Chapter Text
He missed her, fuck, he really missed her.
All day, every day, he wished she were still here. Alive.
And yet he tried, even after the first shock wore off and everybody started to pretend everything was normal. They weren't trying to be insensitive; there is just so much time that you can mourn someone at all hours of the day. And it did get easier, that was the most infuriating part. He went from thinking about her since the moment he woke up to mostly not thinking about her until he had breakfast, and sometimes he fell asleep with only chemistry flashcards in his mind. Those nights made him so much angrier the next morning, when he looked at Holly eating Eggos and could not remember when he last shared a plate of them with El. He got mad at himself for that often.
Months and months had passed, and he tried, he tried to act normal, as if it was all a dream, or not even that.
But he couldn't, how could he? How could he forget her? How could he pretend?
It wasn't possible, never would be.
Still, he did his best. As infuriating as it was, it got easier. The party started to hang out normally again, the empty space in the couch stopped being so obvious, Hopper got made chief again after some stupid excuse, Will and the Byers moved into the cabin, and Mike managed to visit them without breaking down and crying. Although really, he only ever did that twice, when she said goodbye, and the first time sleeping in his bed after it.
It was all so wrong, life without her, and yet it happened, kept happening, got easier, against his will, it got better.
Why did it get better?
He did not mean it to, so why?
Suddenly, a year and a half had passed, and he was graduating. He wanted the ground to snatch him and take him to her in that eternal space to which she retreated. He refused it, a future of forgetting and pretending, he would not have it. He would not go to that graduation, no matter how much his mother bugged him about it. No matter how much he wanted to be able to move on, that could not happen.
Because yes, he wanted to move on, or he wanted to want to move on, that's what she wanted of him, he knew it. But he couldn't want that, never would. It would be a lie.
And so, he could not wear that stupid robe and walk that stupid stage.
He stayed on that bench, looking at the memorial. He stayed for a while, remembering, going over that night, he remembered everything so clearly, her face as the world vanished around her, so full of peace, he still could not understand it.
Hop found him in that bench, despite himself, the old man really saw right through his mind. And he had a lot to say; he was right, of course. Mike knew that he spoke of mourning better than anyone else, but he did not expect it to get through to him the way that it did. He already knew most of it, but the way that Hopper said it, truly understanding the feeling, speaking without pretending that it would just be okay, something clicked. Yes, El would have wanted him to do his best to move on. To not sabotage himself. To move on without the guilt of it all. The guilt of not having a plan, a real plan, without three waterfalls. He had to understand her choice; he had to understand it and move on. He had not wanted to understand it, but he had to. That's what she would have wanted. And so he would try, he would try to live the best life he possibly could. For El, for the whole party, and for himself too.
He went to the graduation, stupid robe and all, although in reality, it made him proud when he put it on. Everybody was already seated, and his mother hugged him very tight; she understood, she always understood. He sat and watched as Dustin gave the best valedictorian speech that had ever existed. It was truly amazing, he said fuck the system, and cursed the principal as confetti covered the students and everyone threw their caps. He could not have dreamed of a better goodbye.
And as happiness surrounded him like it hadn't in a while, the speakers started to fail, and a deafening noise clouded his mind. He couldn't help but remember the terrible machinery that the military used to weaken El and strip her of her powers. That night, those awful things were everywhere you looked, and Mike had felt hopeless even before seeing El in that portal, and pointlessly trying to convince her in the mind world.
The mind world. To which she could not have summoned him with all those speakers pointing at her.
Holy shit.
He was right, there was no other explanation, and if there was, it didn't matter, because he believed in this one, and he always would.
Mike was overwhelmed with joy as he went to celebrate Dustin. Something inside him warmed up, something healed, it got better. They all laughed as goddamn Stacy almost asked Dustin out, but instead of going to that party, Mike remembered that he had the perfect campaign for the perfect goodbye, and announced the better idea to everyone. It was all going to be good, he knew that now for sure.
They all cried when the game ended and he took the oportunitie to share his theories with everyone. Will, across the table, seemed to understand like no one else; he always had understood Mike like that. They put away their books, crying, and went to have dinner.
There were going to be good days and bad days, but it would be better, and he would always believe. Just like he believed that Lucas and Max would grow old together, that Dustin would pursue knowledge and adventure, and that Will would have the perfect life in New York, the life that he had always deserved.
And Mike would live to tell these stories and many others, he would, because he believed. And that was the most important part.