Chapter Text
A lazy breeze slipped through the rolled down windows of Shoko’s car, rustling your hair as you soaked in the view of the surrounding forest spilling over with bright green foliage. Giant oak trees towered over the navy blue crosshatch, allowing glimpses of the warm sun through unfurled leaves.
A Paramore song from the carefully curated CD you made for the trip bumped from the speakers as Utahime hummed along in the passenger seat, lazily tapping her manicured finger against the car door panel.
“We’re about ten out,” Shoko reported from the driver's seat, turning the music down a smidge before she spoke.
“Ugh, so excited,” Yuki murmured from the backseat, to which you wordlessly agreed, legs sprawled over hers. “We’ve deserved this break since the stupid semester started. Senior-itis is killing me.”
“Literally!” Utahime sighed as she turned to face the two of you. “At least it’s our last semester before graduation. Then it’s off to the real world.”
You gasped, sitting up to swat the passenger headrest. Utahime shrieked playfully and ducked away.
“Don’t say that ‘Hime! It sounds so serious.”
”Wayyy too serious,” agreed Shoko with a shudder.
“But hey, at least we can escape people we hate after getting out of here,” you half joked. “I thought that during spring break I’d be able to get a taste of that feeling but...”
Brown eyes glanced at yours in the rearview mirror. “Is… is he still showing up?”
You gathered your hair in your hands, releasing it over one shoulder while exhaling.
“Yeah... I thought he wasn’t but uh, Suguru texted me before we left. Wanted to warn me I guess. So, shout out to Suguru… yay…”
Utahime’s face whipped between you to a now groaning Shoko. “He’s coming? No!”
“That fucking jerkwad,” Yuki muttered, dragging both hands down her face so that her under eyes stretched. “This trip was supposed to be fun.”
“And it still will be,” you assured your friends, painted nails fumbling amongst themselves in your lap. “Let’s all be… normal about this. Hopefully Satoru will take the hint too.”
As much as you tried to believe your words, you knew it wasn’t by any means true. Even for yourself.
You had broken up with Satoru Gojo two months ago, concluding a three year relationship so the wound was definitely still fresh. It was during a stupid squabble early on in the semester. Something utterly and ridiculously minor that would have typically been squashed with a simple joke about how you ‘still love his pretty face,’ and then you’d make out and fumble your way to the bedroom and everything would be fixed.
But for some reason, the both of you were on edge that day.
Satoru said something so insignificant that you can’t even remember it two months later, but in the moment it set you off like a ticking time bomb. And once you had gotten going, there was no stopping you.
So after a heated argument and barrage of accusations about ‘how you weren’t being heard’ and that ‘he never took you seriously’ and how he and his Digimon and jokes should ‘just fuck off,’ the two of you split. Looking back on it, you should have held off until the trip was over to break up with his ass but it truly was what felt right in the heat of the moment.
Embarrassing? Yes. Justifiable? Also yes.
Things never resolved after that, not really anyway. You two had planned on being endgame, so the idea of closure wasn’t something the two of you expected to face. It felt too… finite. So you just didn't. The last time you'd seen the boy was when he had stopped by your dorm to collect his things. You both didn't say much then.
So there you were, on a spring break weekend trip to your friend Suguru Geto’s lake house, preparing yourself to see your ex, who was CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS with Suguru. Like, hello?
The odds of him skipping this vacation were never in your favor. It sounded so ridiculous to have hoped he wouldn’t show, so when you got the text from Suguru disclosing that Satoru would be making an appearance, you couldn’t help but wring your own neck.
Breaking up with him at this time was not your best decision. But nonetheless you had to face it. Unresolved relationship and all.
The car rolled and crunched through the gravel driveway of the two story stone lined house. Pine trees surrounded the gorgeous wooden architecture, swaying in the subtle breeze. A winding side porch led to a landscaped garden and a gorgeous, vast lake, waves sparkling underneath the hot sun. Two canoes were stacked face down against each other in a crafted boat rack, the deep mahogany wood lightened from years in the sun.
On the top floor was a deck outfitted with outdoor string lights, a grill and lawn chairs while loud music bumped from a speaker. The sliding door leading to the porch opened, revealing a talkative herd of guys. Your eyes instinctively scanned the group looking for him, but he wasn’t up there with the rest.
Suguru was the first to notice your arrival, happily waving at the car with a beer in his tattooed grasp.
”Took you girls long enough!” he greeted, cupping a hand around his mouth. He turned to head back into the house, presumably to meet the vehicle downstairs. Nanami Kento- a junior, but an honorary member of the friend group nonetheless- leaned over the porch handrail, yelling out a hello before doing the same.
Shoko parked next to a white car and you immediately swallowed hard.
It was Satoru’s.
The music in Shoko's car cut off and you forced yourself to keep moving, opening the door and blinking rapidly at the bright midafternoon sun.
"Ugh, my back,” Yuki groaned, hopping out of the car to help Shoko pop the trunk.
Suguru walked out of the side porch’s door with Choso Kamo and Nanami in tow, toying with his multi-pierced ear before opening his arms.
“Long time no see!” Shoko said, arms stretching over her head before hoisting a large case from the back of the car.
You gave the boys a huge hug, overjoyed to see your friends, and for a brief moment you forgot about the looming predicament you were in.
“How was the drive?” Suguru asked, quickly hefting the giant suitcase from Shoko’s arms into his own with ease.
“Long but totally worth it. It’s gorgeous out here, Suguru,” Utahime said as she closed the passenger car door, shading her eyes with her hands and squinting at the house.
You nodded, pulling down at your athletic skirt. “Literally! That lakefront view? Makes the journey so worthwhile.”
“Ah, thanks. She’s kinda a family heirloom. My grandparents, my parents, now me,” he explained, turning back with you to look at the real estate.
Suguru continued talking, saying something or another about what was for dinner, but your focus completely rattled at the sight of the porch door opening.
Your breath caught at the sight of soft ivory hair, long toned legs and a lazy smile. Fuck.
There he was.
And you hated that he looked good.
A baggy white graphic t-shirt and blue jorts flowed in the breeze as he stepped outside, pushing a hand through his hair. Round black sunglasses glinted in the sunlight as they hid bright blue eyes you knew all too well.
When you first met, Satoru was what many women would call, “a work in progress.” He never stood out, jokes clumsily misplaced and small talk always awkward. He never was the type to dress well before you- in your humble opinion, and seeing the potential in him when you were at a talking stage was the catalyst that led to getting him cleaned up while you first started dating.
Seeing him now was like looking at a byproduct of your laborious work, only for it to be thrown right back in your face.
Before you could compose yourself, you blew out a heavy breath. You had prepared yourself and braced for impact, yet the sight of him after no communication for two months affected you way more than you thought it would.
Your attention immediately went elsewhere, trying to find another place to hold your eyes that wasn’t in his general vicinity. Suguru intercepted your gaze for a second, a nonverbal check in that you wish you could convince him everything was 100% cool.
But you never were a good liar.
You kept a neutral enough look on your face as he approached, already entertaining everyone with a joke that you didn’t pick up fast enough.
Suguru snorted, pushing Satoru on the shoulder as he grinned. Your lips pulled into a thin line as Satoru scanned the four of you, eyes gliding past your own with ease like he didn’t even know you.
It irked you, unfortunately.
You weren’t quite sure why, nor did you want to put a finger on it but your lips folded in on themselves at the passive glance. Here you were telling your girls to save face, yet you couldn’t keep your own.
“Happy to see you guys,” he hummed, sipping on his beer.
He still didn’t look at you.
Your girlfriends forced out polite smiles, none of them making it to their eyes. No matter how hard they tried to suppress their distaste for your sake, it was so, so obvious that they couldn't stand him. It was almost funny.
Unfortunately, Satoru- though dorky at times- excelled at reading a room. It was one of the things you like about him... Liked.
With a goofy smile, he lifted his hands in mock surrender, palms facing the girls like he was under arrest.
“Whew. 87 degrees out and I still feel cold. Jeez, did I do something wrong?”
The brief jab made you wrinkle your nose but the whole group laughed off the pointed comment.
“Let me help with those bags, yeah?” He offered, brushing past you like nothing and grabbing a few things from the trunk. “The sooner you guys unpack the sooner you can grab a drink, let's go!”
-
Suguru flipped the hotdogs and burgers on the grill, tossing cheese slices on the patties before closing the hatch.
”Dinner ready in two! Get your hungry asses out here!”
After settling in, the eight of you sprawled out along the glowing porch. You, Utahime and Shoko sat on a picnic blanket, Choso shared a lawn chair with Yuki on his lap, Nanami was crisscrossed in a seat, and Suguru and Satoru were chilling right next to each other. Fireflies had begun to emerge from the forest, blinking in and out while the sun set on the horizon.
The white haired boy made sure to sit far across from you, still acting like you were invisible. You wet your lips, distracting yourself by looking off into the vast horizon.
Why was his ignorance bothering you so fucking much?
”You good?” Shoko softly asked, nudging you. She must have felt something radiating from your side of the blanket as you stewed in thought.
Blinking a few times, you shrugged.
”I’m fine? I think?” you responded unconvincingly. Your brow furrowed, unsatisfied with your vague answer.
The sun had been setting over the lake before dinner commenced, casting an orange and purple glow in the water. The stereo, once playing loud, bumping music, settled down for a mid volume queue of an MGMT playlist. The sound of college students cackling interrupted the songs occasionally as you walked through nostalgia filled moments together, plates piled high with burgers, hotdogs and chips.
Yuki laughed out loud at her own story, almost falling out of her seat. While catching her breath, Choso silently looped an arm around her waist to steady her.
“I swear, Nanami thought he was fucking dying! I’m not sure how many milligrams Choso gave him, but I’ve never seen someone green out that fast! Ever!”
Nanami shook his head, grimacing at the memory with a smile nonetheless. “I was high for the next two days.”
”My bad, man,” Choso said, biting back a grin of his own as everyone laughed.
”I’ll never smoke or take an edible with Cho. Fuck that. Not after Mai Zenin’s party,” Satoru chimed in, leaning back in his chair. “She’d asked for him to make-“
"-it was Maki’s.”
All eyes- except Satoru’s- went to you.
It wasn’t unusual for you to correct Satoru. You had always been his ‘wrangler’ when he’d start going on tangents about his nerdy interests or make a mistake whilst retelling a story- even if you weren’t there at the time of the event occurring, you could decipher Satoru’s warped and hyperbolic reality versus the real one. You would always butt in to edit the story as he spoke, a gentle hand tapping against his thigh whenever he got a factoid wrong.
But now, it was just… weird and catty.
The buzz of cicadas filled the lack of words in the once chipper air as you blinked a few times, you cheeks growing hot.
“I swear it was Maki’s. That was the party… with the brownies…” your voice trailed away, embarrassed.
Despite the fact that you were right (because you and Satoru had gone to the party together), you didn’t quite know why you interjected. Maybe it was because you were trying to get him back for that little diss he had snuck this morning. Maybe.
But maybe it was your body responding before your brain did, like it was old times, failing to remember that you didn’t have that kind of dynamic together anymore.
You decided at that moment that option A was an easier choice to stomach, but what a shitty attempt at getting back at him it was, because now you just looked overbearing. Raining on everyone’s fun.
Dare you even say ‘crazy ex girlfriend?’
The thought of that stuffy title crossing any of your friend’s minds genuinely made you sick, yet you can’t stand whenever he does it because you know that he knows how much that bullshit works your nerves. Ugh.
But still.
Everyone was still looking at you, worriedly.
You knew that trying to fight fire with fire was not the right way to do it. You had to be mature, so you conceded and retreated back into yourself. You softly smiled before clearing your throat, mumbling something like an apology and urging Satoru to continue.
The story began all over again, this time with Maki’s name, which made everyone force out a small chuckle to keep the good vibes going.
As Satoru went on, you brought your knees to your chest and hugged yourself, boring a hole into the wooden floor with your eyes.
-
Satoru was trying his damn best to not look at you all night.
It was petty, and he knew it too but… well, you dumped him.
What else was he to do?
He finished the remainder of the story, basking in his friend’s laughter while shaking his head about Mai-…Maki’s party fiasco, but he still felt unfulfilled. It probably was because of you. Blegh. He felt like he couldn’t relax without you reeling at every fucking joke he made. You were being so… so…
Satoru quietly began to pick around on his plate, pressing down on potato chip crumbs with the pad of his finger before letting them drop.
Okay… so that wasn’t exactly how he completely felt about you in the moment.
Satoru’s jaw flexed as he stared at his plate.
Thinking about how badly he kept fucking up every chance he had of keeping pleasantries with you made him want to kick his own shin. It was like a defense mechanism to reject a simple ‘hello?’ Or ‘how have you been?’ from coming out of his mouth, opting instead to make a stupid joke at your expense that was too harsh and real to be considered funny.
It wasn’t even like he was trying to piss you off with his jarring comments but they just kept spilling out, tossing themselves in your direction haphazardly, waiting for a clever reply or…
or anything really.
He used to love when you’d humble him, glaring at him with love still somehow in your adoring eyes. You were always taking charge of your shared conversations whenever he teased you too much, shutting him up with a quip or a cheeky kiss if he was lucky.
But now…
now you balled your face up, softly dropped your shoulders, or did absolutely nothing in retaliation.
The only ounce of ‘umph’ you dished back (if it could even be called that) was a few minutes ago when you had interrupted him.
Even that didn’t make him feel great per se, seeing your face so solemn and bunched. You looked guilty as all hell.
Satoru found his gaze wandering around the porch, to the bright yellow string lights, to the horizon, to Yuki and Utahime, deep in conversation. Then, unconsciously, settling on you.
Your hair fell off your shoulder, the breeze tickling the strands gently as you chewed on your bottom lip, a little quirk you had whenever you were deep in thought. He watched as you scrunched a brow, leaning onto your palms before murmuring something into Shoko’s ear, too quiet to be heard over the music.
You both agreed and giggled before you returned to the remains of your food. Long lashes pointed downwards as you cutely nibbled on a piece of hot dog bun from the plate in your lap.
You looked pretty.
Satoru felt like he could think that, at least. It was an objective fact, with your windswept hair, soft lips and tiny blue tank top.
He tilted his head, eyes subtly grazing over your once familiar form.
When you were together, he liked when you wore that specific shade of blue. People would always tell you guys that tank in particular perfectly matched his eyes. Speaking of eyes…
Yours flicked up and landed right on his, full of surprise and discomfort upon the realization that you were being watched.
By him.
Satoru quickly yanked his gaze from you, snatching up his beer and taking a looooong sip while trying to ignore the way his ears burned out of embarrassment.
To seal the deal, he yawned with a languid stretch, muttering something stupid about you to Suguru before laughing entirely way too hard.
Suguru didn’t even return the favor really, chuckling slightly with an amused expression on his face before rejoining his conversation with Nanami.
Out of the corner of Satoru’s peripheral, he saw you bristle at the sound of his mockery and your eyes didn’t return to him.
Satoru’s weakened laughter trickled away shortly after as he pursed his lips, thumbing the silver tab on his beer while his gaze fell to the floor.
He doesn’t know why he antagonized you again at that moment. No matter how hard he tried, it still didn’t make him feel any better. Quite the opposite, actually. The once imperceptible pit in his stomach deepened into something nauseating, especially as he watched you lean your head onto Shoko’s shoulder, deflated.
-
You stood in the shared bedroom you had been assigned to with Yuki, but she was downstairs with Choso and Utahime at the moment. Replacing her for the time being was Shoko, who was helping you unpack your clothes and put them in the dresser drawer.
You weren’t carrying your weight in the project, however. For the past twenty minutes, you were pacing back and forth next to the twin sized beds, arms tightly folded.
“-and he kept taunting me at dinner, staring at me and shit… ughhhhohhh my god! Like holy shit, do we have a problem?”
Shoko tilted her head. “I mean you did break up with him so-“
“It was mutual Shoko! I mean. Kind of. Also-” you cut yourself off, recrossing your arms as you turned to look at her. “Whose side are you on?”
Shoko gave you a look that read as a ‘really?’ and put a pair of shorts in the mahogany drawer. You sighed, flopping back on the bed’s thick quilt.
“I just thought he’d be less smart-alecky about this. Not that he’s childish, he’s not. But… what the hell am I even saying? Whatever.”
”Whatever?” Shoko echoed with a smile, as if you hadn’t been ranting for the last twenty minutes.
”Yes, Shoko. Whatever.” You tossed a stray sock at her and she laughed. “I need to follow my own words and focus on having fun. I’m done moping.”
Shoko looked at you with a soft smile. After finishing with your tops, she joined you on the bed, mattress bowing inwards as she wrapped an arm around you.
“He’s a jerk. You know it. I know it,” she said, thumbing your shoulder. “And I agree. Let him be an asshole. If you really feel like beating his ass, give me a holler I’ve got your back.”
The two of you giggled softly before Shoko soon departed, leaving you in the room to yourself. You sighed, leaning against the headboard of the bed as you hugged yourself tightly. The soft smile on your face waned just a bit as the mental image of catching Satoru’s soft blue eyes staring at you during dinner played like a never ending loop in your head.