Archive of Our Own

I hummed a flat tune along with the beat of my horse's hooves. The western frontier was a vast open place and I'd seen nothing but it for too many days now. I needed some distraction to keep my mind off the nothingness ahead, behind, and on every other side.

I can't say the emptiness was a bad thing though. We hadn't run into an Indian tribe in a few weeks now and we counted our blessings to be alive each time we moved on.

And still, I couldn't help but feel tired of the same old thing every day. Wake up, pack the wagon, load up the family, start along the unbeaten path to no where, eat whatever could be found, bathe and wash our clothes if there was water nearby, unpack the wagon, and try to sleep for a bit. Monotonous.

My elder brother, Emmett, was riding by my side, thankfully to the west of me and casting a long shadow over my horse and I, keeping us cool. I felt pity for my brother's steed. Emmett was no small man; no small man by anyone's means.

"Boys, are you thirsty?"

"We are fine, mother," I replied quickly, so not to worry her.

"Speak for yourself, brother, I am parched."

He rode up close to the back of the wagon and my mother tossed out a small canteen. Emmett was the wasteful type, never thinking of anyone but himself. And mother was glad to let him sate himself on anything from water, to food, to the animal hide blankets. Too many nights poor little Alice was left shivering because Emmett was greedy.

He drained the canteen in a few short draws. There was no water in sight and I knew we were running low. I couldn't stand the sight of him at the moment, so I rode up towards the front of the wagon where father was driving the team.

"How are you, son?"

I couldn't answer that question honestly. "I'm good, father. How are you?"

"Well, Edward, I am doing my best. This team is getting tired though."

"Shall we set camp early?"

"I think that would be best."

I gave a short nod and rode quickly ahead to search for the best area to make camp tonight. There wasn't a whole lot of variance in the land in this direction. No trees or shade to speak of. Only small hills and dry prairie land.

I'd thought too soon it seems. There was one slightly larger hill sitting to the west that was creating just enough shade to provide cover until night fall.

I signaled my father and rode in the direction of the knoll.

I was not used to this life on horseback and bare ground. We'd had a perfectly happy establishment in the east, but my father insisted that doctors were in need in the wild, untamed west. I could hardly put up a fight with his logic, and even if I had – put up a fight – I had no rank over my eldest brother, nor my father. It would have killed my mother if I hadn't agreed to come.

Little Alice, only fifteen and one month jumped out of the wagon while it was still moving.

"Careful," my mother warned uselessly.

Of all of us, Alice was the liveliest. She could not be tamed or simmered. She did very much try to keep herself quiet and entertained, but she just wasn't content to sit in a covered wagon for half of each day.

"When, father?" I asked, as I did far too often.

My father smiled knowingly. "We're close, Edward. We'll be home very soon."

I was always a bit melancholy at the mention of home. Home was months behind me, but no one seemed to miss it but me.

I dismounted my horse, quickly bringing her saddle off her back and letting her nibble at the dry greens she so willingly walked over day after day.

"Good girl," I told her, clapping my hand lightly on the shiny red of her neck.

"Edward, help your mother."

I swiveled around and ran for my mother, taking her burdens though she put up a fight. She always had to insist that our duties were so much more troublesome than hers, that our backs were sorer, that we were more weary. In the end, I'd exhaust more breath trying to convince her to let me do it than I would actually doing it.

"Gotchya," a tiny voice said in my ear, only level with it after launching on my back.

This used to be a fun game, one where I'd pretend I had no idea who had me or that they were on my back. Alice was too old for those childish games now, but I still tried to keep us both entertained.

"You better run, little one, I'm giving you a five second head start."

She squealed, whether out of excitement or fear, I don't know, but she jumped from me and ran in the opposite direction.

Sure I was tired, sure I was hot, but I'd do anything to brighten Alice's day. Fifteen and with no more mass than a regular sized ten year old. Father could find nothing wrong with her, she was sure lively enough, but her size still frightened us all.

Even with the head start, her little legs were so short compared to my long, powerful ones that just a few bounds and I could touch her dark hair. I seized her thin shoulders in my arms and drew us both to a halt. I could feel her little heart racing under my palm and her breathless giggles.

"I'm not giving no head starts," she told me.

I made a sound of mock fear and quickly dashed away from her. She was very smart, too smart for her own good, and she knew that I let her catch me after a little chase, but she enjoyed it nonetheless.

"Dinner," I heard my mother's clear, ringing voice call from behind the knoll, much farther back than I expected it to be.

"Just one more," Alice begged.

I grinned and said, "You better run quick."

More giggles and she sent her short legs faster than I'd ever seen them move through the tall grass. I really gave her a head start, knowing that after dinner we'd all be expected to settle down. I gave her at least fifteen seconds before I made the decision to start after her. Only my decision was cut short by her disappearing.

Gopher hole, probably. I hope her ankle didn't get too twisted. And I really hope there was no bloody scratches, Alice hates seeing her blood – makes a paper cut seem like a nicked artery, she does.

I immediately started running for her. The bloodcurdling scream that pierced the air had me running faster than seemed humanly possible.

This wasn't about scratches or sprained ankles. She would not draw this big a fuss unless…

I didn't even want to think about it. My concentration was dead set on getting to Alice in less than five seconds.

I stopped short when the smell hit me. It was an unmistakable smell, one that was known off the bat. The smell of death. Rotting, decaying flesh, the kind that'd been in the sun and stunk to high heaven.

And not at all the flesh I'd expected, nothing I'd ever seen before.

There was no tan hide of a deer, no fur of a wild dog, no mass of a horse. But flesh. Pale human flesh, dark curly hair. A young girl, left naked on the prairie for the vultures. This cruelty was quickly placed. Indians.

That was my last thought before scooping Alice up in my arms and running with all my life back for camp. Of course, Alice's scream had been heard – hopefully only by those that I could see. Pa and Ma were running for us, fear etched clearly in their faces.

We'd have no chance of escape, we couldn't outrun these savage beasts if they intended to capture us.

I was sweating now, Alice crying, and probably more afraid than I should have been for my mother's sake.

"Edward, what is it?" "What is it?" They spoke over each other, but the question was the same.

"Modocs."

That was all that needed to be said. There hadn't been any obvious markers, no significant indicators, but it seemed clear to me. The cruelty, the malice. The Modoc tribe was lethally malicious.

"How many?" My father asked.

"One, that I saw." One was a small number for a Modoc attack.

"Dead?"

I nodded.

"Did you check?"

"The flies, the smell…"

He nodded and eyed the crying, clinging Alice in my arms. My eyes were restlessly scanning everything within view. I could spot not one hair or grass blade out of place, but I could feel it. Something was wrong, and that I couldn't see it made me all the more tense and nervous.

Dinner was spoiled for me, Alice refused to eat as well. I took the hint when my mother made eyes at me and tried to eat anyway. Alice could easily be swayed by me, she ate if I ate. Emmett seemed a tad disappointed that he wouldn't be getting two extra helpings.

He sure didn't need them. His wife could have used them though, she was eating for two these days. Only very recently had her stomach started to expand, much to everyone's great pleasure.

Rosalie had joined our family a few short months ago. Only a few even shorter months before that, she'd lost everything she'd known and loved in a tragic fire. My father had treated her burn wounds, and Emmett had fallen in love. Marriage came quickly for them and it was only natural that motherhood would follow soon after. Having nothing left back east, the decision for Emmett and Rosalie to come along on our "journey" was hardly contemplated.

Night fell quickly, and I sat alert as a jackrabbit under the bright moon, my eyes still searching for what I knew was coming. My father was wise enough to know that we had no options. Running was out of the question, even trying to would get us killed. If not by the Indians, then by the fact that our horses would be over worked and our wagon wheels would probably be lost from overuse.

Alice came creeping out of the wagon when the others seemed to have fallen asleep. This wasn't a rare thing. Sometimes even after I fell asleep, I'd wake up with Alice seeking the warmth of her "favorite brother."

One look at her hazel colored eyes and I was wrapping her in a hug. She sighed, gave a small tremor, then her quiet snore rumbled in her chest. Under different circumstances, I would have smiled. There wasn't a smile in me now, not a genuine one.

They were coming for us and I wish we could be invisible, or back home, or to the new home. Anywhere, anywhere but here. Anywhere but where the danger was.

Against my will, I'd fallen asleep counting stars. And though it really made no difference whether I'd slept through it or not, I woke to a circle of red faces all around me. I wasn't the only one awake, I could hear the fast breathing of my father nearby.

They stared. The silent staring put my teeth on edge. There was ten of them, that I could count. I wanted to tell myself that was all there was, that we could put up a fight and win, but I knew better. Just these ten were not the whole tribe, and they were probably some of the strongest of the tribe. And they were large, or they at lease looked large mounted on their horses while I was flat with my back to the ground.

Alice stirred and my arms tightened around her. Not now, Alice, I said wordlessly, please just sleep through this. I hugged her tight, hoping it wouldn't wake her, but so very afraid of what tragic events these evil beings would bring upon my family. I wanted her to know that I loved her, always.

I very slowly met my father's eyes. I tried to convey my love for him. He stared at me unwaveringly and the look on his face was forced into an unnatural calm, there to reinforce a feeling of safety. I could clearly see his fear and his love for his children, his wife, his unborn grandchild.

We'd encountered Indians before, but we'd always been lucky enough to have supplies or father could converse with them enough to offer medical help and eventually be on our way. But the Modocs, they were the tribe that would be our demise. Our long journey would end tonight, no doubt brutally and painfully.

I hadn't ever been so inclined to cry before. Not for myself, but for Alice, and my mother, and even for Rosalie, despite our differences. The women, the children, they should have been safe.

I couldn't blame my father, because he only tried to do what was best for us. The west was just becoming and there was possibility to prosper. My father could save many lives and I as well, following in his footsteps and learning at his side. Emmett and his wife opening up a shop in town or a managing a hotel. Mother would be wonderful for the undereducated children. And Alice could have grown up and gotten married and become a wonderful nurse.

With the thought of all the future and good intentions being lost, I grew angry. My father could see this as we continued to look at each other. Just a slight movement of his head told me he wished I wouldn't be angry, because he knew how I was when I was angry. I made rash decisions and I was stubborn. But I wouldn't let them have my family without a fight.

I released my hold on Alice and when she started to stir awake I very quietly whispered for her to sleep, that I just needed to go to the bathroom, I'd be right back. She curled herself into an impossibly small little ball and cuddled with my blanket, and just as I wished, she went back to sleep. I'm not sure if it was worse that she was going to be taken while asleep or if the fear and knowing while being awake would have been more traumatizing. Either way was terrible. I was at least prolonging her enjoyable sleep this way.

When I stood, every weapon was aimed in my direction and I got impossibly more angry. I would gladly die to attempt protecting my family, even if it was futile. One of them spit at me and I felt my father's hand tightly grasp my bicep.

"Please," my father begged in a whisper, his other hand extended. He pointed to himself, "I am a," he rubbed his chest to simulate good feelings or health, "doctor."

I saw one of their's ears prick up. He muttered something in their tongue to the rest of them and everything happened very quickly. The weapons were coming at us and we were being seized, I fought but ended up captured quickly, a sharp blade pressed tightly to my throat. My father put up no fight at all, he continued to beg.

"I will help you. Your women, your children, any sick, I'll help you. Please leave the child, leave the children."

The one who's ears pricked laughed loud enough for Alice to finally wake up, because somehow, we'd managed to remain fairly quiet throughout.

She woke and she froze in fear. I was just so happy she didn't scream again. I started to struggle again only to feel blood start to run down my throat as the knife moved impossibly closer.

The laughing one spoke in broken English. "I hear your speak. We need doctor. You come with us. You, children, women, you come with us unharmed for now." He laughed again.

I failed to notice the others that had approached, from the other direction. The ruckus behind me nearly made me try to spin, but I would have slit my own throat had I tried. I recognized the sound of my mother's scream and Emmett fighting.

"Emmett, don't struggle," my father yelled defeatedly. For speaking again, though he hadn't been warned not to, he was grabbed by the hair and a large chunk of grass and dirt was shoved in his mouth. He choked and gagged and I almost wanted to press myself into the knife at my throat, because I could hardly stand to see my father being harmed, it would kill me to see my sister….

But it was cowardly and selfish and I wouldn't let myself die in front of Alice. Not now, not ever, I wouldn't let her see it. So I remained silent and still while my family was gathered and forced to be tied by the wrists and then we were all drug behind our captures. No one was treated any different than the other. They kept their horses at a trot, just slow enough for us not to fall but we had to run to keep up. Alice's legs were barely long enough to keep up with the large horses strides, but she was athletic and she did it. Poor Rosalie's swollen, pregnant belly slowed her down and she was being drug more so than the rest of us.

I kept having this terrible image of Rosie tripping and falling. Emmett would go wild with anger and he was no small man. He'd rear back and probably succeed in pulling his capturer off of the horse. And his fighting would be futile and he'd get us all killed and no one could blame him.

We were nearing a camp. A cry came from the men answered by a cry of more men and what sounded like women. Modocs were known for some cannibalism and I wondered if we were going to turn into their dinner.

As we entered the camp, more and more red faces appeared. This was a fairly large tribe. The woman were haggard and evil looking, having just as much hate in them as the men. We kept going through the camp, I assume we were being taken to the Chief.

I was right. We made it to the center of the camp and out of a large teepee, nearest to the fire came two huge men. Their long black hair was like sheets of darkness underneath the upper part of a wolves head, two large fangs at each of their foreheads and long grey coats of fur down their backs.

A foreign language was spoken. The one who knew English came forward to the Chief and very slowly and quietly made some sort of case. The Chief seemed mildly pleased to me. A brief glimmer of hope coursed through my body. I shoved it down. All they needed was my father. My father, whom would only work for the tribe if his family was spared. Another brief glimmer of hope.

The man next to the Chief finally spoke. To my immense surprise, with a before unseen rope in his hand, he pulled a small, young white woman from behind his form. Venom ran through me, leaving my mouth with a bitter taste. It wasn't only my family who was being held by these vile monsters.

The girl was at least three heads shorter than the huge man. Her hair was dark brown, her skin was translucently pale, and her eyes were a rich chocolate brown and wide with fear. She looked at us all with so much pity, I knew she had lost to these beings. Perhaps the body from the field was one of hers.

With more foreign speaking from the tribe, we were suddenly being hauled off. Most of us anyway. My father was kept back and the unknown girl. We were taken to blood smeared rocks just outside of the camp and tied there by our bound hands, tethered like dogs. The blood was everywhere and it smelled terrible and I could hear Alice crying. She was between Rosalie and I, and Rose was crying too. Alice sort of crumbled against a boulder and started rocking herself.

I sat down and inched myself as much as my arms allowed towards her. For once in my life, my lanky, long arms were useful. I brushed one toe against her, and she jumped and flinched away from it. She was so afraid and when she looked up at me, she looked so broken. She inched closer to me and I comforted her in any way that I could, which included rubbing my feet on hers because that was the most I could do, and her feet felt cold.

It was hours that those frightening beasts just lurked around us, watching to make sure we didn't escape. My father didn't come for hours and I started to worry. Things could have gone wrong. We could be put to our death at any given moment.

I didn't realize until she spoke softly from somewhere that I couldn't see my mother. She gently asked if I was alright, and I assured her I was. I told her that Alice was okay too. Alice stared worriedly at my throat most of the time, but I couldn't even feel it.

Hours later, close to morning, my father was led back, with the unknown girl too. She was thrown down next to me and my father next to her. He looked defeated and worn and tired.

"Edward, can you reach your handkerchief?" he asked me shortly after the ones who brought them left.

I wasn't sure why it was needed, but I scooted closer towards my hands to try and reach it. The watching ones were keeping a close eye and started to approach as I dug in my pockets. I located the hanky and pulled it out.

"Yes, got it," I answered quickly, watching them approach.

"Give it to the girl," he replied.

I was confused by this, but I maneuvered myself enough to get the hanky in my toes and I scooted quickly to her and handed her forward facing hands the cloth. I noticed then that she had blood on her face. It seemed to be coming from her nose, but her lip also looked swollen and her cheek facing me was turning purple. She was shaking terribly. Unlike the rest of us, her hands were tied in front of her, not behind her, so she was able to press my handkerchief to her bloodied nose. She closed her eyes tightly and tears ran down her cheeks. The guards were closer now, but not coming any closer, though watching for any more suspicious movements.

The sun rose and it was hot beating straight into my face. I hadn't had a drop of water since the last sunrise but I worried more for Alice who was so much smaller and defenseless.

"Alice, can you get around the rock for shade?"

She got her legs into the shade and was able to sort of hunch in on herself and get to more shade, but the position looked uncomfortable. She could rotate and hopefully stay cool enough before the shade was impossible for her to reach. My mother and Emmett were in complete shade for now, but would be in the blinding sun before long. Rose had access to shade that looked like it may stay even into noon. The girl didn't even try to move, but kind of shielded her eyes from the sun and my father just stayed put as well, talking to my mother every so often.

No one came for us. The guards switched and the less tired ones were horrid. They kicked rocks at us and spat at us and glared constantly. When they changed again, we got young men this time, who watched but seemed more distractible. They weren't quite as harsh yet.

I spoke quietly to the girl. "How long do they leave us here?"

She knew what I meant. She met my eyes and spoke softly. "The sun wears us down. No water leaves us weak, no food leaves us weaker, but the sun speeds it up. We become weak fast, then they come for us."

Her voice was timid, but sweet. It held an accent that sounded slightly more southern than ours. A dark bruise was forming on her cheek in a shape very similar to a hand. I wondered what she'd done to be slapped so hard. I also wondered why her hands were tied in front of her, why the big man next to the Chief had been holding her rope, and how many she'd lost.

I wanted to get us out of here. My family and this girl. As much as I'd been thinking about it, I couldn't get a grasp at anything.

"Do you know these guards?" I asked the girl. She seemed confused by my question and waited silently for me to go on. "Do you know which are weaker, more distracted?" These young ones stared at me, perplexed by my speaking.

"Edward," my father warned.

The girl turned fearful at my questions. She didn't answer and she seemed to be pleading me with her eyes like my father did with his voice.

"What's your name?" I asked her, trying to change to subject to something more light to calm her obvious fear. She didn't relax much. "I just want to talk," I said. "Can I have your name?"

"Bella," she answered. "Isabella Swan."

"Thank you," I told her. "I'm Edward Cullen. My father you've met." She nodded. "My little sister, Alice, is behind me, then Rosalie, then Emmett, her husband and my brother, then my mother, Esme."

She visibly relaxed. I didn't want to upset her, but I was going to nonetheless. I asked her, "How many were with you?"

She stiffened and pain etched into her face. Her jaw trembled, but she answered, "Eleven." Her eyes told me she was the only one that was left.

"Bella, will you tell me what happened?"

"Edward," my father hissed, but I ignored him.

"Will you tell me Bella?"

She didn't answer, she didn't indicate that she had any plan to tell me or not tell me, but after a long time of my waiting patiently and her silently shaking, I gave up.

The sun was high at noon and it was hot. I worried and I wished the girl would talk and I would think of something and get us all out of here, but it didn't happen. Alice was breathing heavy enough for me to hear her and I hated every one of the beings that held us here. They weren't human at all. They were evil, torturous monsters.

It was a terrible afternoon. The young guards stayed in the sun too, but they were brought water by women who didn't give us a second look. Children laughed and played in the distance. Alice was sweating to death just feet from me while I sat in the shade and despised every second of it.

My mother answered my father's questions steadily. When the sun finally started to set, the girl spoke again.

"Four of them were killed when they tried to take us," she spoke so quietly, I assumed I was probably the only one who could hear. "Three men tried to fight, they died, and I think they killed a girl to make us stop fighting. It worked. It surprised us, we were in shocked fear after that. The rest were brought here. My father and brother were killed when they fought the men who were tying them up while I was being taken away." She shuddered and tears silently ran down her cheeks. "The rest were killed within 7 days."

She sat quiet for a long while and I waited because I could see there was more she would say when she was ready. "They don't like when you fight," she told me pointedly. "But these young ones are as you say, more easy to distract but not weak by any means. The angry ones from before always watch, also very strong. The night men are four that are older, but they watch closely and don't seem to tire."

That was how it broke down then. From morning until the hottest part of the day were the mean ones, angry, closely watching, strong men. The afternoon was young, easily distracted men that weren't the big watchers, but were probably the strongest and fastest. And at night, we were watched by four big men that seemed somewhere in the middle, close watchers and strong.

The cover of night was the best bet anyway. Although getting untied would be difficult, I was fairly sure I could do it under the right circumstances. I didn't have a weapon, but I did have sharp object. Around my neck was a loosely tied string, attached to that was my "lucky rock." A rock that had a jagged edge. A rock that might be able to earn its name.

The distractible boys were not looking at me at the moment, so I nonchalantly began trying to flip the loose string upwards. When I could see it slightly, I crooked my head and tried to fish the string up with my tongue. Several attempts later, I had the string in my teeth. Unfortunately, it was good string and I wouldn't be able to snap it with my teeth. I used my mouth to turn the necklace until the rock was over my shoulder and behind my back. I kept an eye on the guards and when they still weren't looking, I started chewing on the string.

I chewed roughly and it tasted terrible, but I could feel it starting to wear between my teeth. It was becoming thin and wore enough that I could possibly snap it now if I tried. So I did. At precisely the wrong time.

They seemed to realized I was doing something and they rushed my way. The rock had slid down my back and into my waiting hand and they were going to find it. All chances of escape were going to be ruined with my poor timing. But my lucky rock unraveled from the string between my fingers and I was able to stuff it into the back of my pants before they noticed and I was holding nothing but the string when they got to me. They yelled at me in their foreign language and I heard Alice crying again as they pulled me up from my sitting position by my hair and ripped the string from my hands. The one holding my string back handed me quickly across the face and shoved me back against the ground. The jagged rock was just barely kept from falling out of reach and it shoved into my skin harshly when I fell to the ground but the pain felt amazing because it meant I still had my chance at escape.

So I carefully worked the rock up into my hands and I started sawing at the rope with the edge and I was as calm as could be while they checked me more often then the others. Dark had settled in and the night men would be coming soon. Well into the night would be my best time.

When they switched, they seemed to indicate me. I was one to be watched. My movements were controlled, slow, and even though my hand hurt like a horse had stepped on it, I continued to saw at the rope silently. The moon was high and bright when I felt strands of the rope start to untether. I felt hope and tried not to let it show. Strand after strand unwove and I was starting to feel hurried as the stars grew brighter above me. I could hear Alice's soft snore.

I needed help if this was going to work. "Bella?" I asked in the quietest whisper I could make.

"Yeah," she breathed back.

"I need your help. I need you to be brave. I need to save my family. I'm almost loose over here, I need you to get loose too."

Across the dark I could see her large brown eyes staring back at me. I could see the resolve there in them. She even managed a tiny smile for me when she said, "Okay."

She moved, not in a suspicious way, but actually purposely drew attention to herself as she laid down onto her side and curled in by her rock. She was smart and she'd been thinking about this and she just made my plan that much easier. She would pretend to sleep and pick her knot loose.

"Emmett?" I asked quietly.

"I'm awake," he answered gruffly.

"Are you feeling strong?" I asked him.

"Edward," I heard my father whisper, "please think before you get yourself killed."

"I'm okay," my brother answered.

I went over my plan one more time in my head and the final decision was made. Alice was asleep and she wouldn't have to see me die if it came to that. I didn't want to get Bella or Emmett hurt, but they were my only options for help. My rope broke free.

"Bella, say okay when you get loose."

"Oh-uh, alright, I mean," she answered.

"Emmett, do you think, if you put all your strength into it, you could bust the rope?"

There was a considerable silence before he answered. "Yes."

"Emmett, are you sure? You're going to be my distraction. I'm loose over here and Bella is going to get-"

"Bella?"

"The girl, from camp. Anyway, you'll need to get them over there and Bella and I will get up and help you. You'll have to bust loose and we'll have to… stop them."

I wanted to say kill, but I was avoiding key words like break, free, and kill.

"I'm sure," Emmett answered, "just say the word."

"Alright, when I say okay. Don't be loud, just get them over there. When they are…finished, hurry up and get everyone else. Yeah?"

"Yeah," Emmett answered.

"Bella?" I asked.

"Yeah, Edward."

I nodded.

//

I went over my plan a few hundred more times in my head. Bella finally whispered okay to me.

With one final rush over everything, I said, "Just get them over there, Emmett, and do whatever you have to do. I don't want anymore coming, we'll do whatever we have to about these four, but just don't draw outside attention. Quiet…. Okay!"

Emmett stood up. I could see him over his rock and he said, "Bathroom." They couldn't understand him, but they did move towards him warily. Emmett crossed his legs and made head movements while sort of dancing in place. The men checked around themselves and started going towards him, elbowing each other and kind of smirking. They probably thought it was funny that Emmett thought he was going to get untied for having to go to the bathroom. It was working, so I didn't really care what he did.

The men kept moving toward him, laughing and speaking in their own tongue, probably making jokes. I kind of hoped it was irritating Emmett. Emmett was a huge man and for him to get angry meant trouble. I'm sure he was angry enough as it was, with his pregnant wife tied helplessly next to him. But the more angry he would become, the better. His rage would fuel him to extremes that we needed.

It was the four men against Bella and I and Emmett once he was free. The closer they got to Emmett, the more nervous I became. I didn't want to see Bella get hurt.

"Change of plans," I whispered hurriedly to her. "Go untie my father, now, go!"

I jumped up and she jumped up after me, going the opposite direction. I kind of weaved between the huge boulders so they couldn't see me.

"Now Emmett," I hissed. With a running start, I launched at the two closest offenders. I heard something snap and I hoped it was Emmett's rope. We surprised the men and they luckily didn't have time to scream or yell.

With rage I didn't think I was capable of, I started hitting. I aimed for heads and used all of my strength. It wasn't enough. I felt one of them fighting back, though the other one was still. A sickening crunch in the background had me praying Emmett broke one of theirs, not the other way around. With a powerful kick, I flew backwards into Rosalie's rock. She gasped and the one that kicked me made to holler, so I pushed myself off the rock as strongly as possible and I landed hard on top of him. Knocking the breath right out of his yell.

What sounded slightly like something hard hitting a rock, hard, made me turn my head. Thankfully it was Emmett making the sound as he smashed one of the guy's heads in on a rock. It was disgusting and brutal, but it was the only way. A good way. I pulled up the one underneath me and shoved him towards the rock. He caught himself on it and I jumped on his back, grabbing two handfuls of oily black hair. The first blow knocked him out and I started to fall backwards with him. A hand grabbed my shirt and yanked me upright. Emmett was finishing off what looked to be the one I had knocked unconscious in the beginning.

"Bella has Alice untied, you untie Rose and I'll get your mother." I worked fast on my father's commands. Emmett pushed me aside halfway through the knot and I left for Alice. Bella was still there next to her. I leaned down and scooped Alice up in my arms, covering her mouth just incase she became afraid and tried to scream.

She awoke with wide eyes and when she saw me, she relaxed. "No screaming," I told her. I removed my hand and cradled her in my arms. "Let's get out of here," I said. I started off in the direction of our old camp, but I felt like I was missing someone. I could see Emmett carrying Rose and Dad and Mom connected by their hands. Bella was still at that rock where Alice had been, just staring at it.

I put Alice down on her feet and told her to run. She did but watched me the whole time as I went back for Bella.

"Bella, look at me." She didn't. "Bella, we need to get out of here. Come on." She still ignored me. "I won't go without you," I said. This made her look up. Her eyes were brimming with tears and I could see the ghosts that haunted her so clearly. "Take my hand," I told her. She did. "Now run."

They weren't far ahead, Alice was lagging, still watching for me and Mom and Dad wouldn't get too far ahead of her, or me. I sped up and pulled Bella along with me, not letting go of her hand. Alice kind of stopped when she saw me and turned slightly as I was coming. I grabbed her as I ran and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Foolish girl," I hissed. "I told you to run."

"I was running," she said, hugging my neck tight.

The only sounds in the dark night were our feet hitting the hard ground. Rocks kept digging into my feet but I ignored it. I ran hard, still pulling on Bella, gently urging her to move faster, and carrying the extra weight of Alice, but it was hardly anything.

"Father," I panted quietly.

He slowed with my mother slightly and when we caught up with them, we matched paces. He asked me, "Do you want me to take her?"

"No, I have her," I said. "Are we going to the camp?"

"Yes," he answered. "We'll have to hurry. We'll get as much from the wagon as we can and we'll saddle up the team and ride. We'll have to leave the wagon."

"They haven't come back for our things yet?" I asked him.

"I hope not."

The run felt like it took forever and I felt like I grew weaker with every leap and bound but I wouldn't put Alice down and I wouldn't let go of Bella. My feet felt sore and wet with blood and I swore I'd pull my boots on the second I saw them and possibly learn to sleep with them on. When the light of the moon finally reflected off the white covered wagon, I sighed with relief. It was there, unmoved and unburned, which hopefully meant untouched. I slowed slightly and let Alice slide down and I ran impossibly fast, catching up with Emmett and Rose who were still ahead. I jumped into the wagon, still running and actually let out a small laugh at the items still being there.

I found a sack of clothing and pulled out as many slacks and shirts as I could find, tying the legs and arm holes closed, I started stuffing supplies into them. When my mother and Alice came into the wagon, I handed it off to them and jumped back outside. I couldn't see the horses in the darkness but I could hear them moving and crunching. They weren't far off. I whistled.

Hooves thundered across the ground as at least one of them started towards me, probably Ginger, my red mare. She ran to me, nickering and stopping right in front of me. I pulled my saddle up from the ground and quickly threw it onto her back, cinching up and getting ready. Father and Emmett were saddling up their own when I started leading my mare towards the wagon to help finish packing up.

Mother handed me shirts and pants filled with supplies and I tied them carefully in front of my saddle. We had four horses and seven riders, which meant most of us would be riding double. Emmett would ride single, he was easily the size of me and Alice put together. His horse was large but not large enough for two.

Everyone seemed to be ready and we stood there for just a moment; we were shocked, confused, unsure.

"Father, you take Alice," I said. He nodded in agreement.

"Rose and I can ride together," Esme said and I nodded to that.

"I'll take Bella," I said. There was more nodding and everyone went to mount. "Do you ride?" I asked Bella. She nodded. "Great," I said, "we're going to be riding fast, you're up front." She seemed surprised when I grabbed her and hoisted her up into the saddle. I threw my now booted foot into the stirrup and mounted behind the saddle. "C'mon Ginger," I said and I reached forward with my long legs and kicked her sides.

She lurched from a standstill into a gallop and Bella collected the reins loosely in her hands. Her hair flew back into my face and I held on lightly to the back of the saddle seat as we loped across the flat land. Bella steered and the big moon shone down on us as we ran. I grew tired and quite possibly relaxed enough on my horse that I could have fallen asleep. I wasn't making that mistake again though.

It was hours that we ran and my pants were wet with my horse's sweat. The cool night helped, but the horses were thirsty and panting. Emmett was ahead on his long legged horse, Bella and I just slightly behind, and Carlisle holding back his big horse to stay with Esme and Rosalie on the slightly older team horse. Carlisle looked extremely worried. I did my best not to think about it and I smiled at Alice who was hanging onto our father's waist.

We hadn't heard anyone behind us and the sun was just rising which meant we were probably just being discovered as missing. We had hours for a head start but just like in Alice and I's game of tag, head starts didn't count when one was so much faster than the other. The Modocs could catch us still, we had to keep riding.

We finally hit water at the mid-part of the day. We were all sweaty and tired and thirsty. Everyone got off and drank and splashed the cool water on themselves. I led Ginger to a deeper part of water and let her cool off in the cool, running stream. We didn't get long, but it was enough.

It was obvious Emmett had dislocated his shoulder, either breaking free, fighting, or carrying Rose, or a combination of the three. His shoulder was dropped and his arm immobile so my father had to put it back in place. He placed me in front of Emmett, with my hands on his chest to stop any movement forward when father pushed. He manipulated the shoulder, pressing lightly and feeling around the bone. From around Emmett's broad shoulder, my father gave me a pointed look and I braced, he pushed and the shoulder popped loudly back in place. Emmett grunted in pain, but didn't holler or make a fuss. Rosie rushed over quickly to make sure he was okay.

I was mostly unscathed, only the knife wound on my throat and some bruises. Most of the blood had worn off with sweat and the rest was washed away with the water. My father still insisted on checking me over and I was embarrassed while everyone watched as he lifted my shirt and pressed on my bruised back to check each rib for any fractures. I didn't flinch or hiss, even as he prodded an extremely tender spot. It was my Alice who rushed to me to see if I was alright. I rolled my eyes at her.

– – –

Bella gave me the saddle this time as we rode off. I assured her I was fine in back, but she, I guess, felt like trading off. We ran into another small stream only hours later. It was a much smaller body of water and father suggested we ride through the water for a while. We rode north, at a much slower pace, through the water and following the stream. Our path was undetectable here. When the sun started to set, we left the water and started west again. Hours into the night, we stopped. The grass was lusher here and there were more streams, which meant we were leaving the more sandy area and getting closer to our destination.

Mother unpacked us some bread and we all happily ate it, except Bella, who declined to eat. We didn't make a fire and supplies were running low so bread was all we had for now. I was fine with that, and for once, I think Emmett was fine with just bread for dinner. We were all quite happy to be alive. The women and Emmett laid down for the night while my father agreed to take watch over us. I wanted to keep watch too, because I didn't want to be asleep again when something happened, but he begged me to go to sleep.

I laid down on the far outside of the line, while Emmett was on the other far outside, the women between us. Bella had been on the end, keeping her distance, but I forced her slightly closer to my family. Then Alice worked her magic and got Bella to trade places with her.

"Would you go to sleep already," I whispered down at Alice as she crawled closer to me.

She smiled and even the mock anger rushed away. I hugged her and as always, she fell asleep impossibly quickly. Bella smiled slightly at me as I laid there with Alice in my arms. I smiled back and closed my eyes so not to make her uncomfortable by looking at her. I fell asleep too.

I slept for what felt like a long time, though I'd expected to be woken to switch places with my father. I was surprised it was Emmett who woke me.

"Edward, Alice, get on, the sun's coming up."

I stirred and Alice yawned loudly. Bella was still asleep so I reached over Alice and gently shook her. She awoke and opened those browns eyes. They pierced me with their intensity, but I didn't allow myself to linger. Everyone got up and our camp was packed up.

The horses seemed happy, despite their hard workout. The green, lush grass was going to be helpful. Both to their appetite and their feet. The rush started again as we all saddled up quickly and mounted.

We made it through our first night of bedding down without incidence, but now the fear crept back up. They could be catching up after the hours of downtime we'd had. We started off at a fairly brisk pace again. Galloping across the grass towards the west.

– – –

It was six sunrises of the same thing, still without a sign of them. Six sunrises later that we ran into a town. We found out we were in west Idaho and only weeks away from our destination in Washington. The townsfolk avoided us like the plague and gave us scornful looks after they found out we'd been kidnapped by Modocs. We could have led the Modocs to this town, is probably what they were thinking. We needed supplies and although we didn't have much money left, we bought what we could. Money and land was waiting for us in Washington. Just a few short weeks more of riding.

– – –

After that town, that night was the first time we'd built a fire since the night on the prairie. Emmett caught a rabbit and mother cooked up the meat. The meat was good with the bread. I even got dessert.

"Psst," Alice whispered at me. I rolled my eyes and looked at her. She very stealthily slid her hand towards mine and deposited something sticky into my palm. I recognized it as a root beer barrel.

"Alice, you didn't?" I asked, praying she didn't steal candy.

"I had a nickel," she said very innocently.

"Oh really?" I asked.

She nodded. "I found it. On the floor. No one else was in the store," she said with a shrug.

"So you claimed it as your own?" I asked.

She huffed. "Edward, just eat the damn barrel."

"Watch your mouth," I told her with a stern look. "And why should I eat the barrel, it's your stolen candy."

"I didn't steal anything," she said very defensively. "The nickel was on the floor and I talked the man into a handful for a nickel." I'll bet she did too. Alice had a way, she could talk anyone into just about anything.

"You have a handful of them? And you just share with me?"

"No, I was going to share with everyone else, but since I knew you'd be the biggest baby about it, I figured I'd give you yours first. But since you don't want it…" She made to grab the barrel back from me but I popped it in my mouth. And it tasted wonderful. With a satisfied smile, she gave one to Bella next, who had probably heard the whole story, as she was somehow seated next to me again. Bella thanked Alice and Alice made rounds, giving everyone a barrel. She told the story again and both my mother and father gave her disapproving looks, but she was right, I was the one to make the biggest fuss over it. I was mostly teasing her.

– – –

More days went by without a sign of being followed. Another week closer to our new home and we started to relax. We were talking again and laughing. We slowed down so not to kill our horses, though they would probably end up useless and lame after this anyway. The days were long and slowly getting cooler the further west we went. The sun started to disappear and it started to rain daily. But we were in the land of trees now. The trees gave some protection and the rain didn't usually come with thunder, lightening, or wind. I began to understand why doctors were so desperately needed here. It was cool and it rained non-stop, of course everyone would be sick. We started to become restless. We'd condemned ourselves to a life with no sun.

Someone always stayed up on night watch. We had a schedule, tonight was my night. Bella stayed up with me this night.

"Long day ahead of us tomorrow, Bella," I hinted.

She just smiled lightly and said, "I'm not tired."

It was a lie. We were all tired. She saw my skepticism but didn't comment, just continued to sit with me near the fire under the dark, starry sky. She didn't talk much. And mostly it was to me if she did, though she seemed to like everyone else too. She occasionally laughed at Emmett with one of his jokes, and she smiled at Alice a lot, and she liked to help my mother.

"Why don't you eat with us?" I asked her.

She frowned down at her feet slightly. I recognized her clothes as my mother's. They were slightly big on her as Bella was small, but not too much smaller than Esme. I imagined she was shrinking even smaller without eating.

I waited for her answer. She peeked at me out of the side of her eye and saw I was waiting. "It's your food," she said with a shrug.

"And we offer it to you, but you don't eat it," I replied.

"I do sometimes," she tried.

"Only because Alice has her ways," I said. I saw Bella smile lightly. "So tell me why, Bella."

She sighed and when she looked up at me, I saw her ghost-haunted eyes again that came out every so often. "You have done so much for me, I can't bear to eat your food too."

"Bella," I sighed. "you're one of us now, you're part of our family." I didn't like the way my words sounded so I added, "If you want to be, that is. If there is somewhere else for you, someone else..." I trailed off.

Her head shook lightly. "I have no one, only you." I saw her cheeks turn lightly red and it made my heart stutter a bit. "Your family I mean, they are all I have."

"Then eat with us," I said.

"Rosalie needs more for the baby, I won't take the extra that should be for her."

"You're stubborn," I said. "Mother makes sure Rosalie gets enough for the baby, so don't worry yourself over it. There is plenty for you. Okay?" I could see the hard, determined set of her lips even from the side of her face. I gently cupped her chin and made her look at me. I stared her hard in the eyes and said again, "Okay?" She shivered slightly and nodded against my hand. I pushed the blanket I had on my shoulders off and lightly wrapped it around hers. "If you're really not going to go to bed, then don't sit over here freezing to death," I said. I went to fetch an extra blanket then resettled next to her near the fire.

– – –

After another few days, we drew closer to the shoreline, and our destination, and the clouds started to break up some. It grew warm, it was finally sunny again, and we found a nice spot where the trees were open and the water was in the shining sun.

Even after all the rain, the water looked inviting. We stopped for the afternoon and we set up camp. Alice was the first to loose her shoes and jump into the water, Emmett was quickly after her, shucking his shirt and pants, leaving his underwear only.

Rosalie and I both got up at the same time. She giggled and I laughed too. She removed most of her clothing, though she left her undergarments and I followed suit of Emmett, leaving my underwear.

The water was warmer than I expected and it felt wonderful. We splashed and played and swam and Emmett dunked us, or tried. Ma and Pa were down stream washing clothing and hanging it in the sun to dry and Emmett and Rosie eventually disappeared mysteriously. I kept Alice in seeing distance so she wouldn't wander off looking for them. God only knows…

"Bella, aren't you coming in?" Alice asked.

"No, thank you Alice. I'll enjoy the sun up here," Bella answered. She had a blanket down in the grass and was laying on her stomach, her hair off her shoulders, letting the sun wash over her, warming her bare arms and neck.

When Rose and Emmett returned, I got out of the water. My playful mood had vanished with their grotesquely satisfied grins. I felt eyes on me and was surprised to find Bella staring at me from her place on the blanket. I met her eyes and she quickly looked away, turning deep red. Embarrassed and insecure, I turned my back and started to put my clothes back on. I let the feelings pass, no reason for them to linger when we shared such close quarters.

I sat on the edge of her blanket. "My mother can keep guard while you bathe you know, or Rosalie, or Alice, whomever makes you more comfortable."

Her cheeks went crimson red. "I'll bathe later, thanks," she said softly.

"The sun is out, there is no reason for you to catch a chill bathing after dark."

She shrugged, "I'm used to it."

I sighed. She was impossible. It didn't matter what I said, she could contradict me. "Really, if you're too ashamed to ask, I'll ask my mother for you."

She huffed a little bit. "No, thank you. I'll bathe tonight. If I really smell that bad you can go sit somewhere else." I could see the offense clearly on her face.

I dropped down onto my stomach next to her. "You smell fine," delicious even, but I kept that to myself, "I'm just trying to figure you out."

She looked into my eyes, probably to see if I really thought she smelled bad or not, and after a few brief moments of me getting lost in the dark brown globes, she flushed again and looked away. The sun reflected off of her dark hair and I caught the oddest glimpse of red. I unthinkingly stroked the lock that shone red and she turned to look at me again, surprised and still red-faced.

"Sorry," I muttered, pulling my hand back. "Your hair has red in it, you know," I said.

She didn't reply and I closed my eyes so not to embarrass either of us any further. We stayed there in the sun, enjoying the feel of it, for the rest of the day. It was my turn to stay up at night again and Bella made a repeat of the last time, staying by the fire with me.

We talked quietly of nothing important for a small while, until she awkwardly cut off the chat by standing up.

"I think I'll go bathe now."

"Okay," I said. She collected some things from a makeshift sack and slowly picked her way down the waterline. I felt a bit on edge as she left my eye and ear shot. I strained to hear her but I couldn't. I considered going to check on her, but realized how inappropriate that would be. She would be naked, I wondered how much of a pig it made me to almost want to see that. I sternly shook my head at myself, shaking those thoughts away.

But then I heard something, and it wasn't Bella. I couldn't see her and I couldn't hear her. Something bad could happen. I had to know if she was alright. So I snuck along the shoreline, following along the path she had likely taken. When I heard her moving in the water, I should have turned around, but I didn't. I was compelled to see her, and whether it was just to make sure she was alright or not, I told myself that was the reason.

I crept quietly closer until I could see light against dark. The bright moon shone down onto the water, turning the stream surface black. Her skin was alabaster pale and white against everything and I just stared. She was submersed in the water to her shoulders and she had her head tilted back with her hair in the water. My eyes kept following the elegant curve of her throat and down to her chest. I wondered what exactly was hidden below the surface. But even more, I wondered why I wondered that and why I was here staring.

I peeled my eyes away and turned back towards camp. As I took the first step, I heard the sound again. Like a twig snapping. Something creeping, besides me. Something was out there. Bella didn't notice it, I could still hear her gentle movements in the water as she washed her hair.

"Bella?" I whispered quietly.

I heard her gasp. "Edward?"

"I'm not looking, I swear. I just…are you okay?"

"I'm fine. What are you doing?" She didn't sound as angry as I imagined she would be.

"I heard something. Something's out there. I had to make sure you were okay. Are you almost finished?"

"What do you mean something's out there?"

"I don't know," I said. "I didn't mean to startle you and I honestly wasn't looking," for long. "I just don't like you out here alone. Would you please hurry up?" I begged.

I heard the water slosh some more and then she said, "Don't turn around."

I firmly forced myself to stand stock still when all I wanted to do was break her orders as I heard her drawing closer to me. I curled my hands into my pants so tightly my knuckles hurt. She was just behind me, completely naked. And she trusts you, my head told me. I couldn't break her trust, especially not for something so stupid. I don't even know why I wanted to see her naked.

"I'm decent," she muttered finally.

I uncurled my fists and turned around. She was wrong, she was entirely indecent. Her hair was shiny black in the moonlight, running down over the curves of her subtle breasts. Even clothed, her skin still glowed like alabaster and my eyes were glued to her throat and chest.

She moved towards me, carrying the things she brought with her. "So what did you hear?"

I hardly heard her question as she walked towards me. I couldn't stop staring at her. It was like I saw her in a whole new light. In the moon light, I saw Bella.

I remembered her question when she said, "Edward?"

Oh. Right. Potential danger. "I don't know what it was. Could be nothing, but I wasn't taking the chance. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you."

Her lip twitched up slightly and I wanted to touch it. I settled for reaching for her hand to lead her back to the camp. Her small fingers twined with mine and an odd jolt seemed to shoot from where our skin touched. I looked at our hand curiously as the feeling persisted. Bella did that shivering thing of hers again. Serves her right for bathing in the dark.

//

The nights grew progressively colder as we continued North and West. We started sharing blankets, using body heat to stay warm. On the nights that I wasn't the one to stay up on watch, I shared with Bella. It probably would seem "unconventional" to have a man and woman that were not married sharing a blanket, but I remained so perfectly gentlemanly that I doubt anyone could comment on it. Outwardly I was gentlemanly anyway, inwardly, I couldn't help but notice every small thing about her.

I loved the way she felt, so warm against me. I loved the way she smelled, like a heavily flowered meadow in the sun just after a fresh spring rain. I loved the way she breathed. I loved how soft her hair was. I loved the way she was so shy. I loved her deep brown eyes. I loved how she trusted me and sought out my company. I loved the way she talked in her sleep.

The night she'd said my name whilst dreaming had been a difficult one. I'd very nearly buried my head into her hair and crushed her body to me. That night I realized I couldn't look at her the same anymore, because I loved everything about her. I loved her.

And the nights that I was on night duty, she'd say goodnight to me sweetly, looking very much like she wanted to sit next to me, but was unwilling, just as I was, to let Alice catch a chill. She kept little Alice warm. I loved her even more for that.

We started to talk with each other more. During our long days of riding, we began to converse about ourselves. We were lost in our own little world, talking about everything we could think of.

I found out she was my age, seventeen years old. Her favorite color was green – though I have yet to find out why she blushed when telling me so. She was well-educated and from the East just as I was. Her favorite horse had been called "Thing" because it was utterly hideous looking with an ugly rust color and a large head, she'd called him, "the most dependable Thing there'd ever been."

More difficult topics started to rise the more we talked. She wouldn't turn her head and smile at me when we talked about them and I knew better than to look at her over my shoulder as I hated seeing her eyes look sad and alone.

I found out her mother's name was Renee and her father was Phillip. She'd had one brother named Charlie. Her best friend had been a girl slightly older than her named Angela, another good friend had been a younger girl, Jessica. She'd lost them all, plus some other loved ones to the savage beasts.

She told me about how she'd been meant to be the Chief's son's wife. I panicked slightly and unthinkingly blurted a question about them raping her. The arm she had around my waist tensed, but she answered no. She told me about how she would fight whenever anyone would so much as lay a hand on her. She said she left nasty bite marks on the Chief's son, bruises too from kicking and punching. She told me she had been starting to grow weak though, and if I hadn't have rescued her, she'd have either been killed for her struggling or grown so frail she wouldn't have been able to withstand any longer.

I shuddered at the thought. The Modocs were as stubborn as they were brutal, and converting Bella was obviously their goal. They had to of realized quickly how stubborn she was, how much she'd probably have rather died then live with them. I was thankful for their stubbornness, if not for that, she'd probably have been beaten severely or just killed. The Chief's son had wanted her bad to have restrained.

I was much more worrisome after discovering that fact. Taking something so precious from them was a catastrophic mistake, if they caught us that is. I'd never see Bella as a mistake, but if they caught us, we were all dead. We'd come so far though; just how stubborn were they? I couldn't help but look over my shoulder for followers.

– – –

"Charlie loved to fish," Bella said quietly. We both walked today giving Ginger a well earned rest as we led her along. "We always had more fish than we could eat." With her by my side, I couldn't help but look at her. She had a very sad smile on her lips. I reached for her hand. Her face turned red as she clasped her fingers around mine.

"What do you like to do?" I asked.

Bella's sadness seemed to dissipate. She smiled. "I like to read."

I was intrigued. "Go on."

She flushed lightly, peaking at me out of the corner of her eye. "I used to have some Austen, I enjoyed Brontë as well."

I could feel myself gawking, but I couldn't stop. She actually enjoyed reading. Not only did she enjoy reading, she knew her literature. Romantic literature, but literature nonetheless!

"Do I have something on my face?" She asked me confusedly, wiping a few stray locks of wild hair from her face.

"No," I answered, closing my mouth but unable to stop staring. "It's just, I can't believe...how haven't we talked of this before?" I shook my head. "Emily or Charlotte?" I asked her.

She seemed taken aback by my question, but not because she couldn't chose, more that she couldn't believe I was asking. "I adore Wuthering Heights," she answered.

"Why?" I asked. "I prefer Jane Eyre."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You would, Edward."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You should talk, Isabella."

Then she laughed. She actually laughed. Ghosts of laughs would escape occasionally before, but nothing like this. This was her laugh. It was beautiful and airy and just as perfect as everything else about her. I loved her laugh too.

I couldn't interrupt that laugh, though I did wonder how in the world one could "adore" Wuthering Heights? Was she being honest or testing me? Obviously testing, there was nothing redeeming about any of the characters, they were malignant, selfish, hateful beings.

When her laugh died away, I questioned her. "So you were joking right? No one really adores that book."

She gave me an amused look. "I'm serious."

"Why?" I asked incredulously. She shrugged. "Heathcliff and Cathy are terrible, they are evil. The story would have been okay if not for the fact that either of them have zero redeeming qualities."

"They have a redeeming quality," she stated pointedly.

"What on earth are you talking about?" I asked, bemused.

"Their love, I think, is what redeems them. It's inevitable, in the end, nothing can keep them apart."

I stared, even more in love with her than before, because of her thoughtful remark.

I watched her lips twitch upwards into what I thought must have been a smug smirk. "Nothing else to add?"

"I still think they are both evil," I said.

"I never disagreed with them being evil. Still think I'm crazy for adoring it anyway?"

"I never thought you were crazy," I told her. We left the Brontë debate at that and moved onto Austen.

It was funny how the time flew while we talked. I learned she'd only read Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice. I promised her she would "adore" Emma and Mansfield Park as well. I swore to myself I'd get them, as well as every other Austen and Brontë book I could find, for her.

I fell hopelessly in love with her the more she spoke.

Even into the dark, we continued on. Alice curled up with our parents while Bella and I quietly went on and on by the fire. Then it happened.

The blinding pain pierced my shoulder and I fell backwards from the force. I heard Bella scream and immediately reached for her, pulling her down and out of the way. I could hear my family awaking now. I hoped Emmett and Father were getting the women safely out of danger. I could hear the others approaching. It was too quiet for them to be on horseback. I could mostly only see black, except for Bella. She was all I saw. She was afraid and crying, trying to move, while I pinned her to the ground and tried not to bleed on her or disturb the arrow that was sticking from my shoulder.

Fear and hopelessness compelled me. If anything were to happen to me – and I would die to make sure nothing would happen to her – I wanted her to know.

"Bella," I said, unnecessarily speaking as she was already staring at me, but I felt the need to say her name. I had her undivided attention, though I could see russet skinned, black haired men surrounding us. "I love you," I told her.

I removed myself from her then and turned my back to her. I ripped the arrow from my right shoulder and tossed it aside. It hurt like hell, but I wouldn't allow myself to succumb to the pain. I was turning back to Bella when I felt two hands press firmly down on the hole in my shoulder. The were recognizably her hands as she applied pressure to stop the bleeding. Her hands were being covered in my blood. It was a useless feat, the bleeding wouldn't stop before they took us away, but an act done out of love.

I turned to look at her and was alarmed by the look on her face. The pain was so distinct that I thought she had been shot too. But I recognized the ghosts. They were there full force and I'd never seen how much they troubled her.

"I love you too," she told me.

And I saw myself as one of her ghosts. Another love lost. I covered her blood filled hands with my own. Her eyes opened to find my face right in front of her own.

"I'll never leave you," I promised her. Not through death, not through life, not if she froze with fear, certainly not if she was kidnapped again. I just wouldn't.

It was a promise that I sealed with a kiss. A breath stealing, life altering kiss. Her lips fit perfect against mine. I was positive in that moment that we were meant to have found each other. Nothing would stop our love. I grew uncontrollably angry when we were forced apart and gathered up by very large men.

"You are on our land," spoke one of them. Not only did his English surprise me, but again his size as he easily held Emmett immobile.

Father spoke. "We are very sorry. We will hastily leave."

The big man laughed. "I'm sure you would. But you pale faces are savage people. You kill our sacred animals and destroy our land. You will speak with our Elder Leader."

I felt our future was grim as we were led back to this "Elder Leader." I could only imagine what was in store for us. Upon entering their camp, I took notice of their woman and children. Most were dressed modernly, in dresses and pants. They weren't all wearing just animal hides. They were obviously trading, therefore cordial, with at least one group of, as they put it, pale faces.

Some of the women even looked surprised to see us being drug through camp. These were obviously not the brutal tribe the Modocs were.

Arriving at the "Elder Leader's" teepee again surprised me because it was not set near the center, was not any larger or more elaborate looking. It was simple and understated. It seemed like a good idea to me, though. No one would know where the Chief's tent was if they couldn't tell it apart from the others.

"Billy, we have visitors," said the one holding Emmett.

Billy? These Indians did not even have usual tribal names like Big Fish or Wolf Fang, but white men's names.

The Elder Leader emerged from his tent. He was wrinkled slightly, but when he spoke, he sounded very young, yet knowing. "Ah, Sam. Where have you found these?"

Sam, he was the one who had Emmett. He must have been some other kind of Leader, if not the Elder Leader. "They were just a few miles off, in the heart of our land. We could smell the smoke and followed to their fire. Most were asleep."

"And why is this one bleeding from his chest?" Billy motioned towards me. "Did they fight?"

Sam smiled a little bit. "Paul lost his temper. They did not fight us, they came willingly and did offer to leave before we took them."

The elder smiled now. "Paul, what have I told you about that temper?"

I found out which one shot me as he said, "I know," quite grudgingly.

"May I speak?" My father asked.

The Elder smiled widely. "Since you asked kindly, I am willing to allow it."

"We do not mean you any harm and we are all very sorry if we caused you any trouble. We are honestly just passing through and did not have any plans to harm your land, people, or animals."

The knowing Elder seemed to be thinking. Again he smiled. "We are kind people," he said. "We have agreements with the pale faces around us. Some of them do not like it. As well as being kind people, we are also strong people, so they do not fight us. All we ask is that you stay off our land."

Carlisle nodded quickly. "Yes, absolutely. We will be clear of your land at once and not set another foot on it."

"This I am glad to hear. Now, we did not invite you here, but because one of mine so unnecessarily harmed your's, we would like to invite you to eat with us."

Father agreed, though apprehensively. With a movement of the Elder's hand, we were released. Bella came immediately to me and was again applying pressure to my wound.

"It's okay," I assured her. She didn't looked reassured. She looked slightly angry actually by the glare she was giving me. It made me laugh a bit, before I realized that she was also worried.

"May I tend to my son before eating?" My father asked.

"Sure," agreed the Elder.

Father removed my shirt and his own and tied pressure over the hole and used the other shirt to make a sling for my arm. He gave me a pointed look before turning back to the Elder and telling him that it would do for now.

I made sure to be seated next to Bella and kept my mouth tightly closed except to eat what was put in front of me. No one really looked comfortable, though the meal was good and the people were actually quite warm. Not one of us spoke unless spoken to.

The Elder addressed me. "I hope you will not hold it against us for one of our more angered members."

Again, I received the pointed look from my father and kept my mouth shut. He answered for me. "Of course not."

The Elder seemed confused. "Does he not speak for himself?"

Carlisle smiled at him. "You'll have to forgive me. My son has a bit of a temper himself and I am only trying to keep the peace. He will of course forgive the one mistake."

"He does not seem to agree by the look on his face."

I forced a calm and when Bella squeezed my hand under the table, I managed to smile. I wasn't fond of being talked for, nor being talked about like I wasn't sitting right there. I also wasn't fond of being shot, or forgiving those who shot me.

Across the way from Bella and I, there was a young boy, who by looks appeared Alice's age in his face but very mature everywhere else. He was Alice's opposite. For what Alice lacked in size and mass, this boy possessed vastly. He was easily as tall as I was and probably double my width. He was staring at Bella.

I hadn't noticed earlier, but now that I had, I felt my blood boil. She seemed completely unaware of the fact. I'd never felt quite so protective or possessive of another in my life, and I didn't mind that I was feeling it for her.

"Jacob," said the Elder. The boy looked at the old man. "My son, go help collect the visitors' things so they can be on their way."

My anger grew. Another descendant of a leader being after my Bella was not a good thing. In fact, I would say it was one of the worst things I could imagine.

"You okay?" Bella asked me quietly, squeezing my hand again.

I nodded, squeezing her hand back and not letting go this time. Her oddly sparking touch calmed me somehow and because he was no longer there staring at her, I was able to forget it.

We continued to eat our meal and I felt a sudden drowse come over me. I could feel myself starting to panic because it was obvious that I had been drugged, but I couldn't make my mouth move to tell the others to stop eating. I believe I was unconscious just moments later.

– – –

I woke up to warmth and sunlight. I heard waves crashing and opened my eyes confusedly.

"How are you feeling?" asked a voice that was unbelievably recognizable to me, though I'd known it for such a short time.

I turned my head to find her and she was sitting next to me, in a white sundress. Her dark hair was shining with those red highlights and she was smiling at me lovingly with a hint of concern.

"I'm fine," I answered, sitting up to orientate myself and figure out where we were.

We were both on a blanket, in the sand, on a beach, by what looked to be the ocean. It wasn't the white sand and crystal clear water I was used to. The sand here was darker, behind us was a forest of trees, and the water was ominously gray, even in the bright sun. Tall cliff like rock formations stood in the water and against it further down the beach and the waves were crashing loudly into those.

"Where are we?" I asked, mostly to myself.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" said Bella.

Her voice brought my attention back to her and I had a feeling that I wouldn't be looking away again. If anything out here was beautiful, it was her.

"Yes," I said, wondering if she would be too embarrassed to know I was talking about her.

"I'm glad you're okay," she told me. She had been staring me unwaveringly in the eye, but as she started to speak again, she looked down at her hands and her cheeks went pink. "Did you mean what you said?"

"That I love you?" I guessed. She nodded, still not meeting my eye. I gently reached for her face and she allowed me to place my hand on her cheek. Even after she looked back at me, I kept my palm on her cheek. "Absolutely, Bella. I love you. I also meant it when I said I'd never leave you. As long as you want me, I'll be with you."

Her lips parted and I heard a deep breath rush out of her mouth like she'd been holding it. "I love you too. I'll always want you, Edward," she said, leaning into me and wrapping her arms around my neck.

I let my hand follow around the back of her neck and I cupped it, bringing her face closer to my neck and placing my other arm around her shoulder to hug her back. I felt her sigh into my skin and shuddered at the feel of it. She pulled back slightly and I allowed her to move away from me, though I didn't want to let her go, ever.

She didn't move very far away and she looked up at me through her lashes, her cheek burning red. I tilted my head slightly, wondering what on earth she could be thinking. She advanced forward again but stopped and when she licked her lips, I figured it out. She wanted to kiss me, but was too nervous to do it.

I smiled and leaned forward, closing the distance between us. Her lips curved against mine in the same smile I was wearing. She sighed through her nose and I chuckled quietly against her lips. Her hands came to my face first and then she reached farther back and slowly knotted her fingers into my hair. I mimicked her first move, cupping either of her cheeks but then I let them fall slowly down the perfect expanse of her throat. My thumbs brushed against her collarbones and traced their shape a few times before climbing back up to her shoulders then into her hair. It was so soft in my hands.

Her breathing had picked up so I moved my lips from hers to allow her to catch a breath. I ghosted feather light kisses on her cheeks, across her nose, up to her still closed eyelids, and back down from her temples.

What felt like a jarring blow to my abdomen had me pulling away from her and shooting my back straight suddenly. I looked down at my stomach, expecting to find an arrow or something sticking out of it, but nothing was there.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked worriedly, cupping my face in her hands and pleading me to tell her with her eyes.

"Nothing," I said, then a rocking motion made me light headed and I fell towards her. I felt like I was crushing her beneath me so I started to scramble up, only to be held down.

– – –

"Take it easy, Edward, I got you," came my father's voice.

"Bella," I gasped, scrambling again.

"She's with Alice on Ginger. Everyone is fine."

My eyes finally unclouded enough to see red hair on horsehide. I was leaned over Alistair's back behind Carlisle's saddle, his hand was holding me steady on the horse by the back of my pants.

"What happened?" I asked.

"The Indian woman that cooked your meal was that Paul's mother. She felt bad for her son's temper and put a 'sacred healing medicine' into you food. Apparently, it knocked you unconscious."

"Great. Shot by an Indian and drugged by his mother. Wonderful to hear I have so many friends."

Carlisle laughed. "This Indian remedy actually seems to be speeding your healing process. I've never seen a wound start to heal so quickly. If only I could get my hands on that…" he trailed off.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked, looking forward, behind, and as far as I could see to each side of us.

"They're ahead of us. They'll find a place to make camp. Tomorrow will be our last day of riding, Edward, I know you'll be happy to hear that."

I sighed happily. "I am, despite the arrow wound."

"Bella made a friend." I know he felt me stiffen. "The Elder's son-"

"She will not have a thing to do with him," I growled.

"Edward, it's hardly your place to say who Bella will have a thing to do with. Besides, the Quileute Tribe was very accommodating, despite your arrow wound. I would like to stay on good terms with them and they said they come North now and then. He may want to visit Bella."

"No," I spat.

"Care to tell me why."

I fought every urge to say, "because she's mine." As much as I wanted her to be mine, she wasn't. She may not even want to be mine. And my father was right, it wasn't my place to say who Bella wanted to do anything with. "Because, father, she was held prisoner by a Chief's son once already, I don't think she'll be kin to have a relationship with another one."

"This boy and tribe is nothing like the Modocs, Edward. I've been meaning to ask you, has she said anything to you about that?"

"The being held prisoner thing?"

"Yes."

"Not really. She did tell me she tried to fight them though."

"Yes, I saw the evidence of that. She bit him quite hard. Do you remember her bloody nose and lip?"

"Yes," I said, recalling giving her my handkerchief. The bruise on her cheek had lasted some time, but her lip had heeled quickly.

"When that beast that was keeping her captive pointed to his bite wound, he then pointed to Bella's mouth, showing me she bit him. He touched her face, she retaliated by kicking him in the groin. I was hard pressed not to laugh, but I knew they were Modoc, I thought he would kill her. He smacked her across the face, hard enough that she fell. She's a strong one, I didn't even see a tear."

My fists clenched and I was ready to march myself halfway back across the country to find him and beat him to death for hitting her. I hoped she kicked him hard enough to never reproduce.

I rode in silence for sometime, seething. I wanted to find Bella and kiss her cheek, promise her she'd never be hit again. I wanted to find the one who hit her and teach him how it felt, over and over again, until he couldn't get up anymore. I even wanted to yell at my father for not protecting her better, though I knew deep down there was nothing he could have done.

"What do you suppose Bella will do when we arrive at our home?" my father asked me.

I hadn't really thought about it, logically speaking anyway. I dreamed of the possibility of living with her a few times. Mostly I just assumed she'd stay with us. The way my father worded it made it sound like she wouldn't be. He made it sound like he knew she'd go somewhere else, or that he would tell her she wasn't welcome with us.

"I don't know," I said. With a great deal of thought, I added, "But I'm prepared to go wherever she does if she'll have me."

He didn't respond at first and I didn't look to see what type of expression he was wearing. My stomach and my back hurt from the position I was in over the horse's back, but at least that distracted me from the pain in my shoulder. The sound of hooves on dirt reverberated through my head as I waited for a response.

"Your mother and I have discussed it and we'd already agreed that Bella would be more than welcome with us, I just was hoping you'd admit your feelings," he finally added, sounding rather amused. "We thought you could take the room that was meant for Alice and since your room was bigger, we thought we'd give that one to the girls."

My only problem with that was that I wasn't the one sharing a room with Bella, but I wasn't about to complain about it. "Great," I said.

"Are you going to make things complicated?" he asked me.

"I have no idea what you mean," I responded.

My father sighed, "Exactly as I expected."

//

My father finally allowed me to sit up after another couple of miles. Riding behind him was very awkward and I really longed for Bella's sweet scent and her hair in my face.

When we finally caught up to them, they already had a fire going and beds down. I saw Bella before she saw me with the help of the firelight and she looked unbelievably worried. When she heard us approaching, her eyes widened and scanned for us in the direction we were coming from. I would have loved to jump down and run to her, but my shoulder was starting to ache.

We broke through the cusp of trees and the firelight shown far enough out that Bella could see us and she was scanning me over worriedly. She looked like she was expecting to find another arrow sticking out of me! When she couldn't see one, she visibly relaxed and a smile warmed her bright face.

I slid carefully off the horse's back and Alice met me there. She hugged me so tight I had to say, "Ow."

"Oh, Edward, sorry," Alice squeaked. "I'm sorry."

"You're stronger than you look," I grumbled, mussing her hair. "Did you save me any supper?"

"I tried, but Emmett ate it all." We both looked over at Emmett for his reaction, but he was otherwise preoccupied at the moment so we didn't even get a rise out of him. I kissed my mother on the cheek and finally made it to the person I'd been dying to see the most.

"Hi," I said.

I couldn't keep my cheeks from twitching upwards when she blushed and said, "Hi," back.

The unease was awkward and embarrassing so I decided to just wade right through the middle of it and wrap my arms around her in a tight hug.

"I feel like we've already had this conversation, but since you weren't technically there, I just want you to know that I did mean it," I said against the top of her head, unwilling to let her go quite yet.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about," she responded.

"I do love you," I said, kissing the top of her head.

She tensed in my arms and I loosened up my hold on her as she pulled away slightly. She looked up at me, a very serious expression on her face. "Edward, everyone who loves me dies," she warned.

My heart broke at the expression in her eyes. She believed that me loving her would kill me. I forced a small smile and cupped her face. "They can keep trying, Bella, but I already promised you I wouldn't ever leave you and I meant that too."

Before she could say anything else, I pulled her back against my chest and hugged her tightly again. She was careful hugging me back. I wondered if this was how we'd always be, her careful and me reckless.

"Do you love me back, Bella?" I asked.

"I meant what I said too, Edward."

"Will you tell me again? It makes me happy when you say it."

I thought I felt her laugh a little bit before she said, "I love you."

"Good. Let's sit down, I want to talk to you about something."

I grabbed a blanket and laid it down close to the fire, but a short distance away from everyone else to keep our conversation private. I sat down and she sat next to me. I had to touch her. I placed my hand over the top of hers. She quickly flipped her hand over beneath mine and wound our fingers together.

"That feels very nice, you know," I commented. "So warm." I smiled at her and she blushed again and smiled back. "Bella, I want you to know that you have a place with us. We will be arriving home tomorrow, and I know that it isn't just me who expects you to stay."

Her eyebrows wrinkled slightly and she seemed to be confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, my parents have already discussed it and the new home has plenty room for all of us. You will bunk with Alice."

She looked saddened. "I've already put such a burden on your family," she started.

I reached over, creating an amazingly painful twinge in my shoulder that shot through my spine like fire, but I ignored it. I pressed my fingers to her lips to stop her nonsense. "Listen to me Bella, don't think I'm the only one in this family that loves you. You have been no burden to any of us. Please tell me you won't leave me."

She bit her bottom lip and I ran my thumb over it, pulling it out from her teeth. She sighed against my finger. "I won't leave you."

"Promise me," I said.

"I promise."

I was tempted to make her repeat the whole sentence, but I decided that was pushing it. "Lovely. Now, what I really wanted to talk to you about…."

She groaned and I chuckled. "Your good looks and charm have always got you what you wanted, haven't they?" she asked.

I winked at her. "Three months should be enough for them to get another house built, I'm fairly sure that's all the longer we'll have to stay with my parents. The wedding can be around that time."

She looked astounded. Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly before she finally muttered, "Who said I want to marry you?"

I smirked. "Good looks and charm, Bella, remember, I always get what I want, which is definitely you. Besides, you already promised you wouldn't leave me which closely translates to you agreeing to marry me."

She floundered some more before settling on glaring at me. "I should have known promising you anything would get me in trouble."

I unleashed a full on stare into Bella's eyes when I asked her, "Honestly, Bella, do you think I'll be that terrible of a husband?" I gently stroked my thumb over the back of her hand.

She couldn't look away from me. I heard her swallow loudly. Her delayed response was incredibly amusing to me, but I imagined it was angering her that she couldn't force her mouth to open, let alone speak.

When she muttered what sounded like, "You're perfect," I smiled triumphantly.

Ruining my glory, Alice decided to come over that exact moment. She cleared her throat daintily. I rolled my eyes and looked at her. She was holding my dinner.

"Thank you, Alice," I offered with a smile.

She didn't smile back. "Bella has something for you," she said.

Confused, I looked at Bella, who was blushing dark red. I was very intrigued by that fact. "Oh yes, Bella? What do you have for me?"

Bella shot a glare at Alice who cryptically said, "Everyone is very preoccupied right now." She skipped away looking very pleased with herself.

"Are you going to give it to me?" I asked, wanting to know what she had for me. She didn't answer, just continued to blush. "Well, at least tell me what it is then, if I can't have it!"

Bella stared at our linked hands. "Alice rode with me today. She's perceptive. She asked me if I wanted to kiss you. When I didn't answer she apparently took that to mean yes."

"Oh," I said, disappointed in the way she made it sound like something terrible. Our first kiss had been great for me, even if I had just been shot in the shoulder. I guess it hadn't been so great for her. I slowly picked at my dinner, suddenly not very hungry anymore.

"Why do you look sad?" Bella asked me. I could feel her moving closer to me. She'd learned well that it was quite easy to force someone to look at you and she used my tactic against me by tilting my face up with her hands. "Why are you sad?"

"I guess I just got ahead of myself Bella. I thought perhaps you may want to kiss me again," I mumbled while picking at the food.

"I never said I didn't."

"You didn't have to. You sounded revolted by the notion."

"I was speaking of Alice being nosy. I didn't mean to make you think that I didn't want to kiss you again. I do want to. It's just that the first time seemed very now or never and I didn't care if it was in front of everyone. I'd just like the rest to be private." She shrugged her shoulders and her eyes pleaded me for understanding.

I sighed. "As long as there are more."

She laughed quietly and her fingers tightened around mine. "I'm to be your wife, Edward, of course there will be more. Plenty more if I have anything to do with it."

I smirked at her again, my light mood brought back to life. Her cheeks were glowing red, but she was smiling happily and her eyes were alight with happiness. In that moment, she looked happier than I'd ever seen her.

– – –

That night, Emmett was the one who stayed awake. Apparently I needed my rest. Emmett didn't seem pleased in the least, but he didn't put up a fight either. Honestly, there probably was no point in having someone stay up anymore, but it had become a routine. Emmett sat with is back to the fire and his hand protectively over Rose's stomach.

Bella and I were wrapped in our blanket and everyone else seemed to be asleep from the multiple breathing patterns and light snoring. I couldn't sleep and I think I was making Bella restless.

"I'm sorry, if I wasn't worried you'd get cold, I'd trade off with Emmett," I apologized to Bella yet again. We were the furthest away from Emmett, on the complete opposite end of the fire and I knew he couldn't hear me.

"Stop apologizing. I'm not really tired anyway."

I gave her a disbelieving look. She looked exhausted, she needed her sleep and I was keeping her awake. "I'll switch off with Emmett," I decided, "I'll bring Alice to you."

When I started to roll over, Bella grabbed my arm and brought herself impossibly close to me. "No you will not," she demanded quietly. "You're not going to wake Alice and Rose up. Besides, Emmett will kill you if you wake Rose up. And I don't want you to."

I swallowed thickly. Maybe she didn't realize how close she was, but I did. She was flush with me, her entire body pressed to my length, her feet were even kind of trying to push between my shins. Maybe she's cold, I thought. I wrapped my arm around her back and leaned even closer into her. Deciding I needed to think of something besides exactly how every curve of her body felt against me. I asked, "What's his deal lately anyway?"

I nearly smiled when I heard her swallow just as thickly as I had. "Ummm. Oh," she started. Her eyes seemed to focus on something behind my head. "The baby is moving a lot lately. I think, perhaps, the reality is just setting in for him."

"Mmm," I agreed with a nod. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I ended up just leaning in closer to her. When our noses touched and she didn't pull away at all, I stopped. She was still staring at whatever was so interesting behind my head. I kept my arm around her back, feeling every inch of the front of her body pressed to me and knowing what was there, despite not allowing myself to see it, yet.

She finally met my eyes and she shivered lightly. She was definitely cold between the shiver and the hardened tips of her breasts pressed firmly into my chest. I was fairly sure we were both thinking the same thing as I leaned in even closer to her. She wasn't stopping me. I wasn't going to kiss her though, even if I wanted to. She didn't want it in front of everyone. Even if everyone was sleeping, they were still there and I wasn't going to nitpick at her words until I heard what I wanted to.

I kept leaning until my forehead was against hers and our noses were against each other. I kept my arm securely around her back and brought her legs slightly between mine, wondering if her feet were very cold.

"Edward," she whispered. Even though it didn't sound like a warning, I took it as that. I took it as her warning that I wasn't allowed to kiss her like this. But I wanted to.

I wanted to more than anything. When she spoke my name, her breath tickled my lips and I found myself unconsciously licking my lips, longing for her taste. It was very unfulfilling to taste only my lips there, I wanted her taste. More than anything. It was almost painful restraining from the urge to just plaster my mouth to hers.

I could hear and feel her breathing deeply. Deeply and erratically. She couldn't have been further away from sleep and I felt the same way.

"This was probably a bad idea," I mumbled.

"What?" she asked, her voice breathy and distracting.

"Every time I get close to you, I only want to get closer," I admitted.

I could have sworn I felt her nose shift against mine slightly, bringing our lips even closer together. "I don't mind," she whispered so quietly, I had to strain to hear it.

I wondered whether she meant my being close or my wanting to get closer.

We were both silent and unmoving, less our breathing. I was actively trying to ignore how her breasts were pressed into my chest, which only made me think about them more. It was wrong, perhaps, but I was regretting not spying on her longer that day when she bathed. I could almost imagine what they looked like.

She surprised me when she spoke, pulling me from my immoral thoughts. "Are you going to kiss me?" she asked, her voice breathy still.

It seemed very unfair that she was tempting me further. I already was having a hard enough time resisting. Her flat out asking me was the complete opposite of helpful.

"Edward?" she asked.

I had to shut my eyes and clench my jaw to fight the urge. I very nearly had to pull away from her, but the thought of losing this close contact with her made me capable of staying so close and not acting.

"Edward," she whispered again.

She did move this time, I know it. I could practically feel her lips. They were so close. If I just barely moved, they would be touching. Maybe our lips touching wouldn't have to mean we were kissing. Would she see it that way? Just the lightest brush of our lips wouldn't be an actual kiss, would it?

She sighed and her breath washed over my face. "Bella," I whispered, "if you say my name one more time, I'm going to kiss you."

Her fair warning. If she said it again, it was her fault. I'd warned her. I expected a firm lipped agreement from her. Instead, she made my toes curl by breathing, "Edward," in a sighing voice that was so quiet, I hoped I hadn't imagined it.

I couldn't stop myself now though. Her lips actually puckered and responded against mine. She was definitely kissing me back, there was no doubt about it. She wanted me to kiss her. I became impossibly more eager at that thought.

With the arm that wasn't around her back, I gently slid my hand under her neck and pulled her mouth closer to mine, pushing my fingers into her soft hair. It surprised me when she pulled her arm from under mine that was around her back and copied my movement. I couldn't stop my tongue from slipping between my lips to brush against her. She tasted so divine. But when she mimicked me again, I pulled away with a gasp.

The moment her tongue touched mine, I knew for certain that I was not going to stop. When her tongue touched mine, a heat that I'd never known radiated through my body. When her tongue touched mine I couldn't control myself in any other way than to pull away. It was that or I would have rolled atop her and dove my tongue so far into her mouth I probably would have choked her.

For no reason in particular, I secured her against me again, though this time, I tucked her head into the crook of my neck. Her face and lips were touching my skin, but I could handle this. I started humming a nameless, indistinct tune while I held her, hoping to soothe her into sleep.

She was rigid in my arms though. I continued to hum. She relaxed minutely and asked, "Did I do something wrong?" into my throat.

I shuddered. I hoped she didn't feel it. I shook my head meaning no and kissed the top of her head. I hoped she did feel that.

"Are you okay?" she asked me, sounding unnecessarily worried.

I nodded. "Sleep, Bella," I encouraged then started humming again, my arms around her tight and my face buried into the back of her head.

I felt her nod just slightly and I kissed her hair again. She sighed into my skin and I had to fight the urge to just kiss her senseless. It worried me that I wanted to kiss her senseless. Senseless enough that she wouldn't care what I did to her. What I wanted to do to her was very improper. Every scenario included her naked beneath me. I shouldn't have been thinking that way.

But I was nonetheless. I thought all kinds of improper things before I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep. It was such an uneasy sleep that when I felt her gasp against my neck, I was very awake again. She gasped again and I worried she was having a bad dream. I wondered if she would want to be awoken from the dream.

"Don't," she panted into my skin. Moments later, she said, "stop."

I wanted to shake her awake. I hated nightmares. But I knew she needed her sleep too. It was only a bad dream, it couldn't really hurt her. Though, the thought of was she could be seeing frightened me.

"Edward," she said then. Her voice was so breathy, I would have to say she actually moaned my name.

My thoughts immediately went back to being improper. I combined the "don't", "stop", and "Edward" and turned into one breathy moan of a sentence. I wondered if it was possible she wasn't having a bad dream at all, or if it was a different type of bad dream than I'd been thinking. I was involved, that was for sure. I pondered on the fact of whether it was worse to hear her dreaming about us doing bad things together or not waking her for selfish reasons if she was actually having a nightmare that involved me.

Either way, when she did actually moan into my neck, the arm she had around me tightened, and her fingers wove into my hair and she pulled, I had to rub against her. I ached and friction helped minutely, though when I didn't rub again, the aching was worse. I tested the rubbing again, trying to decipher if it made things better or worse. I couldn't decide. Maybe just one more time….

It was sickening that I was letting myself do these things. She was asleep and helpless for goodness sake. What kind of man would do that? What kind of man would I be to keep doing those things? What would she think of me if she knew what I was doing? How would she feel if she woke up to me doing these things?

I didn't have the answer to any of the questions, but I could assume the answers. The assumed answers scared me. So I stopped moving completely and just tried to go back asleep. Bella didn't make that easy. She kept whimpering, mewling, gasping, I don't think I imagined the one time she actually grunted. No, I know I didn't because her body shook along with that sound.

Morning took forever to come. Bella calmed down eventually, but I didn't. I couldn't fall asleep, even with the gentle breathing of a silent, sound asleep Bella. It was slightly awkward when she woke up without warning and met my open eyes. Neither of us looked away. But after just a few short moments, Bella blushed, darkly and I knew exactly what she'd been dreaming about, either recently or hours before. There was no doubt in my mind that she'd dreamt of me naked, either beneath or on top of her, I really didn't care. She'd dreamt it.

I'm sure she wondered what my arrogant smirk was about, but I couldn't stop it from spreading into a full out smug smile. She looked confused, but smiled back regardless.

I knew Emmett had fallen asleep a couple hours ago, despite being the one who was supposed to be on lookout. He was curled around Rose, his hands still protectively over her stomach. Alice was somewhere with them, I hoped she was warm. I did know that everyone else was still sleeping.

I leaned in close to Bella and smiled wider as her breathing hitched automatically. I brushed closely past her lips, across her cheek, and to her ear. "I love you," I whispered.

I heard her breath catch. She tried to turn her face and her nose ran into my cheek, not letting her get the eye contact she was looking for. I think she knew I was up to something. I lightly ran my lips over her ear, just barely letting them brush it and smiled when she shuddered.

I kept lightly running my lips all over her ear, occasionally behind it and into her hair. Eventually she went limp and calm like she'd been during sleep.

"I just want to try something," I murmured low into her ear.

I chuckled softly as she nodded her head, obviously eager and willing. She trusted me, that was important.

"I love you," she blurted suddenly.

"Mmm," I hummed happily against her ear. Her hands immediately, and again with unexpectedness, gripped my clothes, turning into fists in my shirt and pulling me closer to her. "I love you too," I said softly into her ear.

"You already told me this morning," she sort of gasped.

I chuckled. "I know, love, but I like telling you."

"I like telling you too," she agreed. "So, I love you too, too."

I chuckled again, kissing directly against her ear instead of just brushing over it this time. "Good," I said, kissing my way down her jaw.

I felt the heat first, then noticed it reddening her cheekbones. My eyes followed the blush all the way to where my lips were against her skin then I followed it even lower to where it disappeared under her clothing. I hadn't noticed before, but her collarbones were showing. They were so prominent. Under the blush her skin was so pale, nearly translucent, and the collarbones sticking so finely out were exquisite. I longed to touch them. Not only with my fingertips but to run my lips and tongue over them. To suck on them, maybe nibble them, but definitely kiss them, and lick them, slide my fingers over their entire length.

That was where my boundaries died. Already. I'd meant to kiss her senseless and not become improper. I hadn't even began really kissing her and I was already improper. I pulled back with a sigh.

I felt Bella snuggling back close to me. Her lips brushed against my jaw as she spoke, "I thought you wanted to try something."

I slowly looked down at her, mentally wondering how someone could be so irresistible. "I did," I said, feeling remorseful and a bit ashamed. "I failed already though, Bella."

She looked confused. "Failed what?" she asked inquisitively.

I decided to be honest. "Like I told you before, I can't be close to you without wanting to be closer. I was trying to. I failed." I pleaded her with my eyes for understanding and forgiveness.

I watched as her hand moved slowly toward my face and she brushed her fingertips over my cheekbone. "You can't call something a failure after one lousy try, Edward."

I didn't know whether to sigh or huff. I was obviously forgiven my ineptness. I was left wondering how my attempt was labeled lousy though.

"Maybe you should give it another try." She angled her lips up toward mine like she knew that's what I'd been planning.

I figured she was right. I couldn't say it was a failure immediately, after hardly trying. As soon as my hand or lips traveled below her neck, I was finished, because that was crossing the line.

I slowly leaned in and gently pressed my lips to hers. She responded excitedly, pressing our lips closer together. She sighed and her breath coming through her nose tickled my upper lip, making me smile. She smiled too, following the upward curve of my lips.

I wasn't sure if I was destined to fail, maybe I was some kind of masochist, or if I just pushing myself, but I had to taste her again. I barely parted my lips, only enough for my tongue to swiftly touch her lips, then I pulled it back into my mouth. This time she had remained completely still. She sighed when I didn't try again, this time through her mouth, which parted her lips and kind of sent her warm breath into my mouth. Then her full lips slid and her bottom lip came between mine. I sucked it further into my mouth and ran my tongue over it.

When she moaned softly, my hand came to her neck, but I couldn't decide if I should pull her closer or push her away. So I didn't do either, but I just let my hand rest against her neck. I switched to her top lip, thoroughly sucking and licking her taste from it and she just barely brushed my lower lip with her tongue. When I didn't pull away, she slid her tongue completely over my bottom lip and her hand somehow landed into my hair. She gripped my hair tightly and pulled my mouth even harder to hers.

My thumb slipped downwards as pleasure swept through my body. Just barely, I felt her collarbones against my thumb. Again I was indecisive, was I breaking my rule? A thumb was not a whole hand. Her lips parted and her tongue pushed against my lips, I allowed her to push between them.

When her tongue came into my mouth, I rubbed over her collarbones hard, knowing I wouldn't have much longer. I moaned and pushed my tongue against hers. Feeling them sliding against each other and the feelings it invoked, were the end of the kiss.

I pulled away hastily, wanting nothing more than to roll on top of her and feel every curve of her body even closer to me. I rolled onto my back away from her, but with her hand in my hair, she followed. Our lips separated though, and her face came to my neck. We were both breathing heavily and I moved my arm that was trapped beneath her to wrap it around her back. I pulled her as close as I could without making her mount me. She smiled against my skin and I couldn't stop the soft chuckle that rumbled from my throat.

"Did you fail again?" she asked me.

"Obviously," I replied.

"Well, I'm always up for trying again," she whispered into my neck.

I kept my arm around her back, but I used the other one to push my hand into her hair and hug her to me. I kissed the top of her head, hopefully letting her know that I appreciated it, that I loved her, and that I definitely would be trying again.

Everyone started to wake up soon after, as the sun was coming up. I loosened my hold of Bella, assuming she would want to move away from our intimate embrace, but she remained and her hand never left my hair. I removed my arms from her, hovering them just inches off her body, and tilted my head down to look at her.

She mumbled, "Do you want me to move?" into my neck.

"Not even a little bit," I answered.

"Well, I'm not," she replied.

That pleased me. I replaced my arms and buried my fingers deeper into her hair, hugged her closer to me. I was thrilled that she didn't mind being caught like this. Maybe she was wondering if this was the final time we'd be able to sleep together, like I was.

Her thumb gently swept against my ear and along the edge of my jaw as she lightly rubbed her fingers through my hair and massaged my scalp. My eyes slid closed and I relaxed completely at her touch. I could hear my parents whispering and Alice's grumpy morning voice as she told Emmett he stunk. It made me smile and I could feel Bella smiling, too.

//

It was amusing – albeit painful – to me how as soon as Bella and I weren't touching anymore, my shoulder throbbed. The throbbing was good though. It was healing, still oddly faster than my father could believe. The hole was barely there anymore. An ugly scab and the throb were my only reminders of the arrow. Bella noticed my wince and came to me, rubbing a soothing circle with her fingers into my arm. I fought the pain back and gave her a tight smile, which she returned, worry written all over her face. We had a silent conversation that took place between our eyes and facial expressions. I convinced her to let go of my arm and I helped her into the saddle and I mounted up behind her.

I rode closer to her than I normally would with my arms lightly around her waist, and occasionally my head on her shoulder. She didn't seem to mind; she may even have liked it.

I closed my eyes. When I reopened them, the sun that I could barely find was hidden behind some clouds and at a weird angle in the sky. I quickly realized I had my eyes closed for hours. I'd fallen asleep. I sat up straight, taking my extra burden of weight off of Bella.

When she smiled at me over her shoulder, I glared. "Why didn't you wake me?" I asked.

She grumbled unintelligibly to herself for a few moments then said, "Because you were tired."

I glared harder. "You are tired too. I've been crushing you for how many hours now."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You were hardly crushing me, Edward. Your head isn't that big. Then again…" she trailed off pointedly.

"You are tired," I decided for her. "We're switching places. Come on, hop down and you can ride in back and take a nap on me now."

"No," Bella stated plainly.

"Yes. Now," I tried.

"No," she said firmly.

"Woman!" I growled, losing my temper.

"Call me by my name or do not talk to me at all," she snapped at me.

I ground my teeth together to keep from saying something I'd regret. I moved my hands from around her and refrained from touching her at all. Even my legs were a respectable distance away from her.

She was an indignant wench. A stubborn, indignant wench. And impossibly hard to be mad at. I felt terrible for even thinking to myself that she was any type of wench at all. I was a bastard, a terrible bastard, for ever thinking such a thing about the woman that I claimed to love, did love.

A fight was bound to happen eventually. We were both tenacious and opinionated. But now that it did happen, I had no idea what to do about it. Do I just let it be? She probably wanted her space, which was rather difficult on horseback, but maybe if I kept quiet she'd feel distant enough from me to calm down. Was I supposed to apologize? Now? Later? What if she didn't want to speak to me? What if she wouldn't forgive me?

I couldn't imagine how terrible I'd made her feel. It was tactless of me to try to control her when she'd recently been controlled and imprisoned. I couldn't wait until later. And I had to apologize, even if I didn't know where to start. Even if she wouldn't forgive me and wouldn't listen to me or answer me. I couldn't leave her, I promised I wouldn't and I didn't want to, so I had to do right by her.

Ever so lightly, I placed my hand on her hip. She flinched away from it but I kept it there and I scooted as close to the back of the saddle seat as I could get. I wrapped my other arm lightly around her waist and I leaned forward until my head was again at her shoulder. I hugged her rigid form gently from behind. I lowered my face to her hair and pressed further until I could feel her skin as well. I kept my face in the crook of her neck, her hair surrounding me, and I pressed my lips softly against her skin.

"I'm so sorry," I said. I wanted to be more detailed, but I didn't know where to start, so I went way back to the beginning. "I'm sorry they found you. I'm sorry you lost your family. I'm sorry they held you prisoner. I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner. I'm sorry for anything I've ever done or said wrong to you. I'm sorry for being pushy. I'm sorry if you feel trapped. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want." It was like word vomit, I started and I couldn't stop – it just kept coming out. "I'm sorry if you hate us for trying to replace what you had, I know we won't. I'm sorry if I'm not what you want. I'm sorry for making you feel obligated to stay if you don't want to. I'm sorry for-"

"Edward stop!" Her voice rang through my ramblings. "You can't be so guilty," she said, her voice sounding surprised like. "You can't blame yourself. None of it is your fault." I started to interrupt her, but she wouldn't let me. "No, Edward, listen to me. I do love you. You are absolutely right about one thing though, you can't replace what I had."

She looked at me over her shoulder and I tried to force a calm face, but I must have failed because her face fell even further. I'd been the one who said it in the first place, but hearing her confirm it made me impossibly sad. It shouldn't have, I logically knew that she would always love them more than she could love any of us, but that hadn't kept me from hoping.

"Edward, you can't replace what I had because you are nothing like what I've ever had." Her words pieced my heart like a knife, or maybe like an arrow, since that was more fitting. I was nothing like she'd had. But she settled for me because I was slightly better than the monsters that had tried to have her first. I was just slightly better than nothing to her.

"Edward, would you listen to me?" she said, her eyes pleading as I tried not to look as heartbroken as I felt.

"I hear you loud and clear, Bella." My voice came out exactly as I'd hoped it would. Numb and indifferent, almost dead sounding to the ears.

"Get off," she demanded, pulling Ginger up short for me to dismount.

A flicker of anger flashed through my numb indifference. I wanted to tell her no. Ginger was my horse. But I was hopeless. I would do anything she asked. Even if she regarded me as only slightly better than nothing to her, I was still hers. It would have been childish to tell her that she could get off. I obeyed numbly and wordlessly. She followed immediately after me and I didn't reach to help her down like I usually would. She stumbled slightly when she met the ground and I fought not to reach out and steady her. She seemed surprised by my lack of action.

I attempted, for once, not memorizing her face when I looked at her, but I couldn't help studying it. Her eyes were sad as she stared up at me. Her brow was wrinkled so terribly my fingers were actually twitching with the need to press it straight. Her mouth quivered when she spoke again.

"You can't replace them because you're new to me, Edward. I've never loved a man that wasn't my father or brother. You can't replace something I've never had, but you can make your own place. You already have. You have a place in me already. You'll be my husband and you have a place in me. In my heart and everywhere else, you are part of me now."

I slowly let her words sink in, each one slowly making more sense than the last. She continued on while I tried to make sense of it all.

"Your family can't replace mine, because they are yours. I've only ever had my family. Your family will become ours."

She placed her hands on either side of my face. Her eyes beseeched mine with earnest as she stared unwaveringly into them. "I do love you. You have to believe me. I love you in a way that I've never loved anyone before." She shook her head slowly, only taking her eyes off of mine for a moment. "I don't even know how to describe what I feel for you, Edward. I've never loved someone so much before. I've never wanted to kiss someone the way we kiss. I've never wanted to feel someone's hands on me before yours. I never needed to see someone so badly. I've never needed to know someone loved me so much. You make me want all these things, from you. I. Want. You." She punctuated each word precisely. Her eyes continued to search and beg with mine, needing to know if I felt the same.

I placed my hands over hers on my face, never breaking her eyes contact, and slowly let my fingers glide across her skin as I followed the curve of her arms. I continued to follow down her ribcage and I wrapped my arms lightly around her waist, slowly stepping in closer to her.

"Bella," I whispered. With more force than I intended I pulled her to me, crushing her little body against my chest. She gasped from the force and I realized I was holding her so tightly her feet weren't even on the ground.

"I feel the same," I rushed out. "It's confusing and frightening to love someone so much. I'm so afraid I'm going to make a mistake and you are going to run screaming but I can't help but always wanting to be close to you. Closer to you even than I have been. I want you too. I love you too. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling any better than the perfect words that you used."

She made a breathless sound that could have been a sigh, but I assumed I was actually literally just crushing the breath right out of her lungs. I mumbled an apology when I set her back to her feet, only to be then overcome with the urge to kiss her.

I really was hopeless. The way her hair blew in the breeze made me reach forward to catch the flying tendrils of hair, just to be overwhelmed by their softness. Hopelessly, I leaned in to feel the softness against my face, which lead to many deep breaths of her scent. When she leaned her head back slightly, I became lost in her deep brown, wide eyes and slowly began to lose consciousness of my thought process. Movement brought my eyes to her lips where her tongue peeked out and coated them. Her red lips stood so full and inviting against her pale skin. Her invitation was undeniable.

I leaned in slowly, just lightly grazing her lips with mine. I felt a warm puff of air come from between her lips and fan against mine and with as little warning as I'd given her, she crushed herself to me. Her fingers came to my hair and she pulled herself impossibly close. Even when I pulled back slightly in surprise, she followed, not letting a hairsbreadth come between our lips.

Time stood still. The Earth possibly stood still. I imagined everything was moving in slow motion as I pressed my lips back into hers. Her reaction was unexpected to say the least, shocking really. We weren't remotely close to anyone else anymore, as we had stopped and had been riding behind anyway, but we were still clearly visible to them. I'd expected the light graze of our lips to be the most affection she would allow. She continued to crush her body to me though.

Thoroughly more shocking was the gasp she gave followed by the pointed rotation of her hips. I'd been very diligent in remaining careful about the placement of my hips before this. I didn't want her to think me ungentlemanly or a pig, so I kept myself safely away from her, whether I felt hard there or not. Now was certainly not one of the 'or not' times. I was regretful of my position against her, so close she could feel how excited her touch made me. It was ungentlemanly, and I never would blame her for thinking I was a pig and slapping my face.

She did pull her lips away from mine. Her brow was wrinkled again, this time in confusion as she leaned into me. She pressed herself against that part of my body and I gasped with surprise. Both at her rubbing on it again and the feeling it elicited.

I pulled back the moment she started to move again. This was very inappropriate. She was curious, I could see, in the way she was wrinkling her brow and I allowed her to touch me in an unacceptable way though I knew it to be so. Despite pulling away, I still ached. Her eyes darted down my body to the front of my trousers and I felt very ashamed. I wished I could hide it. It felt big and very noticeable. And wrong.

I knew of sex. A boy at school had told us about it. His older brother told him about it. I knew male and females were different down there. Somehow the parts came together and that was how women were able to bear children. The parts connecting would make the woman swell with pregnancy and it was not unless you were married that anything should ever happen between the two.

I knew Bella made mine feel good. Like it wanted to connect with hers for her to bear a child. It was highly unacceptable for me to think that when we weren't married. Marriage and the acts of marriage were sacred. Bella making mine feel good, so good I wanted it to connect with hers was not sanctified by love alone.

With a feeling of regret for my actions, I decided to just get back on the horse. It was better than her looking at me. It was uncomfortable to sit in the saddle with the problem I was having, but the discomfort subsided rather quickly. I offered my arm to Bella and she pulled herself up behind me.

"A girl at school used to talk about how boys grew big," Bella said with wonder. "I didn't believe her. That was very big." I felt my face heat up with embarrassment. Oddly, I felt Bella's own do the same against the side of my neck where she rested her head. "I'm sorry. It is very unladylike for me to say something like that."

I didn't bother telling her that for some reason I liked it. I just told her it was okay.

– – –

Night fell quickly. Catching up with the other's didn't take long, as they weren't far ahead, and once we were all together again, Bella did fall asleep against my shoulder. We didn't stop riding through the night.

The darkness didn't appear to faze my father who seemed to know exactly where he was going. I didn't doubt my father often, but everything looked the same here, especially in the dark. I only kept quiet because he wasn't a foolish man. He wouldn't continue to ride on with his family following if he didn't know exactly what he was looking for.

Still, I was surprised when straight north of us, I could spot distant buildings. Town. My eyes flashed to my father who was smiling very broadly. Our town. Our home.

I couldn't decide if waking Bella would be foolish or not. I shook her gently and watched her eyes part slowly. Focus and recognition slowly came to her and her mouth curved into a smile I would have died to see. I was more excited by her reaction to our town than my own sighting of it. I lived to see her happy. I suddenly couldn't wait to take her to our house. I couldn't wait to see her reactions to everything. I wanted to see her eating breakfast at a table. I wanted to see her standing on a porch. I wanted to see her sleeping in a bed. I very, very much wanted to see her sleeping in a bed.

The town was dark and quiet. Everyone was asleep and we all glanced around to take in what was offered. There was a saloon, a barber shop, a police stand and jailhouse, a meat store, and one of the largest shops I'd ever seen. The windows were large and displayed long shelves full of items. There was a large, fancy looking hotel on one side of the street and on the other side, was another inn that was still lit up and music playing. It looked run down and filthy. My liking of the town plummeted somewhat at the sight of the grotesque, dirty man laying in front of the door of the building.

We continued to ride on. There were many houses. There was a large church and a nice schoolhouse, then my father stopped and all of us did the same, following his line of sight. Just down from us were two houses. The largest house held a big sign in its yard that read, "Dr. Carlisle Cullen." The neighboring house was much smaller and was Emmett and Rosalie's. Still, that house had three bedrooms, which made me realize just how large the main Cullen house was in comparison. I couldn't wait to get to it.

Bella hugged my waist tight as we rode forward and I could feel her excitement. We all dismounted rather hastily but waited for father to be the first to push the front gate open. He was moving very slowly and I wasn't surprised when an excited Emmett and Rosalie ran off toward their home instead. My mouth fell open further with every step I took.

The house was enormous. Starting off on the porch, I couldn't believe the expanse of the house's length. There were so many windows. And the deck above of the porch looked promising. Inside was an immediate waiting room. There were already chairs there and a desk. The right was doored off and to the left was the reason for the expanse of the house. There were many beds for patients. I noticed another door and knew that would be where father kept supplies and would occasionally take a patient for extensive procedures.

It was much larger than father had back east. Back east there had been no room in our home for patients. There he'd had another small building for his work alone and he was home very little. Time had been consumed for him there. Now, he could work at home.

By the look on my father's face, it was clear he didn't want to move on from the hospital section yet, but he did nonetheless. We went through the door on the right and I gasped. There were couches, and books, and a piano. It was a blur from there on out. There was a kitchen downstairs. A bathing room. Then upstairs were three large bedrooms. One for my parents. One for Bella and Alice. One for me.

My parents room was the largest and on the side with the stairs. Our rooms attached to the deck. The room that was supposed to be mine had two small beds together to make one large bed, now my room had one small bed that would have been fine for Alice. Dad gave me an apologetic look. I didn't care. I gladly helped him separate the two small beds onto opposite sides of the room, one for Alice and one for my Bella.

It was oddly familiar as we all said goodnight to one another and went to our rooms.

A bed. So warm, so welcoming, so perfect for the dreadfully tired. I'd never been so happy to fall onto a mattress in my life. Never so frustrated when I couldn't fall asleep. Never so bothered by the reason I knew I couldn't sleep. And again never so happy as my reason came tiptoeing through my door.

"I can't sleep," whispered my beautiful reason for happiness, and sleeplessness.

"Me either," I whispered back.

She ran on her tiptoes to my bed and I held up with blankets for her. She sighed gratefully as I wrapped her in my arms. And sidled closer. I allowed it. Then her lower half moved closer yet. I pulled back, until I was just barely on the bed anymore. Still she moved closer.

"Bella," I warned. She was too damn curious for anyone's well being.

"What?" she asked innocently.

She scooted closer again. "You know what," I said.

"I'm just trying to get comfortable. Quit moving. I'm cold." I knew every excuse was a lie. But I couldn't deny her anyway.

I moved just slightly towards her and she pressed our bodies flush. She squirmed against me. "Bella," I growled.

"I just want to feel it again," she muttered into my chest.

I groaned. It knew she did. And it had a life of its own. It was more than willing to do whatever she wanted, ignoring my mental cursings as it grew big and hard again.

She giggled. Then she pushed on it with her thigh. I hissed and firmly said, "Don't."

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No," I answered honestly. It kind of ached, but it wasn't in an all bad way. She moved against it again and I gasped. I grabbed her hip firmly and pushed her away. "That is enough. Don't do it again."

The tone of my voice was supposed to say that it was final, but Bella just kept staring at me with wide eyes. I knew she wasn't going to let this go.

"That girl, that said those things…she said something else too," her voice was barely audible as her lips moved. "She told us about how her brother used to let her touch his. She told us how he really liked it and said how good it felt."

"Isabella," I hissed, "this is wrong. What the girl told you was wrong for her to say and she shouldn't have said those things, or done them."

"I know," Bella said, "but I don't care." She was silent for long enough for me to relax slightly, hoping she'd let it go. Of course, she hadn't. "She told us how when he got really excited, stuff would come out of it, then he'd go to sleep."

"Enough," I spat harshly. She just blinked. I was not showing her what came out of it. The only image I had in my head was puppies piddling on people's feet when they got excited and I couldn't believe any such thing would make someone happy. "Go to sleep."

She closed her eyes and I did the same. When her hand landed on me, I just about jumped out of bed. She put her hand right on my hard thing and her fingers curled around it through my thin trousers. A strangled sound came out of my mouth and I bit my lip to shut myself up.

This was so bad and so wrong. But with her hand around it, everything in my body just screamed at me to push against her hand. I did. I moved my hips against her hand and turned my face into the pillow beneath my head to let out the noise that came up my throat. My hips moved again. Then again. My head said stop and assured me of how wrong this was, but everything else in my body fought for me to keep going.

She moved closer to me and her mouth was right against my lips when she spoke. "It does feel good, doesn't it?" she asked curiously.

"Yes," I whimpered helplessly. Oh, it felt so good. Like little sparks were dancing across my skin. Like a fire glowed in my body and it burned just warm enough for a glowing feel.

"Is stuff coming out yet?" she asked excitedly.

As I continued to pressed the hard length against her hand, I thought about it. I could feel something sort of wet. I blushed darkly and lied, "No."

Her fingers curled tighter around me, making me grunt, though certainly not in pain. "Maybe I'm not doing it right," she wondered aloud.

She was definitely doing it right. I don't think anything had ever felt so good in my life. My hips were picking up pace with each pass, seemingly without me telling them to. I felt something tighten in my stomach and I looked at Bella confusedly. As my body pushed me harder into her hand, the tightening spread and I threw my hand over my mouth. My eyes grew wide. I had no idea what was happening, but it was equally as frightening as it was empowering. My hips jerked hard and I could feel it then. Something was definitely coming out of it.

Shocked, I pulled away from Bella, nearly falling off the bed. I used both my hands to cover the front of my trousers and tried to stop it. But my grabbing it to stop it made it all come out. It came out in bursts, making my body feel light and weightless, but somehow still tight and heavy. It felt good. Then it stopped. And my pants were warm and wet. I was embarrassed when Bella sat up and looked at me.

"Stuff came out of it, didn't it?" she said, a huge smile on her face.

Stuff. Warm, wet stuff. Sticky stuff. It wasn't…it wasn't the stuff I thought was going to come out of it. Surprised further, I moved my hands and grabbed the front of my trousers. It was not at all what I expected. Hesitantly, I used my thumbs to quickly pull up the edge of my pants to look. It was dark, but I could kind of see the sticky stuff. It was whitish. I hurriedly placed my hands back over the front of my pants.

"Let me see," Bella begged. "I want to see it."

"No," I hissed. "Bella this was so wrong. I can't believe…I'm not letting you see it."

She pouted her bottom lip out at me. "I wanted to watch it."

I sighed. "We're not married. We can't be naked together until we're married. And you shouldn't have done what you did. And we're never doing it again."

"But it felt good," she said. "I could tell you liked it."

I almost said "regardless" or "nevertheless", but I realized that would have been admitting I liked it. "No," I lied. "I didn't like it. It didn't feel good. We can't do it again."

She frowned. Her whole mouth curved down into the opposite of what made me happy and her eyes teared up. "You didn't like it?"

"No, Bella, I'm sorry. Let's go to sleep."

She finally laid down without touching me between my legs with any part of her body.

"I love you," I said, guilty for lying to her. I leaned over and kissed her lightly.

She didn't exactly kiss back, she seemed preoccupied. Slowly, she mumbled, "Love you too," back to me.

I laid with my arm over her waist and waited until her eyes started to sag drowsily to shut my own.

– – –

My door flying open raucously the following morning had me up out of bed before my eyes were even open. I heard someone sigh and opened my eyes to find both of my parents standing in the doorway. The initial feelings of ease that followed the bursting in was quickly displaced by anger.

"Edward, here, now," came my father's voice. I quickly darted my eyes to Bella who looked frightened. I sent her a smile before nervously moving towards my father. My pants felt stiff and I realized that the sticky stuff was dried from last night. It was uncomfortable, but I ignored it.

As soon as I was out of the room, the door was closed behind me and I froze. Mom was in there with Bella.

"Edward," came my father's voice. He pointedly jerked his head for me to follow. When I didn't he sighed and walked back to me. "Come on," he said, grabbing my upper arm.

I threw his arm off. "She can't yell at Bella," I stated firmly in a quiet voice.

"Give your mother some credit, Edward," my dad told me. "You know she doesn't yell." He saw my pointed look and added, "much. This is not one of those times. Come on."

With a deep breath, I followed him into his and Mom's bedroom. He closed the door behind us. "Edward, this is highly unacceptable." I flinched at his words. What did he know? Then he added, "you and Bella cannot do what you did last night."

"It wasn't her fault," I immediately said.

"Edward," my father sighed exasperatedly.

"You can't blame her. I'll leave with her if you send her away."

"Edward," he tried again.

"I could have stopped her," I blurted. "She's so small compared to me, I could have made her stop. I didn't really want her to. I let her do it. It wasn't her fault, she was just curious. It was me, don't punish Bella."

"What on earth are you talking about?" my father asked.

I realized quickly that I'd just walked myself right into a trap. He couldn't have any idea what Bella and I had done last night. But now he did. "Nothing," I lied quickly.

My father chuckled. "Kid, you know I'm not that stupid. Tell me right now what happened."

I was so guilty and confused myself that I recounted the entire thing. I left out the part where I pushed Bella away so she couldn't get in trouble any more than I could. In detail, I explained what happened.

"Oh," was my father's answer to my breathless admission.

"Oh?" I asked confusedly.

"Sit down, Edward," my father said, his face looked grim. I did as he asked. "I'm sorry," is how he started and I know the surprise and confusion was blatantly written all over my face. My father sighed, grimaced, than sat across from me. "I should have had this talk with you sooner. I guess my excuse is that you seemed to be maturing so much slower than Emmett. Emmett became very curious about his body and girls much younger than you did. This is-"

The door burst open and my mother looked as grim as my father did, Bella was in front of her, tripping over her own feet as she rushed towards me. "I'm sorry," she gasped at me. "I thought they were going to be angry with you so I told her the truth. I told her everything I did to you. I'm sorry." She turned to my father. "You can't punish him, it was my fault."

"Bella, no one is going to get punished," my father stated calmly. "Please have a seat next to Edward."

Biting her lip, giving me the epitome of apologetic eyes, and moving slower than a turtle, she took a seat next to me.

My father sighed again before starting. "This could be an uncomfortable conversation. Bella, it might be easier for you to have this conversation with Esme instead-"

"No," Bella said firmly. She grabbed my hand and held on tight. "I'm not leaving Edward."

I couldn't stop a chuckle and smile from breaking the hard line of my lips. We were so much alike. We both broke out of guilt, defended each other out of loyalty, and wanted to be at each other's side for punishment.

"This isn't a funny situation," my mother said softly as she walked across the room, giving me a hard look that somehow still seemed loving.

I nodded. "I know it isn't. I'm sorry."

"Bella," my father started, "have you started menstruation?"

Bella's face went from pale to pure red. She nodded at the floor. Then my father began telling me about a woman's monthly cycle known as menstruation. I tried not to cringe. I felt terrible at the end of the conversation and thanked God for not giving me ovaries and a womb.

Then how pregnancy worked was explained to us. Penis, vagina, intercourse, sexual arousal, climax, sperm, egg, fetus. At the end of the talk, I didn't know whether I wanted to throw up or try what Bella had done to me again now that I knew it was normal.

"It does not take a partner to achieve a climax, and men are not the only ones who have them. Bella, I do not know how religious your family is, and I do not mean to offend, but despite what the Bible tells us, medically speaking, masturbation seems to be a good form of release. Masturbation is when you touch yourselves to achieve climax. Like I said before, men are not the only ones to reach an orgasm, or climax."

He then described how Bella could possibly touch herself to reach an orgasm. I paid close attention, for future reference. If what I had last night was a climax, or orgasm, I definitely wanted to do that for Bella sometime.

A while later, when everyone's stomachs were growling with hunger, my mom disappeared and my father kept going on. Although it should have been mortifying, I was so curious, I found myself excited and catching every word he said. I noticed Bella was doing the same.

"In conclusion, although I don't know what your plans are for marriage, Esme and I are strictly prohibiting you two from being alone together."

Bella and I both whimpered, "What?" at the same time.

My father gave us both apologetic looks. "I'm sorry. You are both too curious for your own good. You can practice by yourselves, but I am not condoning you practicing on each other until you are legally married under God." He saw the looks on our faces and continued on, "You can promise you won't all you want, that's the end of it. You two are not being allowed to be alone together. And if I catch either of you sneaking, Edward will be sent to live with Emmett and Rosalie."

"What?" we both gasped again.

My father shrugged. "You better keep it in mind because this is the only warning you'll get. Wait for marriage." With that he stood up. "Let's go eat some breakfast."

Downstairs, Emmett and Rosalie were at the table already. Emmett smirked when he saw the two of us. "Welcome to the new world, big man," he teased.

I gave my mother a glare, she just shrugged. I sat as far from Emmett as I could, Bella at my side. With a smirk I said, "All your grunting and groaning makes a lot more sense now. I wondered what you were always doing under the covers."

"What did Emmett do underneath the covers?" came a voice that made me immediately regret my snark at Emmett.

My father glared at me. "I suppose I better get this over with," he muttered.

He ushered Alice back upstairs and I prayed that the truth wouldn't haunt her. She was so young still.

I just finished my breakfast when Alice came bounding back down. "Ew," she said, "that's disgusting." She gave Emmett a grimace.

Maybe young and resilient was better for that conversation. "Your favorite brother does it too," Emmett shot back at her, sticking his tongue out like a four year old.

Alice's face fell minutely, then she shrugged. "Edward isn't doing it in front of his younger sibling," she retorted.

I smirked. Alice could always think up the best comebacks. And she was definitely right. Even though I hadn't actually done it yet, I would not do it in front of someone. But I was definitely going to be doing it.

– – –

That day, Mom pushed every one of us out the door, telling us to go have fun, though she gave Bella and I pointed looks and told us to stay with Alice.

Alice was jovial as she bounced down the street. Bella and I followed behind her, though not directly. Alice hadn't been herself for the longest time now and seeing her energetically running up to shop windows and peaking in made me exceptionally happy. That and Bella's hand in mine as we enjoyed the day, despite the cloud cover.

A blonde haired boy was sitting down on the steps of the saloon. He was all alone. Alice skidded to a halt so quickly we nearly ran into her. She stared at him for a few moments then ran up to him excitedly, her arm jutted out in front of her.

"I'm Alice," she practically squealed, when she was still about ten feet away from the boy.

His head shot up in surprise. His bright blue eyes took in my sister and slowly a smile replaced the shocked expression. "Jasper," he returned, reaching out to shake her hand.

The giggle that followed that handshake made me wonder if their meeting was such a good idea after all.

– – –

That night, I laid in bed trying to get to sleep after a long day. Bella's absence was missed greatly. I'd grown so used to her warm figure against mine I found it impossible to drift off.

I heard giggles through the wall that separated Alice's and her room from mine. They weren't asleep yet either. I thought about my father's conversations with all of us and began wondering if one of them was touching their clitoris.

I sat up straight in my bed and strained my ears, searching for Bella's voice. There was a mewling sound then I heard Alice say, "Jasper," very quietly.

I waited and I just barely made out the syllables of my name coming from Bella's mouth and my pants grew tight instantly.

Very quietly, I stripped to nothing and let my hand wander down to my penis, or erection. It was definitely an erection rather than just a penis. Slowly, I touched the end of it and felt the moisture there. I spread it slowly down the length of my erection and hissed at the feeling of my slick fingers gliding against my bare skin.

I remembered Bella had used her whole hand to wrap around it, so I did that, thinking about her own hand being there to replace mine. Hardly touching, I followed the whole length. It tickled though, so I tightened my grip, remembering how I'd liked when Bella did it. My hand came back up and I gasped, my body shuddering at the feeling. I didn't stop then, knowing this was exactly the same, only better and worse, than last night. Better because it was bare skin. Worse because it wasn't Bella.

I pretended it was though and I kept hissing breaths quietly through my teeth as I felt that tightening sensation again, the orgasm building. My toes curled and my hips bucked when I came to the top of my penis, so I tried focusing there. I grunted too loudly at the feeling of that. I forced myself to lay back down and put my pillow over my head, grunting again. It was like springs coiling in my lower stomach, getting ready to snap.

I groaned and bucked my hips again and again, feeling the moment coming when the release came. And when it did, I forced my lips together and pulled my head from under the pillow to watch. I felt the stuff, semen, coming up my penis and I gasped when it shot directly towards my face. It landed on my bare chest and then another came and another, coating my chest, stomach, and navel in white. I laid there panting when the orgasm was done.

Masturbation was fun.

//

The following morning, I woke up in good spirits. I was rested, though not well, but the comforts of a bed were enough to keep me happy. After a whispered conversation with Bella over breakfast, I sought my father to discuss the plan Bella and I had made for marriage, which was still wholeheartedly in affect.

Much to my surprise, he was excited for the news, even unsurprised and knowing as he nodded. He told me he was happy for me, then offered to build us a house as a wedding gift, without a mention of such a thing from me. I began to wonder if he was as happy as he appeared or if he was just trying to get us out of the house to add a new houseguest.

Jasper and Alice had been attached at the hip since she started school. He followed her like a lost puppy, his eyes wide and his face dirty as he latched on to every word that came out of her mouth. Jasper was quiet. Too quiet, I thought. He frightened me with his oddness.

I thought him bad company for Alice to keep, but my parents encouraged Alice's relationship with him. He seemed very much a bad influence on her, to me. At best, he was rough around the edges. I feared Alice was going to get in deeper than she could handle. He was bad news. He was…bad. For her and in general.

Jasper's father was the town drunk, James, and no one knew of his mother. Maria, who worked at the Inn Jasper's father frequently spent the night in if he could afford it, or in front of if he lacked the money, was unusually attached to the boy. I'd seen her with Jasper before and I couldn't decide if she was a mother figure or something wholly inappropriate to him. She was clearly a prostitute in the way she dressed and spoke, and Alice being in the company of prostitutes and boys who were possibly with prostitutes rattled my cage.

Father and Mother were aware of Jasper's problems, his history, his…general oddness, but they remained fond of him. On an almost nightly routine, Jasper was over for dinner. He really was the lost puppy, or stray mutt, and I seemed to be the only one who wanted to kick him away rather than give him leftovers. I could only slightly see where Carlisle and Esme were coming from by allowing the relationship. They were both loving individuals, father with his compassion and mother with her mothering instincts – Jasper was needy. But I would assume that Alice would come first. Sure, Alice needed someone her own age, but she could have found someone better than Jasper.

Quite possibly the most annoying and aggravating thing about the situation was that I was the one on babysitting duty, and the fact that I couldn't complain about it, because I saw the logic. I knew what Bella and I would be doing if we were alone, therefore I knew what Jasper and Alice would be doing if they were alone together. I saw the way he looked at her, the way he watched her, and it frightened me. He looked at Alice the way I looked at Bella, only with less love.

So I kept close tabs, following them around. The only perk was that Bella was always with me. The four of us were an oddity together in the town. Jasper couldn't step left without me following his move, ready to attack him the second he made a mistake. He knew better than to speak to me, he never had. He sensed my hatred, I didn't try to hide it. He would occasionally wave to Bella or speak to her in a low whisper, but he never approached her. Again, he knew better.

Alice seemed to be the only one he ever spoke with freely. Interactions that I witnessed between him and his father seemed heated, and the exchanges with Maria were the same way. The first time I'd witnessed them together, I'd been caught somewhere between pointing Alice to the scene before me and shielding her from it. It was the first night Jasper had joined us for dinner. Alice was facing away from Jasper and Maria as she exclaimed her excitement to us. I was paying little attention to her, too caught up in the way that Jasper and Maria interacted.

I flinched when she reached forward and seemed to palm him through his pants, very obviously grabbing his penis. Bella gasped quietly and jumped too, obviously witnessing the same thing I was. They were speaking angrily at each other, though I couldn't hear their words, I could see their tensed bodies. Jasper's hands were fisted at his sides and Marie continued to hold onto Jasper by his man…boyhood, her other hand flailing when she emphasized words.

I'd stopped Alice from turning around unconsciously, drawing her deeper into conversation about how Jasper did in school and other nonsense I didn't care about. I told myself that I was protecting Alice, worried she'd get hurt by what was happening behind her back. It probably would have been good for her, she was far too naïve, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt her.

I still was undecided about Maria; she could have been a mother figure telling her boy to keep it in his pants or she could have been a lover, scorned by his interest in a new, younger girl. When Jasper had finally pulled away, he looked even more like that sad, lost puppy than before. I had no doubt she'd belittled him in someway. It was the one and only time Jasper attempted to look at me. He tried to give me an apologetic, appreciative look, but he felt the hard glare I was giving him before even meeting my eyes and quickly changed his mind. If looks could kill, I would hope my look could have made him explode into a million pieces.

I loathed the disgrace of a male further each day, if that were even possible. He was corrupting Alice in all her naïve ways and I was expected to sit back and keep my mouth shut about it. I was never alone with Bella anymore because of Alice. If I wasn't busy making sure Jasper kept his filthy paws off my sister, Alice had Bella holed up somewhere for "girl talk." It was utterly frustrating. Alice even spited me by leaving me alone with Jasper a time or two. Awkward silence and disgruntled movements were the high point of our time together.

The sad fact was that I couldn't completely hate the entire situation, because my Bella's virtue was now an importance to me. My father was right to keep us apart while we were unmarried. Bella was far too stunning in too many ways for me to have much of any control when we were alone. Not to mention her always burning curiosity and ever brave ways. During the abrupt unplanned moments were did end up alone together, we usually started tongue wars with each other that the person walking in both witnessed and had to mediate.

Alice was the most virtuous of us all, in my opinion, and she kept me on my toes. I was expecting every bend to be Jasper's last. Them being out of my sight for a second made my pulse race with anxiety but the most I had caught them doing was holding hands, and I had watched Alice initiate that and seen Jasper blush and smile shyly. I didn't believe the ruse one bit though. I believed he had every intention of taking advantage of her when the time presented itself. Alice was young, sweet, naïve, and quite possibly in love. Despite the way Jasper looked at her, he never even placed a finger on her. But when Alice thought I was being too nosy, she'd do something wild, and I couldn't keep up with her games. I'd never back down either.

Then the night came when I broke, and not in the way Alice wanted me to.

No one had invited him, but James showed up for supper nonetheless. No one wanted him there, even Jasper who looked down at his plate with distaste and what looked like guilt. His father slurred drunkenly the entire meal, using profane language and regarding everything with vulgarity. He touched my mother's leg for a lengthily inappropriate amount of time, he continuously commented about Rose's swollen, milk filled breasts, and then he started to get violent with Jasper who was begging him to stop and leave.

A new teapot, filled with steaming hot beverages was hurled by him across the room at Jasper, who narrowly missed being smashed in the head with it, in his haste to push Alice out of the way. The glass shattered everywhere and the hot liquid steamed against the wall.

James cursed at his son and after a moment of frozen shock, I lurched up. This man was dead meat. He could have killed my sister. He stood and stumbled his way towards me, antagonizing me with words and then he commented on Bella. Everyone shouted for him to leave, to get out, and my lips were curled back in revulsion at his smell. His quickness surprised me as he grabbed around me and pulled Bella to him.

The moment he had her in his arms, I saw red and I could hear a loud buzzing that sounded oddly like my name as I pulled my fist back and slammed it square against the pig's face. His hands let go of Bella as he reached for his nose and I pulled her quickly behind me, advancing on the man again. He backed up, holding his bloody nose and my father came between us as I made to hit him again when I had him cornered. My father grabbed the man and tossed him out our door, telling him he was never welcome back.

I marched across the room and grabbed Jasper by his shirt collar as he doted over my little sister. I kicked him out our door too, only to get yelled at by my father. My father tried to bring him back in, but Jasper refused. That night, Alice and I fought badly for the first time ever, and she slept in my room because I refused to leave Bella alone while Alice refused to be in the same room as me.

I was reprimanded for my actions, all of them. Violence solved nothing. It wasn't Jasper's fault. I wasn't allowed to be alone with Bella. I honestly didn't care. Violence did solve something, the urge to hit someone who was being ridiculous. Yes, it was Jasper's fault, he brought the man to our family by existing. And Bella could not be alone after being attacked, I wouldn't allow it.

The next time we saw Jasper, he was beat up and everyone hated me even more than they already did. I'd take the fault, since no one else was man enough. Not Jasper for being a wuss, not James for being a bastard, not Maria for whatever the hell she was. I took the blame for Jasper being battered because somehow, I was the bad guy in the whole situation.

I vented to Bella about it, and she comforted me. She still loved me, while everyone else was busy send me glares. So that day, when Jasper and Alice left, I didn't follow them. When Alice came home crying, I was again the one to take the fall.

Alice and Jasper ran into James, who started harassing Alice. He tried to lunge at her and Jasper stopped him and told Alice to run, so she had. Straight home. My father and I ran for the location where James had last been with Jasper.

He was bloodied and battered and I admittedly had never felt so guilty in my life. My father left me with Jasper when he went to the Police to report James, again. I felt so guilty that I bent down and I picked the kid up. He was hurt, bad. He was responding, but he was in a lot of pain.

Despite his size – two years younger than me and nearly as tall – I carried him home. My father caught up to us at a jog and gave me a nod of approval as he ran ahead to get a cot ready. I told Jasper I was sorry, and I meant it. I thanked him for protecting Alice when I didn't. And through a bloody mouth, he spoke to me for the first time.

"Don't worry about it, Edward," was all he said.

Regardless of everything I'd previously held against him, I found myself unable to hate him anymore. He loved Alice too. So much that he was unwilling to hold a grudge against me. If he could do that, so could I.

I aided my father that night in Jasper's medical care, helping clean and dress his wounds. I apologized to Alice for everything I'd said and done that was wrong by either of them. She didn't forgive me right away, but I was patient. The next morning she had a big hug for me, and even a thank you.

All felt much more right when I wasn't angry with Alice.

The town had quickly become curious about us. We'd had many inquiries upon arriving, but the longer we were there, the more we were questioned. My father's medical hospital was very popular and he was usually busy all through the day attending to patients.

I found myself down there much more often that I'd expected to be. Perhaps it was the fact that I was never separate from Bella who very much enjoyed working in the hospital. She was good with the patients and liked to help when she could. I was good at remembering the big terms of medical conditions and treatment plans, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment with Bella. My father didn't seem to mind us being there, as long as we were sanitary and respectful.

Emmett had become popularly known around town too. Upon the erection of my and Bella's house, Emmett had decided to help, where he was discovered to have unnaturally precise hammering skills. Coupled along with his stocky, strong build, he made an excellent carpenter. Rosalie sometimes spent her days at home, sometimes with us, and other times down at the barber shop where she enjoyed cutting hair. She was also the outgoing type that made friends easily and would spend time gossiping while washing clothes on someone's front porch.

Jasper stayed in the hospital night after night, and although he could have left, he didn't, which my father agreed was best. No one came looking for him. I still saw James stumbling drunkly around town and the one time I'd seen Maria since the incident, she gave me a numb, emotionless stare. She confused me further. I began to just accept the fact that she'd been some type of motherly lover to him, playing both roles. She was both happy and saddened by his departure.

Jasper and Alice mostly spent their days inside or on the porch now. Almost everyone who left the house did so in pairs, especially the women, always accompanied into town by a man. Everyone avoided going outside of the yard at night and mostly, it was accepted as a fact of life. Sometimes it was bothersome to have a nuisance that seemed to rule your every move.

When the sun shone, the four of us went on our old routine trek around town. It wasn't the same old routine though. Now all four of us walked together, I didn't trail behind watching Jasper's movements nor mimic them and we all chatted together.

I found myself actually liking Jasper when I allowed myself to get to know him. He was witty and cunning, but the thought didn't frighten me anymore. He had proved himself to me. He was still being platonic with my sister. She kissed him on the lips on occasion and he still turned red and smiled shyly every time she did.

Jasper, Alice, and Bella were all having some conversation that I hadn't joined in on as I was too busy trying to remember the list of items my father had told me to order from the store. I very gently extracted my fingers from Bella's as we approached my desired location. She gave me a questioning stare and I smiled reassuringly as I pointed the store and made a hand motion for her to keep an eye on Jasper and Alice. She smiled and nodded.

It took quite some time in the store, old Mr. Caius just wasn't at the age of fitness for running a store anymore. It first took him half a century to find ink then I'd had to repeat the list slowly twenty times to make sure everything was there. He wouldn't let me write it myself, and I practically had to spell each word out for him. I left the store exasperated and started scanning for my Bella and the other two. I didn't spot a one of them.

I slowly walked further down, looking between buildings then I rounded back behind a row where I ran into Jasper and Alice. I sighed. The two of them were being utterly disgusting though. They were kissing with these chaste butterfly kisses and stupid smiles and it made me sick to my stomach, and miss my Bella even more. Bella who was still no where in sight.

I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Uh, sorry to, um, interrupt, but where's Bella?"

Alice looked at me half-heartedly over her shoulder. "She's with you."

I gave her an incredulous glare. "Obviously not, Alice, since I'm alone and I left her with you."

Unease settled into the pit of my stomach and my pulse quickened. For the length of time it took me in the store, it was already getting dark. Twilight.

Alice joined me in searching as far as our eyes could see, but there was no one. I met Jasper's gaze with a panicked expression.

"Alice," he said calmly, "run home. Do not stop, just run." He grabbed her shoulders, and leaned in for the first time that I'd ever seen to kiss her. "Whatever you do, don't slow down. Let Carlisle know that it's probably nothing, but we can't find Bella."

Alice's eyes squinted and I saw the tears start to pool. "Go!" Jasper said. She did. Alice could run much faster these days, not quite as fast as me, but I was not going home without Bella.

I pushed off the ground sharply with my right foot, pivoting towards the first place I could think of. Bella loved the market and I prayed I'd find her there. But the market was empty, ominously so. Dread settled hard into my stomach and my body ached with fear as I again pivoted and went to the second place I could think of. Jasper had already been there, he was coming out the doors of the Inn his father frequented shaking his head.

"Neither of them are there, I checked."

I trusted Jasper so I started blindly running, calling out her name. I don't know why, but I started heading for the forest. It was thick with trees, dark, and once I went in, I'd probably never find my way out again, but something told me she was there. That same something was telling me she wasn't okay.

My chest was tight and I could hardly breathe but I ran hard and fast, dodging trees and following whatever instinct pulled me. It was like I could feel her out there, needing me. I ran harder yet and heard nothing but my own voice screaming her name.

I nearly ran past it, but my insides screamed stop, then I registered the crumpled heap on the floor of the forest. I skidded to a halt and tears sprang to my eyes as I whimpered, "No."

Between the heavy trees, the bright white moon shone through slightly. Although it was still impossibly dark, I could see clothing that I tried to ignore as being familiar. I could see pale skin that I didn't want to believe I knew. A halo of darkness was around the head like a crown and I refused to compare it to the way Bella's hair fanned out across a pillow when she slept.

But still my knees shook and I fell to the ground next to it. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces because as much as I ignored, refused, and tried not to believe, I knew it was her. My head dropped down and I listened for a heartbeat. I heard nothing. I gently rolled her over and saw that the dark around her head wasn't only her dark hair but also blood.

I sobbed her name. She didn't move. I choked out her name through my tight throat and tears and the only movement and sound was my own. I pressed my face into her chest and sobbed harder. Her skin was still warm as my tears fell down onto her throat and face. I kept my face against her warm skin and kissed and begged through my sobs for her to breathe. To stay with me. To not leave me. Still there was no response.

So I promised her, like I promised her before, that I wouldn't leave her. I wouldn't leave her in life, I wouldn't leave her in death. We'd never be apart, we'd always be together.

As I made my final promises, I heard a cold, bitter laugh. He was still here. And I felt a heartbeat. I'd kissed her lips, my hand lightly on her throat and I'd felt it. The evil creature laughed again and I promised my Bella that I loved her forever, that I'd be with her soon. Her vein jumped again against my fingers and my breath caught in my throat.

"Bella?" I begged. Again I heard that laugh, but I was ignoring it because if Bella could hear my voice, she'd come back to me. "Bella, love, I'm here. I'm here. Please, just don't leave me."

The shallowest of breaths just barely wheezed through her parted lips and I felt her pulse beneath my hand again.

"Love? I'm here. Oh, Bella, please just breathe. I love you. I'm here."

"Oh…Bella…I'm here. Oh, I love you," mimicked the sick voice. It laughed disgustingly. "You are a pitiful excuse for a man. Sniveling away over a dead wench. She's dead. I killed her. Go-"

The words cut off with a whoosh and I heard a sickening crack as two objects collided. I didn't look. I continued to stroke my fingers against Bella's face and neck. "Please love," I begged. "You can't leave me. I can't live without you."

She breathed more and her heartbeat, though still barely there, was present.

In the background an unrecognizable voice screamed, "You killed my mother." There was a more cracking sounds. "Now I killed you." More and more and more blows were made until the only sound that remained was something hard connecting with flesh and the sound of the unrecognizable panting.

"Bella, I have to take you home," I told her. "It's going to hurt, but you have to fight. You have to fight for me, love. You know I can't be here without you. You're my everything. I'm going to pick you up and I'm going to run you home so Carlisle can make you all better, but it's going to hurt. I'll be gentle," I promised.

Everything was silent as I stood and carefully worked my arms underneath Bella then lifted her up, supporting her against my body. She was light, she was small and fragile in my arms, broken.

"I've got you love," I assured her. "We're going home."

The unrecognizable one was still standing there, staring at the one he killed. "Come on," I beckoned to him gently. He dropped whatever was in his hands, his lips curling back slightly as he spit onto the dead figure, and he followed directly behind me as I jogged through the woods.

I continued to make promises to Bella. Her mouth never opened farther than a crack and no sound came out, but I could feel her fighting in my arms.

The moments it had felt like it had taken me to get to her in the woods were now days as I carried her out.

– – –

It had been hours since I'd arrived home. I knelt in the same position for hours, not moving except to breathe and speak to her. Her head was wrapped in a clean white bandage and she was in a thin gown, covered with a blanket. Her breathing was steady now and her heartbeat was strong, but she still wouldn't wake up. Her eyes wouldn't open and she hadn't spoke to me.

Endlessly, I begged. I pleaded. I prayed.

Jasper was there with me, never leaving either. Or Alice. Carlisle would check in and tell me to be patient. Tell me that I had to let her mind heal itself so she could wake up. I just had to be patient and give her time.

So I did, continuing to beg, plead, and pray for her to come back to me. My fingers were wove in hers and slowly my head started to fall forward until it was rested ever to lightly against her hip.

My eyes closed and opened to a tear soaked blanket against my face. My fingers weren't wound in hers anymore, but I felt familiar short fingernails working gently against my scalp. With a gasp, I threw my head back and saw her face, her eyes open, though barely, and her beautiful smile just barely curving her lips up.

"Hi," she said.

I wanted to be strong for her, more than anything, but I just sobbed. I choked so hard I was worried I disturbed her. My arms were gripping each side of her cot and I attempted to hug her without touching her. I pressed my face back into her blanket covered stomach, again so lightly I was barely touching her, and I continued to sob, unbelievably happy and relieved to see her alive. Awake, her eyes open, and speaking to me.

"Shh," she hushed soothingly, working her fingers against my head.

I stopped sobbing at that moment, because she had been the one who died, and she was comforting me. It was not acceptable.

I sat up straight again, fighting sniffles and sobs that were threatening to choke me. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I asked thickly.

She smiled lightly and whispered, "I'm fine. I have everything I need." The back of her fingers smoothed down my cheeks and dried away the rest of my tears.

I caught her hand and wound my fingers into hers, pressed her hand to my lips and kissed her skin, never wanting to stop feeling the warmth of it. My eyes slowly took in the surroundings and I noticed we were alone. Next to the bed was a half empty cup of water and a half eaten piece of bread.

"How long have you been awake?" I begged to know breathlessly.

"Not long," she replied, looking sheepish.

"How long was I asleep?" I demanded.

"A while," she said, her lips turning up into that innocent smile she used when she knew she was in trouble. "You were so tired," she said. "You didn't look very comfortable, but you were just so tired."

I shook my head disbelievingly but I didn't say a word. Footsteps sounded on the floor but my eyes didn't stray from Bella to see who was coming.

"Ah, you're up," came my father's voice. Only his voice could make my eyes move from Bella's as I shot the most malicious glare I could muster at him. He raised his hands defensively. "She wouldn't let us wake you. I told her you'd be angry, but she wouldn't let us."

"It's my fault," Bella said, her thumb sliding over the back of my hand.

I shook my head, meeting her eyes. "It's not your fault, love," I assured her. Dad knew as soon as I looked at him again what my question was.

"She's fine," he answered. "The head wound will heal and her memory is…fine. I don't expect any lasting effects."

I noticed the way he stumbled for a word to describe her memory and worriedly looked between the two of them. If she had memory loss, I needed to know. I had to be prepared for her to not remember things.

Her fingers tightened around mine. "Edward, everything is fine. I promise."

It was that word again. Fine. "Tell me what you're hiding, and don't use the word fine."

Bella bit her bottom lip and peeked up at Carlisle, who walked away just moments later. "Edward," she started, "just come up here and lay with me first, then I'll tell you."

I cringed as she slid over in the tiny cot, wincing as she did so. She pulled on my hand when I remained kneeling on the floor, and I surrendered and slid underneath the blanket with her. She wrapped her arms around me and shuddered softly and I copied her movements, careful not to disturb her healing body. She felt cold. I pulled her closer to me and she hummed softly, pressing her face into my neck and kissing my skin. I sighed.

She kept herself tightly against me as she started to explain what she was hiding. She didn't have memory loss, quite the opposite. She told me how she'd been trying to forget everything that had happened, up until the point when we met, and that she'd been somewhat successful. Now, after what she called "the accident," everything was back and even more vivid and haunting than she remembered. Carlisle had suggested that she try talking about it instead of just pushing it away and pretending it didn't happen. She told me that I was the only person she wanted to talk to about it.

I let her. For hours she told me everything. She started with bittersweet memories, things that she missed the most about her lost loved ones. She told me how they made her watch as they killed her father and brother. They tortured her mother. She tried to explain to me how it felt to have someone tying you up and touching you when you didn't want them to. She told me how much she'd felt sorry for us when she saw us.

She then told me how quickly she'd fell in love with me. How much she loved me and how much she'd always love me. She could feel me when she'd been unconscious, every time I breathed, she'd felt it, every words I'd said, she'd heard.

Then she told me how she had left Jasper and Alice to go to the market. She could hear someone crying there and she went to see if she could help, or get Carlisle if he was needed. But James was there and he was trying to take money from a small, young woman. Bella had stepped in. James took her as a victim willingly.

He took her out to the woods and told her how he was going to hurt her, in terrible ways, then kill her, like he'd done to Victoria, Jasper's mother. Bella fought and James was inebriated and she was gaining ground, so James had smashed her head into a rock. She described the pain and how she didn't black out yet, but she pretended for a while, thinking maybe he'd leave her alone, but he didn't and Bella fought back again. James nearly did kill her then, continuously beating on her head.

The depiction took a long time. No one interrupted us. Bella cried only when telling me about her family. I forced myself to remain quiet and numb, for fear of hurting her if I tensed up too badly. I laid completely still in her arms as she recounted everything she remembered into my neck.

She finished by telling me how she'd felt when she woke up to everyone standing around her and me sleeping against her stomach, she nearly started crying again. I could hear the tightness of her voice as she told me how loved she felt. She begged me not to be angry with Jasper, and I gently whispered that I wasn't. She told me how he apologized to her, over and over again. He'd tried to do the same to me while I'd been pleading Bella to wake up, but I hadn't listened to a word he said.

She sighed and then went quiet. Very slowly, I felt her head tilt up and I moved mine to look down at her.

"I love you," I said, before she could say anything else.

She smiled lightly, her eyes still shining with tears. "I love you too."

Her lips were soft against mine as she leaned in to kiss me, and I followed her movements as we kissed slowly breathing, feeling, and tasting only each other.

//

Hours had passed since the ceremony had concluded, still now, alone in our house, I felt more nervous than I'd been all day.

Despite the size of the church, our wedding had been very minimal. My family was naturally all there, including Jasper. A few of the townsfolk were invited, but it was mostly intimate. Rosalie was hugely pregnant and ready to give birth any second, but she had unwaveringly tended to Bella, even when Carlisle told her to lay down.

Rosalie was purely egotistical though, and it was one of the reasons I wasn't very fond of her. She was determined to help with our wedding and she was going to see her hard work in motion. She relentlessly decorated and coordinated as she bossed not only Alice around, but my mother as well. The grin-and-bear-it look on her face as she'd clutched her belly a few times made me more than a little nervous.

I'd even went so far as having a discussion with her. I'd barely gotten two words of worry in before she fisted my shirt in her hand and spoke through gritted teeth about how Emmett and Carlisle were trying to make her bed-ridden, and if I joined those ranks, she'd gladly kick my butt.

I'll admit that despite her feminine features, from her long sheet of gold hair to her elegantly slender toes, she was frightening. Incredibly strong for a woman too. I think she may have picked me up off the floor when she yelled at me.

I decided right then and there that the hormones of a woman's pregnancy were not to be trusted. She was outright insane and I'll be damned if I was going to be the one to tell her so. I let her do as she pleased. That evening, I noticed the way Emmett seemed to be tiptoeing around her and laughed to myself. He may have been three times her size but she was downright scary these last few weeks of her pregnancy.

The sound of the sloshing water pulled me from my thoughts. The tub was almost full now. The water was warm and the room was glowing with lit candles.

Tonight would be our first night alone together. Actually alone. It wasn't my expectation that just because we were now husband and wife, in our home together, that we were to consummate our marriage immediately. If she wanted to wait, then by all means, we would wait.

I feared she was ready though. That was the thing about Bella. Danger and pain never seemed to frighten her. She was brave. And far, far too curious.

In my parent's house, after her so called "accident" we'd been inseparable. The time that it took for her to heal meant I hardly ever left the hospital ward. We had two cots bumped up to each other and I slept by her without a word from anyone. In her fragile state, neither of us were even remotely aroused though. Our kisses were sweet and loving.

Until our last night in the hospital. Between slow, almost chaste kisses, I felt her fingers slowly drawing lower over my jaw. Then she'd unexpectedly rolled right on top of me, pressing her lips firmly to mine. I'd allowed it, stupidly, but only because I'd missed this too. We could be intimate, loving, gentle, all of it was really enough, but I missed her passion. I'd feared it went missing. So feeling it back full force had left me stupidly happy.

Her hands ghosted along my neck and fisted in my shirt then rested right above my ears, where she grabbed two fistfuls of hair and pulled, trying to get herself closer. It was instant sexual arousal for me. If I'd been holding back at all, she'd made me let go when she pulled my hair.

I groaned loudly into her mouth and lightly wrapped both of my arms around her waist, trying to be gentle as I pulled her impossibly closer to my body.

We both became breathless quickly and she moved her lips to my ear as she panted for air. "Edward," she puffed, making my hips push hard against her body, "I can't wait for you to be inside of me." She punctuated her words with wriggles of her hips against me.

It took everything in my body not to give in to her begging voice. I wanted nothing more than to tear her flimsy gown off and fulfill her request. It killed me to roll to my side so we couldn't be quite so intimately close. My body screamed in protest when I'd whispered that we couldn't. Not yet.

I chuckled at the memory of Carlisle walking in just moments later. He gave one look at our heaving chests and flat out banished us from being alone together. I didn't blame him one bit and I might have even thanked him silently. Bella was going to be the death of me.

"The decision has been made," Carlisle stated firmly. "Edward, you will be bunking with Jasper. Bella, you are well enough to return to your room with Alice." His jaw set hard and he was pointed in the way he looked at us both. "Do not forget that you two being alone together will result in Edward going to live with Emmett and Rosalie. The warning is firmly in place now. Both of you move."

I'd jumped up quickly. And lost my balance. My father chuckled at me. Quietly walking over and patting my back. "Your blood is not in your brain, boy. Please try to think with your big head."

I scowled. I'd used my brain…if I hadn't he'd have walked in on something far more intimate and punishable.

"Father," I started as he started to help Bella gather up her candle and book, "you said…" I trailed off. The decision had been made. Jasper would live with us.

After Jasper had relayed the full story to my father, giving him every niggling detail about his past, my father encouraged Jasper to go the authorities. He didn't threaten Jasper or tell him he had to go, but I knew he'd probably used his compassion filled, holier-than-thou eyes to make Jasper's conscience weep. He'd left almost immediately to turn himself in.

The only goodbye he made was to Alice, rightfully so. He owed nothing to any of us, but Alice. I'd never seen Alice so angry when she yelled at my father as he held onto her whilst she clawed at him trying to grab Jasper, follow him.

And I'd never heard her scream so loudly when my father gave her the dismal news that Jasper had been sentenced to death by hanging for murdering his father. I hadn't understood why my father told Alice. We all knew he would go speak with the authorities on Jasper's behalf, but before he'd done so, he told Alice exactly what had been relayed to him by the executor.

I could only assume he was preparing her for the worst if he couldn't talk Jasper's way out of it. Alice had been beyond reason. When Bella tried to comfort her, she'd screamed that she hated Bella and slammed their bedroom door in her face. Bella came to me crying, feeling so disgustingly guilty. I held her while she cried, murmuring my love for her and promising her none of it was her fault. My mother echoed my promises, telling her that Alice was upset and didn't mean what she'd said.

No one really saw Alice again for days. She holed herself up in bedroom, jamming the door in place and refusing to come out or let anyone in. I gave Bella my bed and slept down in the hospital to keep peace within while Alice grieved.

My father's first attempt at freeing Jasper was futile. He'd nearly been incarcerated himself. I took myself to the sheriff and again relayed the story that was so true. They knew James was a revolting piece of garbage, that he hit Jasper, we'd even reported him the first time for grabbing Bella, but they couldn't look over the fact that Jasper had killed him. I left, my father still pleading, and returned with Bella. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but she was feeling guilty still and letting her help couldn't hurt. So she'd shown them her maimed head for Jasper. The large curving scar on the back of her skull, still scabby at the time, had left everyone speechless. My father again told them how close she'd been to death.

My stomach and brain had churned so hard at his words I nearly passed out. Bella's fingers squeezed tightly at mine and I blinked rapidly to clear my blurred vision. Rage took over my body and I'd had to walk out. Bella followed right behind me. Quickly I grabbed her up in my arms, hugging her fiercely, unbelievably emotional.

"How can they do this, Bella?" I begged of her. "How can they even think about killing him? Jasper did nothing wrong. James killed his wife, his young son's mother, he nearly killed you, he made Jasper's life a living hell. They refused to punish James. Jasper had every right. He had every right."

Bella nodded and agreed with me profusely. Her lips moved against mine as she murmured her love for me and agreed with my every word. She took me home and held me as I had my own emotional breakdown. I was angry and I was miserable and I didn't understand.

But then Carlisle told us those few nights later Jasper was coming…home. He explained that Maria had seen and heard mine and Bella's display. She'd went forward and had been the final reason for Jasper's release. She confirmed Jasper's details of how James loved to torture. That Jasper had defended, not taken an innocent life.

And Jasper was coming home. We all agreed to let Bella give Alice the news. They had some making up to do, and Bella had felt like she'd needed that extra detail to get back in Alice's good graces.

Father would have to make one more trip to the authorities to hash out details for Jasper's "care." They'd agreed to release him, under strict orders. My father was granted full custody, so to speak, and he was to treat Jasper for mental problems we all knew weren't there. Jasper wasn't violent, Jasper wasn't even broken, Jasper just needed a family, and Alice's love. So my father had agreed to diligently see to Jasper's "mental health." The rest was history.

I sloshed the final buckets of hot water into the tub and looked out the window at the full moon. Bella was taking her sweet time. Or perhaps it was Rosalie and Alice who were taking their sweet time. I knew Bella was slightly anxious. I'd seen in on her face when she'd stared at me from down the aisle.

Goodness me, how beautiful she had looked. Admittedly, Bella always looked beautiful to me, even when she was huffing angrily, her hair wild, and covered in dirt that she'd tripped into. But seeing her in a pure white gown, her hair pinned up, a long gauzy veil only enhancing the brightness of her red cheeks had left me breathless. Speechless. I'd attempted to whisper to her how beautiful she looked when she'd reached the end of the aisle and took my hand, but the only thing that came out was an embarrassing squeak. She smiled though and I knew she understood.

I forced my voice to work for the recitation of our vows and I choked again as I saw her eyes brim with tears. I kept mine from doing the same thing as she had a nearly as difficult time saying hers. And then she was Mrs. Edward Cullen. Mrs. Bella Cullen. Mrs. Cullen. Mine. I kissed the bride so thoroughly the reverend had to clear his throat obnoxiously to get my attention. Everyone giggled, including Bella when I muttered an apology.

The whole lot of us, which resulted in about a dozen people, went back to my parents house where we ate delicious food, bantered happily, and waited for night to fall.

I almost believed it was the first star that made my trousers tight. I'd been wrong though. My body sensed her coming up behind me and reacted accordingly. It knew the words that were going to come out of her mouth.

Her hands slid underneath my arms as she rubbed my chest and hugged me from behind, her body pressed against my back as she stood on her toes to whisper in my ear. "Edward, I'm ready to go home."

I gulped, quite audibly. My whole body was tense. My whole body. Her words kept replaying in my head. I'm ready to go home. I can't wait for you to be inside of me. I'm ready to go home. I can't wait for you to be inside of me...

I turned in her arms ever so slowly, and she met me with a smile that would have made an angel cry. "You are so beautiful, Bella," I murmured, brushing my fingers over the cheekbones that stained red at my words.

"Bella!" I heard Alice's voice sigh exasperatedly, like she'd been searching for hours. "I've been looking for you forever," she said dramatically, grabbing Bella's hand off my chest. "Come on, it's dark, we need to get you out of this dress."

My expression must have matched my inner dialogue because all I was thinking was: That's my job, little sister. Alice laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, Edward, did you really think we were going to let you ruin this masterpiece of a dress by tearing it off of her in haste?"

Bella flushed dark red and I shifted at the mental image. That was exactly what I'd been thinking, actually. Alice snorted and guffawed too loudly for a girl so small. She tugged Bella's hand and was dragging away my blushing bride…

"You are so hugely annoying for someone so small," I called after Alice, to which I received a devious smile from her. I gulped.

Back in the bathroom, I sighed, popping the buttons on my shirt. Alice was going to keep her away forever for my outburst. I slowly continued to remove my clothing.

It was a small plan, but one that I hoped she'd understand. By filling the bathtub, we had a choice. We didn't have to go immediately to the bed to fornicate. Even if we both wanted to, were we ready to? So in hopes of washing away the stress of the situation, I'd filled the bathtub.

The water would soothe and calm us both. We could wash and love each other without having to be desirously greedy on the bed.

I was kidding myself if I pretended I wasn't ready. I probably couldn't have been anymore ready. I loved her with everything I had, I ached to feel her body flush with mine. I longed for the one thing no one else would, or ever could, give me. I needed Bella like I needed air in my lungs, I was sure of it. I desired for her to be mine, fully and completely.

But if she was not ready, there was no doubt in my mind I could accept it without question. Her body had to feel just as mine did or it wouldn't be right. To be wrong for one of us was to be wrong for both of us. Unless she needed me the way I needed her, I wouldn't ask her to go to bed with me, entirely.

We could simply bathe and touch and love and go to sleep in our home, on our bed. I would live, despite the aching need. I could simply wait for her to become ready for my bodily intrusion.

As I sank down into the warm water to continue waiting, I pondered her anxiety. Was she anxious to have me, or anxious to tell me she wasn't ready to have me? Either way, I would live, very happily too. My wife would be with me for the rest of eternity and I couldn't be unhappy about anything. I leaned toward her simply being anxious to be with me, for all of her curiosity and bravery pointed toward it. As did her words. I can't wait for you to be inside of me.

She very well could have changed her mind, I reminded myself. I nodded slowly. It was unlike Bella to change her mind though. She always went through with her decisions.

The water started to cool. I peeked out the window at the moon sitting high in the sky, starts twinkling at me brightly. My body was aching for her. Tense and hard as I'd ever been, despite her absence for hours at least.

I could kill Alice. She was purposely making this more difficult for us. She knew darn well what she was doing. She was killing me. Slowly. Painfully.

Finally. Finally, the front door to our house opened and closed. I could hear Bella slowly making her way around the bottom floor. I smiled to myself, then felt myself twitch beneath the water as I heard her ascending the staircase. My breathing peaked higher.

She was in our bedroom. "Edward?" she asked confusedly.

"In here, love," I called softly, fighting to keep my voice even.

I heard her footsteps moving ever so slowly across our bedroom floor. Her hand landed gently on the door, but remained still. Straining to hear her movement, I swore I heard her mutter, "Don't be a coward," under her breath just before the door slowly swung open.

I leaned my head back to look at her as she entered the room. Her lips parted as she stared at me in the bathtub. I could practically hear her heart racing.

"Care to join me?" I asked calmly, again my voice soft and even.

Her lower lip trembled, her cheeks going so deep red I feared for her health. Quickly, I went on, unsure of what she was thinking.

"I drew a bath for us so we could relax. Just so we could relax. I'll wash your hair for you." I threw in a smirk at the end.

Her mouth curved up in a delightful smile. "That sounds very nice, Edward. Thank you."

Her smile faltered then and she was glowing bright enough to rival the sun. I understood and tried to be nonchalant as I brought my head back forward, unable to see her anymore.

Calm was the only way I could make this idea useful. If I was a panting bundle of nerves, there would be no point to the bath anyway. I sank deeper in the water and waited, trying to calmly listen her to articles of clothing dropping to the floor.

She hadn't been in her gown anymore. She'd had on a new dress, one that was also white and I'd never seen it before. It was very beautiful and reminded me of the one in my dream from so long ago, where we'd sat on the beach. Her hair had been taken down too and was cascading in waves over her shoulders.

"I love you," I breathed to her as she moved across the floor.

Her hands very gently smoothed across my eyes, making me lower my lids. I took her silent command and kept my eyes closed. "I love you too."

Very slowly, so slow I thought another century was dawning on us, she moved to the side of the tub and stepped in. Ever so gently, she placed her feet on either side of my body and sat between my feet. I heard her sigh as the water sloshed.

Her hand lightly stroked along my calves and I took the as my confirmation that I could open my eyes. When I did, slowly, she was leaned back against the edge of the tub, her eyes closed as she relaxed in the cooled, though still warm, water.

My eyes could have searched out her naked form beneath the water, but I didn't let them. I smiled to myself as I glanced at the moon behind her head. The water was right at her breasts, submerging them under it and this view felt suddenly familiar. The candle light brightened the room enough so that it wasn't black or even dark, it was clear and I could have sought out what I'd been wanting to see since that night, but I didn't. I just sighed happily and drank in her alabaster skin being shone upon by the silver moon.

Her eyes fluttered open and she hesitantly returned my smile.

"This feels very familiar for me," I said, smirking at her.

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "How so?" she asked.

I grinned wider. "I may have lied to you once," I said. Her brow wrinkled deeper and a look of worry flashed in her eyes. "Do you remember the night I startled you while you were bathing?" She nodded slowly. "I lied, I was watching. I was spying on you."

Her mouth dropped open with a gasp. I chuckled, reaching forward to brush her collarbones with my fingertips. "I didn't see anything past here," I said, tracing the water line at the top of her breasts then quickly retreating back up to her collarbones. "I promise. But I won't apologize. It was the most gloriously beautiful sight I'd ever seen." I slid my thumb lightly over her bottom lip then pulled away. "Until today at least."

She startled me slightly when she giggled. "I don't suppose I mind too much. Your white underpants hadn't left a whole lot to the imagination when I stared shamelessly after you swam."

My mouth copied hers as it dropped open in an "o" shape. I think I even felt my cheeks burn hotly. "Did you—did you like what you saw then?" I asked timidly.

Her hand slid up my calves, past my knees, and she squeezed lightly on my lower thighs. "Oh yes," she replied, "very much."

I had to bite my lip to keep from groaning. Suddenly a question came to my mind and I couldn't stop myself before I blurted it out.

"Bella, you know the day my father gave us that talk." She nodded slowly, confusion wrinkling into her brow again. "Um…" I hesitated, just now realizing how possibly humiliating my question could be.

"Go on," she urged, squeezing my thigh again.

I shook my head, slowly. "Never mind, love."

I swear I felt her scoot a bit closer to me. "Edward, you're my husband, you can ask me anything."

A whoosh of air left my lips and I unthinkingly leaned hastily across the tub to plaster my mouth to hers. It was the first time, since becoming her husband, that she'd called me her husband. It was official now, and I couldn't contain both the joy and possessiveness it evoked from me.

Her breath entered my mouth as a gasp as my chest bumped with hers. Our naked chests rubbed together like flint, sparking in a dangerous, yet amazing way. Her breasts were soft and full against my chest and their peaks were pointed and prodding my chest in such a way that made me want to see exactly what they were doing. My own nipples seemed to tighten, and though I'd never felt the urge to touch them, they were begging to feel her fingers pinching and pulling on them, her lips sucking and biting. I wondered if that's what her's felt like too.

Just as quickly as I'd invaded her side of the tub, I was back to mine, panting slightly. The question, the question, the question, I reminded myself. What question?

Oh, yes. "I wanted to know, if maybe, later, maybe, if you were okay with it, you could tell me, or possibly show me, what you did that night?"

She blinked furiously. Her eyes darted from my left to my right and her gaze seemed clouded. "What?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," I blurted. I raked my hand through my hair, then quickly pinched the bridge of my nose as I leaned my head back. "It was stupid for me to ask. I'm sorry I offended you."

"What?" she simply asked again. I met her eyes again, only see utter confusion. "I'm not—I'm not offended, Edward. I'm… confused. What are you talking about? Show you what?"

I sighed. "You remember what he talked to us about?" I asked. She nodded, her cheeks flaming. Oh yes, she remembered. "That night, I heard you and Alice. I was just…" I trailed off and sighed. "Love, we both know you can make me…happy. I don't know what I'm doing though, and I just wondered if maybe you could show me?"

"What?" she asked again. This time I actually heard her confusion and didn't mistake it for revulsion.

"I was in my room. I could hear you giggling. And you said my name. You were…. I want you to show me how, so I can make you happy too."

She looked like she was going to say "what" again but then her mouth flew open and a loud, "Oh!" came out. Followed by a firm, "No!"

I shrank back at the word. I knew I shouldn't have asked. Stupid, stupid curiosity. How improper of a husband, to inquire of his wife's masturbatory habits and practically beg her to show him. Revolting.

"Oh, Edward, no. I wasn't…" she trailed off and the water sloshed as she moved. Her hand gripped mine and she pulled slightly. "Look at me please, Edward," she pleaded.

I met her eyes ashamedly. I didn't want to see her horror-struck eyes directed at me again, but I couldn't deny her. Her brown eyes were pleading and soft, only love there.

"I wasn't telling you no," she said. "Edward, I just wasn't doing what you thought I was doing." I was a bit disbelieving, she must have noticed this as she went on. "Alice and I were giggling over the things Carlisle told us, that is true, and she asked me if I had done it. Neither of us had, nor did we feel the urge to. She just asked me who I would think about if I did. I wouldn't answer so she told me she'd think of Jasper. I guess I didn't even realize I'd said your name. I was thinking about you…" Her voice grew quiet and her eyes seemed to darken as we continued to stare into each other.

"You didn't-" I started to ask.

She cut me off. "No. I haven't. I wanted to let you do it." Her cheeks flamed.

My possessive side was thrilled. No one had touched her there. Not even herself. She would be mine so fully when I did. Only mine. Forever.

We both continued to stare at each other and my heart was palpitating over the fact that her hand seemed to be going further and further up my thigh as she leaned toward me.

"Edward," she whispered, "I love you very much."

"I know, my Bella," I replied, "I love you exactly the same."

Her hands gripped my thighs and she brought her body towards me, completely draping her body over mine as she pressed our lips together. My hands moved to her neck to pull her mouth closer to mine. Her hands drifted up my thighs and as she passed over my lower stomach, her wrist just barely brushed the side of my erection, causing me to hiss and buck my hips up so hard that out bodies crashed together awkwardly, resetting our position.

Her thighs were now over one of mine, my thigh pressed directly between hers. Her mouth gasped against mine as I pressed my leg against her and she pushed her hips against me, rocking slightly and pressing her flat, soft belly against my erection, trapping it between our two hot bodies.

We both moaned as we rocked with each other, panting into each others mouth as our tongue pushed and rubbed against the others, freezing on occasion when something felt particularly good.

All too suddenly, Bella pulled her mouth away from mine, which left my face in her neck from the force I'd been pressing my mouth to hers with.

"Edward?" she asked pleadingly.

I reeled back quickly. What had I done wrong? I met her eyes, searching for pain, discomfort, revulsion.

"Edward, please. I need you now. Please tell me you'll be with me. I need you inside of me."

I couldn't answer verbally. I gave her a physical answer as I put one arm around her bottom and one on the edge of the tub to brace myself as I stood up with both of our weights.

When we were vertical, my one arm couldn't keep her weight perfectly in place so she slid down slightly, putting her womanly heat right against my erection.

"Oh," I groaned, trying to step over the edge of the tub without killing us as she wrapped her arms and legs around me.

Her hair was partially wet, dark and sticking to her breasts as I laid her out on our mattress. We both seemed to do the same thing; my eyes followed every exposed inch of her body and she did the same for me.

Her pink nipples stood hard against the soft, pale fullness of her breasts. The expanse of her torso was long and smooth. The slight curve of her hips drew me towards the apex of her thighs. The hair on her there intrigued me and I gently brushed my finger against it, reveling in its softness – both the hair and the skin beneath it.

She made a breathy sound and I shot forward, crashing our lips together in both a rough and loving kiss. Her breathing was loud through her nose so I moved my lips to her throat kissing downwards and not stopping.

"You are so," I punctuated with a kiss. "So," another kiss. "So," a kiss, and more so's as I continued to kiss. Her collarbones, her breasts, the tight pink nipples, the baby soft skin of her tummy, the dipped in button of her belly, the curve of each hips, that soft hair of her sex. "Beautiful," I breathed against it. Her hips squirmed and I leaned in and kissed it again, inhaling deeply this time as I got this close.

It smelled like Bella. So sweet, stronger than I imagined. A faint pungentness was mixed with the fruity, floral smell of her. I groaned as my mouth watered, wanting me to put my tongue on her there. Would she like that? I think I would.

Before I could find out, her fingers were in my hair, pulling me up again.

"Please Edward, I need to feel you inside of me," she said again.

My body reacted like a well-trained pet, obeying her words and throbbing for her, almost nodding in agreement. "Are you sure?" I asked with my brain, as my father told me I should.

"Yes," she nearly whimpered, her body coming up off the mattress to meet mine.

She was sure. She was ready. I ached and throbbed for her, my need somehow intensifying.

"Isabella," I started, my voice surprisingly rough sounding to my ears, "I don't want to hurt you. You must promise to tell me if it hurts."

She nodded and her eyes slowly scanned down my body, stopping again on my arousal. "It is very large looking," she assessed. "I think you'll have to go slow to make it fit."

I could see the slightly fearful look in her eyes as she met mine again. I softly pressed my lips to hers, showing her I could be gentle and slow, anything she needed.

Her smalls hands surprised me when they were both wrapped around my almost painful erection. Her flesh seemed to burn me, it felt so good. She pulled gently on me and my hips followed. Her fingers guided me to her virginal opening and I sucked in a sharp breath as the heat of our flesh met.

I felt a sticky wetness there as my hips arched forward. It was slick. It was her arousal, I assumed. She really wanted me. There was a lot of it and it made her tight opening easier to push into.

Her fingers left from my penis and she gripped my shoulders. I watched her face as I pushed forward. Discomfort was evident in every feature. Her lips were tight, her eyes were squeezed shut, her nose was wrinkled slighty, her brow scrunching together, but she didn't seem in pain. I moved forward slower than sin, fisting the blankets on either side of her head and biting my tongue to keep myself in reality. My body was begging me to push, and to push hard, against her until I couldn't push anymore. My body told me to completely fill her body with me and then to take it away and do it over again. Over and over until I was sated. But I wouldn't let it because it was wrong. She was sure to be in pain if I did that.

My slow, so slow, forward momentum was stopped suddenly as I ran into a barrier and her eyes shot open. I heard a gasp get caught in her throat. I froze, unsure of what to do now. Backing out seemed to be the best option, so I started to pull away and her nails bit into my hips so hard when she grabbed me that my body jolted forward. Then a strangled cry came out of her mouth and tears welled out of her eyes.

"No," I breathed. "No. No. No. Bella. I'm sorry. Oh no. I hurt you. Oh God. Bella."

I needed to get out of her. I needed to stop hurting her. And when I moved, she cried out again and her nails raked hard up my spine to the middle of my back. As much as I wanted to pull away from the pain again, I couldn't for the fear of hurting her further. I deserved the sting of her nails scraping my back. That and so much worse.

"Don't move," she cried. "Please don't move."

"Bella," I choked out.

"Just please don't move," she begged, her nails digging into the tensed muscles of my back, gouging at my skin.

I remained completely still, afraid to even breathe. She did the same, tears falling off the sides of her closed eyes.

I was in agony. This was hell. She was crying from the pain and I was almost on the verge of tears myself, from the torture my body was trapped in.

She was so hot, the soft slick insides of her inner walls gripped at me tightly, encompassing me in heat, and wet, and tight. I was in halfway, the other half stuck out in the cold air begging to be let inside. The heat was so inviting, but her tear leaking eyes told me otherwise. I wasn't welcome here. I caused her pain. And I couldn't leave because moving at all would hurt her further. I was going to be stuck here forever, halfway inside of my wife's no longer virginal vagina, dying to put myself all the way in or pull out. Neither of which I could do.

It felt like hours of hell worthy agony. If a man needed to be tortured, this was a technique that needed to be used. No man could live for long in this kind of hell. For as long as I stayed there, my arms aching from my tensed weight, my mouth a tight line of silence, not moving, hardly even to breathe, a cruel whimper dragged against my throat to my tongue and tickled my cheeks. It didn't get past my lips but I knew she heard the muffled sound.

Her insides seemed to quiver around me and everything grew ten times worse. Fire was raking through my loins, my thighs burned as if someone was branding each inch of the flesh. My testicles were quite possibly sitting in boiling water.

Her hips shifted. No, was my only thought. She couldn't move. Neither of us could move. Something bad was going to happen and I didn't want it to. She shifted again. Killing me slower. Her final move was arching her hips up to take the tiniest sliver of me more inside of her.

I broke. I crumbled. My knees and elbows gave and I just barely caught myself from crushing her, but ended up buried completely in her body.

Her hips tilted up at an odd angle and a cry broke from her lips. I wanted to sob. I was a selfish beast. No one should ever have loved me, least of all the pure, sweet woman that I was constantly hurting beneath me.

I'd already made her endure so much, it almost seemed more feasible to simply cut off my penis than to have to extract it from her. There was nothing sharp around though and the only way to stop this pain for her was to just get out. I hoped she could handle just this last remnant of pain as I got my evil body out of her pure one.

She didn't protest my pulling out and I couldn't look at the pain on her face anymore, so I just closed my eyes as I tried to remove myself. Success, if I could call it that, was just a hairsbreadth away. She hadn't made anymore noises of pain and her nails weren't cutting into me anymore. I was nearly done hurting her.

Just as I was going to take it out from her, her legs clamped hard around me. Her heels dug into my bottom, and she pulled. And my unsuspecting body was rocketed forward again, completely back inside of her. My ears rang with the sound of her crying out. Her nails bit into my shoulders. Her hips pushed at the awkward angle. I was so deep within her, I could feel her heart racing.

And it felt so ungodly good. "Bella," I groaned. What had she done? I couldn't take this. I…just…couldn't. Why would she do this? How could she put me back in this position? Was she trying to make this more unbearable – for both of us?

Her hips seemed to leave the mattress as she used her heels dug into my back to bring my body somehow closer to hers. She made a moaning sound and my eyes shot open, searching out her face. That sound had made my stomach tighten, in a good way, because it had almost sounded…pleasurable.

Her eyes were locked on mine the second I found them. They were tear free and an unrecognizable dark brown.

"Bella," I begged. I was unsure about everything.

Everything felt too good for me inside of her. I couldn't think straight. I was confusing her pain for pleasure.

"Do it again," she said in a rough voice.

My eyes widened with shock and her hands went to my hips. Her legs loosened and she pushed back on my hips. I followed her guiding movements and pulled away from her again. I intended to pull out. She once again didn't let me as she forced me forward into her.

Her cry rang right into my ear and made my gut tighten. I still couldn't distinguish if it was pleasure or pain. Her hips rocked back and forth against me and she whimpered in my ear.

"Edward, again," she begged.

So I did it again, this time having no intentions to pull out, unless she pushed me out. She didn't, she pulled me right back into the heat and out bodies made a clapping sound upon connecting fully.

She cried out and her back arched up off the mattress, flattening her chest against mine as her hips writhed forward and back again.

"Bella, I can't…I can't…" I couldn't articulate, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything.

"It's okay," she sighed, running her soft warm palms all over my back and down to my bottom, which she squeezed tightly. I grunted, pumping my hips hard against her, rocking her whole body. She cried out again, her nails digging pleasurably into my backside.

I lost it.

My movements were choppy and uncontrolled as I pulled out and thrust back into her. She continued to cry out in that way that I had no idea if it was pain or pleasure, and I was past caring. Everything was warm and wet, from her panting against my neck to the slapping of our bodies as we came together.

I kept one arm against the bed to hold my weight as I continued to thrust into the tight heat of her body and my other hand groped her flesh. Her breasts were soft under my fingers and I squeezed, making her cry out louder. This time she used a word to cry out.

"Yes," she called.

My hand went to her side where I again palmed and squeezed her pliant flesh. The same for her hip. Her thigh. Her bottom.

My hand went to the soft hair that was against my belly and I rubbed her mound with my hand as I continued the thrusting motion my hips were making. She cried out more. I felt her tighten around me once, pulsing.

Absorbed in the way she reacted, I pressed my hand to her firmer there and she gasped and called and cried and moaned. I was no longer unsure. She was feeling pleasure.

I grunted and groaned against the skin of her neck while our bodies continued to slap together in a pleasuring way. My hand rotated against her mound and my finger pressed more fully into the heat she emitted.

"Edward," she cried breathlessly.

My stomach coiled at that sound – my name. Beneath my fingers, I could feel a tight little nub and my hazy brain slowly put the pieces together as I realized this was the "bundle of nerves" Carlisle had referred to as the clitoris.

Her hips jumped up to collide with mine so forcefully when I rubbed my fingers against it that I thought she might have broken something. Her cry was practically a scream.

Bella's hands moved to my hair, her fingers knotting into it and pulling, her nails scraping and digging into my skull.

"Bella," I grunted a final time, feeling the coils snap.

My testicles tightened in a familiar way and I felt the rush of semen start to shoot from my body into hers. Sparks seemed to be dancing over every inch of my heated, sweaty skin and my hips started to jerk around erratically. Wholly male sounds came from my throat while Bella rivaled me with girlish high-pitched ones.

It was an incredible feeling. One words cannot explain. But as soon as my body began to empty into hers, I felt an mind-blowing clenching feeling from her inner muscles.

When it was over, we both wilted. I rolled, extracting myself from her, before I could crush her by collapsing. Our panting matched the others.

Coming to my senses, I quickly asked her, "Bella, are you okay?"

The smile she gave me was really enough to reassure me, but the incoherent mumbles that came from her mouth just made me smile uncontrollably. Finally, I understood a, "So much better than okay."

She continued to smile when I rolled and kissed her. Our lips smacked loudly. I sighed happily bringing her face to rest against my chest.

The last thing I remember was us murmuring our love for each other, our fingers twined, and Bella's still heavy pants on my chest.