Chapter Text
Regulus is in his fifth year at Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. Top of all his classes, brightest wizard of his generation. Beloved by all professors, known by most, liked by few.
He is the son of the most noble house of Black, who after his graduation, would be married off. As he was the now only heir to the Black family.
His older brother, who now is considered disowned for legal purposes. Was in his Sixth year and was arguably the most popular boy in school.
Sort after by both boys and girls, being seen at parties every other night, snogging someone he didn’t know. Anything to escape his troubles.
Regulus did not talk to or about his estranged Brother, no matter how many times people asked him, his tolerance varying on whether they were his friend or not.
Regulus also did not under any circumstances, socialise with or speak with anyone who called themselves a “Marauder”.
He partially did not like Sirius’s closest friend, James Potter. Potter had taken Sirius from him.
Sirius had fled to the Potter home after a particularly violent argument with their mother, he had been left alone in that home with his mother. And it was all James’s fault. Sirius had now been living with them for almost a year, and it seemed he had everything.
While Regulus fought for his life by himself, not even his friends were aware of what he was doing, they had no need to.
He was going to be forced to take the dark mark eventually, he knew he could not escape his parents will. They need not know the sacrifices he was making to keep all he loved safe.
He had a tight-nit friend group, who cared about him deeply, Pandora, Dorcas, Evan and Barty.
Some of them shared a similar fate to him, their lives to be devoted to The Dark Lord. Some more willingly than others.
Barty didn’t particularly agree with Death Eaters on any fronts, but would do anything to stick it to his Father.
His father if Regulus did say so himself, was a stuck-up prick. A true businessman, always telling Barty he needed to change something, to do better, be better.
And while Barty might not be a Death Eater in his way of thinking, he would take anyway out of his father's plans.
Be that the Death Eater’s, or death itself.
Evan, on the other hand, was like him. His family were part of The Dark Lords close circle, some of his most trusted followers. Evan had no wish to join the ranks of the Dark Lord more than Regulus did. But Evan would do anything to please his parents, so Regulus assumed he would end up a Death Eater one way or another.
Dorcas and Pandora were the luckiest of the bunch, their families were not connected to the Dark Lord in any manner. Meaning they could live their lives however they wanted.
How Regulus envied them, knowing they had something he could never have, a choice.
Bart in some sense feel under the category of “choice” although Barty’s decision was between was one hell and another. So, Regulus never resented Barty for his decision.
Fingers snapped in his face, making his flinch backwards.
*•*
“Gonna come back to the present, Reggie?” Barty asked, one hand on his hips while snapping at Regulus still.
Regulus groaned, pushing Barty away from him with one hand, Barty didn’t budge.
“Why are you always disappearing on us?” Demaned Barty, eyebrows furrowed and crossing his arms over his chest.
“It’s nothing, Barty, drop it.” Regulus said dismissively.
“No! Seriously Reggie, you’re worrying us all!” Barty shouted, waving his arms around dramatically, gesturing to his friends. Who were scattered around the room.
Dorcas awkwardly nodded from her armchair, her legs tucked under her, holding her mug of tea. (Which came from Pandora who had been handing cups of tea to the group.)
The rest followed in Dorcas’s footsteps, nodding along, even though half of them weren’t quite sure what was happening.
“Yeah, Reg, you can talk to us,” Pandora said kindly, her eyes softening, “you know that right?”
Regulus sighed, dragging his hands down his face.
“Im fine you guys, Im just tired.” Regulus insisted, bring his hands up defensively.
Barty glared at him suspiciously, but thankfully dropped the subject, moving his attention to Evan.
He dropped to the floor, leaning against the couch Regulus sat on.
“Anyways, Evan, tell us about that Sybil girl from divination class.” Barty asked, his voice was sweeter than it had been with Regulus.
Regulus had always suspected Barty had been enamoured with Evan, though he would never tell Evan. Regulus believed this was because Barty wasn’t aware that he was completely head over heels for Evan. They were going to be the death of him.
Pandora shifted were she sat, dropping her head to focus on the tea pot in her hands that had been forgotten during the recent conversation, Regulus looked closer at he face and noticed that she was blushing.
“Pandora, is there something you want to tell us about her?” Regulus teased, Regulus knew she had been crushing hard on Sybil Trelawny.
“No, I don’t know what you mean, I barely know Sybil.” Pandora said far to quickly, flustered by the sudden attention.
“Oh~ someone’s got a crush.” Barty singsonged, tucking his knees to his chest, grinning widely at Pandora.
Pandora deflated in her seat.
“It’s okay,” reassured Dorcas, “I think you and Trelawny would be perfect for each other.”
“You think so?” Pandora said eagerly, her eyes bright as she turned to face Dorcas.
“Definitely.” Dorcas nodded.
Regulus couldn’t help but agree, Pandora had always been on the weirder side, always seeming to be off in her own world, talking about different made-up creatures that she cared about deeply. Sybil also was an odd girl, wearing big glasses and never seen without a deck of tarot. She was particularly interested in divination. Their strangeness would be a good combination.
“Yeah Pands.” Evan agreed, smiling softly at her.
“Thanks, you guys.” Pandora said cheerily, her grin so wide her eyes scrunched up.
*•*
Regulus slumped in his chair.
“No, Barty, for the last time. I would not love you if you were a worm.” Regulus sighed, Barty had been very insistent about his worm question. Talking non-stop of the different ways he could still be useful as a worm.
“Well, that is just rude, Black.” Barty said haughtily, cutting up his steak on his place.
Regulus rolled his eyes, turning away from Barty and pushed his peas around his plate.
Dorcas tapped on his plate with her knife.
“Eat.” Dorcas demanded, taking another mouthful off her plate.
Regulus kept eye contact with her while he took a large spoonful of peas.
Regulus wasn’t hungry, in fact he wanted to throw his plate against the wall. He could see Sirius staring him down from the other side of the hall, his eyes never leaving him.
Regulus met his gaze, just as quickly dropping it. His intense gaze making Regulus feel nauseous.
“You, okay?” Evan asked, his eyebrows crinkled in concern.
Regulus dropped his cutlery onto the table with a clatter.
“Yes! Why does everyone keep asking me that?!” Regulus snapped, wiping the corners of his mouth with his serviette.
The group fell silent, all looking around at each other with a mix of pity and understanding.
Pandora reached out to touch his hand.
“We just want to make sure your okay.” Pandora said sweetly.
Regulus hated to feel like people needed to keep checking up on him, he didn’t want people to keep asking questions, when he couldn’t ever tell them.
Regulus worked up the courage to look across the hall again, to see Sirius was no longer sat at the table.
He was instead, rapidly, crossing the room to where Regulus was sat.
Regulus hung his head, with a groan. He didn’t have the energy to talk with his brother. Talking to Sirius would never get easier for him, knowing he had lost him twice. When he went to Hogwarts, and when he left that house.
Sirius was now stood right in front of him, Regulus refused to meet his gaze. He couldn’t, if he did, he was pretty sure he would get a lump in his throat and be unable to speak. He just couldn’t handle that.
“Sirius.” Regulus grumbled, he could feel Sirius staring him down.
“Regulus.” Sirius said coldly, returning his attitude.
Sirius put a poster in front of him; it was decorated with large gold lettering and maroon borders.
It read:
“Pair Matching,
Find your perfect match with this detailed workshop on patronus’s and self understanding.
Join us in the Gryffindor common room every Saturday for two weeks 5-6pm!”
“Sirius, why are you giving me this?” Regulus asked, finally meeting Sirius’s eyes. His eyes weren’t cruel like he expected them to be. Like he had almost hoped they would, it would be easier, safer.
“You deserve more than this,” Sirius said gesturing to around to everything. He sounded genuine but Regulus was still confused on a lot of things.
“I don’t know, Sirius.” Regulus said uneasily.
Sirius touched his hand, “please, if you won’t go for yourself, go for me?”
That wasn’t fair, but Sirius didn’t usually play fair.
“I’ll think about it.” He said but Sirius was already headed off back to his table.
“That was weird.” Evan muttered.
“You’re telling me.” Replied Regulus, stabbing a pea with his fork.
*•*
Regulus crawled into bed, a book on his lap and the strange invitation next to it.
He studied the note carefully, paying particular attention to the word “partonus” the word had sounded familiar to him.
He flipped through the pages of the book, until he got to the chapter on Partonus’s.
He read scanned the chapter for anything important, his eyes fell on a particular paragraph that caught his attention.
“A partronus is often used to ward off dementors, scaring them off from a witch or wizard. Usually this is only used in times of distress though patronus’s do have other purposes. To cast a patronus a person should think of their happiest memory and cats “Expecto Patronum.” Although defence Is not the only use for the spell. Patronus’s matches with a person's soulmate. Binding them together through magically means, these connections are usually formed before birth and cannot be changed.”
He slammed the book shut, he was supposed to find out his soulmate from some stupid Gryffindor event? No way.
He would not let his future be decided by some dumb spell. If probably wasn’t true anyways. Right?
He turned onto his side, flipping his blanket over himself. He stared at the wall like he was trying to burn a hole through it.
He sighed and turned over onto his other side.
He had to admit he was a little bit curious, but it would be a truly humiliating experience.
What if no one cast the same as him? What if it was some dumb prank Sirius had pulled,
W
H
A
T
I
F
?
He spent the night tossing and turning, he had a few days till Saturday. Surely that was enough time for him to decide. It had to be. Not knowing was not an option.
On one hand he would do anything to get Sirius back.
On the other, it was a humiliating event, he would rather not have to attend.
Maybe he could fake an illness, or maybe an excessive amount of homework.
He heard Bart snoring from the bed beside his own, he wished he could sleep with such ease.
Mulling over decision did not sound as wonderful as peaceful, delicious, heavenly sleep.
What he would give to sleep like a normal person.
He had always had sleeping issues, ever since he was a child.
When he was younger he would climb into his brother’s bed when he couldn’t sleep, he would spend ages stumbling around in the dark to make it to Sirius’s bed.
Whenever he was there Sirius would never complain, tucking him in and letting him stay the night. He would always sleep peacefully then.
That had stopped when he was about five, he had slept well for a few years, but now all he could do was lay awake at night and think.
It had gotten particularly worse when Sirius had left. Being plagued with nightmares and anxiety about sleep, kept him up most nights.
He groaned into his pillow, thrashing around at the blankets that felt like they were trapping him.
He swung his legs out of bed and let his feet fall to the floor.
He walked to his trunk, unlatching the locks with a simple motion. He pushed the heavy lid open and began to rummage through the contents of his bag.
He eventually found what he was looking for, a vile of clear liquid. He swished it around in the bottle, watching the way the liquid moved.
He uncapped the lip and downed the potion in one go.
It was rare he actually took potions for sleeping, since they caused such strange dreams. But tonight, he felt it was necessary.
He stumbled back to bed, already feeling the effects of the potion.
The moment his head hit the pillow he was unconscious, floating off to a land of dreams, some good. Some bad.
*•*
Regulus dreamed of falling, he was high up in a building somewhere, he hadn’t fallen, had been pushed, he had watched as his brother pushed him form where he stood.
He watched his face as he fell, there was no shame in his eyes. Just a cold determination, his screams made no difference he fell hard and fast.
He flailed mid air, desperate to fine something, anything to hold onto.
His hands met air as he continued to fall.
He was about to hit hard pavement when the dream shifted.
*•*
He was three years old. Sirius was putting a Band-Aid on him while he cried.
“It’s only a scrapped knee, Reggie, you’ll be okay!” Sirius reassured him brightly, wiping his tears with his fat fingers. Which were slightly sticky from sweat.
As soon as the Band-Aid was on Sirius jumped up, running off to the field of grass.
“Come one, Reggie!” He called turning around to look at Regulus.
Regulus wiped his snotty nose on his puffer jacket sleeve, giggling as he chased after Sirius.
They played in the cold and ind until both of them were had chattering teeth and bright red noses. The pair of them grinning like loons.
“I’ll always be here to take care of you, Reg.” Sirius promised, squeezing Regulus’s hand.
If only that had been true.
Regulus woke to a cold feeling, and it was not because of the dream he had, had. But the ache it left in its wake, leaving a dull throbbing in his chest.
He lay staring at the ceiling until he had to get up.
He was still in the room with his head resting on his pillow as night turned into day.
And he would still be there, Sirius of not.