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It's stupid, it's all fucking stupid. Standing out in the rain waiting for Parker to open the door, fucking Parker of all people. I raise my fist to knock, my fist thats wet with rain and littered with bruises and cuts, but still I knock.
It feels like I was forever waiting at that door, embarrassing myself in the rain, but finally the door opens. “Gary? Dude, what the hell are you doing here knocking at my door in the fucking rain, man?” He looks confused – fuck, fuck fuck, shit. My fist, the ones that are wet and littered and with bruises and cuts, are the same ones that tug, pull at the hair on my scalp before I can even think to stop.
“Fucking shit! I- I’m sorry, man fuck, the hell am I even doing to here? I know we're not friends and all, not at all buddy buddy like the other guys.” The nervous laughter I let out is pathetic, but I can’t tell what's worse, my fucking hands pulling at my own dam scalp or that concerned ass look Collies giving me. That fake fucking look I know its not fucking real…
Not fucking real. Fuck why’d I come here..? Stupid fucking stupid-
His hands are on me. Fuck not on me, on me, but on my shoulders. Grounding me.
His hand reaches behind me and leads me into his apartment with his hands on my back. He sits me down on a stool like I'm some kid, but maybe I am if I'm letting him. Everything in his place looks different, even when I know I've been here. His messy island table, his small shaggy couch that desperately needs to be replaced, the art on his terracotta colored walls, and the music that decorates it. The only thing out of place is that I'm here. Alone. I didn’t notice how long I was looking around in silence until his hands left my back with an awkward cough. The chuckle comes out before I can stop it, I must look like some sorta madman!
“You want tea?” He mumbles out as he walks over to the kettle on his counter, before I can even answer, all I can think is Collie fucking Parker is asking to make me tea!? This is fucking surreal man. He shoots me a weird look, probably because I’m grinning like im fucking mad. “Uh yea sure,”
“Your fucking weird man.” his usal stupid smirk was spread on his lips, my ear burned… with embarrassment! As I watched him hum a song as he boiled water and wordlessly picked out the teas. Eventually, he leans across the table, “Your tea is done.”
“Uh, thanks.” Sitting up, I rummage through his cabinets for a good minute as he watches me in amusement before I huff in annoyance. “Where's your fucking sugar, man?” He laughs, he straight up fucking laughs. “The fuck you laughing about!?” He buckles over, hand on the counter, still laughing.
“You were doing all that huffing and puffing cause you couldn’t find some fucking sugar?” The smile that plays at his lips shouldn't be as comforting as it is, it honestly should piss me off, but it doesn't.
“You're a dick, ya know that, Parker?” The hair in my face covers me, but I know he can hear my stupid laughter.
“Says the wet cat looking dude who showed up to my apartment at uhh-” He checks the fake fucking watch on his wrist- “yeah at to fucking late o’ clock”
“Fuck you man, now where the hell is your sugar?”
He leans across the countertop with a smirk playing on his lips, “Say please,” I feel myself flush across my pale cheeks as I look him dead in the eye.
“Fuck no, Parker, you fucking weirdo.” A wholehearted laugh comes out, and honestly it makes that weird ass moment not as fucking weird, I dunno. I watch as Parker shuffles through the cabinets until he finds the sugar.
“Here, your fucking sugar.” I barely scramble to catch the bag of sugar as he tosses it to me. “Fuck! The fuck was that for?!” The smirk on his face does nothing for the heat spreading.
“Should’ve asked nicer, you fucking dick”
“Your a real fag if ya think Imma start begging,” I shoot back with a smirk, but it fades as quickly as it came when I see the grimace on Parker’s face, and my mouth moves before I can think to stop it
“Fuck man, I uh i’m sorry dude, shit-” My eyes dart between Parker and anything, and I feel guilt simmer inside of me. I keep doing it wrong- saying it wrong- The same hands that where wet with rain and littered with bruises and cuts, the same hands that pull and hurt are soaked in a guilt covered mask, those are the hands I raise.
“Barkovitch chill, it’s fine you just need to stop saying that shit man, don’t know why you keep doing it..” He lets out an exasperated sigh and again I feel his hand holding my arm with a firm grip as he leads me to his shaggy couch, and stupidly my feet follow. Slowly he reaches under his tv stand to grab switch controllers,
“You wanna play overcooked?” By the time he asks he’s already handing me a controller I just nod as he boots up the game.
“You don’t really give the gamer type,” I say taking the blue controller, but I feel Parker watching almost fondly, and I can feel my skin burning up.
“Ehh I kinda am my mom bought this for my younger sisters but I took it when I moved out. As the game starts up we pick our characters, I pick the Siamese cat, and I look out of the corner of my eye and notice Collie pick the wolf-
“Huh,”
“What?” I wince at the sound of my voice my words come off sharp and to harsher than what I intended, but the chuckle he lets out calms me it shouldn’t but it does.
“Pfft, dude I thought for sure you were gonna pick the fucking crocidile or something but you went for the dumb ass cat instead!”
“Fuck off man! Reminds me of my cat Missy, she lives with my meemaw,” I wince at how strong my accent sounds but I almost wince harder when Collie begins to laugh.
“Fuck you laughing at?!”
Collie shoots his hands up quickly as his laughter dies down, “Nothing, nothing man, it just now what I was expecting from you, is all. So don’t worry, honestly it’s kinda cute.” The blush flushes my face and I know my pale ass skin will show, fucking embarrassing.
When the game starts up it starts slow, and casual at a normal pace as our characters navigate each other and the kitchen. My cat is on boiler and Collie is on cutting and serving, we make good pace at first. Until it speeds up.
“Collie cut the fucking veggies faster!”
“I’m cutting these as fast as I can you little shit you already burnt some of the shit!”
“All the reason for your stupid wolf to cut the shit faster!” It’s not even my fault the shit burnt, it was collie sitting so dam close making our arms touch, fuckin distracting stuff dude. As the levels pass we fall in and out of loop. With Collie bitching at me yet he sittin all up on me like a little shit.
“Barkovitch how the fuck do you manage to burn that many veggies? Missed so many orders…”
“We wouldn’t have so many orders if you weren’t fuckin distracting me!” My arms are raised and so is my voice but all I can feel is Collies gaze and his dumb smirk focused on me.
“Barkovitch, reason with me here how the hell am I distracting you? He leans lazily against the couch watching me.
“All your fuckin touching and shit man!” Fuck this sounds faggoty as hell out loud I can feel Collies gaze on me and I can see his eyes darken, and before I can comprehend what’s happening his lips are on mine, my eyes are open as collie leans deeper into the kiss and my eyes flutter shut.I let myself be pushed into the cushions as Collies hand tangles in my hair. When he pulls back where both out of breath, and his long hair curtains us, I know my face is flushed
“Was that okay?” I hear Collie speaking but I can barley focus on the words he’s saying at all, it’s like I’m in a Collie induced trance.
“Hey Barko, you okay?” All I can do is nod and mumble a barley audible “sorry” i turn my head towards the couch cushions as I feel Collies hand brush my cheek as he looks at me “nothing to be sorry about but are you okay?”
“Yea. Yea, I think I’m okay can you kiss me again?” I watch with beady eyes as Collie leans down to kiss me again, it’s less desperate than the first one and my eyes close almost instantly as my hands reach to pull him closer.
When we part I feel Collie lie down and kiss my cheek as he lays down on top of me. The weight feels heavy like a comforting blanket my hands that where wet with rain and littered with bruises and cuts, are the same ones that reach to touch. To touch the cool fabric of his shirt and the outline of his back, the hands that are allowed to love and not hurt.
Still holding onto collie I mumble into his shoulder “I think I like you” I can feel the vibrations of Collie chuckling on my skin before he raises to press a kiss to my forehead “I like you too” I lean in to kiss him again because I think I wanna try love.