Chapter Text
I have spent lifetimes pursuing techniques, immersing myself in various practices, and acquiring any and all knowledge that would provoke transcendentalism. Ataraxia, equanimity, tranquility of the mind. I’ve basked in the peaceful, shallow waters of Hungary’s Lake Balaton, practiced transcendental meditation in one of the world’s most beautiful temples in Rishikesh, India, and have literally walked on the clouds in Bolivia’s Salar de Uyuni, but there is no practice, no marvelous wonder of this tarnished world that has ever calmed the restless fire that has replaced my soul like the soft pattern of Laura’s breathing.
I was listening intently to every inhale and exhale, aware of every gentle rise and fall of her chest against my own, memorizing the mollifying song that her heartbeat played whenever she and I were wrapped in each other’s embrace.
We were in Laura’s hometown in Langlois, Oregon, cuddled into one another on her father’s old deck swing slowly swaying back and forth. It was a rainy, breezy, overcast day and we were absorbing the serene environment around us, terrified that we’d never get another restful moment like this again.
Laura’s backyard overlooked the surprisingly tranquil ocean and the black sand that lie just before it. The waves were genial despite the weather, but the rain made up for the intensity that the waves were lacking.
After dealing with the overwhelming amount of supernatural chaos that had erupted and continued to ensue once Mother had been...dealt with...Laura was begging for a weekend of peace.
It was my idea to fly out to and visit her father, seeing as he was the only shred of normality she had left in her newly acquired life of celestial affairs. She was, of course, keen, but also filled with overwhelming anticipation and worry.
Her father didn’t know of her attraction to women, and she was apprehensive towards what his reaction would be to not only finding out that she was lesbian, but also towards bringing her girlfriend home to announce said fact.
Lucky for us Mr. Hollis “had a feeling” she preferred women—something to do with a Sarah-Jane from Krav Maga—and was more than accepting of me and of his daughter’s sexual orientation.
He had left a little less than twenty minutes ago to return to his office downtown—“there are no ‘rain checks’ in my line of work, apparently” he had joked before leaving—and Laura and I were relishing the alone time we finally had with one another.
Laura was comfortably lying on top of me, her arms strapped under my arms like the sleeves to a backpack and her cheek pressed to my chest as she watched the rain crash down over the beautiful beach in front of us.
She had been through a lot these past few months, and I could only imagine what hell was flowing through her stream of consciousness right now. But I wanted her to relax — she deserved a few days to unwind and detox from the horrors and stresses that plagued her mind on a daily basis.
I ran the tips of my fingers gently up and down her back and kissed the top of her head, my undead heart fluttering as I did so.
This ... She ...was my only source of felicity — my own personal version of transcendency.
“Carm…” Laura spoke suddenly, her eyes still glued to the beach.
“Hmm?” I hummed, using the hand that was just tracing her back to massage the back of her neck.
She curled some of my hair around her finger as she spoke, “I can’t stop thinking—what if things never get better back at Silas? Or—what if things are worse when we get back? What if because I selfishly took a few days to relax, things at the school take a turn for the worse?”
I looked down at the breathtaking human on my chest and fluidly ran my fingers through her soft hair.
“If it goes to shit, it goes to shit...and we’ll deal with it when we get back. Cupcake, you can’t make yourself guardian of the institution. You’ve overstressed yourself and you deserve a little R&R from time to time.”
Laura adjusted herself so she was staring into my dark eyes with her beautiful brown ones, and I couldn’t help the wave of anguish that overcame me reading the amount of regret and worry that was plastered onto her face.
“Carm...I’m the reason for all of this...this...chaos. I’m the one who started searching for Betty, and investigating the missing girls...I’m the reason you took on your Mother...And I’m the reason she’s dead—and the reason why the school is in even more turmoil now than when she was alive. I owe it to the students and faculty of Silas University to be their guardian. I stripped them of the order and peace that they once possessed.”
I sighed and stroked her cheek with my thumb. “You’re not the cause of the chaos, buttercup. If we’re pointing fingers, I’m the one to blame seeing as I was the one who killed Mother. What you did—searching for those missing girls—was brave and just and you’re not the bad guy here, Laura. You saved those girls, you’re constantly saving the school...and you—my fair, doe-eyed maiden—are the only thing that I have found upon my decades of living on this beautifully disastrous planet...that is actually saving me . You’re doing a lot more good than you’re giving yourself credit for. And we’re here…” I adjusted her so she was straddling my waist with her thighs, “...so that you can de-stress and enjoy this painfully brief weekend of peace. We’re already here, cupcake. You might as well utilize the solitude and the beautiful vampire girlfriend under you.”
Laura sighed and leaned her forehead against mine, her hair enclosing me into her—reminding me that she was the only sight worth seeing; my cynosure.
I cupped her face in my right hand and caressed her toned arm with my left hand, her skin rising under the coolness of my touch. She mirrored my action and cupped my face in her own hand, but slid her hand to the back of my head to gently massage my scalp.
Maybe it was too early for us to voice it to one another, but by the way we were looking past each other’s eyes and into each other’s souls—well my lack there-of one—it was evident to me that we were just a couple of fools that had fallen into something deeper than love. A love that millions of writers tried their hands at manifesting; a love that thousands of poets, songwriters, and other fools in love attempted to reiterate.
She was my one and only—my reason for living while simultaneously being the only reason I’d ever choose to take my own life. She was every last galaxy that hid from the human eye, my night sky plagued with hundreds of thousands of stars. She was my eternity and my nothing, because both lasted forever—just like my love for her.
I filled the space between us and locked our lips, my undead body sparking to life as soon as I did so.
She kissed me back passionately but desperately, hanging onto my lips like this was the last time she’d ever have them here like this. The steady song that her heartbeat had played was beginning to change in tempo, and her soft breathing became occasional gasps for air as the kiss grew even more desperate.
I wrapped my arms around her waist to bring her closer into me, but our bodies were already so closely interlocked that it was impossible to bring her any closer.
But there still felt like a gap was between us, and I could tell she felt that way as well by the way she attempted to force my head closer to hers.
I licked the bottom of her lip, wordlessly asking permission to ensue the dancing of our tongues against each other’s.
Access was granted and she moaned breathily into my mouth.
Her warm breath against my face made me feel...human. I felt alive, like her breaths were my own, like her rapid pulse rate was our shared trait.
“Carm...the...neighbours...they’re known for...being looky...loos.” Laura stammered in between kisses.
“Let’s give them something to look at then, sweetheart.” I smirked before beginning to kiss down her jaw to her neck.
Laura giggled and I could feel the vibration against my mouth. I attached my lips to her pulse point and roughly sucked, causing a quiet moan to escape from my ethereal girlfriend’s throat.
I slid my hands up her waist and into her shirt, firmly gripping the sides of her gorgeously toned stomach.
Laura adjusted herself so that she was straddling only one of my thighs and began a steady pattern of thrusts against it.
She searched for my lips hungrily with her own and bit down on my bottom lip, resulting in a soft grunt emerging from the base of my throat.
“It’s—Carm it’s not enough.” Laura whined, her hips grinding into my thigh with more force than before.
The deck swing was still slowly rocking us back and forth, creaking and jolting sideways with every one of my love’s thrusts.
“I need more...please Carm.” her lip was quivering against my own and her eyes were desperately pleading mine.
She never had to ask me twice.
I grabbed her from her thighs and rose off of the deck swing. Our lips never detached as I began to walk back into her house with her thighs constricted around my waist.
In a blink of an eye, I ran us up to her bedroom and closed the door before we crashed down onto her full-sized bed.
Laura giggled at the speed, but her giggle quickly formed itself into a moan once I firmly gripped her breasts from under her shirt.
Her shirt and bra were quickly discarded and I began to suck rough kisses down her torso. Laura’s moans gradually grew louder and her body arched into the kisses. She struggled to remove my shirt so I helped her and tossed it onto the floor, along with her tight pants and boyshorts underwear. I traced my girlfriend’s abs with my hand as I continued to suck my way down her body. It felt like my hands were molding her, one forming down her stomach and the other tightly gripping her waist. Like she was a beautiful work of art that I was aiding in the formation of.
Laura lifted her knees and opened her legs wider once my mouth was just above where I could tell she wanted me the most.
I could smell her arousal and I was getting drunk off of her enticing aroma. She was my most favourite scent, and my most treasured taste—the anticipation of eating her out again was practically causing me to drool.
But I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted that easy. I wanted her to remember who the best she’ll ever have is—I wanted her to crave me years from now—whether she be my beautiful, lawfully wedded wife or not.
Right after the idea had formed, I immediately attempted to repress the thought of her loving someone else. The thought of another girl’s hands caressing Laura’s perfectly crafted body, kissing her beautifully designed lips, making her moan their name instead of mine... It was too much. I couldn’t inhibit that...that... hell . And it made me angry... livid even. I was stupid with jealousy over a phantom of an idea. It fueled that irrepressible fire that would be known as my soul if it still belonged to me.
I wanted to take it out on her, give her the best damn sex she’d ever have. Engrain my hands, fingertips, and tongue into her body; burn my name into her throat so that anyone blessed enough to touch and see her as intimately as I have will know that they will never compare to the ghost-lover of her past. I wanted them to know that Laura Hollis was, and always will be mine .
I sucked down on the inside of her thighs roughly. My own arousal was attempting to deploy my fangs, but I kept them in long enough to deliver a few bites onto her thighs that I would then assuage with my tongue.
Laura’s hips were writhing and her moans were little yelps. She snaked her hands into my hair and gripped it tightly, her grip constricting every time I bit down.
“F-fuck...Carm...what are you…” she began to speak, but I cut her off by attaching my lips to her center.
Her body was shaking and her grip on my hair was tightening.
I squeezed the hell out of her waist as I flattened my tongue through her folds and one of the hands that was choking my scalp quickly began to grip at one of her breasts.
“CarmIneedmore...fuckgivememore.” She was speaking so quickly that I almost didn’t understand her.
I harshly sucked on her clit and looked up at her as I did so. Her eyes had rolled into the back of her head, a few of her hairs were sticking to her forehead from the sweat that had formed, and her face was turning red.
If there was anything I loved more than Laura, it was reducing her to a writhing, moaning, gorgeous mess.
Laura was getting close, i could tell from the way she flexed her abs. But like I said, I wasn’t going to let her have what she wanted that easily.
I unhinged myself from around her centre and began to trail kisses up her torso. My fangs had protruded, so I kept my bites to a small nip.
“Wha—what are you...no! Carm!” Laura opened her eyes and looked down at me in shock and anger.
“Oh, I’m sorry...did you want to cum?” I teased, my voice going down an octave.
“Carm!” She whined, attempting to push my head back down to finish her off.
Of course me having supernatural strength and all, I didn’t budge but instead sucked my way back up to her lips, letting her taste herself on mine.
She kissed me back angrily, biting down on my lip and tugging roughly at my hair.
I growled into her mouth and she smirked against my lips, satisfied with the noise I had just made.
The anticipation was getting to Laura, so she began to slide a hand down to get herself off.
Before she could make contact, I grabbed both of her hands and brought them up above her head, pinning them to the pillow with one of my hands.
“Carmilla, I swear to God !” Laura angrily whined.
I smirked at her, hiding my teeth, and pressed soft kisses to her pulse point.
“I want to hear you beg creampuff.”
I began to suck back down her body, lapsing my tongue across her right nipple.
In one last desperate attempt for relief, Laura began to grind herself against my right thigh, her level of arousal prevalent from just how wet she was.
“Wow, you must really not want to cum.” I let out a throaty laugh before sadistically holding her thrashing hips down.
Laura was whining and glaring at me with severe desperation in those beautiful brown eyes.
“Carmilla please—fuck, let me cum please I want to cum for you please baby just please fuck me!” Laura was begging from the literal core of her soul.
I grinned and pressed my lips to hers, kissing her slowly and passionately, much like I had kissed her outside.
I hated when those eyes were strained and under the weight of the millions of problems she had subjected herself to absorb. I hated seeing those eyes puffy from crying, especially after she had thought that I had gotten myself killed while fighting Mother. I wanted nothing more in this world to care for those eyes, keep them bright, and full of a life. I may have been dead inside, but I wanted to make those eyes feel alive...safe...happy. But there was just something about the way those entrancing brown eyes begged me that was enough to suffocate me with an overwhelming sense of desire and love…
Without any warning, I swiped my thumb through her folds repeatedly. Her body jerked and she bit down at my lip.
“Carm...Carmilla.” she moaned my name softly inside of my mouth.
I broke the kiss and made my way back down to her throbbing centre, “I want your neighbours to know my name, creampuff.”
I attached myself back to her clit and easily slipped a finger inside. Her body began to shake violently
“Ooh...my—CARMILLA!” She screamed, her head falling back onto the pillow above her head.
I continued to pump my finger in her before unexpectedly sliding another one inside and giving her clit another rough kiss.
“AH—I’m..gunna...Carm I’m gunna…” Laura’s walls were beginning to enclose around my fingers, but I slid one last one inside and continued my fast pumping pace.
Laura was shrieking at this point. I was almost certain her neighbours would call the cops thinking that I was in here murdering her.
Which, they wouldn’t necessarily be wrong about. I was just doing it from the inside rather than the outside.
“Show me, love. Show me what you’re gunna do.” I coaxed before curling my fingers inside of her.
That was all it took.
Laura let out a loud shriek before loudly crying, “Ca-ARMILLA!”
She twisted herself into her white pillow, biting down into it and tightly gripped her comforter. Laura came...hard. I had gotten a lot of her in my mouth since I was still attached to her clit, but that didn’t stop her from coming everywhere . There was absolutely no way her father wouldn’t know just what we had been up to if we didn’t throw her bedspread into the washing machine right after this.
I continued to pump into her, slowly removing my fingers so she could continue riding out her orgasm. Her body was still violently shaking and her eyes were still glued to the back of her head. Her body had lifted itself from off of the bed and was emptying itself out into my mouth, dripping down my chin.
She was letting out hitched, high pitched, moans until her orgasm had completely subsided.
I removed my fingers and unclipped myself from her clit, licking at it once more before licking the rest of my girlfriend’s cum off of lips.
She was completely limp against the bed, her breathing slowly returning back to normal.
I lied down next to her and took her into my arms. She weakly cuddled into me, burying her face into my neck.
“Mmm...fucking hell, Carm.” Laura drowsily hummed.
I wrapped my arms around her and got under the covers with her, adjusting her so she was now resting on top of me.
Her warm, bare body pressed against my cool one placed me into a heavenly trance. Her body felt like the Vegas sun radiating a beautiful amount of heat into me. It's like she was teaching my body how to be alive again. It was a blissful feeling...i felt...home. Wherever we were, as long as Laura's body was against mine, I would always feel like I belonged somewhere.
I would always be home.
“I-I can’t feel my...lower half.” Laura softly chuckled as she planted a feeble kiss onto my neck.
I chuckled as well and began to lull her to sleep with a deluge of soft kisses on her forehead, her scalp, her cheeks, her eyelids, and one long one on her lips.
She buried her face in my neck and began to slowly fade off into unconsciousness.
“I—love you.” Laura whispered ever so quietly before she was overtaken by sleep.
My entire body reacted to her words. I was almost certain that my heart was beating, mimicking the same song that Laura’s was performing.
“I love you Laura.” Just saying the words sent a wave of electricity down my spine.
“My God...I love you so much.”
After years of traveling, researching, and practicing various methods of meditation, I have finally achieved that inner peace I spent my entire second life looking for. I finally had the tranquility I had been searching for for so goddamn long.
Laura Hollis was the love of my life, my reason for existing… my ataraxia, my equanimity, my saviour.
My soul.