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The party went better than most had expected; Adrian was the only one who had been confident it would go well. And it did, for him at least. Chris had disappeared and taken his wake with him—Emilia following close behind as he stormed out of the office, Leota caught between professionalism and friendship and choosing the latter. ‘Talk’ was a poor description of what they were doing, as even from inside the Checkmate office the sound of Chris’ bitter yelling could be heard. Adrian couldn’t stop himself from smirking; he’d had his fair share of breakdowns as things had spiralled, in private and in public once (or twice), and it did feel good to know that Chris would have his turn at making a spectacle of himself.
‘What’d you do?’ Rip asks casually, not even finishing the food in his mouth as he talks. Adrian’s smirk turns into a grimace.
‘Me?’ Adrian queries. He hadn’t expected anybody to know it was his fault Chris had left in a squall of tears. But then again Chris was Evergreen’s bleeding heart and with all the bloody mess he has a habit of shrouding himself in it figures that Rip would have noticed.
Rip rolls his eyes and continues to eat his complimentary Cheetos by the fistful.
When Leota returns, the grim smile on her face is a toothy dam holding her back from screaming. She avoids Adrian like the plague, which Adrian thinks is a bit unfair considering he hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t said any of the cruel words that have swarmed around his brain the past few months, words not even half as cruel as Chris’, because even if Adrian doesn’t have feelings he still cares.
‘Hey,’ John says. Oh, yeah, John. Adrian exhales deeply, happy to see his new friend. Maybe even his new best friend? He’s pretty confident John would be willing to be his best friend, especially after tonight.
‘Hey!’ Adrian replies. ‘I’m going to head to my place but then I can come to yours.’
‘Okay,’ John says but there is a sullen note to his voice.
‘Okay,’ Adrian repeats with a frown. He hates ending a conversation with okay, it’s such a nothing word. Adrian’s not sure he even knows what it means to be okay. Okays are for acknowledgement mid-conversation, not goodbyes. Adrian searches John’s face, and his disappointment is clearly evident. An okay as a goodbye means something, but to get the definition from John would be more difficult than killing a kaiju, and Adrian’s pretty sure a kaiju would kill him.
After their exchange, John says his goodbyes to the rest of the office and heads out. Adrian can feel Sasha watching him afterwards, so he offers her a small wave while he helps Leota clean up. Leota all but refuses to look at him, and when Adrian offers to take the trash out he is ignored.
When Adrian gets home his mother doesn’t say anything. This is their new thing apparently; mom wants him to prove he cares by asking how she is every day. She told him as much once, but he didn’t believe her at first. And then a whole 3 days had gone by so his mother made a fuss. Since then, he has been asking (usually) because he doesn’t mind, and it seems to make her easier to deal with if he remembers to ask. Tonight, he doesn’t ask; he runs into the house and is out within 6 minutes. She sniffs and finishes her tea with a pout.
Adrian returns to his car, where he rests his head again the steering wheel and breathes. Deep, slow breaths, like the ones John takes when he can’t get words out, when he’s choking on his own tongue, and Adrian can’t help but wonder if those two sound the same—when he can’t find the words and when he can’t make any at all. Adrian starts up his car and begins his journey.
Adrian was ready for the holidays to be over after tonight. Even if it still wouldn’t be Christmas for another two days, they would be plenty over for him after giving this one last gift. Soon the decorations and the wrapping paper and the leftover food that never gets eaten would be discarded, thrown away just like he had been. If one man’s trash was another man’s treasure, Adrian hoped John was man enough to treasure him.
When Adrian makes it to John’s front door, he hesitates before ringing the doorbell. He’s thankful he bought the longer winter coat he is wearing because it is bitterly cold this evening. Adrian’s jittery, and he’s shaking with chills. He’s not nervous, just agitated.
This isn’t his first time here but tonight feels different. John had actually invited him over, made the request so bashfully that it made the hairs on the back of Adrian’s neck stand up. That’s how he knew when things were important—he couldn’t always tell exactly why, but when the energy shifted his electroreception would pick up on it and let him know. That’s what sharks use, and Adrian can see the cold-blooded predator inside of himself.
Adrian had accepted the invitation cautiously, and now it was the day, now it was the time, but he still couldn’t manage to press the doorbell and summon John. Ringing the doorbell meant starting something new; crossing the threshold of John’s doorway would usher in a new understanding of the world. One where John stood at the centre of it all.
Adrian wasn’t stupid. He knew what John wanted: if not from his words then his arduous glances, heavy with a longing that felt larger than Adrian himself. John looks at Adrian like he could consume him, have him all to himself and leave nothing remaining. Adrian’s not sure what there is inside of him to desire, but the way John watches him makes him aware that there is something inside of his hollow skin. Adrian’s chest tightens and he’s not sure if it’s his attire or the thought that John wants to know his insides.
With a deep breath, Adrian rings the doorbell. He has plenty of time to exhale, long and deep just the way John does, because it takes John a moment to get to the door. When he finally does, Adrian can breathe again because John is right there, looking down at him but not looking down at him, really looking anywhere but directly at Adrian’s face while his own is slick with trepidation.
‘You can- you can come in,’ John says, a benediction and revelation all at once. John has given him the option without command. It’s Adrian’s choice to cross the lip of the door, to walk into the threshold and to wade into John’s waters. Adrian worries, briefly, that he might drown.
For Adrian, making the decision is harder than taking the step. Once he’s made a decision he refuses to doubt himself—living the kind of life where regret is indulged sounds like a life hardly lived at all. He steps into the house and closes the door on his past: on Chris and the hurt. It’s just him and John now. Alone and together.
When Adrian comes in, John is already halfway out of the foyer, moving fast enough to look like he is escaping. There is an expression on his lips that pulls them so tight that Adrian can’t even see them between his moustache and beard. It means something for sure, but Adrian can’t identify it. He follows John into the living room, where he’s sitting on the sofa with a bag in his hand.
‘I uh, I got you something,’ John mumbles, and Adrian strains to listen. The next words are even quieter: ‘I thought you might…’ John trails off. He’s not sure what he was going to say. Need, probably; enjoy, maybe. Does Adrian enjoy things other than killing people?
‘Oh!’ Adrian hadn’t been expecting anything: making this step had seemed like enough of a gift.
‘Do you want to wait until Christmas?’
‘I don’t care,’ Adrian says bluntly, but then he clarifies: ‘I don’t care either way, I’m just happy you got me something.’
John perks up. ‘Well, I… it seemed only fair.’
John hands Adrian the large gift bag, one that isn’t particularly festive—it says happy birthday across the front and it isn’t Adrian’s birthday. But it is teal, which Adrian thinks John most likely went out of his way to find. Without hesitation, Adrian tears into the tissue paper, flinging it onto the floor as he searches for his surprise gifts. If it bothers John he doesn’t say anything, just watches on with cautious anticipation as Adrian reveals his presents.
Adrian pulls the items out one by one, delighted by the fact he’s receiving gifts but uncertain why they were chosen for him. A very soft blanket with an image of a mountain on it, a water bottle, and a canvas bag. It’s only when he gets to the magazine at the bottom that it he finds something that he can tell was meant for him.
‘National Geographic?’ Adrian asks, a bright smile on his face. ‘I love these magazines!’
John clears his throat, but his words still come out wobbly. ‘It’s a year long subscription. They’ll be delivered to my house so um, you can come over and read them when you want to? But also you can have them of course, I just…’
‘Thank you so much,’ Adrian says, his voice softer than John has ever heard it. When John glances at him, Adrian is looking over his presents with something akin to wonder. He runs his hand over the blanket, smiling to himself.
‘You’re welcome, Adrian,’ John responds. He’s confident that he made a good choice. And even though it stings that Adrian bought everyone else gifts except for him, knowing he bought something that has brought Adrian joy is a present in its own right.
‘Is this where I give you your present?’ Adrian asks.
John is startled from his thoughts. ‘Oh, I thought… I was worried you hadn’t….’
‘I didn’t,’ Adrian says bluntly.
‘Oh.’ John's expression falls. Of course not.
‘You told me not to,’ Adrian explains. He had thought it was weird when John said it, but John did say not to get him anything.
‘Oh, um, I guess…’ John trails off, heat blooming across his face. He has a habit of saying stupid shit and forgetting he said it at all.
‘That’s what you said: you told me "'you don’t have to get me anything". How was I supposed to know?’ Adrian now knows it was one of those situations where he was supposed to ‘read between the lines’, but he’s a man of his word and expects his friend to be as well. Saying things you don’t mean is something everyone else does, but he’d rather John shake that habit sooner rather than later.
John is panicking but trying his best not to show it, forming a tight smile as to keep the self-flagellating deluge from escaping. He’s so upset he could scream: all of this because he couldn’t stop himself from dismissing Adrian’s care. All Adrian has ever done is try to get closer with him, and John just keeps pushing him away. This crush that he has threatens to crack his ribcage open with the weight of it.
‘I did get myself something, though,’ Adrian says wistfully.
John might have whiplash from how quickly he looks over at Adrian. Adrian catches his eyes and can watch the impulse to look away spark across John’s face, and the struggle as John resists it. John licks his lips. ‘Yeah?’
‘I can show you if you want me to.’ Adrian is having fun with this banter. He wonders how far he can push this newfound position of power. It’s about time that John learns to ask for what he wants directly instead of hiding behind all the silly rules and niceties that civil society has forced upon him. Adrian wants John to be honest, completely so, with his tongue and his body alike.
John’s mouth is dry, and he only notices as he struggles to get the words out: ‘Yes, please.’
Adrian makes a pleased noise, a huff and a laugh at the same time. His finger caresses the top button of his winter coat. He undoes the first one, watching John carefully. John is enraptured by the sight; as the second button is undone, more of Adrian’s porcelain skin is revealed. The hunger in John’s eyes is so ravenous that Adrian wonders if he might be eaten alive—coat and all.
When Adrian reaches the button at his navel, John’s simmering gaze feels like it could melt him. If John were a metahuman, Adrian’s certain that his laser vision would have seared straight through his core by now, pierced through his flesh and warmed him from the outside in. It makes Adrian shudder, the thought of John needing him so desperately that he couldn’t stop himself from consuming everything he could from Adrian, eviscerating him with devotion. Adrian’s cock twitches against the lace enshrouding it.
He's never been desired, not like this. Any past hookups Adrian had were all driven by fleeting passion, a need for flesh and Adrian willing to be useful. Needing to be useful, maybe, but Adrian would never admit he needed anything at all. Except this. Possibly. Adrian’s not sure he could ever go without this again.
As Adrian reaches the last button, he senses that if he doesn’t undo it John might reach across the space between them and tear it off himself. John’s eyes are dark, wide and deep and engulfing Adrian in the sheer vastness of his desire. The sliver of skin that John can see, along the centre line of Adrian’s body, is enough to make John risk anything to see what else lies beneath.
Adrian’s finger stalls on the final button, flicking It under his nail as he teases it. John’s eyes snap to his face, and Adrian’s breath is stolen by the vortex within them. He’s certain that John wants to devour him.
‘Tell me what you want,’ Adrian commands. He wants to hear it. He wants John to beg for him, for his desperation to be laid bare at his personal god’s feet. Adrian is dizzy with the power thrumming along his skin; he thinks he will spark if he is touched.
‘I want,’ John begins before pausing to lick his lips again. It’s Adrian’s favourite habit of his, he loves to see the slutty pinkness of John's tongue. ‘I want- I want you. I want to see you.’
Adrian inhales sharply, his own hunger aching along the inside of his chest. He wants to be seen.
Adrian pushes the button through its hole, relieving the tension and allowing the coat to come undone on its own. John can see a glimpse of teal and lace; his heart skips a beat. As he begins to pull the bulky coat from his shoulders, the revealed skin is coated in John’s heady desire, a humidity that dews along Adrian’s flesh. The coat falls to the floor, and John sucks in a breath.
Adrian is a vision in teal, the straps and ribbons adorning his flesh just tight enough to leave grooves along his musculature, binding him slightly. The lace straps outline Adrian’s glorious chest, framing his pectoral muscles and his rosy nipples. The fabric of the lingerie’s bodice is mostly see-through with floral details obscuring some, but certainly not all, of Adrian’s body. Even through the obstructive pattern, John can see details: Adrian’s taut muscles, his cock straining against the webbing of the fabric.
The bodysuit was clearly made for women, so Adrian’s balls hang through what should be an opening for vaginal access. In another situation, John might have found it funny and teased Adrian for it. But here? All he can think about is how cold they might be and whether they would be more comfortable in his mouth.
Adrian sighs softly, and John looks up from his lascivious consumption to see Adrian, horrifically perfect Adrian, watching him with his bottom lip between his teeth. John’s certain Adrian likes to be watched, perhaps as much as John likes to watch him.
There’s a long moment of silence, where they both are content to remain: watching and being seen.
Adrian is the first to break it: ‘You’re going to have to tell me what you want.’
John fumbles, over his words. ‘What I want?’
‘Do you not want me?’
‘No, god, yes, I just, I don’t know…’ John can’t keep up with his own mouth, and he can feel a panicky nausea rising in his throat. He’s certain that he is going to fuck this up.
‘You don’t know if you want me?’ Adrian is toying with him. John is cute when he’s uncomfortable—he pulls on his own edges, collapsing inwards, protecting himself instinctually. John is so guarded that it makes Adrian feel extra important to be here, to get to see John at his most vulnerable.
‘No, I really—’ John is on the verge of tears. Adrian wants to see him cry; he wants to see him sob. If John needs him he should say it, he should say it again and again until he convinces Adrian that he means it. Adrian wants to see John make a mess of himself. ‘I don’t… I don’t know what I’m allowed to ask for.’
‘Anything.’ Adrian doesn’t hesitate, because he means it more than perhaps anything he’s ever said.
The flushing at the base of John’s neck has spread, creeping along his skin and now bringing a heavy blush to his cheeks. John isn’t sure what he wants, because he wants everything, anything and everything Adrian would consider doing to him he would accept. John’s mind is reeling, from seeing Adrian’s barely concealed body only inches from his face, from the obvious arousal emanating from him. He chooses to be honest: ‘I want… I want you.’
A vacuum is left in Adrian’s wake with the speed and force with which he pounces on John. In an instant, he’s straddling the older man’s lap, pressing his erection into John’s soft stomach as he bears down on him. Adrian is kissing along John’s neck so voraciously that his lips barely touch John’s skin—it’s almost entirely teeth, and tongue, and heat.
John releases a stuttering sigh, giving in to the sensation instead of resisting. Adrian is encouraged by the relaxation of John’s muscles, and he nuzzles into the spot along John’s jaw where his beard meets his wispy hair. With Adrian so close to John’s ear, he can hear some of the words that have been spilling from Adrian’s lips in a torrent: ‘You have me, I’m yours, I will be your everything, let me show you how much I want you.’ John shudders.
Adrian’s hands are insistent along John’s flesh, gripping him as if he is holding on for dear life, as if he is afraid John might slip through his fingers if he doesn’t hold on tight. The discomfort pales in comparison to the pleasure rippling through John as Adrian grinds against him and presses kiss-bites along John’s neck and shoulders. When Adrian emerges from his passion long enough to find John’s mouth, he kisses John like he is trying to steal the breath from his lungs. John tries to kiss him back but he can’t, not with Adrian shoving his tongue into his mouth and forcing his own into submission. Adrian’s hands are groping his chest, squeezing hard enough to tempt John into yelping but he can hardly make any noise other than broken moans without running the risk of choking on Adrian’s tongue.
When Adrian finally comes up for air, John’s head falls back limply to rest on the sofa. As he catches his breath, he watches Adrian’s frantic motions, his movements riding the bottom of John’s shirt up enough that he is now grinding his dewy erection against John’s bare stomach. The awareness of how slick Adrian is with desire, desire for him, makes John’s dick throb in turn. He looks up from the sight to meet Adrian’s eyes and finds that his face is alight with desire. Adrian’s eyes are half-lidded and his tongue lolls out of his mouth slightly as he concentrates on the friction of his cock against the lace and the warmth of John’s belly. John’s breath leaves his lungs once again.
Adrian’s hands work their way under John’s shirt, prompting John to take it off. John feels exposed at first, unwilling to reveal his body out of fear it will repulse Adrian. His doubts are dismissed almost immediately: the change has reignited Adrian’s fervour and he descends upon John’s exposed skin in a frenzy once again. Adrian tries to be gentle, truly he does, but he can’t help but mark along John’s chest as he consumes him for the first time. All the too-close hugs as ‘just friends’, all the late-night thoughts of what John looks like under his nondescript clothing, everything Adrian has pondered about the man beneath him is now knowable and he needs to know John.
He has already learned so much about him. Adrian now knows what makes him squirm, what makes him gasp, the desperate hushed sound of desire that John probably can’t even hear himself making. Adrian indulges himself in teasing John’s nipple between his teeth, and for the first time John resists him ever so slightly: bucking his hips and trying to pull away. But his efforts are in vain, as his involuntary thrust presses Adrian’s cock deeper into his plush stomach and his nipple scrapes against Adrian’s teeth. When John gasps, Adrian kisses him almost instantly, wanting to capture and devour John’s every reaction.
They continue like this for some time, John trying his best to endure Adrian’s zeal and Adrian insatiable in his desire. John learns new things about Adrian: when he grabs the back of Adrian’s hair for some leverage against his eagerness, Adrian moans. When John’s hand falls to the side of Adrian’s neck, Adrian moves it to his throat, teeth bared as the slight pressure makes him rub his leaking cock against John ever more desperately.
Eventually, Adrian wants more. John was content to let things continue like this, trying his best to put the inevitable next step out of his mind. John was certain he would say no, that he would set a boundary. But when Adrian asks, John can’t deny him: ‘I want all of you.’
John stiffens, and Adrian notices instantly. He all but leaps out of John’s lap, opting to kneel in front of him while he searches John’s face for reassurance as he worries he’s done something wrong. John doesn’t have it in himself to say the truth: that Adrian has done nothing wrong, that this is everything John could ever dream of but he’s too uncomfortable to accept it. That John is the one who is wrong, deeply and fundamentally wrong.
The silence between them is heavy, but it doesn’t feel pressured. With Adrian out of his lap, John can steady himself and actually think for the first time since this encounter began. But even with the clarity, John can’t get himself to say the truth. They could just make out forever, John could just suck Adrian’s dick and make him forget about ‘all’ of John. If John wasn’t so awkward and infatuated and terrified he could have passed this off quickly, he could have had this and Adrian and everything could have been perfect.
‘John?’ He snaps from his rumination to find Adrian looking up at him, his eyebrows draw together in concern.
‘I’m sorry,’ John says softly, looking down. He fixates his attention on the wet spot Adrian has left on his shirt so that he can avoid bursting into tears.
‘Sorry for what?’ Adrian doesn’t understand at all. He reaches a hand out to hold John’s thigh, firm and comforting. John’s not sure he deserves to be comforted.
‘I just…’ John trails off, looking up at the ceiling and exhaling deeply to try to keep the tears at bay. ‘I’m not… I’ve kept a secret from you.’
‘Okay,’ Adrian says evenly. Secrets aren’t always a bad thing, but when they are bad they are really bad. He steels his nerves in anticipation of what secret John might reveal.
‘I’m just…’ John’s hands gesture listlessly in the air. There’s no easy way to say it, and for most of his life he has successfully avoided this situation by eschewing intimate relations all together. ‘I’m not what you think I am.’
‘Uh, okay?’ Adrian says, exceptionally confused at this point. ‘Well, I think you’re John and you’re my friend. Is that not true?’
‘N-no, I mean, yes those are true,’ John’s making a mess of this. It was a mistake to even think he could do this. ‘I just, I don’t think… I’m-’
‘It’s okay,’ Adrian interjects. He rubs his hand along John’s thigh and smiles his reassurance-smile. ‘I like whatever it is that you are.’
John could cry: in fact, he almost does. The relief that Adrian’s words should bring is tempered by John’s awareness he hasn’t actually told Adrian the truth yet. John takes a deep breath, holding it in his chest until he can’t any longer. He finally musters the courage to tell Adrian the secret he thought he’d take to his grave: ‘I’m, uh, I’m transgender.’
‘Oh, okay!’ Adrian says, his expression unchanging. ‘Was that it?’
John is bewildered. Adrian is completely unphased by his revelation, and he suspects Adrian might not even know what that means. ‘Well, yeah, but it means I don’t… Well, I have um…’
‘I know what transgender means, dude,’ Adrian says, rolling his eyes.
John is flustered. He feels silly for being so anxious but he’s also frustrated by how flippant Adrian is being about all of this. ‘Yeah, but it means I have a, you know…’ John drops his voice to almost a whisper. ‘A vagina.’
‘Okay…?’ Adrian says blankly, tilting his head as he watches John force the words out.
‘That doesn’t bother you?’ John asks.
‘What? Why would it bother me?’ Adrian retorts, taken aback that John would think he is a bigot.
‘Because you’re, you know…’ John trails off, his skin a deep red with embarrassment. ‘Because you’re gay.’
‘I am not!’ Adrian exclaims, standing suddenly. ‘I’ve fucked girls too, you know!’
‘Oh, right,’ John says, retreating inwards. This was stupid, this was a mistake, and the small flame of hope in his chest that Adrian might be okay with his condition should really be put out. ‘But I’m not a girl, or a real guy, so I don’t think you’d be…’ Adrian is watching John intently, waiting for him to finish his sentence. John isn’t even sure what he’s saying anymore, so he closes his mouth and swallows in an attempt to clear the dryness that has settled along his tongue.
‘So is that it?’ Adrian asks, slightly impatient. They were doing something that felt good, really good, and he’d like to get back to that.
‘Y-yeah,’ John says weakly, wringing his hands together, waiting for the executioner’s blade to reach his neck.
‘Okay, cool!’ Adrian is chipper again, eager to get back on track. ‘So can I see, or is that off limits? Because I really, really want to suck your dick but if that’s not allowed that’s okay too.’
John’s first impulse is to say no, to stop himself from the inevitable embarrassment and discomfort at having his genitals witnessed. Even to this day, John struggles to masturbate without shame; the awareness of his incorrect parts makes pleasing himself a battle that is fought only when absolutely necessary. Letting Adrian in, letting Adrian touch him, letting Adrian see him and lie to him about still being attracted to him feels like it will kill John for sure. But even still, John nods his head, if only to see the excited smile that takes over Adrian’s face in response.
‘Go on then,’ Adrian says breathlessly.
There’s hesitation as John gets undressed. They both know why, but Adrian knows better than to bring it up now, when John is fighting with himself to do as Adrian has commanded. Unlike Adrian, John actually is a good guy but he still tries so hard to be good. Gooder? Whatever it is, he is definitely better than Adrian at being good. Adrian watches the tremble in John’s hands as he undoes the fly of his jeans.
As John sheds his pants, Adrian’s pulse quickens. When his underwear is removed, Adrian worries he might just have a heart attack. John’s skin is even more pale than Adrian’s and it is dusted with freckles, especially along his thick thighs. His large belly hangs low over his crotch, obscuring the secret that Adrian can’t help but be curious about revealing. The curves of John’s body are on full display now, no longer shrouded by baggy clothes. The roll of skin along John’s midriff is calling to Adrian; he wonders if he could bite into it. The urge to bite into John’s supple flesh flares through Adrian, and his dormant cock twitches to life again.
‘Let’s go to the bed,’ Adrian says softly. John nods meekly, and so Adrian takes his hand and leads him to his own bedroom.
Standing at the foot of the bed, John feels weightless. Adrian is still holding his hand firmly, grounding him in the moment, but the bed feels like a gauntlet. John worries he might faint.
‘Go ahead and lay down,’ Adrian commands, and so John complies. He crawls onto the bed and can feel the heat in Adrian’s gaze smouldering his ass as he does so.
John lays on his back, staring at his ceiling while he waits nervously for whatever Adrian wants next. How many times has he stared at this ceiling, bitterly alone? How many times has he laid in this exact spot and thought about the man who is in the room with him now?
John feels the shift in weight as Adrian joins him on the bed, and over his stomach he can see Adrian between his knees. John holds his breath, biting his lip to keep himself from saying something that might ruin everything.
‘I’m going to suck your dick,’ Adrian says. It’s not a question.
‘O-okay,’ John responds weakly.
‘Can I…’ It’s Adrian’s turn to fumble with his words. He wants to be respectful, but he’s not sure how. ‘Uh, is it okay to put my fingers in your… uh… hole?’
John laughs breathlessly. He’s nervous, so nervous he could puke, and here is Adrian between his legs trying to negotiate terminology. ‘Yeah, uh, that’s okay. And um, yeah, hole is okay. To uh, it’s okay to call it that.’
‘Okay!’ Adrian is proud of himself for using the right term. This is clearly a sensitive topic, and he wants to show John just how caring he can be. ‘What about uh… your dick?’
‘Yeah,’ John says without laughing this time. There’s a warmth deep in his stomach, pooling just below his navel but spreading throughout his lower body.
Adrian nods thoughtfully and places his hands on John’s knees. John flinches into his touch, and Adrian rubs the skin above his kneecaps with his thumbs. With some gentle pressure, he encourages John to bring his knees up, and Adrian settles between them. Adrian rests his head on John’s knee, looking at him with a hunger that makes John feel like his prey—captured, pinned, doomed.
‘I’m going to touch your dick now,’ Adrian says. John is like a small animal, he needs Adrian to be slow, patient, to let him know what he’s going to do. John can only nod.
When Adrian’s hand finds John’s bare inner thigh, the shock that reverberates through John’s body makes him shake all over. Slowly, Adrian encroaches upon where John is most sensitive. He takes his time, indulging himself with the small whimpers John makes as Adrian’s thumb rubs small circles along his path. When he reaches the soft flesh of John’s cunt, his hips snap up into the sensation, making Adrian laugh.
‘You’re so eager, you know?’ Adrian begins, fascinated by John’s sensitivity. ‘From the beginning, I could tell. You’re so needy but you try to deny it.’
John wants to protest but he can’t—Adrian’s finger has found the base of his dick, and he’s rubbing it softly, brushing against the hypersensitive head only occasionally. Enough to make John want it, not enough to satisfy John in the slightest.
‘It’s okay to be needy,’ Adrian continues. He pinches John’s dick between his fingers, feeling John’s heartbeat thrumming through it. The sensation of having his dick enveloped pulls a guttural moan from John’s throat. ‘It’s okay to be needy, because I will give you everything you need.’
‘Y-yes,’ John chokes out, struggling against the waves of novel pleasure pulsating through his body. ‘I need, I need you.’
‘Yeah?’ Adrian’s expression changes from casual desire to unfettered obsession. He was right in choosing John to be his new best friend; John isn’t afraid to admit he needs him. ‘What do you need from me?’
It’s unfair, the way Adrian is stroking John’s painfully erect dick, focusing almost entirely on the base and only swiping briefly at the head when he feels like making John come apart. John is fighting to form the words, he can barely think. He wants to just give in. He wants Adrian to take from him, as much as he needs, he wants Adrian to be satiated with his flesh. ‘I need you to, I need… I need you to use me.’
‘Use you?’ Adrian queries, pausing his strokes briefly which elicits a tortured whine from John. ‘I don’t want to use you; I want you to feel good.’
John could cry with frustration. They’ve only just started but he thinks he could orgasm already. However, the surges of pleasure have been paused by this conversation, whatever the hell it is they’re talking about. It’s on John to get what he wants. ‘I mean I… I want you to, fuck, Adrian, please!’
Adrian is almost swayed by John’s plea. He’s desperate, and needy, and Adrian knows he could give John exactly what he needs. But Adrian wants to hear it. ‘You have to use your words.’
John whines desperately, moving his hips into Adrian’s hand to try and get more friction. Adrian removes his hand entirely, and John goes limp. Adrian’s going to kill him with this. It takes everything in John to say it: ‘I want you to suck my dick.’
‘Good boy!’ Adrian exclaims, and it sends a pulse of electricity straight to John’s dick. Adrian pets John’s thigh emphatically, leaving a trail of static along his simmering flesh. ‘If you tell me what you want, I’ll give it to you.’
Adrian dips his head between John’s thighs, and the sensation of his hot breath along John’s aching dick sends shivers through his body. It’s all too much and yet not enough. John allows himself to relax into the sensation; he knows he can trust Adrian to take care of him.
He starts slowly, licking long stripes from John cunt up along the underside of his straining dick. John’s gasps and urgent moans encourage Adrian to continue, swirling his tongue around John’s dick and tasting the saltiness of his desire. Adrian figures he could do this forever, surviving off just John’s slick and maybe potatoes as a supplement.
When he takes John into his mouth, he keens and clenches his thighs together, trapping Adrian between them briefly. Undeterred, Adrian sucks softly on John’s dick, which causes him to release a flurry of swears and intimate sounds. This is something between just the two of them, sounds that only Adrian gets to hear.
Adrian wants to know more, so he dips his tongue into John’s hole, tasting his insides and savouring the flavour of his passion as it coats his tongue. John’s dick bumps against Adrian’s teeth while he laps into his cunt, penetrating him lightly with his tongue before languidly making his way back to John’s stiff erection. John has his hand twisted into Adrian’s hair now, and when he pulls on it he doesn’t have to say anything—Adrian knows he’s close. An idea crosses Adrian’s mind, and in a split second he chooses to act on it.
When Adrian stops, John’s whole body shakes. He was so close to an orgasm, and Adrian has pulled away entirely. John’s eyes fly open and search for Adrian immediately, close to demanding an explanation. He finds Adrian with a bemused curl to his lips.
‘Tell me what you want,’ Adrian says darkly. He wants to hear it, again. He wants to be certain.
‘Ah, please,’ John whines in response. He needs more, not much more but just a little bit, he needs to cum.
‘Nuh uh,’ Adrian says with a sinister smile. ‘Use your words.’
‘I want, hah,’ John gasps as Adrian’s hand finds his thigh once again, squeezing softly. John was perfectly fine with what they were doing before, but if Adrian really wants him to be honest? ‘I want… I want you to fuck me.’
Adrian’s smile widens even more, threatening to split his lips with the force of it. ‘Yeah?’ Adrian questions, continuing to grip John’s thigh with one hand while he uses the other to press his eager cock through the hole at the bottom of his bodysuit. The pressure of the fabric underneath his balls feels surprisingly good, like a gentle encouragement to do what he wants to do. What he has wanted to do for a long time.
‘What a good boy you are. Let’s get you ready first darling,’ Adrian says, and John squirms. Adrian positions his thumb at the base of John’s cock, pressing on it slightly as he thrusts a finger into John’s sticky cunt. It welcomes him eagerly, pulling Adrian’s finger in and allowing him to map out the soft folds of John’s insides. Adrian remembers reading that humans can feel single-atom difference with their fingertips, and he’s determined to know every atom of John.
John is so slick he is practically leaking, and just one of Adrian’s fingers is nowhere near satisfying. John needs more and Adrian is eager to provide it, easily slipping another finger into him and marvelling at the sensation of John’s tight heat around his fingers. When he stretches his fingers apart, John’s hole stretches with them, clinging to Adrian frantically.
When Adrian looks up, he finds John in repose: stunned, breathing heavily. His eyes are closed and small curses leave his lips, especially when Adrian presses a third finger in and curls them up. If Adrian didn’t know better, he would worry that John was in pain.
‘Okay,’ Adrian finally says, his cock heavy in his hand. The anticipation of feeling John’s feverish cunt around him has left Adrian leaking as well, pearls of precum dripping into his hand. ‘I’m gonna, mmm, I’m gonna put it in now, okay?’
Adrian looks to John for confirmation and he finds it in a fervent nod and a slight shifting of John’s weight. He wants this too, perhaps as much as Adrian does.
Adrian uses his thumb to push John’s dick up, to bring his plush hole into full view. John twitches into the contact, rubbing his cock against Adrian’s hand. With a shaky exhale, Adrian presses his cock against John, letting only the tip of his tip in, waiting for John to relax into it. Adrian is hesitant for a lot of reasons, but the awareness that his cock is perhaps ‘too big’, at least according to the women he and Chris used to hook up with, is preventing him from plunging into John instantly. This is his first time, and he’s pretty sure it is John’s first time, and he wants it to feel good for him. John deserves to feel good.
As John opens up, Adrian sinks into him. Adrian gasps at the sensation, it feels like being submerged in hot chocolate, which is his favourite warm drink, and he’s grateful to have John’s marshmallowy body to buoy him. Adrian realises his eyes are closed, and when he opens them, John is watching him but not seeing him. His expression is vacant, and his breathing is laboured. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes.’ It’s said quietly, like John isn’t sure if he means it. He’d expected Adrian to be well endowed after having seen him in just his underwear plenty of times, but he hadn’t anticipated how much it would hurt to have inside of him. In his fantasies, it had always been making out, and if there was anything more it was John doing it to Adrian. John had never imagined this, but he wants to allow it to happen; he wants to be good.
‘You feel amazing,’ Adrian says with a breathy sigh. Only the head of his cock has made it in, but the sensation of being surrounded by John is making it difficult to control himself. ‘You’re so good at this, you’re so good at taking me.’
John focuses on Adrian’s words to distract himself from the pain. ‘I wasn’t sure it would fit, I wasn’t sure anybody would be able to take it, but you can, because you’re perfect for me.’ John’s stomach flips.
‘We’re perfect for each other,’ Adrian continues, his attention once again drawn to the site of their connection. ‘I wish you could see this, I wish you could see how greedily your hole is taking me. You’re so tight but you’re still taking it, because we were made for each other.’ John can barely breathe.
‘You’re so good for me, you’re such a good boy,’ Adrian murmurs as he begins to move ever so slightly. It’s agony to pull out and a struggle to push back in; as much as John clearly wants him, the girth of Adrian’s cock is too much for his plump cunt. The wet friction around his cock threatens to end things before they’ve even begun as the familiar sensation of release builds in Adrian’s stomach.
John is still gasping and making small noises, but the moans have disappeared on account of his discomfort. He wants to enjoy this but it fucking hurts, it feels like he is being torn in two, it feels like Adrian is stabbing inside of him and while he wants to believe he would enjoy that currently he does not.
Whether Adrian notices this shift is debatable, but he pulls out of John suddenly. ‘I can’t, I need to-’ Adrian stammers, struggling to find the words. He abandons speech and instead hooks John’s legs over his shoulders so he can settle between John’s thighs once more. Instead of entering John again, Adrian begins to desperately rut into his thighs, his cock suddenly dragging along John’s dick and making him moan again. If the pace is too fast John doesn’t say anything, he just lays back and lets it happen, lets the roaring ache in his stomach build as Adrian fucks his thighs desperately.
‘So good,’ Adrian murmurs, panting as he thrusts into John’s pillowy thighs. ‘So good, you’re so good, you’re such a good boy.’
John’s cock throbs in response to the praise, he wants to be good for Adrian, and he wants to feel good. The sensation of their cocks against one another feels like nothing John could have ever imagined beforehand. John wants to cum, but more than that he wants to be good.
‘Please,’ John gasps, hands grasping the bed sheets to keep himself from grabbing Adrian. In response, Adrian growls lightly and his rhythm is disrupted by the shudder that passes through him. Encouraged by Adrian’s response, John continues: ‘Than-thank you. I needed you, I needed you and you—’
‘Yeah?’ Adrian demands, gripping John’s thighs so tightly that it’s certain to leave marks. ‘You need me? You need this, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ John gasps, his orgasm threatening to steal his words from him. ‘I need you, I need—’
‘Fuck,’ Adrian whispers. He releases one of John’s thighs to grab his face instead, forcing him to meet his intense gaze. John couldn’t look away even if he wanted to; he’s trapped by Adrian’s forceful desire. He’s not sure he will ever be able to leave. ‘You need me, you need me, you need to be mine. You are mine.’
‘I am,’ John can’t hold on much longer, especially with Adrian’s adjusted position pressing both of their lengths together entirely, salvation and damnation all at once. ‘I’m going to—’
‘Go ahead,’ Adrian coos, rubbing his thumb along John’s cheek. His grip on John’s face is lighter than initially, but there is a clear, unspoken demand: don’t look away. ‘It’s okay darling, go ahead and be good for me.’
John’s orgasm tears through him like a force of nature, uprooting his very core and leaving rubble in its wake. His orgasm comes in a shout, an expulsion of all the energy Adrian has put into him and then immediately afterwards the waveform collapses and brings tears to his eyes. He doesn’t look away, Adrian won’t let him, and when Adrian feels his orgasm and sees the shininess in John’s eyes, he finishes quickly, his cum pooling on the soft fur of John’s stomach.
Without any fanfare, Adrian flops onto his back beside John, splaying his limbs out as far as he can.
‘Fuck,’ Adrian says softly.
‘Yeah,’ John responds with a small laugh. ‘Fuck.’
They sit like that for a moment, not touching each other but very aware of one another’s presence, their energies still tangled together. John’s certain there are sparks along his skin, but he is too exhausted to check. He tries to enjoy the moment—it’s his first time, it’s his first time with Adrian—but the anxiety that dwells in his head won’t even give him these few moments of bliss. It emerges slowly, tickling along the back of John’s brain: Was that okay? Did I do a good enough job? Does he hate me?
Adrian adjusts to lay on his side, resting his head on his hand and watching John as he begins to fidget. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey,’ John responds, avoiding eye contact.
‘That was great,’ Adrian enthuses, and when John dares to look at him he has a genuine smile on. ‘You felt so amazing. Are you okay?’
‘Yeah,’ John says on the back of a heavy exhale. Adrian always knows what to say.
‘Sorry about the mess, do you want me to get a towel for uh…’ Adrian gestures towards the thick cum that has solidified on John’s stomach.
It’s gross, but John briefly considers never cleaning it off, of carrying the proof that Adrian at least enjoys his body around so that he can show it to anybody and everybody.
‘In the bathroom,’ John says weakly. Adrian nods and runs off to the hallway like he is on a mission.
John has a moment to himself, to think about the events of the night. To think about Adrian, to think about what Adrian might think about him. It’s a dangerous thing, to be alone with his thoughts. Thankfully, Adrian returns quickly, a warm rag in his hand.
Adrian is sheepish as he wipes away the proof of his love (love?) off John’s stomach. When he’s satisfied that he has adequately cleaned John, he balls the rag up and shoots for the hamper: he misses.
‘Oops,’ Adrian says, and moves to get up and toss it in the hamper. John reaches out a hand to stop him, grabbing his arm and holding him. ‘Mmm?’
‘Don’t go,’ John murmurs. The drowsiness has begun to set in now that the adrenaline has dissipated. Adrian opens his mouth to explain that he’s not going anywhere, but then he closes it.
‘Do you want, uh,’ Adrian’s not good at this, he’s had zero practice and worries he’s making a fool of himself. ‘Do you want to cuddle?’
‘Mmm,’ John hums before he nods.
Adrian curls up against John’s side, pressing himself against his large form. John’s arm wraps around Adrian’s back so he can pull him in closer. John is warm, he’s always warm, but Adrian can feel a new warmth in his chest. It’s the last thing on his mind as they hold each other into the night.