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Lub-dub
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An intense gasp for air followed the increasingly louder but slower heartbeat sounds. In the middle of the place unknown but wildly familiar, a silence followed the ask for air. Addison Montgomery sat atop a bed while clutching her chest. Heavy breathing dominated the room as the heart sounds came to an end. The redhead’s eyes lingered on her stilled chest she currently has gripped near the heart. She couldn’t feel it. The organ responsible for keeping someone alive by pumping blood and oxygen was not moving. Yet she wasn’t missing oxygen. She was breathing just fine if not a little heavy despite her lungs also not contributing with breathing. Nothing made sense and she knew it...but that wasn’t her worry. The neonatal surgeon’s eyes shot up and wandered around the room in a daze. As she focused on the details, the atmosphere started to resemble that of what you’d expect of a Seattle Grace hospitalization room. However, the lack of machines, nurses and general staffing/patients made her uneasy. The coldness of the room alongside the absence of the antiseptic smell she’s come to associate with Seattle Grace didn’t help either.
She thought about leaving to find something—someone had her intrigued, but the situation had her glued in place. Everything about this felt like a plot straight out of The Twilight Zone and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go down that rabbit hole. At the end, the choice ended up not being hers for only a minute later; a robed figure stood not so far from her. Its presence unnerved her but also weirdly calmed her. Its face was hidden by the shadows the fabric created, but the eyes shined through mesmerizing her in the process. Finally getting herself out of the trance those eyes took her on, Addison shook her head.
“Where am I?” Addison looked at the figure in confusion “Who are you?”
The figure stepped forward slowly. Each step silent but seemingly deadly.
“You, Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery are dead” the cloaked figure responded
“N-no, that’s not possible” Addison hesitated “This is some cruel prank from Mark-”
“It is not” The figure stepped closer; its eyes never leaving Addison’s “Think back for a second. What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I-I” A vision of bubble and water filled Addison’s mind as darkness filled in for the blue “Water. I remember water...oh god, Elliot Bay. Did I drown?”
“Why seek an answer for what you know?” The figure stood just in front of Addison, granting a clear shot at the shadowed face. It reminded Addison of someone. Though that someone evaded her mind. “Mortality is a blade with an unpredictable pattern; you just tempted fate. Why be surprised by the outcome?”
“Did I or did I not drown?” Addison looked away as tears started to roll out
“...Yes” The figure grabbed Addison softly by the cheek to force the redhead to look at it in the eyes “You have died by submersion in the Elliot Bay area of the Puget Sound”
“If I died, why are you here looking like...no” Addison’s finally caught up to the person who the figure resembled “Why do you look like her?”
“To answer your first inquiry, I’m here for the outcome” The figure finally lowered its cloak and revealed a distorted version of Meredith. It had Meredith's face and body structure but with glassy eyes and a shadow that depicted the figure with curved horns and wings. “Outside of here, there are people that are actively attempting to revive your frozen body. The question is if you wish the same with your mind. For all their efforts are worth, your mind gets to decide at the end-”
“Why do you look like...her, the woman I work with?” Addison began to insist in the middle of her freaking out
“I cannot answer what you seek, for you are to look for it yourself” The figure extended a hand to Meredith, but Addison hesitated “I can assure you that I am not here to harm you but to simply guide you. If that’s what you wish. I do however require cooperation to help you search for what you are missing.”
“What if I refuse?” Addison whispered afraid of the answer that was to come
“Then all of the efforts made by those in flesh while be for not and your guidance will be to a place where you’ll only catch glance and glimpse of those still living”
“Is there a chance I will actually come back? This is not just games to trick me?”
“I cannot lie to you for your own brain’s ability to lie right now is fractured. My purpose is solely to guide you.” The figure re-extended their hand “Now it’s not your time...but I will not stop you if you choose it is”
Addison stopped and thought. Nothing hurts here. Her mind for once in a long time wasn’t filled with the pain of losing Derek, on cheating on him, on sleeping with Mark, on the abortion nor on any other thing that has pained her since arriving in Seattle. But she didn’t exactly feel happiness either, in fact, her mind was blocking most of her memories including any of the woman that this figure had taken its image from. Why couldn’t she remember anything about Meredith except for a vague remembrance on how she looked? She couldn’t even remember Meredith’s name. She doesn’t want to ‘live’ like this, only remembering some now healed memories or vague moments of her life. With a deep breath, she took the cloaked figure’s hand and stood from the bed. Nothing, she felt nothing. The only sensation she could feel was cold. Even then, she had a theory about that. The figure mentioned how her body was frozen so maybe the coldness either came from her actual body or from the figure itself. It didn’t really matter, but it was a distraction from the truth. She had died and she didn’t know why exactly she had. As they walked, she caught glances at the rooms they passed. In most of them, they were empty. Except for one. One had light shining through the closed door. What really caught her attention was that voices could be heard. She got closer and went to grab the handle when suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Are you certain you want to see what lies inside?” The figure closed in on Addison’s ears
“Yes” Addison said with a slight shiver
“Good” The figure stood back and let go “Proceed”
When opening the door, she saw Meredith in the bed. The blonde appeared to be hospitalized but the reason for it eluded her. She knows this is a memory; it was warm. She hasn’t felt warmth since arriving. It felt nice. Had she been this depraved of this feeling in life also? Almost as if answering her question, she hears a grunt behind her as Meredith screams a name she can’t quite recall. The grunt came from herself. At least a past version of herself. The thing that confused her most is why this version of her appeared so frustrated at the fact that she got noticed by the blonde when all she feels is the warmth.
“You bellowed Dr. Grey?” Addison watched as the past replayed itself as an external memory, she has no recollection of
“Hi” The blonde smiled and Addison couldn’t help to smile as well but stopped as she noticed that herself didn’t
“You certainly are, aren’t you?” Addison watched as the other her flipped through doctor’s notes belonging to the blonde in bed “But you’re not pregnant”
“Why would she be pregnant?” Addison stepped further into the room; her presence not noticed by the two talking
“Nope. Are you okay?” Meredith wide-eyed asked
“No, I’m not-” Addison stuttered only to get interrupted by herself
“Fine” Addison noticed the hint of anger in her past self’s voice “How are you?”
“Why are you talking to her like this?” Addison stood next to herself “She’s done nothing wrong! She’s been nice to you! Why are you-”
“I’m trying to choose between two men” Meredith blurted out what Addison needed to hear
That’s when Addison realized why her past self had been slightly irritated. She wasn’t mad at Meredith; she was mad at the situation. But why? Before she could hear more in order to see if she could remember, the room went cold and emptiness came with it. The redhead found herself stranded with the figure standing at the door patiently waiting. The memory helped her, but it also created more questions she knew she didn’t want the answer to. Though, her need to figure out the great questions to get out overwrote her desire for blissful ignorance.
“Why was I mad?” Addison decided to ask to the figure who shared the same face as the woman in the bed
“What she spoke off was not your desired outcome” The figure simply stated “It is as simple as that”
“What did I want?” Addison took a gander “Why would I ever be this passive-aggressive to someone who hasn’t done anything wrong”
“Again, that is for you to seek as I cannot grant you the answer” Addison got closer to the figure as it spoke
As she did, an image suddenly infiltrated her mind. Addison was bandaging a person’s injury near the edge of the bay when a young girl desperately grabbed her arm pointing her to the water. Even from the distance, she could see water ripples that shouldn’t have been there. The last thing she remembered was that as she was running over to that area she noticed a winter coat with an ID badge attached.
“Is it something relating to that woman?” Addison blurted out without thinking
“What specifically if I may ask?” The figure asked intrigued
“The reason I drowned. Was it something to do with that woman?” Addison clarified
“Yes, it was” The figure looks Addison up and down “Did you remember something else?”
“Y-yeah...” Addison hesitated “I think...I think this woman isn’t just a random friend like Callie”
I think I care about this woman more than I’m willing to admit