Archive of Our Own

It was quiet in Shauna hut.

Not the peace that comes with peace of mind, but the oppressive silence that occurs between two thunderclaps. Only Shauna quiet breathing—slow, rhythmic—gave this shelter signs of life. The wooden walls, held together by ropes and desperation, trembled in the wind, as if they felt that someone was coming.

Melissa entered as if she were at home.

His bare feet made no sound on the ground, and his arms hung limply at his sides.

Shauna jumped up as if stung.

"Who the hell do you want?" "Stop it!" she shouted, and her voice cracked.

She looked at Melissa, and there was no fear in her gaze. I was just tired. Fatigue from fighting. From the need to be strong, when everything inside has been burned out for a long time.

Then her gaze drifted to Melissa's hand.

I saw a stick. She grinned.

— Have you come to finish what you started? "What is it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. —

Honey, you're late. I was supposed to finish this. Long ago.

Melissa didn't answer. She just came closer.

Her footsteps were heavy, as if each of them was tearing up the ground. She stopped a step away from Shauna. Her eyes—deep, blue, like the sky above the forest before the rain—did not blink.

"You didn't want to kill me,— Melissa said softly. — But also to miss... You couldn't.

Shauna rolled her eyes.

"Going at it again?" You're not special, Melissa. If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead in the gutter by now. I missed. Do you want to know why? Because I was... whatever. You're already dead. You don't even realize it.

Melissa didn't look away. Only her lips twitched—not in a smile, but in a spasm.

"You should have killed me,— she said.

She turned around. She went out.

Shauna remained standing in the middle of the hut, blinking.

She waited. I was waiting for Melissa to come back. That she would come in with a knife, with fire, with madness in her eyes. That she would finish what she started in that forest with a stick to her throat. When she thought: let her die, and let it be my sin.

But Melissa didn't come back.

She was leaving.

Simply.Noiselessly.Forever.

And at that moment, Shauna realized: no. This is not the end.

Melissa wants to finish what Shauna started.

She ran out of the hut.

Van and Tai stood by the campfire, tapping their knuckles and talking. When they saw her, they fell silent. They looked at her strangely. But Shauna didn't care. She ran.

Towards Lottie.

She stood rooted to the spot in a white dress that had long since lost its color. Her eyes are closed, as if in a dream. The face is calm. Almost sacred.

—Lottie, get the hell out of my way," Shauna hissed.

Lottie didn't open her eyes. She just shook her head slowly.

"Melissa chose it. She doesn't want to be a part of the forest. She doesn't believe in wildlife. She doesn't see the signs. She will leave of her own free will. As it should be.

— Fuck you!  Shauna pushed her away.

Lottie fell, but she didn't scream. She just watched Shono until she disappeared into the trees.

Melissa was sitting by the stream.

Where they used to wash clothes together. Where Jen tried to fish with his hands. Where Marie laughed, saying it was "silly but sweet."

Now there's silence.

Melissa was holding a small knife in her hands. Shauna knife. The one for which she had made the sheath herself out of deerskin dried by the campfire.

Then Shauna said: "Why would I do that? I'm not a dummy." And Melissa replied:

"Because what you need to know is that someone cares about keeping you safe."

Painful irony.

"Do you really want to leave like this?"  Shaunashouted, running over.

Melissa looked up.

There was no light in them. No pain. No rage. Only fatigue, so deep that it seemed as if her soul had dried up long ago.

"You're so pathetic,— Shaunasaid in a trembling voice. "You're leaving like a defeated man." Like a shadow. Silently. Without a fight.

Melissa laughed softly.

The laughter was soundless. Only his lips moved.

"Do you know which one of us is the more pathetic?" "What is it?" she asked. "You."

Shauna froze.

— You were so afraid of being just a good person that you became a bitch. I was afraid of being in Jackie's shadow, and that's why I ruined everything I could. You're afraid now. You're afraid I'll leave. You're afraid to be alone. You're afraid that no one will love you. You're afraid they won't save you. You're afraid, and yet most of all you're afraid of dying.

But I'm not.

She raised the knife.

Shauna saw the knife. The hand that touched him every day. A scabbard that Melissa made with such tenderness, as if she were giving not a tool, but her heart.

"You're not going to kill yourself," Shauna whispered. - no. Not now. Not after everything.

"I don't have anyone else here,— Melissa said. "They're all dead. I envy you.

—For what?"  Shauna shouted. "What do I see, Jackie?" That I see ghosts? That I'm going crazy?! It's not envy, it's pity!

Akilah. Even Mari. Just for a second. Even in a dream.

A tear rolled down her cheek. One. Only from the left eye. It's as if the right one has long forgotten what pain is.

"I'm tired, Shauna,— she whispered.

— I'm tired of fighting with something that will never come back.

The knife touched his chest.

Under the ribs. Where the heart is.

"I won't let you go!"  Shauna shouted, rushing forward.

She grabbed Melissa's wrist with such force that the bone cracked. The knife fell into the mud.

"You have no right!"  Shauna screamed, shaking her by the shoulders. "You can't just leave!" Not after everything we've been through! Not after you... like you...

She stopped talking. The voice broke.

Melissa was looking at her.

And suddenly she smiled. A real, warm smile.

It was as if for a moment the girl who had laughed at Ty's jokes, wove wreaths of wildflowers, hugged Shauna on the first day at camp and said, "We will survive. Together."

"I loved you,— Melissa said softly. "Not the way you think.

Not passionately. But it's quiet.

Without words.

How the forest loves rain. How the wind loves silence. I loved you, Shauna.

And that's why I'm leaving.

Because you have to live. I have to get out.

I have to become someone I didn't dare to be.

Shauna shrank back.

Tears were streaming down her face. Rough, bruised, but still handsome. It was as if there was still hope in her. Even if she didn't believe in it herself.

"Don't you dare," she whispered. "Don't you dare say that now. Don't you dare walk away with this.

"I'm not leaving,— Melissa said. "I'm relieved."

She raised her hand. She touched Shauna's face. My fingers were shaking.

"Please,— Shauna said. "Stay here.

She was looking up at the sky.

And at that moment, there was a sound.

A rumble.

Persistent, growing.

Helicopters.

They came.

Salvation.

Civilization.

The end of the nightmare.

Melissa slowly lowered her hand.

"See? "What is it?" she whispered. "They've come for you." Not for me.

Shauna grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her towards her.

"We'll go together!" Do you hear that? together!

But Melissa just shook her head.

And for the first time in a long time, she began to cry. Loudly. Like a child. Like someone who no one had time to save.

Shauna hugged her. Tight. The way I've never hugged anyone.

She hugged Melissa to her, as if she could hold her in this world with just the power of hugs.

"I won't leave you," she whispered. "I'm not leaving." I'm not Jackie. I won't leave you.

And at that moment, a helicopter hovered over the treetops.

Melissa," she said. "If I tell you.".. That I love you... Would you believe it?

Melissa looked at her.

And she smiled.

— I believed you when you rushed to save me.

Even if you didn't know you were saving me.

Shauna squeezed her hand.

Twenty years later.

Melissa was sitting by the window in her apartment.

There is a city outside the window. Cars. People. Screams.

Life.

There's a scar on his arm. From the knife. Not hers.

From Shauna.

She opened an old diary.

The pages turned yellow.

The last one has a drawing.

Two girls are standing with their backs to the forest.

There is an inscription under the picture:

"You were my last sin. And my first salvation."

The door opened.

Shauna was standing in the doorway.

He holds a bottle of wine in his hands.

There's fatigue in my eyes.And relief.

—Hi,— she said.

Melissa closed the diary.

—Hi,— I replied. "I've been waiting for you."

Shauna came over.

I kissed her on the forehead.

Then on the lips.

"Do you remember what I said in the woods?"  Melissa asked.

"A lot,— Shauna smiled. "That I'm a bitch." That I'm afraid. That you hate me.

"I said you were pathetic."

- yes.

"And me?"

"You were strong,— Shauna replied softly. — The strongest of us.

Melissa shook her head.

- no. I was a coward. I wanted to die because I couldn't live with what I had done.

But you... You didn't let me leave.

They sat down next to each other.

We drank wine.

They were silent.

Then Shauna took her hand.

"We survived, Melissa.

Not because they were strong.

It was because they were with each other.

Melissa nodded.

"And we will be."

Always.