Chapter Text
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Shoyo immediately hid behind the first column he saw nearby.
He was agitated, which was normal after realizing he had traveled on the same train as his ex-lover. And well, lover was the only word he could find to describe what Kageyama Tobio was and had been in his life because, in their strange relationship that began when they got to know each other well in high school, they had never actually been in a proper relationship. They were just Hinata and Kageyama, and that was what worked between them.
There he was, his ex lover with that stupid serious expression that immediately changed to a more discreet smile of happiness when he saw who was walking toward him, waving. Suga-san hurried over to Kageyama, patted him on the head, and then hugged him warmly. Kageyama was never particularly affectionate, but when it came to Suga-san, he always made an exception, returning the hug with less enthusiasm but surely with the same level of affection; because that was Kageyama.
Shoyo watched as Suga-san practically snatched the suitcase from the other man and immediately began walking away. Luckily, they didn't stay there long, and Shoyo waited until they were completely out of sight before he could breathe normally again. It wasn't that he couldn't talk to Kageyama or didn't want to say hello to Suga-san, but he just wasn't ready. His heart wasn't ready for a casual encounter.
He and Kageyama basically saw each other every year to play with the national team, but they never spent much time together. They avoided each other as much as possible, and their teammates like Bokuto and Atsumu always made it too easy for them. They didn't need to talk more than necessary if it wasn't about volleyball; they had already gotten used to that. But seeing each other outside of that environment was another matter. Seeing each other in Miyagi, surrounded by people who knew them too well and loved them dearly, was a rather delicate and difficult issue.
Kageyama, I...
“Shoyo, are you with us?!”
It was Natsu's voice that completely snapped him out of his sentimental reverie.
“Natsu! Mom!” He immediately wrapped both women in a hug.
“Honey, you looked like you'd just seen a ghost. What happened?”
“I'm sorry, Mom... I... I saw Kageyama...”
“Tobio?! Is he here...?”
Shoyo covered his sister's mouth in less than a second.
“Shut your mouth, Natsu,” he said quietly, looking in horror at where Kageyama had gone to make sure he was no longer nearby.
“Did you talk to him?” asked their mother.
“No...” He was very embarrassed to answer that.
Natsu managed to break free from her brother's grip.
“Ni-chan, you're pathetic.”
“Shut up,” he squeezed Natsu's nose and the girl complained.
“Well, are you ready to go home?” His mother smiled, trying not to pay attention to Shoyo's attitude.
“Actually... why don't we sit down for a moment?”
“Aren't you tired? You've traveled more hours than I have,” Natsu commented, quite confused.
The truth was that Shoyo was tired and wanted to get home, but he didn't want to run into Kageyama’s same path because he wasn't ready to face him. He wanted a break.
“It'll only be a moment, okay?” he replied, evading the question.
Natsu and her mother could sense Shoyo's mood, so they said no more and sat down for a few moments, starting to talk about how the trip had been for both siblings this time.
.
The trip home began 16 minutes later, and they were halfway there when Natsu, as usual, brought up the past subject.
“You know that if Tobio is here too, at some point you're going to see him again and you'll have to talk to him, right?” She watched his brother in the rearview mirror. “Especially if your friends want hang out together. Or are you not going to tell them you're here?”
Shoyo clicked his tongue in annoyance.
“You're so annoying, Natsu... For your information, Tadashi already knew I was coming for a few days, he didn't mention anything about Kageyama,” he said, looking at his phone and checking the Karasuno group chat. “Suga-san didn't say anything either, so it's probably Kageyama who didn't want anyone to know.”
“That doesn't answer my question.”
Suddenly, Shoyo was biting his lip as he looked at the landscape along the highway. There was silence for almost a minute.
“You should talk to him, dear,” his mother broke the silence, “seize the moment and have that conversation you've owed each other for so long.”
Deep down, Shoyo honestly didn't know if he would be able to have that conversation without his heart ending up even more broken or trampled on. Although, if he was honest with himself, no one could say he didn't deserve it.
“Can we just forget about it? Let's change the subject, please. I really don't want to think about this right now.”
He heard Natsu sigh and was sure she also whispered that he was a coward. But they moved on to other topics for the rest of the way.
.
He slept until noon. It had been a long time since he had slept so much. Even on vacation, he would get up early to go running, but being at home with snow in the forecast, he allowed laziness and nostalgia to take over his entire body. Because, yes, he hadn't stopped thinking about Kageyama, and in winter weather like at home, it was always worse. It wasn't that he didn't think about him when he was in Brazil, but separating Kageyama from winter and snow was impossible.
Of course spent the first day catching up with his family, talking to Natsu about her life with her new volleyball team and the last guy she was dating. Of course, he tried to avoid the subject of Kageyama at all costs, focusing all his attention on his little sister. However, when night came, he spent it staring at his cell phone screen, debating whether it would be a good idea to send Kageyama a personal message or if he should talk in the Karasuno group chat to let them know he was there in case Tadashi had kept his word and not said anything about his stay in Miyagi.
Shoyo couldn't stop looking at the text Tadashi had sent him in the mid-afternoon.
Yamaguchi T: Aren't you going to tell them you're here? I thought we were going to meet up :(
Shoyo wanted to answer but couldn't find the words to do so. It was pretty silly to keep longing for something that would probably never turn out the way he hoped, and the worst part was that his friends were once again caught up in his perhaps, unnecessary drama. At least Tadashi respected his silence. That night, he fell asleep with his phone in his hand.
The next day was much the same; he didn't leave the house at all and spent most of his time looking at his cell phone. It had been a long time since he had sent Kageyama a text, especially on his birthday. Kageyama's birthday was coming up, and Shoyo began to think again that maybe it had been a bad idea to travel to Japan at that time of year. He always had a hard time on December 22 since he returned to Brazil. He preferred to spend the day drinking or locked up at home without seeing anyone.
“Aren't you going to see your friends since you're here?” his mother asked as they lay under the blankets watching TV for a while, just before nightfall.
Well, it was impossible to ignore the subject. After all, he had already wasted a whole day staying cooped up at home.
“Yes... it's just that...”
“You're a coward when it comes to Tobio,” Natsu interrupted.
“Hey, moron!” He threw the pillow next to him at her, but she skillfully dodged it.
“What? I didn't lie. I'm sure you read that gossip news, and that's why you don't have the guts to confront him and find out the truth from his own lips.”
Stupid Natsu! Shoyo felt a knot in his stomach at his little sister's words.
“What news?” his mother was completely oblivious to the subject.
“Nothing, Mom, Natsu is making thi...”
“Tobio has an Italian girlfriend and it seems he's gotten engaged.”
His mother immediately turned to look at him, a puzzled expression on her face.
“Mom, don't listen to her. That has nothing to do with me. It doesn't matter if he's engaged or not,” he said, taking control of the TV and trying to downplay the issue. “I turned the page on that a long time ago.”
Natsu was mad.
“Of course! That's why you hid and didn't want to leave the station right away,” she said ironically, crossing his arms.
Shoyo wanted so badly to respond, but the worst part was that Natsu was absolutely right. The words stuck in his throat.
“I think I'll go to bed now,” he said, getting up from the sofa to go to his room.
As he walked away, he could hear his mother scolding Natsu in a whisper.
“I just told the truth!” Natsu replied in a poorly concealed low voice.
Stupid Natsu, and stupid twice because she was right. Shoyo knew that his little sister was speaking out of frustration, and he was completely sure that she had already spoken to Kageyama since he arriving in Japan. Natsu had always loved Kageyama very much and knew that he loved her deeply and had never stopped doing so. She longed for them both to resolve their problems and finally have a real relationship. Shoyo didn't even realize when Natsu started to love Kageyama that much. It probably happened in the same way that Kageyama had taken over a large part of his own heart without Shoyo even noticing.
“Stupid Kageyama,” he said as he lay back on his bed to look at his phone screen again.
Should he write in the group chat now? He really wanted to see all his friends, even that idiot Tsukishima, but he was afraid to hear about Kageyama's life, a life in which he had long since ceased to exist. That thought made him feel terribly depressed and sad.
He spent a few more minutes thinking about whether or not to send a message, until he finally did so, even though it was already past ten o'clock at night. Everyone was probably already asleep or far away from their cell phones.
Shoyo: Hey everyone! I came to visit Miyagi for the season. It's been a long time, and I'd like to see everyone, if possible all together :D
He immediately locked his screen and left his phone face down on the mattress. He sighed heavily, trying to calm his racing heart. And then his phone started vibrating, causing him to sit up quickly to pick it up again as he panicked. Because it was a call from Suga-san.
“H... hello, Suga-san...”
“Hey Shoyo!” he sounded as cheerful as ever. “Welcome home.”
“Thank you very much, Suga-san. I didn't expect such a quick response because it's already late,” he confessed.
“Oh, don't worry, I always sleep until almost midnight, but anyway, I called you because we were planning to hang out together on Friday for Tobio's birthday.”
Well, it definitely wasn't a surprise for Shoyo; he must have imagined that would happen.
“I see..."
“It'll be at eight o'clock sharp. I'll send you the location in a little while, okay?”
"Ah... well, I...”
“Come on, don't say no. It's been a long time since we've all gotten together. Even Nishinoya will be there. He's arriving tomorrow”
Shoyo sighed. Somehow, he had to find the courage to face reality. He couldn't keep running away when they had so many loved ones in common.
“Plus, you waited too long to let us know you were here. You're so ungrateful!” he said, pretending to be genuinely offended.
“What? Did Tadashi tell you something about it?”
“Tadashi? No, not at all. I know because you were here because I saw you at the station two days ago.”
Shoyo almost dropped his phone in embarrassment and couldn't answer, so Suga continued talking.
“But we noticed you were hiding, so we didn't bother you.”
“We... we...? Plural?” Shoyo was on the verge of collapse.
“Yes, Tobio saw you too.”
It was the perfect moment for a deep crack to open up in the ground and swallow Shoyo’s whole body. He felt so embarrassed for himself that, even though no one was looking at him, he covered his face with his right hand.
“Suga-san, I swear that wasn't...”
“No, don't worry, it's fine. Believe me, I understand perfectly… same for Tobio Let's just forget about it and you come with us on Friday.”
How on earth could he show up in the same place as Kageyama now that he knew they saw him acting like a complete idiot?
“Seriously, we all want to see you, even Tobio, since he didn't see you this year after all.”
Yes, well, after his injury just as the VNL season was about to start, Shoyo was dropped from the Japanese national team. At least knowing that Kageyama wanted to see him made him feel that terrible, haunting longing that he could never escape.
“Yes, Suga-san, I'll go.”
.
All day yesterday, he told himself and told Kenma that he would take it easy, that he couldn't pay too much attention to trivial matters. However, he wasted almost three hours of his life choosing what clothes to wear and how to style his hair. Kageyama liked Shoyo’s long hair, and after sex he always started playing with his orange curls. Right now, Shoyo had long hair, just like in his senior year of high school when Kageyama confessed his feelings to him.
It was impossible for Shoyo not to remember those past years all the time, especially while he stayed in Miyagi. It happens during winter, and now all that was missing was snow to complete the whole scene back then. After practice at the club in their last year of high school, they walked home and just where their paths parted as usual, Kageyama simply told him that there was something he had wanted to say for a long time. “I'm in love with you... you don't have to say anything, I know you don't like me the same way, but I just wanted you to know. See you later.”
He said that as if it were nothing, in such a casual way that Shoyo didn't have time to process what his words meant. He just said goodbye and they went their separate ways. Shoyo didn't realize it until he lay down to sleep, alone in his room, going over Kageyama's words in his head one by one. He didn't even know how he was supposed to feel. After the confession, he didn't say anything about it to Kageyama, and Kageyama didn't say anything else either. They continued attending to school until they graduated.
It wasn't until Kageyama moved to Tokyo that Shoyo realized his own feelings. He had told himself it wasn't possible, after all, he had always liked women, but he thought that his constant desire to beat him at everything, especially volleyball, and his constant search for Kageyama’s approval and compliments were not normal in any way. He had many mixed feelings that he struggled with for a while, but at being confused and scared he didn't tell anyone else.
So Shoyo wanted to visit Kageyama after a couple of months without seeing each other, four months to be exact, just to clear the air and resolve their contradictions. He thought that perhaps the feeling of staying many steps behind Kageyama was just playing tricks on him. Shoyo believed that meeting again with the setter it would be normal, he would be safe, that he would realize he was confused... but inevitably, that was not the case.
Kageyama looked so good, so happy, he had grown a few inches taller. That afternoon in Tokyo, Shoyo saw him smile more than he had in the three years they spent together at Karasuno. And something hurt in his stomach, an emptiness he had never felt before and never thought he would feel for another boy, least of all for Kageyama Tobio. He felt like he was leaving him behind, that Kageyama was moving on without him, walking away from his life for good, and that feeling was devastating. The fact that he no longer had Kageyama in his daily life scared him more than the success Kageyama was already experiencing as a professional athlete.
So that day, one thing led to another, and they ended up at Kageyama's apartment drinking beer, although it was really Shoyo who was drinking, and after two cans of beer, the question just slipped out of his mouth.
“Are you still in love with me, Kageyama-kun?”
If Shoyo hadn't been a little drunk, he might have noticed his friend's cheeks, which were completely red from the question. The answer was yes, and the next thing Shoyo knew, they were kissing. That's how their romantic relationship began, losing their virginity in a disastrous way, with Shoyo traveling to Tokyo almost every two weeks to meet Kageyama and have sex for most of the time he stayed with him.
Shoyo had been on the verge of spit the words “I love you” so many times that he couldn't help but remember it without his cheeks feeling warm. He wanted to say it while Kageyama was fucking him in the most desperate way possible, as if he were hungry for Shoyo. He wanted to say it while they were having breakfast the next morning, when he was saying goodbye to Kageyama at the door of his apartment because he always told him it was better to go back to the station alone to avoid anyone seeing them. Shoyo always wanted to tell him, but he didn't, and it didn't seem like Kageyama wanted to say it either.
Shoyo's plans to go to Brazil were already set, and backing out at that time would not improve anything. He would leave to catch up with Kageyama in the same stage, with Kageyama who had always been on the other side of that wall that constantly stood in front of Shoyo. So if someone said “I love you” at that moment, it would be very cruel when they had to part ways. And he simply left, leaving behind the man he was in love with, with any romantic situation unresolved.
Two years passed without him having any other romantic or sexual interactions. He simply wasn't interested because he couldn't forget Kageyama Tobio for even a second. Every moment of the day, with every new person or situation, everything always resulted in some memory of Kageyama. Shoyo knew at that moment that there was no one else for him. And so he returned to Japan, avoided telling Kageyama which team he would be on, and focused on finding him in the place they both loved the most: the volleyball court.
Everything went exactly as expected, even better than that, it was a magical moment that Shoyo wanted to last forever. That passion, ferocity, and hunger to keep going was something he could only experience with Kageyama. The adrenaline resulted in an encounter of sexual passion that could only be calmed in the arms of his best opponent. They had been together ever since, that time was different, wonderful, and encouraging, and as expected, it didn't last long enough. Shoyo realized that they had to be very careful at all times, they couldn't express their love the way they both wanted to, and that made his heart ache terribly.
So Kageyama left first, having been offered a deal he couldn't refuse in the best volleyball league, and of course, Shoyo wasn't going to stop him for anything in the world. But Kageyama was deeply in love, hopelessly so, and Shoyo hated that. Because he felt the same way, but it was already very difficult to maintain a homosexual relationship in a country as conservative as Japan, and the distance would make it even more difficult, so he decided to take advantage of the situation.
He broke Kageyama's heart just before he left for Italy. He claimed that it would be very difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship and that it was better this way, that perhaps Kageyama could find a girl to start a family with, as was expected of any successful professional male athlete. “I don't want a family, I want you.” He felt terrible hearing that. Knowing that Kageyama loved him so much squeezed every part of his heart, and he wanted to be with Kageyama. He wanted Kageyama more than anything in the world, but things were difficult.
“It's better in this way, it's easier.” He will never forget the way the man of his life looked at him after saying that. So he simply said goodbye to him and left things unfinished between them once again. It was unfinished because it wasn't a complete closure; there wasn't really any conflict between them, it was just a pretty stupid decision. After that, Kageyama didn't talk to him again. Shoyo sent him texts to find out how he was doing on his new team, but Kageyama didn't reply. Of course Shoyo even liked his sporadic posts on social media, but Kageyama never did the same with his.
They met again at the Club World Cup, but their interaction was cordial only on the court. Both played like never before, having reached the peak of their careers, and the adrenaline led them to another passionate sex encounter. Shoyo knew that love still existed between them and that it would be difficult for it to disappear. But anyway, at the end, with tears in his eyes, he apologized to Kageyama and said goodbye to him, leaving him heartbroken once again.
After that, their reunions were cold, overly cordial, and without a trace of their former friendship, which was obvious to everyone. All Shoyo wanted was to be back in the arms of the person who loved him most. And it was even worse when he read that article, when they said that Kageyama already had an official girlfriend and that there were rumors of an upcoming marriage. That was precisely why he ended the relationship with Kageyama, so that he could live his life as expected, but it still hurt to know that the love of his life could be happy without him.
All those facts and feelings were weighing on him as he made his way to the bar where he would meet everyone, including Kageyama. When he reached the entrance, he paused for a moment and took a deep breath to gather his courage.
“You're such a coward.”
Wonderful, that pretentious voice could only belong to Tsukishima. Always there for Shoyo in his worst moments.
“Shut up, I don't know what you're talking about,” he complained.
“It's not difficult, just look at him, congratulate him, and get on with your life, trying to ignore the fact that you're the most pathetic homosexual in the world, longing for something that no one but yourself screwed up.”
Yes, it was the truth, and having Tsukishima of all people telling him that just made it even worse, but that didn't mean he had to put up with it.
“Hey...!”
“Do us all a favor and don't bring your silly dramas to the meeting. Leave me out of whatever is going on between you two weirdos,” said the taller one, standing next to him to open the door and go inside.
“I don't know what the hell you're talking about,” Shoyo replied with a frown.
Yes, he did know, but it was better to feign ignorance for his own self-preservation.
“We're not in high school anymore, you should deal with your problems like the adult you are.” Tsukishima glanced at him sideways and immediately entered the place without waiting for a response.
Shoyo remained outside, muttering insults at Tsukishima.
“Why aren't you coming in yet?”
Fortunately for Shoyo, that was a pleasant voice.
“Ahhh, I... hi, Tadashi,” he smiled at his friend and let out a sigh. “I'm really glad to see you, especially at this moment.”
Tadashi narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“I'm glad to see you too, Shoyo, but I would have been happier to see you when you arrived,” he complained.
“Forgive me...”
“I'm just kidding!” He hugged Shoyo tightly. “I'm really glad you're here.”
Shoyo sighed calmly and returned the hug with the same affection as Tadashi.
“Thank you...”
“Don't overthink it, okay? And don't listen to Tsukki. He's actually upset that you and Tobio ended... well, your relationship.”
“Actually, I find that a little hard to believe.”
Tadashi shook his head.
“Come on, don't waste any more time. Everything will be fine. I'll be close by, and you know Tobio doesn't hold a grudge against you.”
Shoyo nodded, even though he still felt quite doubtful.
“Take a deep breath and let's go.”
And so he did, just as Tadashi had told him. They entered the bar and were immediately spotted by the rest of Karasuno, who greeted them warmly. For a few seconds, Shoyo forgot his nerves and smiled at all his friends. Suga hugged him and patted him on the head, Tanaka gave him a big hug, and even Nishinoya had come to the reunion. The girls and the others were there too.
Yes, Shoyo felt truly happy among all the people who loved him so much, until he saw those blue eyes that had made him fall in love long ago and still caused his heart to race. Kageyama was serious as always, calm, sitting by the wall watching everyone greet Shoyo. And Shoyo felt nervous again, afraid, uncertain. He ended up sitting right in front of him.
“Hey.”
That was all Kageyama said. After not seeing each other for over a year, after everything they had been through together, after their entire history, the only thing he had to say was hey. And Shoyo couldn't blame him for that.
“Hello... Kageyama-kun...” He smiled weakly.
For a few moments, it seemed as if all his friends around him had fallen silent, even holding their breath as they witnessed what would be the first interaction between him and Kageyama. No one in that group was unaware that they had been fucking for a long time. And indeed, it was a sensitive subject for everyone to discuss because no one wanted to ruin the reunion by asking an indiscreet question or making the wrong comment.
“Aren't you going to congratulate him?”.
Everyone except Tsukishima, of course. As soon as those words left his mouth, someone kicked him or something similar because he made a rather pained expression. It could have been Hitoka or it could have been Tadashi since they were both next to him. Shoyo had no choice but to smile discreetly and do what he was told.
“Of course, happy birthday Kageyama-kun.”
Kageyama nodded.
“Thank you.”
Shoyo downed the entire contents of his jar as soon as he sat down. They began to chat, catching up on everyone's lives and reminiscing about old times during their stay in Karasuno, laughing and even singing suddenly.
“Even though it's actually tomorrow,” Suga said after a while, “let's raise our glasses to the birthday boy.”
They ordered a round of sake to drink together.
“Congratulations, you're turning twenty-nine and you're still single,” Nishinoya joked.
“That's right, let's hope you have better luck this year and make it to thirty already married...” Tanaka drank more of his beer. “Or at least with a partner.”
Everyone started laughing, and Shoyo just took another sip of his own drink.
“You say it as if he doesn't have a girlfriend. I read that article, and it said there are rumors of a wedding,” Ennoshita said, checking his cell phone. “Look, it says so right here.”
“What?! Let me see that, Chikara,” Nishinoya almost snatched the cell phone from him. “Hey, I didn't know about this. She's pretty cute. She's Italian, right?”
But Kageyama said nothing, and Shoyo felt his gaze on his own body. Maybe Kageyama wasn't saying anything because he thought it might make him uncomfortable. Shoyo tried to hide his discomfort by looking at everyone else and emptying his second jar of beer. He found it curious how his drink was constantly full; apparently, the waiters provided excellent service.
“Yes, she's very pretty,” said Asahi, looking at the photo on the phone. “Is she really your girlfriend? I'm only asking because Suga hadn't mentioned anything to us.”
“That's because the ungrateful jerk hadn't said a word to me about it,” Suga complained, looking very offended at his beloved kohai.
“It's no big deal,” Kageyama replied finally, after all the commotion.
“But it says there are rumors of a wedding,” Hitoka said. “How could something like that not be important, Kageyama-kun?”
Shoyo immediately emptied his third jar of beer.
“Because those are just rumors,” Kageyama insisted.
“So it's not true that you were seen shopping at a jewelry store?” Kiyoko asked.
“Jewelry store?!” Nishinoya and Tanaka shouted at the same time.
“Come on, don't pressure Kageyama like that,” Daichi's gentle scolding was quick to follow.
And then Kageyama fell silent. Shoyo felt an inexplicable unease at this lack of response. He had definitely drunk too quickly, even for his stamina, and needed some ice-cold water on his face, so he suddenly excused himself and, pretending he wasn't feeling a little dizzy, managed to make his way to the bathroom. The atmosphere was too overwhelming for him. He knew that Kageyama had never liked women, and suddenly he seemed to be engaged to one.
Shoyo looked at himself in the mirror, feeling truly pathetic. He had brought all this on himself, completely cutting off his relationship with Kageyama and telling him to be happy finding a suitable woman and starting a family.
“Just a little longer, just a little longer to stay with everyone, and then I'm out of here,” he said to himself, looking in the mirror, feeling unable to bear listening to those comments much longer.
He dried his face with paper towels, smoothed his hair, noticing that it needed a haircut, adjusted his clothes, and took a deep breath to return to the others. As he left, he slammed the door open and rushed out, bumping into someone outside.
“I'm so so...”
He had bumped into the person he least wanted to see under the circumstances.
“Are you okay? You look a little red,” said Kageyama, staring at him.
Shoyo avoided looking into the taller boy's blue eyes.
“I'm fine, it's just been a long time since...” I've seen you, he thought, “I've had sake.”
“You...?”
“I'm going to sit back down,” he said, starting to walk away, leaving Kageyama behind, not allowing him to respond.
Back at the table, Narita and Kinoshita were saying goodbye. Tsukishima had moved seats, and Shoyo could see what his purpose was. Tadashi simply looked at him as if asking for forgiveness, as always, for the way his boyfriend liked to tease Shoyo. Tsukishima had always been a jerk, but Shoyo wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of making him feel more uncomfortable just because he was sitting next to Kageyama.
“What about you, Shoyo?” Nishinoya asked.
“About what?”
“Do you have a girlfriend? Or have you at least been with a Brazilian girl?” As always, Tanaka was interested in his love life.
It was no secret that Shoyo was bisexual.
“Well...” Kageyama sat down next to him. “Not at the moment, but... I've been very lucky in the past, and Latin girls are very beautiful.”
He said this with more animosity than before, in a clumsy and ridiculous attempt to make Kageyama feel bad. The alcohol gave him the courage to act stupid.
“Great, great! I knew Shoyo had made the most of his time in Brazil. Bring him another beer, it's on me,” Nishinoya shouted excitedly.
“Kageyama deserves a beer too, for get an Italian girl,” Tanaka insisted, and Nishinoya ordered two beers.
When they brought Kageyama his drink, Shoyo looked at him with narrowed eyes. He lost count of how much the man had drunk, but he looked pretty good for having spent more than two hours in that bar, and he didn't remember Kageyama having such a high tolerance for alcohol.
“What's wrong with you freaks?” Tsukishima said. “In the past, you would be competing like idiots to see who could empty the jar first.”
Clearly, that had been too intentional a comment because in seconds, Nishinoya and Tanaka were already shouting to see them compete with their drinks.
“I don't think so... Kageyama can't hold the alcohol very well, it would be a disaster for him,” he said, trying to avoid the competition.
“I can do it no problem.”
“Way to go, Kageyama!” Tanaka cheered.
“Really?” Shoyo was a little taken aback.
Kageyama just nodded, and suddenly they were drinking after Suga shouted, “On your marks... get set... go.” Everyone was shocked when Kageyama was the first to empty his jar. But no one was more surprised than Shoyo.
“I won,” Kageyama said without smiling.
Everyone was making a big fuss at the table, saying they never expected Kageyama to beat Shoyo in a drinking contest.
“I didn't know your alcohol tolerance had improved, Kageyama-kun,” Shoyo whispered, almost hoping no one would hear him.
But Kageyama, who was sitting next to him, did hear him.
“Now there are already so many things you don't know about me.”
It was a comment made in a very casual manner, but to Shoyo and his perception, it sounded too distant and cold. That phrase pierced his heart like a stake. It hurt, and it hurt a lot because he knew every gesture, every tone, every like or dislike, every weakness of Kageyama Tobio on and off the court. It hurt to know that now there were things he didn't know, and it was entirely his fault. Shoyo couldn't help but let the pain show as he looked down, feeling dejected.
“With this victory, how many times have you beaten Hinata now?” Kiyoko asked.
“That's something I'd like to know too,” said Hitoka, excited by the topic.
Suddenly there was silence; neither Kageyama nor Shoyo responded.
“Don't tell me you've finally stopped counting,” Daichi looked quite impressed.
Shoyo smiled nervously and Kageyama just shrugged.
“I guess those things lose their meaning over time,” Kageyama's voice sounded quite monotonous.
Another terrible blow right to Shoyo's heart. Kageyama had moved on, and Shoyo continued to yearn for something that had already expired. He felt like screaming... but surely it was because of the melancholy season, the place, the drinks and the people around them. The melancholy was worse when they were so close and yet so far away.
“How strange,” said Nishinoya, observing them both. “I thought they would continue competing their whole lives.” He let out a playful chuckle, but at the same time he seemed to be speaking seriously.
“To tell you the truth, I thought the same thing,” confessed Tadashi.
“They're so dumb that I believed it too,” said Tsukishima, seemingly unmoved, but he also gave his opinion on the matter.
“Well, sometimes circumstances don't help that much,” said Suga, trying to soften the impending truth, the truth that Kageyama and Shoyo could hardly be called friends if they barely spoke to each other.
“Honestly, I thought you two would end up together.”
Everyone was almost petrified when they heard Asahi's very gentle voice. It was a truly unexpected comment, so unexpected even for Asahi himself, who immediately regretted what he had said. The truth was that he had drunk more alcohol than was acceptable, and that comment was proof that it was time to stop. Everyone was stunned, and only a couple of seconds later, it became clear that Daichi was doing his best to prevent Suga from hitting Asahi.
Shoyo felt like he wanted to disappear before the situation got worse. It was really hard to hear, and he clenched both hands under the table, completely unsure of what to do or say about it. But he was saved by Nishinoya's laughter... or maybe not.
“It's true! These two fought so much from the start that they even seemed to have known each other for years when I met them,” he joked without letting go of his beer jar. “I also thought they would end up together, maybe even married,” he said with a laugh.
“They were really equally unbearable, they're perfect for each other.”
The fact that Tsukishima also decided to comment didn't improve the situation at all.
“No wonder they've always called them the freaky duo,” Tanaka burst out laughing.
Kageyama said nothing, looking as calm and indifferent as ever.
“Well, at least Kageyama found a suitable girl in the end...” Shoyo flashed his best smile. “I guess there must be someone out there for me too.”
Although in reality it seemed to be quite an ironic joke, since it wasn't long after he broke up with Kageyama that Shoyo lost interest in anyone else, even for one-night stands. He had been quite lonely and sad for quite some time without any romantic relationships. His expression must have been quite noticeable among his friends, and then someone else spoke up to show a little support.
“Don't worry, I'm sure the right person will come along,” Tadashi's voice was always conciliatory, just like in his best days as captain of Karasuno.
Shoyo could only smile discreetly.
They changed the subject when they noticed the awkwardness of the situation. About half an hour later, Shoyo decided it was time to go home. He had been thinking about it since those last unfortunate comments, but he didn't want to leave right away and make it too obvious and dramatic.
“Are you sure you're going home? It's going to start snowing any minute now.”
Suga was worried about him.
“You seem a little drunk too. You can stay at my place if you want,” said Tadashi.
But Shoyo declined.
“It's okay, no problem, I just want to walk a little and Natsu will come for me,” he smiled as he got up. “It was really nice to see you all.”
Everyone offered him words of sincere affection.
“We can go to the shrine on New Year's Day, is that okay with you?” asked Hitoka.
“That's a good idea, we can talk about it later. See you then, I'm just going to the bathroom first.”
“Let me know when you get home,” Daichi asked, concerned as always.
“I will,” he smiled and looked at Kageyama. “See you later, Kageyama-kun.”
Kageyama just nodded, even though it had been very difficult for Shoyo to address him and look him in the eyes, even though Shoyo wanted to tell him that he was still hopelessly in love with him, even though he still longed for him after so many years. Even with all of Shoyo's feelings, Kageyama just nodded because it was what Shoyo deserved.
.
When he left the bar, it was freezing outside, and he felt the night breeze make the alcohol go to his head a little more. But he didn't want to go back inside and continue torturing himself, being so close and yet so far from his one true love. He put on his earmuffs and started walking. The truth was that he hadn't said anything to Natsu, so he sent her a text, hoping she was still awake watching K-dramas.
“Wait.”