Chapter Text
Chapter 1
May 17, 2015
I can’t believe I’m actually doing this right now but the Internet tells me it’s good for your feelings and shit. I call BS but I dunno, maybe this will make into a good book or something down the line. Ha, watch me get rich of my boring as fuck life. Anyway, introductions are probably in order; my name’s Levi Ackerman. I live in New York City and I own a tea shop in Times Square. The little thing is my pride and joy… I have two friends who help me run it, Farlon and Isabel. Those two are great and we’ve been friends for a while. Isabel had the weirdest fucking name for it and because of a horrible drunken bet, I was forced to name my shop Titan’s Tea. She probably was dropped on her head as a baby multiple times because I have not met anyone with a weirder imagination.
So, yeah. That’s just about it. I dunno when I’m gonna write in this thing to be honest. I tend to forget about these journals because (nothing remotely interesting happens to me) I’m a busy guy.
-Levi
May 27, 2015
I’m in the hospital and my heart still feels like it’s about to beat out of my chest and into the Hudson. I left my shop for lunch today, right? Went to Chipotle, bought a bowl, and was walking back. Same thing I do every fucking day. I was going past the One Times Square building and I guess they were changing the ball or doing something up there. Whatever it was, there was a large crowd gathered to watch. So I was just minding my business and then I hear screams and loud shouting. I look up, and guess what? I see the fucking New Year’s ball plummeting straight down on top of me! I jumped back and tripped, falling and regrettably dropping my lunch. Then the thing slams into cement and breaks, sending its shrapnel straight to me. I managed to cover my face so it wasn’t harmed but my leg got fucked. Which is why I’m in the hospital. Doc said I literally just avoided surgery on it but they’re keeping me overnight just in case. I’ve never been so close to death before it’s a weird
May 28, 2015
I fell asleep yesterday. Sorry. Must’ve been those pain meds. Apparently, I’m on TV because of this, or at least that’s what Isabel told me. Farlon says we’re getting a new stream of customers too as a bright side. Maybe this accident wasn’t all that bad. Still though, I can’t stop thinking about it. If I was just one second late in looking up… If I ignored the other people like I normally do… I would’ve died. That thing would have killed me and I’d just be gone…forever. I just shuddered thinking about the possibility. I do not want that to happen, no thank you. I have friends and a tea shop waiting for me.
-Levi
May 29, 2015
I’m out of the hospital. I’m only kind of glad though, even though it was filled with sick people, it was really clean. The tea was absolute shit though. Guess I’m really glad then; I dodged a bullet there. Or maybe a ball. Ha, I’m funny.
-Levi
June 10, 2015
I had another run in with Death today. The bus almost made me into a pancake and to top that off, the fucking bus driver had the audacity to claim he couldn’t see me. I was right in front of the fucking thing. I call bullshit; in fact, if I had my head up my ass and a bottomless pit of money, I’d sue. But I have nothing but the cash my tea shop generates so yeah, that’s a stupid ass decision. Also, I don’t have my head up my ass. I wish I had someone’s though; I could go for a good fuck.
-Levi
June 20, 2015
You know, I’m genuinely surprised that I keep writing in this. Maybe the Internet was right about it helping calm your shit. Then again, I happen to notice that every time I do write in here, it’s because I almost died. Now is no exception either, even at 3 in the fucking morning. I went to a club last night, or this morning really, with Farlon as my wingman. I was looking to bring someone home, fuck around, and knockout. So around 2, I headed to the bathroom to take a leak and as I was washing hands, I look up and see this guy in the mirror, who looks way too dressed up to be in a shitty nightclub without ulterior motives,. Like, the guy was in a full white tux, complete with white shoes and teal bowtie with really messy looking brown hair. On second thought, it actually looked more like sex hair. Maybe he got a quickie in a stall; I know someone was. The weirdest part were his eyes though; I swear they were the brightest Caribbean blue I’ve ever seen. It was like they were glowing. Anyway though, so I look away from him in the mirror to get a paper towel and dry my hands. It was only for a goddamn second, I swear! When I looked back, he was gone. I know the bastard didn’t leave, I was at the sink by the door. I don’t know what you call that shit other than weird but that happened.
But wait, there’s more. Remember how I said I almost died? Yeah well skipping to the fun part, I turned to leave the bathroom and when I opened the door, there’s this big ass fire filling the club. I couldn’t see or hear anyone but it wasn’t like I was going to try and save them; one too many near-death experiences made me keen to stay away from “heroic” acts. I tried to stumble out but the fire was pretty intense and everywhere. I couldn’t leave the burning club nor find at least a window for air, seeing as the smoke was starting to get to me. I don’t remember much after that really, I woke up on an ambulance stretcher briefly then passed out again. Farlon said I worried him when he lost sight of me and the fire happened to break out. They don’t know what started the fire but apparently I was the only one stuck in the building. What the fuck?
-Levi
June 27, 2015
I swear, never again. Nile’s Pizza will never again cross the threshold of my abode. It is dead to me, just like how I am almost dead from the fucking food poisoning. Ugh, such assholes. But you know who’s a bigger asshole? The fucking rich guy from the club. I saw him yesterday as I paid the delivery guy, leaning against a taxi in his white suit and teal tie and glowing blue eyes. What the fuck?
-Levi
July 1, 2015
Alright, I think someone is out to get me. A normal person should not be having near-death experiences this much. I don’t know what his fucking issue is with me, I’ve never seen him before in my life. And by him, I don’t mean God though I don’t know why he has decided to shit on me either. I mean the suit guy. I saw him again this morning as I was running through Central Park like I do every other day, this time at the fountain. Even though this time it was almost my fault, I got distracted and ran off the path and some shit head decided to place a bear trap (again what the fuck?) right where my left foot steps down.
And it’s not a near-death experience unless there’s blood, right? (Yes.) The fucking thing cuts an artery in my ankle and suddenly, there is blood fucking everywhere. I didn’t want to try pulling the trap out because then there’d be more blood so I just sat on my ass and called 911 for another time. Meanwhile, the bright eyed dick had oh so conveniently disappeared.
-Levi
July 3, 2015
Farlon and Isabel are getting worried about me. I’m just glad that they finally are seeing that someone is out to get me.
-Levi
July 4, 2015
Today’s near-death experience was patriotic fireworks with a side of Bright Eyed Dick! Fuck my life.
-Levi
July 27, 2015
I got in a car crash a two weeks ago. My head went through the windshield and I have a pretty bad concussion hence why I didn’t write in here. I swear though, I saw him again. In a Lamborghini behind me. I don’t understand why someone with so much money would go after me? Like go play golf and be pretentious away from me, thanks. I’m still in the hospital but Farlon and Isabel have been staying with me. I’m going to sleep.
-Levi
August 5, 2015
I’ve been discharged and I don’t care what anyone else says, I’m becoming a hermit. I’ll eat the food from my shop and just stay inside. Bright Eyed Dick is out for me, yet no one seems to believe my story, even Farlon. I can tell that he and Isabel are “believing” it to try to calm me down but I see right through their bullshit attempts. I may be marked for death but I’m not an idiot.
-Levi
August 26, 2015
I successfully have not had an attempt at my life for 21 days. Not going to lie, I’m more stressed out because of it. I feel like it’s going to happen every time I turn a corner. Fuck my life.
-Levi
August 27, 2015
The one fucking time I leave my apartment. The one fucking time. Walk out to get the mail because Farlon and Isabel have refused to bring it to me in their feeble attempts at getting me to come outside. I walk outside, gather the mail, and begin to walk back to my apartment door and of course some prick just has to drive onto the sidewalk.
I am now nursing a broken leg and I hate everything.
-Levi
September 2, 2015
I snapped today. I thought I saw Bright Eyes in my shop, so I yelled at him to leave me the hell alone and get the fuck out of my shop.
It wasn’t Bright Eyes, just a groomsman of a nearby wedding. He left without paying. Fucking asshole.
-Levi
September 6, 2015
Isabel and Farlon say I seem a bit tense. Gee, I wonder why.
-Levi
September 8, 2015
The shop got robbed last night. The fuckers destroyed everything and stabbed me when I went down to investigate the noise. I’m in the hospital (my second fucking home at this point) and I think I may have to close Titan’s Tea. I can’t pay to replace everything with all these hospital bills.
-Levi
September 17, 2015
The best thing in my life is now shut down.
-Levi
September 24, 2015
I think I’m going to move. I can’t pay rent, even with the two jobs I’m working. Being out of the city will be good. Less chances at death I suppose. I found a townhouse that’s pretty cheap in a nearby suburb, Trost. It’s in Pennsylvania so maybe not too close to New York but that’s okay. If Farlon and Isabel want to visit, it’s only like 2 hours away. Besides, maybe if I move, it’ll throw Bright Eyes off.
-Levi
October 3, 2015
It is Halloween season. I almost got out the pumpkin spice stuff but then I remembered, I don’t have a shop anymore. I’m moving at the end of the month so I plan to enjoy this one thoroughly.
-Levi
October 5, 2015
Y THE FUCK IS THE WORLD OUT 2 KILL MEEEEE?! I NEVER DONE NOTHING WRONG IN MY LIFE EXCEPTBEADICKAND AN ASSHOLE TO EVERY1 WHEN IM PISSED OFF. STILL THO, THEY DON’T FUCKING WARRANT THIS. WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME??????FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK
FU CK
F C
October 6, 2015
So…
I’m sober now but I think the last entry sums up my inner feelings pretty well. I am also thinking of getting a cat; even I admit it, I need company to stop whatever happened last night from happening again.
-Levi
October 14, 2015
I got a cat. It’s actually really cute. His name is Danchou and he’s a brown tabby. He’s a fairly large cat and has taken to sitting on my shoulder when I’m making dinner or typing up reports. Thankfully he’s not an outdoor cat, so he just stays in the apartment and explores. Now I just need lint rollers; the thing sheds an entire coat like every fucking hour.
In other deathly news, my toaster caught fire. I’ve started to keep the fire extinguisher on the counter since this is the third fire this week. Bright Eyes is going to have to do better than that (although, I haven’t seen him so it just be my bad toasting skills); at this point any kid in a half-assed Halloween costume could have done better. If I’m going to die by his jewelry-ladened hand, it had better be in a flashy, news worthy way dammit.
-Levi
October 25, 2015
There are some days I am really glad I’m moving out of the city but then there are some I get a little sad. Today is not one of those days. Get me the fuck out of here as soon as possible. Living in NYC means that there is perpetual construction at least somewhere. Which brings me to today’s nearest death encounter.
So, I was doing my day job (delivering flowers) to this person’s house and I used Siri to give me directions to the client’s house. For the most part, I trust Siri so when she tells me that this is the fastest route, I believe her. And just my fucking luck (which fucking sucks), this street has construction going on my side but a sidewalk shed on the right. I decided to cross the street and duck under the sidewalk shed. This was the worst fucking decision I could have made.
I’m walking and I’m almost at the end. It’s literally an arm length or two away from me. But some fucking inclination forces me to turn my head and I find those Caribbean blue eyes AGAIN staring me down as he sits on a black Ecosse Superbike waiting for the light to turn green. I’m pretty sure my mouth dropped open but not because of his leather jacket that tightened around his arms when he flexed them or his skinny white jeans that honestly really do his ass justice… Wait I derailed. I meant that my jaw dropped open because of that bike. I’m been saving money for a bike like that my whole life but I know I’ll never afford it, even when I’m 70. Hell that money is probably going to become my retirement fund.
But getting back to the point, I saw Bright Eyes and he grins and then I hear creaking. The fucking shed is breaking over my head. A few metal sheets start dropping behind me so I clutched the flower (if I lost another one due to accidents, my boss made it clear I didn’t have to come back) and I fucking ran. Of course, a pole drops down and nicks right above my eyebrow and a wooden board that falls behind me catches my ankle. Even though the wounds aren’t deep or anything, they still start bleeding like a bitch. I’m used to this so I take out a few first aid supplies I have to keep in my pocket and treat my injuries. People were staring in shock; I’m not sure if it was at the accident or the way I handled it. I don’t really care. At least I didn’t get my uniform dirty.
-Levi
October 27, 2015
WHY THE FUCK ARE HEDGE TRIMMERS A THING?? MY LIFE JUST FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES. I WAS IN CENTRAL PARK, JOGGING LIKE I DO EVERY OTHER DAMN MORNING AND THERE’S THIS GUY TRIMMING A HEDGE. I KEEP JOGGING LIKE THERE ISN’T ANYTHING STRANGE GOING ON AND THEN BRIGHT EYES IS THERE, STANDING IN LINE FOR ICE CREAM, WATCHING ME PER FUCKING USUAL. THEN THERE’S A SNAP AND A CRY OF WARNING BEFORE I TURN MY HEAD AND A BELT OF LITTLE SHARP BLADES GRAZES JUST PAST MY THROAT!!!
I DIDN’T STAY. I BOLTED OUT OF THERE LIKE AN OLYMPIC SPRINTER AND GOT MY ASS INTO A SHOWER. I’m still shaking and the adrenaline has not worn off yet. This was entirely way too close. Wayyyy to close.
-Levi
October 31, 2015
I think Bright Eyes might be reading this journal because he just showed up in my fucking apartment in the microwave door’s reflection and then my oven burst into flames. He definitely did better. On the other hand, I suffered burns to my chest and leg but thankfully they weren’t that severe. I am extremely glad to be moving tomorrow because I don’t know what could happen if Bright Eyes starts appearing in my house. I’d probably lose whatever sanity I have left. Ugh, I hate him. Bright Eyes is an asshole with a cute ass that the universe sent to torture me I think. He’ll be the death of me, no pun included.
Danchou got freaked out by the fire and won’t come out from under my bed. My Halloween festivities with Farlon and Isabel had to wait until we could coax him out. He’s even cuter when he’s scared, I’ve realized. I love my cat, hahaha.
-Levi