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It’s Summer, you graduated two months ago and you’re gonna go to college in September.
Things are about to change in your life, but instead of being scared, you feel excited. You can now reinvent yourself, you can go to a big city and you can finally meet new people to be friends with. You can also forget about your ex once and for all.
You’re using your curling iron to get a different look today, preparing yourself for college. You’re listening to some music while you’re doing it, while waiting for Robin to come and get you. There’s a party tonight to finally say goodbye to your now ex classmates. Probably Steve is gonna be there too…
The curler slids from your hands and it hits your neck’s skin. Now the bruise looks like a hickey. You sigh, angry: even if the two of you are apart, he always has to ruin everything for you.
You hear the doorbell: Robin’s already here and you’re still not ready! You grab some jeans, a T-shirt and a scarf to cover the bruise. You’re out the door in five minutes. Robin’s already in the car again, but she’s not the one to drive.
“Why is he here?” You ask, while getting in the car.
“Relax, Y/N. Did you really trust Robin to drive? Well, I didn’t, so that’s why I’m here. You can go to school in any way you’d like, otherwise,” he says and you see his grin into the mirror.
“Asshole”.
“I’m sorry, Y/N, but he’s actually right: I’m not a good driver,” Robin says.
“Yeah, whatever. Just drive”.
“We’re also picking Nancy up,” Robin adds.
A wave of jealousy hits you. Nancy was your best friend, until she got with Steve after the two of you broke up. You should be over it, but it’s hard when you always have to witness the two of them kiss in front of you everyday. That’s why you want to leave Hawkins so bad. You just want to forget about Steve Harrington for good.
“Why are you wearing a scarf? It’s fucking Summer,” Steve says, his sunglasses on his nose, while the Sun is going to sleep again. You wish you could do the same.
You open your mouth to explain what happened, but then an idea pops into your mind: if Steve wants to play this game, you can do it too.
“I have a hickey underneath it and I didn’t want people to talk about it. My boyfriend doesn’t want us to be official yet”.
Robin turns around to look at you with widened eyes.
“You’re dating somebody?” She asks you, screaming.
You can see Steve’s reflection into the mirror, but he seems not bothered with anything. You can’t see his eyes, though.
“Yeah, I am”.
“Since when?”
“Since we graduated”.
“So he’s from our school!”
“Oh, no, he’s… I mean yeah, but he’s not a student”.
“He’s a professor?”
Steve’s hands are now gripping onto the steering wheel. His knuckles are white and he’s clenching his jaw. You suppress a smile. So you nod and he probably sees you, because now he seems angry. You’re so satisfied, you could dance right now.
After Nancy got in, you’re now finally at school. Everybody is already dancing and drinking in the gym, while two of your ex teachers are supervising everything. Steve is far away with Nancy, while you’re with Robin on the dancefloor.
“Okay, now you can tell me: is it Mr. White the mystery guy? He can be the only one: he’s cute, kind and in his thirties. He’s even here tonight! I can’t believe that you didn’t tell me,” Robin says.
“Robin, I lied,” you confess. “I’m sorry, I feel so guilty. It was just a bruise from the curler. I just got… jealous, I think”.
“Jealous? Oh, no… You’re still in love with Steve! I fucking knew it!” She exclaims.
“He can’t know it!”
“I’m sorry. Okay, what are you gonna do now?”
“I’m gonna go talk to Mr. White. You make him watch”.
You stride towards Mr. White. Your palms are sweating because you don't know what to say to him and because you feel really horrible about what you did, all things considered. Maybe you misunderstood the situation and Steve wasn't jealous of you at all. Maybe you should just leave forever and never come back before this stupid charade goes too far...
Your steps stop in front of the table with drinks, next to your former professor. You turn and notice that Steve is already looking at you. He took off his sunglasses, so now you can clearly see his eyes, which are pointed towards you. It's like a wolf staring at its prey. You swallow loudly, almost scared but excited by the way he’s looking at you, even if you're a little ashamed of it, because he's with another girl. Your cheeks burn. Now you can't back out anymore.
“Good evening, Y/N,” the teacher tells you and you give him a weak smile.
"Good evening".
“So, have you picked out your new college yet?”
“Actually, yes,” you reply. "I will leave in September".
"Do you think you’ll miss Hawkins?"
You think about it for a moment, then shake your head.
"No".
"Not even your friends?" He asks you.
You don't turn around, but you still feel Steve's gaze burning on your back, as if in an instant you could be naked, as if he could take your clothes off without even touching you. It's scary that one person can have so much control over your life.
“Maybe there is one person,” you answer honestly for the first time tonight.
He nods.
"I thought so."
"Do you know?" You ask him, eyes wide.
"He was always looking at you in class. I think he's with another girl now, though."
“Yeah,” you reply bitterly. "I wish it hurt less."
"I don’t wish it on you. Feeling pain reminds us that we are human. If we didn't feel pain, we couldn't even feel joy, don't you think? At least I want to think so".
You smile at him.
"From now on I will see it that way too".
"And anyway, you two weren’t meant to be together: I know Steve is coming to teach here in September. I don’t think you would have time to be together”.
Your face suddenly darkens.
"I didn’t know it".
"Damn, I’m sorry! I thought he told you".
“We don’t talk much anymore these days”.
You come back to Robin with two glasses in your hands. Steve is gone, there’s just Nancy there. You hands the glass over to Robin, still thinking about what Mr. White told you about Steve coming back there as a teacher, when somebody screams. You turn immediately over and you see Mr. White on the floor, blood on his nose and Steve in front of him, bruises on his right hand.
“Why did Steve punch him?” Nancy asks.
Robin glances at you, but you’re already running towards him.
“What the fuck did you do, Steve?” You ask with panic in your voice.
“You’re not even 21, Y/N,” he says, still looking at Mr. White on the floor. He seems distant, as if he’s on another planet. “He took advantage of you!”
“What are you even talking about?” Mr. White asks.
“Steve, we have to talk,” you say, so you take his hand and take him in the hallway. Now your hands are covered in blood too and you feel like they were even before. Nancy wants to tell you something, but Robin asks her for help with the professor.
Steve runs his hands through his hair, his back on the lockers and his hands in his pockets. He looks like he's had a bad night and, in all honesty, you can't even argue with him that much.
"He’s an adult, while you’re still too young, Y/N. And what happened to you, huh? When we were together, you didn’t even want me to hold your hand in public, let alone leave a hickey on your neck! What happened to you, Y/N? What kind of person have you become? A professor? Come on! If only your parents knew..."
"I lied!" You scream. It’s as if all the air in the room had crystallized around you. You almost feel cold, as if it were suddenly winter and you already had to leave. “We’re not together”.
Steve runs his hands over his face, devastated.
"What?"
"I’m sorry. I bruised myself with the curling iron and I was jealous of you and Nancy, so I made up a stupid lie to make you jealous. I was wrong, I know, but I didn't think you’d punch a professor!"
"Ah-ah, no, don’t try to blame me. Don’t push your responsibilities on me".
"Fuck, Steve, you're always so judgmental..."
“And you always do whatever the fuck you want, Y/N. You love stepping on people so much…”
"As if you were a role model to follow".
"What do you mean?"
"You hooked up with my best friend two months after we broke up, while I was still crying like crazy on my bathroom floor! Do you have any idea how I felt?"
"And it never occurred to you that maybe I did it because she was the closest thing to you that I still had?"
You look at him with tears burning behind your eyes. It doesn’t make you feel better, no. It doesn’t make you feel anything that he told you, actually. Maybe that’s what Mr. White told you: if you don’t feel anything, you’re not human. Or maybe, you think, it just means that everything hurts so much, that this is just your body’s way of protecting you.
"You’re pathetic, Steve".
“And you’re childish, Y/N. Fuck, grow up for once in your life”.
Steve tries to leave, but you trap him against the lockers again with a hand on his chest, pushing him away.
"Ah, like you, you mean? Would you ever have told me you won’t be leaving Hawkins next year?"
He looks you in the eyes, then shakes his head.
"Now I don’t think I’ll be able to do it anymore," he says bitterly.
It makes you feel guilty like no one has ever felt before.
The gym doors open: Mr. White has his face covered with a napkin, Nancy and Robin are next to him.
"Mr. White, I’m sorry, I really am. It’s all my fault".
"The three of us will meet in my office tomorrow morning".
Shortly thereafter, Steve drives Nancy and Robin home. You're the last one left in the car with him. Your head hurts, you feel nauseous, but most of all, you feel guilty. You look at his hands, still bruised and hope they heal quickly. Not like you.
Steve glances at you, then turns up the music. He rolls down the windows and makes you smile involuntarily, because he did it even when you were still together. He is still the same person you fell in love with.
“Old habits never die, huh?” You ask and he chuckles.
"I don’t think so, no".
You feel the wind hitting your face, but it’s pleasant, so you close your eyes and start singing the song that’s playing on the radio, your favorite. During the chorus, Steve also joins you, just like the good old days. A part of you forgives him, in this moment. You missed being able to do all this with him.
Then, the song ends and you return to reality. Nancy lent you time with him, but you are no longer together.
“Does she make you a better person?” You ask him, when the two of you arrive at your home. He turns off the engine.
"Who? Nance? Honestly, I don’t even know it. I feel like I’ve lost myself completely since we’re no longer together. I don’t know who I am anymore. I only know that there’s a before you and an after you," he replies. Your heartbeat accelerates.
"I’ve always wanted to leave. Hawkins is holding me back and you know it," you say. He nods, then crosses his arms over his chest, but doesn’t look at you: his eyes are focused on his shoes. "But I can’t... or rather, no, I can’t leave without having resolved things with you first".
"And what does this mean?" He asks you.
You rub your lips together when you look at him. He turns and sighs, reaching out to caress your cheek.
"Oh, darling..."
"I would like to be another person, a person who deserves you and who doesn’t lie to you, but I can’t assure it to you. Maybe you’re right: I’ve changed and I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore, without you".
Steve looks into your eyes intently, thumb caressing your left cheek.
"It’s enough for me to know that you're telling me the truth right now," he tells you, seriously.
You nod.
"I have never been more sincere in my life".
You see him make sure it’s true as his pupils go from side to side, following yours. Then your vision blurs, everything around you becomes blurry and you only feel a sensation of softness. His lips on yours. The world that vanishes. Music in the background. The chirping of cicadas in the night. The warmth of his hand sliding up your thigh.
“Steve…” you say, slowly pulling away from him.
"Yes?"
"What will happen tomorrow?"
He looks at you with his head to the side, a sparkle in his eyes and a grin on his face.
"Should I guess? Well, I probably won’t be able to work at school anymore. Nancy will break up with me. And I’ll have to go to college," he replies, but you can't laugh.
"I am sorry".
"Oh, don't be sorry. I didn't want to be too far away from my girlfriend anyway. I'm not made for long-distance relationships".
You curl your lips into a smile.
"You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington".
“And you are beautiful, Y/N Y/L/N”.