head, but eventually gives up. He flops down onto his chair, sighing. “I don’t know, hyung,” he says, evidently as frustrated as Namjoon. “It came in my mail,” he mutters. “I thought it was a joke, but Taehyung really doesn't know anything about you anymore, doesn’t even recognize your name.”
Namjoon freezes in his spot. Nothing makes sense. “I’m sorry,” Jimin whispers.
Namjoon is more angry than anything else when he stomps out of Jimin's office. Who the fuck erases someone from their memory just because they had a stupid fucking fight? Taehyung, apparently. He takes big strides towards the exit and catches a glimpse of Taehyung and some guy with doe-eyes and bunny teeth, kissing behind the counter.
Namjoon feels something boiling inside of him. Maybe erasing wouldn’t be so bad.