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Buck knows he’s making the right decision. He’s grown a lot since his last series of ill-advised hookups, and he knows what he’s looking for now. Someone who wants him for more than just his body or a good time. Someone who will be his partner, his person, and let him be theirs.
Still, it’s a letdown. Earlier this week, Buck had two people he could see himself potentially getting serious with. Now, he’s back to square one. Again.
Why does this always happen to him? He just wants someone to come home to after a long shift. But here he is, jiggling the key in his front door lock, because it sticks sometimes. And no one else knows that, because no one else has a key. Moving through the house, flicking on lights as he goes, because no one else lives here.
He makes his way to the kitchen, grabs a beer from the fridge. Eddie had a key to his old place. He still has a key to Eddie’s, which makes sense seeing as he used to live there. Hasn’t used it in a while though. The weirdness that’s been between them for months is easing, finally, but they’re still not at casual drop-in level anymore. Yet. Whatever.
Eddie hasn’t been to Buck’s house in weeks. He’s actually only been here twice, ever, which is not something Buck dwells on. They’ve been dealing with things in their own separate ways, taking the time they need, apart. It’s better this way. The one time they really tried to talk after Bobby’s funeral hadn’t gone well. At least Eddie and Christopher are here, in LA, where Buck can keep an eye on them. It’s okay if it has to be from a distance for a while. Really, it is.
And Eddie had agreed to come out to the club! He hadn’t actually gotten any numbers, because Buck didn’t wingman so much as carpet bomb, but still, it’s progress.
If this were last year, before Eddie went to Texas, Buck would invite him over in a heartbeat. They would talk, or not talk, and Buck would feel better. He downs the rest of his beer. What the hell. Eddie agreed to go out when he clearly wasn’t that into it. Maybe he’ll agree to come to Buck’s place and pretend it’s old times for a night.
Before can overthink it, he sends the text: come over for a beer?
Eddie doesn’t reply at all, but one minute later, Buck’s message gets a thumbs up. Since when does Eddie know how to do that? Chris must have given him some pointers.
Twenty minutes later, there’s a soft knock at the door and Eddie’s there, glowing golden under the porch light. He smiles, a little shyly, and nods as Buck steps aside to let him in. Buck feels awkward, as if they haven’t done this a million times over the years. He trails Eddie to the kitchen, takes two more beers out of the fridge, pops the caps and hands one over wordlessly.
Eddie still hasn’t spoken at all. He’s eyeing Buck appraisingly, as if he can tell what Buck’s thinking if he just looks hard enough. Maybe he can.
Despite his unfamiliarity with Buck’s house, he moves confidently, heading straight to the living room and plopping down on the couch. He’s still watching Buck, and now it feels like he’s waiting for him to speak. Buck’s thoughts are swirling and he struggles to pin them down under the weight of Eddie’s gaze. Why is he nervous? He wanted Eddie here, and he came. This is more normal than they’ve been in months. Still, he’s not sure what to say, how to start.
“Thanks for coming. I just didn’t want… I don’t know.” Didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to think about how he’s alone, didn’t want to drift further from Eddie than he already has. He pauses, remembers how he also treated Eddie badly in all this. “I’m really sorry I took Jade’s number. From you, I mean. Not that you would have wanted to end up in a throuple. Just, before I knew about that I still… I didn’t even let you have a shot with the only girl you were interested in. It was supposed to be your night, and I made it about me. I’m sorry.”
Eddie actually chuckles at that, mouth curving around his beer bottle. “It’s fine. Really. I wasn’t interested in her. And I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to get involved in… that. You did me a favor, man.”
“We can try again. To find a woman for you. Maybe a bar instead of a club this time? Ravi was telling me about this cool spot that does really good caipirinhas.” Buck’s not sure why it’s so important to him that Eddie finds a girlfriend. He’s not stupid, he can tell that Eddie isn’t excited about the prospect. He’s just tired of Eddie’s self flagellation. There’s no reason for both of them to be lonely and miserable.
“Nah, it’s really okay. I told you, I’m not looking to date right now.” He’s still trying for casual, but Buck can tell he’s not amused by the conversation anymore. That’s okay, sometimes Eddie needs a little push, and that’s what Buck is for.
“Eddie, stop punishing yourself! And don’t hide behind Chris, I know this isn’t what he wants for you. You guys are in a good place, you said so. You’re allowed to be happy too. Come on, give me one more chance. I can be a good wingman, I swear!”
“Buck I don’t need you to-“
“I know, but what if I want to? I can find you the perfect girl, I know it.” He gave in before, he’ll come around again. He’ll realize Buck’s right, if he just-
“Buck, listen to me.” To Buck’s surprise, Eddie looks angry now. “I need you to let this go. I don’t want to date any women.”
Buck’s brain is still going a million miles an hour in the direction of setting Eddie up, so it takes him a minute to register the change in tone. Eddie is glaring down at the bottle in his hand. He was staring at Buck intently, but now he can’t make eye contact at all. And something is off about all of this. About how he was not just reluctant to talk to women in the club, but downright uncomfortable. About how he wasn’t mad in the slightest when Buck stole Jade from him. About his careful choice of words.
“You don’t want to date any women.” Buck repeats what Eddie said, processing. “Do you want to date… men?”
It’s out of his mouth before he can stop it. Eddie’s still not looking at him, staring at the wall, the empty bottles on the coffee table. His expression is somewhere between defeated and pained. “Buck...” he sighs. He runs his hands through his hair, lets it flop back onto his forehead.
When he finally brings his eyes up to meet Buck’s, there’s something resolute there. Pointed. “I want to date A man.”
Buck needs a minute to parse that. His first thought is who is it? I’ll fight him, before he catches up and realizes what Eddie means. He feels like he’s been punched in the gut. He sucks in a breath.
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I wasn’t sure if I was ever gonna tell you.” Eddie looks up through his eyelashes, as if afraid to face Buck head on.
“But… why?”
Eddie huffs out a surprised laugh at that. “What do you mean, why?”
Buck’s not even sure where to start. He needs to move his body. His skin feels too hot, too tight. He jumps up from the couch and starts pacing in front of Eddie. “Why me? And why now? What about last year when you said nothing would change? If this is some kind of joke, it’s really not funny.” Buck knows Eddie wouldn’t joke about this, not to him, but he’s not sure how else to react. This can’t be happening. He’s in an alternate universe. He’s in a coma again. He’s being tricked.
Eddie makes a frustrated noise. He gets up too, trying to make Buck stand still and look at him. “I’m not joking. Why now? Because I couldn’t let myself see it before, why none of my relationships ever felt right. I didn’t understand, for years, for my whole life. But now I do.” He finally succeeds in cornering Buck, getting a hand on his shoulder, forcing eye contact. Almost pleading now. “Why you? How could it be anyone else?”
And that’s- no. Buck can’t handle that. It’s too close to everything he’s ever wanted, everything he’s never allowed himself to think about. It’s quite literally too good to be true. His life has been a rollercoaster lately, and he’s tired of being thrown for a loop with no warning. He’s still confused, wrong-footed. Angry.
He jerks away from Eddie’s touch like he’s been burned. “Eddie, what the fuck? You can’t just… you don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Eddie’s advancing on him now, quickly enough that Buck stumbles backward. “Why do you keep trying to tell me how I feel? Even about this. Especially about this! I have feelings for you. Why can’t you believe me?”
Something about his aggressive stance, the pain in his eyes, takes Buck right back to their argument in Eddie’s kitchen all those months ago. And Buck doesn’t want to hurt Eddie, he never wants to hurt Eddie, but something about seeing him finally express his feelings, stand up for himself, choose something for himself, lights Buck up, no matter the circumstances. He’s finally being honest, telling Buck what he wants, getting up in his space, and it’s…
Hot.
In Eddie’s kitchen, even through layers of grief and loss, Buck felt a thrill when the heat of Eddie’s full attention turned on him. When he realized they were finally talking, after dancing around each other for so long. It had been hurtful, painful, but somehow electrifying. He was miserable, and confused, and hard the whole time.
“I believe you, I just…” Buck’s voice comes out lower than he intended, rough with emotion. His frustration flares. Fuck, how can he explain? “It’s new for you, right? And I know we’re friends. But you don’t really want me. I’m not the kind of person someone like you ends up with. You deserve better.”
Apparently that didn’t help, because Eddie looks even angrier now. He bullies further into Buck’s space, pins his wrists to the wall with strong hands. Their faces are so close together, Buck can feel Eddie’s breath on his neck. Buck’s pulse is racing. “What do I have to do,” Eddie practically growls, “to make you understand?”
Everything goes still, the whole world narrowed down to Eddie’s hands on Buck’s wrists, their chests heaving against each other. Eddie’s eyes, dark with anger and lust. It could be a second, a minute, ten minutes, Buck has no idea. Then Eddie moves all at once, letting Buck’s arms go in the same breath as he dives forward and claims Buck’s mouth.
The kiss is rough and dirty, lips and tongues and teeth. Eddie is everywhere, hands on Buck’s chest, bodies pressed together. He wedges his thigh between Buck’s legs. Buck can’t stop the moan it draws out of him, can’t stop the way his hips thrust against Eddie.
Eddie breaks the kiss and attaches his mouth to Buck’s collarbone, sucking a bruise there. “I came back from Texas.” He moves up, adds another mark to Buck’s neck. “I put you in my will.” Another mark, further up. “You’re not expendable to me.” Another. “You matter to me.” Another. “You’re my partner.” His lips meet Buck’s again, hungrily, desperately. “You’re mine.”
Buck’s brain is melting out his ears. From the moment Eddie pushed him against the wall, his mind has been nothing but static. He’s kissing Eddie back, running his fingers through his hair, grinding shamelessly against him. But this whole night has been a fever dream. He can’t possibly be hearing what he thinks he’s hearing.
He focuses instead on the sensations. The little zings of pleasure-pain are real as Eddie bites and sucks at his neck. The glorious friction on his aching cock is real as he rocks against Eddie’s leg. The hot, hard press of Eddie’s own erection is real, too.
This, Buck can handle. This is what he’s good at. He slows his own movements, reaches down between them to unbuckle Eddie’s belt. But Eddie is quick. He threads his fingers into Buck’s and pulls his hand back up.
“Nope, I’m not done with you yet. You still don’t believe me.” Without further ado, Eddie drops to his knees. He’s got Buck’s pants down and his mouth around him before Buck registers what’s happening. Buck lets his head fall back against the wall as Eddie swallows him down, throat working, cheeks hollowing out. He runs his tongue up the underside of Buck’s cock, swirling it around the head before sinking back down, and Buck knows he’s done for.
“Eddie, I’m-” he tugs frantically on Eddie’s hair to pull him off in time. Eddie pulls off, but doesn’t move to get up. He keeps his hand stroking up and down Buck’s shaft as he comes, gasping, all over Eddie’s face.
“Mine.” Eddie grins as he licks Buck’s cum off his lips. “Say it.”
“Yours.”
Later, they lie smushed together on Buck’s couch, dozing and making out in turn. Eddie’s playing with Buck’s hair. Buck is nuzzling into Eddie’s chest, idly fingering the bruises on his neck.
“Hey, Wingman, you found my perfect match after all. Will you let me have a shot with this one?” Eddie’s words are light, but his tone is serious.
Buck smiles into Eddie’s shirt. “I’ll try.”