Chapter Text
2007
Day 1
I'm quiet when I wake up and sneak off to the bathroom, ignoring the aches and pains of sleeping on the hard floor. I brush my teeth as softly as possible and turn the faucet just so that a steady stream of water leaks out so I can rinse it when I'm done with out making too much noise.
Shave, makeup for good measure (doesn't hurt that it covers the bruises), a quick self conscious finger comb through my dark brown locks. It's long as hell now, weird getting used to that. High or low ponytail? Hair down is out of the question unless I want another 30 minutes in front of the mirror actually combing it, which...not today. It'd kind of defeat the purpose of waking up this early to avoid family drama.
I want the one that makes me look the least trashy but also avoids confusion. It's a coin flip, there's usually a spontaneous switch up I'm sure is engineered to fuck with me but is dismissed by mom as me 'being paranoid'. Not that she cares about any of us other than sources of alimony but it'd be nice if I got some support in this house for once. Fuck it, Low Pony before I overthink it more.
I reach for my pills and knock them back, dry swallowing. Un-sabotaged I hope, but a recent move doesn't tend to leave much energy for that. I prepped the day before, my backpack's packed and by the bedroom door. I dress myself in a form fitting blue shirt and jeans that I'd picked out the night prior, throw on my zip-up hoodie and there we go, school ready.
Let's get this over with. I slip quickly and silently out of my bedroom and I'm equally as slick as I pad softly down the stairs. I'm mentally congratulating myself halfway down, stupidly, and maybe that's why I don't hear the steps behind me before I feel someone push me--hard.
The feeling that comes with the pain as I tumble down the stairs is one of frustration that I'm gonna have to force myself to swallow. If the pain in my ribs wasn't so acute I might dramatically sigh in exasperation. Already off to an awesome first day.
"So I told that ho to watch it cus parole or not I'd 1000% drive my car through her house to make a point."
It's kind of nuts that on my first day I find the dealer who also happens to be the craziest bitch in school. She's entertaining though, no doubt about that.
It's different, I guess. Hard to feel any type of way about anything when you move around so much, or in general, but I get the feeling sticking around Emily will at least keep me either high out of my mind or from being bored out of my mind.
"I can't imagine doing all that for a dude but I respect the energy."
The blonde adderall vendor--Emily, she said her name was--grins at me. "Nah, see it's principle, dude or not I'd do it for nothing if she disrespected me any other way."
Note to self, do not fuck with this chick. Another thing going from school to school teaches you is to pick your targets, and this girl seems like she'd bury you alive for aiming in her general direction. Or maybe just because she felt like it. Helps though that I'm pretty sure she likes me, I somehow doubt she goes into rambly stories about girls she's stabbed for drugs or money or dudes to just any new girl.
"Fair enough," I reply, reaching up to adjust my hair tie that held my high ponytail together.
"Where're you from originally then?"
"Oregon? I think?" I sigh, I fucking hate this question. "I dunno after like the third school in the second state in a year shit just blends together."
Emily nods and looks off to the side. "Can't super relate but I bounced back and forth between 'rents for a while till my dad finally got his stupid ass locked up last year. I've been strictly a one school bitch now, no more goofy 'alternating schools' shit."
"Damn, can't imagine having two shitty parents." I comment drily, picking at Emily's shitty looking lunch entree.
She pushes it to me without even looking in my direction. I don't see the need to dick measure and mention that my mom has had more than half as many husbands as years I've been alive so technically I've had a LOT more than two. Besides, doing that would acknowledge that ANY of those losers were my dads, which, haha, no.
"What classes ya got?" The interrogation continues as I pick food off her tray.
I shrug. "Dunno, been skippin' em." Prolly shouldn't be doing that but competition of The Disappointment of the Family is not that stiff when you're a girl.
You're either a 26 year old overweight pedophile guy who lives in his parents' basement or you're a girl with a standard BMI equivalent of a weightlifting bar who misses classes sometimes, so obviously it's the latter that's the problem. Fuck I've witnessed firsthand that even if I did attend classes it wouldn't mean shit so I'd be a fucking dipshit to try. So I just don't. I do what I want when I feel like it and if someone doesn't like it they can get fucked.
"Oh sick I thought you were lame." Literally how, we just met. "When I saw you hangin' out with Jeffrey and talkin' to him I thought you must be some kinda weirdo."
Oh. Of course...I sigh. "I don't know who that is."
"Big glasses, bowl cut, stands like the hunchback dude from the disney movie?"
Is there another movie about that guy what was with the 'disney' qualifier? "Nope, doesn't ring a bell."
"Denial, smart. Think I saw your hair and clothes different too so he must've been EXTRA creepy. If you want me to just say the word and I'll get his ass for you."
Huh. All in all even though I had an annoying start to the morning I'm having a pretty decent first day so far. Skipping's been interesting, I know where to get drugs now, and I already got a fuckin attack dog. Maybe I won't kill myself just yet. "I'll keep it in mind, you're pretty cool Emily."
"You're not so bad yourself, uh..."
"Nicole."
A thought darts through my mind, something unhinged that I'd only think to ask a particularly unhinged bitch. "Hey, do me a favor?"
"You got the first addie free already bitch what more do you want?"
"No no it's not about that. Weird ask actually, but next time you see me could you sock me in the gut?"
This earns me a blank stare, expectedly. "The fuck?"
"Yeah like, as hard as you can. Like you're trying to punch through me."
She narrows her eyes at me, almost like she's trying to intuit some ulterior motive, but then her toothy shark grin returns. "Oh so you're some kinda painslut, I get it. Pretty fuckin bold askin' straight up but not gonna lie that's hot as fuck...Eh, sure, what the hell."
"Yeah no what can I say normal porn just doesn't do it for me anymore." I deadpan, satisfied with the little arrangement I'd made.
I stand up, nodding at the messy haired blonde. "Cool talking to you, I'm gonna do some more wandering before I get caught and have to go to class."
"Hey, whatever you say Nicole, don't lemme catch you out too soon~!" There's a clear flirty undertone in her voice that makes me unsure if she's being genuine or fucking with me so I just nod and walk off.
Emily IS cool, I wasn't lying when I said that, but she's a lot, definitely not someone I'd find myself hanging out with on the reg. Honestly if I can't find someone cool to skip with I might just call this whole thing off altogether and go back on the whole 'not killing myself' thing but hey, I'm optimistic. Emily can't be the only interesting thing in this school.
Okay. Rough start to the morning, but hasn't been too bad so far. Crispin was boring, but he didn't give off rapey vibes. Jeffrey was...kind of pathetic to be honest? There's clearly something going on at home, if I'm real he kinda creeps me out but it's also hard not to feel a lil bad for the kid. Kylar... I'm just gonna not, with that guy, as much as possible.
Not exactly 'the lifelong connections you build in high school' but it's a bit of a far cry from 'skinheads complimenting the pure color of your eyes' so it's like, a step up from most schools I've been to, first day wise? I think?
Of course I'm walking with a limp from my little... 'fall', which isn't great but it could be worse! Silver linings right? My dad was all about that shit.
"Hey, you're new right?"
I turn to see a redhead scurrying up to match my strides, hugging a set of books to her chest. Is it mean to say it's very obvious that she's not a natural redhead? "That obvious?" I try to sound more lighthearted than I feel, first impressions and all that.
"Haha, y-yeah most folks around here grew up here and it's not that big a town so we all basically went to the same school since 1st grade."
I try for a smile, keeping my eyes forward. "Never thought I'd be lucky to move around so much. Having to grow up with my family is torture as is, can't imagine growing up with a bunch of annoying strangers who knew you when you were sticking crayons up your nose."
The girl laughs. "I-I uh, I never thought of it like that, ahaha."
Her nervousness kind of makes me nervous, and suddenly I'm self conscious about my height. My shoulders feel broad as fuck all of a sudden. Was I that imposing, or was my voice off? Seriously why was she so--
"Oh, s-so, almost forgot, heh, my name's Ari. What's your name, new girl?"
Oh. 'New Girl'. So I was worried over nothing, thank god. I shift to adjust the weight of my backpack, turning my head to look into Ari's eyes. A striking pair of lavender irises gaze curiously into my blue ones. Fuck, I'm gay. I clear my throat and hope my blush isn't as obvious as it feels. "Oh, I'm--"
"Oh hey Nicole!"
"Hu--AUGH!"
My entire body locks up when I feel this chick's bony fist rocket upward into my stomach, so hard I swear her knuckles make contact with my spine for the briefest of moments. "JESUS CHRIST EMILY!" Ari's exclamation is barely caught by my rocked nervous system, too busy rerouting its energy toward reacting the vicious uppercut to my gut to focus much on hearing.
Thank god I skipped breakfast, before I even hit the ground I'm retching saliva and bile and I think blood, convulsing on the ground as my attacker crouches over me. "Damn, you're really cute like that babe, that honestly felt pretty good but it feels better seein' you make that kinda face."
I can't speak, I think my moving mouth is trying to form words but it's coming out gasps and croaks. My face is on the cool tile of the floor so I can only really see her out of the corner of my eye, a blonde with shaggy messy hair, grinning down at me sadistically.
"Shit, I might pay you for the privilege, hit me up next time you want me to hit you again, 'kay~? Might be some free drugs in it for ya." She stands. "Don't your dare go askin' other girls either, I think what we got is pretty damn special."
I stop looking at her, eyes glazed over as the agony subsides into regular grueling pain as I realize what this is, what exactly happened. I just kinda. Stay there, long after Emily leaves, inert as people pass uncaringly by my prone form or comment on if I'm in the special ed class and don't understand that I can't sleep there.
"...N-Nicole?" Oh, Ari's still here though, that's nice I guess.
The desire not to look even more pathetic than I already do spurs me to roll onto my stomach, groaning as a sharp pain lances through me. Guh, that Emily bitch had a mean haymaker, she definitely broke a rib, I'm gonna need to go to Urgent Care I think.
"She said you...a-asked her to hit you? ...Why would you do that?"
"Ah...because..." I wheeze, getting on wobbly hands and knees. "My name's n-not Nicole, it's Natalie."
"H-Huh?"
I take a deep breath and hope I don't puncture a lung, getting to unsteady feet. "Yeah, uh." I lean against a nearby locker to steady myself, smiling awkwardly. "Nicole's my twin sister."
Earlier
"Ow...fuck..." I gingerly pick myself up at the base of the stairs.
I wince when the weight I put on my right leg brings a noticeable discomfort. "The fuck, Nicole..."
"What bitch you think I didn't hear your fat ass lumbering around the room like fucking bigfoot?"
Ugh, we were basically the same weight. Is what I tell myself but it didn't stop Nicole from leaning on my ED whenever she wanted to needle me. Bitch. I try to ignore it. "Okay shit, so I wake you up by accident and you try to kill me???"
"God I know you're 'out and proud' or whatever but you don't have to be such a faggot about everything. I waited till you were halfway down the stairs, you're FINE."
I sigh. Fuck this was so exhausting. But I swallow my anger like I always do. "Nicho--Nicole goes through a lot" mom tells me, "and you're both going through your whole...phase", wild way to describe something that keeps us from killing ourselves but go off, "you should lean on each other instead of coming to me for every disagreement. I'm not always gonna be around you know."
The fact that she wasn't really around in the first place aside, she wasn't wrong. Nicole HAD been through a lot. And...I feel guilty, I guess. 5 seconds older so call it a big sister complex but I've been protecting her since we were little. So I tolerate this bullshit more than I probably should. "Maybe don't steal my clothes and you won't have your little 'falls', you clumsy ass cow." Even when she makes it REALLY hard.
I sigh. "I'm the only one who bothers to clean up the room, maybe put away your own damn clothes if you don't want me to mix them up."
She glares at me from on high, and I know somehow I'm gonna pay for that later. "What the 2 extra Xs in size didn't clue you in? Maybe get your fuckin head checked then because all those falls might've given you brain damage!"
"NICHOLAS! NATHAN! I HAVE A COFFEE DATE THIS MORNING SO KNOCK IT OFF!" We both cringe simultaneously.
Ugh. "Bitch." We both mutter.
That puts me thoroughly in the camp of 'fucking over it' so I look up at her tiredly. "We done here, Nicole?"
She holds her glare, like she's trying to melt me with her mind or some shit, or maybe thinking of more invectives to hurl at me. "Whatever." She grumbles, storming off to our bedroom.
I sigh and lean down to grab my backpack, careful not to disturb my right leg. Awesome start to the fucking day.