Chapter Text
Calling, Progress report
Mid-procedure, final attempt.
Status
Casing; strong, Movement; zero, function; zero, capacity; empty, though expanded.
Procedure status
Limbs; attached. Facial plating; undergoing procedure. Aesthetic features, yet for completion.
facial plating; structure; complete. Plating; undergoing procedure.
Sensory recognition features
Sight; undergoing procedure. Hearing; complete. Touch senses embedded into plating and connected to Neuro-centre. Neuro-centre; yet to be placed.
Neurological function centre; functional, tested and wiped today at 0300. Fully functional.
Facial plating procedure brought to stand-by.
Sight and visionary devices undergoing implantation.
Sight and visionary devices implanted.
Lenses attached.
Facial plating procedure continuing.
Facial plating completed. Aesthetical featuring undergoing procedure.
Aesthetical procedures complete.
Neurological-function centre ready.
Neurological function centre; in place. All systems connected.
Head casing in place and secured.
Permission to power up requested.
Permission to power up granted.
Powering up.
Subject shows no sign of movement, observed to be normal.
Subject shows sign of function, though no physical movement.
Procedure is success. Project VANTAS complete.
-
You’ve been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside you’re just a little baby
It’s okay to say you’ve got a weak spot
You don’t always have to be on top
Better to be hated than loved, loved, loved for what you’re not.
- I am not a robot, Marina and the Diamonds.
-
YOU NAME IS DAVE STRIDER and it is the year 2132. Not much has CHANGED really over the past HUNDRED YEARS OR SO except technology’s a LITTLE BETTER and there’s PROBABLY WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THIS GOD DAMNED PLANET but whatever.
You live in an APPARTMENT but that’s really nothing special. Who lives in HOUSES these days?
You live with your OLDER BROTHER but you may as well say that you LIVE ALONE because he’s rarely ever home these days. Your APARTMENT is full of WEIRD SHIT that mostly belongs to your brother, but the stuff you own is PRETTY COOL. You pride you TURNTABLES as they are a STATE-OF-THE-ART ANTIQUE. Okay, maybe your set isn’t antique, but turntables in general are pretty damn OLD. You set sit on a stand in your BEDROOM. You leave them on the stand unless you need them for a SPECIAL OCCASION because the HOVER FEATURE really KILLS THE POWER.
You also like to use your GRAPHICS SCREEN to draw REALLY SHITTY COMICS. You are pretty sure your BRO has an actual GRAPHICS TABLET lying around somewhere and you have NO IDEA AS TO WHY. Maybe he plans on PAWNING IT OFF in a couple years when its ANTIQUE VALUE goes up a bit.
You also like to SKATEBOARD, but you got BANNED from that by your BRO, because he got sick of AIR TRAFFIC POLICE knocking at the door to bring you home.
ONCE UPON A TIME people would have thought it CRAZY you’d have what they’d have called HOVERBOARDS and FLYING CARS by this day, but about FIFTY YEARS AGO there were some serious TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES which people are calling THE SECOND TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION.
Whenever your BRO comes home, you like to STRIFE on the roof. And the two of you like to strife OLD-STYLE, With SWORDS and shit. REAL swords too, meaning you have been sent to the HOSPITAL more than once due to many an INJURY acquired whist strifing, and over the years, you and you BRO have become VERY GOOD at making up reasons and LYING to the AUTHORITIES when they ask what happened. Usually, the excuse is that you FELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS as to which, each time your BRO responds with I WARNED YOU BOUT THE STAIRS BRO. I TOLD YOU DOG, which you HATE, because you said that in the first place in one of your COMICS.
TODAY HOWEVER, is just an ORDINARY DAY. You woke up this morning, ate some over-sugary cereal, had a shower, and have just been working on your raps and practising with your turntables.
Your bro has been gone for a few weeks now, but you’re not worried. He’s been gone for a lot longer before, and he can take perfectly good care of himself. Besides, Striders don’t worry.
You decide to take a break from the rapping and the turntables for a while and heat up something for lunch, which you eat out on your balcony overlooking the city.
The city air is cleaner where you are, and the gentle breeze is nice today, you eat this… whatever the fuck it is that you dug out of your freezer, whilst you lean against the railing.
You will never let on to anyone just how much you enjoy just standing here against the railing, relaxing in the breeze.
A while after you finish eating, you decide to go back inside, where you take back up your turntables for a while before deciding you are having an artistic block and leaving them again. You find yourself sitting in the lounge room with your iPad 37, logging on to Pesterchum. You really need a new computer, iPad 37’s are so god damn old. Pesterchum is the chat client you use. You use it ironically though, because it’s way too shitty to use unironically. It also hasn’t had a system update for a couple decades and is still on version 8.5.
You log on in the hopes of pestering your bro, John, about being bored, but you are left disappointed when you see he is not online. You do however, find that your good friend Rose is online, so you decide to pester her instead.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:32 --
TG: hey rose yo sup
TT: I am assuming you either want something or are incredibly bored.
TG: ouch that was a bit harsh
TT: You only start a conversation in that manner when one of the two aforementioned statements are true.
TG: oh shit wow you got me
TG: im fucking bored
TT: This is unusual; you are usually far too busy with your raps or your comics to talk to me at all.
TG: and the turntables you forgot the turntables
TT: Why is it you do not busy yourself with those activities to alleviate your boredom?
TT: Have you grown bored of them as well?
TG: nah, im having an artistic block you know cant do shit with any of that right now
TT: I would hardly call any of those things art, but I suppose it counts.
TG: hey my raps are artistic as shit Lalonde you think you can best me at this
TG: fight me 1v1 irl mother fucker
TT: I’m going to ignore that last line.
TG: aww you and me could have had some sick rap offs Lalonde
TG: could have been the greatest rap battle in history
TT: Yes I think I’ll have to pass on the rap battles.
TT: Anyhow, back to the topic at hand.
TG: what was the topic at hand again I forget
TT: Your boredom, Strider.
TG: oh yes this unellivieable bordem
TT: I’m not sure that’s a word, but go on.
TG: there is nothing to do here oh my god
TT: I’m sure there must be something.
TG: theres nothing
TG: nothing Lalonde nothing
TT: You have a computer. Use it. You have a million video games. Play them. You can even watch TV.
TG: nothingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
TT: Okay, now you’re either being unnecessarily dramatic or you’re set out to annoy me.
TG: did you know we actually have a tv
TT: Strider, I think everyone has a TV.
TG: no I mean like an actual legit tv, no holographic screens, no voice control, no internet streaming, an actual TV
TT: Are you being serious?
TG: yes, bro has it stashed away somewhere
TT: Well that is interesting. I have never been lucky enough to see a TV before; you must send me a picture.
TG: I don’t know where hes got it it could be halfway to mars right now.
You are just about to star typing a super long rant about TVs on mars and how you don’t have a fucking clue where your bro hides his shit when you are interrupted by the familiar tone that plays whenever you get a new message on Pesterchum.
TG: hang on ill be back someone just messaged me
TT: Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.
You switch windows to see an unfamiliar chumhandle in the tab header. Someone must have been using the random encounter feature.
-- vantasProject [VP] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:53 --
The chat box remained blank for a few minutes. You decide to type something first. If they don’t answer, it’s their loss.
TG: hey
VP: hey
So they were just waiting for you.
TG: sup
VP: sup
TG: I asked you first man
VP: I asked you first man
TG: dude don’t copy me not cool
VP: dude don’t copy me not cool
TG: are you fucking okay?
VP: are you fucking okay?
TG: dude stop it or im out of here
VP: dude stop it or im out of here
Wow this guy just doesn’t know when to quit does he? Fucking trolls.
TG: you are fucked up okay just fuck off
VP: you are fucked up okay just fuck off
TG: im trying to talk to someone here I don’t have time for this bullshit
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering vantasProject [VP] at 11:59
VP: not cool
You close down the chat window again after they type that last message. What a loser.
TG: yo rose I’m back
TT: Anyone interesting talk to you?
TG: just some douchebag spamming anyone with the random encounters turned on
TG: he wouldn’t fucking stop copying me
TT: I see, how strange.
TG: its not strange they were a fucking troll Im sick of getting a bunch of trolls out of no where on the internet
TT: You say “Troll” and I’m imagining some horrid beast leaping out of your computer after you.
TG: ha ha funny lalonde.
TT: Anyhow, I must go. I have some… business, to attend to.
TG: aww fuck that shit don’t go ill be bored again
TT: You could always try trolling the troll.
TG: ha fuck that.
TT: Goodbye, Dave.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:05 --
Well fuck.
It looks like you’re gonna have to play video games again.
The Sims 14 it is.