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The friendship was a fine line between platonic love and romantic love. Too much adoration for a friend, but too fragile a lover. Jimin tried to convince himself desperately, reminded himself that Jungkook was just a friend, his best friend, the friend he’d never give anything for, the friend that pokes fun at him and the friend he’s known since preschool. But Jungkook was also the friend that had the brightest bunny-like smile and eyes that crinkled up when Jimin told him bad jokes, Jungkook's the friend that memorised the way Jimin likes his coffee and the friend who'd stay up till 4AM tutoring Jimin for finals because Jimin wasn’t quite as smart as Jungkook (but the little punk never pointed it out. Sometimes.) and Jungkook was the friend with laughter so perfect that it sounded like the perfect mixture of July and August, when summer seeped into autumn. And that was bad, so terribly bad, because he was just a friend. Because Jimin was just a friend.
But then he moved in the Spring of Jimin’s junior year in college. Suddenly, without notice nor goodbye. Jimin had to walk in on Jungkook’s empty apartment and hear from others that he left for a different country, decided that he wanted to ‘expand his horizons.’ He left so suddenly that Jimin couldn't process it, he left so suddenly that Jimin would climb into his car to notice he accidentally ordered an extra cup of coffee, bought souvenirs when he traveled but with no one to give them to, and leaving Friday nights empty because every Friday without fail Jimin and Jungkook would climb onto the roof and watch the stars and talk about the future.
And Jimin tried to be angry. He really did. He would clench his fists and grit his teeth and convince himself that he was seething. And he would feel the rage bubbling up in his chest, growing and growing until it started to overflow from his eyes and then wetness falls past his cheeks and he’s letting out broken sobs because the emotion in his chest wasn’t anger but sadness and Jungkook’s an asshole and Jimin misses him. (And Jimin loves him.)
It was easier than expected. It was hard, but easier than he thought. Probably because he found 2 more jobs and eventually he was balancing 3 jobs a day squeezed in between college work and he distracted himself until the pain eventually numbed. And then he graduated college.
Jimin resigned from the jobs and instead applied for a job at a local café, and he opened up to other people. Jimin’s co-worker became a good friend. And everything was okay.
So Jimin wasn’t quite sure how to feel when Hoseok came by during one of his breaks and told him that Jungkook moved back.
There was a small murmur of excitement in Jimin’s heart, and a sense of longing. But overall, he felt indifferent. Jimin smiled and told Hoseok ‘oh, that's nice’ before excusing himself because his break was over. Jimin bid Hoseok goodbye as he began to leave, his hand hung on the door handle as his eyes lingered on Jimin; but Jimin pretended he didn't see it, didn't see how Hoseok’s eyebrows creased in a way that only happens when he’s worried and instead Jimin smiled at the customer in front of him and did what he was getting paid for.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
“...Don’t you ever wonder about what's beyond…” Jungkook’s voice was low; soft, as if he were afraid he’d break the fragility of silence, “...here?”
Jimin turned his head to the left and saw his friend staring up at the stars, arms folded behind his head and a leg crossed over his other propped up one. Jimin’s head rolled back to face the brilliant sprinkles of light across the dark skies before replying.
“Doesn't everyone?”
Jimin could tell from his peripheral vision that Jungkook cracked a smile.
“You know what I mean,” he muttered. “To be free. A different kind of freedom, you know? Like us, right here, laying on the rooftop at midnight just staring at the stars is a type of freedom but it’s not really.”
“What do you mean?” Jimin asked softly, although he knew what he meant.
“For example, we’re all limited with time. It prevents us from our freedom. Time holds us back. Life holds us back. Cause, like; y'know. We only have one life and with life comes with not enough time."
Jimin didn't dwell too long on the thought of saying something back because he doesn’t listen for the sake of replying but for the sake of understanding. So Jimin nodded, just barely. He wasn't sure whether Jungkook saw it or not. It didn't really matter.
Jimin was eyeing a particular star that didn't quite twinkle as bright as the others. “What's your most favorite thing in the world?”
“Time.”
“Didn't you say it held you back?” Jimin glanced over and saw a small smile playing on Jungkook’s lips.
“...How much time do you have in a day?”
“24 hours.”
“So do I,” he said. “It’s the only thing all people were given equally. As much as it limits us, the limitation could also be what motivates people. Isn't that how ‘yolo’ was born?” Jungkook chuckled.
They watched an asteroid streak by, a shooting star. It looked like it was falling from the sky. Maybe it was.
“...If only we could be free,” Jimin said.
Jungkook scoffed quietly. “Most things in life are an ‘if only’.” He said. But then added like an afterthought, a little quieter, “for me, anyway.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was a Thursday when he came in while Jimin was in the middle of brewing coffee. A slow day, during the subtle transitions of afternoon to evening, the blue skies starting to glow a warm orange and pink. It was out of the blue, Jungkook’s reappearance was almostㅡ almost ㅡas sudden as his disappearance.
Jimin turned around when the doorbell jingled and smiled at the familiar looking customer wearing timberlands. (Who else would worship timberlands as highly as Jungkook does?)
“Welcome! What can I get for your order today?”
Jungkook looked a little dumbfounded, a little bit of disbelief in his widened eyes and his lips were parted. Jimin was able to see his jaw visibly flex when Jungkook snapped his mouth shut as his gaze hardened.
“Jimin.” Jungkook almost growled. But it sounded desperate, pleading.
“Oh, Jungkook! How long has it been? A year or two?” It’s been over one year. 17 months, to be exact. 517 days. 12410 hours. 744601 minutes. Jimin knew. He knew very, very well. “Fancy seeing you again.”
“Can we talk?”
“You want to catch up? Sorry, I’m working right now. We can do it some other time, alright?” Taehyung, Jimin’s co-worker, yelled for Jimin from somewhere in the back. “Sorry, Jungkook. You have Hoseok’s number, right?” There was a strange stir whirring inside Jimin when he realized Hoseok and Jungkook kept contact when Jungkook was away. Jimin didn't even know Jungkook was able to keep contact. Jimin didn't even get a reply to the voicemail he sent. “Just text him and we can work something out. See you later!” Jimin waved while beaming another smile at Jungkook before walking into the backroom. Jimin felt a tingle in his chest. He ignored it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jimin wasn't quite sure why he agreed to stuff himself in a small, sweaty, crowded space full of tipsy, overexcited people on a Friday night when he could’ve been curled up in his bed reading a book instead.
Maybe it was the fact that he had nothing else to do, (It was probably because Taehyung pointed out that Jimin never got over it, he still subconsciously left Fridays free. Jimin didn't like this. Jimin didn't like it when Taehyung was right.) but out of stubbornness or something else that can't be defined, Jimin found himself at a party late at night when he would much rather be catching up on the next episode of his favorite show.
Hoseok managed to wander off somewhere within the 10 minutes the small group arrived. Taehyung was flirting with the pretty girl Jimin used to know in college, his roommate Yoongi the Lightweight™ was knocked out on the couch next to Jimin, (Jimin really hopes that the thing he’s feeling on his shoulder isn't drool) and Namjoon left a few hours into the party with Jin (they were being touchy. Jimin doesn't want to know what they're up to now.)
Jimin sighed before gently standing up as to not wake Yoongi before making his way to the kitchen.
His hand was grazing the doorknob when he heard the voices.
“...I can't believe this. You messed him up more than you think. The poor kid overworked himself in college and grew to be emotionally detached. He became a robot! Artificial smile and everything! I don't even think he feels emotions anymore!” A voice that Jimin identified as Hoseok’s snapped.
“I-” Jungkook began, but Jimin had opened the door and made his way into the kitchen. He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the sudden contrast from dark to light. And then he smiled.
“So you were here, Hoseok?” They gaped at Jimin in surprise, but Hoseok quickly recollected himself.
“Ah, yeah. Sorry, were you guys looking for me?”
Jimin got himself a glass of water. “We were, but they’re all busy now. Yoongi’s sleeping, Taehyung’s tryna smash, and NamJin is-”
“I don't needa know,” Hoseok cringed at the image of the two getting… busy. Jimin finished the contents of his drink before placing the glass in the sink and making his way out.
Jimin’s gaze locked with Jungkook’s as he said, “I’m gonna go get some fresh air” before walking out.
The softest rustle of wind felt nice on the balcony, it gave access to the view of the distant city lights. He propped his arms against the railing and looked up, a clear sky of deep royal blue with delicately sprinkled specks of twinkling white. The balcony door clicked shut. Jimin didn't need to turn to know who it was. A figure settled next to him, elbows brushing, warmth radiating.
“...It’s been a while,” Jimin said with a small smile, barely above a whisper, his eyes still fixated on the stars. “Staring at the sky like this, doesn't it remind you of old times?” He chuckled. It sounded empty.
They stood there in silence, Jimin admiring the stars. Watched an airplane fly by. Jungkook’s stare was placed on the moon but his mind was not. Jimin rubbed his arms to create warmth from the cold air and winced when he discovered that Yoongi did indeed drool on him, much to his dismay. Jimin was still cringing when Jungkook spoke up again.
“...I’m sorry,” Jungkook’s voice was what cracked, but Jimin felt something inside him break and everything came crashing down and he suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable and aware and everything was in clarity because Jimin could feel and now he felt like crying because he never really got over anything in the past 17 months but instead ignored them and now they were crashing into him like a fucking tsunami and Jimin never felt more human.
Jimin didn't trust his voice enough to reply.
Only when a solid 14 minutes pass does Jimin say anything.
“I think I love you,” Jimin said, still not daring to turn and meet the other’s warm, chocolate brown eyes. “A lot.”
Jungkook paused. “Why?”
“I don't know,” Jimin said. But Jimin knew.
The answer lied in the 4AM talks on the rooftop or when they went to the playground at 11 PM or when Jungkook stopped by with pizza and drinks to make sure Jimin wasn't shriveling up and dying during finals. The answer lied in how Jungkook would shine that perfect bunny teeth smile that seemed bright enough to light up the world, and it probably could.
The balcony door suddenly slid open. “Jimin,” Yoongi yawned. “Let's go home.”
“Alright,” Jimin said, not quite feeling like smiling. He exited the room with Yoongi after telling Hoseok they were leaving. He entered Yoongi’s car and they drove away, away from the party and away from the frozen figure that remained rigid on the balcony.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The past year caught up to him and now Jimin is feeling a little sore. Everything came back full force. Feelings came back full force. Feelings for a certain someone came back full force. And Jimin wants to run away.
But he can't, of course, because he has work and he knows that Taehyung is going to stop functioning if he has to manage everything by himself. So instead Jimin decides on curling up on the sofa with a fluffy blanket and a tub of vanilla ice cream. Jungkook’s been showing up at the café everyday for the past week, and Jimin panicked. Fortunately, Taehyung agreed to switch jobs with Jimin for the week. (Jimin’s sure Taehyung only did it to flirt with customers at the register.) Due to this, Jimin works at the backroom, away from prying eyes. And he is relieved. He swears he isn't avoiding Jungkook. But if it were put into that context, then Jimin has been avoiding everyone. He doesn't want to see any of his friends at the moment. He’s still trying to recover from the recoil of seeing Jungkook again. He just wants to have some space.
Jimin sighs as he finishes up the tub of ice cream and puts it onto the coffee table, reaching for his book before his phone started ringing. He glanced at the time. 1 AM. Who would be ringing at this hour?
It was an unknown number. Jimin declined it, but it rang again. He tried to adjust his blanket as he declined it but the phone suddenly slipped and in his panic to catch it before it fell to its demise, (the worse that would happen would crack the screen, but a cracked screen would drive Jimin crazy) his finger brushed across the green button and accepted the call. His thumb hovered over the “end call” button, but a sharp intake of breath stopped him.
And then a shaky, “J… Jimin?”
“Jungkook?” Jimin should hang up. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to. (What happened to wanting space?) He assumes Hoseok gave Jungkook his number. He presses the phone against his ear. “Is something wrong?”
“I miss you,” Jungkook barks a laugh. Jimin then realized that Jungkook’s words were too slurred.
Did Jungkook miss him enough to drink, or did Jungkook drink enough to miss him?
“Do you need me to pick you up?” Jimin asked.
“No, Iㅡjust listen to me, Jimin. I left because of you, you know?” Jungkook laughed again, but a little softer. “Because I love you. I love you so damn much. I never knew it was even humanly possible to love someone so much.” Jungkook was rambling. Jimin let him. “I thought I moved on from you, though. I thought I fell in love with someone while I was over there. But 3 months into the relationship nothing was working out because I realized the only reason I was attracted to him was because he had the same fluffy hair as you and that same damned eye smile andㅡfuck,” Jungkook said under his breath. “Fuck, I love you. Do you even know how I felt on that balcony? Do you even know how I felt when you told me what I wanted to hear? I felt frustrated. I felt frustrated with myself because I wasted those 17 months without you.”
Jimin didn't know he was crying until his shirt was soaked enough to feel icky. He covered his mouth to stifle his hiccups because Jeon fucking Jungkook is an idiot. He is an absolute moron. Jimin hates him. (Jimin loves him.)
The line beeped and went dead after Jungkook sighed and mumbled an “I’m sorry” and hung up. But the phone was still pressed against Jimin’s ear and Jimin was still holding back sobs because Jungkook just said he loves him but he's too shit faced drunk and he's probably not going to remember the next morning. (It’s technically already morning, but you know what he means.) He stood up and got himself a glass of cold water, gulping down the contents a little too fast. He took deep breaths, reminding himself not to hyperventilate. It took a few minutes (40 minutes) but Jimin managed to calm down to only a few occasional hiccups.
Anxiety spiked in his chest when the doorbell rang. Jimin was home alone because Yoongi was working a night shift. It was too early in the morningㅡwhat if it was a robber? A murderer? Serial killer? So he looked through the peephole. He isn't sure if he felt relief or not to see it was Jungkook. He didn't want to open the door, but Jungkook looked like a mess and oh my god, did he walk here?
“How did you even get my address?” Jimin grumbled when he opened the door for Jungkook. (He later learned that Hoseok was actually the one that gave it to Jungkook.) He jumped a little when his senses were suddenly filled with Jungkook’s body wash and the smell of alcohol when Jungkook stumbled inside and pulled Jimin into a tight embrace, but he soon melted into Jungkook’s arms and hung his own over Jungkook’s back soon after. Jimin felt the tears welling back up again. The front door shut behind Jungkook.
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said into the crook of Jimin’s neck.
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Just a little.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“I know.
“You’re a jerk.”
“I know.”
“An absolute dumbass.”
“I know.” Jungkook pulled away a little to stare into Jimin’s eyes. Jimin felt Jungkook’s breath on his face. There was a faint scent of mint behind the smell of alcohol.
“I hate you.” Jimin said. Jungkook was staring at Jimin’s lips.
“I love you,” Jungkook said before their lips clashed against each other, teeth clacking. There weren't fireworks but there was warmth, and they melted against one another. The kiss got a little more heated and Jungkook’s hands snaked under the hem of Jimin’s pants. Jimin broke the kiss, grabbing Jungkook’s wrist to stop him.
“We’re not doing anything while you’re drunk,” Jimin said. Jungkook groaned. Jimin pulled away completely, the sudden loss of warmth biting at him but he led Jungkook into the living room and sat him down on the couch before bringing him some water. They nestled together on the couch and cuddled for a bit until Jimin’s eyelids felt a little heavy. He snuggled deeper into Jungkook’s chest (which was way too warm and comfy for his own good) and let sleep overtake him. Jungkook gently stroked a hand through Jimin’s hair and planted a kiss on his forehead before drifting off as well.
And for the first time the next morning, when Jimin woke up to the smell of chocolate chip waffles and Jungkook with the ruffly pink apron he got as a joke from Yoongi, Jimin smiled a real smile, one that reached his eyes and made Jungkook feel fluttery and couldn't help but smile back.
They had a lot to talk about, but. They were okay.
They are okay.